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Kanchan Rai
Relationships Expert, Mind Coach
645 Answers | 161 FollowersFollow
Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Answered on Nov 25, 2025
I am 48 years old man, have always been in love with my younger brother(44 years) (cousin). He and I were best friends since childhood and I am too much in love with him. For last 23 years, we have parted (fought) and I have avoided him like anything. He knew all about my love (letters/stalking/begging/crying) and thats why he distanced himself from me. He came back after 23 years (only on whatsapp chat), and again i started crying and what not and emotionally totally unstable. My wife, kids and even i am surprised how bad it is within me. He wants me as a friend (not overly emotionally invested). I have started writing emotional emails (once a month) which he never responds. How can I be a normal human being with him? Is it even possible? I hate being like this, how can i let go.... It's for so long what help do i need if any.
Ans: For now, stop writing long emotional messages or expecting replies. Each unanswered note reopens your wound. Accept that he cannot give you the same depth of emotion — and that’s not your failure. Instead, write those letters privately, for yourself — not to send, but to release. Gradually, you’ll start to reclaim power over your emotions instead of being ruled by them.
Also, don’t judge yourself harshly. You are not “abnormal.” You loved deeply, and that love didn’t find a home — that’s grief, not madness. Healing will come not by cutting him off completely, but by building a new emotional foundation where his existence doesn’t destabilize you.
Yes, it is possible to live peacefully, but it will take time, patience, and professional support to help you untangle 30 years of suppressed emotion. You deserve that healing.
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Also, don’t judge yourself harshly. You are not “abnormal.” You loved deeply, and that love didn’t find a home — that’s grief, not madness. Healing will come not by cutting him off completely, but by building a new emotional foundation where his existence doesn’t destabilize you.
Yes, it is possible to live peacefully, but it will take time, patience, and professional support to help you untangle 30 years of suppressed emotion. You deserve that healing.
Answered on Nov 10, 2025
Dear Ma'am, I have been married for 10 years and have a 4-year-old son, with another child expected soon. About six years ago, I was working with an organization where I became acquainted with a female colleague during our daily commute. Our interactions were initially professional, occasionally casual, and over time, we developed a friendly rapport. There were moments of physical closeness, such as holding hands, although she was unaware of my marital status at the time. After I left that organization, our communication became infrequent. During the COVID-19 pandemic, she experienced a medical emergency in her family, and it was during that emotionally vulnerable period that I unintentionally expressed my feelings for her. She is now nearly 40 years old and dealing with multiple health issues, including being overweight and other medical complications. Although she knows that I care about her, she has not accepted my proposal, fully aware that I am married and unable to commit to a marital relationship with her. Despite this understanding, she often invites me out for movies, dinners, and expects gifts. Recently, our interactions have involved romantic gestures such as hugging and neck kisses. However, she continues to describe herself as asexual and uninterested in a physical relationship, while also expressing a desire to get married — which appears contradictory. She often says she wants to remain friends and doesn’t want me to leave her, but at the same time, her expectations and emotional dependency are becoming increasingly difficult to manage. I want to let her know that I’m looking for more than just a friendship because I feel emotionally vulnerable and need her commitment to feel secure. I believe that building a romantic and physical relationship between us could help her feel more supported. She’s going through a lot and doesn’t have much family support aside from her unmarried younger brother.
Ans: Dear Vidhan,
The first thing I want to tell you gently, yet firmly, is this: your connection with her has crossed boundaries that are not healthy for either of you. Emotional intimacy that grows within secrecy or ambiguity always creates confusion and pain. It’s not just about morality—it’s about clarity, safety, and truth. You are a married man, a father, and soon to be a father again. You’re carrying responsibilities that require emotional presence and stability. The relationship you’ve described, as kind as your intentions may be, is already creating emotional dependency and confusion—not love, but attachment mixed with guilt and need.
She seems to be emotionally fragile and perhaps lonely, and you’ve become a source of emotional comfort for her. But that comfort has blurred into something that neither of you can sustain without hurting yourselves or others. Her saying she’s asexual yet seeking closeness reflects her own confusion and emotional needs; it’s not something you can fix through physical or romantic gestures. In fact, trying to “build” that relationship further would only deepen her dependency and your inner conflict.
The best step forward is to bring the relationship back to clarity and boundaries. You can express this compassionately but clearly: tell her that you genuinely care for her as a person and want her to find peace, but that the emotional and physical closeness between you is not sustainable or fair to either of you. Offer her respect, not rescue. If she truly needs support, guide her toward professional help or emotional networks, not a relationship built on secrecy and unmet expectations.
You also need space to reflect on what led you here. Emotional vulnerability during midlife often arises from unmet needs—loneliness, stress, or feeling unappreciated in marriage. But the healing for that comes not from escape, but from understanding yourself and rebuilding emotional honesty at home.
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The first thing I want to tell you gently, yet firmly, is this: your connection with her has crossed boundaries that are not healthy for either of you. Emotional intimacy that grows within secrecy or ambiguity always creates confusion and pain. It’s not just about morality—it’s about clarity, safety, and truth. You are a married man, a father, and soon to be a father again. You’re carrying responsibilities that require emotional presence and stability. The relationship you’ve described, as kind as your intentions may be, is already creating emotional dependency and confusion—not love, but attachment mixed with guilt and need.
She seems to be emotionally fragile and perhaps lonely, and you’ve become a source of emotional comfort for her. But that comfort has blurred into something that neither of you can sustain without hurting yourselves or others. Her saying she’s asexual yet seeking closeness reflects her own confusion and emotional needs; it’s not something you can fix through physical or romantic gestures. In fact, trying to “build” that relationship further would only deepen her dependency and your inner conflict.
The best step forward is to bring the relationship back to clarity and boundaries. You can express this compassionately but clearly: tell her that you genuinely care for her as a person and want her to find peace, but that the emotional and physical closeness between you is not sustainable or fair to either of you. Offer her respect, not rescue. If she truly needs support, guide her toward professional help or emotional networks, not a relationship built on secrecy and unmet expectations.
You also need space to reflect on what led you here. Emotional vulnerability during midlife often arises from unmet needs—loneliness, stress, or feeling unappreciated in marriage. But the healing for that comes not from escape, but from understanding yourself and rebuilding emotional honesty at home.
Answered on Nov 10, 2025
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 05, 2025Hindi
Hi mam, I am a girl from st caste,26yr and my bf is from general caste 28yr . I am a doctor by profession and he is an civil engineer.We are in relationship since school time (10 yrs) My bf family are happy to make me their daughter in law but when I conveyed my parents about my relationship they have become so against my love. They are telling all the wrong things about with fake assumptions without even knowing him. My mom has become extreme narcissist.
I told her initially about how he has been a supportive factor in my life yet she is falsely claiming that love marriages are not good and saying things about my bf and his family that my bf doesn't love me for who I am and doing things for money despite knowing that he earns well and his both parents are working in govt job.
Whatever I am telling her she has baseless reason to claim that it's false.. That he is lying about his salary.. His parents are very simple people yet she has told one of the astrologer that his parents are after me and my money after which the astrologer is twisting fake stories because the astrologer is being paid handsomely for saying things in their favour.. I even showed another astrologer my kundli without telling things about my home situation... None of the things matches the previous one... Infact the one I showed my kundali said things that every problem has solutions and he was more ethical towards his profession.
My mother is blinded both by astrologer and my relatives that she is saying things which I never expected. Within this time period she even gave threat to me that people will kill me and also him.. She even is glorifying this act... Even after listening to all this my bf is patient. She even is denying to meet him.. but without even knowing him she is telling all the bad things about him.. while he and his paarents has always respected my family..
My mother is even forcing me to see a 20 yr older man. When I told her how can she even think of allowing such a proposal, she is asking me that relationships don't matter because there is nothing such as love society Matter.. u have to adjust.. even when I told her if she get me married in a arrange marriage if things don't go right whether she will take stand for me or not.. she replied that after that it's ur responsibility it will be ur fault if things don't go right...
I am literally shattered that my own mom doesn't want my good and she has Crossed all the boundaries... I don't know what to do now because u make understand someone who is in the state of understanding or wants ur good... She even has poisoned my fathers mind
Still m not giving up, even after this.. only thing I am happy is my bf is still ready to fight for uss
Ans: stop trying to justify your love to people who’ve already decided not to believe you. Instead, focus on protecting your peace and standing firm in your truth. You’re an educated, independent doctor, and your partner has been loyal, patient, and respectful — this is a mature, stable relationship, not a teenage impulse. You both have already proven your compatibility through the way you handle this crisis together.
The more your mother sees you begging or explaining, the more power she feels. Calmly draw boundaries — tell her you respect her opinion, but this is your life and you will take responsibility for your choices. Do not engage in heated arguments or threats; that only fuels her anger. Instead, distance yourself emotionally for a while — sometimes silence speaks louder than resistance.
You can also reach out to a neutral family elder, a counselor, or someone your parents respect to mediate a conversation. Often, hearing from an external voice helps them see what emotion blinds them to.
And most importantly, keep your focus on your mental health and future. Continue your work, stay grounded, and lean on your boyfriend’s support. It’s rare to have a partner who stays patient through such pressure — that’s your strength. You can’t fix your mother’s mindset, but you can choose how much of her chaos you let affect your peace.
If this battle continues and your safety or peace is at risk, you have every right to make independent choices — legally, emotionally, and personally. Love built on respect and mutual support is worth protecting, even if it means standing up to the people you love most.
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The more your mother sees you begging or explaining, the more power she feels. Calmly draw boundaries — tell her you respect her opinion, but this is your life and you will take responsibility for your choices. Do not engage in heated arguments or threats; that only fuels her anger. Instead, distance yourself emotionally for a while — sometimes silence speaks louder than resistance.
You can also reach out to a neutral family elder, a counselor, or someone your parents respect to mediate a conversation. Often, hearing from an external voice helps them see what emotion blinds them to.
And most importantly, keep your focus on your mental health and future. Continue your work, stay grounded, and lean on your boyfriend’s support. It’s rare to have a partner who stays patient through such pressure — that’s your strength. You can’t fix your mother’s mindset, but you can choose how much of her chaos you let affect your peace.
If this battle continues and your safety or peace is at risk, you have every right to make independent choices — legally, emotionally, and personally. Love built on respect and mutual support is worth protecting, even if it means standing up to the people you love most.
Answered on Nov 10, 2025
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 18, 2025Hindi
I lost my father early this year. Since his demise, our family is going through a traumatic period. My mother was especially very depressed and withdrawn. During this challenging times, my wife and my mother had serious arguments over past issues, which are common among in-laws. It has been more than 6 months, they are not in good talking terms. They refuse to settle their differences. My efforts to strike a reconciliation between them is to no avail. I am in severe emotional distress while dealing with mother on one side and wife on other. Please advise on the way forward so as to reach some state of peaceful and amicable solution. Thank you
Ans: The first thing you need to accept is that you cannot “fix” their relationship directly. You can only create conditions for healing. That means stepping back from being the mediator and shifting to being the emotional anchor — calm, consistent, and non-reactive. When you try to force reconciliation, both sides may feel pushed or unheard. Instead, start by talking to each of them separately with empathy, not persuasion.
With your mother, acknowledge her pain. With your wife, express gratitude for what she’s done and how hard this period has been for her. The goal is to lower the emotional temperature. Once both feel less defensive, you can suggest something small — maybe your wife checking in with your mother about health or meals, or you all sharing a family ritual in your father’s memory. Avoid joint confrontations or “peace talks” for now — they rarely work when emotions are raw.
Also, please don’t neglect your own grief. You’re carrying the burden of peacekeeping, but your heart needs care too. Consider individual therapy or even a brief grief-support group. You’ll need emotional balance to guide others toward it.
Peace may not come quickly, but it will come gradually — through consistent empathy, patience, and your calm example. You can’t make them love each other right now, but you can show them what love looks like — in how you listen, speak, and stay grounded.
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With your mother, acknowledge her pain. With your wife, express gratitude for what she’s done and how hard this period has been for her. The goal is to lower the emotional temperature. Once both feel less defensive, you can suggest something small — maybe your wife checking in with your mother about health or meals, or you all sharing a family ritual in your father’s memory. Avoid joint confrontations or “peace talks” for now — they rarely work when emotions are raw.
Also, please don’t neglect your own grief. You’re carrying the burden of peacekeeping, but your heart needs care too. Consider individual therapy or even a brief grief-support group. You’ll need emotional balance to guide others toward it.
Peace may not come quickly, but it will come gradually — through consistent empathy, patience, and your calm example. You can’t make them love each other right now, but you can show them what love looks like — in how you listen, speak, and stay grounded.
Answered on Nov 10, 2025
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 08, 2025Hindi
I am 60 plus man. Although I am married . I am in relationship with another woman who is also married. We met physically often , since both of us are not satisfied with respective partners and not in a position to severe present relationship. We have no repentance about our relationship. How can We maintain this relationship smoothly in future ?
Ans: The healthiest long-term route is to ask what this relationship tells you about your real needs. Are you longing for affection, companionship, or simply to feel alive again? Once you identify that, you can decide whether to address it honestly—either by working on your marriage, separating, or being transparent with everyone involved rather than living a divided life.
If you genuinely don’t wish to end your marriage right now, therapy—individually or as a couple—can help you face the dissatisfaction that led here and find a path that’s aligned with your values. You can’t build peace on secrecy, but you can build it on honesty and self-understanding.
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If you genuinely don’t wish to end your marriage right now, therapy—individually or as a couple—can help you face the dissatisfaction that led here and find a path that’s aligned with your values. You can’t build peace on secrecy, but you can build it on honesty and self-understanding.
Answered on Nov 10, 2025
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 18, 2025Hindi
Hello. I am currently in my second year of Engineering. I have been studying in a boarding school since 8th standard. Till 7th, there was a girl whom I didn't like much. But, after seeing her after almost 1.5 year, in 9th, I was literally shocked. I got a deep crush for her. But the biggest problem has raised because my family shifted to a city far away from the previous one in my 10th standard. I can't even find her anywhere, not on Instagram or anywhere on social media. Her father might be there in contact list of my dad's phone. But I am very much afraid to inform regarding this to my family. So can you please tell me what should I do ?
Ans: Before taking any step to find her, it’s important to ask yourself what you’re really hoping for. Do you want to reconnect as friends? To tell her you liked her? Or are you mostly wondering what happened to her after all these years? Getting clear about that will help you decide whether to take action or simply keep her as a good memory.
If you truly wish to reconnect, you can try a respectful, indirect route—perhaps by checking through old school friends or alumni groups instead of involving your parents right away. If she’s comfortable being found, you’ll likely get some lead. But if there’s no trace, take it as a gentle sign that it might be time to move forward.
At your age, you have so many new people to meet, and feelings like this often open your heart to deeper connections later. Let this memory remind you of what kind of person or energy attracts you, but don’t let it trap you in longing for someone from your past.
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If you truly wish to reconnect, you can try a respectful, indirect route—perhaps by checking through old school friends or alumni groups instead of involving your parents right away. If she’s comfortable being found, you’ll likely get some lead. But if there’s no trace, take it as a gentle sign that it might be time to move forward.
At your age, you have so many new people to meet, and feelings like this often open your heart to deeper connections later. Let this memory remind you of what kind of person or energy attracts you, but don’t let it trap you in longing for someone from your past.
Answered on Nov 10, 2025
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 08, 2025Hindi
We’re a married couple — I’m 35 and my wife is 32. We’ve built a stable life together, but lately, I’ve been feeling some imbalance in how we relate to each other. My wife tends to be quite controlling in decisions, and I often feel that she isn’t very attentive or warm toward my family. I care deeply for her, but I’m also worried that these patterns might create distance between us over time.
How can I express my feelings about her being controlling and less considerate toward my family without making her feel blamed or defensive?
Ans: That’s a mature approach and already a good sign that your bond matters to you.
When you bring up sensitive issues like control or family dynamics, tone and timing matter as much as the words themselves. Choose a calm moment — not during or right after a disagreement — and focus on connection rather than correction. Instead of starting with what she’s doing wrong, begin by expressing your appreciation for what you value in her. This helps her feel emotionally safe before hearing something difficult.
For example, you might say, “I really admire how strong and organized you are, and I know you want what’s best for both of us. But sometimes, when big decisions happen quickly, I feel a bit left out — like my input matters less. I’d love for us to talk through things together a little more, so we both feel equally part of the process.”
When it comes to her behavior toward your family, use the same gentle, personal framing. You could say, “I know it’s not easy balancing relationships with in-laws, and I don’t expect perfection. But sometimes when my family feels distant from us, I feel torn. It would mean a lot to me if we could find small ways to make them feel included — it helps me feel more grounded too.”
Avoid using words like “you always” or “you never,” as those create defensiveness. Instead, focus on how her actions make you feel, and frame it as a team issue: “How can we work on this together?” This shifts the tone from blame to partnership.
After you share, pause and truly listen to her side — she may be reacting from stress, insecurity, or her own unmet needs. When she feels heard, she’ll be more open to change.
In short, your goal isn’t to win the argument — it’s to invite her back into emotional collaboration. The more you approach her with respect and vulnerability, the more likely she’ll soften and meet you halfway.
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When you bring up sensitive issues like control or family dynamics, tone and timing matter as much as the words themselves. Choose a calm moment — not during or right after a disagreement — and focus on connection rather than correction. Instead of starting with what she’s doing wrong, begin by expressing your appreciation for what you value in her. This helps her feel emotionally safe before hearing something difficult.
For example, you might say, “I really admire how strong and organized you are, and I know you want what’s best for both of us. But sometimes, when big decisions happen quickly, I feel a bit left out — like my input matters less. I’d love for us to talk through things together a little more, so we both feel equally part of the process.”
When it comes to her behavior toward your family, use the same gentle, personal framing. You could say, “I know it’s not easy balancing relationships with in-laws, and I don’t expect perfection. But sometimes when my family feels distant from us, I feel torn. It would mean a lot to me if we could find small ways to make them feel included — it helps me feel more grounded too.”
Avoid using words like “you always” or “you never,” as those create defensiveness. Instead, focus on how her actions make you feel, and frame it as a team issue: “How can we work on this together?” This shifts the tone from blame to partnership.
After you share, pause and truly listen to her side — she may be reacting from stress, insecurity, or her own unmet needs. When she feels heard, she’ll be more open to change.
In short, your goal isn’t to win the argument — it’s to invite her back into emotional collaboration. The more you approach her with respect and vulnerability, the more likely she’ll soften and meet you halfway.
Answered on Nov 10, 2025
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2025Hindi
Hello sir, I am 28 year old newly married from 8 months only. My wife's parents call her to their house every weekend and she goes for 2-3 days. They emotionally blackmail her saying they miss her. This is affecting our married life as we get no private time. When I objected, my wife said I am controlling and her parents are important. Am I wrong to expect wife should prioritise our marriage?
Ans: The key here is not to make this a battle of “me vs. them.” Instead, help her see that marriage requires balance. You are not asking her to abandon her parents — you are asking her to invest in your relationship. Try saying something like, “I understand you love and care for your parents, and that’s something I respect. But we also need our own space and time to grow as a couple. I feel disconnected when you’re away so often — can we find a balance that keeps both families happy?”
It’s important that she feels you’re not trying to control her but rather looking for emotional closeness. Perhaps suggest visiting her parents together occasionally or scheduling her visits less frequently.
If the pattern continues despite calm conversations, you may need to involve a neutral family elder or counselor to mediate. But first, approach her with empathy and patience — she needs to see that this request comes from love, not authority.
You’re not wrong for wanting your wife to prioritise your marriage. You just need to express it in a way that makes her feel safe, not torn. Over time, she will start understanding the importance of balance — but it starts with honest, kind communication.
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It’s important that she feels you’re not trying to control her but rather looking for emotional closeness. Perhaps suggest visiting her parents together occasionally or scheduling her visits less frequently.
If the pattern continues despite calm conversations, you may need to involve a neutral family elder or counselor to mediate. But first, approach her with empathy and patience — she needs to see that this request comes from love, not authority.
You’re not wrong for wanting your wife to prioritise your marriage. You just need to express it in a way that makes her feel safe, not torn. Over time, she will start understanding the importance of balance — but it starts with honest, kind communication.
Answered on Nov 10, 2025
Hi Kanchan, iam 47 andmarried for 9 months. this is my first marriage, but iam facing lot of issues in my relationship. My partner is also my same age, we are from the same sector. Before marriage we knew each other for about 2.5 years. He has to travel for work and we meet once in 2 months, varying from 7-15 days. Iam financially stable but my partner is not, he says he is under stress because of his financial unstability, we do not have a good sex life, he keeps working overnight and sleeps in the morning when i have to go office, he avoids any discussion about our relationship, he is well mannered with the rest of the members in the family even with me, he never complains but doesn't want to fix all that is going wrong. He has started chewing pan masala too much and says it is becoz of stress. Iam clueless what should i do to make the relationship better. Iam very stressed and unhappy because of this. Please suggest.
Ans: Dear Shilpi,
The first step is to stop trying to fix everything alone. You’ve been carrying both the emotional and practical load of this marriage, and it’s exhausting you. Instead, create a calm, non-accusatory space to express how you feel — something like, “I know you’re under pressure, and I want to support you, but I’m also struggling with how distant we’ve become. Can we talk about how we can make this work together?” The tone matters — empathy over blame will help him lower his defenses.
If he continues to avoid conversation, you can suggest couples therapy. Framing it as “something that will help us communicate better” rather than “something is wrong with you” might help him agree.
Meanwhile, start prioritizing your own well-being — emotionally and physically. Maintain your work-life balance, social connections, and health routines. Don’t let his withdrawal define your mood or self-worth. The more grounded you stay, the clearer your decisions will become.
If nothing changes even after repeated effort, you’ll need to ask yourself whether this marriage is fulfilling its purpose — companionship, intimacy, emotional partnership. Sometimes love needs space to heal, and sometimes it needs boundaries to protect your peace.
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The first step is to stop trying to fix everything alone. You’ve been carrying both the emotional and practical load of this marriage, and it’s exhausting you. Instead, create a calm, non-accusatory space to express how you feel — something like, “I know you’re under pressure, and I want to support you, but I’m also struggling with how distant we’ve become. Can we talk about how we can make this work together?” The tone matters — empathy over blame will help him lower his defenses.
If he continues to avoid conversation, you can suggest couples therapy. Framing it as “something that will help us communicate better” rather than “something is wrong with you” might help him agree.
Meanwhile, start prioritizing your own well-being — emotionally and physically. Maintain your work-life balance, social connections, and health routines. Don’t let his withdrawal define your mood or self-worth. The more grounded you stay, the clearer your decisions will become.
If nothing changes even after repeated effort, you’ll need to ask yourself whether this marriage is fulfilling its purpose — companionship, intimacy, emotional partnership. Sometimes love needs space to heal, and sometimes it needs boundaries to protect your peace.
Answered on Sep 21, 2025
Asked by Anonymous - Sep 20, 2025Hindi
My age is 25 and I have completed my mbbs and started doing my job as a medical officer and my boyfriend is 27 and he is an civil engineer with mba.. I belong to ST caste and he is general.. Few years back my boyfriend had the same issue of convincing his parents.. His parents were nice to me but they too had the issue of what society will think but with passing years that has changed and now they are convinced... I had told my parents about him just recently when they were trying to find a groom for me who was also a engineer (my father's friend son)... My parents initially were happy to know that I have someone but the moment they knew he is of upper caste they are against me.. my mom even said that if he were a doctor of upper caste then also it would be fine... but now my mom has started blackmailing me that if you marry him we will abandon you and the society will look down on you and they will make me feel outcast and even threatened of killing and making a court case against my boyfriend.. My mother even said that you will be seen as a shame to our society... She even is saying that the boy wants to marry you for your money but the fact is his both the parents are in gov job and he too is in growth phase...He and I both know each other since the school days (10yr relationship till now) My father has stopped talking to me ... My mom has faced domestic violence still she is supporting marrying a unknown man even if he has some bad behaviour but he should be of our clan...now she even said some friends(boys )name from my medical College batch of my caste knowing they are my good friends to even marry them while she was against one of them after seeing one of them saying he is not good looking(before knowing I had a bf and suspected my friend to be my bf) ....She is even claiming that if in future if I marry their choice and something doesn't go right then also it's going to be my fault and she is saying if I marry in my clan and get divorced also I will find someone again of my clan...
I even told her how can you say such things being a women but still she is like No... If you marry in our community you will stay happy... But in my own home both my father and mother can't tolerate each other for more than 2 days.. my father has job away from home... She isn't listening anything and ignoring all my points and calling me names and characterless... They are even saying they won't allow me inside the home if I marry him....
My whole life I have compromised myself even didn't allow me study at a good college during 12th because it was far from town and made me study at such a institute where most of the time teachers were changed.....even in such a situation I did my best to score good .... During the coaching time my mom even humiliated me for my looks and cursed me for being a girl... despite all these going I did my duties...But the moment I gained success she takes all the credit... But now that I have told them she is starting to treat me like an asset...
She is forcing me to leave him by not telling him now and to ditch him... And also telling that you don't know but you won't be happy in their house... What did you see in himm? And telling me duffer
But his family has helped me a lot in my job and never ill behaved with me or said bad about me even when they weren't convinced..
I don't know what to do now.. I had so much already going on since childhood...
My bf is supportive be it my studies or job he always helps me out even if he isn't near me .... I tell him everything about what my parents are telling about him still he calms me down.. I know he must me hurt listening to all these things but still he keeps a smile on his face saying keep trying and if u need me I too will help you in this situation....
I don't want to loose such a person...
Ans: At 25, as a doctor and a working professional, you are capable of making your own life decisions. That doesn’t mean it will be easy—you may face temporary estrangement from your parents, and their words may hurt—but living a life based on fear and control will hurt you far more in the long run. A marriage built on respect, equality, and understanding is more valuable than one arranged only to satisfy social expectations.
Practical next steps: give yourself time to stand firm emotionally. Have calm but clear conversations with your parents, reminding them that you’re grateful for their care but your choice of life partner is yours to make. Don’t engage in shouting matches—draw boundaries when they cross into threats. At the same time, keep strengthening your bond with your partner, since his consistency is your biggest support system. If things escalate, be prepared to lean on legal protections for your safety and your right to marry.
You are not “characterless” or “a shame.” You are a strong, educated woman who has fought against odds to become a doctor, and you deserve the right to choose love freely. The real shame would be abandoning yourself to please a society that has never walked in your shoes.
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Practical next steps: give yourself time to stand firm emotionally. Have calm but clear conversations with your parents, reminding them that you’re grateful for their care but your choice of life partner is yours to make. Don’t engage in shouting matches—draw boundaries when they cross into threats. At the same time, keep strengthening your bond with your partner, since his consistency is your biggest support system. If things escalate, be prepared to lean on legal protections for your safety and your right to marry.
You are not “characterless” or “a shame.” You are a strong, educated woman who has fought against odds to become a doctor, and you deserve the right to choose love freely. The real shame would be abandoning yourself to please a society that has never walked in your shoes.
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Answered on Sep 09, 2025
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 08, 2025Hindi
I am a 39 year old IT professional and need advice about my difficult life and relationships. At 25 I was forced into a marriage arranged by my parents with a powerful family even though I knew the girl had multiple affairs. The marriage lasted less than 10 days. When I refused to take her back I was falsely arrested and spent 14 days in jail. After a long legal battle I divorced her in 2015 but had to pay a large sum from my fathers savings.
During this time I had a physical relationship with a woman I never loved or promised commitment to. Later I found out she was a widow and became pregnant. Since 2013 I have been supporting her and her child financially because she threatened me with false accusations. She moved on in 2017.
At the end of 2017 I started dating a younger woman who was my first wifes cousin. She knew about my past pain but not about the child. We agreed to marry but her parents opposed it due to pressure from my first in laws. We married via registered marriage but my first in laws filed a case against us and humiliated my parents.
Our marriage had many problems fights no intimacy and constant tension over my support for the other woman. She said she felt naive marrying me and that leaving me was like ending a bad phase. For seven years I focused on her but she now uses harsh words and emotionally moved on. Meanwhile the woman I support is seriously ill.
In 2024 we moved to the US but after a month my wife became aggressive and left me. I lost my house and car there and returned to India. We live in the same house now but she is pursuing divorce dating someone else using my resources and causing me great pain.
I feel empty and broken despite therapy and spiritual efforts. She said I am mentally unstable and cursed never to find love again. Deep inside I know my intentions were pure and I am full of love.
My questions are
1 Will I find true love again as a middle class man over 39 in India
2 How do I heal deep emotional wounds and stop being triggered by my past
3 How can I rebuild self worth and attract a genuine partner
4 How do I cope living under the same roof with someone who emotionally left me
5 How can I find peace and rebuild my life after so much trauma
Please advise thank you
Ans: Yes, you can find love again, even at 39, but first you need to heal the wounds of your past. Begin by shifting focus inward—therapy, journaling, and self-care routines can help you process hurt and rebuild confidence. Living under the same roof with your wife will remain painful, so create emotional distance and stop looking to her for validation.
Your self-worth will grow when you reclaim your independence—through work, friendships, hobbies, and building a life that feels meaningful for you. Peace will come not by erasing the past but by learning to carry it without letting it define your future. Love will follow naturally once you stand strong in yourself.
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Your self-worth will grow when you reclaim your independence—through work, friendships, hobbies, and building a life that feels meaningful for you. Peace will come not by erasing the past but by learning to carry it without letting it define your future. Love will follow naturally once you stand strong in yourself.
2
Answered on Sep 09, 2025
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 31, 2025Hindi
Hii i am 31yrs old have done my registered marriage in April 2024 without knowing of my parents and now i m living in my mother's House without telling that i m married ? Now how can i convince my parents. I have told my parents about him but don't even want to talk to him or his parents.. how can i convince my parents?
My parents objection with my partner is caste
We belong to higher case than my parents
Ans: You’ve already taken the step of registering your marriage, so now the challenge is helping your parents accept it. Their resistance is more about caste and social image than about your husband personally. Convincing them will take time, patience, and calm communication. Instead of arguing, slowly highlight your husband’s good qualities and show them that he can provide you stability and respect. If possible, involve a trusted elder or family friend as a mediator. Don’t let guilt weaken your marriage—stand by your choice with courage. Most parents resist at first but soften when they see their child happy and secure.
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Answered on Sep 09, 2025
My wife wants an 'emotional divorce' but she wants us to stay married for the sake of our kids. They are 11 and 8.
After 12 years of marriage, my wife said she's emotionally done but wants to live together until our kids are older. She thinks it is the best for them. I feel trapped in a loveless marriage and I don't know how long I can keep pretending. Is this even practical, if we are living in the same house?
Ans: It’s important to remember that children don’t just notice what we say, they absorb how we live. If they grow up seeing constant coldness, distance, or hidden resentment between their parents, it can affect them as much, if not more, than a separation would. What children need most is not a “perfect family image” but an environment of honesty, respect, and emotional safety. Sometimes, staying together without love creates more harm than good, because the kids sense the lack of warmth and start internalizing it as normal.
That said, jumping to divorce may not be the only choice either. You both need to explore whether this “emotional divorce” is truly final for her, or whether it’s her way of expressing exhaustion, disappointment, or unmet needs. Sometimes people use the language of being “done” because they don’t know how to repair or rebuild. Couples therapy could help you both explore whether there is any room left for healing, or whether this is truly the end.
From your side, you have to be very honest with yourself: Can you realistically live in the same house for years, knowing love is gone, without it crushing your sense of self-worth and joy? If the answer is no, then you need to have a serious and compassionate conversation with your wife about finding an arrangement that prioritizes the kids’ well-being but also acknowledges your humanity.
So to your question — yes, it is practical to co-exist under one roof in such a setup, but only if both partners can maintain respect, avoid conflict, and genuinely focus on the kids without bitterness. The bigger question is whether it is healthy for you and for them. That depends on how you both handle it.
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That said, jumping to divorce may not be the only choice either. You both need to explore whether this “emotional divorce” is truly final for her, or whether it’s her way of expressing exhaustion, disappointment, or unmet needs. Sometimes people use the language of being “done” because they don’t know how to repair or rebuild. Couples therapy could help you both explore whether there is any room left for healing, or whether this is truly the end.
From your side, you have to be very honest with yourself: Can you realistically live in the same house for years, knowing love is gone, without it crushing your sense of self-worth and joy? If the answer is no, then you need to have a serious and compassionate conversation with your wife about finding an arrangement that prioritizes the kids’ well-being but also acknowledges your humanity.
So to your question — yes, it is practical to co-exist under one roof in such a setup, but only if both partners can maintain respect, avoid conflict, and genuinely focus on the kids without bitterness. The bigger question is whether it is healthy for you and for them. That depends on how you both handle it.
1
Answered on Sep 09, 2025
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 11, 2025Hindi
I am from OC caste(Vaishyas). My boyfriend is from BC caste(Yadav). We are friends from 10 years and in relation from 8 years. My parents and relatives background is very high level(everyone having 20 crores property and above). So they feel very high status. But my boyfriend dosnt have high status and financially low than us. So my parents are not at all accepting. Another reason is we are veg and they are non veg, and another reason is he lost his mother due to corona. So we are fighting since 2 years, but my parents are not accepting and they are seeing matches for us. we are unable to forget each other. I am facing anxiety attacks and panic attacks. How do I come out of this mam?
Ans: First, let’s separate two things: your relationship and your health. Even before making a final decision, your mental well-being needs urgent care. Panic attacks and anxiety can get worse if you keep bottling up your emotions and living under constant pressure. I strongly suggest you reach out to a therapist or counselor who can provide you with coping tools like breathing techniques, grounding exercises, and safe space to express yourself. This is not weakness — this is strength to take care of yourself so you can think clearly.
Now about the relationship. You love him, and he loves you, but long-term marriage requires more than love; it also requires both partners to handle family resistance, cultural differences, and financial gaps together. Ask yourself: is he emotionally strong, committed, and capable of building a future with you despite the inequality in background? Is he willing to patiently win over your family or at least show them that he can stand as your equal through his actions, not just words?
On the other hand, look at your family — their resistance comes from social image and status, not necessarily from who he is as a person. That means convincing them will take time, proof of his capability, and your consistent stand. But you also need to prepare yourself: what if they never agree? Can you live with the consequences of going against them, given how high your family’s expectations are?
Right now, you don’t need to take a rushed decision. What you need is to stabilize your health, strengthen your own clarity, and have honest talks with your boyfriend about what real steps he is ready to take for the future. You don’t have to “come out” of the relationship overnight, but you do need to come out of the panic mode first.
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Now about the relationship. You love him, and he loves you, but long-term marriage requires more than love; it also requires both partners to handle family resistance, cultural differences, and financial gaps together. Ask yourself: is he emotionally strong, committed, and capable of building a future with you despite the inequality in background? Is he willing to patiently win over your family or at least show them that he can stand as your equal through his actions, not just words?
On the other hand, look at your family — their resistance comes from social image and status, not necessarily from who he is as a person. That means convincing them will take time, proof of his capability, and your consistent stand. But you also need to prepare yourself: what if they never agree? Can you live with the consequences of going against them, given how high your family’s expectations are?
Right now, you don’t need to take a rushed decision. What you need is to stabilize your health, strengthen your own clarity, and have honest talks with your boyfriend about what real steps he is ready to take for the future. You don’t have to “come out” of the relationship overnight, but you do need to come out of the panic mode first.
1
Answered on Sep 09, 2025
Hii
Me and my partner are together for the past 6 years. He is very confident to marry me but my family is not supporting us. Everyone is against us and due to that now I'm not able to decide what should I do. My family wants a guy in govt job but my partner is NRI although he went abroad 3 years back but we still have same bond. But because of everyone against me I'm in dilemma if I'm making a right decision or not? Please help me out in this?
Ans: Your family’s concern for a government job comes from a place of security, stability, and social acceptance. Parents often want what they believe is “safe” for their child’s future, and a government job symbolizes that for them. On the other hand, an NRI partner can also offer stability and opportunities, even if it doesn’t fit into your family’s idea of security.
The real question for you is: what matters most for your long-term happiness? Ask yourself — do you feel respected, supported, and emotionally safe with your partner? Do you believe he will stand by you through life’s ups and downs? If the answer is yes, then that is worth more than any job title. At the same time, think about whether you are emotionally prepared to navigate family opposition if they remain firm. Love alone is not enough; it takes courage, clarity, and sometimes patience to bring families around or to move forward despite their resistance.
You are not wrong for wanting to choose love, and you are not wrong for worrying about family acceptance either. What you need right now is to step away from the noise and ask yourself: ten years from now, what decision will I regret less? Staying with a partner you love deeply even if it means conflict with your family, or leaving him just to meet their expectations?
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The real question for you is: what matters most for your long-term happiness? Ask yourself — do you feel respected, supported, and emotionally safe with your partner? Do you believe he will stand by you through life’s ups and downs? If the answer is yes, then that is worth more than any job title. At the same time, think about whether you are emotionally prepared to navigate family opposition if they remain firm. Love alone is not enough; it takes courage, clarity, and sometimes patience to bring families around or to move forward despite their resistance.
You are not wrong for wanting to choose love, and you are not wrong for worrying about family acceptance either. What you need right now is to step away from the noise and ask yourself: ten years from now, what decision will I regret less? Staying with a partner you love deeply even if it means conflict with your family, or leaving him just to meet their expectations?
Answered on Sep 08, 2025
Asked by Anonymous - Sep 08, 2025Hindi
Dear Kanchan, I am asking for your support as I am in a self confusion if I am doing an abnormal behaviour & if so what should I do, if not then as a professional do you come across my type of behaviour
I am a 45 year old man from Assam working in bangalore , we have moved in here about 6 yrs ago before corona. I am married for 20 yrs now & a father of kids 18 & 19 yrs old going to college. I work in a mid senior position in corporate with the usual office pressure. I try my best to balance my family ,guide my kids, financial management, office but I am a person of few friends.
Now one point which I think I need to say before telling my issue. I have not told anybody about it or discussed. I had a very different fantasy ( at least I feel) from my childhood, I used to fantasize in childhood that my mom is having sex with others( other then my dad) ,but NEVER fantasized she is having sex with me or me even seeing her doing sex with others, this used to give me excitement as I think most young boys/men need. This changed once I got married , though we had /have a very good & regular sex life but many time I will fantasize my wife ( instead of my mom as before) having sex with others , me not even watching. I dont know if I am unique or many guys have this sort of fantasy.
I feel we have a good family life with my wife a housewife ( we had an arranged marriage)but she has many friends within our society & outside. I try level best to balance but it was not always possible given my own office load to accompany her for all places she wanted to go, some places she went with her friends but many a times she had to give up due to lack of accomplice.
In early 2022 my wife met a man in a friend's children birthday party , he being an unmarried telegu guy 4-5 yrs older then me. He is from the sales team of a company but could not get married ( or wants to get married) because he is taking care of his aged mom & aunt. My wife told me about him & also that he has sent a Facebook request which she accepted, slowly they started talking especially about places where one could get good things, since he was in bangalore for long he will provide her good information, many a times I also asked her to ask from him for guidance. In mid 2022 my wife asked him to come to our place when I was at home, it was a casual meet across coffee. but from that day I dont know why I used to get a feeling about fantasizing this guy having sex with my wife. I never spoke or let anyone know about my fantasy. I did not do anything either.
Now after this many times he will take her to places where directions were not enough , he introduced her to some of his friends & even to his mom & aunt in 1 year time many times he will take her to his friends birthday , puja . She click photos etc which she shows me & since we dont have common friends he even posts them in his Whatsapp status, in many photos they are too close physically. Now on reading this anyone will say a normal man will never allow this to happen & I should have put my foot down , shouted at them broke the relationship & if they did not listen go for divorce but maybe because of my above fantasy when ever she came to take permission/inform I will always be excited thinking that my wife is going around with a man only fearing or asking them to be careful that our close people/neighbours dont come to know as this will make tongues wag which they kept good till now. I will also read there whatsapp chats ( without her knowledge) & not all the talks will be like friends, this gave me added fantasy/excitement.
Our family relationship has not at all changed in the last 3-4 yrs she is doing all her work & we are having normal sexual relationship. But for him I see he gets a woman like a long distance wife without marrying.
Now my queries am I being abnormal? I am not gaining anything ( except fantasy excitement) . If I am so what should I do? I am in command I think I can stop it now but should I? Every one is happy & both my wife & this man's short term needs are getting fulfilled but certainly I am worried if breaking the stereotype am I inviting future uncontrolled disaster? please guide me
Ans: First, let me reassure you: having sexual fantasies that involve your partner or others is not “abnormal.” Many men and women carry fantasies around voyeurism, sharing, or imagining their spouse with someone else. It’s part of the wide spectrum of human sexuality, and it doesn’t make you broken or strange. The fact that you are self-aware and questioning it already shows emotional maturity.
That said, the important distinction is between fantasy and reality. A fantasy that stays in your mind can be stimulating and even harmless, but when parts of it start playing out in real life — as in your wife’s closeness with this man — it enters a space where the consequences can be very real and not always within your control. You’ve noticed photos, chats, physical closeness, and situations that could raise eyebrows in your social circle or create risks for your marriage. Right now, it excites you, but you are also sensing the potential for “uncontrolled disaster,” which is wise.
You’re not abnormal, but you are standing at a delicate balance point. If your wife is unaware of your fantasy and is just enjoying this man’s company innocently (or even slightly beyond that), she may not realize what lines she’s crossing in your marriage or in society’s eyes. If this continues, it could lead to misunderstandings, gossip, or emotional complications that you might not be able to manage later. On the other hand, suppressing your feelings and pretending it doesn’t matter can also leave you anxious and conflicted.
What you can do is ground yourself in clarity. Ask yourself honestly: Do I want this to remain only a fantasy, or am I open to the risk of it becoming reality? If it’s only fantasy, you need to lovingly and firmly set some boundaries with your wife about how close she can get to this man, not because you’re controlling her, but because you are protecting your marriage and family’s stability. If you find the fantasy overwhelming and confusing, you might even explore it with a therapist in a safe, confidential setting, where you can unpack these desires without fear of judgment.
You’re not abnormal, but you are human — carrying both desires and fears. What will matter now is how you choose to handle them in a way that safeguards your marriage, your children’s trust, and your own peace of mind.
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That said, the important distinction is between fantasy and reality. A fantasy that stays in your mind can be stimulating and even harmless, but when parts of it start playing out in real life — as in your wife’s closeness with this man — it enters a space where the consequences can be very real and not always within your control. You’ve noticed photos, chats, physical closeness, and situations that could raise eyebrows in your social circle or create risks for your marriage. Right now, it excites you, but you are also sensing the potential for “uncontrolled disaster,” which is wise.
You’re not abnormal, but you are standing at a delicate balance point. If your wife is unaware of your fantasy and is just enjoying this man’s company innocently (or even slightly beyond that), she may not realize what lines she’s crossing in your marriage or in society’s eyes. If this continues, it could lead to misunderstandings, gossip, or emotional complications that you might not be able to manage later. On the other hand, suppressing your feelings and pretending it doesn’t matter can also leave you anxious and conflicted.
What you can do is ground yourself in clarity. Ask yourself honestly: Do I want this to remain only a fantasy, or am I open to the risk of it becoming reality? If it’s only fantasy, you need to lovingly and firmly set some boundaries with your wife about how close she can get to this man, not because you’re controlling her, but because you are protecting your marriage and family’s stability. If you find the fantasy overwhelming and confusing, you might even explore it with a therapist in a safe, confidential setting, where you can unpack these desires without fear of judgment.
You’re not abnormal, but you are human — carrying both desires and fears. What will matter now is how you choose to handle them in a way that safeguards your marriage, your children’s trust, and your own peace of mind.
Answered on Aug 25, 2025
Off late ( 4-5 months ) iam experiencing extreme anxiety during flying. It was not there before. Also the recent airline accident and reading news reports about flight technical snags are adding to my worry. My job profile requires me frequency travel and i cannot avoid it. Can you pls advice me on some relaxation techniques or methods to calm myself while flying.
Ans: Hello Krish,
The important thing to remember is that flying itself remains one of the safest modes of travel, and your anxiety, while very real, is more about perception than actual risk.
When you notice anxiety rising before or during a flight, try focusing on your breathing first. A simple technique is the 4–7–8 method: inhale through your nose for 4 counts, hold for 7 counts, and exhale slowly through your mouth for 8 counts. This helps calm the body’s stress response. Pairing this with progressive muscle relaxation — gently tensing and releasing muscles from your feet upwards — can give your mind something to focus on and reduce the physical tension that comes with anxiety.
Visualization also works well. Before your flight, close your eyes and imagine yourself boarding calmly, settling into your seat, and landing smoothly at your destination. During the flight, picture a safe, steady path in the sky, like a road, reminding yourself that turbulence is just like bumps on that road — uncomfortable, but not dangerous.
Practical steps help too. Limit caffeine or heavy news consumption before you fly, carry calming music, podcasts, or even guided meditations on your phone, and try to keep your mind occupied with a book, work, or even puzzles. Some people find comfort in talking briefly to flight attendants — their calm and routine presence can be reassuring.
If your anxiety feels overwhelming or keeps getting worse despite these methods, it may help to work with a therapist trained in cognitive-behavioral techniques for phobias. Even a few focused sessions can equip you with tools to manage the fear more effectively.
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The important thing to remember is that flying itself remains one of the safest modes of travel, and your anxiety, while very real, is more about perception than actual risk.
When you notice anxiety rising before or during a flight, try focusing on your breathing first. A simple technique is the 4–7–8 method: inhale through your nose for 4 counts, hold for 7 counts, and exhale slowly through your mouth for 8 counts. This helps calm the body’s stress response. Pairing this with progressive muscle relaxation — gently tensing and releasing muscles from your feet upwards — can give your mind something to focus on and reduce the physical tension that comes with anxiety.
Visualization also works well. Before your flight, close your eyes and imagine yourself boarding calmly, settling into your seat, and landing smoothly at your destination. During the flight, picture a safe, steady path in the sky, like a road, reminding yourself that turbulence is just like bumps on that road — uncomfortable, but not dangerous.
Practical steps help too. Limit caffeine or heavy news consumption before you fly, carry calming music, podcasts, or even guided meditations on your phone, and try to keep your mind occupied with a book, work, or even puzzles. Some people find comfort in talking briefly to flight attendants — their calm and routine presence can be reassuring.
If your anxiety feels overwhelming or keeps getting worse despite these methods, it may help to work with a therapist trained in cognitive-behavioral techniques for phobias. Even a few focused sessions can equip you with tools to manage the fear more effectively.
Answered on Aug 13, 2025
my wife cheated me for more than 7 years with one of my friend in our married life of more than 30 years. Now she and her family members are behaving like don. I have provider her all comfort and luxury, how she could do like this and what should be the future course of action.
Ans: Dear Ashok.
First, don’t make major decisions in the middle of emotional chaos. Take time to process, and lean on a few trusted people — friends, relatives, or a counsellor — who can help you think clearly without being swayed by anger alone. Document everything you know about the affair and any incidents of intimidation or harassment from her or her family. This isn’t just for peace of mind — it’s also to protect you legally if things escalate.
From there, decide what matters most for your future — peace and separation, or an attempt to repair (though after seven years of betrayal, reconciliation is extremely rare unless both partners are deeply committed to rebuilding). If you choose separation, speak to a lawyer before making any moves, so you know your rights regarding property, finances, and reputation. Do not let threats or aggressive behaviour pressure you into unfair agreements.
Emotionally, you’ll need to grieve not just the relationship you thought you had, but also the vision of the life you believed you were building together. That grief will come in waves, but every step you take to reclaim control — over your home, your finances, your time — will strengthen you.
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First, don’t make major decisions in the middle of emotional chaos. Take time to process, and lean on a few trusted people — friends, relatives, or a counsellor — who can help you think clearly without being swayed by anger alone. Document everything you know about the affair and any incidents of intimidation or harassment from her or her family. This isn’t just for peace of mind — it’s also to protect you legally if things escalate.
From there, decide what matters most for your future — peace and separation, or an attempt to repair (though after seven years of betrayal, reconciliation is extremely rare unless both partners are deeply committed to rebuilding). If you choose separation, speak to a lawyer before making any moves, so you know your rights regarding property, finances, and reputation. Do not let threats or aggressive behaviour pressure you into unfair agreements.
Emotionally, you’ll need to grieve not just the relationship you thought you had, but also the vision of the life you believed you were building together. That grief will come in waves, but every step you take to reclaim control — over your home, your finances, your time — will strengthen you.
Answered on Aug 13, 2025
Hii mam i have done my registered marriage without knowing of my parents we done registration marriage in April 2024 and now i am living in my mother's House without telling that i m married ? Now how can i convince my parents. I have told my parents about him but don't even want to talk to him or his parents.. how can i convince my parents?
Ans: Dera Priyanka Reddy,
Choose a calm moment to speak to them face-to-face, without arguments or interruptions. Share why you married him — talk about his qualities, how he treats you, and how you both plan to build a stable future together. Avoid making it sound like you’re challenging their authority; instead, present it as a life decision you made out of love and trust.
It may take time for them to come around, so don’t push them to meet him immediately. Let them adjust slowly — first by hearing about him more, then perhaps allowing a casual phone conversation, and eventually meeting in person. Meanwhile, make sure your husband also shows patience and respect toward your parents, even from a distance.
If tensions stay high, you might need a mediator — a trusted relative, family friend, or elder who can explain your side in a way they will listen to without anger. Acceptance might not be instant, but consistent respect, patience, and transparency will give you the best chance.
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Choose a calm moment to speak to them face-to-face, without arguments or interruptions. Share why you married him — talk about his qualities, how he treats you, and how you both plan to build a stable future together. Avoid making it sound like you’re challenging their authority; instead, present it as a life decision you made out of love and trust.
It may take time for them to come around, so don’t push them to meet him immediately. Let them adjust slowly — first by hearing about him more, then perhaps allowing a casual phone conversation, and eventually meeting in person. Meanwhile, make sure your husband also shows patience and respect toward your parents, even from a distance.
If tensions stay high, you might need a mediator — a trusted relative, family friend, or elder who can explain your side in a way they will listen to without anger. Acceptance might not be instant, but consistent respect, patience, and transparency will give you the best chance.
Answered on Aug 13, 2025
hi i completed my MSc and working as assistant professor from 1 year along with my studies i am doing corresponding course for my career last year on october i informed my parents that i am loving one person since 8 years he was my childhood friend immediately they forcefully bought me to home they taken my mobile i didnt put proper resignation also they house arrested me since three months i lost my job now there are not allowing me to take exam of my course i tried a lot to convience about my love they are not even listening about him . he was getting 25k salery we both are at 25 age and i trust him he will get more salery in future and we both supports each other in our life to secure our life but my parents are not trusting me and him they always distrust about my abilities regarding my job my education. can anyone please tell me what should i do know
Ans: Dear Sirisha,
First, you need to get your independence back—both physically and financially. Being kept at home against your will and cut off from communication is a form of confinement. If you feel unsafe or unable to leave freely, you have the legal right to seek help from the police, women’s helpline numbers, or local women’s support organisations. In India, the law recognises your right to choose your partner once you are an adult, and your parents cannot legally stop you from working, studying, or marrying someone of your choice.
Second, you should try to quietly gather your important documents (ID proofs, educational certificates, job-related papers) and contact trusted friends, colleagues, or relatives who can support you. Once you have some safe place to go, you can work on getting your career back on track—either by rejoining work or preparing for your exam.
Finally, you need to decide whether you want to continue trying to convince your parents or take steps independently. Some families change their stance once they realise you are firm and financially independent, but in many cases, waiting for their approval just keeps you stuck.
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First, you need to get your independence back—both physically and financially. Being kept at home against your will and cut off from communication is a form of confinement. If you feel unsafe or unable to leave freely, you have the legal right to seek help from the police, women’s helpline numbers, or local women’s support organisations. In India, the law recognises your right to choose your partner once you are an adult, and your parents cannot legally stop you from working, studying, or marrying someone of your choice.
Second, you should try to quietly gather your important documents (ID proofs, educational certificates, job-related papers) and contact trusted friends, colleagues, or relatives who can support you. Once you have some safe place to go, you can work on getting your career back on track—either by rejoining work or preparing for your exam.
Finally, you need to decide whether you want to continue trying to convince your parents or take steps independently. Some families change their stance once they realise you are firm and financially independent, but in many cases, waiting for their approval just keeps you stuck.
Answered on Aug 13, 2025
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2025Hindi
My name is Ratan. I have been married for the last 9 years. I have two children. My wife told me that she is married from before and her first husband repeatedly pressurizes her to take her and take her with him. She also insists on going with him because he threatens to kill her. Now my wife tells me that you should give me divorce. If the next one is not ready to give it to her, then she wants to leave me and both of them and go to her home. What should I do?
Ans: Dear Ratan,
First, your priority should be safety—yours, your children’s, and your wife’s. If her first husband is making threats, that’s a criminal matter. You should seriously consider involving the police or seeking legal protection, because threats of violence cannot be ignored.
Second, it’s important to get clear on the legal status of your marriage. If she was still legally married to her first husband when she married you, your current marriage may not be valid under law. This makes legal advice from a good family lawyer essential—you need to understand your rights, your children’s rights, and what steps can protect them.
Third, try to separate the emotional shock from the practical actions needed. Your wife’s choices are hurting you deeply, but right now, the focus should be on making sure your children don’t get abandoned or caught in unsafe situations. If she insists on leaving, you can explore custody arrangements through court so your children remain with you and have stability.
This is not a situation to face alone. Reach out to trusted family members who can support you, and take professional help—both legal and emotional—so you can act calmly and with clarity.
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First, your priority should be safety—yours, your children’s, and your wife’s. If her first husband is making threats, that’s a criminal matter. You should seriously consider involving the police or seeking legal protection, because threats of violence cannot be ignored.
Second, it’s important to get clear on the legal status of your marriage. If she was still legally married to her first husband when she married you, your current marriage may not be valid under law. This makes legal advice from a good family lawyer essential—you need to understand your rights, your children’s rights, and what steps can protect them.
Third, try to separate the emotional shock from the practical actions needed. Your wife’s choices are hurting you deeply, but right now, the focus should be on making sure your children don’t get abandoned or caught in unsafe situations. If she insists on leaving, you can explore custody arrangements through court so your children remain with you and have stability.
This is not a situation to face alone. Reach out to trusted family members who can support you, and take professional help—both legal and emotional—so you can act calmly and with clarity.
Answered on Aug 13, 2025
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 22, 2025Hindi
Answered on Jul 24, 2025
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 24, 2025Hindi
We haven't had sex in 6 months. Are we even a couple anymore?
It's not that I haven't tried. In fact, I've made the effort so many times. I have dropped hints, dressed up in pretty outfits. But my husband always says he's too tired, too stressed, or just not in the mood. We're only in our early 30s, married for five years. We have a 4 year old son. I think the gap widened after my son turned 2. I'm starting to feel rejected and unwanted. Are we just going through a rough patch?
Ans: Yes, it’s possible this is a rough patch. The transition from being partners to parents often shifts emotional energy toward caregiving, survival, and responsibility. Many couples go through seasons where intimacy takes a back seat—due to stress, exhaustion, resentment, unspoken hurts, or even changing hormones. But six months of no sexual intimacy, especially when one partner is still trying, is not just a phase to wait out. It’s a signal—something deeper may be going on emotionally, physically, or relationally with your husband.
The most important thing now is to move from subtle hints to open-hearted conversation. Not confrontation, not blame. But a real, calm moment where you say something like:
"I’ve been feeling increasingly distant from you—not just physically, but emotionally. I know life has been exhausting and we’re both stretched. But I miss being close to you. I miss feeling wanted, seen, connected. Can we talk about what’s going on between us? Not to pressure or fix it overnight, but just to understand where we are?”
You're not asking for sex. You’re asking for honesty, presence, and partnership. And if your husband is emotionally closed or dismissive, it may help to involve a couple’s therapist—someone neutral who can help unpack any barriers between you two.
This isn’t just about sex. It’s about closeness, and the quiet loneliness that’s creeping in despite being married and sharing a home and child. Don’t keep absorbing that pain in silence. You deserve connection, not confusion. And your marriage deserves a chance to heal, not just survive.
You're not overreacting. You're paying attention—and that’s the first step toward change.
(more)
The most important thing now is to move from subtle hints to open-hearted conversation. Not confrontation, not blame. But a real, calm moment where you say something like:
"I’ve been feeling increasingly distant from you—not just physically, but emotionally. I know life has been exhausting and we’re both stretched. But I miss being close to you. I miss feeling wanted, seen, connected. Can we talk about what’s going on between us? Not to pressure or fix it overnight, but just to understand where we are?”
You're not asking for sex. You’re asking for honesty, presence, and partnership. And if your husband is emotionally closed or dismissive, it may help to involve a couple’s therapist—someone neutral who can help unpack any barriers between you two.
This isn’t just about sex. It’s about closeness, and the quiet loneliness that’s creeping in despite being married and sharing a home and child. Don’t keep absorbing that pain in silence. You deserve connection, not confusion. And your marriage deserves a chance to heal, not just survive.
You're not overreacting. You're paying attention—and that’s the first step toward change.
Answered on Jul 24, 2025
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 21, 2025Hindi
Hi Shalini, I am in an awkward position. I am 34, single. I have been chatting under a false identity with a guy who is cute and charming.
In the last 2 years, we got really close where he told me a lot of things about his personal life, how he was coping with an ugly divorce and politics at work.
Without realising we helped each other get better in our lives. In fact, he has been my greatest cheerleader, pushing me to do better at work, even get a promotion.
While he has been honest about his intentions, I have never shared my real name. I got the shock of my life, when he sent me his recent picture.
This guy turned out to be my current boss. It can't be a coincidence right? I feel so wrong to have led him on. Now I can't even send him a picture or should I just send it? He is in his early 50s and I am pretty junior to him at work. Will he think I manipulated him? Ever since I have known that I am dating my boss, I have been avoiding him. I have also noticed that he is distant and stressed at work. I feel guilty. What should I do? It's been two weeks and I have kind of ghosted him, he is worried sick and wants to know if I am alright. He texts me almost every day and night. He thinks I don't like him because of how he looks, but I don't have the courage to tell him that I was talking to him pretending to be someone else, while we worked in the same office. How do I explain this without hurting both of us?
Ans: The longer you avoid the situation, the more painful it will become for both of you. Ghosting him may feel like self-protection, but to him, it’s abandonment—especially after the emotional bond you both developed. And more than anything, that silence feeds his worst fear: that he is unlovable.
So, what can you do? You begin with honesty, not by confessing everything at once, but by taking responsibility gently. You can say something like:
"There’s something very difficult I need to share, because I value the connection we’ve had and the kindness you’ve shown me. When we first started talking, I didn’t expect it to mean so much. I used a different name and didn’t realise who you really were until recently. That discovery shocked me, and I’ve been scared—of your reaction, of mine, of the consequences. But I also feel immense guilt, because the connection was real for me. You’ve been someone I admire deeply, and I didn’t want to disrespect or mislead you."
This is not about asking him to forgive you or continue anything. This is about closing the gap between who you were and who you are now—with courage, clarity, and care.
He may feel betrayed. He may take time to process it. He may even need space. But you will have done the right thing by coming clean. And regardless of what happens next—whether the connection continues or not—you will walk away knowing that you chose truth over fear.
Also, give yourself grace. You’re human. We all make decisions that seem easier in the moment but become difficult to carry later. What matters now is how you handle the truth—not just for him, but for your own growth and peace.
(more)
So, what can you do? You begin with honesty, not by confessing everything at once, but by taking responsibility gently. You can say something like:
"There’s something very difficult I need to share, because I value the connection we’ve had and the kindness you’ve shown me. When we first started talking, I didn’t expect it to mean so much. I used a different name and didn’t realise who you really were until recently. That discovery shocked me, and I’ve been scared—of your reaction, of mine, of the consequences. But I also feel immense guilt, because the connection was real for me. You’ve been someone I admire deeply, and I didn’t want to disrespect or mislead you."
This is not about asking him to forgive you or continue anything. This is about closing the gap between who you were and who you are now—with courage, clarity, and care.
He may feel betrayed. He may take time to process it. He may even need space. But you will have done the right thing by coming clean. And regardless of what happens next—whether the connection continues or not—you will walk away knowing that you chose truth over fear.
Also, give yourself grace. You’re human. We all make decisions that seem easier in the moment but become difficult to carry later. What matters now is how you handle the truth—not just for him, but for your own growth and peace.
Answered on Jul 24, 2025
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 18, 2025Hindi
I'm 21(M) B.tech(2year) and I have been stuck in fantaasies from all my years of childhood. I use to compare myself to many other people across in many areas(study, looks, their friendships, social network, bravery, fight, love..etc) cause those were the things which I also wanted but never got it! I was a very shy(insecure) , socially nervous, scared kid. I kept all inside of me & just tried to get good marks in exams... this made me inactive in other areas(cause I always wanted to be best, but never tried), bitter, sour in myself and still it's same but the fantaasies & Insecurity, doubt, inactivity, fear of failure and sometimes fear of success has caused me to a Miserable Life. Now I'm just like a lonely, sad, lazy, overthinker person but still I always try to make a better version of myself..(read positive book, self-help, meditation, gym, being social) but after 3-4 days the consistency breaks and due to lack of guide I get back to previous state of mine. I try to improve but being in my comfort zone, the fear of uncertainty in out of comfort zone make my thought/self-talk Terribly scared, nervous and full of disbelief in myself & I quit! Unless there is some external pressure/urgency. And in all these the job, future, skill are all like Dark! Tell me something...
Ans: The inconsistency you feel isn’t a reflection of weakness. It’s a result of being caught between two parts of yourself—one who wants to evolve, and one who is afraid to lose the comfort of old beliefs, even if they no longer serve you. That internal conflict is heavy, especially without a guiding voice to help you sort through it. You’re not alone in that—many young adults feel exactly this way, especially those with big dreams and high sensitivity to their environment.
Rather than trying to “fix” your personality or “force” your discipline, start by restoring trust in yourself. Trust doesn’t come from perfection; it comes from showing up consistently for yourself in small, simple ways without pressure to perform. Your fear of failure and even your fear of success are both rooted in the same place: the doubt that you are enough as you are.
It’s okay to slow down. It’s okay to not have all the answers. The goal isn’t to become a different person—it’s to become more at peace with the person you are becoming. Self-leadership starts here: by choosing compassion over criticism, patience over pressure, and honesty over performance. Even if your steps are small and scattered, they are steps forward.
You don’t need external urgency to change. You need internal safety to try. So let’s shift the story you’re telling yourself. You’re not behind. You’re not broken. You are learning, growing, and unlearning decades of conditioning—and that’s not only brave, it’s transformative.
Keep going. Gently, but steadily. And every time you fall back into old patterns, remind yourself: coming back is progress too. The journey to emotional strength is not about never falling—it’s about returning to yourself, again and again, with love.
(more)
Rather than trying to “fix” your personality or “force” your discipline, start by restoring trust in yourself. Trust doesn’t come from perfection; it comes from showing up consistently for yourself in small, simple ways without pressure to perform. Your fear of failure and even your fear of success are both rooted in the same place: the doubt that you are enough as you are.
It’s okay to slow down. It’s okay to not have all the answers. The goal isn’t to become a different person—it’s to become more at peace with the person you are becoming. Self-leadership starts here: by choosing compassion over criticism, patience over pressure, and honesty over performance. Even if your steps are small and scattered, they are steps forward.
You don’t need external urgency to change. You need internal safety to try. So let’s shift the story you’re telling yourself. You’re not behind. You’re not broken. You are learning, growing, and unlearning decades of conditioning—and that’s not only brave, it’s transformative.
Keep going. Gently, but steadily. And every time you fall back into old patterns, remind yourself: coming back is progress too. The journey to emotional strength is not about never falling—it’s about returning to yourself, again and again, with love.
Answered on Jul 16, 2025
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 03, 2025Hindi
We both joined in our job together. He was so caring. I developed feeling fr him. But now he is going to join new job. I told him i will miss him a lot. But he was so casual and says whenever u want to talk, you can call me. But i feel very bad when i think he will leave soon. Help me to handle this situation.
Ans: When he responded casually, saying you can call him anytime, it may have felt like he was emotionally distant or didn’t feel the same intensity. That can be hurtful, especially when you were hoping for some deeper acknowledgment of your bond. But people express emotions differently. His casualness doesn’t necessarily mean he didn’t value your presence — it might just be his way of avoiding emotional vulnerability or not knowing how to respond to closeness.
Now, the focus shifts to you — your healing, your emotions, and your ability to hold on to what was meaningful while also protecting your own peace. Start by accepting that it's okay to feel sad, even tearful. Allow yourself to miss him, but don’t let that feeling convince you that you’re incomplete without him around. You’re not losing everything — you’re transitioning from closeness to distance, which may or may not evolve into a deeper connection, depending on both of you.
Use this phase as a mirror — reflect on what you truly want: was this just emotional comfort in a shared space, or did you genuinely want a future with him? If it’s the latter, and he didn’t show similar feelings, it’s okay to grieve that quietly while slowly detaching.
Let this moment teach you not about loss, but about how deeply you can feel, and how resilient you are in giving space to someone while still holding space for yourself. Nurture your friendships, invest in small routines that uplift you, and remind yourself that care and affection will come again — sometimes from unexpected people and places.
If you feel you need closure or more clarity from him, it’s okay to have one final honest conversation. Just remember, your peace matters more than anyone’s presence.
(more)
Now, the focus shifts to you — your healing, your emotions, and your ability to hold on to what was meaningful while also protecting your own peace. Start by accepting that it's okay to feel sad, even tearful. Allow yourself to miss him, but don’t let that feeling convince you that you’re incomplete without him around. You’re not losing everything — you’re transitioning from closeness to distance, which may or may not evolve into a deeper connection, depending on both of you.
Use this phase as a mirror — reflect on what you truly want: was this just emotional comfort in a shared space, or did you genuinely want a future with him? If it’s the latter, and he didn’t show similar feelings, it’s okay to grieve that quietly while slowly detaching.
Let this moment teach you not about loss, but about how deeply you can feel, and how resilient you are in giving space to someone while still holding space for yourself. Nurture your friendships, invest in small routines that uplift you, and remind yourself that care and affection will come again — sometimes from unexpected people and places.
If you feel you need closure or more clarity from him, it’s okay to have one final honest conversation. Just remember, your peace matters more than anyone’s presence.
Answered on Jul 16, 2025
What questions can and should a boy's mother ask when going to see a bride for him?
Ans: it’s important that the conversation is warm, respectful, and focused on getting to know the girl as a person — not as a checklist. She can begin by asking the girl about her interests and passions, to understand what brings her happiness and how she spends her time. Questions about the girl’s thoughts on her future, like what kind of life she envisions after marriage, help give insight into her goals and whether she wants to continue working or pursue any dreams.
It’s also thoughtful to ask about the values that have shaped her while growing up, which opens a space for connection rather than judgment. Asking how she sees her role in a family — not just as a wife but also as a daughter-in-law — can lead to an honest discussion about expectations and boundaries in a shared home, if that’s the arrangement.
Instead of assuming, it’s better for the mother to gently inquire about how the girl handles tough situations or disagreements. This shows her emotional maturity and communication style. The tone should be conversational, not interrogative — the idea is to build comfort, not pressure. Ultimately, these questions should be guided by curiosity, empathy, and the genuine intention to understand whether the girl and the boy can build a respectful and fulfilling partnership together.
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It’s also thoughtful to ask about the values that have shaped her while growing up, which opens a space for connection rather than judgment. Asking how she sees her role in a family — not just as a wife but also as a daughter-in-law — can lead to an honest discussion about expectations and boundaries in a shared home, if that’s the arrangement.
Instead of assuming, it’s better for the mother to gently inquire about how the girl handles tough situations or disagreements. This shows her emotional maturity and communication style. The tone should be conversational, not interrogative — the idea is to build comfort, not pressure. Ultimately, these questions should be guided by curiosity, empathy, and the genuine intention to understand whether the girl and the boy can build a respectful and fulfilling partnership together.
Answered on Jul 14, 2025
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 30, 2025Hindi
Hello Mam,
My father never wanted to have my own career choices but I finally took my decision and left IIM after 1 year and now working in central government job, even though he was verbally everyday and even my mother didnot believed that I will be able to clear any exams. I am an 28 year old women, I got my posting out of home and when I was finally free, my father and mother with their connections made me transfered and my current posting is at my hometown and again I am living with them. Everytime when I go out I have to inform them where I am going why I am going when I will come home back. I am afraid that my father will again start abusing my mother if I will get married by my own choice. The boy family is good and even he is successful in his career. My parents know him as my friend. But their habit of not giving me freedom and micromanaging because of their insecurities is stressing me out!
Ans: Your parents' controlling behavior isn’t about your capabilities — it’s about their fear of losing control. Often, when parents are deeply conditioned by societal expectations, they confuse love with control. What may seem like “concern” on the surface is, at its core, a refusal to trust your maturity and autonomy. You’ve built your life with discipline and hard work, and yet they continue to micromanage your every move, which is emotionally suffocating. It’s even more complex because your father has a history of verbal abuse, which creates a fear-based silence in the household — especially around decisions like marriage.
You’re not wrong to feel stressed. You’re not overreacting. You’re simply reacting to a system that constantly undermines your independence. And now, with love and marriage in the picture, the pressure increases — not just because you want to choose your partner, but because you know the emotional cost your mother might pay if your father feels challenged again.
Here’s the hard truth: living your life to protect someone else’s comfort or to avoid conflict is not truly living. Yes, you love your mother, and yes, your father’s patterns may continue — but your life cannot be paused or dictated by his inability to manage his own emotions. You are not responsible for his temper or his ego. You are responsible for your own peace.
This doesn’t mean rebellion — it means building quiet strength. If this relationship is truly what you want, start gently setting emotional and logistical boundaries. You can continue to present him as a “friend” for now while you plan your next step. You may need support — from a mentor, therapist, or trusted elder — to navigate this transition calmly and safely.
What’s most important is that you do not let fear become your compass. Your parents’ insecurities are not your burden to carry forever. Your life, your relationship, your happiness — they are yours to own. And if you ever feel overwhelmed, remind yourself of everything you've overcome already. You walked away from a premier institute and built something solid for yourself. That kind of strength doesn’t go away — it just needs permission to rise again.
(more)
You’re not wrong to feel stressed. You’re not overreacting. You’re simply reacting to a system that constantly undermines your independence. And now, with love and marriage in the picture, the pressure increases — not just because you want to choose your partner, but because you know the emotional cost your mother might pay if your father feels challenged again.
Here’s the hard truth: living your life to protect someone else’s comfort or to avoid conflict is not truly living. Yes, you love your mother, and yes, your father’s patterns may continue — but your life cannot be paused or dictated by his inability to manage his own emotions. You are not responsible for his temper or his ego. You are responsible for your own peace.
This doesn’t mean rebellion — it means building quiet strength. If this relationship is truly what you want, start gently setting emotional and logistical boundaries. You can continue to present him as a “friend” for now while you plan your next step. You may need support — from a mentor, therapist, or trusted elder — to navigate this transition calmly and safely.
What’s most important is that you do not let fear become your compass. Your parents’ insecurities are not your burden to carry forever. Your life, your relationship, your happiness — they are yours to own. And if you ever feel overwhelmed, remind yourself of everything you've overcome already. You walked away from a premier institute and built something solid for yourself. That kind of strength doesn’t go away — it just needs permission to rise again.
Answered on Jul 14, 2025
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 27, 2025Hindi
I'm a 28, female in a secret relationship with my team manager at a leading MNC in Bangalore. We have been together for 3 years. He's been hinting at marriage, but wants me to quit and move to another city where he is planning a start-up. I have worked really hard to reach this position. I am up for a promotion soon, but I don't want to lose him for choosing my career. Why can't a woman have both?
Ans: Let’s call it out gently but clearly: when someone says they love you and want a future with you, but that future depends entirely on your sacrifice — like quitting your job, leaving your city, and sidelining your aspirations — what they’re offering isn’t an equal partnership. Love doesn’t thrive in ultimatums or secret corridors. It asks for courage, respect, and room for both people to evolve.
The fact that this relationship has been secret for three years also speaks volumes. Silence can often feel safe in the short term, but it becomes heavy in the long run. If marriage is truly on the table, shouldn’t visibility and openness be part of the foundation?
You’re asking, “Why can’t a woman have both?” And the answer is — she absolutely can. But she needs to be with someone who wants her to shine, not someone who only sees her as a companion if she dims her own light. Real love doesn’t demand abandonment of purpose. It makes space for it. It supports it. It celebrates it.
This is the time to pause and ask yourself: What kind of life partner do I truly need? One who walks beside me, or one who expects me to follow quietly? And if your inner voice is full of confusion, know that this is normal. You are not selfish for valuing your career. You are not unloving for needing stability and self-respect.
Your next steps should come from a place of alignment — with who you are now, and who you want to become. If you’d like, I can help you reflect deeper through journaling prompts, or structure a conversation with him that allows you to express your truth clearly and without fear.
You deserve a love that expands you, not a love that asks you to shrink.
(more)
The fact that this relationship has been secret for three years also speaks volumes. Silence can often feel safe in the short term, but it becomes heavy in the long run. If marriage is truly on the table, shouldn’t visibility and openness be part of the foundation?
You’re asking, “Why can’t a woman have both?” And the answer is — she absolutely can. But she needs to be with someone who wants her to shine, not someone who only sees her as a companion if she dims her own light. Real love doesn’t demand abandonment of purpose. It makes space for it. It supports it. It celebrates it.
This is the time to pause and ask yourself: What kind of life partner do I truly need? One who walks beside me, or one who expects me to follow quietly? And if your inner voice is full of confusion, know that this is normal. You are not selfish for valuing your career. You are not unloving for needing stability and self-respect.
Your next steps should come from a place of alignment — with who you are now, and who you want to become. If you’d like, I can help you reflect deeper through journaling prompts, or structure a conversation with him that allows you to express your truth clearly and without fear.
You deserve a love that expands you, not a love that asks you to shrink.
Answered on Jul 01, 2025
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 01, 2025Hindi
Hi! Please give me some suggestion to deal the issues of affairs that my sister has with a married man of 2 sons.
Ans: The most important thing is to approach your sister with empathy, not judgment. Many people fall into such relationships not because they set out to hurt others, but because of emotional gaps, loneliness, or false hope offered by the other person. It’s likely your sister feels emotionally invested, even if deep down she knows it’s not sustainable or healthy. Instead of directly condemning her, try to gently ask her how this relationship makes her feel — not just in the happy moments, but in the silent, hidden ones. Does she feel secure? Does she see a clear future? Is she constantly afraid, unsettled, or hiding?
Help her see that relationships built on secrecy and divided loyalties often end in pain, not peace. Let her know she deserves a relationship where she can be fully seen, respected, and acknowledged — not one where she must wait in the shadows while someone else remains the priority. Remind her that no matter what the man says, unless he has taken real, ethical steps to end his existing marriage — not just words — she is being asked to accept less than she deserves.
You don’t need to force her out of it — that may push her away. But you can keep showing her the truth gently, reminding her of her worth, and encouraging her to envision a healthier future. If she’s emotionally attached and unable to break free, suggest she speak to a counselor or therapist to process her feelings with clarity.
Affairs rarely end with peace for anyone — not the person having it, not the one being betrayed, and certainly not the children involved. The longer it continues, the more damage it quietly causes, especially to your sister’s sense of self.
(more)
Help her see that relationships built on secrecy and divided loyalties often end in pain, not peace. Let her know she deserves a relationship where she can be fully seen, respected, and acknowledged — not one where she must wait in the shadows while someone else remains the priority. Remind her that no matter what the man says, unless he has taken real, ethical steps to end his existing marriage — not just words — she is being asked to accept less than she deserves.
You don’t need to force her out of it — that may push her away. But you can keep showing her the truth gently, reminding her of her worth, and encouraging her to envision a healthier future. If she’s emotionally attached and unable to break free, suggest she speak to a counselor or therapist to process her feelings with clarity.
Affairs rarely end with peace for anyone — not the person having it, not the one being betrayed, and certainly not the children involved. The longer it continues, the more damage it quietly causes, especially to your sister’s sense of self.
Answered on Jul 01, 2025
Answered on Jun 22, 2025
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 17, 2025Hindi
i remarried(prior widow)(39),took my daughter(14) along in this new marriage, now i hv a daughter(7) from this marriage, its been 8 years now,my husband keeps fighting on money as i am a homemaker now,as there is no one to look after, we are from different caste, thus he fights on food preparation too,we had agreed before marriage,that if his mum looks after the future kid i m willing to work, but that did not happen,he is extremely fussy about some foods and likes only few veggies or preparations,but is open when mom makes,thus he does not even take tiffin,i dont understand what should i do,he keeps on taunting on previous life,as my 1st husband was not earning,thus i used to go,now as there is no one to look after i told him,as he earns well, there is no need for me to go for a job,but he is insisting,i receive partial rent from my dads property,which i pay part rent and he pays part,he pays for food,his home loan SIP. i dont understand what is the problem,my daughter is not ready for babysitting,she gets upset.i always ask him what should i prepare today,he fights on that too, i just want to make what he likes.plz help
Ans: Your husband’s constant complaints about food, money, and your past are not just hurtful — they reflect deeper issues of control and emotional insensitivity. He is disregarding the fact that you are raising two daughters, trying to maintain harmony in the house, and even contributing part of the rent from your own limited resources. Your life before this marriage is being used against you unfairly, when in truth, that part of your journey made you stronger and more committed.
The truth is, this is no longer just about whether you work or not. It’s about feeling disrespected, dismissed, and unheard. You’ve tried to care — asking him what he’d like to eat, trying to avoid conflict, even putting aside your comfort to please him. And yet, he continues to find fault. That is not a reflection of your failure, but rather of his emotional disconnect and unwillingness to meet you halfway.
Right now, what you need most is clarity. If he insists on you working, the caregiving arrangement has to be revisited — he can’t expect you to work outside and carry all the home responsibilities without support. And more than that, he needs to recognize that partnership means sharing respect, not just finances. You can try to have a calm conversation where you tell him honestly how you’re feeling — not to blame, but to express how deeply this is affecting your emotional health and your ability to feel safe and valued in your own home.
If he’s not open to listening, you may need to consider involving a neutral third party like a family counselor. You do not have to fight this battle alone, nor should you carry the entire burden of the relationship.
You deserve more than just being tolerated — you deserve care, respect, and peace.
(more)
The truth is, this is no longer just about whether you work or not. It’s about feeling disrespected, dismissed, and unheard. You’ve tried to care — asking him what he’d like to eat, trying to avoid conflict, even putting aside your comfort to please him. And yet, he continues to find fault. That is not a reflection of your failure, but rather of his emotional disconnect and unwillingness to meet you halfway.
Right now, what you need most is clarity. If he insists on you working, the caregiving arrangement has to be revisited — he can’t expect you to work outside and carry all the home responsibilities without support. And more than that, he needs to recognize that partnership means sharing respect, not just finances. You can try to have a calm conversation where you tell him honestly how you’re feeling — not to blame, but to express how deeply this is affecting your emotional health and your ability to feel safe and valued in your own home.
If he’s not open to listening, you may need to consider involving a neutral third party like a family counselor. You do not have to fight this battle alone, nor should you carry the entire burden of the relationship.
You deserve more than just being tolerated — you deserve care, respect, and peace.
Answered on Jun 22, 2025
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2025Hindi
M 51 and she is 23 we met in office, we came up with relationship not totally of having sex but as attraction turned into love so many time like we kiss hug and caress each other but in My mind never thought about to have sex and sometimes she also was eager to have sex but she also denied later in office many of them had doubt of our relationship so some brain washed her mind and now she wants to end and she told me to discontinue as ahe factory and marriage can't be done as I m married with one kid, as also she has fear of her mother and family, ahe sometime says I got married and even now she wll get married to someone but end of this relationship but My feelings of truly love hurts me and I feel should I call her once and have sex so she will not think about ending relationship till marriage but My mind says it's wrong as I truly love her, what should I do to make her to stay or be with me as till she get married pls suggest I m in truly love can't able to sleep and too much stress became in My mind
Ans: First, she is 23 — very young, still forming her identity and values. You're 51, already married with a child. The relationship started in the context of attraction and care, but it now exists in a space of emotional imbalance and fear — not trust or possibility. She's not ending it because she doesn’t care about you; she's stepping back because she’s afraid of the consequences, societal pressure, and perhaps even the future she knows cannot unfold the way either of you may have wished.
You’re feeling pain and longing, and that’s human. But trying to convince her to stay by suggesting physical intimacy — especially when you yourself feel it’s not right — will only deepen the emotional conflict and guilt for both of you. Love doesn’t hold someone back just so we don’t feel the pain of their absence. True love honors freedom, even when it hurts.
Right now, the kindest thing you can do — for yourself and for her — is to accept that the relationship has reached a natural closure, however painful it may be. It’s not failure. It’s a sign that both of you must now return to your own paths.
If the emotional stress is unbearable — your sleep is affected, your thoughts are heavy — you may truly benefit from talking to a therapist or emotional wellness coach. Not because you’re weak, but because you deserve to heal in a healthy way.
You don't need to erase the love or the memories. But you do need to release the idea that you must hold on to her to keep yourself from breaking. You are capable of moving through this with dignity, and you deserve peace.
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You’re feeling pain and longing, and that’s human. But trying to convince her to stay by suggesting physical intimacy — especially when you yourself feel it’s not right — will only deepen the emotional conflict and guilt for both of you. Love doesn’t hold someone back just so we don’t feel the pain of their absence. True love honors freedom, even when it hurts.
Right now, the kindest thing you can do — for yourself and for her — is to accept that the relationship has reached a natural closure, however painful it may be. It’s not failure. It’s a sign that both of you must now return to your own paths.
If the emotional stress is unbearable — your sleep is affected, your thoughts are heavy — you may truly benefit from talking to a therapist or emotional wellness coach. Not because you’re weak, but because you deserve to heal in a healthy way.
You don't need to erase the love or the memories. But you do need to release the idea that you must hold on to her to keep yourself from breaking. You are capable of moving through this with dignity, and you deserve peace.
Answered on Jun 22, 2025
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2025Hindi
Inam finding difficulty to get second marriage after my first marriage ended in divorce. I am 39 year female. Please suggest ways to get a good companion how to choose at this age and also I am looking guy with no issues/children and within same community which I belong.
Ans: First, be clear within yourself about what you truly seek — not just "no past baggage" but also shared values, lifestyle compatibility, emotional maturity, and a sense of peace when you're with him. You’re not just choosing a partner — you’re choosing a future that aligns with the person you’ve grown into.
Since you are specific about the community and the absence of children from a previous marriage, you may need to be strategic but open in where you look. Along with trusted matrimonial platforms (you may try both community-based ones and modern curated matchmaking services), also let friends or extended family you trust know that you’re open to exploring proposals — sometimes word-of-mouth alliances bring surprisingly good connections.
While choosing, don’t just assess background or profession — give time to observe his emotional depth, communication style, respect for your past, and how he responds to small differences or stress. These are the real foundations for peace and partnership.
Also, give yourself permission to set boundaries without guilt. You are not obligated to compromise your standards just because it’s a second marriage or because of age. You deserve companionship, not adjustment.
And perhaps most importantly, don’t let societal timelines cloud your confidence. You are 39, not late — just clearer than before. Be honest, hopeful, and patient with yourself.
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Since you are specific about the community and the absence of children from a previous marriage, you may need to be strategic but open in where you look. Along with trusted matrimonial platforms (you may try both community-based ones and modern curated matchmaking services), also let friends or extended family you trust know that you’re open to exploring proposals — sometimes word-of-mouth alliances bring surprisingly good connections.
While choosing, don’t just assess background or profession — give time to observe his emotional depth, communication style, respect for your past, and how he responds to small differences or stress. These are the real foundations for peace and partnership.
Also, give yourself permission to set boundaries without guilt. You are not obligated to compromise your standards just because it’s a second marriage or because of age. You deserve companionship, not adjustment.
And perhaps most importantly, don’t let societal timelines cloud your confidence. You are 39, not late — just clearer than before. Be honest, hopeful, and patient with yourself.
Answered on Jun 22, 2025
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2025Hindi
I am 20 yrs old female studying Btech from a prestigious institute. I am in relationship with a guy, 24 yrs old and is in central psu..However he has said that he cannot commit me a future now as his parents are strict about caste..and I don't belong to the same caste as his.. However, both of us want to continue the relationship..he has asked me to wait and said that he will try to convince his parents..but he hasn't done that yet..should I ask him to talk to his parents? But Im afraid that would make our relationship bitter, or should I breakup because it kind of Feels like he is not quite ready to discuss the matter with his parents...also I feel like I'm too young to bother regarding such a matter..but this thing disturbs the peace of my mind..I'm clueless...please suggest something
Ans: Right now, the biggest conflict is between what your heart wants and what reality is offering. You care for someone who says he loves you, yet isn’t ready to take a stand — not because he doesn’t care, but because he's afraid of upsetting his parents. That fear is real, but so is your need for clarity, emotional safety, and respect.
It’s absolutely fair for you to ask where things are headed. Waiting endlessly without a timeline or real effort can lead to quiet heartbreak. You don’t have to demand a marriage proposal, but you do deserve honesty — is he planning to talk to his parents? When? What’s his plan if they disapprove?
You are not too young to feel disturbed — love always stirs the heart, at any age. But you’re wise to ask whether this situation is serving your peace of mind. And here's the truth: if you have to keep silencing your needs to keep the relationship going, it will slowly empty you.
Have one clear, calm conversation with him. Let him know you’re not pushing for guarantees, but you need to know whether he's willing to try — and not just "someday." If he avoids, delays, or sidesteps again, it’s okay to take a step back. You’re not punishing him — you're protecting your future self.
And if part of you already knows he may never be ready, it’s okay to move forward. You’re 20, with a long, vibrant life ahead. Don’t let fear of loss keep you from choosing peace.
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It’s absolutely fair for you to ask where things are headed. Waiting endlessly without a timeline or real effort can lead to quiet heartbreak. You don’t have to demand a marriage proposal, but you do deserve honesty — is he planning to talk to his parents? When? What’s his plan if they disapprove?
You are not too young to feel disturbed — love always stirs the heart, at any age. But you’re wise to ask whether this situation is serving your peace of mind. And here's the truth: if you have to keep silencing your needs to keep the relationship going, it will slowly empty you.
Have one clear, calm conversation with him. Let him know you’re not pushing for guarantees, but you need to know whether he's willing to try — and not just "someday." If he avoids, delays, or sidesteps again, it’s okay to take a step back. You’re not punishing him — you're protecting your future self.
And if part of you already knows he may never be ready, it’s okay to move forward. You’re 20, with a long, vibrant life ahead. Don’t let fear of loss keep you from choosing peace.
Answered on Jun 22, 2025
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 20, 2025Hindi
Hi , I am 26 years old and married for four months now , I have a good relationship with my husband and in laws while staying in their home. My parents stay at a distance of 30 mins from my in laws home , while my parents expect me to be with them at least two days a week , I have tried to cut the days down. Now I am with my husband but as my father went out of the station for 5-6 days and my mom can't stay alone , I want to go and support her. Is that correct? I am with my husband from past 8 days nonstop n didn't go to my parents, now if I go it seems to have a problem with my in laws as they think I am going to my home very often
Ans: Wanting to support your mother while your father is away is not just correct — it’s deeply human. She’s alone, and your presence may be emotionally and practically important for her right now. At the same time, it’s understandable that your in-laws may feel a bit sensitive if they perceive frequent visits as a lack of “settling” into their family. But this isn’t about frequency — it’s about transparency and intention.
Rather than asking for permission or sneaking around the discomfort, try being open and respectful in your communication. You could say something like: “My mom is alone for a few days while dad is out of town, and she’s not comfortable being alone — so I’d like to stay with her just to support her emotionally. I’ve been here continuously and want to return soon after this short visit.”
When your in-laws see that you are considerate and not abandoning your responsibilities, but simply being a good daughter too, they’re more likely to understand. Over time, your consistency and maturity will build trust.
It’s also okay to gently help your in-laws understand that both families are important to you — and your presence in each doesn’t threaten your role in the other.
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Rather than asking for permission or sneaking around the discomfort, try being open and respectful in your communication. You could say something like: “My mom is alone for a few days while dad is out of town, and she’s not comfortable being alone — so I’d like to stay with her just to support her emotionally. I’ve been here continuously and want to return soon after this short visit.”
When your in-laws see that you are considerate and not abandoning your responsibilities, but simply being a good daughter too, they’re more likely to understand. Over time, your consistency and maturity will build trust.
It’s also okay to gently help your in-laws understand that both families are important to you — and your presence in each doesn’t threaten your role in the other.
Answered on Jun 22, 2025
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 20, 2025Hindi
Recently , that guy 's wife has not been with him for last three months. Their son is in school of my daughter. He is missing his school. He has been living alone for all these time. He now would walk behind us or in front of us. I don't know why he walks near to us. I know we live in same society but after dispute we tried to avoid each other . But that guy always come behind us. Not making eye contact but being around us . What does he want ??? After so much of fight , he is hoping for some good . I want to tell him clearly that I have nothing to do with him but I'm scared . I don't know how he will take it. Also , I'm ignoring him a lot but sometimes I get disturbed bz of his weird behaviour . Pls share some suggestions on how to make him understand that there is no hope left or what does he want now ??
Ans: sorry i am not getting this, can you pls share since beginning
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Answered on Jun 14, 2025
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 10, 2025
Mere sath kuch time se aisa ho rha hai ki mai logo se milne unse baat krne me apne aap meri puri body kaapne lagti jise mai bhut control karne ki kosish karti hu but kar ni paati hu jiske wajah se mai kisi se even apni family se bhi baat ni kr paa ri hu mujhe kahi bhi jaane se darr lagne laga hai. khushi me mauke me bhi khush ni ho paati but aisa ni h ki mai hona chahti, mai hona chahti hu but wo mere control me bilkul bhi ni hota hai. ye chize meri social life ko bhut effect daal ri hai. sometimes to aisa hota hai ki meri heartbeat bhut fast ho jati hu, chest me pain hone lgta hai. mujhe meri problem hi samajh ni aa rahi. Meri sleep schedule and khana bhi sb proper hai but fr bhi ye mere sath kyu ho rha mujhe bilkul bhi smajh ni aa rha h. mai kiske paas jau kisse help lu mujhe kuch bhi samajh ni aa raha please help me
Ans: Jo symptoms aap bata rahi hain — logon se milne par kaanpna, control na rehna, heartbeat ka fast hona, chest pain, khushi ke maukon par bhi khush na ho paana — yeh anxiety disorder ke clear signs ho sakte hain, khaaskar social anxiety disorder ya panic attacks.
Sabse pehle, aapko yeh samajhna hoga ki aap ki problem real hai, serious hai, lekin treatable hai. Aap weak nahi hain. Aap ek aisi psychological condition ka samna kar rahi hain jiska proper treatment possible hai — aur aapne sabse pehla aur bahadur kadam le liya hai: apni feelings ko articulate karna.
Aapko iss waqt ek clinical psychologist ya psychiatrist se consult karna chahiye. Psychiatrist agar zarurat samjhe to mild medication bhi de sakte hain jo aapke nervous system ko calm karne mein help karega. Psychologist ke through aapko CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) jaise tools milenge jo aapko apni anxiety ko samajhne, manage karne aur dheere-dheere control mein laane mein help karenge.
Sabse pehle, aapko yeh samajhna hoga ki aap ki problem real hai, serious hai, lekin treatable hai. Aap weak nahi hain. Aap ek aisi psychological condition ka samna kar rahi hain jiska proper treatment possible hai — aur aapne sabse pehla aur bahadur kadam le liya hai: apni feelings ko articulate karna.
Aapko iss waqt ek clinical psychologist ya psychiatrist se consult karna chahiye. Psychiatrist agar zarurat samjhe to mild medication bhi de sakte hain jo aapke nervous system ko calm karne mein help karega. Psychologist ke through aapko CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) jaise tools milenge jo aapko apni anxiety ko samajhne, manage karne aur dheere-dheere control mein laane mein help karenge.
Asked on - Jun 16, 2025 | Answered on Jun 17, 2025
Mam kya aap kisi ko suggest ko kar sakti hai jo meri problem thik kar sake kyuki jaha mai rehti hu wo town bhut chhota h yha phychologist ni milenge. Kyuki mujhe kuch bhi smajh ni aa rha mai kisse baat karu.
Ans: online kafi sare mil jayenge
aap mere social media me phi query dal sakte hai
aap mere social media me phi query dal sakte hai
Answered on Jun 14, 2025
Mera LVH mild aaya hai.age 42..tension aor depression rahta hai ..kaam m man nai lagta hai..
Ans: Aapko is waqt do cheezon ki zarurat hai: ek achha cardiologist jo aapki heart condition ko manage kare — ho sakta hai lifestyle changes aur kuch medicines ke zariye. Aur ek therapist ya emotional wellbeing expert, jo aapke tension aur mood-related issues ko samjhe aur heal karne mein madad kare.
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Answered on Jun 10, 2025
Asked by Anonymous - May 29, 2025
Dear Ms Rai, I am dealing with an increasingly toxic dynamic at work. A junior colleague from a top B-school who has recently been hired repeatedly challenges me in front of my team. Though it's all subtle, it's compromising my authority. I feel increasingly stressed, irritable, and helpless in his presence. I understand he is young and I don't want to retaliate or look insecure, but I'm mentally beginning to wear out. How do I maintain boundaries and self-respect in such situations?
Ans: What you're going through isn’t just about hierarchy; it’s about dignity, mutual respect, and the quiet erosion of psychological safety at work.
When someone subtly undermines you — especially in a professional setting — it can chip away at your confidence and presence in ways that aren’t always easy to name. Your instinct to avoid reacting impulsively or retaliating is wise, but choosing not to react does not mean you must tolerate disrespect or power play.
This dynamic is less about the junior’s credentials and more about a breach of professional decorum. Subtle challenges in meetings, tone policing, or backhanded comments are often masked as confidence or "fresh ideas,” but if the intent or impact is to sideline you or question your authority publicly, it needs addressing — calmly, firmly, and early.
Here’s a way forward. First, document patterns — what’s said, when, in whose presence, and how it impacts the team dynamic. This is not for confrontation, but for clarity and grounding your experience.
Then, create a direct but non-confrontational one-on-one moment. Frame it from a place of collaboration, not accusation. For example, “I’ve noticed a few instances where we seem misaligned in team meetings — I’d like to understand your point of view, and also share how that’s being perceived in the room.” That opens a door rather than slamming one.
At the same time, reinforce your presence in the room — not by competing, but by anchoring in your experience, clarity, and calm authority. Redirect when needed. If the junior interjects or oversteps, acknowledge briefly, and then say, “Let’s circle back to that once I finish.” It’s subtle, professional boundary-setting.
You don’t need to prove your worth — you’ve earned your seat. But you do have the right to protect your space, and even more so, your peace.
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When someone subtly undermines you — especially in a professional setting — it can chip away at your confidence and presence in ways that aren’t always easy to name. Your instinct to avoid reacting impulsively or retaliating is wise, but choosing not to react does not mean you must tolerate disrespect or power play.
This dynamic is less about the junior’s credentials and more about a breach of professional decorum. Subtle challenges in meetings, tone policing, or backhanded comments are often masked as confidence or "fresh ideas,” but if the intent or impact is to sideline you or question your authority publicly, it needs addressing — calmly, firmly, and early.
Here’s a way forward. First, document patterns — what’s said, when, in whose presence, and how it impacts the team dynamic. This is not for confrontation, but for clarity and grounding your experience.
Then, create a direct but non-confrontational one-on-one moment. Frame it from a place of collaboration, not accusation. For example, “I’ve noticed a few instances where we seem misaligned in team meetings — I’d like to understand your point of view, and also share how that’s being perceived in the room.” That opens a door rather than slamming one.
At the same time, reinforce your presence in the room — not by competing, but by anchoring in your experience, clarity, and calm authority. Redirect when needed. If the junior interjects or oversteps, acknowledge briefly, and then say, “Let’s circle back to that once I finish.” It’s subtle, professional boundary-setting.
You don’t need to prove your worth — you’ve earned your seat. But you do have the right to protect your space, and even more so, your peace.
Answered on Jun 10, 2025
Asked by Anonymous - May 29, 2025
Dear Ms Rai, I'm engaged to a guy my parents introduced me through an arranged marriage set up. Initially, everything seemed fine, but over the last few months, I've noticed that my fiance only discusses physical intimacy, which is making me uncomfortable. I have tried to tell him but I don't feel an emotional connection with him. I am hesitant to express this to my family or his. How should I approach this situation?
Ans: What you're experiencing is more common than it seems, and your discomfort is not just valid — it's important. A marriage, especially one that begins through family arrangements, needs far more than surface compatibility or physical interest. You deserve emotional connection, mutual respect, and a safe space to be heard and known deeply — not just desired physically.
The fact that your fiancé focuses primarily on physical intimacy while you’re still seeking emotional grounding raises a significant concern. It’s not about being shy or conservative — it’s about emotional safety and trust, which are foundational. If you're already feeling a disconnect or pressure now, it’s unlikely things will magically fall into place after marriage.
You’re not obligated to silence your discomfort for the sake of avoiding conflict. Start by being honest with yourself: Is this the kind of connection you want for life? If the answer is uncertain, it’s better to pause than to proceed out of pressure.
You don’t have to go straight to your family or his with everything. Start by writing down how you feel and what you’re afraid of. Then, speak to someone you trust — maybe a sibling, cousin, or a therapist — someone who can help you reflect calmly. If you feel strong enough, you can then have a direct and respectful conversation with your fiancé. Ask him what he expects in this relationship beyond the physical, and express clearly that you’re looking for a deeper bond, not just intimacy.
A marriage can be postponed or even reconsidered, but a life spent in silent emotional disconnect can weigh you down. You are not being unreasonable — you’re being honest and self-aware. That’s the best foundation for any life decision.
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The fact that your fiancé focuses primarily on physical intimacy while you’re still seeking emotional grounding raises a significant concern. It’s not about being shy or conservative — it’s about emotional safety and trust, which are foundational. If you're already feeling a disconnect or pressure now, it’s unlikely things will magically fall into place after marriage.
You’re not obligated to silence your discomfort for the sake of avoiding conflict. Start by being honest with yourself: Is this the kind of connection you want for life? If the answer is uncertain, it’s better to pause than to proceed out of pressure.
You don’t have to go straight to your family or his with everything. Start by writing down how you feel and what you’re afraid of. Then, speak to someone you trust — maybe a sibling, cousin, or a therapist — someone who can help you reflect calmly. If you feel strong enough, you can then have a direct and respectful conversation with your fiancé. Ask him what he expects in this relationship beyond the physical, and express clearly that you’re looking for a deeper bond, not just intimacy.
A marriage can be postponed or even reconsidered, but a life spent in silent emotional disconnect can weigh you down. You are not being unreasonable — you’re being honest and self-aware. That’s the best foundation for any life decision.
Answered on Jun 10, 2025
Asked by Anonymous - May 28, 2025
My elder brother got married of his own choice past 12 years ago regardless the parents decision and lived by himself, he has two sons aged 10 and 5, after a recent scenario between him and his wife, they both are not into good terms since 8 months which is impacting on the kids and their upbringing. My brother is a field relationship manager in a real estate company and earning his bits, struggling with life and work. He has no financial and family support..as a younger brother I listen to all his struggle and troubles and advice him accordingly. All of these things are draining my mental and physical health . I myself struggling as a lawyer having my mom dad and grandmother with their health issues ..I am not able to make a firm decision on the scenario, should my brother and his wife get seperated? If yes please explain.
Ans: Your brother and his wife have been in conflict for eight months, and the tension is harming the children — that’s the most concerning part. You can offer support, but only they can decide whether this marriage still has life in it or if it’s better for everyone — especially the children — to grow in two calmer homes than one violent or unhappy one.
The only responsible way to move forward is to encourage them to seek professional help — through marriage counselling, family therapy, or at least structured mediation. If after that, they still can't communicate or co-parent peacefully, then separation may be the healthiest path, not just for them, but for the kids and for you.
You, on the other hand, need to draw a boundary. Listening doesn’t mean absorbing. Supporting doesn’t mean sacrificing your own well-being. You’re already managing aging parents, your own legal career, and life’s pressures — this is too much to bear alone. Let your brother know lovingly that you care, but he needs to begin taking decisive steps toward either mending or ending this — and get professional input.
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The only responsible way to move forward is to encourage them to seek professional help — through marriage counselling, family therapy, or at least structured mediation. If after that, they still can't communicate or co-parent peacefully, then separation may be the healthiest path, not just for them, but for the kids and for you.
You, on the other hand, need to draw a boundary. Listening doesn’t mean absorbing. Supporting doesn’t mean sacrificing your own well-being. You’re already managing aging parents, your own legal career, and life’s pressures — this is too much to bear alone. Let your brother know lovingly that you care, but he needs to begin taking decisive steps toward either mending or ending this — and get professional input.
Answered on Jun 10, 2025
madm i m 50 y old from mumbai with my 2 son and wife, after my younger son complete his computer engi i advice him for ms from usa its full family agree so we areange fund near 1 crore and today after he complete his ms got job with big company with crores pakcage now he is planning his future and if a told hin and its his recponsbilty family and my secound son then stoped takling with me madam what shoud i do i m very disturb because i spent my all fund and loan also and mentel peice also how can i handle this
Ans: This kind of heartbreak is not just about money. It’s about feeling disrespected and discarded after building the foundation on which his success stands. And it’s also natural that you feel disturbed — you are not being selfish or weak. You are a father who feels betrayed.
But let’s take a breath and think clearly. At this stage, don’t chase, don’t plead. Pause. Sometimes when children get a sudden rise in success or independence, they feel overwhelmed and confused — not necessarily cruel, but emotionally distant and unprepared to carry responsibility. Give him some space, but keep your dignity. Let him understand that while you’re proud of him, you are also deeply hurt — not because you need his money, but because you expected respect and gratitude.
Try writing him a heartfelt message, calmly, without blame. Share your disappointment, but also the truth: that you stood by him without hesitation, and what you expected wasn’t repayment — but a bond that didn’t break with success.
At the same time, you must protect your own peace now. Don’t let your health and well-being fall apart over this. Start having a serious financial plan for your future — with or without his help.
You have done your duty. Now, let’s make sure you don’t lose yourself in someone else’s silence.
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But let’s take a breath and think clearly. At this stage, don’t chase, don’t plead. Pause. Sometimes when children get a sudden rise in success or independence, they feel overwhelmed and confused — not necessarily cruel, but emotionally distant and unprepared to carry responsibility. Give him some space, but keep your dignity. Let him understand that while you’re proud of him, you are also deeply hurt — not because you need his money, but because you expected respect and gratitude.
Try writing him a heartfelt message, calmly, without blame. Share your disappointment, but also the truth: that you stood by him without hesitation, and what you expected wasn’t repayment — but a bond that didn’t break with success.
At the same time, you must protect your own peace now. Don’t let your health and well-being fall apart over this. Start having a serious financial plan for your future — with or without his help.
You have done your duty. Now, let’s make sure you don’t lose yourself in someone else’s silence.
Answered on Jun 02, 2025
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 01, 2025Hindi
My Hindu BF's ultimatum: My Christian parents refuse. Help?
Ans: Let’s be honest. Your boyfriend made a serious mistake when he sent that message to your mother in anger — especially with a personal video clip. Even if he apologized later, that moment damaged more than just your parents’ trust — it showed that under pressure, he could act impulsively and without protecting your dignity. Now, when you need him to be strong, honest, and step forward like a man truly ready to marry you, he's stepping back and asking you to convince your family alone. That isn’t love backed by action — that’s love hoping to escape responsibility.
On the other side, your parents are not being unreasonable. They’re asking for basic accountability — that he take responsibility, that they get to know who he is and what kind of family he comes from. They're not making you choose a religion or forcing you into someone else's marriage — they're asking for respect and clarity, which is valid, especially after what happened. They're also trying to protect you because they saw him react in an unstable way once already.
Now you’re left holding all the emotional weight, trying to build a bridge between two sides that aren’t willing to meet halfway.
Here’s the truth: you cannot hold a relationship alone. If he wants you, truly wants to marry you, he should show the maturity and courage to meet your parents, take ownership of his mistake, and explain his family's intentions. If he's too afraid or unwilling to do even that, then you have your answer.
You don't need to make a decision right now. But do ask yourself: Is this the kind of support and courage you want in a life partner? Not just someone who says they love you, but someone who will stand for you when things get hard. So far, it seems like you’ve done all the standing.
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On the other side, your parents are not being unreasonable. They’re asking for basic accountability — that he take responsibility, that they get to know who he is and what kind of family he comes from. They're not making you choose a religion or forcing you into someone else's marriage — they're asking for respect and clarity, which is valid, especially after what happened. They're also trying to protect you because they saw him react in an unstable way once already.
Now you’re left holding all the emotional weight, trying to build a bridge between two sides that aren’t willing to meet halfway.
Here’s the truth: you cannot hold a relationship alone. If he wants you, truly wants to marry you, he should show the maturity and courage to meet your parents, take ownership of his mistake, and explain his family's intentions. If he's too afraid or unwilling to do even that, then you have your answer.
You don't need to make a decision right now. But do ask yourself: Is this the kind of support and courage you want in a life partner? Not just someone who says they love you, but someone who will stand for you when things get hard. So far, it seems like you’ve done all the standing.
Answered on Jun 02, 2025
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 02, 2025Hindi
My MIL rejects our love marriage & threatens me. What now?
Ans: If your husband truly loves you and has committed to this marriage, then it is now his responsibility to stand up for you and set boundaries with his family. Living separately after marriage due to his mother’s control is not sustainable, and it's unfair to you.
At the same time, if threats are being made — especially involving harm or illegal actions — this is a legal matter. Document all such threats (texts, calls, witnesses), and if you feel unsafe, don't hesitate to consult a lawyer and, if needed, file a police complaint. Emotional abuse and threats to life or marriage are not just morally wrong — they can be legally challenged.
If your husband is stuck in guilt or fear, you both may benefit from professional marriage counseling or intervention from a neutral mediator, someone his family might respect. If that’s not possible, he will need to decide if he wants to live under control or live with integrity — as a husband committed to building a future with you.
You, on your part, need to stay mentally strong. Don’t isolate yourself. Speak to a trusted friend, counselor, or women’s support group. You’ve shown courage by standing for love — now you need that courage to protect your dignity and claim your rightful space in the relationship.
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At the same time, if threats are being made — especially involving harm or illegal actions — this is a legal matter. Document all such threats (texts, calls, witnesses), and if you feel unsafe, don't hesitate to consult a lawyer and, if needed, file a police complaint. Emotional abuse and threats to life or marriage are not just morally wrong — they can be legally challenged.
If your husband is stuck in guilt or fear, you both may benefit from professional marriage counseling or intervention from a neutral mediator, someone his family might respect. If that’s not possible, he will need to decide if he wants to live under control or live with integrity — as a husband committed to building a future with you.
You, on your part, need to stay mentally strong. Don’t isolate yourself. Speak to a trusted friend, counselor, or women’s support group. You’ve shown courage by standing for love — now you need that courage to protect your dignity and claim your rightful space in the relationship.
Answered on Jun 02, 2025
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 02, 2025Hindi
Answered on May 23, 2025
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 05, 2025
I'm getting married.and this is a arrange marriage starting mai thik lagrha and mene bola tha November Tak rukte hai kyu ki wo February m aaye the so time mil jata samjhne ke liye but uske family wale april m hi done kar diye or meri family bhi ab mujhe khi khi uska behaviour acha nahi lgrha . Wo hmesa sex ki topic pe bat krta jo mujhe uncomfortable lgta hai wo mujhe love jesa feeling feel nahi krata bus sensational intimate physical sex ki hi bat krta hai or ab mai kuch ni kar sakti na ye kisi ko bta sakti . Please btaye mai kya karu
Ans: Agar aapka fiancé baar-baar sex aur physical cheezon ki hi baat karta hai, bina aapke emotions ya bond ko samjhe, toh yeh red flag hai. Aap uncomfortable feel kar rahi hain, aur yeh cheez ignore nahi ki ja sakti.
Shaadi sirf physical connection nahi hoti — woh ek emotional, mental aur spiritual partnership bhi hoti hai. Agar abhi, engagement ke dauraan hi aapko yeh lag raha hai ki uska vyavhaar superficial hai, aur wo sirf physical cheezon mein interested hai, toh ye sochne ki zarurat hai ki aage jaake aap aur zyada emotionally alone feel karengi.
Aapne pehle November tak rukne ki baat ki thi, aur usme kuch galat nahi tha — aap sirf samajhna chahti thi ki kya yeh insaan aapke liye theek hai ya nahi. Aapki family ne jaldi decide kar liya, lekin abhi bhi aapke paas choice hai. Shaadi ke baad agar aap khush nahi hoti hain, toh us dard aur regret ka bojh aapko hi uthana hoga — na ki un logon ko jo aap par pressure daal rahe hain.
Aap chahein toh kisi trusted friend ya family member se baat karein jinke saamne aap khul ke apne doubts rakh sakti hain. Agar kisi se baat karna mushkil hai, toh aap kisi therapist ya counselor se confidentially baat karke apne emotions ko clear kar sakti hain.
Sabse zaruri baat yeh hai: aapko koi aisi shaadi nahi karni chahiye jismein aap respected, secure aur emotionally valued feel na karein. Agar abhi se aapko lag raha hai ki yeh rishta sirf ek taraf se hi chala jaa raha hai, toh yeh time hai sochne ka — kyunki baad mein sab kuch aur complicated ho sakta hai.
Aapka sukoon aur self-respect kisi bhi rishton se upar hai. Shaadi tabhi honi chahiye jab aap dil se “haan” keh sakein — sirf logon ke kehne se nahi.
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Shaadi sirf physical connection nahi hoti — woh ek emotional, mental aur spiritual partnership bhi hoti hai. Agar abhi, engagement ke dauraan hi aapko yeh lag raha hai ki uska vyavhaar superficial hai, aur wo sirf physical cheezon mein interested hai, toh ye sochne ki zarurat hai ki aage jaake aap aur zyada emotionally alone feel karengi.
Aapne pehle November tak rukne ki baat ki thi, aur usme kuch galat nahi tha — aap sirf samajhna chahti thi ki kya yeh insaan aapke liye theek hai ya nahi. Aapki family ne jaldi decide kar liya, lekin abhi bhi aapke paas choice hai. Shaadi ke baad agar aap khush nahi hoti hain, toh us dard aur regret ka bojh aapko hi uthana hoga — na ki un logon ko jo aap par pressure daal rahe hain.
Aap chahein toh kisi trusted friend ya family member se baat karein jinke saamne aap khul ke apne doubts rakh sakti hain. Agar kisi se baat karna mushkil hai, toh aap kisi therapist ya counselor se confidentially baat karke apne emotions ko clear kar sakti hain.
Sabse zaruri baat yeh hai: aapko koi aisi shaadi nahi karni chahiye jismein aap respected, secure aur emotionally valued feel na karein. Agar abhi se aapko lag raha hai ki yeh rishta sirf ek taraf se hi chala jaa raha hai, toh yeh time hai sochne ka — kyunki baad mein sab kuch aur complicated ho sakta hai.
Aapka sukoon aur self-respect kisi bhi rishton se upar hai. Shaadi tabhi honi chahiye jab aap dil se “haan” keh sakein — sirf logon ke kehne se nahi.
Answered on May 23, 2025
Asked by Anonymous - May 16, 2025
Ma'am
The guy who had a fight with my husband over a text asking him why he stare became a matter of dispute between my husband and that married neighbourhood guy. He thinks m the one flirting with him Over msgs. He still crosses and pass very closely with my husband while going for an evening walk. He is not troubling me and my daughter anymore. He is just busy with my husband now. He would always walk across us. I don't know what else he wants . Do u think my husband should talk with him or wr just have to ignore him. ???
Ans: whether your husband should confront him or ignore him, it depends on what the goal is. If your husband is calm and emotionally steady enough to have a neutral, non-confrontational conversation just to clear the air and draw a respectful boundary, that can be effective. But if there’s any chance the talk would escalate into another argument, it’s better not to feed into the tension. A calm discussion works only when both sides are open to resolution. Otherwise, it can do more harm than good.
Ignoring him, on the other hand, might feel unsatisfying in the short term but often proves to be the most mature and self-protective path in the long run. Some people thrive on reaction. When they don’t get one, they eventually stop trying.
The deeper work here is about your family’s emotional boundaries. Keep your focus on your husband, your daughter, and your home’s peace. Don’t let someone else’s unresolved emotions hijack your daily life. If this man isn't actively threatening or interfering anymore, let silence and indifference be your strength. Let your husband know that you trust his judgment but also encourage him to respond from a place of calm—not pride or anger.
Sometimes, the most powerful message you can send to people like this is that they no longer hold any space in your mind, heart, or life. Peace is more powerful than confrontation.
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Ignoring him, on the other hand, might feel unsatisfying in the short term but often proves to be the most mature and self-protective path in the long run. Some people thrive on reaction. When they don’t get one, they eventually stop trying.
The deeper work here is about your family’s emotional boundaries. Keep your focus on your husband, your daughter, and your home’s peace. Don’t let someone else’s unresolved emotions hijack your daily life. If this man isn't actively threatening or interfering anymore, let silence and indifference be your strength. Let your husband know that you trust his judgment but also encourage him to respond from a place of calm—not pride or anger.
Sometimes, the most powerful message you can send to people like this is that they no longer hold any space in your mind, heart, or life. Peace is more powerful than confrontation.
Answered on May 23, 2025
Asked by Anonymous - May 08, 2025
My age was only 23 when my mother left this world. Me & my father were alone after my mother. My father was asking me for marriage, so that a girl can come in our home & manage household chores, but I wanted to focus on my career for at least 6 more years. That's why I denied. We somehow managed for 1 year after my mother left us, but after that my father couldn't wait more & started pressuring me to marriage. I was still not ready. So, my father found a girl for himself. Co-incidence was that the girl was just 1 year elder than me. My father's master plan was that he will make us pretend that it's my wife in front of the world because of his reputation. I liked the idea & the girl was also ready. Don't know how that girl was convinced to marry my father. She is from decent family. Even her parents don't know that my father is her real husband. So, my father made me married to her in front of all. We managed everything excellently from all the rituals to our relatives. We acted well. In front of the world & in papers, she was my wife, but biologically she became my step mother. They got 2 children in 6 to 8 years, but I got stuck without marriage because according to everyone I am married. Now, I am 39 now & my father also left this world last year. I am unmarried & she (step mother) is a widow. Me & her both are feeling alone in this world without a partner. My step mother suggested if she can become my real wife. We both like each other's company but I don't know if there will be any consequences in the future. Nobody will say anything because nobody knows the truth except both of us. Divorce is not a good option because there are children. What do you suggest ??
Ans: You and your stepmother have lived closely for nearly 15 years. In the eyes of society and the law, you are her husband. Biologically and ethically, you are not. But even so, the psychological, emotional, and social dimensions of this relationship are not simple. If you now consider taking the relationship from a false facade to a genuine romantic partnership, you must consider the following carefully:
Have both of you truly processed the emotional weight of what that would mean—not just for yourselves, but for the two children who know her as their mother and you as their father, even if they are aware of none of this complex history? Would a shift from this protective illusion to a real romantic relationship feel emotionally clean—or does it risk carrying guilt, confusion, or emotional baggage for either of you?
The question isn’t just whether “no one will know”—it’s whether you both will be emotionally at peace with this decision for the rest of your lives. Love, affection, companionship—these are valid and beautiful needs at your age. You deserve them. But they must come without a shadow of unresolved complexity or psychological discomfort, especially when children are involved.
You also need to think carefully about legality. Though this woman is not your biological wife, official records reflect her as such. If you move forward as a real couple, you’re essentially formalizing a previously informal truth—but you’re also deepening a secret. Is that a foundation you feel secure building a life on?
Here’s a suggestion: take a pause. Sit down with her—openly, with honesty—and explore whether this desire is rooted in genuine romantic connection, or whether it’s stemming from a shared loneliness and long companionship. The difference is critical.
You are both allowed to seek love and connection. But you must do it in a way that honors truth, emotional clarity, and long-term peace. If you sense even the slightest doubt or emotional confusion from either of you, it might be better to redefine your relationship in a healthier, more truthful way—not necessarily romantic, but meaningful, supportive, and free of secrets.
You’ve already sacrificed enough of your personal life for others. Now is the time to choose a future that is deeply your own—and built on honesty, not just convenience or secrecy.
(more)
Have both of you truly processed the emotional weight of what that would mean—not just for yourselves, but for the two children who know her as their mother and you as their father, even if they are aware of none of this complex history? Would a shift from this protective illusion to a real romantic relationship feel emotionally clean—or does it risk carrying guilt, confusion, or emotional baggage for either of you?
The question isn’t just whether “no one will know”—it’s whether you both will be emotionally at peace with this decision for the rest of your lives. Love, affection, companionship—these are valid and beautiful needs at your age. You deserve them. But they must come without a shadow of unresolved complexity or psychological discomfort, especially when children are involved.
You also need to think carefully about legality. Though this woman is not your biological wife, official records reflect her as such. If you move forward as a real couple, you’re essentially formalizing a previously informal truth—but you’re also deepening a secret. Is that a foundation you feel secure building a life on?
Here’s a suggestion: take a pause. Sit down with her—openly, with honesty—and explore whether this desire is rooted in genuine romantic connection, or whether it’s stemming from a shared loneliness and long companionship. The difference is critical.
You are both allowed to seek love and connection. But you must do it in a way that honors truth, emotional clarity, and long-term peace. If you sense even the slightest doubt or emotional confusion from either of you, it might be better to redefine your relationship in a healthier, more truthful way—not necessarily romantic, but meaningful, supportive, and free of secrets.
You’ve already sacrificed enough of your personal life for others. Now is the time to choose a future that is deeply your own—and built on honesty, not just convenience or secrecy.
Answered on May 23, 2025
Asked by Anonymous - May 11, 2025
Hello ma'am! I live with my wife, daughter and in-laws in a flat allotted to my wife. In-laws are living with us for the last 8 years. They came to help during the early years of daughter. But they stayed. Over the last few years my relationship with my wife and of course in-laws has turned sour. We often fight and these don't get resolved easily. Most of the decisions are taken by them. I often feel like an outside person. My contribution has gone down both financially and physically. I tried to persuade my wife to move some where else but she refused. Discussed the same with in-laws but surprisingly accused me of playing tactics to make my wife follow my terms. The child over the years seeing all this follows only her mother. No one seems to be interested in any remedial measures. Wife (multiple times) and father in law have suggested divorce. Despite all this and multiple discussions with wife things are not moving forward. My parents don't support separation at this moment. Completely puzzled how to move forward. [I am 47 years old]
Ans: At this stage, you are not just puzzled—you are emotionally stuck. So here’s what you need: clarity, not just from them, but from yourself. Ask yourself, truly and without fear—can I continue to live like this for the next 5 or 10 years? Is preserving this situation in its current form serving anyone’s emotional well-being, especially your own?
You don’t need to rush into decisions, but you do need to step into a position of emotional self-respect. You have the right to seek peace, meaning, and mutual respect in a marriage—and if that space no longer exists in your current home, then you are justified in seeking a new one. Sometimes, the courage to choose your own sanity is the first real step forward.
Whether that means separation, legal counseling, or even mediated family intervention, it’s time to act—not just wait. You’ve already been told where they stand. The question now is: where do you stand, and what are you willing to accept for the rest of your life?
The answer may not be easy, but it will be yours—and that is the beginning of reclaiming your strength and direction.
You don’t need to rush into decisions, but you do need to step into a position of emotional self-respect. You have the right to seek peace, meaning, and mutual respect in a marriage—and if that space no longer exists in your current home, then you are justified in seeking a new one. Sometimes, the courage to choose your own sanity is the first real step forward.
Whether that means separation, legal counseling, or even mediated family intervention, it’s time to act—not just wait. You’ve already been told where they stand. The question now is: where do you stand, and what are you willing to accept for the rest of your life?
The answer may not be easy, but it will be yours—and that is the beginning of reclaiming your strength and direction.
Asked on - May 23, 2025 | Answered on May 25, 2025
Thanks
Ans: best wishes
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