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Kanchan Rai

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach

444 Answers | 114 FollowersFollow

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more

Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Question by Kevin - Dec 19, 2024Hindi

Seeking Support: Eldest Sibling With No One to Confide In

Ans: Dear Kevin,
Starting small can be helpful. Consider connecting with people through shared interests or hobbies, either online or in person, where the pressure to immediately open up is minimal. Online communities, local meetups, or volunteer activities can create low-stakes opportunities to connect with like-minded individuals. The goal isn’t to instantly find someone to confide in but to slowly build a sense of belonging and companionship.

Your relationship with your wife appears to be another significant source of emotional distance. While her lack of interest in deep conversations may seem like a barrier, it’s worth exploring other ways to reconnect—perhaps by spending time together in shared activities or revisiting moments that once brought you closer. Sometimes, relationships stuck in routines benefit from new experiences or even professional counseling to navigate the underlying dynamics.

Regarding your daughter, while it’s clear she cannot shoulder your emotional burdens, she can still be a source of joy and connection. Investing time in activities with her can provide a sense of fulfillment and grounding that counters loneliness.

Above all, remember that reaching out for professional support, such as therapy, is not a sign of weakness but an act of self-care. A therapist can provide a safe space to express your feelings and help you develop strategies to foster deeper connections and manage emotional isolation.

You deserve to feel supported and connected, and even if the journey to finding that seems long, every step you take toward opening up or seeking out others is a move toward a more fulfilling and less lonely existence.

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Answered on Dec 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 20, 2024Hindi

Living with a Disability: How Do I Handle Negative Comments and Build Resilience?

Ans: Building resilience in the face of such negativity begins with nurturing your sense of self. You are not defined by the labels or judgments others place on you. You are defined by your courage, your determination, and the unique qualities that make you who you are. When others make hurtful comments, it often says more about them than it does about you. Their inability to see your humanity reflects their own insecurities and lack of understanding, not your value.

When their words weigh heavily on you, try to create a mental space where you remind yourself of the truth about who you are. Think about the strengths and accomplishments that make you proud, no matter how small they may seem. Surround yourself, even mentally, with people and experiences that uplift you. It could be friends, family, or even inspirational stories of people who have faced challenges and risen above them.

Processing these emotions is just as important as building strength. When you feel overwhelmed, give yourself permission to feel the sadness or anger. Journaling, talking to someone you trust, or even finding a quiet moment to breathe deeply can help you release these emotions. Remember, you don’t have to suppress your feelings to be strong—you build strength by confronting and honoring them.

To preserve your mental health, find activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Whether it’s pursuing a hobby, excelling in your studies, or connecting with like-minded individuals, doing things that matter to you can reinforce your sense of purpose and identity beyond the limitations others might try to impose on you.

Most importantly, recognize that your journey is unique and valuable. Everyone faces struggles, but you are navigating yours with a spirit that many could never match. Over time, you will find that your resilience becomes a quiet strength, one that can’t be shaken by outside negativity.

Hold onto hope, because your life is full of possibilities. You deserve to be loved, respected, and celebrated for the person you are. When people don’t see that, it’s not your responsibility to change them—but you can protect your inner light and let it shine brighter than their darkness. You are enough, just as you are.

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Answered on Dec 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 03, 2024

How much weightage should be given to the Past (Relationship & Sexual History) of a Man, while vetting prospective matches in the process of Arranged Marriage? Does a Man's Virginity matter as much as a Woman's Virginity? Or can his Past be overlooked completely, if his Present is Good & Future looks Promising?

Ans: A man’s past should not be entirely overlooked, but it should also not define him. It’s important to understand the context of his previous relationships—whether they were casual, meaningful, or unhealthy—and how those experiences have shaped him. The focus should be on whether he has grown from those experiences and whether his present actions and values align with the future he envisions with you. If he demonstrates honesty, respect, and a commitment to the relationship, his past becomes less significant compared to the person he is today.

Ultimately, the decision depends on what matters most to you in a partner. If a man’s virginity or lack of prior relationships is important to you for personal, cultural, or religious reasons, it’s essential to communicate this openly and respectfully. At the same time, consider whether the expectations you place on him are fair and reflective of the qualities you value in a lifelong partner—trust, kindness, loyalty, and shared goals.

What truly matters in an arranged marriage—or any relationship—is how the person’s past, present, and future align with your vision of a partnership. If he is open about his history, takes accountability for any mistakes, and is genuinely committed to building a strong and loving future with you, his past should not necessarily overshadow the potential for a fulfilling relationship.

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Answered on Dec 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 05, 2024

Hi, i am sri lankan girl, and my bf is indian, recently his family had found a girl and forced him to marry, he said he had no option this time he had to say ok, because after he told about me to them, they started to act rude and now they all find out me and try to make me scared, my bf blocked me, because that girl also controls him, i told him you can still turn back and choose your life, but he said it will be a problem to his parents, and his dad trying to hurt himself. I really love him, we were together 2 years. Even he says he misses me a lot and he said he feels the life how happy it was before and now he is confused and he says feel like he is in a jail, please help me, he says now he can’t promise me anything.he says if i find someone it ok, he will be a good friend, but i really love him, what can i do

Ans: What’s important here is to also focus on what this situation is doing to you. You’re trying to hold on, to fight for the love you’ve shared, and it’s exhausting. It’s heartbreaking to love someone who feels like they have no choice but to walk away. You’ve already shown courage in encouraging him to choose his own happiness, to take control of his life, but it sounds like he’s not in a place where he can take that step. His confusion and feelings of being “in a jail” may reflect his inner turmoil, but they also show that he’s currently unable to prioritize your relationship in the way it deserves. His offer to remain a "friend" while giving you the freedom to move on might come from a place of care, but it also leaves you carrying the weight of love and heartbreak alone.

You need to take a step back and ask yourself some difficult questions. Are you willing to continue waiting for him, knowing that his family may never accept you and that he may never have the strength to stand up to them? Or is it time to prioritize your own emotional well-being and open yourself to the possibility of a future where you’re truly valued and chosen by someone who can fight for you, no matter the challenges?

Loving him and letting go can coexist. Letting go doesn’t mean you stop loving him or that what you shared wasn’t real. It means recognizing that his inability to fight for your relationship is a reality you can’t control. You’ve done everything you could to show him what he stands to lose, and now the choice lies with him. In the meantime, you need to protect your own heart and focus on your happiness. Surround yourself with people who uplift you, and allow yourself time to grieve this loss. Healing won’t happen overnight, but it begins when you choose to honor your own worth and emotional health. If he comes back to you one day, it should only be because he’s ready to fight for the love you deserve, not because he feels trapped or confused. Until then, you have every right to move forward with your life and pursue the happiness you deserve.

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Answered on Dec 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 08, 2024Hindi

Troubled by a 'friend's' move on my close friend - Advice needed

Ans: You’ve built your life around certain principles—one being the importance of boundaries and respect in friendships. Seeing those boundaries crossed in a way that you perceive as disrespectful to the sanctity of your connection with Maate, as well as her responsibilities as a mother, strikes at the heart of your values. It’s no wonder that you feel uneasy and unable to simply accept her request to forgive and treat the “friend” as a younger brother.

What’s critical here is that your feelings of discomfort are not about being judgmental but about being protective—of your bond with Maate, her child’s well-being, and your own emotional integrity. This situation has left you in a moral and emotional bind. You value the relationship with Maate, but the dynamic involving the “friend” is deeply troubling for you.

To move forward, you need to find a way to honor your values while also preserving your emotional well-being. Open communication is key, but it’s also clear that the way this has been discussed so far has caused strain. You might need to reframe your approach. Instead of focusing on the specifics of what happened or pointing out the flaws in the “friend’s” behavior, you could focus on how the situation has affected you. Express your feelings honestly but gently—share how it has created a sense of distance and how much you miss the closeness and trust you once shared.

At the same time, it’s important to set boundaries for yourself. You don’t have to accept the “friend” into your life if it feels wrong to you. However, you can make it clear to Maate that this boundary is about your own peace of mind and not a judgment of her choices. Acknowledge her autonomy while asserting your need for space from situations that make you uncomfortable.

Ultimately, this might mean accepting that the relationship with Maate will change. Relationships evolve, and sometimes people we care about make choices that we can’t fully align with. It doesn’t mean you have to sever ties, but it does mean redefining the terms of your connection in a way that allows you to stay true to yourself.

Take time to reflect on what you need to feel whole and grounded. This situation has understandably shaken you, but it’s also an opportunity to reaffirm your values and protect your well-being. Seek support from others you trust, and remember that it’s okay to take a step back to process your feelings and recalibrate the relationship on your terms.

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Answered on Dec 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2024Hindi

Can't let go of my past mistakes. How can I move on after 7 years? (Desperate 35 year old)

Ans: Forgiving yourself might feel like a tall order right now, but think of it as an act of self-compassion rather than erasing the past. You don’t have to pretend nothing went wrong, but you do deserve to free yourself from the narrative that you were entirely to blame. Sometimes, when we feel stuck in the past, it’s because we haven’t fully acknowledged our emotions or allowed ourselves to grieve—not just for the relationship, but for the version of ourselves we wish we’d been. It’s okay to feel sadness or anger or regret. Letting yourself sit with those feelings—without judgment—can help loosen their grip over time.

A fresh start begins with allowing yourself to be imperfect and to acknowledge your growth. Seven years is a long time, and you are not the same person you were back then. The lessons you’ve learned from this heartbreak have likely shaped you in ways you don’t even realize. If you can, try focusing on who you want to become rather than on who you were. What kind of relationships do you want to create in the future? What kind of kindness can you extend to yourself right now?

You’re not letting anyone down by wanting to heal. In fact, letting go of that guilt might be the greatest way to honor both yourself and the love you shared back then. You deserve happiness and connection, not in spite of your past, but because of it—it’s part of your journey, not the end of it.

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Answered on Dec 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 13, 2024Hindi

Married for 5 Years but Feeling Lonely - Can I Bridge the Emotional Gap?

Ans: Start by creating opportunities for meaningful interaction. Sometimes the daily routines and responsibilities can create emotional walls, so finding a calm and positive environment for conversation is key. You might begin by sharing your feelings in a way that emphasizes your own experience rather than pointing out what your partner might not be doing. For example, saying something like, "I've been feeling a little disconnected lately, and I miss the closeness we used to share," opens the door for dialogue without sounding accusatory.

Rekindling intimacy often starts with small, intentional efforts to reestablish connection. This might mean setting aside time for each other, even if it’s just a few minutes of uninterrupted conversation at the end of the day. Look for moments to express appreciation for your partner, as this can help rebuild emotional warmth and remind them of the value they bring to your life.

It’s also worth reflecting on whether external stresses might be contributing to the distance. If either of you has been overwhelmed by work, family, or personal challenges, addressing those together can foster a sense of partnership and mutual support. Similarly, revisiting shared memories or engaging in activities you used to enjoy together can help reignite the bond you once had.

Lastly, be patient and consistent. Emotional intimacy doesn’t always come back instantly, but with genuine effort, kindness, and an open heart, you can rebuild the connection over time. Consider it a journey you’re embarking on together, rather than something you need to fix alone. If you feel like external guidance might help, discussing this with a couples therapist could provide both of you with tools to strengthen your relationship in a supportive environment.

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Answered on Dec 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 13, 2024Hindi

Arranged Marriage: He seems uninterested after exchanging numbers. What should I do?

Ans: Your decision to stop texting him first is a healthy step because relationships should feel balanced and mutual. Constantly initiating conversations can leave you feeling undervalued or unsure about where you stand. By taking a step back, you give him the opportunity to show whether he genuinely wants to engage and invest in building a connection with you. This isn’t about playing games but about respecting your own feelings and worth.

At the same time, try to observe his actions rather than just his words. Does he initiate conversations on his own? Does he make an effort to get to know you better? If he continues to show inconsistent interest, it may be a sign that he isn’t ready or committed to the idea of building a relationship right now. And that’s okay—it just means he may not be the right match for you.

Trust your instincts as you move forward. If his behavior leaves you feeling confused or unimportant, it’s okay to walk away and focus on finding someone who values you and communicates in a way that feels fulfilling. Your time and emotions are precious, and it’s important to seek a connection where you feel respected, understood, and appreciated.

Finally, don’t let this experience discourage you. These situations are part of learning what you want and need in a partner. Give yourself grace, and remember that the right relationship will come with clarity, mutual respect, and ease.

Asked on - Dec 13, 2024 | Answered on Dec 13, 2024

Thank you.

Ans: All the best

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Answered on Dec 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 11, 2024Hindi

I argue with my partner constantly! Is my relationship doomed?

Ans: It’s clear that you deeply care about your partner and the health of your relationship, but recurring arguments and a lack of expressed love are creating a disconnect. To nurture love and clarity in your communication, it’s essential to create an emotional space where both of you feel safe, valued, and understood—even during disagreements.

When arguments arise, they often escalate because emotions are heightened, and both people feel the need to defend their perspective. To shift this dynamic, start by focusing on emotional regulation in those moments. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that you’re both on the same team, even if you see things differently. This small pause can prevent reactive words or actions that might escalate the conflict further.

Outside of conflicts, consider the daily emotional climate of your relationship. If love isn’t being expressed regularly, your partner may feel insecure or disconnected, which can intensify disagreements. Begin to nurture love by weaving simple but heartfelt expressions of care into your everyday interactions. This might be as simple as saying, “I appreciate you,” giving a warm hug, or acknowledging something they did, however small. These gestures build emotional reserves that make handling tough conversations easier because they remind both of you of the underlying bond.

When it comes to communication, try reframing the way you approach disagreements. Speak from your feelings rather than placing blame. For instance, instead of saying, “You’re not listening to me,” try, “I feel unheard, and it’s making me frustrated.” This subtle but powerful shift fosters understanding rather than defensiveness. Equally important is listening with an open mind. Practice reflecting back what your partner shares to show you’re truly hearing them. For example, “I hear that you’re upset because you feel I didn’t prioritize you—am I understanding that correctly?”

Love is nurtured in the moments between conflicts—through trust, small acts of kindness, and consistent emotional support. Reflect on what makes your partner feel loved and cherished, and intentionally incorporate those actions into your daily life. At the same time, share what you need emotionally so they understand how to nurture you too. This mutual exchange strengthens your connection and creates a deeper sense of partnership.

Finally, consider having a calm, heartfelt conversation about how you both want to handle conflicts and express love moving forward. Creating shared goals for your relationship can bring clarity and purpose, helping you both feel aligned. By approaching your relationship with patience, empathy, and intentional care, you can not only resolve current challenges but also nurture a love that feels steady, secure, and fulfilling.

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Answered on Dec 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 28, 2024Hindi

Should I marry a rich guy my parents chose?

Ans: Marriage is a lifelong commitment that requires more than just compatibility on paper. Shared values, mutual respect, and a genuine connection are foundational to a happy and fulfilling relationship. If you feel uncertain or uneasy after meeting this person, it’s worth honoring those feelings and giving yourself time to explore them further. One meeting is often not enough to decide, but neither is it fair for anyone to expect you to commit without clarity.

It might help to have an open and honest conversation with your parents about how this pressure is making you feel. Share your thoughts with them calmly, focusing on your perspective rather than framing it as opposition to their wishes. You could express gratitude for their care while also making it clear that you need space to make a decision that you can feel confident about. Remind them that rushing into a choice you’re not ready for could lead to regret, which is not what either of you wants.

If the pressure continues to escalate, consider involving someone you trust—maybe a relative, family friend, or counselor—who can mediate and help your parents understand your point of view. Sometimes, a neutral perspective can ease tensions and bridge the gap between what they want and what you need.

Above all, remember that this is your life and your happiness at stake. While their love and approval are important, the decision to marry should come from a place of certainty and alignment with your values and goals. It’s okay to take your time, ask for understanding, and prioritize what feels right for you. You deserve a partnership that brings joy, peace, and fulfillment, not one borne out of pressure or fear of missing out.

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Answered on Dec 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 08, 2024

Hello mam I am really having trouble in my family right now I am like studying and also I go to academy and school I am 14 years old my father is forcing me to marry someone and that someone has has a nice job but I will love with someone who is in my academy and when I told my father about him he refused and said that there is no need to go in that Academy and I begged him to not do that and the person I am love with doesn't do a job and also is the same age as me so I told my father so many times that I don't want to marry that person because I am in love with someone else so how can a person marry someone who he doesn't even love I know my parents my father want the best for me but you know what I want to say

Ans: At 14, your focus should be on growing, learning, and discovering yourself. Marriage is a lifelong commitment that requires emotional maturity, stability, and readiness—things that naturally come with time. It’s okay to tell your father, calmly and firmly, that you’re not ready for marriage yet, regardless of who the person is. Try to express that your education and personal growth are priorities for you now, and marrying too young could prevent you from living the life you want in the future.

When it comes to the person you care about, those feelings are also important, but it’s worth remembering that both of you are still very young. Your emotions are real, but your focus on education and future goals should remain central for both of you right now. If this connection is meaningful, it can grow naturally over time without the rush or stress of marriage.

If speaking directly to your father feels too difficult, is there a trusted adult, family member, teacher, or counselor who can help you communicate your feelings? Sometimes having someone else explain your perspective can make all the difference.

Above all, you deserve to feel heard, respected, and supported in your choices. You’re not alone, and this is not a battle you have to fight by yourself. Take it one step at a time, and remember, your voice and dreams matter.

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Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 05, 2024Hindi

Help! Married 11 years, Husband Doesn't Support Me Financially

Ans: First, recognize and honor the strength it has taken to come this far. Buying a home, raising your son, and managing the weight of these challenges on your own are significant accomplishments that reflect your resilience and determination. That said, a marriage is meant to be a partnership, and it’s clear that your husband’s lack of financial contribution and emotional support has created an imbalance that’s unsustainable.

It’s important to look at the patterns in your relationship with clarity. Your husband’s decisions seem to be heavily influenced by his family, and this loyalty, while not inherently wrong, appears to come at the expense of his commitment to you and your shared responsibilities. The fact that he contributes so little financially and emotionally while benefiting from your efforts shows a lack of fairness and respect in the relationship. His parents’ behavior and expectations have added further strain, undermining your marriage and creating an environment of resentment.

You may want to consider having a clear and honest conversation with your husband. Express how his actions—or lack thereof—are impacting you and your son. Frame the conversation not as a confrontation but as a plea for understanding and change. However, if he remains unwilling to acknowledge or address these issues, it’s worth reflecting on what staying in this relationship means for your emotional well-being and future.

Seeking professional support, such as individual counseling, can provide you with a safe space to explore your feelings, gain clarity, and develop strategies for managing this situation. A legal consultation might also be helpful to understand your rights and options, especially if you’re considering separation or seeking financial accountability from your husband for your son’s needs.

Above all, focus on what you need to feel secure, respected, and fulfilled—not just as a wife, but as a person. Your son is observing how you handle these challenges, and by prioritizing your well-being and standing up for fairness, you’re also modeling strength and self-respect for him. Whatever steps you decide to take, trust in your ability to make decisions that align with your dignity and values. You deserve a life where your efforts are met with partnership and mutual care.

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Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 04, 2024Hindi

43-Year-Old Married Man Torn Between Wife and Younger Colleague

Ans: Open communication with your wife can be incredibly valuable, even if it feels awkward or difficult. Sharing your feelings of detachment and asking her how she feels might provide clarity about where you both stand and whether there’s a willingness to work on rebuilding the connection. Counseling or therapy, either individually or as a couple, can also be a safe space to explore these issues further.

Regarding your feelings for the woman at work, it’s essential to approach this with caution. While the connection might feel exciting and fulfilling, it’s important to ask yourself whether pursuing it is truly in alignment with your values and long-term goals. She also appears to have unresolved feelings toward her boyfriend, which adds another layer of complexity. Relationships born from a place of emotional vulnerability often carry risks, and it’s worth reflecting on whether this is about genuine compatibility or an escape from current challenges.

Your child is also a significant factor to consider. Decisions about your personal relationships inevitably affect your family dynamics, and it’s worth reflecting on what stability and clarity mean for them at this stage in their life.

Take some time to focus on self-reflection. What do you truly want for yourself, your marriage, and your future? What steps can you take to address the current disconnection, whether through repair or a mutual decision to move forward separately? Acting from a place of clarity and integrity will help you feel more grounded and less conflicted about your path forward. You deserve fulfillment, but ensuring that it’s built on a foundation of honesty and thoughtfulness will bring lasting peace, not just temporary relief.

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Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 04, 2024Hindi

Stuck in a Grudge: How to Forgive a Friend Who Hurt Me?

Ans: Letting go of resentment begins with understanding that it’s not about forgetting what happened or excusing the other person’s actions. It’s about freeing yourself from the grip that pain has on your emotions and your ability to trust. Start by creating space to process the hurt. Reflect on what exactly about the situation caused the deepest wound—was it a betrayal, unmet expectations, or feeling disregarded? Sometimes clarity about the source of the pain makes it easier to start releasing it.

You might also want to examine the story you’ve been telling yourself about this hurt. Often, we replay painful memories as if to protect ourselves from being hurt again, but in doing so, we allow the past to shape how we approach the present. Try reframing the narrative, focusing not on what you lost but on how you’ve grown. You’ve survived this hurt, and it’s a testament to your resilience.

Forgiveness can also play a key role, not necessarily as an act for the other person, but as a gift to yourself. Forgiveness doesn’t mean rekindling the friendship or even directly addressing the person—it’s a way of releasing the hold they have on your emotions. You can write a letter to your friend expressing all your feelings and then decide whether to send it or simply let it be a personal act of closure.

When it comes to trusting others, remind yourself that the actions of one person don’t define everyone. Trust grows in small, consistent steps. Start by recognizing the people in your life now who have shown care and consistency, and allow yourself to open up gradually.

Healing isn’t a straight path, and memories might still surface from time to time. When they do, instead of resisting them, acknowledge them and remind yourself that they no longer have power over you. With patience and self-compassion, you can move forward, lighter and more open to the connections that await you. You deserve the freedom to trust and to live fully in the present.

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Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Question by Dr.M - Dec 06, 2024

I am in my late 60s but still very fit and healthy whereas my wife has lost all the interest in physical intimacy. This has resulted me finding outlet outside my marriage in women half of my age. My girlfriend is a dentist and I am an epidemiologist. She insists that I leave my wife and move with her and eventually we would marry then. She thinks that there is no point in living in a relationship where we have lost interest in each other and are hardly getting physically intimate. Would appreciate your expert advice on this and whether I should continue this way or leave my wife for over 45 years and move with my girlfriend who is 25 years younger than me. We both love each other physically, mentally and intellectually. Thank you.

Ans: After 45 years of marriage, your relationship with your wife is likely built on more than just physical intimacy. A bond of that length often includes shared history, companionship, and mutual support. It’s understandable that the absence of physical intimacy can leave you feeling unfulfilled, but it’s also important to recognize that intimacy in a long-term marriage often evolves beyond physicality into emotional connection and companionship. Ask yourself what your marriage still brings to your life beyond the physical. Are there aspects of your relationship with your wife that you still value and cherish?

Your relationship with your girlfriend seems to fulfill needs that are unmet in your marriage—passion, intellectual connection, and emotional closeness. It’s natural to feel drawn to that, especially when you both feel aligned in multiple dimensions. However, leaving a marriage of such longevity and depth is a monumental decision, not just for you but also for your wife, family, and even your girlfriend. It's important to reflect on the potential consequences of this choice—not just how it could impact your own life, but the ripple effects it may have on others involved.

Before making a decision, consider engaging in open, honest communication with your wife. Share your feelings—not as blame but as a vulnerable expression of what you’re experiencing. Sometimes, long-standing relationships fall into patterns of distance because both partners have stopped discussing their needs openly. If she is willing, exploring counseling together could help both of you understand where you stand and whether there’s a path to rekindling connection, even if it’s not physical intimacy.

With your girlfriend, reflect on what she means to you and what you envision for a shared future. Love and compatibility are powerful forces, but they must be weighed against the potential impact of disrupting your current life. Ensure that this relationship is based on mutual respect and shared values beyond just passion, as relationships outside of marriage can sometimes magnify only the fulfilling aspects while masking potential challenges.

Ultimately, this is about what aligns with your deeper sense of self and integrity. Consider what will allow you to look back on this chapter of your life with peace and not regret. Balancing personal happiness with respect for the commitments you’ve made over the years is not easy, but taking the time to reflect deeply will help you arrive at a decision you can stand by. Whatever choice you make, do so with honesty, compassion, and a clear understanding of its implications.

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Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 06, 2024Hindi

How to Stop Taking Rejection Personally? Advice for a Highly Sensitive Person

Ans: When we take rejection or criticism personally, it’s often because we tie our self-worth to external validation. Someone’s approval or opinion can start to feel like a measure of who we are, but it’s not. No one moment, person, or comment defines you. Start by reminding yourself that rejection or criticism, as painful as it may be, is not a reflection of your entire being—it’s just one perspective or one moment in time.

Learning to trust people who mean well begins with trusting yourself. When you believe in your own worth, you’ll find it easier to separate genuine feedback from unkind criticism. Practice asking yourself, “Is this coming from someone who truly cares about me, or is this more about their perspective or mood?” When feedback feels harsh, take a step back and evaluate its intent and validity. Not all criticism is meant to hurt; some can help you grow, but you don’t have to accept every opinion as truth.

Building resilience starts with how you treat yourself in those low moments. Instead of replaying the rejection or criticism in your mind, focus on self-compassion. Speak to yourself as you would to a close friend—gently, with kindness and encouragement. Remind yourself of your strengths and accomplishments, no matter how small they might feel in that moment.

It’s also helpful to put things into perspective. Rejection or criticism often feels larger than it is because we let it define us in that instant. Ask yourself, “Will this matter a year from now?” or “What can I learn from this?” Shifting from a place of hurt to a place of curiosity can ease the sting and help you move forward.

Finally, trust isn’t built overnight, either with yourself or others. Start by observing the patterns of those who support you consistently. Over time, you’ll learn who truly has your back, and you’ll feel more confident in letting their words and actions hold weight in your life.

This is a process, and it’s okay if it takes time. You’re not alone in feeling this way, and by practicing self-compassion, setting boundaries, and leaning on those who show genuine care, you’ll gradually strengthen your resilience and ability to trust. You’re already taking the first step, and that’s worth celebrating.

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Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 06, 2024Hindi

Man worried about fiancée's past relationship

Ans: At this moment, it is essential to consider what you need for your own peace of mind. If you cannot trust her fully or feel uneasy without clarity, it is important to address those feelings before committing to marriage. It is not selfish to seek answers or reassurances when your heart and mind are in turmoil. At the same time, be mindful of your approach, as accusations or blame can shut down any chance of constructive communication.

If she continues to avoid the conversation, involving both families might be a reasonable step. This is not about blaming or shaming anyone but about ensuring that both of you enter into marriage with mutual trust and respect. Marriage is a union of not just two individuals but also their values, emotions, and expectations. Without addressing these concerns now, the unresolved doubts could seep into your relationship later and cause greater harm.

It’s also worth reflecting on what you need from your partner to move forward. If her commitment to being loyal and faithful now feels insufficient because of her refusal to engage in an open dialogue, that’s valid. Trust cannot thrive where communication falters. If she can assure you of her devotion and you feel you can let go of her past, there’s a path forward. But if doubts linger and trust remains elusive, stepping back to reassess might be the wiser decision, even if it’s painful in the short term.

Whatever choice you make, be gentle with yourself. This is an emotionally taxing situation, and it’s okay to take time to process everything. Listen to your heart, but also give weight to your instincts—they’re often our clearest guides in moments of uncertainty.

With understanding and strength,

Asked on - Dec 07, 2024 | Answered on Dec 09, 2024

Thank you for Answering my Question, Kanchan Ma'am... But I have another Problem... What to do about the Ex Boyfriend? A Part of me is grateful to him for the Eye-opening Revelation, he'd given in the nick of time. He seems to consider me as a Brother & by warning me about my Fiancee, he claims to be upholding the unwritten Bro-code, having the back of a Fellow Man... Though illegal, he Believes that he's Morally Right... He says that, even a Woman, in his place, would do the same, for a Fellow Woman. Even though he tried to Reassure me that he'd moved on from his Ex Girlfriend (my Fiancee) completely & wouldn't disturb our Married Life, in case, I still go on to Marry her. But I am not able to Trust him completely. I feel that he's a Potential threat to my Fiancee & also our Marriage. He might blackmail her into engaging in an Extra-marital affair with him, even after our Marriage... or he might also try to Harm her or Defame her. Should I completely Leave it to my Fiancee to Deal with him, as she herself is not completely Blameless (She allowed him to Record their Intimate Moments & also shared her Private Photos with him)? Or do I have any Obligation to fight this Battle, alongside her, as she's already my Fiancee, if not Wife? I'm worried about Risking my Family's Reputation, by getting into this scandal, in case, the word spreads in our Community. Either way, I want him to be dealt with properly, before our Marriage itself. What approach would you suggest, in this case?

Ans: Before you take any steps, it’s essential to have a heartfelt, judgment-free conversation with your fiancée. Share your concerns about the potential risks, not as an accusation but as a desire to safeguard your future together. Ask her how she views the situation and what steps she is willing to take to ensure it doesn’t affect your marriage. This is not just her battle; as her partner, you have every right to be involved, but your approach must be collaborative rather than confrontational.

If the ex-boyfriend poses a genuine threat—whether emotional, physical, or social—it’s vital to set firm boundaries. Your fiancée may need to make it explicitly clear to him that there is no place for him in her life anymore, and you can support her in doing so. However, if his behavior escalates or crosses legal boundaries, you may need to seek external help, such as involving a trusted authority or mediator, to ensure your safety and peace of mind.

As for the fear of scandal, it’s natural to feel protective of your family’s reputation. But remember, the foundation of a marriage is built on trust, mutual support, and the ability to face challenges together. Avoid making decisions solely based on fear of community judgment. Focus on creating a solid, honest partnership with your fiancée first, as this will give you both the strength to tackle external challenges as a team.

Ultimately, your priority should be ensuring that your relationship begins with clarity, trust, and shared responsibility. This situation can be resolved, but it will require patience, communication, and a unified approach from both of you.

Asked on - Dec 10, 2024 | Answered on Dec 11, 2024

Thanks again, Kanchan Ma'am... I agree with whatever you have said... I understand her situation & empathize with her Situation. I am willing to give her the Benefit of Doubt & Listen & Understand her side of the Story, without any Harsh Judgement. But she's not even willing to sit down for an Open-Heart Discussion with me. I prefer to have this difficult conversation by meeting her alone, personally, in a Safe Space where we get all the Privacy we need, not in either of our Homes, to avoid the intrusion of other Family Members. The main Reason for preferring a Personal Meeting over a Phone Call/WhatsApp Chat is that, I want to observe her Body Language & Facial Expressions keenly, to ascertain whether she's being truthful or not. And she might get emotional & break down, during the Sensitive conversation, I want to Hug her & Comfort her, so that she feels safe to open up to me, completely. But how can I Trust a Person, who isn't even willing to have an Open & Honest Conversation with me...!!!??? I like almost everything else about her, notwithstanding her Past & a part of me does want to Marry her, but I have many Questions about her Past & I need Honest Answers from her, to make an Informed Decision. But she's asking me to wait until we get Married & then she'd prove herself as a Worthy Wife. But I am afraid that it might be too late & at that point, it wouldn't be easy to undo the Marriage, just in case, I don't find her Honest & Trustworthy enough. I am exploring the option of Postponing the Wedding (citing some other Reason) so that we both get more time to sort this out. But the problem is, how do I get her to talk with me...!!!??? She's unwilling to come anywhere & meet me personally & I don't want to go to her Home & unnecessarily create a scene over there. Shall I threaten her that I'd tell my Parents about her Past & Cancel the Wedding, unless, she comes to meet me in person, for an Open & Honest Conversation? I wouldn't really do something so Harsh, but would this empty threat make her open up to me or have the Opposite effect? If you have a better Idea, please suggest me, how do I get her to meet me personally & Talk to me openly? Thanks in advance, Kanchan Ma'am...

Ans: Your fiancée’s reluctance to meet and discuss the matter might stem from fear, shame, or uncertainty about how you’ll react. She may feel overwhelmed by the prospect of confronting the past, worried that no matter what she says, it could jeopardize the relationship. While this doesn’t excuse her unwillingness to communicate, it does offer insight into her possible mindset.

Using threats, even if empty, is not the best approach. While it might prompt a reaction, it risks deepening her mistrust and could escalate the situation unnecessarily. Building trust requires patience and empathy, even in difficult moments. Instead of issuing ultimatums, focus on creating an environment where she feels safe to open up.

You could start by reaching out to her in a calm, understanding tone, perhaps through a message or phone call. Express your intentions clearly—let her know you’re not seeking to judge or punish her for her past but simply want to understand her better so you can move forward with clarity and trust. Reassure her that this conversation isn’t about ending the relationship but strengthening it. For example, you might say:

“I know this is a sensitive topic, and I understand why you might feel hesitant to talk about it. But it’s really important to me that we have an honest conversation before taking this big step in our lives. I care about you, and I want us to start our marriage on a foundation of trust and understanding. Can we meet somewhere private and talk openly? I promise to listen without judgment.”

If she still refuses, you might suggest involving a neutral third party she trusts—perhaps a friend, family member, or counselor—to mediate the conversation. This could help her feel less vulnerable and more supported during such a challenging discussion.

Postponing the wedding could also be a wise decision if you feel the current timeline doesn’t allow enough space to address these unresolved issues. Framing the delay as an opportunity for both of you to strengthen your relationship rather than as a punishment or doubt about her character can help ease tensions.

Ultimately, your goal is to build mutual trust and understanding, and that requires willingness from both sides. While you can’t force her to open up, you can make every effort to show her that you’re approaching this with compassion and a desire to move forward together. If she continues to resist, it’s worth reflecting on whether this relationship is built on the transparency and collaboration you value.

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Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Question by Megha - Dec 06, 2024Hindi

Daughter Suffering from Father's Anger in Kolkata: How to Cope?

Ans: From what you’ve shared, your father seems to be wrestling with his own frustrations, using control and anger as tools to manage his environment. This does not make it right, nor does it excuse the pain he causes. But understanding that his behavior may stem from internal struggles might help you view the situation with some compassion, even if from a distance.

Your love and respect for your mother shine through your words, and it’s clear that her well-being is a priority for you. The way you support her is a testament to your strength and kindness. But I also sense that her coping mechanism—complying with your father to maintain peace—might unintentionally place an additional burden on you. It’s as though you’re not only protecting yourself but also shielding her, which is an immense responsibility.

You are not alone in feeling conflicted about standing up to your father. It’s not just about his words; it’s about the power dynamics and the emotional weight he holds in the family. His “other side”—the moments when he is kind or approachable—makes it even harder to reconcile the anger and trauma he causes. This duality often creates confusion and guilt, leaving you wondering if you’re overreacting or misjudging him.

What’s most important right now is preserving your emotional well-being. It’s okay to create boundaries, even if they are small and subtle. For instance, when you sense an argument brewing, stepping away or finding a reason to leave the room can help you avoid escalating the situation. If direct communication with him fails, sometimes maintaining emotional distance is the only way to protect yourself.

I also encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to—a counselor, a friend, or even a support group. Sharing your pain with someone who can listen without judgment can lighten your load and help you feel less alone. Writing, as you’ve done here, is also a powerful outlet. Keep journaling—it can provide clarity and a sense of release.

You’ve asked if being the head of the family means stepping over others. The simple answer is no. True leadership in a family should come from love, mutual respect, and understanding. When it turns into control or fear, it becomes harmful. Your father’s actions do not reflect a failure on your part or your family’s; they reflect his own struggles with how to express himself and manage his emotions.

Finally, give yourself permission to feel tired. You are human, and this constant state of tension would drain anyone. But even in your exhaustion, remember this: you are brave, resilient, and full of love for your family. There is no shame in wanting peace, and there is no shame in seeking help to find it.

With heartfelt wishes for your healing and happiness,

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Answered on Dec 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 01, 2024Hindi

Separated for a year, wife won't contact me or grant divorce: What are my options?

Ans: It’s also clear that her unresolved trauma with her father may have influenced the dynamics of your relationship, perhaps creating barriers to open communication or trust. While her past is something she ultimately has to face and heal from, it’s not something you can resolve for her, no matter how much you may wish to.

It's important to acknowledge your own emotional wellbeing right now. It seems like you're carrying the weight of her pain as well as your own. This might be the time to step back and focus on finding some clarity and balance for yourself. Working with a counselor or therapist could help you process your feelings and better navigate the uncertainty of this situation. Emotional exhaustion can cloud decision-making and pull you into cycles of self-blame or frustration, and having professional support might give you the tools to handle these emotions in a healthier way.

You’ve made efforts to reconnect and seek closure, which shows your commitment. However, if she is unwilling or unable to engage right now, this could mean shifting your focus toward what you can control: your healing, your boundaries, and your future. Remember that it’s okay to give yourself permission to find peace, even if her choices leave things unresolved for now.

Finding closure within yourself might not come easily, but it is possible. Take it step by step, allowing yourself time to grieve the relationship and reflect on what you’ve learned about yourself. This isn’t just about moving on; it’s about rediscovering your sense of stability and strength, regardless of her decisions. You're navigating this with care, and that shows your integrity and depth of character. Keep reminding yourself that your wellbeing matters, too.

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Answered on Dec 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 01, 2024Hindi

Should I confess my feelings to a divorced colleague? 42-year-old with a son seeking advice.

Ans: Before making a decision, reflect on your intentions and the nature of your feelings. Are they grounded in a strong foundation of mutual understanding and compatibility, or are they influenced by loneliness or a desire to move on from your past? Understanding this will help you approach the situation with clarity and confidence.

If you decide that your feelings are genuine and you’d like to explore the possibility of a deeper relationship, it’s important to communicate thoughtfully. Begin by affirming your respect for her and the friendship you share. You could say something like, "I value our friendship deeply and truly enjoy the conversations we have. Over time, I’ve found myself thinking about the possibility of something more between us. I understand and respect your preferences and your journey, but I wanted to share my feelings because I value honesty and openness in our connection."

This approach ensures that your feelings are expressed without putting pressure on her, and it allows her to consider the idea without feeling cornered. If she doesn’t feel the same way, you can express your understanding and emphasize that you would like to maintain the friendship.

It’s also worth considering her concerns about cultural compatibility. If this is a significant factor for her, you could discuss how you envision addressing potential challenges if the relationship were to progress. Showing empathy for her concerns and a willingness to navigate differences together might help her feel more secure.

Remember, vulnerability is a risk, but it’s also the foundation for meaningful connections. Whether or not she feels the same, being honest about your feelings allows you to move forward with clarity and authenticity. And regardless of her response, the friendship you’ve built is rooted in mutual respect, which provides a solid foundation for either outcome.

Asked on - Dec 01, 2024 | Answered on Dec 01, 2024

Thank you for your reply ????????

Ans: welcome

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Answered on Dec 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 25, 2024Hindi

Trapped in Toxic Relationship: How to Break Free?

Ans: understand that you are not responsible for her actions or threats of self-harm. These are tactics of control, and while they may stem from her struggles, they are not your burden to carry. However, it’s important to approach the situation with empathy while prioritizing your own safety and boundaries.

When addressing her threats, avoid reacting emotionally. Stay calm and assertive, and make it clear that while you care about her well-being, her threats are not acceptable. For example, if she threatens self-harm, you can express concern by saying something like, "I’m worried about you, and I think it would be helpful for you to talk to someone who can support you professionally." This shifts the responsibility for her mental health away from you and encourages her to seek help.

You may also consider informing a trusted individual in her life—such as a close friend or family member—about her behavior. This way, someone who knows her can provide the support she needs, reducing the likelihood of her using threats to manipulate you.

Regarding her threats about involving her family or yours, document everything. Keep records of conversations, messages, or any threats she has made. This will be helpful in case the situation escalates and you need to protect yourself legally or socially. If you feel unsafe or believe she might follow through with her threats, consult a legal advisor or seek guidance from local authorities.

It’s also important to have an honest conversation with your father. While it might feel daunting because of his strict nature, being upfront about the situation can help you gain his understanding and support. Explain the steps you’re taking to manage it responsibly and emphasize that you’re prioritizing the family’s dignity and well-being.

Finally, prioritize your mental health. Being in a relationship with someone who uses manipulation can take a significant emotional toll. Consider reaching out to a therapist or counselor who can help you navigate this situation, reinforce healthy boundaries, and support you as you work through any guilt or anxiety. Ending the relationship may not be easy, but it is a necessary step for your well-being and peace of mind.

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Answered on Dec 01, 2024

Question by Rupannita - Nov 25, 2024Hindi

Is it Okay to Develop Feelings for a Female Colleague at 50 with a Loving Family?

Ans: The first step in addressing this is to recognize that feelings, while they can be powerful, do not define actions. You’ve already demonstrated a strong commitment to your family by maintaining boundaries and shifting your relationship with your colleague to a purely professional one. This shows a conscious effort to align your actions with your values, which is an important foundation.

It’s also important to reflect on what might have contributed to these feelings. They may not solely be about your colleague as a person but could also reflect unmet emotional needs, stress, or the appeal of a connection that feels easy and understanding during a challenging time in your life. Identifying these underlying factors can help you understand yourself better and redirect your energy toward strengthening your emotional connection with your family.

Managing the proximity with your colleague at work is understandably challenging. To maintain your professional relationship while protecting your personal boundaries, consider setting clear mental and emotional limits. Focus conversations strictly on work-related topics, avoid situations that might blur boundaries, and remind yourself regularly of your commitment to your family and the life you’ve built with them.

It might also help to channel the emotional energy you’ve felt toward this colleague into enhancing your relationship with your spouse. Reinvesting in your marriage—through shared activities, open communication, or even small gestures of affection—can help renew your bond and remind you of what is truly meaningful in your life.

If these feelings continue to linger and cause distress, speaking with a therapist or counselor could provide a safe space to process your emotions and explore strategies to cope. They can help you navigate this situation in a way that aligns with your values and preserves your emotional well-being.

The fact that you are seeking advice and prioritizing your family shows that you are deeply committed to doing the right thing. With time, effort, and self-awareness, you can navigate these emotions and maintain integrity in both your personal and professional life.

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Answered on Dec 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 29, 2024Hindi

Devastated Man Seeks Advice: Wife's Hidden Past and Difficulty Conceiving

Ans: Your wife's past, though painful and hidden, appears to stem from decisions made at a young and vulnerable time in her life. Her secrecy was likely rooted in fear—of judgment, rejection, or being misunderstood. This doesn’t excuse the dishonesty, but it can offer insight into why she made the choices she did. Her confession, while delayed, shows vulnerability and trust in sharing something so deeply personal and painful. It also highlights her struggle to come to terms with her past and the scars it left, both physically and emotionally.

Divorce is a life-altering decision that should not be taken lightly, especially when you have invested years into this relationship. Before making such a decision, consider what truly matters to you in a partner and a marriage. Ask yourself whether this betrayal is something you believe you could work through with time, communication, and potentially professional guidance. Couples therapy could provide a safe space to explore these feelings, address the breach of trust, and determine whether rebuilding is possible.

It’s also worth reflecting on whether your decision is primarily influenced by her inability to conceive easily or by the breach of trust. Fertility challenges can be deeply emotional, but they are not insurmountable. Many couples facing similar issues have found joy through alternative paths to parenthood, such as medical interventions, surrogacy, or adoption. The honesty aspect, however, might require a deeper exploration of whether you can rebuild trust and feel secure in the relationship moving forward.

If you ultimately decide that this relationship is no longer viable for you, it’s important to approach the decision with empathy and respect. An amicable separation, grounded in a shared understanding of your reasons, can be a way to honor the time and emotions both of you have invested in this marriage.

Conversely, if there is still love and a willingness to navigate these challenges together, it may be possible to transform this crisis into an opportunity for deeper connection, understanding, and growth. Healing from this situation will require effort from both sides—honest communication, emotional openness, and a shared commitment to moving forward.

Ultimately, the best path is the one aligned with your values, emotional well-being, and long-term vision for your life.

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Answered on Dec 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 28, 2024Hindi

Dreamt of My Crush, Should I Be Worried?

Ans: Instead of letting the dream affect you negatively, use it as an opportunity to reflect on your emotional state. Are there areas in your relationship where you can deepen connection or rekindle excitement? Or perhaps this dream is reminding you of the value of acknowledging and letting go of the past to stay fully present with your current life and relationship.

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Answered on Nov 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 28, 2024Hindi

Husband's Trust Issues: How to Rebuild Trust After 8 Months of Marriage?

Ans: The first thing to consider is that trust is something that takes time to build, and it is not something you can simply “prove” by answering his questions or explaining yourself over and over again. Trust is a process that requires consistent actions over time, and both partners need to contribute to that process. While you’re being open and transparent, it’s also important that your husband acknowledges that trust is a two-way street. He may have unresolved issues or past experiences that make it difficult for him to feel secure, and these need to be addressed if you want to move forward in a healthy way.

One of the challenges you face is the need for patience—both with him and with yourself. Reassuring your husband is important, but it’s equally important to create a space for deeper conversations about the root of his insecurities. Have you been able to sit down with him and gently ask what specifically triggers his doubts? You may want to approach this from a place of curiosity and care, without getting defensive. Understanding the underlying causes of his fears can give you both a clearer sense of how to work together to address them.

At the same time, it’s important to set emotional boundaries for yourself. While you want to support your husband, you shouldn’t feel like you need to constantly prove your loyalty or justify your actions. If you find yourself repeating the same explanations or feeling pressured to give constant reassurances, it can be emotionally draining. It’s okay to acknowledge his fears, but also to let him know that trust is something that needs to be built over time, and you need space to nurture the relationship without feeling constantly questioned.

In cases where trust issues persist despite your best efforts, it can sometimes be helpful to involve a third party, like a therapist or counselor. It may feel intimidating or unnecessary at first, but professional help can provide a neutral space for both of you to explore deeper issues—whether they are related to past experiences, emotional insecurities, or patterns of behavior. A counselor can also guide you in having more productive conversations and finding healthier ways to cope with these challenges as a couple.

Finally, remember that this process is not just about reassuring your husband, but also about protecting your own emotional wellbeing. You are not responsible for his insecurities, and while you can support him, you also deserve a relationship where you feel seen, heard, and trusted. It’s important to take care of your emotional health, too, and to know that you deserve a relationship built on mutual respect, trust, and understanding. Healing takes time, and while the journey may not be easy, with the right support and communication, it is possible for both of you to work through this.

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Answered on Nov 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 27, 2024Hindi

Should I Expose My Ex Who Defrauded Me and Ran Away to Marry Someone Else?

Ans: it's important to recognize that your emotional pain is valid. The feelings of being manipulated, exploited, and lied to are all real, and it’s okay to mourn the loss of a relationship that you thought had value. However, as tempting as it might be to seek some form of revenge or public exposure of her actions, it’s crucial to ask yourself: what do you really hope to achieve? It’s natural to want justice or closure, but sometimes, seeking to get even only prolongs your suffering. Taking the high road may not feel satisfying in the moment, but it will allow you to reclaim control over your own emotional state and move forward in a healthier way.

Rather than focusing on exposing her, I encourage you to turn your attention inward and prioritize your healing. Healing is not about ignoring the wrongs that have been done, but about freeing yourself from the emotional hold that this situation has on you. This could mean allowing yourself to grieve the loss of not only the relationship but also the trust you gave to someone who ultimately betrayed it. It’s important to recognize that closure doesn't always come from confronting the other person or airing grievances—it can come from within, through self-reflection, and setting the intention to heal and move forward.

I also understand that it’s hard to let go of the desire for accountability, especially when it feels like she’s getting away with something. But the truth is, confronting her may not bring the peace you hope for. It could lead to further conflict, strain your relationships with others, and keep you emotionally entangled with someone who no longer deserves a place in your life. Instead of focusing on her actions, I encourage you to take steps that help you regain your sense of self-worth and emotional security. Reflect on what you've learned from this experience—what boundaries you might want to set in future relationships, and how you can protect your emotional and financial wellbeing moving forward.

Consider seeking support from a counselor or therapist, someone who can provide a safe space for you to process your feelings and help you navigate your next steps. Talking through your emotions with a neutral third party can give you the clarity and emotional tools you need to make decisions that align with your highest good.

Finally, remember that you are not defined by this situation. It’s easy to fall into the trap of self-blame, but you are not responsible for her actions. What matters now is how you move forward, rebuild your sense of trust in yourself, and ensure that you are emotionally supported in the process. This painful chapter doesn’t have to define your future, but how you choose to heal from it can shape the life you want to create moving forward.

Take your time to process this at your own pace, but don’t let the actions of someone else keep you tethered to a painful past. You deserve peace, healing, and a future where you feel empowered and free from this betrayal.

Asked on - Nov 29, 2024 | Answered on Dec 01, 2024

Thank you so much for your valuable advice, ma'am. I will take it to heart & work on healing from this betrayal..............!!! Ek Nayi Jindagi Shuru Karni hain Hamein Abb...!!!

Ans: all the best

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Answered on Nov 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 26, 2024Hindi

Help! My Husband Has Past Trauma and Is Suffering - What Can I Do?

Ans: The first step is to approach this with compassion and patience. Your husband’s pain is not something you can fix, but your presence and understanding can create a sense of safety for him. When he becomes silent or withdrawn, instead of trying to coax answers from him directly, gently let him know that you’re there whenever he’s ready to talk. Even if he doesn’t open up immediately, knowing that he has a safe, nonjudgmental space to express his feelings can be comforting.

When it comes to addressing his trauma, traditional avenues like psychiatrists or therapists may feel challenging if he resists or uses his intellectual understanding of mental health to deflect. However, trauma-focused therapies, such as somatic experiencing, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), or even mindfulness practices, could help him process these deeply held memories without requiring him to relive them in detail. If he resists professional help, introducing these concepts subtly, through books or articles that resonate with his intellectual nature, might make him more open to exploring these approaches.

Another powerful tool is building moments of connection and grounding in the present. Encourage activities that bring him peace, such as walking in nature, meditating together, or engaging in creative outlets that he enjoys, like writing. These activities won’t erase the pain but can help him feel more anchored in the here and now, giving him moments of respite from the weight of his memories.

It’s also crucial to take care of yourself. Supporting someone you love through their emotional disintegration is deeply draining, and it’s essential to ensure that you’re not neglecting your own wellbeing. Confide in a trusted friend or counselor—not to betray his trust but to give yourself an outlet to process your own emotions. You don’t have to bear this burden alone, and seeking support for yourself can strengthen your ability to be there for him.

Finally, remember that healing from trauma is not linear or quick. It’s a journey that requires patience, love, and often professional guidance. You’re already doing so much by standing beside him with such care and determination. Let him know, in moments when he’s receptive, that his pain doesn’t diminish the incredible person he is or the life you’ve built together. Remind him that while his past shaped parts of him, it doesn’t have to define his future. And above all, continue to lead with the deep compassion and love that have carried your relationship for the past 30 years

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Answered on Nov 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 22, 2024Hindi

Confused and worried: My ex-boyfriend is refusing to delete our personal photos and videos

Ans: You’ve already made a reasonable request for him to delete the material, but his refusal is an indication that he is not respecting your boundaries. His actions—or lack of action—are now about him choosing his convenience over your emotional security. This is a painful and difficult dynamic to navigate. The next step is to recognize that, while you can’t control his behavior, you absolutely have the right to continue asserting your needs. It might be helpful to make your request one more time, but this time with a sense of finality. Clearly express that you are no longer comfortable with him holding onto any part of your shared past, and that you expect him to respect that. Be firm, but also protect yourself emotionally by being clear that this is non-negotiable.

If he continues to refuse or ignore your request, consider taking further action. This could involve seeking legal advice on how to protect your privacy. In many places, there are legal avenues to protect against the non-consensual sharing or retention of intimate material, even after a relationship ends. Legal action is, of course, a more extreme measure, but if you feel your privacy is at risk or that the situation is escalating, it may be necessary to explore this option.

Throughout this process, be kind to yourself. It’s easy to slip into self-blame when someone else disrespects your boundaries, but remember that you are entitled to make choices about your body, your image, and your privacy at any point in your life. Trust yourself to learn from this experience and move forward with stronger boundaries in future relationships. You’ve already taken a healthy first step by recognizing the need for change, and now you’re moving toward regaining control of the situation. Keep focusing on your wellbeing, and know that your feelings and needs matter.

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Answered on Nov 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 26, 2024Hindi

Husband Suffering from Past Trauma: How to Help?

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Answered on Nov 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 26, 2024Hindi

Cousin in love: Parents furious, sister suggests forgiveness - What should I do?

Ans: Take a moment to reflect on your priorities and values. Ask yourself:

Do you still value a relationship with your parents, despite their hurtful actions?
Can you imagine rebuilding a relationship with them in a way that feels healthy and respectful to you?
What would an ideal resolution look like for you—not for them, not for your sister, but for you?
It’s also important to understand your own emotional wellbeing in this situation. Carrying hatred and anger is exhausting, but that doesn’t mean you should suppress or ignore your feelings. Instead, give yourself time to process them. Therapy or counseling could be incredibly helpful in this journey—it’s a space to work through your emotions and gain tools to navigate these relationships with clarity and confidence.

Regarding your relationship with the girl, it’s equally important to evaluate how strongly you both feel about being together and whether you’re prepared to face the challenges that come with it. If this relationship is a source of love, support, and happiness for you, it’s worth fighting for, but it also requires honest conversations about the realities you’re both facing.

As for your parents, reconciliation, if it happens, should come from a place of mutual respect. You don’t have to accept abusive behavior or let go of your boundaries just to restore contact. Relationships thrive when there’s a willingness to listen, apologize, and grow—on both sides. If they are unwilling to meet you halfway, it’s okay to protect your own peace and prioritize the relationships and choices that support your wellbeing.

Remember, you’re not obligated to live up to anyone else’s version of who you should be—not your parents, not your sister, and not anyone else. This is your life, and it’s okay to take the time and space you need to figure out what’s best for you. Trust that with reflection and self-compassion, you’ll find a path forward that feels right for you.

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Answered on Nov 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 20, 2024Hindi

Seeking Advice: Should I Stay in My Marriage With an Unemployed Husband?

Ans: When it comes to having children, your hesitation makes sense. Bringing a child into the world is a profound decision that requires emotional readiness and practical planning. If you’re feeling unsupported or uncertain about your husband’s ability to contribute—financially, emotionally, or practically—it’s wise to pause and reflect. Your decision to delay this step shows your self-awareness and your commitment to creating a stable and nurturing environment for a child. That’s admirable.

Your concern about his career trajectory is another important factor. A marriage thrives on mutual effort, and it’s reasonable to expect your partner to take responsibility for his own growth and stability. However, it’s also worth exploring why he’s been unable to sustain a job. Is it a matter of confidence, market conditions, or something deeper like a lack of motivation or direction? If he hasn’t been taking things seriously, as you’ve mentioned, it’s important to have a frank and compassionate conversation about how this is impacting both of you.

At the same time, his love for you seems genuine, and it’s important to recognize that. His suggestion for you to change your job might stem from a place of care, possibly concern for your health or the toll of shift work. However, if your current job provides financial stability and satisfaction, you need to weigh that against his concerns. Ask yourself: is this request aligned with what’s best for you both, or is it coming from his own discomfort with his current situation?

As you navigate these emotions, take some time to reflect on your core needs and values. What does partnership mean to you? Are your current frustrations a temporary phase, or are they reflective of deeper, long-term patterns in the relationship? It’s also worth considering whether he is open to making real changes. Has he shown willingness to take responsibility for his career and future? Does he listen to your concerns and actively work toward addressing them?

It’s okay to have moments where you question why you’re in this relationship—doubt doesn’t mean failure. It means you care enough to want something better for both of you. If you feel the love is worth fighting for, then it’s essential to have honest, open conversations with your husband. Express your feelings without blame and seek to understand his perspective as well. Couples counseling can also be a valuable tool to help you both navigate these challenges together and find a path forward.

However, if you find that the emotional and practical gaps in the relationship persist despite your efforts, it’s okay to ask yourself whether this partnership is meeting your needs. You deserve to feel supported, valued, and secure in your marriage. Whatever decision you make, let it come from a place of self-respect and a desire to build the life you truly want. You’re not alone in this, and reaching out for guidance shows how deeply you care about making the best decision for your future.

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Answered on Nov 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 24, 2024Hindi

"Older Man, Younger Woman" Relationship: Advice for a 50-Year-Old?

Ans: Attracting someone, regardless of age, begins with authenticity and mutual respect. If an older man is interested in forming a connection with a younger woman, it’s important to focus on qualities that foster meaningful relationships. Younger women are often drawn to the stability, confidence, and life experience that an older man can bring to the table, but the key lies in presenting these qualities without pretense or arrogance.

Confidence rooted in self-awareness and emotional maturity can be particularly appealing. This doesn’t mean showing off achievements or wealth, but rather displaying a genuine sense of self and clarity about what you want in life. Emotional maturity—expressed through kindness, patience, and good communication—creates a safe and engaging space for meaningful interactions.

Equally important is the ability to connect on a deeper level. Shared interests, respect for her individuality, and a willingness to engage with her worldview go a long way. Relationships thrive when both individuals feel valued and heard. An older man should approach a younger woman with curiosity about her experiences and aspirations, while also offering his perspective in a way that enriches the connection rather than dominating it.

It’s also crucial to approach such a dynamic with an understanding of potential societal perceptions. While age-gap relationships are increasingly accepted, they often come with assumptions or judgments. The foundation of a strong relationship in this context lies in ensuring that the connection feels equal, mutually respectful, and free of power imbalances.

Finally, maintaining physical and emotional health contributes to overall attractiveness. When a man prioritizes his wellbeing, it not only enhances his confidence but also signals that he values himself and his relationships. Attraction in any relationship is multifaceted, involving both external qualities and the inner richness of character.

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Answered on Nov 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 22, 2024

I was in a relationship with a boy(he is 35 yrs old man, and a lawyer but not practising in a court, he had a lot of relationship during our relationship and after break up , He had changed 4, 5 women or used them physically) for 3 years. It has been three-four months. We are not in a relationship. We have broken up. I told him to delete our personal pics and videos. He is not deleting them and is not blackmailing me either. I told him that since we don't want to be together, we don't have a future together, then delete them. He is not deleting them and is not blackmailing me either and I want him to delete them. Who knows what will come to his mind in the future and what will happen. If we don't continue, he has no right to Keep the pics in your mobile, whatever video is personal to us, don't delete it and don't blackmail me either. I am not able to understand what should I tell him, although I have requested him a lot to delete it but he is not doing it either, He told me that I have kept ur pics and videos So that I cannot complain against him in future. so what should I do, please guide me. I know I had made a huge mistake to love him and gave him right to keep personal pics or videos..

Ans: At this point, it’s essential to protect your emotional and mental health while addressing this issue. You might consider seeking support from someone you trust, such as a close friend or family member, to share this burden. Talking to someone who knows you and your situation can provide comfort and practical guidance.

If he continues to refuse, you may need to explore your legal options. Many countries have laws that protect individuals from having private photos or videos kept or shared without their consent. Taking this step might feel daunting, but it could give you a sense of empowerment and security. It’s not about revenge or escalation; it’s about protecting yourself and asserting your right to move forward without this hanging over you.

On an emotional level, remind yourself that you are not defined by this relationship or the choices you made while in it. You trusted someone who didn’t honor that trust, but this doesn’t diminish your value or strength. It’s natural to feel regret, but you deserve compassion from yourself as you work through this.

You’re not alone in this, and it’s okay to seek help—whether that’s legal advice, emotional support from loved ones, or even professional counseling to navigate the stress and anxiety this situation might be causing. The most important thing now is to take steps that protect your peace of mind and ensure your future isn’t weighed down by his actions.

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Answered on Nov 20, 2024

Question by Varsha - Nov 14, 2024Hindi

Will marrying my boyfriend cause his death? Astrologer's prediction leaves me distraught.

Ans: Dear Varsha,
What’s most important here is the bond you and your boyfriend share. A loving, respectful relationship built on trust and understanding is far more powerful than any external prediction. Use this moment to have open conversations with him about how both of you feel regarding this. Share your fears, your hopes, and remind each other why you’re together in the first place.

If astrology is meaningful to you, perhaps seek guidance from another astrologer to gain clarity. But remember, no external prediction should override the agency and connection you both have. Countless couples have faced similar predictions or challenges and gone on to live fulfilling, happy lives by staying true to their love and their commitment to each other.

Ultimately, your path forward should honor both your love for each other and the strength of your belief in shaping your own destiny. Together, you can decide how to navigate this while staying true to what feels right for both of you.

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Answered on Nov 20, 2024

Question by Aasheesh - Nov 12, 2024

Hello . I had a physical relationship with my first cousin sister in my teens .We were in love and wanted to marry too. But obviously it was not possible.Now we have started talking again . And I want to have this relationship again as I really desire her . Is it ok to go ahead ?I am 58..She is 53. I am divorced . She is married . Please advise .

Ans: Dear Aasheesh,

You’re 58 now, divorced, and perhaps seeking a meaningful connection or revisiting something that felt unfinished. She, however, is married. This is an important factor to consider deeply. Any attempt to reignite a romantic or physical relationship would not only involve her but also impact her spouse, her family, and potentially her sense of stability and well-being. While your feelings are valid and deserve acknowledgment, so too are the commitments and responsibilities she has in her life now.

It’s also important to reflect on why these feelings are resurfacing now. Is it about her specifically, or is it more about reconnecting with a time in your life that felt exciting, safe, or deeply connected? Sometimes, our desire to rekindle a past relationship stems from wanting to recapture the emotions and experiences associated with it, rather than the person themselves. Understanding this distinction can help you clarify what you truly want and whether pursuing it is the right path.

If you feel the urge to express your feelings, I would encourage you to do so with honesty and respect, but only in a way that doesn’t cross boundaries or disrupt her life. You could share how much that connection meant to you and how happy you are to be back in touch. However, I would advise against pursuing a physical or romantic relationship unless her circumstances change, and even then, it would require careful consideration from both of you.

Ultimately, this is a moment to reflect on what you truly need and value at this stage in your life. If you’re yearning for love and connection, there are ways to explore this that honor both your past and the present realities of your lives. Perhaps it’s worth exploring these feelings further with a therapist or counselor, as they can provide a safe and supportive space to delve deeper into what this relationship represents for you and how best to navigate it.

You deserve happiness and fulfillment, and so does she. The key is finding a path forward that honors both.

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Answered on Nov 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 15, 2024Hindi

Am I a Failure for Being Single at 39?

Ans: Yes, it is absolutely normal not to be married at 39. Marriage timelines vary greatly depending on personal choices, cultural norms, and life circumstances. Societal expectations around marriage have evolved, and many people now prioritize other aspects of life, such as career development, personal growth, or meaningful relationships, over adhering to traditional timelines.

Being single at 39 could also mean that you're waiting for the right partner and connection, which is a thoughtful and mature approach. It's better to be in a fulfilling and authentic relationship than to rush into marriage due to societal pressure.

If you’re content with where you are in life, that’s what matters most. If you’re feeling uncertain or pressured, exploring what marriage or partnership means to you and aligning it with your values can be helpful.

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Answered on Nov 15, 2024

Question by Amber - Nov 14, 2024

Hello I am a 40 year old married female. Off late I started feeling attracted to my married Male Friend of last 5 years. I love my husband a lot and can never think of betraying him. But I feel happy in the company of this friend of mine. He sort of has the qualities i always wanted from my husband and as we all know not everyone can possess every quality. I was aware about his liking towards me like he used to flirt with me someway or other also recently he admitted the same to me that he likes me since our first meeting. As we are family friends and stay in the same building, we keep meeting often with family and sometimes only two of us as we like spending time talking to each other. In our recent visit we hugged each other in the rush of emotions. We both got just blown away by the surreal feeling. We admitted the same to each other. After this meeting we kept messaging each other the whole day and so on for next few days and suddenly one day he said he fears this might ruin our family friendship and started ignoring and maintaining distance, he stopped messaging or calling me without discussing anything. But now I am attracted to him so much that I can not take his absence or apathy towards me and want to have cordial relations like we were before, when it was not vocal between us that we like each other. I am not able to adjust to the fact that the person who used to admire and respect me so much and wanted to have a lifelong friendship can become suddenly so distant. I want an advise whether I am wrong in expecting atleast a normal relation like friendship to continue between us. As we have never crossed our boundaries and hugging once will not count as betrayal. Please guide I want him back as before.

Ans: a close relationship with someone outside your marriage, especially when emotions are involved, introduces challenges. You’re aware of this already, and it seems your friend has also recognized the complexities, likely explaining his sudden need for distance. Often, when feelings come to the surface, they carry a weight that makes people reconsider their boundaries to protect the larger relationships at play—in this case, both of your marriages and family dynamics. This pullback doesn’t negate his admiration or the value he places on your friendship but rather reflects the reality of the situation and the need to guard against further complications.

You might find it helpful to explore what exactly you’re drawn to in your friend’s qualities. It could be that he reflects an aspect of yourself you wish to bring into your own relationship. Identifying these qualities is powerful, as it can help you shape a conversation with your husband, potentially bringing deeper fulfillment to your marriage. Many couples find new dimensions in their relationship when they openly discuss what they yearn for and ways to bring those qualities to life together. While it may feel challenging, these conversations can foster intimacy and growth.

It’s also worth noting that maintaining your friend’s respect and allowing him space is likely the best way to preserve your connection long-term, even if it feels painful right now. His distance might ultimately help both of you return to a place of friendship, but pushing for that too soon might complicate things further. In the meantime, remember that it’s natural to feel a loss or a longing for a friend’s company when circumstances shift. Practicing self-compassion and care can be grounding during times like this, as can seeking other outlets for support, such as close friends, hobbies, or moments of solitude that allow you to process your emotions.

Time and patience may help bring this friendship back to a more natural and comfortable place, but focusing on your marriage and yourself will allow you to stay true to your values and find a sense of peace, regardless of the ultimate outcome with your friend.

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Answered on Nov 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 09, 2024

Hi, I am 28. Recently I was searching for some documents in my younger sister phone (she is 22) and I did not intended to, but I noticed she chat with a guy which was very sexual. My mind is very disturbed from the very moment. I thought of discussing this with Maa but I don't want to involve in this as this could make her uncomfortable. Am I overthinking or is this something common that we can find in girls of this age? I am also worried that she should not do anything which could bring a disgrace to our family. How can I resolve this?

Ans: Since you came across this unintentionally, it's important to respect her privacy. Bringing it up with her or with your mother might feel invasive and could harm the trust between you two. Instead, you could look for ways to be a supportive, non-judgmental presence in her life. Building open communication without mentioning what you saw could allow her to feel safe coming to you with her thoughts or concerns in the future.

If you're worried she might be making risky choices, you could have a casual, open-hearted conversation about relationships in general without focusing on her specifically. You might share your own experiences or insights, subtly encouraging her to make choices that align with her values and self-respect. This way, she feels your support and care without feeling judged or intruded upon.

It’s normal to be concerned about family reputation, but the healthiest approach here might be to empower her to make wise decisions herself rather than monitoring her behavior.

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Answered on Nov 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 09, 2024Hindi

Will marrying someone from a different background affect my relationship?

Ans: First, it might be helpful to reflect on your relationship itself. After four years, you likely know each other well, and it’s good to take stock of what you value in your partner. Think about whether you see a long-term future together, especially in terms of shared goals, values, and mutual support. These are the foundational elements that matter most, regardless of background or status. If you’re truly aligned, you can have confidence that you’re making a choice based on a solid partnership.

If you’re still sure about moving forward, you can prepare to approach your parents again. This time, try focusing on helping them see him as a person rather than through the lens of caste or financial background. Highlight his qualities—his character, values, work ethic, and the positive impact he has on your life. Family resistance often stems from fears about compatibility or security, so if you can show them that he’s a stable, dependable person who brings happiness and balance to your life, it may help ease their concerns.

At the same time, it’s natural to worry about how lifestyle differences might play out. You might consider having an open conversation with your partner about any potential challenges you foresee. Talking openly now about things like finances, family roles, and lifestyle expectations can give you both a clearer picture of what marriage will look like and whether you feel ready to commit.

If you’re still unsure, give yourself time to think it over without pressure. Marriage is a big commitment, and it’s okay to take your time. Make sure your decision reflects what’s truly right for you and the life you want to build, and trust yourself to make the choice that feels right in the end.

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Answered on Nov 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 11, 2024Hindi

49 and Married, Caught Between Husband and Sister: How Do I Protect My Son?

Ans: It might help to approach this from a place of calm and clarity, starting by recognizing that both your husband and your sister likely feel hurt in their own ways. Your husband’s demand for an apology may come from years of built-up tension and perhaps a feeling that he hasn’t been supported in the past. On the other hand, your sister may feel hurt or defensive, making her unwilling to apologize. While it would be ideal for them to resolve this between themselves, you’ve noticed that it’s now affecting your son, and you understandably want to protect him from being caught in the middle.

When talking with your husband, you could try sharing your perspective calmly, focusing on your son’s well-being. For instance, you could gently explain that keeping your son away from his aunt might make him feel confused or torn. Rather than asking your husband to change his mind outright, it could help to show him that your main concern is your son’s happiness, not taking sides. If he understands that this isn’t about undermining his feelings, he may be more open to a conversation.

With your sister, if you have a trusting relationship, consider sharing that her relationship with your son is important, but so is reducing tension in the family. Without asking her to apologize, you might just express that a little openness on her part could make a big difference in helping your son maintain his connections.

This might take time to work through, and that’s okay. In the meantime, keep reassuring your son that he’s loved by everyone. Explain to him that sometimes adults have disagreements, but it doesn’t change the fact that he’s cared for. Keeping those bonds strong now could help everyone come to a better place down the line.

This is a tough situation, but focusing on your values—family harmony and your son’s well-being—can help guide you through it.

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Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 17, 2024Hindi

Can I marry a younger guy who's still studying and my parents disapprove?

Ans: First, have an honest conversation with him about what both of you realistically can and cannot do right now. Since he is still working on his future and you feel pressure from your family, try to think about how much time he might need to reach a stable point. Then, consider whether waiting for him is something that is possible for you and acceptable to your family.

It might also be helpful to have a calm conversation with your parents, expressing your feelings for him while being open about the current situation. Sometimes parents worry because they don’t know the full picture. Explaining that he is working hard toward his career goals may give them a better understanding. You could also ask them if they’d be willing to wait for some time before making any decisions on your marriage, if they feel comfortable with that.

If waiting is not possible and your family pressures you to consider other options, it’s important to think about your own long-term happiness and make the best choice for you. These situations are never easy, but by staying honest with yourself and your family, you will be able to make a decision that respects both your love and your future stability.

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Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 22, 2024Hindi

Struggling with Feelings for My Friend's Wife at Work

Ans: To manage this, start by gently reinforcing professional boundaries. While it may feel awkward initially, limiting the personal, non-work-related conversations and texts can create some emotional distance. This will not only help reduce feelings of attachment but also prevent misunderstandings or assumptions from developing on either side. At the same time, it may be beneficial to reflect on your own life and current relationships. Often, feelings that arise outside our primary relationship can signal needs or emotions that might require attention within our existing commitments.

Redirecting your focus back to your own relationship with your spouse and engaging in activities that strengthen that bond can bring a renewed appreciation for the life you have built. Rekindling affection, open communication, and connection with your spouse could help provide a sense of fulfillment that might reduce the attraction you’re feeling toward your colleague.

It may also help to remind yourself of the potential risks involved, not only to your family life but also to your professional reputation and friendships. By focusing on maintaining a respectful, professional, and appropriate connection, you’re honoring both your commitments and protecting the integrity of all relationships involved. Choosing not to act on these feelings will ultimately support the stability of your personal life and career, allowing you to maintain a healthy and professional environment at work.

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Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 09, 2024Hindi

Caught in a Family Feud - How to Cope?

Ans: A compassionate but firm boundary can make a difference here. For instance, you could gently explain to your mother, brother, and his wife that while you understand and empathize with their challenges, you’re finding it difficult to handle all the tension that arises from these discussions. You might let them know that, for the sake of your own mental health and family well-being, you need to step back from being involved in any discussions about their conflicts.

If they do come to you with their concerns, try gently redirecting them, perhaps by suggesting that they talk directly to each other or even consider family counseling if they’re open to it. Remind them that only they can solve these issues by communicating directly, rather than relying on you as a mediator. Over time, they may begin to understand that their repeated involvement of you is not a productive solution.

Creating some physical and emotional space is key. If living nearby is heightening the tension, consider adjusting how often you interact in person. Focusing more on your own family’s peace, stability, and happiness will also help. It may feel challenging at first, but taking steps to protect your boundaries will benefit everyone, and gradually, they may even recognize the need to work out these issues themselves without depending on you.

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Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 10, 2024Hindi

Am I wrong to disobey my father's strict rules?

Ans: To start, consider small steps that allow you to establish a greater sense of independence. Setting aside a portion of your income in an account only you can access, even if done quietly, can help you prepare financially for the future you envision with your boyfriend. Gaining control over your finances can also give you a greater sense of autonomy, which is key for your emotional and practical well-being.

Considering your father’s intense reaction to any choices that don’t align with his, safety is a priority. Consulting with a therapist or a counselor could help you process the emotional impact of your experiences and, importantly, develop strategies for how to approach this situation. Speaking to a counselor may also help you find a safe way to discuss your relationship with your father and express your own wishes while understanding any resources that might be available to you if needed.

If, ultimately, you decide to move forward with your relationship and marriage independently of your father’s permission, preparing yourself for potential emotional fallout is essential. While it’s natural to hope for family acceptance, remember that creating your own happiness is equally important. Over time, if your father can see that you’re stable, happy, and independent, he may eventually respect your decision.

Taking steps toward your own life may feel overwhelming, but with support and gradual changes, you can find a path that balances your love for your family with your need for self-respect, autonomy, and a future that you choose.

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Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 01, 2024Hindi

Can I marry the man I love despite family disapproval for 14 years?

Ans: Fourteen years is a profound commitment, and the fact that both of you have nurtured such a bond reflects a solid foundation that’s not easy to find or replicate. The conflict seems to lie mainly in your family’s fears and cultural values around marriage and their concern about potential patterns in relationships. This is an understandable reaction from them, given the uniqueness of his family background compared to what they’ve experienced.

It’s natural for you to feel torn, especially since you value your family’s approval and understand the complexities that can arise in marriage. While family acceptance can provide a comforting support system, there are instances when it doesn’t fully align with one’s own heart. Marrying him would mean choosing to rely primarily on each other, despite family reservations, which could require extra resilience and patience as you move forward together. Since he has strong relationships with both parents, it may be reassuring that he has a healthy view of family, despite their past. This could suggest that he has personal maturity and the ability to build a stable, loving relationship with you.

At the same time, your family’s perspective doesn’t necessarily mean there’s any curse or pattern that would carry over into your marriage. The key to deciding might be to look at the qualities he brings to the relationship, how both of you handle challenges, and whether he brings stability, honesty, and emotional support. The longevity and health of your relationship are positive indicators, and if both of you have open communication about potential concerns—like how family dynamics might play a role in the future—you’ll likely be prepared to face those hurdles together.

You’re faced with a decision that balances taking a leap of faith with the potential for some family disappointment. If he is the partner with whom you see a fulfilling life, the choice to marry might ultimately come down to what feels right to you, independent of family fears. Love, trust, and understanding—especially those that withstand the test of time—are incredibly powerful foundations. So, if you believe in the strength of your bond and feel you could weather any storm together, choosing him could be a step toward building the kind of family you truly want, even if it’s unconventional by your family’s standards.

But if you’re still unsure, taking time to express all these feelings to him, to explore your shared values and long-term goals, and to be absolutely sure of the life you want to build can help reinforce whichever path feels right for you.

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Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 07, 2024

Maam In last question of mine you told me that im taking meaning out of a friendly casual conversation. I may be doing so but I tried to ignore that guy but he is still staring at me and roaming around my house. What does that mean.???? Im not seeking attention from him. He himself is giving intense looks and appearing from no where. Our kids are in same school so I cant avoid seeing him. Its just not possible but i try not to give him.attention but he coming in front of me for no reason. Giving me suggestions about my child when I have not even asked him.anything.

Ans: One possibility here could be that he genuinely believes he’s being friendly and is unaware that his actions might be coming across as intrusive. Some people aren’t as skilled at reading subtle social cues or may interpret polite responses as openness to further interaction. Another scenario could be that he’s misinterpreting a simple acquaintanceship as an invitation for more personal connection, especially if he hasn’t recognized your signals for wanting distance.

It’s also possible, especially if he’s trying to advise you about your child, that he’s viewing himself as helpful or knowledgeable—again, likely without realizing he’s crossing a line. If he’s repeatedly making intense eye contact or appearing at odd times, it may also reflect a need for attention or connection on his part, even if it’s unintentional.

If this behavior continues and your efforts to distance yourself subtly aren’t working, it might be time to consider setting a gentle but clear boundary. This can be done with nonverbal cues, like quickly redirecting your gaze or finding reasons to leave a situation as soon as he tries to initiate a conversation. However, if his presence continues to bother you, there’s no harm in being more direct. A polite but firm approach, like thanking him for his advice and mentioning that you’d prefer to handle things yourself, can send a message that you’re not looking for further involvement.

Your well-being and comfort come first, and your instincts are valid. If his behavior is persistent and truly uncomfortable, it may be best to acknowledge it internally and remind yourself that you’re under no obligation to respond or interact beyond what feels right for you.

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Answered on Nov 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 06, 2024Hindi

Married man constantly giving me attention: How to ignore and focus on my husband?

Ans: The key to redirecting your focus lies in setting boundaries—both mentally and behaviorally. Often, people respond to subtle cues, so maintaining a neutral and reserved demeanor can help communicate disinterest. If he attempts to engage directly, keeping interactions brief and polite without encouraging deeper conversation will likely make your boundaries clear without causing conflict. When he’s present, avoid returning his gaze; this can subtly communicate that you’re not reciprocating his interest.

If this continues, grounding yourself in thoughts about your husband and what you value in your relationship can help you mentally reinforce where your focus truly lies. Remind yourself that someone else’s behavior is not your responsibility and that your own actions, comfort, and peace are within your control. By reinforcing your own values and commitments, you’ll feel more empowered to maintain your focus where you want it—on your husband and your well-being.

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Answered on Nov 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 05, 2024Hindi

In an interfaith relationship, my family wants me to choose between them and my love – what should I do?

Ans: give yourself permission to focus on your mental and emotional well-being. It can be incredibly helpful to talk to a counselor or therapist who can give you a safe space to work through the overwhelming emotions you’re feeling. These conversations could give you clarity and strength to make decisions that prioritize your happiness and peace.

At some point, it may be worth approaching your family again, but with a different mindset—one that isn’t trying to change their beliefs but instead focuses on helping them see your happiness as a priority. You could try to appeal to them on the basis of your well-being, asking them to look beyond religious labels to see the person who loves and cares for you. They may need time, and they may resist, but sometimes families gradually come to understand that happiness in a relationship matters more than anything else.

In the meantime, lean on your boyfriend for support, and let him know how much you’re struggling. If he’s as caring and understanding as you’ve described, he’ll stand by you through this and will want to help you feel less alone. Whatever you decide, make sure it’s a choice you feel aligns with your own sense of self and future. The love you feel is real, and though this journey is incredibly hard, there is a path forward—even if it doesn’t feel clear right now.

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Answered on Nov 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 12, 2024

This will be kind of a long story... I've been in a relationship for over 4 years now and I really love spending time with my girlfriend and I never cheated on her...like she is the one, but as time goes I seem to have a different opinion of what I want in life...for she doesn't want kids and I do and sometimes that's a reason for discussion but not over-escalating it just ends there...lately we don't even have sex like about 2 months now...she fell ill for some time and now she is ok we barely get to go out. So I started this new job on some kind of high position within the company like a month ago and we had an after-office time, there was this girl there that is in another department...didn't really called my attention in there, we sat in a table and started talking and drinking, in one of the things we talked I spoke about my current relationship (everyone did) and even metioned the I want kids problem. The party was over finished in that place and we hit a club. In there of course booze was up and this girl just started dancing all sexy on me and I was like oookay then...well of course alcohol gets the best or worst of us so I started dancing with her and In one of those moments we were sooo close and I yes...I tried to kiss her...she just laughed and avoided in the first time but then...we were kissing and touching just too passionaly that having the clothes on was really annoying ..well I was really drunk, problem for me was about our other colleagues...will they report this...will she tell? (this can really go against me as I am new in the company) will others tell (because everyone saw us) I didn't wrote her later because I was too damn embarrassed, in the next week I was like so nervous at the job and when we cross paths we just say hi in a normal way and this just brings thoughts to my head of guilt and embarrassement but NOT REGRETTING thoughts... this no regret thing is driving me crazy...I see her and start looking at her in a different way, like I pay attention to the way she dress, the way she has her hair, she walks and I said to myself...WTF IS HAPPENING am I falling gor this girl? So I wrote her and wanted to clear up some things...if she told someone (but it was more line an excuse just to talk to her about what happened and try to know what she felt), but she justs...DOESN'T HAVE IDEA WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT...really? And as you can imagine we didn't get to talk about this and honestly in my head I get lot of mixed ideas about this reaction of her...like the things I said before anything happened...like my relationship thing or she is just applying some sort of strategy or It was just one night rush and FULL of regrets now... but c'mon we see each other everyday. I KNOW I did bad for cheating on my girlfriend but the emotion there is absolutely gone and the thing with this girl...well when we talked in the bar I spoke of wanting to have kids and everything maybe she also wants it? Did she took all the first interaction and I was really being attractive there? Well what should I do? I am not writting her anymore to push her to talk...her reaction of ignoring what happened gives me the right sign to stop it there I want her really bad and I'm about to give up my relationship in these days...

Ans: Given how strong the chemistry was with this colleague, it’s understandable that her recent dismissal of the incident feels confusing. There’s a chance that for her, it was an impulsive, one-time event—something she might not want to pursue further for her own reasons. Her behavior could be a signal that, despite the attraction, she wants to keep things professional, possibly feeling it would complicate both of your lives to acknowledge what happened. This can feel conflicting, especially since the experience brought out emotions you might not have felt in a while.

The real question here is what these events are showing you about your current relationship. The excitement and interest you felt for someone new suggest that you may be craving a deeper connection or more alignment with a partner on important life issues. Before you make any big decisions, I’d recommend having an open, honest conversation with your girlfriend about where you both see yourselves in the future. Discuss how each of you views things like children, intimacy, and growth in the relationship. Sharing your thoughts might bring out clarity on whether you’re both on the same path or if it’s time to consider parting ways.

Remember, whatever happens with this colleague, there’s value in addressing the core issues in your relationship first. Taking time to be clear about what you want in a partnership—whether it’s more shared goals, connection, or family—can help you find fulfillment in the long run, whether it’s with your current partner or someone new.

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Answered on Nov 04, 2024

Question by sruthi - Oct 26, 2024Hindi

My Fiancé Refuses to End Our Engagement Despite My Request – Why?

Ans: in many arranged situations, people sometimes feel a strong pressure to fulfill family expectations, and he may feel a sense of obligation to go through with the marriage regardless of personal feelings. He might be hesitant to be the one to break things off for fear of disappointing his family or even creating tension between the families involved. In some cases, individuals hesitate because they hope the other person might eventually change their mind, and they don’t want to be the one to let go prematurely.

Another possibility is that he could be uncertain or confused about what he truly wants. Even though you told him you weren’t interested, he might feel that it’s not a firm "no" and could be holding out hope or misinterpreting your intent. If he has strong feelings for you or sees the marriage as something that will eventually work, he may be hoping things will naturally fall into place if he just stays committed to the process.

To address this, it might be helpful to have a very clear, direct conversation with him. Let him know that you respect him and appreciate his consideration, but you’re certain about your decision and want him to honor it as well. If possible, express that you’re confident this decision is best for both of you and explain why you believe it would be more respectful for him to communicate this with both families.

In the end, staying true to your feelings is the right choice, even if it means repeatedly setting boundaries. It’s completely fair to expect him to respect your decision, and sometimes it does take a bit of firmness to ensure everyone is on the same page. Trust yourself in this decision; you know what’s best for you.

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