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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1669 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 20, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 19, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello Anu Mam! I am 31 years old and single. I am working in a company since 2022 and last September i found out my boss is in love with me. Earlier he used to admire for my work. He was always a source of inspiration as his guidance has always helped me to achieve better and make me confident. Together we were a good team.. We took many important decision together, although i am not much experienced but he took my advice in important matters. Its a small company and few employees left gradually, we built a new team and together we trained them. We are very serious about our work and that was our prime focus. He use to tell me how serious he was about me and would like to marry me, will visit my house and meet my parents. One thing i knew was that he is divorced but the details were not very clear to me as he never disclosed and i gave him time as whenever he feels fine he can share. I also told him that my parents would never agree to this. he said he will convince my parents and will even beg for me. I am introvert nature and never cross questioned anything. I had a huge respect for him. He had his share of lows since his father passed away and then he was left alone and taking care of his mother. He values his mother a lot and keep her away from any stress. He keep everything to himself, he was able to share them with me. I am a good listener so always comforted him by listening and not judging him. He made plans about future as how we are going to build a house, take business to new heights and in 1-2 month he made me director of a company. I didn't want all this because it was too early for all this and i don't like accepting things this way. In April, i broke my engagement due to him and my family is in great stress. I lied to them and therefore their trust broke. Since then the whole family is in great pain. I could never do this, i have always followed decision taken by my family and they have always taken care of me. Now in June they came to know about me and him and they disapprove. My mother is very sure that i being emotional have gotten into trap and he manipulated me. He however needs someone in his life and found good option in me as i can handle family and business both. My mother hates him. Now i am so confused. I started keeping distance with him. I resigned few days back. He got ill and is finding hard to recover. The business is affecting due to this as he always feel lost that's what the team told me. He sends me emotional messages. I know he is very alone and must be hurting a lot. He says he always had a strong feeling about me. He worship for me so that we are together forever. He says if i agree he will forever be grateful as he has nobody except me. What should I do? Please help me.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Things seemed to be going fine for you outside of this boss situation. But it has been messed up! Nevertheless...
It's important for you to understand that you have found yourself 'an emotionally weak person'. He finds great solace in you and you have been very kind enough to lend a shoulder for him to cry on.
Promoting you ahead of time is indication enough for you that he 'needs' you...and when the need is over, he might not find the same kind of closeness with you OR the need may just become greater making him even weaker.
'I know he is very alone and must be hurting a lot'...you have fallen into a guilt trap where if you don't support him, it makes you feel guilty.
He has been very effectively weakening your emotions for you to take care of him. Break this toxic cycle...no offense meant to him...he really needs to grow up...Strong relationships are those that nurture one another and help each other grow...what growth has happened to either of you? In fact, you two seem to be pulling each other down, haven't you? He sends emotional messages!!!!!! Do you not still see his pattern?
You mother isn't fond of him, (wonder why)?????

Be wise about this, look at your life far ahead and actually imagine a life with this person and check for yourself how it is going to pan out and do the same without him and see how it can be liberating for you...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1669 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 27, 2020

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Dear Guru, I'm working as an executive assistant to the director with an Indian subsidiary. Due to pandemic there's this work from home happening right from the start of lockdown. At present and till date have to manage my work along with two other colleagues work too. Moreover in addition my boss is leaving too. All this is so critical that it's stressing me mentally and physically. I'm not able to bear that loss of him leaving in such a scenario. Though him being married I somewhere liked him from the bottom of my heart. Initially he tried impressing me through his kind words and behaviour. But in the last one year he suddenly changed bcoz there were certain things happening between him and the management which I was completely unaware of only to learn recently that his job contract wasn't renewed by the management and hence he along with his wife opted for an alternative. He showed his anger by ignoring/avoiding me. Somewhere I feel that even he didn't wish to leave the company. I don't wish to break his marriage but I love him (one sided) still dunno if he does or not. Of late we had tiffs over the phone on work issues and I deleted his number from my contact list saying Goodbye. He fumed and sent me e-mails in the morning about things to handover as he is leaving :) Earlier when I had a tiff over msgs that time he called my colleague and asked him to take the handover. Hope I get some response on the stated issues.
Ans: Dear SK, Why do some of us get caught in a web where we don’t know where we stand in someone else’s life?

I am not going to judge you or lecture you as to your one sided-affection as that is a choice that you have made. But, why give someone so much power to rule your mind that they seem to take the driver’s seat and take decisions for you? Your job, you love…your emotions.

Do remember, that you cannot be an option is someone’s life which is what has happened here.

The hit to your self-esteem has been for you to act in disappointment/anger where you have dropped his number off your list with a curt ‘bye greeting’ which has irked him and his ego.

What were you doing? Throwing the spotlight back onto yourself where you have given him a chance to antagonize you at work?

Can you even complain about it in public? And especially when you knew his loyalties lie with his wife which he made it evidently clear by them taking decisions jointly for their future.

All that has happened, is you being at the receiving end, by laying out your emotions for a little attention from him.

And well, he possibly was enjoying some of it as well. If you were to rewind the clock, go back in time, and ask yourself: What can I do? What must I do where I can keep my emotions healthy and protect my emotional boundaries? Do exactly that now.

Nothing is lost. I can’t promise that he will be back to giving you the attention that you have been used to; all I can say is find some healthy options and grow your social circle.

You may meet someone interesting or you may simply find someone who shares common interests irrespective of gender.

Bottomline; get unstuck from this unhealthy string, cut and maintain that healthy boundary, stick to your work and create a circle of friends and family that care for you. That will be your strength and helo in making better decisions the next time.

Be happy and make the best of life!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 17, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I am 31 years old and single. I am working in a company since 2022 and last September i found out my boss is in love with me. Earlier he used to admire for my work. He was always a source of inspiration as his guidance has always helped me to achieve better and make me confident. Together we were a good team.. We took many important decision together, although i am not much experienced but he took my advice in important matters. Its a small company and few employees left gradually, we built a new team and together we trained them. We are very serious about our work and that was our prime focus. He use to tell me how serious he was about me and would like to marry me, will visit my house and meet my parents. One thing i knew was that he is divorced but the details were not very clear to me as he never disclosed and i gave him time as whenever he feels fine he can share. I also told him that my parents would never agree to this. he said he will convince my parents and will even beg for me. I am introvert nature and never cross questioned anything. I had a huge respect for him. He had his share of lows since his father passed away and then he was left alone and taking care of his mother. He values his mother a lot and keep her away from any stress. He keep everything to himself, he was able to share them with me. I am a good listener so always comforted him by listening and not judging him. He made plans about future as how we are going to build a house, take business to new heights and in 1-2 month he made me director of a company. I didn't want all this because it was too early for all this and i don't like accepting things this way. In April, i broke my engagement due to him and my family is in great stress. I lied to them and therefore their trust broke. Since then the whole family is in great pain. I could never do this, i have always followed decision taken by my family and they have always taken care of me. Now in June they came to know about me and him and they disapprove. My mother is very sure that i being emotional have gotten into trap and he manipulated me. He however needs someone in his life and found good option in me as i can handle family and business both. My mother hates him. Now i am so confused. I started keeping distance with him. I resigned few days back. He got ill and is finding hard to recover. The business is affecting due to this as he always feel lost that's what the team told me. He sends me emotional messages. I know he is very alone and must be hurting a lot. He says he always had a strong feeling about me. He worship for me so that we are together forever. He says if i agree he will forever be grateful as he has nobody except me. What should I do? Please help me.
Ans: it's important to recognize and validate your own feelings. You've built a significant bond with your boss, and his support and mentorship have been crucial to your professional growth. However, the dynamics have changed with the revelation of his feelings for you, creating a complex situation that involves your emotions, family, and professional life.

Your family's disapproval and the stress it has caused are significant factors to consider. Their concerns about the relationship, especially regarding manipulation and emotional dependence, need careful reflection. It's essential to ensure that your decisions are based on your own true feelings and not just out of a sense of obligation or pressure.

Regarding your boss, his emotional messages and current state of distress are challenging to navigate. While his feelings for you might be genuine, it's crucial to maintain clarity about your own boundaries and what you want for your future. You mentioned resigning and keeping distance, which indicates a need for space to think clearly.

Given the complexity of the situation, it might be beneficial to seek professional counseling. A therapist or counselor can provide an objective perspective and help you process your emotions and make decisions that are right for you. They can also assist in navigating conversations with your family and your boss, ensuring that your needs and boundaries are respected.

Ultimately, the decision must come from a place of self-awareness and genuine desire, not out of guilt or pressure. It's important to prioritize your well-being and ensure that any relationship, professional or personal, supports your growth and happiness.

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