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I am a 45 years old Indian living in the US for the past 10 years with the family. Despite having a steady job and a pay which typically is considered high, I end up spending more than my income. My wife also works full time with good pay as well but she thinks it's my responsibility to provide and she just saves all her money in her own accounts. We have multiple properties on both our names including cars but only I pay. I pay for groceries, bills, travel everything. On discussing about the expenses, which I have done multiple times so far, she says I should be ashamed to expect money from a woman. If this continues, I will reach retirement age kind of broke I feel. Also, I will spend sleepless nights thinking about finances until then. Please advice.

Anu Krishna |458 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 03, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 02, 2023

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Like in any partnership, marriage is one such partnership where everything is usually shared. But I do know of couples, where they mutually agree that one partner takes care of the bills and the other education etc.
In your case, your wife has been saving up and you have been bleeding dry of your finances.
But why exactly are you spending more than your income? Financial mismanagement? Maybe that's why your wife is worried that it might happen to her portion of the income too?
Having said that, I guess your wife also needs to move past the belief that the Man is solely responsible for bringing money home. By that logic, she should never have worked, right?

Since she is working as well, she can contribute towards the family to the extent it can help but it is also imperative that as a woman she keeps some finances saved as a back-up for herself. It provides a good safety blanket for a woman since she possibly feels that you are spending more than what you earn.
It's up to you to bring about the subject without her feeling that you are out to spend all her money. So, you really need to start with managing your finances better...I am sure things will get better from thereon...

All the best!

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Question by Mahi - Jun 02, 2023

Anu Krishna |458 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 03, 2023

Hi Anu, I hope you're doing well. I'm a 24 year old girl working as a software engineer. I was in love with a boy in long distance relationship and I met him only once. We both had great understanding, respect on each other. It was all good between us. On February 2023, he called me one day saying that he wants to tell his parents about our love matter. I said okay and asked him what he wanted to do if his family disagrees. He said that he'll wait until his family approves. I was okay with it and he informed to his family. But things started changing after he talked with his family. He wanted to break up with me. I told him many times that I wanted to be with him and don't want to break up. But, he didn't agree. Eventually, we stopped talking with each other. It was hard for me to move on but after few months, i finally decided to move on with my life. Then suddenly he messaged me saying that he wants to get back with me. I didn't agreed as I lost my trust on him. He even informed his family about getting back with me and they were okay with it. He wants to marry me. But, now the problem is I still like him, but I lost trust in him. I wanted to give him a chance but I'm afraid because of past break up with him. I'm confused about what should I do? Anu, can you please suggest me about giving him a chance or moving on with my life?

Ans: Dear Mahi,
Thank you for asking. I am doing well and trust that you too will be in the same space as well.
When what he has done has broken your trust, it is difficult to get it back... he has come back, but you are perhaps thinking: what if he pulls the same stunt again? And this makes you question every move of his...

If you look at it from his point of view, he possibly also loves you but his family pressures are getting to him and he can do only that much. Yes, it would have been more 'human' to talk to you about what had happened after he spoke with his family. But he chose not to and that lack of transparency is what has thrown you off...perhaps, he isn't all that mature emotionally or feels that he might lose you if he shares anything.

Whatever it is, your loss of trust on him is justified after the way he had behaved. If the two of you still want to give your relationship a chance, kindly do so...and clearly state to him that you have lost trust on him. Not only does he have explaining to do but he must reassure you that he will be honest with you in future. Also, give some time before committing to a marriage while you watch whether he has changed and he is consistent with what he has committed to changing. Only when you are sure, take a decision either way!

All the best!

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Question by yadnya - Jun 01, 2023

Anu Krishna |458 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 03, 2023

Hi currently i am doing bsc biotech with also i am doing neet preparation sometimes i feel pressurised i tried my best but due to two at time i get low marks than actual cutoff this year I feel disheartened can you suggest me how to think clearly and boost my self confidence how to work now as i feel like lost

Ans: Dear Yadnya,
Competitive exams are such! The mindset that is required to attempt these is not just hard work but also RESILIENCE; which means adapting the mind to reality with its challenges thrown at you...
It's not the question of mere passing or failing but a certain level at which you are required to perform. How will you know that before you sit down to write the exam? So, yes...there is a faint bit of luck involved perhaps...

Having said this; as much as you have put down structure and process to the way you study, put down a plan of how you will manage your mind irrespective of the outcome. Do not be attached to the results, but keep it as a Goal point! Attaching yourself to the outcome that is not in your control will only get you all stressed up...

1. Write down your Goal clearly
2. Put down a neat plan of action to achieve it
3. Break down the action plan into what you will do everyday
4. Do some physical exercise everyday
5. Set aside time to meet friends
6. Remind yourself that this exam is not the end of your dreams but one of the ways to live your dreams
7. Journal everyday to release stress

All the best!

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Question by pascoal - May 19, 2023

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 02, 2023

I JUST WANT TO KEEP FRIENDSHIP TO BE FREE FROM TENSION AND DEPRESSION HOW CAN YOU HELP ME

Ans: Maintaining healthy friendships is important for your well-being. Here are some suggestions on how to keep your friendships stress-free and enjoyable:

Communication: Open and honest communication is key. Express your feelings, concerns, and needs to your friends, and encourage them to do the same. Effective communication can help address any issues or misunderstandings before they escalate.

Boundaries: Establishing and respecting personal boundaries is essential in any friendship. Clearly communicate your boundaries and be mindful of your friends' boundaries as well. This can help prevent conflicts and promote mutual respect.

Active listening: Practice active listening when your friends are sharing their thoughts or concerns. Show genuine interest, ask questions, and provide support when needed. Being a good listener strengthens the bond in friendships.

Quality time: Make an effort to spend quality time with your friends. Plan activities or outings that you all enjoy and create opportunities for meaningful connections. This can help strengthen your friendships and create positive experiences together.

Acceptance and understanding: Recognize that everyone has their strengths, weaknesses, and differences. Accept your friends for who they are and try to understand their perspectives. Embracing diversity within friendships can lead to a more harmonious dynamic.

Conflict resolution: Conflicts may arise in any relationship, including friendships. When conflicts occur, address them calmly and constructively. Approach the situation with empathy, actively listen to each other's perspectives, and work together to find resolutions that satisfy both parties.

Self-care: Take care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Prioritizing self-care allows you to bring a positive and balanced energy to your friendships.

Remember that maintaining friendships is a two-way street, and both parties need to invest time and effort. If you're feeling overwhelmed or experiencing tension or depression, it's essential to seek additional support from a mental health professional who can provide guidance tailored to your specific needs.

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Someone is from Oman and very less known to me, has proposed my sister for marrying. He is also purchasing a land in Oman in my sister name. But i am confused and worried that how can one do this before marriage. He is coming alone for marriage as told by him their parents are ill and can't travel. He called my younger brother to visit Oman and showed his offices and told him that he is doing some webshop business. Please help and suggest me how to get more information about him so we could avoid any mishappning.

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 02, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - May 08, 2023

Ans: It's understandable that you have concerns about your sister's potential marriage and the person proposing to her. It's essential to gather more information and ensure her safety. Here are some steps you can take to get more information and make an informed decision:

Communicate openly with your sister: Talk to your sister about your concerns and have an open and honest conversation with her. Make sure she understands your worries and the need for caution.

Research online: Conduct a thorough online search about the person proposing to your sister. Look for any social media profiles, professional information, or any other online presence that may provide insight into his background and character.

Talk to your sister's suitor: If possible, try to have a direct conversation with the person proposing to your sister. Ask him about his background, family, and other relevant details that will help you understand him better. Listen carefully to his answers and observe his demeanor.

Verify his claims: Ask for documentation or proof of the land purchase in your sister's name. This will help confirm if the claims are genuine. You can also consider contacting authorities in Oman to verify the land purchase if needed.

Involve a trusted third party: If possible, involve a trusted family member or friend who can act as a mediator or guide during the process. They can help gather information, ask relevant questions, and provide a different perspective.

Seek advice from local authorities or legal professionals: Consult with local authorities or legal professionals who can guide you on the legal aspects of the situation and provide advice on how to proceed.

Consider a background check: If you still have concerns and doubts, you may want to consider hiring a professional background checking service to gather more information about the person proposing to your sister. They can help verify his identity, background, and any potential red flags.

Remember, it's crucial to approach this situation with sensitivity, care, and open communication with your sister. Ultimately, her happiness and safety should be the top priority, and gathering more information will help you make an informed decision.

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Question by Ravi - Jun 02, 2023

Anu Krishna |458 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 02, 2023

Hi for some reason nowdays, I am having this fetish about my wife having an affair. It does not help that she is good looking flirty with other guys and they flirt back at her. But instead of getting angry the idea of her having sex with some other guy turns me on like crazy. Is there anything wrong with me and what should I do to change this mindset.

Ans: Dear Ravi,
What happens with two consenting adults and in your case, the two of you are married...it is strictly between them.
Now, the challenge would be if your fetish is something that your wife does not want to indulge into...
Also, if this becomes the only way that you can be intimate with you wife, then you will start to become dependent on it. That's when you become a slave to it and without it, you will feel no attraction.

This way can possibly be a good add-on spice to your intimate life. But, also bring back the spice between the two by spending more quality time with each other...Do remember, there's a good reason why you married her and you do know the reason why you used to be attracted by her. Bring that back and use this add-on more as something that you summon only at times. It's not that difficult, a bit of effort to connect more meaningfully as a couple can help here...

All the best!

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Question by KM - May 30, 2023

Anu Krishna |458 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 02, 2023

I am a 43 year old man my relationship with .y wife goes back 29 years and marriage is of 21 years. I caught her cheating and came across her chats. I am unable to forget it. I asked her to leave filed for divorce then again called her back and did not file for divorce. We have a 15 year old daughter. I am just not able to forget each line of her chats with her bf.

Ans: Dear KM,
You asked her to leave and filed for divorce and then went back on it? Why so?
Why did you call her back and then also not want to file for divorce?
And you are still tormented by each line of the chat...
Either, you and your wife can talk about it and move past this OR you need to decide if you want to move out of the marriage.
There is no point having one foot here and another there; it will cause you a lot of pain which is what is happening currently.
So, since you have mentioned that you have a daughter, it's possible that you have held back because of her. Understandable as you are thinking of her and her happiness as well.

I suggest, you and your wife have a conversation and a very honest one...tell her exactly what and how you feel.
If you feel that there is possibility of reconciliation and that can happen only if you are willing to forgive and move on, then kindly find a way to live under a roof amicably. If not, then the best is to think about how a separation can help also keeping your daughter in mind.

Go one way and decide what that way will be. Forgiveness isn't easy, but if it can give you your peace of mind back, why not! Talk it out please...

All the best!

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Question by Ravi - Jun 01, 2023

Shalini Singh |29 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on Jun 01, 2023

I am married but I want to date and my wife is ok with it. Can u suggest some good optilons?

Ans: yes, there are many couples who are fine with their partner having more than one partner - its good to know you have had this discussion with your wife. Wishing you the best.

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Question by SATISH - Jun 01, 2023

Anu Krishna |458 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 01, 2023

Should a 65 plus ( widower ) person go for a new relataionship

Ans: Dear Satish,
Yes, why ever not!
Everyone has a right to be happy and if a new relationship can add to your happiness and your partner is also seeking the same, YES, kindly go for it...
But a word of caution, do not go for it if what you want is someone to fill in your emptiness or loneliness. Step into it only if it is to enrich the other person's life through the next phase your journeys.

All the best!

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Question by Rani - May 19, 2023

Anu Krishna |458 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 01, 2023

Hi I am 42 years old feeling very lonely because of my husband and my in-laws. My husband is not earning money but always trying to show his family as everything that is our house, car daily food groceries n everything he has purchased. Since last 17 years I am working in a well known pharmaceutical industry earning around 1 lakhs per month. But I have not recognised by anyone in my office and home. No one from my family is talking with me including my husband. Since last decade he is drinking a lot and cursing me n my parents. Pls suggest how could I get rid of the things? Shall I continue with such a family or quit? I don’t have a kid

Ans: Dear Rani,
When you have felt that what must come out of a marriage is not what you actually happening, why exactly are you choosing to be stuck within it?
17 years is a long time to adapt and compromise...wouldn't you want to experience a better life?
But of course, do check with yourself as to why have you held onto the marriage for so long...because if you choose to step out of it, the reason why you stayed in it, will have to be let go of...is it social pressure that you might have faced or were you just playing a dutiful wife? CHECK with yourself and if you know that you are ready to let go of the reason, then you know what must be done next...

All the best!

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Question by TRS - May 29, 2023

Anu Krishna |458 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 01, 2023

My close friend cheated on his wife. I am close friends with her too. They got divorced because he loved the other girl. I like my friend’s ex-wife and I proposed to her. Her family said yes but my family is not agreeing. What should I do?

Ans: Dear TRS,
If you and the lady are sure of what you want, I guess the family will eventually understand this. But yes, sit them down and address their concerns. I am sure they are not agreeing for various reasons. Hear them out; their fears might rest after that conversation. Do not ignore their resentments, disagreements etc as they all come from a place of love and concern for you.

Now, you know that you got to make that attempt if you want to marry this person. So, do what it takes...

All the best!

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Question by Yashpal - May 31, 2023

Anu Krishna |458 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 01, 2023

I m struggling with alcoholism....... anxiety and depression for a lot of years

Ans: Dear Yashpal,
Kindly join a centre that runs de-addiction programs. Anxiety and Depression is caused by alcoholism and alcoholism leads to Anxiety and Depression. It's a dangerous cycle that must be broken.
Also, change the circle of friends if you are hanging out with ones who are kind enough to offer you a bottle or encourage your drinking.
Keep your family close to you as you need love and support through this challenging time.
Seek the help of a mental health expert who can support the de-addiction program through other interventions as well.
Step Up and Take Charge of your life NOW!

All the best; you can do this!

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Question by Pramod - May 31, 2023

Anu Krishna |458 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 01, 2023

I’m finding it difficult to handle my wife of late, She is 45, may be pre menopausal symptoms I don’t know

Ans: Dear Pramod,
Why do you think you have to handle your wife?
Shouldn't you in fact, be together with your wife in the marriage? And the same goes for her as well.
If there are challenges in having free flow of communication between the two of you; the only way to enable this is to actually talk about it.
If you feel that it maybe perimenopausal, there is need for more understanding of what she might be going through. Also, it might be wise to physically rule out any vitamin deficiencies and check other health parameters that change after the age of 40 for a woman.
Be patient; she is the person you chose to marry...a phase of life never means the end of the world...it only means a slight change in the way you look at things to do better.

All the best!

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When being in a relationship, how long does it take before you really know each other?

Shalini Singh |29 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on Jun 01, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - May 29, 2023

Ans: It can take anything from 3-6 months to know if you wish to be with someone for long term. To do so, its important you meet each other's friends - you can learn a lot about a person by meeting their friends. Wishing you the best.

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Question by Pankhuri - May 29, 2023

Shalini Singh |29 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on Jun 01, 2023

hello. in a typical arrange marriage scene , i talk to a person from 4 months. Everything goes well . wen parents ask about his concent ,he said i m already committed. what is the interpretation?

Ans: The person you spoke to should be asked what does he mean and if was committed why was he investing his time in you and making you do the same - invest time in him.

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My friend who is 38 is unable to find a good partner to get married. She earns well, is well settled and is looking for a boy who can spend his future with her keeping her interests and goals in mind. However, most guys she's met either want an educated girl to look after his parents or want someone who will quit her job to raise a family. Is she wrong to have basic expectations and dreams from her future partner?

Shalini Singh |29 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on Jun 01, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - May 29, 2023

Ans: She absolutely should know her dealbreakers and negotiables. Finding someone compatible does take time - ask her to not give up on her search - she surely will find someone likeminded. wishing her the best.

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I went on a bad date and I don't want to do it again. How can I thank the person and refuse politely without offending them?

Shalini Singh |29 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on Jun 01, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - May 29, 2023

Ans: Message the person - Thank them for their time and share that you do not wish either invests more time in getting to know for now and wish them the best.

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My boyfriend tells me he might want to go back and be friends again because he doesn’t feel a different kind of ‘love’ when he is dating me now. What should I do?

Shalini Singh |29 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on Jun 01, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - May 29, 2023

Ans: Hear what he is saying - he wishes to be friends and not be in a relationship - you need to decide if you wish to have him in your life only as a friend and not a boyfriend.

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Question by Raj - May 16, 2023

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 01, 2023

today i m 49years old. on 25.09.2018 i got a proposal call from candidate's sister. everything was fine till 26.11.2018. His freind told something and his behaviour changed with me. 26.01.2019 his father expired. 31.01.2019 my uncle expired. iwent to my native place. we were in contact on call & whatsapp. when i return from my native place on 16.02.2019 He & his family refuse to marry. Till date we are in contact. Last year 9th may his mother is also expired. Now he is alone still he is refusing to marry. Before he used to tell that mother dont like you so till mamma is ther he cant marry. I love him very much as we were having physical relation also. Now its almost 5years in relation. How do i convince him to get marry Please advise

Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the difficulties you've faced in your relationship. It can be challenging when circumstances and external factors affect a relationship. However, it's important to remember that the decision to marry ultimately lies with both individuals involved.

Here are some suggestions to consider:

Open and honest communication: Have a heartfelt conversation with your partner about your feelings and desire to get married. Express your love and commitment, and try to understand his perspective and concerns. Encourage him to share his thoughts openly and honestly.

Understand his fears and reservations: It's possible that your partner may have fears or reservations about marriage due to the losses he has experienced. Listen attentively and try to empathize with his feelings. Show understanding and support, allowing him to express his emotions.

Seek professional help: Consider suggesting couples therapy or counseling. A professional therapist can provide a safe and neutral space to explore the issues in your relationship and help facilitate communication and understanding between both of you.

Patience and time: Healing from loss and overcoming personal fears can take time. Be patient and give your partner the space he needs to process his emotions and make decisions about marriage. Avoid putting pressure on him or rushing the process.

Focus on building a strong foundation: Work on strengthening your relationship outside of the context of marriage. Build trust, deepen emotional connection, and continue to support each other through life's challenges. A strong foundation can create a more solid base for considering marriage in the future.

Consider your own needs and happiness: While it's important to be understanding and patient, it's also crucial to prioritize your own needs and happiness. Reflect on what you truly desire in a relationship and consider whether you're willing to wait indefinitely for your partner to be ready for marriage.

Ultimately, the decision to marry should be a mutual one based on love, commitment, and shared goals. It's important to have open and honest conversations with your partner and seek professional guidance if necessary.

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I'm 66 yrs old retired having two sons, both married according to their choice. My wife 60 going to retire in a couple of months. My elder son who is a Bank executive married since 10 years and issueless. The younger son working as an executive in KPMG married since 4 years and having a child. Due some misunderstanding with the their wives the sons are at times not in talking terms with us. My sons are also not in talking terms with each other. In the recent days the elder son directly instigated not to keep contact with the younger one because he did not like our closeness with him. We are put into dilemma and unable to convince both the children to reconcile the situation. Please advise.

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 01, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - May 20, 2023

Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the strained relationships between your sons and their wives, as well as the tension between your sons themselves. Here are some suggestions that may help:

Open and honest communication: Encourage open and honest communication between all family members. Try to create a safe and non-judgmental environment where everyone can express their thoughts, concerns, and feelings. Act as a mediator, actively listening to each party and facilitating productive discussions.

Family counseling: Consider seeking the help of a family counselor or therapist who specializes in resolving family conflicts. A professional can provide guidance and help navigate the complexities of the situation, facilitating healthier communication and promoting understanding among family members.

Individual conversations: Have one-on-one conversations with each of your sons to understand their perspectives and concerns. Encourage them to share their feelings openly and without interruption. This can help you gain insight into their individual experiences and provide a foundation for finding common ground.

Encourage empathy and understanding: Emphasize the importance of empathy and understanding in resolving conflicts. Help your sons and their spouses see things from each other's perspectives, fostering compassion and promoting reconciliation.

Promote shared experiences: Find opportunities for your sons and their families to spend time together in a neutral and relaxed environment. Encourage activities that promote bonding, such as family outings, celebrations, or vacations. Creating positive shared experiences can help rebuild connections and mend relationships.

Set boundaries: While it's important to encourage reconciliation, it's equally important to set and maintain healthy boundaries. Ensure that everyone understands the need for respect and mutual consideration, both within the family and between the spouses. Reinforce the importance of maintaining healthy relationships while respecting individual autonomy.

Lead by example: Show your sons and their spouses that you value and prioritize healthy relationships. Demonstrate positive communication, respect, and understanding in your own interactions with them and with your wife. Lead by example and encourage them to do the same.

Remember, resolving family conflicts takes time, effort, and understanding from all parties involved. It may be helpful to seek professional guidance from a family therapist who can provide tailored advice based on a deeper understanding of your family dynamics.

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Question by Deepak - May 22, 2023

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 01, 2023

Hi Dr. Ashish, Good Afternoon, Iam 45 years old. I got married in 2010. My wife has ego and doesnt get adjusted to me and my family. I occured the experience after 2012 when my wife was 2 month pregnant. I was going to job, there was no peace of mind at all. From 2013 february we are not staying together. Her life is running as per her mother advice. We are having a communication very rarely. I had heard from her mother in law like impotent, not capable of doing anything. There are de-grading words always used and treated with no respect whenever i visited my wife house. My wife has communicated me verbally on January 2023, that she doesn't want the relationship to continue. She blocked me on whatsapp dated 03rd February 2023. I have one daughter aged 9 years. I am calling every week to get in touch with my daughter. The wife family not responding to the phones and my wife also. Request your sincere advice for permanent solution. Thanks & Regards, Deepak Shetty

Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the difficulties you're facing in your marriage and with your wife's family. It sounds like a challenging situation, but I'll try my best to offer some general advice.

Seek professional help: Considering the complexities of your situation, it might be helpful to seek professional guidance. Marriage counselors or therapists can provide a neutral space for both you and your wife to express your concerns and work towards finding a resolution.

Legal advice: If your attempts at communication and reconciliation have not been successful, it may be advisable to consult with a lawyer to understand your legal rights and options. They can guide you through the process and help you navigate any legal implications, especially regarding your relationship with your daughter.

Open communication: While it may be challenging, try to maintain open lines of communication with your wife. Clearly express your desire to work on the relationship and be involved in your daughter's life. Choose a calm and respectful approach when communicating, even if the response is not favorable.

Mediation: Consider involving a mediator to facilitate communication between you and your wife. A neutral third party can help create a constructive environment for dialogue and negotiation, increasing the chances of finding a mutually acceptable solution.

Patience and understanding: Dealing with relationship issues takes time and effort. It's important to remain patient, understanding, and willing to work towards a resolution. Focus on the best interests of your daughter and strive for an amicable co-parenting relationship, even if the marital relationship cannot be mended.

Focus on personal well-being: Take care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally during this challenging time. Seek support from friends, family, or support groups. Engage in activities that bring you joy and help you maintain a positive outlook.

Remember that every situation is unique, and the advice provided here may not fully address your specific circumstances. It's crucial to consult professionals who can provide personalized guidance based on a deeper understanding of your situation.

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Dear Sir. We have a 9 year old daughter and we have enrolled her in spiritual learning class (1 hour every week), singing Carnatic music (1 hours every week), Bharat Natyam Dance class (2 hours every week). We are both working and we make it a point to spent quality time with her during weekends. My daughter is actively interested in these extra curricular activities. We have a society compound where children play and mainly they are boys. My daughter is not comfortable playing with them as they are much elder to her and at times dominate her. She has only 1 friend (girl) in her age group and mostly plays with her indoor. We discourage our daughter from playing alone outside as nowadays we hear a lot about girl child rapes, girl child molestation in the social media/news etc. This has led my daughter to spend more time with mobiles/laptops watching videos as she does not have many options to play. We shout at her often to spend less screen time but we then feel guilty as she has less options to play. She does have indoor games but gets bored very easily playing with them. We are worried that this may lead to lower self esteem as she spends more time indoors rather than outdoor. Please advise.

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 01, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - May 24, 2023

Ans: I understand your concerns about your daughter's limited options for outdoor play and her increased screen time. It's important to find a balance between keeping her safe and allowing her to engage in physical activities and social interactions. Here are a few suggestions that may help:

Encourage supervised playdates: Try organizing playdates with her friend or other children in her age group, either at your home or in a safe environment. This will give her an opportunity to interact with peers and engage in outdoor activities.

Explore extracurricular activities: Apart from her current classes, consider enrolling her in other activities that align with her interests. This could include sports, art classes, or any other activities available in your area that would allow her to interact with children of her age.

Get involved in community events: Look for community events or programs that involve children, such as sports tournaments, cultural festivals, or workshops. These events often provide a safe environment for children to interact and engage in various activities.

Discuss her concerns and teach self-defense: Have an open conversation with your daughter about her discomfort in playing with older boys. Teach her about personal boundaries and self-defense techniques so that she feels more empowered and confident while playing outside.

Consider joining parent-child groups: Look for parent-child groups or organizations in your community where you can participate together. These groups often organize outdoor activities for children and provide an opportunity for parents to connect and plan playdates.

Monitor screen time and suggest alternatives: While it's understandable that she may enjoy using mobiles and laptops, it's important to limit her screen time. Set specific time limits for screen usage and encourage her to engage in alternative activities, such as reading books, solving puzzles, drawing, or playing board games.

Create a safe outdoor space: If possible, create a safe outdoor space within your compound where she can play under your supervision. You could set up a play area with age-appropriate equipment and encourage her to spend time there.

Remember, it's essential to strike a balance between safety and allowing your daughter to explore and engage in outdoor activities. By providing her with options, encouraging social interactions, and monitoring screen time, you can help her develop self-esteem and a healthy lifestyle.

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Question by William - May 26, 2023

Anu Krishna |458 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 31, 2023

Hi sir. My daughter is 25 years old. She is Mass Media Graduate & done a Masters course in Photography. She wants to pursue career in Photography but not finding suitable job. She has left few jobs in last one year due to her aloof nature & relationship problems. She has low self esteem due to this & sliping into depression. What can be done?

Ans: Dear William,
Expectations v/s Reality

The nature of jobs like the one your daughter wants to do is not like a regular 9-5 job that is mostly predictable. A career in Photography means freelancing, shadowing an expert, willingness to absorb failure as a part of life, watch and wait games, over-demanding work schedules and superiors...
Does she have the mindset for this? If NO, and she is adamant about Photography as a career, she must develop a mindset that will support that career. Otherwise, everyday is going to be a struggle.

If she expects life to somewhat rosy right at the beginning, the reality is vastly different and this is what is also making her aloof and self-esteem issues.
I suggest that you find a mentor who can guide her towards reality and also re-orient her mind to adapt to the nature of her career and job. This mentor must be an expert in the fields of Photography and/or Videography and/or Film-making...these fields are more less similar in terms of their demands and attributes and this person can valuably suggest on what you daughter can do to feel at ease with the reality is.

All the best!

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Question by samanthana - May 29, 2023

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 31, 2023

why my crush ignores me

Ans: Dear Samanthana,

If you find your crush ignoring you, it most likely means they don't reciprocate the same feelings for you. Maybe they find it uncomfortable or merely want to make it clear that they are not interested. I know it is hard to hear this, but more often than not, these are the reasons. It's not your fault that they are behaving this way, but in this instance, it isn't their fault either for not sharing the same feelings as you. Yes, it could have been communicated in a better way than ignoring you, but it is what it is.

My advice would be to focus on yourself and move on. You will find people who will be equally interested in you; don't settle for someone who doesn't feel the same for you.

Best Wishes!

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While dating, when someone says 'be yourself' what do they actually mean?

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 31, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - May 29, 2023

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

Be Yourself is the best advice anyone can offer. It means to be your authentic self. We all put forward our best selves while meeting new people.

Be yourself primarily means being your core self, showcasing your authentic personality, instead of faking to make yourself more attractive. If you change the way you talk in front of your date, don't do it. Speak the way you speak. If you act dumb to tickle your date's ego, don't do it. Be the wise person you are, unapologetically. If you alter your core values to be with someone, don't. Be vulnerable. Be you; be the best version of you!

Best Wishes!

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Question by TRS - May 29, 2023

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 30, 2023

I love a girl for 6 months. Now she does not want to continue the relationship. I am in deep love and cannot live without her. What should to do?

Ans: Dear TRS,

She does not want to continue; what you have to do is as clear as day. Move on. It's easier said than done, I know. But I don't see any other option here. When someone says they don't want to do something, there is no point in trying to convince them. First off, no means no. Second, do you consider yourself so unworthy of real connection that you will force one? It doesn't seem like it today, but all these sad feelings will pass soon and you will find yourself thinking what a good idea it was to move on. Anything other than focusing all your energy on moving on will be a waste of time.

Also, we have all been in this "I cannot live without him/her" phase. But here we are, living a happy life, single or committed to the right person. You will too.

Best Wishes!

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Question by TRS - May 29, 2023

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 30, 2023

This is the first time that i'm having a crush on a boy. He is in my college. For the past few years i am looking him, but never managed to talk to him, i want to talk to him and tell him about my feelings, please help me how do I start?

Ans: Dear TRS,

I am glad to know you are finally thinking of talking to your crush. There is nothing to be worried about; be brave, go up to him, and introduce yourself. Don't start with, "Hey, I like you." Instead say something like, "I have seen you here a couple of times. Which year are you in?" Something that will get the conversation started without making it too obvious that you have a crush on him and yet leave some hint of that being a possibility. Just to be on the safer side, prepare some conversational topics in your mind.

If you feel awkward, understand that it is normal. It's a big step and the important part is that you are ready to take it. You can do a little digging on him and find something common between the two of you and talk about that. Once you notice him reciprocating the same interest in you, you can confess how you have been feeling. But my advice is to talk to him for a while, as a friend, evaluate the guy, and then tell him about your feelings. You have only known him from far away; what if you don't like his personality? Take the time to know him; if he's the right person for you, things will work themselves out.

Best Wishes!

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Question by Rankanidhi - May 28, 2023

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 30, 2023

I am 71 male. About 40 years back when I was not in a permanent job, my boss tried to exploit and black mail me. Had he succeeded, I would have no choice but to commit suicide. Fortunately I survived and prospered in my career. My family life is also happy and my two sons are well placed. However I am unable to forget his treachery. I am always thinking of this incident. Is this a sign that I am having mental disorder for which I need treatment?

Ans: Dear Rankanidhi,
So, are you looking for revenge so that you feel satisfied?
Is it too hard to look at all the good things you have and the love that you are surrounded with?

Yet you choose to talk and live that one incident so much that it is forcing you to overlook even the best things in life. Yes, you are choosing it and you are choosing it for a reason.
Instead, can you dull it out and come into the bright phase that you are in? Cherish all that has happened and live every moment with your friends and family.

Life is how we choose it and we live that reality every moment...So, you don't have a mental disorder, it's just that that one instance (treachery, as you call it), is being allowed by you to have great prominence in your mind and what you allow in your mind will grow.

When the garbage can is overflowing at home, what do you do? Do you throw more and keep it around? Do exactly the same with that 'treachery' episode what you would do with an overflowing garbage can at home.

All the best!

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Question by deepak - May 27, 2023

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 30, 2023

Is there any solution to get rid of from negative thoughts or depression in mind please suggest

Ans: Dear Deepak,
To clarify to you:
Negative thoughts and depression are not the same. Also, negative thoughts that are not handled well can over a period of time lead to low moods, fatigue and in chronic cases lead to depression.

This should tell you that what you possibly are dealing with is negative thoughts or what i would like to call: Not-so-useful thoughts.
Does anything trigger this in you?
Is it any particular time of the day?

What you can do:
Introduce walking/jogging/exercise everyday at least for 30-40 mins
Journal your thoughts whatever they may be
Move around in social circles that talk about positive things
Check what you watch on the OTT platforms and if it's dark and dreary, change your watchlist
Spend a lot of time in Nature

All the best!

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Question by Lakhbinder - May 16, 2023

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 30, 2023

Mam, my son has just completed his 12 class in commerce stream. His self confidence is low and in exams he failed to give his 100% and score low marks than his capability. His is also careless in studies. please guide how we can help him and how he can improve on this. We are very much disturbed due to this. Please help...

Ans: Dear Lakhbinder,
That age is a very confusing time for youngsters as they not only have to deal with the expectations of the school and parents but also 'fit in' with their peers.
It is natural to be defocused from academics and not do their best and I do understand your worry especially if he is aiming at a highly academic course after Class 12.

In my experience, working with youngsters, this is what I have understood:

Youngsters are not careless with their studies without reasons.
- They are doing a course which they were forced into or don't have an aptitude for
- They have immense pressure at home and school to perform
- They have been subject to a lot of comparison with those performing well in their class
- They have a lot of unwanted influences through chat apps and social media apps
- They are constantly monitored as to how much effort they are putting
- They are simply giving into their rebellious streaks given the age

It could be any of the above. Do identify and if there are things as a parent you can do, kindly step in NOT as a friend but by being more accepting and FRIENDLY. If it's about focus orientation, seek an expert who in one session will be able to help him through re-training the mind hacks which are simple to follow with amazing results.

All the best!

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Question by Rajani - May 27, 2023

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 27, 2023

Why does my senior colleague who is separated from his wife give me expensive gifts? I respect him for his knowledge and thats about it. He is 50 plus. And my age is 32. This is in spite of the fact that i am happily married for and have a 8 year old son. He wants to call me every month and talk. He also wants to meet me in person. I have explained to him that i am committed to my husband. Why does he do this? How do i handle this situation?

Ans: Dear Rajani,
He is possibly lonely and wants female company and attention. Gifts are a way to entice a woman to take notice and subtly tell her that he is interested in her and her company.

The reason that you have put this into this forum is already confirming that you are comfortable with the way this colleague has been continuously approaching you. It's within your power to stop it, by simply saying so. Agreed, it's a senior colleague and a lot might be riding on it professionally, but you don't need to be silent about something that you do not want and are uncomfortable with.

If you meet him in person, that will be a sign for him that you are also interested. Kindly refuse this; meet him at the office cafeteria or a place where everyone knows him and politely convey your thoughts on this. The boundaries have to be conveyed clearly. And if he does not understand this, a firm NO, do involve your husband. That presence is not because you are weak but it will help your colleague understand that he needs to back off.

All the best!

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Hi! I am married now for 4 years and have a 18 months old child. My wife is having Borderline Personality Disorder and often talks about ending the marriage but when she is normal, she credits me for such an understanding husband. She doesn't acknowledge that she has such disorder from before marriage. I am very disallusioned about what step to take more so because of my daughter. Shall I go for divorse? Please advice.

Anu Krishna |458 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 25, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - May 24, 2023

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's easy to walk out on a marriage but being in it and overcoming challenges together can grow the two of you in love and trust.
Whether she knows about her condition before marriage or not, in my opinion is not of concern as you need to focus on how as a family you can deal with the situation. What if you were in her place? Would you want her to leave you?
Any disorder (as experts call it) of the mind require a lot of support from the family members and having worked with clients on this, I can tell you involving the family makes it easier for the person struggling with it. It also strengthens their bond. The two of you have a child who needs both parents...
It may seems an uphill task to be in this situation but do remind yourself: Why did I marry this person in the first place?
This reason will be enough to carry you on and make a commitment to handle it together.
I do realize that one day she may say one thing and go back and say just the opposite the next day. It can be very disillusioning for you. My appeal is: go back to the person who diagnosed her. He/she will educate you on the coping strategies individually and the family as a whole. A good round of counselling will also help your wife take care of her mind state.

All the best and I am sure you can do this...

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Question by Vikram - Apr 29, 2023

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 25, 2023

My wife has an extreme fear of lizards and also all reptiles. She is completely panicked if a lizard enters the house and simply cannot function. Please advise how she can overcome this fear.

Ans: Dear Vikram,
Has this fear something new or has it been from a young age?

Whichever it is, the incident is being replayed over and over again when she sees a lizard. It means that, that incident has to ease in the mind for a better reaction/response when she sees a lizard.
The easiest way is to 'DULL' out that memory and make it vanish. It's a very effective way to train the mind to literally erase that memory without replacing it with anything.

It's a phobia and if you feel it requires an expert, seek one...for an expert who can deal with anxiety related to a phobia, it will be a matter of minutes to help your wife.

All the best!

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Question by anu - May 14, 2023

Anu Krishna |458 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 25, 2023

a wife leaves her husband and goes to her home her father files case for divorce and her mother in law says she will never let her in the in laws house what she should she do ???

Ans: Dear Anu,
I am trying to understand only one thing here:
- Why does the wife want to go back to her in-law's house after the divorce is finalized?

You answer to your question on what should the wife do is in my question to you. Kindly ponder on it and maybe things will be clear to you and whoever is involved in the situation.

All the best!

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Question by Kamaldeep - May 24, 2023

Anu Krishna |458 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 25, 2023

Hi, What is your coaching about?

Ans: Dear Kamaldeep,
Thank you for asking and being curious.
Coaching is predominantly about a Coach
- guiding his/her Client to navigate through their challenge areas in their lives
- helping them navigate through unresourceful emotions to realize their true potential
- fueling a better state of mind to live a better and wholesome life

Coaching is through one on one and group training sessions with my core knowledge of NLP (Neurolinguistic Programming) besides Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT), Transactional Analysis (TA) and many more.
I work on relationships, career, health and overall wellness of clients as a coach, consultant and mentor.

Predominant challenges that my coaching deals with are anxiety and panic disorders, couples dealing with marriage issues, separation and divorce, fears and phobias, stress management at various stages of life, career stagnation and more...
It has been truly humbling for me to receive opportunities to help and guide people. A learning curve indeed!

All the best!

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Question by Rajat - May 23, 2023

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 24, 2023

Dear Aruna, Just to brief we live in joint family and I lost my brother (suicidal) 4 months back he had few bad habits including steal the things. He left behind his wife and 2 sons ( 10 years and 6 years). Now my brother’s wife found herself incapable to take care of my nephews who is on wrong track, he stole lot of money and use it for his wish list .I and other family members sits with him no. Of times to make him understand that it’s bad habit and should stop this but still he is consistently stealing money from every corner of house and even some time kinds from home to sell outside. Due to my brother suicidal case we can not even think to force him above a limit..which we have already tried. Kindly suggest appropriate way to Handel him.

Ans: Dear Rajat,
I am truly sorry for your loss and may your family heal through this.
There is a reason why your nephew chooses to steal...Does he miss his father and doesn't know how to say it and is asking for attention by stealing? One would never know...

Right now, he is also in grief like the rest of you...but this behaviour cannot go unnoticed.
A lot of love and care for him to bounce back from this loss may help him get back on his feet.
But, if the stealing habit does not stop, kindly visit a child psychologist who might suggest simple behavioural therapies that can eliminate this from the source. This requires an in-person intervention...

All the best and kindly do not delay the further course of action!

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Question by Payel - Apr 12, 2023

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 24, 2023

I as a woman,I always want to do some work in my life.but now the problem is if I marry to my boyfriend he wanted a home maker wife.He support me in my work but his concern is about our future that who will take care of our child and than how I balanced my work...I don't understand what to do.

Ans: Dear Payel,
As someone who has worked with many couples who have planned to marry, I suggest one thing: If being a working woman is very important to you and your partner wants something quite different...this can become a huge issue later after marriage.
Have that frank conversation before you make the big decision of marrying...It is possible for a woman to work and look after the family as well with of course some help from family or by hiring help. But what can't be helped is if your partner carries the belief that it's a woman's job to stay home and care for babies (especially if the woman role models in his life have done that). This can become a huge challenge when you have the opposite view.
So, talk about this and know that as a woman you do have the skill of managing different things together. I am sure when the two of you converse, he will be able to see your perspective as well. You may also be able to ease his fears on how the baby can be cared for even if you work. It maybe as simple as that.

All the best!

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Question by Radha - May 21, 2023

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 23, 2023

I am 12th passed student and I had a bf around feb .Everything was perfectly fine in the starting but then somehow our talks got less and i asked him if everything was ok bcoz i felt strange whenever we talked through texts. He said he is tired and doesn't wanna talk and did not know what happened to him ... Plus exams were ongoing so I supported the way I can but i knew something was off ... As the time passed things got worse. I asked how much time u need to be urself .. u are going out with ur friends but don't wanna talk to me neither u asked how i am for past dew weeks or a month . In the last he said leave I am not good enough for you. Everything thing we talked was on snapchat app. I was so depressed plus my exam result were less then expected. I stopped using any social media.. There wasn't a single day i missed him or thought of seeing the snaps but somehow i made myself I understand that If u were imp he wouldn't talk about leaving...ig ... But still I do miss him when everything was started and ended by him... On 14th My frnd texted me asking abt my result and she said she will ask him aswell( she doesn't know abt us dating) ... And after a week i.e today i downloaded the app and i saw that he sent me snaps till 14th and they all were deleted and after that there was nothing. Somehow i feel that there must be some conversations between my frnd and him. But what i feel now is that i regret why i didn't saw his msgs when i missed him. It makes me feel regret and sad . Whenever i think about it i forget all that disrespect but at the same time something stops me . Idk what kind of feeling is this ... All ik that there was a little communication between us that was also gone ... I just wanna overcome but i cant . Its gonna be a month and these emotions are really making me feel depressed. I even start making scenarios and stories in my mind . Idk what is happening to me . Pls help me overcome this what should i do ?

Ans: Dear Radha,

I understand that you are experiencing a rollercoaster of emotions at the moment, but listen to me, this too shall pass. You won't feel this way three months from now. Six months from now, you will find it funny that you even felt this way once, and you might even regret focusing on your ex than your exams. Two years from now, you will even forget how you felt on this day; you will forget the sorrow, you will forget how lonely and helpless you felt. You will move on. Everyone does. Look at the bigger picture and these feelings that you are experiencing today will seem small.

Now, coming to how you can deal with it at present- focus on your studies; everything can wait, but your career won't. Hang out with your friends; tell them how you are feeling. Talking about pain is known to give some kind of relief. No one can take it from you, but having someone to listen to it can help. Focus on your health- mental and physical; workout a bit. It helps. And, in the end, let time do its magic.

P.S. If he says he's not good enough for you, believe it. You deserve better; even your ex thinks so. So why don't you?

Best Wishes!

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Question by yashasvi - Apr 18, 2023

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 23, 2023

Is it normal for guys to loose interest after dating for 2 months as he was the one who was interested first..

Ans: Dear Yashasvi,

Is it normal? Yes; people, both girls and guys, often lose interest. The initial spark fades and people move on in search of the same spark somewhere else. But is it okay to behave this erratically? No. It is selfish. The early stage spark fades for every couple, but a relationship is a commitment. Couples in a happy and healthy relationship rebuild their own spark every day, instead of bailing once things start to become mundane.

If your guy has left you after mere two months, count yourself lucky. You don't want to date such people; you can do a lot better than him.

Best Wishes!

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Question by SSV - May 19, 2023

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 23, 2023

Heloo I have been a single mother for the last 10 years. Last year I found a guy to retain he loves me and had a physical relationship with me. Six months it was good. suddenly he realized that he had family and started ignoring me, and stop chatting meeting me. I am waiting for him till date. But in the last four months, I start liking another guy who is married with two children and who also loves me a lot. We had a long-distance relationship. He comes from Pune to meet me. We talk a lot on calls. But still, I am confused about what to do. I cannot forget my first guy and also don't know what I feel for the second guy. but I like to talk to him. Please guide me. I don't want to be alone.

Ans: Dear SSV,

It might help you to take a second and think about what you want. You loved someone and now he is gone. Moving on and finding another person to love is natural. Not being able to forget your ex might not be so much about your ex, as much as it is about you not being ready for another relationship. Allow yourself the time to heal and then look to love and be loved.

Introspection- asking yourself, "Am I really in love?" "Do I need some more time to move on?" "Am I completely healed from the previous breakup?" and so on can help you identify the real problem at hand.

You said, "I don't want to be alone." Are you sure you are not jumping from one relationship to another from the fear of the same? Don't let the fear of loneliness rush you into making moves that you might regret. You can consider stepping back from your current relationship for a heartbeat and figure out what it is that you want without your feelings clouding your judgment. Relationships don't usually work out when you are in two minds about it.

Best Wishes!

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My son is 20 years old. Few days ago he went to my parents place. He stole 60K from my fathers account. I am disturbed by this act, dont know how to handle this situation. How should I talk to him regarding this, please help.

Anu Krishna |458 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 23, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - May 22, 2023

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Ooops...it is very concerning. Are you absolutely sure or has there been some misunderstanding on this?
If you are sure, then he needs to be called out on what he has done, I would also want you as a parent to work with him on this.
Ask him:
- Did you need the money for anything specific?
- What could you have done instead of stealing the money?
- Are we not approachable as a family that you needed to steal the money?

The word, 'steal' is a strong one...but it must be used for him to understand that what he did was not correct at all. But do refrain from calling him a 'thief' or any other word that can be damaging. Since this might be the first mistake on his part (which is something I am assuming), he must be given a chance to explain his actions and told that it is unacceptable.

I hope through this exercise, he will feel remorse and DO the right thing in future. If you see nothing change, kindly consult with an expert who can decode this and help him out further. But, it must be stopped.

All the best!

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Hello Anu, A friend is having trouble in his marriage of 17 years. The wife got into an affair with a neighbor. Once the friend found out, he took his time to consolidate evidence and now after confronting, both have accepted. The husband is too emotional to let go of the happenings and has taken it to heart like anything (6+ months now). They have a 13 year old kid. Both have come to terms with the fact that they need to be together for the kid's sake, but can't seem to come to terms to even talk to each other, staying in the same house. I have suggested them to stay together as parents and not as a couple (at least, till they are able to sort out the future steps) but there seems no way the husband will communicate with the wife in daily routine, and the wife is helpless as she feels morally guilty in saying anything to the husband. Could you suggest some tips on how to get them communicating so that they are able to at least move forward in some direction or the other?

Anu Krishna |458 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 23, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - May 22, 2023

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
When two adults consent to living together for the sake of the child despite what's happened, what's the point in playing EGO games? Will the child not be affected by his parents' drama now when he sees them spitting fire at each other or being passive aggressive? This might be really damaging to him.
Kindly advice your friend and his wife to go through this marriage in a somewhat harmonious fashion 'for the sake of the child' (since it's their decision).

There is nothing that will come out of this display of anger and power on the part of your friend. He is only trying to complain and get his hurt ego massaged and his wife will meekly be quiet knowing that she has caused this situation. How is this helping anyone?

So, if they want to live under one roof for the child's sake, let them do it as mature adults. There has to be a certain code of conduct while they live together as a family. And mind you, this is going to be more than just friendly banter. The boy is 13 and needs his parents more at the cusp of puberty and the parents here are looking out for themselves. If this continues, I would suggest that they think of separation at least till they allow the anger to simmer down. This will also allow the boy to breathe easy.

Go the whole hog; don't keep the foot in two places. It tears the family apart.

All the best to your friend and his family and thank you for caring about them! All the best to you too!

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Question by rani - May 22, 2023

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 23, 2023

MAM PTA NHI KYU MERA INTREST KHTM HO GYA REALTIONSHIP MEIN

Ans: Dear Rani,
Aapne yeh nahin bataaya ki aisa kyon hua hai. Kya koi break-up hua hai?
Agar nahin, toh accha hai na; khud pe dhyaan dena ka waqt mila hai aapko. Toh wohi karna.
Joh cheezein waqt ki kami ke kaaran choot gaya ho, uspe phir se dhayaan dijiye. Jaise ki GYM jaana, ya painting karna ya gardening ka shauk hai toh woh karna.
Isse aapka motivation banai rahega aur saath hi saath fizool ke cheezon mein dhyaan kam hota jaayega. Jab hum khud ke liye kuch karte hain, toh apne aap zindagi khus-haal hoti hai...

Aur phir kuch waqt ke baad, aapko koi accha bhi lagne lage, toh yeh confidence joh aapne khud mein bhar di hai itna kuch apne liye karne ke baad, isse aap sahi faislaa bhi le sakte ho: ki kya yeh relationship mein, mein khush reh sakti hoon ya nahin?

Isiliye yeh joh khaalipan ab hai, isko acche soch aur acche cheezon mein lagaiye...aapka hi bhalaa hoga.

All the best to you!

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I'm 58 now, since he age of 18 I was in love with a neighborhood girl. She was Hindu but I a christian. Her family was comparatively well to do . This prompted me to keep myself from expressing my feelings, I got myself a job and waited to have some financial independence. In the meanwhile she fell in love with someone else and also moved to the US, I was too late in expressing my feelings to her, and I told her under the condition we remain friends. After she moved we kept in touch thro' letters or an occasional phone call in the late 1980's. In the begining of the 1990's both of us got married to different partners , but continued to keep in touch as friends, which both our partners were aware. We used to meet personally whenever she would come to India, which was once in a year or sometimes even 2/3 years. We both have 2 boys each and the boys are now in their 20's. A couple of years ago she got divorced as her partner was in a physical relationship with someone else. In the meanwhile I continued with my wife even though we were totally incompatible and we literally hate each other. We didn't think of divorce coz of social pressures and in my case I've gifted her a major chunk of my immoveable assets but I earn rent on these properties which helps me meet y daily expenses. Over the last 2 years I had 2 heart attacks. the second one brought us both very close as she was concerned about my health, she came down to India and spent a few days motivating me to lead a healthier life, which co incidentally my wife never does, instead blames and nags me on my lifestyle. We have never had a physical relationship, at the most when we meet it's a warm peck on the cheek or just holding hands. Now I am getting back to my teenage years, I'm madly in love with her and want her. I know for sure if I do that my children would disown me and I'll lose a large part of my property which gives me a earning. I want her. I'm right now confused, illogical and very emotional.

Anu Krishna |458 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 23, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 13, 2023

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I do realize that you have had to wait for this long for your love to be recognized and reciprocated as well. But that's the Nature of Time, If something does not yield a result at that moment, even if it fruitions later in time, it may not be very conducive to the people involved as everyone has grown in that particular relationship to form situational bonds. Meaning, you and she have become parents and your wife is still part of this equation.

It's not wrong to feel what you are feeling; but do not compare both the women. If your friend never existed, you would have had a different opinion on your wife altogether. Marriage is about accepting your partner at the core for who he/she is.

Now, let's take your situation and break it down. Suddenly, your friend who was married and because of which you respected boundaries is suddenly no longer in a marriage. So, that has given you an opportunity to think of how your life could have been with her and is tempting you to think of it. I understand that your health conditions would also have urged you to live life to the fullest. But, you are still married and you have a lot of financial tie-ups with your wife. Your friend possibly might not even want what you want. Plus, the children...it's one huge complication...

Should you not live your life? Yes, you must and should BUT do weigh what you might lose for what you want to gain. Are willing to risk it for the sake of love? It's the only logical way to approach this situation.

All the best!

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Question by Vihaan - May 21, 2023

Anu Krishna |458 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 22, 2023

Hi my son is 17 years old, I don't find him going and talking with people someone needs to start the discussion, I am afraid he will become socially disconnected. How do I solve the problem?

Ans: Dear Vihaan,
A few of us love being social butterflies and a few of us love the company of ourselves. I am not about to box anyone as an introvert of extrovert as we can switch from one to the other according to varying situations.

You son maybe one of those people whose social battery drains being around people, He perhaps doesn't need to socialize in order to feel good or happy. And you perhaps worry either because you see his peers being all out there or maybe because you are a very outgoing person.

As long as he is happy and is focused in academics and does not display behaviour that is detrimental to his mind and body, just let him be. There's a lifetime to be in social circles and he will blend in when he feels necessary, And if you must want to help, so that he 'socially connects', you can facilitate visits to places of his interest. No need for anyone to start a discussion for him as that will make him feel socially awkward and he will detest being with people altogether. I understand your concern, but there isn't anything to worry about unless he withdraws completely or isolates himself. It's all good and natural...

All the best!

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Question by santhosh - May 20, 2023

Anu Krishna |458 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 22, 2023

how can a parent mould a child character and also improve IQ level

Ans: Dear Santhosh,
Children between the ages of 0-7 are impressionable and what is said to them or how they absorb things from their environment will form the blueprint of how they think and act in their future.
It is a well-known fact that children emulate their parents/primary caregivers...so, whosoever is raising the child must not just take care of the child's physical needs but also the emotional needs.
In the initial years, the quantity of time is equally important along with quality time. Also, stimulating the child through reading, story-enacting, playing board games and simply words games can enhance comprehension skills. Critical thinking can be enhanced by asking quality questions during problem solving.
Having said this, also do focus on loving and caring in the form of hugs; it aids in their emotional growth as they feel safe and secure.
This sets the child up to grow as a balanced individual who can take charge of himself/herself.

IQ will vary from child to child and unless you see any milestones being skipped, focus more on building the emotional character of the child. EQ (Emotional Quotient) is not just for survival but for thriving. That will be the biggest gift a parent can give their children

Best wishes!

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Question by a - May 18, 2023

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 22, 2023

hi anu you can call me A recently i had a crush on a girl who is 10 yrs younger than me feeling little shy to tell her can u help plz

Ans: Dear a,
If you wish to let her know about how you feel, you need to muster courage to tell her.
You could start with a simple text in case you don't want to tell her in-person. (Hoping she isn't under the age of 18, since you have not mentioned her age or yours).
You could text her about what you like about her and tell her about yourself (since you don't know if she likes you as well).
And also be prepared to get a rejection in return as she might not feel the same as you do. It's a crush and it may or may not lead to anything huge, but you can only make an attempt.

All the best!

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Question by Mira - May 18, 2023

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 22, 2023

Hi..I m Meera..I want to know how to be calm and how not to react in any situation??

Ans: Dear Mira,
From my experiments on myself and working with clients on this, I can for sure suggest the following:
1. Practice the Attitude of Gratitude; be thankful for what you have and what you are blessed with
2. Visualize your day and the day's events; this keeps you on track with room to become anxious
3. Accept changes; understand that change is permanent
4. Practice mindfulness; being in the NOW leaves little room for swinging around the past and future
5. Focus on what you can control; what is outside of control makes your react due to helplessness

These are a few...you may add to these and remember: Rome wasn't built in a day...So, start and keep inspiring yourself to improve...over a period of time, you will notice subtle and amazing changes in a given situation.

All the best!

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