I'm 58 now, since he age of 18 I was in love with a neighborhood girl. She was Hindu but I a christian. Her family was comparatively well to do . This prompted me to keep myself from expressing my feelings, I got myself a job and waited to have some financial independence. In the meanwhile she fell in love with someone else and also moved to the US, I was too late in expressing my feelings to her, and I told her under the condition we remain friends. After she moved we kept in touch thro' letters or an occasional phone call in the late 1980's. In the begining of the 1990's both of us got married to different partners , but continued to keep in touch as friends, which both our partners were aware. We used to meet personally whenever she would come to India, which was once in a year or sometimes even 2/3 years. We both have 2 boys each and the boys are now in their 20's. A couple of years ago she got divorced as her partner was in a physical relationship with someone else. In the meanwhile I continued with my wife even though we were totally incompatible and we literally hate each other. We didn't think of divorce coz of social pressures and in my case I've gifted her a major chunk of my immoveable assets but I earn rent on these properties which helps me meet y daily expenses. Over the last 2 years I had 2 heart attacks. the second one brought us both very close as she was concerned about my health, she came down to India and spent a few days motivating me to lead a healthier life, which co incidentally my wife never does, instead blames and nags me on my lifestyle. We have never had a physical relationship, at the most when we meet it's a warm peck on the cheek or just holding hands. Now I am getting back to my teenage years, I'm madly in love with her and want her. I know for sure if I do that my children would disown me and I'll lose a large part of my property which gives me a earning. I want her. I'm right now confused, illogical and very emotional.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I do realize that you have had to wait for this long for your love to be recognized and reciprocated as well. But that's the Nature of Time, If something does not yield a result at that moment, even if it fruitions later in time, it may not be very conducive to the people involved as everyone has grown in that particular relationship to form situational bonds. Meaning, you and she have become parents and your wife is still part of this equation.
It's not wrong to feel what you are feeling; but do not compare both the women. If your friend never existed, you would have had a different opinion on your wife altogether. Marriage is about accepting your partner at the core for who he/she is.
Now, let's take your situation and break it down. Suddenly, your friend who was married and because of which you respected boundaries is suddenly no longer in a marriage. So, that has given you an opportunity to think of how your life could have been with her and is tempting you to think of it. I understand that your health conditions would also have urged you to live life to the fullest. But, you are still married and you have a lot of financial tie-ups with your wife. Your friend possibly might not even want what you want. Plus, the children...it's one huge complication...
Should you not live your life? Yes, you must and should BUT do weigh what you might lose for what you want to gain. Are willing to risk it for the sake of love? It's the only logical way to approach this situation.
All the best!