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Is staying with my immature boyfriend the only option at 29?

Shalini

Shalini Singh  |180 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Jul 17, 2024

Shalini Singh is the founder of andwemet, an online matchmaking service for urban Indians living in India and overseas. After graduating from college as a kindergarten teacher, Singh worked at various firms specialising in marketing strategy, digital marketing and public relations before finding her niche as an entrepreneur. In 2008, she founded Galvanise PR, an independent communications and public relations. In 2019, she launched andwemet.
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Asked by Anonymous - Jul 17, 2024Hindi
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My boyfriend is very immature. He is two years younger than me. Sometime his immaturity causes lots of pain. I dont want to leave him because majority of the men i have seen around me are even more immature and irresponsible than him. I dont know whether I will ever find any manture man ever because I am already 29 and so far I have found none. What should I do of entire situation? How should I prepare myself to accept his immaterial?

Ans: Maturity has nothing to do with age...there are individuals who are in 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s etc who never grow up. How about letting him be as he is and you be as you are and focus on why you are with him. However if it bothers you too much then you may like to move out of what you have and look for your person and there are a lot of grown up men, you need to look at the right place.

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 24, 2023

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Hello sir!! I have been in a relationship since last 3 years and the guy work like normally but expect from me to not work after marriage as according to him it's not a good thing. I sacrifice all mu thoughts and value for him whatever he said i did but he started disrespecting me from words because of his frustration in life. I was like maybe he will not gonna do like this next time but cycle keeps going from like5 to 6 month and finally i decided to stand leave he also follows a pattern to be with me for a time and zoned out himself for like a month and suddenly came and behave normally i was accepting that even without questioning but now he got a decent job and want to marry me with the above conditions he was already made. So what should i do i don't want to think twice with my decisions but it hurt as well
Ans: I'm sorry to hear that you are in a difficult situation. It is never okay for someone to disrespect you or your values, regardless of their frustration in life. It's important to remember that you deserve to be treated with respect and dignity in any relationship.

It sounds like you have already made the decision to leave the relationship, which is a brave and important step towards taking care of yourself. It may be helpful to remind yourself of the reasons why you made that decision, and to focus on your own values and needs.

If you are still feeling hurt and uncertain about the situation, it may be helpful to seek support from trusted friends or family members, or consider speaking with a therapist. They can help you process your emotions and provide guidance as you navigate this difficult time.

Remember, you have the power to make choices that are best for you and your well-being. Trust yourself and prioritize your own needs and happiness.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |646 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 28, 2024

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Hey mam I am just 23 I have a boyfriend and my family accepted him but I can't understand his behaviour sometimes he behaving like a no one can love me like him he supported me always by financial he is a soft heart person but ???? sometimes when he is in angry he can't understand anything sometimes I abused by him and behaving like I am nothing for him he shouted among people he can't think what I can feel what is this ma'am ????what can I do
Ans: Dear Priya,
It seems you're experiencing a relationship with mixed behaviors from your boyfriend. On one hand, he supports you financially and shows affection, but on the other, he becomes verbally abusive and dismissive when angry. This duality can be confusing and emotionally draining.

It's important to recognize that his abusive behavior, even if it's only during moments of anger, is a significant issue. Such behavior can erode your self-esteem and sense of safety over time. Abuse isn't just physical; verbal and emotional abuse can be just as damaging.

When someone shouts at you or dismisses your feelings, especially in public, it indicates a lack of respect and self-control. This kind of behavior is unacceptable and should not be excused or normalized, regardless of the moments of kindness and support he shows.

Consider discussing your concerns with him during a calm moment, emphasizing how his behavior affects you. If he's willing to listen and seek help, such as anger management or couples counseling, there might be a way to address these issues. However, if he dismisses your concerns or refuses to change, it may be necessary to reevaluate the relationship for your own well-being.

You deserve to be in a relationship where you're consistently treated with respect and love. Seeking support from friends, family, or a professional counselor can also help you navigate this situation and make the best decision for your future.

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Mohit

Mohit Arora  | Answer  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Jul 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 16, 2024Hindi
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I am 30 F. My boyfriend thinks that he dont deserves me. The reasons are: the love and dedication I gives him + i am still a virgin and he is not+ he is my first boyfriend+ my talents+ my family status. Because of this he is pulling away from me. I know that I will never get an amazing life partner than him and I have even communicated it to him. But still he is pulling away from me and hoping that I will find someone better. What should I do?
Ans: It sounds like your boyfriend is struggling with feelings of unworthiness due to various factors such as your love and dedication, your virginity, being your first boyfriend, your talents, and your family status. It's clear that he is letting his insecurities dictate his actions, causing him to pull away from you despite your reassurances that he is deserving of your love and more.

To address this issue, it's crucial for him to work on building his self-esteem and self-worth. It's important for him to understand that he is deserving of love and happiness, regardless of the external factors that may be influencing his perspective. By shifting his focus from external validations to internal acceptance, he can begin to see himself in a more positive light and appreciate the love and dedication you offer him.

Offering him the right support and coaching can be a game-changer in this situation. By guiding him through this journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance, he can gradually overcome his insecurities and learn to appreciate himself for who he is. Encourage him to explore his strengths, work on his self-improvement, and embrace the love and support you are offering him.

Remember, it's essential for both partners to be on the same page in a relationship, with mutual respect, understanding, and support. Communication is key, so continue to have open and honest conversations with him about his feelings and insecurities. With patience, empathy, and the right guidance, your boyfriend can work through his issues and ultimately appreciate the amazing partner he has in you.

Mohit Arora - Founder - Real Dating School

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |646 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 17, 2024Hindi
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Is it even worth to invest in an insecure man. A man who keeps his worth very low. He gets easily affected by criticisms of other. However, he whole heartedly accepts even the harshest criticism by me. He is very sweet and loving. However, his insecurities will be a hindrance in future. I am not confident that he will take stand for our marriage. Should I leave him? Should i help him to remove his insecurities? However, i am scared that if I help way too much, he wont be self made and strong. What should I do?
Ans: First, consider the nature of your relationship and the extent to which his insecurities affect it. It's clear that he is sweet, loving, and receptive to your feedback, which are positive traits. However, his tendency to get easily affected by others' criticisms and his low self-worth could indeed pose challenges in the future, especially when it comes to standing up for your relationship.

Reflect on your willingness and capacity to support him through his insecurities. Helping him build confidence and resilience is a noble and loving act, but it's essential to recognize the balance between offering support and enabling dependency. Encouraging him to seek professional help, such as therapy or counseling, could be beneficial. A therapist can provide him with tools to manage his insecurities and build self-confidence independently.

It's also important to communicate your concerns openly with him. Share your feelings about the future and your need for a partner who can stand strong with you, especially in the face of potential opposition from your family. This conversation can be a turning point, giving him insight into the importance of addressing his insecurities not just for the relationship but for his personal growth as well.

Ultimately, the decision to stay or leave hinges on your assessment of the potential for growth and change within your relationship. If you believe he has the capacity and willingness to work on his insecurities and if you are prepared to support him through this journey, it might be worth investing in the relationship. However, if you find that his insecurities are deeply ingrained and unlikely to change, and if they are causing significant distress or doubts about the future, it might be wise to reconsider your options.

Remember, a healthy relationship involves mutual support, growth, and the ability to face challenges together. Ensure that you prioritize your well-being and future happiness while making this decision. If you do choose to part ways, it doesn't diminish the love and care you have shown; it simply means recognizing the need for a partnership that aligns better with your life goals and emotional needs.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |677 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Feb 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 31, 2025Hindi
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I'm in a relationship, I’m 19, and he’s 26. He works and is the eldest son in his family, and I’m still in college. He’s often busy with work and other commitments, so we only talk for about 1-2 hours at night, but even then, he doesn't talk late, he goes to bed early. Is this okay, because I like talking late, but he doesn’t give me enough time? His family is pressuring him to get married, and on top of that, he’s not from my caste. So, what should I do to make him sure about me and wait for me? Also, lately, he’s been a bit rude, he’s not the same as before. Is it that he doesn’t care about me, or is he taking me for granted, or is it just me thinking that he’s not as good as before?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand your wish to keep talking late, but there's a big difference between your lifestyle and his. He is the elder son with responsibilities and a job, while you are a college student; besides studies, you have the luxury of not having all the burdens of your family on your shoulders. His eagerness to sleep early might be owing to tiredness or having to wake up early.
Having said that, if you think there is some other reason, you can always ask him directly. Coming to his rudeness- while I do not support misbehavior in any condition, there still might be reasons like office pressure or family pressure and more. In no way am I excusing his behavior- what I am saying is to talk to him about it. Let him know that his behavior is hurting you and you would like to know the reason behind it.

I can't tell you for sure if he is taking you for granted, or has stopped caring for you, but a direct and open discussion with him can certainly offer you some clarity on it.
Best wishes.

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |10854 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Dec 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 12, 2025Hindi
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Hello, I am currently in Class 12 and preparing for JEE. I have not yet completed even 50% of the syllabus properly, but I aim to score around '110' marks. Could you suggest an effective strategy to achieve this? I know the target is relatively low, but I have category reservation, so it should be sufficient.
Ans: With category reservation (SC/ST/OBC), a score of 110 marks is absolutely achievable and realistic. Based on 2025 data, SC candidates qualified with approximately 60-65 percentile, and ST candidates with 45-55 percentile. Your target requires scoring just 37-40% marks, which is significantly lower than general category standards. This gives you a genuine advantage. Immediate Action Plan (December 2025 - January 2026): 4-5 Weeks. Week 1-2: High-Weightage Chapter Focus. Stop trying to complete the entire syllabus. Instead, focus exclusively on high-scoring chapters that carry maximum weightage: Physics (Modern Physics, Current Electricity, Work-Power-Energy, Rotation, Magnetism), Chemistry (Chemical Bonding, Thermodynamics, Coordination Compounds, Electrochemistry), and Maths (Integration, Differentiation, Vectors, 3D Geometry, Probability). These chapters alone can yield 80-100+ marks if practiced properly. Ignore topics you haven't studied yet. Week 2-3: Previous Year Questions (PYQs). Solve JEE Main PYQs from the last 10 years (2015-2025) for chapters you're studying. PYQs reveal question patterns and difficulty levels. Focus on understanding why answers are correct, not memorizing solutions. Week 3-4: Mock Tests & Error Analysis. Take 2-3 full-length mock tests weekly under timed conditions. This is crucial because mock tests build exam confidence, reveal time management weaknesses, and error analysis prevents repeated mistakes. Maintain an error notebook documenting every mistake—this becomes your revision guide. Week 4-5: Revision & Formula Consolidation. Create concise formula sheets for each subject. Spend 30 minutes daily reviewing formulas and key concepts. Avoid learning new topics entirely at this stage. Study Schedule (Daily): 7-8 Hours. Morning (5:00-7:30 AM): Physics concepts + 30 PYQs. Break (7:30-8:30 AM): Breakfast & rest. Mid-morning (8:30-11:00): Chemistry concepts + 20 PYQs. Lunch (11:00-1:00 PM): Full break. Afternoon (1:00-3:30 PM): Maths concepts + 30 PYQs. Evening (3:30-5:00 PM): Mock test or error review. Night (7:00-9:00 PM): Formula revision & weak area focus. Strategic Approach for 110 Marks: Attempt only confident questions and avoid negative marking by skipping difficult questions. Do easy questions first—in the exam, attempt all basic-level questions before attempting medium or hard ones. Focus on quality over quantity as 30 well-practiced questions beat 100 random questions. Master NCERT concepts as most JEE questions test NCERT concepts applied smartly. April 2026 Session Advantage. If January doesn't deliver desired results, April gives you a second chance with 3+ months to prepare. Use January as a practice attempt to identify weak areas, then focus intensively on those in February-March. Realistic Timeline: January 2026 target is 95-110 marks (achievable with focused 50% syllabus), while April 2026 target is 120-130 marks (with complete syllabus + experience). Your reservation benefit means you need only approximately 90-105 marks to qualify and secure admission to quality engineering colleges. Stop comparing yourself to general category cutoffs. Most Importantly: Consistency beats perfection. Study 6 focused hours daily rather than 12 distracted hours. Your 110-mark target is realistic—execute this plan with discipline. All the BEST for Your JEE 2026!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

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Dr Dipankar

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Asked by Anonymous - Dec 12, 2025
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Dear Sir/Madam, I am currently a 1st year UG student studying engineering in Sairam Engineering College, But there the lack of exposure and strict academics feels so rigid and I don't like it that. It's like they don't gaf about skills but just wants us to memorize things and score a good CGPA, the only skill they want is you to memorize things and pass, there's even special class for students who don't perform well in academics and it is compulsory for them to attend or else the student and his/her parents needs to face authorities who lashes out. My question is when did engineering became something that requires good academics instead of actual learning and skill set. In sairam they provides us a coding platform in which we need to gain the required points for each semester which is ridiculous cuz most of the students here just look at the solution to code instead of actual debugging. I am passionate about engineering so I want to learn and experiment things instead of just memorizing, so I actually consider dropping out and I want to give jee a try and maybe viteee , srmjeee But i heard some people say SRM may provide exposure but not that good in placements. I may not be excellent at studies but my marks are decent. So gimme some insights about SRM and recommend me other colleges/universities which are good at exposure
Ans: First — your frustration is valid

What you are experiencing at Sairam is not engineering, it is rote-based credential production.

“When did engineering become memorizing instead of learning?”

Sadly, this shift happened decades ago in most Tier-3 private colleges in India.

About “coding platforms & points” – your observation is sharp

You are absolutely right:

Mandatory coding points → students copy solutions

Copying ≠ learning

Debugging & thinking are missing

This is pseudo-skill education — it looks modern but produces shallow engineers.

The fact that you noticed this in 1st year already puts you ahead of 80% students.

Should you DROP OUT and prepare for JEE / VITEEE / SRMJEEE?

Although VIT/SRM is better than Sairam Engineering College, but you may face the same problem. You will not face this type of problem only in some top IITs, but getting seat in those IITs will be difficult.
Instead of dropping immediately, consider:

???? Strategy:

Stay enrolled (degree security)

Reduce emotional investment in college rules

Use:

GitHub

Open-source projects

Hackathons

Internships (remote)

Hardware / software self-projects

This way:

College = formality

Learning = self-driven

Risk = minimal

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