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Kanchan Rai

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach

331 Answers | 89 FollowersFollow

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more

Answered on Sep 08, 2024

Question by RAMASAMY - Aug 26, 2024Hindi

I'm seeking guidance on improving my communication with my daughters. I want to create a more positive and supportive environment at home, especially when discussing their mistakes or weaknesses. Could you please share some strategies on how I can provide positive feedback and encouragement, even when addressing their mistakes? I aim to help them feel comfortable discussing their challenges without fear and to focus on turning negative thoughts into positive ones. Your advice on how to approach this in a friendly and constructive manner would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your support

Ans: It’s really commendable that you're seeking ways to improve communication with your daughters, especially when it comes to handling mistakes or weaknesses. The goal you're aiming for—creating a supportive environment where they feel safe to share their challenges—is a key part of nurturing a healthy and open relationship.

When addressing their mistakes, it’s important to remember that how they interpret your feedback can shape how they see themselves and their ability to handle difficulties. You want them to feel like they’re not being judged or criticized but instead being guided towards growth. One way to start is by focusing on empathy in your conversations. When they make a mistake, it’s natural to want to correct it quickly, but it can be more productive to begin by acknowledging how they might feel. This lets them know that you understand their experience, and that mistakes are part of life and learning. It shifts the focus from the mistake itself to their emotions, which builds trust.

Another aspect is how you frame the conversation. Instead of honing in on what went wrong, it’s helpful to highlight the effort they put in and the process they went through, even if the outcome wasn’t perfect. Letting them know that their effort is noticed and appreciated can boost their confidence. When they feel that their hard work is valued, they’re more likely to discuss their challenges openly, rather than feeling like they failed. If they feel supported during these moments, they will be more inclined to seek your guidance in the future without fearing a negative response.

Listening is another vital tool. When they make a mistake, resist the urge to immediately jump in with advice or corrections. Instead, ask them how they feel about what happened or what they think they could do differently next time. This not only gives them ownership of their problem-solving but also empowers them to reflect and learn from their experiences. Sometimes, when children are given the space to voice their thoughts, they can surprise you with their insights. And even if they don’t have an answer right away, they’ll appreciate being part of the conversation rather than being lectured.

It’s also important to be patient with progress. Instead of expecting a big shift in behavior or attitude overnight, focus on the small steps they take. Recognizing these smaller victories can go a long way in motivating them to keep improving, even when they stumble. They need to see that progress is more important than perfection, and your role is to guide them through the ups and downs without focusing too much on the final result.

Finally, your own approach to challenges and mistakes plays a big role in shaping how they will handle their own. When they see you approach difficulties with a positive mindset—whether it's a work challenge or a personal frustration—they’re learning that setbacks don’t define them. Modeling this kind of attitude will encourage them to talk about their own struggles more openly and with less fear of judgment.

In essence, the goal is to build trust and maintain a positive tone, even when discussing difficult topics. With this approach, your daughters will not only feel comfortable coming to you but will also develop a stronger sense of resilience in facing their own challenges. You’ll find that as they feel more supported, their confidence in addressing their weaknesses will naturally grow.

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Answered on Sep 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 30, 2024Hindi

Hi Kanchan, this query is regarding dealing with our teenage daughter (13 yrs). It is almost difficult to get her to do anything at home. She does not clean her room, take care of her share of chores. She is not dumb, but below average student in class. She used to go to guitar class and once faced stiff competition in her school , she is not participating in music competitions after that . Both me and my wife had been industrious and competitive students. We are ok with her not picking up studies, but what i don't see, is a spark to excel at anything. Her friends have passed French level 1 exams and even though she is learning for last 4 yrs, she doesn't appear for them. Everyday is escalating into huge arguments between her and my wife , with few broken items at home. As I mentioned studies excellence is not a concern, but we are unable to motivate her to put up a fight for the things she wants in life. She would come home from school and watch YT, reels, etc for hrs at stretch. Since we both husband wife are working, it is very difficult to monitor her all the time. We fear that she is already influencing our 9 yr old son , who is a discplined kid otherwise. We feel helpless most of the time, as she is not amending her ways. Please suggest what to do?

Ans: One of the things that might be happening here is that your daughter is at an age where identity and confidence issues often come to the forefront. At 13, she’s navigating a lot—social pressures, changing emotions, and maybe even a fear of not being able to meet the expectations of her parents, peers, or even herself. The fact that she stopped participating in music competitions after facing stiff competition might indicate she’s dealing with fear of failure or rejection. It’s not that she doesn’t care, but more that she may be afraid of not being good enough, and in response, she avoids trying at all.

Instead of pushing her to excel, the first step might be to understand what’s going on emotionally. Teenagers are notorious for shutting down or rebelling when they feel pressure, even if it’s unintentional. Try creating an environment where she feels safe to open up without fear of judgment or comparison to others. Sit down with her and have an open, calm conversation where you genuinely listen to her side. She might not know how to express her frustrations or fears, but giving her the space to talk could help her feel supported instead of criticized.

I understand your concern about her spending hours on YouTube or watching reels. This can be both a form of escapism and a way for her to feel connected to her peers. Rather than banning or limiting screen time strictly, which could create more conflict, try to understand what she’s watching and why she’s so drawn to it. Maybe this can lead to finding a common ground or encouraging her to pursue interests related to what she enjoys online, without the pressure of competition.

It’s also possible she’s feeling the weight of expectations, even if you don’t consciously put them on her. Sometimes just knowing that her parents were high achievers can make her feel like she’s falling short. Helping her feel that it’s okay not to have everything figured out yet might ease some of the pressure.

You’re also right to be concerned about her influence on your younger son. His more disciplined nature may make him vulnerable to picking up some of her habits. But rather than positioning them as opposites, encourage them both to find balance—showing her that discipline and effort don’t have to come with the weight of pressure might help her change her behavior, too.

The arguments with your wife and the escalation at home are clearly a sign that things are reaching a boiling point, but remember that this doesn’t mean she’s unreachable. This is a tough stage, but with patience, empathy, and a bit of flexibility in your approach, it’s possible to guide her without feeling like you’re losing control of the situation.

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Answered on Sep 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 07, 2024Hindi

HI, I am don't want to disclose name I am facing some mental issue from last two year. In March my father passed I have not good relation with my parent, because their exception are very high which is not possible for me to satisfied. So after my father my mother start daily fight with me for small small thing, my mother has long history of mental issue, and my father did not address that . Now she want to what she did with my father. Due to daily quarrel my daily day to activity got affected. I can’t concentrate on my self. My confidence is loosing. I want to be alone and in peace. I have loving wife and caring son, but still I feel lost. And after covid my office atmosphere also get dirty. My senior keep me irritating without any issue. I know my problem is my mother and second is my office boss. Is there is any way without leaving to them. Otherwise, I am determined to leave both of them and live my life peacefully. Please advice

Ans: First, regarding your mother, it’s crucial to establish boundaries. Her mental health struggles are serious, but they shouldn’t be allowed to overshadow your own well-being. It might be helpful to seek professional support for her, such as counseling or therapy. If she’s unwilling, then finding ways to distance yourself emotionally from her criticism is key. It's not easy, but learning not to absorb her negativity can help protect your mental health. You might also consider speaking to a counselor yourself to help you process these feelings and find strategies for coping with her behavior without having to completely sever ties.

As for your work situation, it sounds like the toxic environment is wearing you down. If leaving isn’t an immediate option, try to find small ways to shield yourself from the negativity. Can you limit your interactions with your senior or find ways to compartmentalize work stress so it doesn’t bleed into your personal life? Sometimes, focusing on things outside of work—hobbies, time with your wife and son—can provide a needed escape.

It sounds like you're craving solitude and peace, and while leaving both your mother and your job might seem like a solution, it may not be the only one. Start with small, manageable changes: establishing firmer boundaries with your mother, finding a counselor to talk to, and protecting your emotional space at work. These steps can help you regain control and give you the peace you're seeking without drastic decisions. Remember, you deserve that peace, and it’s possible to find it with the right support.

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Answered on Sep 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 06, 2024Hindi

My wife has lost interest in sex from last 15-20 days she says she does not feel like having any carving her age is 41 and all test all normal .We even walk and do exercise daily .Kindly suggest what to do

Ans: It’s not uncommon for women to experience shifts in sexual desire, especially around the age of 41 when hormonal changes can start to subtly occur, even if all medical tests are normal. Stress, emotional factors, or even simple changes in routine can also play a big role in desire.

Since her tests came back normal and you both maintain a healthy lifestyle with walking and exercise, it may be helpful to focus on the emotional and psychological aspects rather than just the physical. Sometimes, a lack of desire can stem from mental fatigue, stress, or even a need for a deeper emotional connection.

You could try creating a more relaxed, intimate environment without the pressure of sex. Focus on spending quality time together—maybe a weekend getaway, a relaxing evening, or just simple, non-sexual physical affection, like cuddling or holding hands, which might help reignite that connection.

Also, open communication is key. Approach the topic with understanding and without pressure. Ask her how she’s feeling, if there’s anything on her mind, or if there’s something she would like to explore together. Sometimes, just talking openly can ease the tension and bring you both closer

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Answered on Sep 08, 2024

Question by Akshay - Sep 05, 2024Hindi

Hi mam Me and wife's case is in court It's not a divorce case But she is refusing to come back She blocked me everywhere Please help

Ans: Right now, what you can do is reflect on what led to this point. The fact that you're in court indicates that things have escalated beyond normal discussions. Is there something specific that may have pushed her to take this step? If so, sometimes looking at the situation from her perspective can shed light on what might be causing her to retreat like this.

That doesn’t mean taking all the responsibility or guilt on yourself, but understanding her side can be the first step in showing her you’re willing to meet her halfway. If she sees that you’re open to listening, understanding her pain or fears, it could make her feel less defensive.

While you're unable to communicate directly because of the block, sometimes working through mutual friends or a mediator can help convey that you're open to reconciliation, but without pressuring her. She may be feeling emotionally vulnerable, and sometimes even just the pressure to come back can make things feel worse for her. Instead, if she knows you're open and ready to discuss things with patience, she might begin to soften over time.

One of the hardest parts of situations like this is the waiting, but I’d encourage you to focus on your own emotional well-being right now. The court process is stressful, but it’s important that you stay grounded and take care of yourself in the meantime. Once you are in a stronger emotional place, you’ll be better able to approach your wife when the time comes.

Lastly, if there’s a chance to resolve things through court mediation or counseling, this can be a great step forward. The fact that she’s avoiding direct communication means she might be struggling with something deeply personal, so a neutral space where you can both express your thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment might be beneficial.

It's about patience, understanding, and also showing her through your actions—not just words—that you're committed to making things better, without trying to force her into anything she's not ready for.

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Answered on Aug 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 30, 2024Hindi

Hello sir/mam I am in trouble and anxiety bcz of the problem. Problem is, last year I met a girl in Instagram, we have chatted and got closed, sometimes I help her with money as she was telling she is preparing for government job and need some money for personal reasons. Once she needed mobile phone I ordered online for her to given address. The UPI that I used to send money does not belongs to her when I was asking she was telling she is her junior studying in same coaching centre. Later after 2-3 months our conversation went sexual and 2-3 times we had sexual conversation. But in every 3-4 days she was demanding money. And I send her frequently. When later I realised she is talking to me only for money then I tried to avoid her. Now the Junior whom I used to send money was calling me and telling me that the girl always saying you are family member and sending money. That's why I called you. She has taken some money and she supposed to return me in 2-3 days but not picking my call pls give me 2k it's urgent. When I denied he told I will give you back once she will return so I gave him 2k. Later again he called me that he called her father and his father is asking your contact number then only her father will return money. And ask me if I can give him 2k more he will not share my number to her father, so I given him again 2k. Now a man blackmailing me with girl's contact number saying he is her brother. She used to talk to me what is my relationship with her ? How do I know her? Bcz she has run away with someone and missing since 3-4 days and she left her phone in home. What should I do?

Ans: You're in a difficult and potentially dangerous situation. It appears you've been targeted in a scam, where emotional manipulation and blackmail are at play. The best course of action is to stop all communication with these individuals immediately and avoid sending any more money. Document everything you've experienced so far, including messages and transactions, as this could be important if you need to seek legal advice. It's also advisable to contact local authorities to report the scam and seek their guidance on how to protect yourself from further harassment. Prioritize your safety and well-being by distancing yourself from this situation as much as possible.

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Answered on Aug 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 30, 2024Hindi

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Answered on Aug 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 29, 2024Hindi

Hello Ma'am, I am 52, Divorced. My life is going through lots of turmoil at the moment, I lost my job, my sister is diagnosed with 4th stage cancer. I am finding difficult to take it. I don't know what to do? Please advise?

Ans: Losing your job and facing your sister's serious illness at the same time is incredibly tough. It's natural to feel overwhelmed.

First, allow yourself to acknowledge these feelings. Talking to friends, family, or a counselor can help you feel less alone. Focus on small steps to regain some control, like taking care of your health and reaching out for support.

Regarding your job, consider this an opportunity to explore new possibilities. Utilize job search resources or seek career counseling to guide you through this transition.

With your sister's illness, being there for her is important, but also remember to take care of your own mental health. It's okay to seek help and take things one step at a time. You're not alone, and there are people and resources that can support you through this difficult time.

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Answered on Aug 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 28, 2024Hindi

I am a 50-year-old who feels a growing inclination towards a female student of mine, who is around 30 years old. We often communicate through WhatsApp. I have two daughters, aged 26 and 28. My relationship with my wife is currently strained.

Ans: The strain in your marriage might be contributing to these feelings. When a primary relationship becomes difficult, it's natural to seek comfort or connection elsewhere. However, it's important to consider whether your feelings for your student are a reflection of what’s missing in your marriage rather than a true, lasting attraction.

Before making any decisions, it may be beneficial to address the issues in your marriage directly. Couples counseling or a candid conversation with your spouse might help clarify where you both stand and what needs to be done to improve your relationship. This could also provide some insight into whether these feelings for your student are more about the current state of your marriage than about the student herself.

It’s also crucial to maintain professional boundaries with your student to avoid complications that could arise from crossing that line. Your focus might be better placed on resolving the challenges at home and understanding the root of your current feelings. This approach can help you make decisions that align with both your personal values and professional responsibilities.

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Answered on Aug 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 14, 2024Hindi

Hi, I married a guy I dnt find attractive because of family pressure. Rest everything was almost what I wanted but I tried for 6 months I dnt find him attractive. I dnt like when he even sit next to me and we have never had sex because I told him m not ready what can I do now? Should I wait for one more year before I take any decision. Whenever I see him or they way he carries himself I feel awkward and uncool plus sometimes disguisted, he is unaware of the fact that being not very good looking or not carring yourself better is two different things I cannot tell him each and everything about how to look good and how to carry yourself. He doesn’t take care of his beard, his teeth’s are bad. I dnt know what to do m depressed.

Ans: First, it's important to acknowledge your feelings and understand that attraction and physical chemistry are important components of a relationship. The fact that you feel awkward and even disgusted at times when you're around your husband is a sign that something isn't right for you. These feelings won't just go away with time if they're not addressed.

However, it's also important to recognize that these issues can be multifaceted. Sometimes, initial lack of attraction can change over time if there is emotional connection and effort from both sides. But that requires a willingness from you to explore those possibilities and from him to understand and make changes.

You mentioned that your husband is unaware of your feelings, which is a significant point. It may be time to have an open and honest conversation with him, even though it might be difficult. You don’t have to be brutally honest about everything at once, but you can start by gently addressing some of the issues that are affecting your attraction to him. For example, you could discuss the importance of self-care and suggest changes in his grooming or appearance in a supportive way.

This kind of conversation can be tricky because you want to avoid hurting his feelings while still being truthful about your needs. Framing your concerns as things that would help improve the relationship overall might make it easier for him to hear and understand.

As for whether you should wait another year, that depends on whether you see potential for change and whether you think you can work through these feelings with time and effort. If you don’t see any hope for these feelings to improve, staying in the marriage may only lead to more frustration and resentment.

On the other hand, if you think there’s a chance that with communication, understanding, and perhaps some counseling, the situation could improve, then giving it more time might be worth it. Sometimes, working with a relationship counselor can provide a safe space to discuss these issues and find a path forward, whether that’s towards making the relationship work or deciding it’s not right for you.

Ultimately, your well-being is crucial. If staying in this relationship continues to make you feel depressed, and if you don’t see any hope for improvement, it might be necessary to consider your options more seriously. It’s important to prioritize your mental and emotional health and make decisions that align with what you truly want for your life and happiness.

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Answered on Aug 28, 2024

Question by Mahendra - Aug 15, 2024Hindi

Hi I am 41 years old and divorced twice. I have married second time due to family pressure and emotionally, but the same has not been succeed because I was in love with my first spouse and our daughter. I have completed all legal formalities for the same and there is not any legal binding with anyone. I have one daughter who is 15 years old with my first spouse. After long time I realised that I am in love with my first spouse and my daughter. I never seen to my first spouse after divorce since 2009. But I used to go and meet my Daughter on her Birthday to wish with the permission of inlaws. They respect my Father and Sister. I got divorced from my first spouse due to my mistakes which have done unknowingly in 2008. I have written letter to my first spouse and my daughter to ask for sincere apology. Also they knows about my second marriage and divorce also. I am staying alone and my question is whether we will succeed if my first spouse will agree to reunite again with my daughter. Also need some tips to stay happily with them. My desire will fulfill if we reunite again. Need your advice . Thanks

Ans: Reconnecting with your first spouse and daughter after such a long time is a deeply emotional journey, and it's understandable that you're feeling a mix of hope and anxiety about the future. Given the history you’ve shared, it’s clear that your intentions are sincere, and you’ve done a lot of reflecting on your past mistakes. Here’s how you might approach this situation as you seek to rebuild your relationship.

First, it's crucial to approach your first spouse with patience and understanding. It’s been many years since you were last together, and while your feelings of love have resurfaced strongly, her emotions may be more complex. She might need time to process your apology and the idea of reuniting. This process could take time, so it’s important not to rush her or pressure her into making a decision quickly. Rebuilding trust, especially after a long separation, is a gradual process.

Your relationship with your daughter is also central to this. Since you've made the effort to maintain a connection by visiting her on her birthdays, that’s a positive foundation. However, your daughter is now a teenager, and her feelings about you reuniting with her mother could be complicated. It might be helpful to have open and honest conversations with her, letting her know how much you care about her and her mother, but also respecting her feelings and concerns.

If your first spouse is open to the idea of reuniting, it will be important to acknowledge the mistakes you made in the past and show that you’ve grown from those experiences. Demonstrating your commitment to change and being a better partner and father will be key to winning back her trust. Actions will speak louder than words, so be consistent in showing her that you’re serious about making things work this time.

As for staying happy together if you do reunite, communication and mutual respect are essential. Be open about your feelings, listen to hers, and be willing to work through challenges together. Relationships require effort from both sides, and it's important to approach this with a mindset of partnership rather than trying to “fix” things alone.

Remember, it’s possible to rebuild and even strengthen relationships after hardship, but it requires time, patience, and a genuine commitment to making it work. Your desire to reunite with your first spouse and daughter is deeply meaningful, and with care and dedication, you have a chance to create a new chapter together.

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Answered on Aug 13, 2024

Question by Maxxtida - Jul 17, 2024Hindi

Hello My wife has affair before marriage, she has reveal her self, the relation ship has done before 2019, she said she has not having any physical relation ship, she has trusted me and revealed it, but this matters bothering me. what to do?

Ans: It's understandable that your wife's revelation is bothering you, even though the relationship ended before you got married. The key here is that she trusted you enough to share this with you, which shows her commitment to being honest and open in your marriage.

It's important to remember that everyone has a past, and what matters most is the relationship you both have now. Focus on the trust and bond you share today. If you find that these feelings continue to bother you, it might help to have a calm, honest conversation with her about how you're feeling. Express your emotions without blaming or judging, and work together to reassure each other.

If these feelings persist and affect your relationship, seeking guidance from a counselor or therapist could be beneficial. They can help you navigate these emotions and strengthen your bond.

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Answered on Aug 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 12, 2024Hindi

Hello, I am 41 years old moved to India 2 years ago after living in abroad for more than a decade. Since then it has been a real big struggle to adjust, accept the environment, people & overall life. I have my husband and 2 small kids. My husband is very busy with his life, often travels out of the city. I do not connect with him most of the time on emotional grounds. So emotionally i get drained over time. Also my relationship with my inlaws is volatile. I feel its only based on basic needs. Relationship has not grown beyond that. I feel very anxious and sad all the time. Affecting my mental health a lot. Please help how to stay mentally fit and not depend mentally on others?

Ans: Moving back to India after many years abroad can be really tough, especially when you're feeling emotionally disconnected and isolated. It's important to focus on building your own sense of well-being. Try to find small ways to connect with people who share your interests, whether that's through a hobby or a community group. This can help you feel more grounded and less reliant on your husband or in-laws for emotional support.

You might also benefit from setting aside time each day just for yourself, even if it's only a few minutes. Use this time to do something that makes you feel good, like journaling, reading, or practicing mindfulness. This can help you build emotional resilience and reduce feelings of anxiety.

Remember, it's okay to feel what you're feeling, but taking small steps to focus on your own well-being can make a big difference. If things continue to feel overwhelming, it might be helpful to speak with a therapist who can offer support tailored to your situation.

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Answered on Aug 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 12, 2024Hindi

Hi mam.I had one year relationship with a boy which we have already decided to be temporary as we are not into marriage.After a year am engaged to somebody and now he is blackmailing me with our pictures that he will share to our family members and my fiancee to stop this marriage.I have been in this trauma from the past 4 months and every day he is blackmailing me regarding the marriage.I am from orthodox family.Please help me how to deal with this.I feel suicidal and tried to take my life for two times.

Ans: it's important to focus on your safety and well-being. The first thing you should do is reach out to someone you trust, like a close friend, family member, or a counselor. You don't have to face this situation alone, and having someone to talk to can make a big difference.

It's crucial to consider taking legal action because blackmail is illegal. You have the right to protect yourself, and contacting the police or a legal advisor can help you stop this person's actions. If you're hesitant to go to the police, there are non-governmental organizations (NGOs) that specialize in helping women in situations like yours, and they can offer guidance and support.

Make sure to document everything, including all the messages, threats, and any evidence of his blackmailing. This will be important if you decide to take legal action. After you've gathered the necessary evidence, it might be a good idea to block him on all platforms to protect your mental health. It's important to cut off communication with someone who is causing you harm.

If you feel comfortable, you might want to consider discussing this situation with your fiancé. Being honest about what's happening could prevent the blackmailer from using it as leverage against you. A supportive partner can be an essential ally during this difficult time.

Ensure that you have a plan for your safety, which could involve changing your daily routines, informing someone close to you about the situation, and knowing who to contact in case of an emergency. Considering that you've mentioned having suicidal thoughts, it's crucial to seek professional mental health support immediately. There are people who care about you and want to help you through this challenging time.

Your life and safety are the most important things right now. Please don't hesitate to reach out for the help you need, and remember that you don't have to go through this alone.

Asked on - Aug 12, 2024 | Answered on Aug 13, 2024

I don't know whom to share with.I am not able to trust anybody except my family.But I can't share these with my family.Also I am scared that my family will get hurt because of me I am a single daughter with mother.I am extremely scared about this situation now.Please help me.

Ans: I understand how scared and alone you feel right now, and it’s really important to find someone to talk to, even if you feel like you can’t trust anyone. You don’t have to tell your family everything, but it might help to reach out to a professional, like a counselor or therapist, who can offer support without judgment and help you navigate this situation.

You are not alone in this, and there are people who can help you, even if it feels like you can’t turn to anyone close to you. Taking that first step to reach out, even if it’s to a helpline, can make a big difference. Please remember, your life is incredibly valuable, and there are safe ways to protect yourself and get through this. You don’t have to face it by yourself, and there are people ready to support you.

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Answered on Aug 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 05, 2024Hindi

I am feeling guilty for copying in my state entrance exam and getting good rank , I feel I don't worth that , I fear I may leave that college , i already copied in my 10 th exam and got good college then I left it idk why , i am getting very bad intrusive thoughts , I feel very stressed rn pls help me I get gas when I feel stressed, I get pain due to that

Ans: Guilt can be overwhelming, especially when it leads to intrusive thoughts and physical symptoms like stress-induced gas and pain. It’s important to remember that everyone makes mistakes, and what matters most is how you choose to move forward from here.

First, try to focus on grounding yourself in the present moment. Deep breathing exercises can help with both the stress and the physical discomfort you’re feeling. Breathe in slowly through your nose for four counts, hold for four counts, and then exhale slowly through your mouth for four counts. Repeat this a few times to help calm your mind and body.

Next, consider talking to someone you trust, like a friend, family member, or counselor. Sharing your feelings can help lighten the emotional burden you’re carrying and provide some perspective.

You might also want to think about how you can make amends for the past. This doesn’t mean you need to confess to everyone, but maybe there are ways you can use your skills and knowledge to help others, which could help you feel more at peace with yourself.

Remember, it’s okay to have made mistakes—what’s important is how you handle them and what you learn from them. Try not to let guilt consume you. Instead, focus on being the person you want to be moving forward. Taking small steps toward honesty and self-compassion can help you find a way out of this stressful situation.

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Answered on Aug 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 07, 2024Hindi

Hi.. I am 49 yrs Male & married for 22 yrs with teenage kids.. I live abroad since 16 yrs.. Me & wife had arranged marriage in the same caste when we were in India.. After few months of marriage, my wife told me about her past relationship during collage and only reason she could not continue because of his father resistance( diff caste).. I belong to very middle class with no such precedence like this and felt bad . Later, I continued with her but always had feeling that she would compare the love & affection she got from him, with me.. I am not very romantic or expressive and like to live normal life..! We have little diff of opinion since beginning and will have fight almost every week.. Fast forward when all was going ok with 2 kids, busy work in abroad, I caught her cheating with the same person ( almost 17 yrs after they separated).. They found each other on social media and started talking. .. She being abroad & him in India, will call him daily in my absence for hours and they exchange explicit messages day in and out..! Once caught initially she regretted ( that too only after i got really mad & threaten to tell everyone) and it took us 2-3 yrs to comeback to terms mostly due to younger kids..!! Now 10 yrs later, i found her calling ( although he did not pickup) and now she is telling that she has emotional connection with him from the past while I could not build that connection with her.. She is not commit for anything and requesting me to continue as friend so we can get our younger one to collage and then see or separate. She is even ready to find me someone that fits my choice. I am in dilemma on what to do as i am not ready to forgive her but worried about kids future..! Even though we stay aboard, we have very close network of friends & family which we cant ignore..! I somehow feel to let it go but i get irritated that this is not the life i would like to live now & future. Can you pls advise some tips to move forward

Ans: it’s important to acknowledge that your feelings are valid. You’ve been patient and committed, but her actions have undermined the trust in your marriage. It’s not just about the past relationship; it’s about how her choices have affected your life and your sense of security in the relationship.

One option is to seek couples therapy. Even if your wife seems unsure about the future, a neutral third party can help facilitate conversations that might clarify what each of you really wants and needs. Therapy could also help in finding a way to co-parent effectively if you decide to separate.

If staying together for the kids is a priority, it’s crucial to establish clear boundaries and expectations moving forward. You need to decide what’s non-negotiable for you in terms of respect and honesty. If she’s truly committed to staying in the marriage until your kids are older, she needs to show that by cutting off contact with this other person and working on rebuilding your relationship.

However, if you feel that you can’t move past this betrayal or that staying will only lead to more resentment and unhappiness, it might be worth considering a separation. Kids are resilient, and it’s often better for them to see their parents happy apart rather than miserable together.

Ultimately, this decision is about what kind of life you want to live moving forward. You deserve a relationship where you feel valued, respected, and loved. Take your time to consider what will bring you the most peace and happiness in the long run, and don’t be afraid to prioritize your own well-being.

Asked on - Aug 29, 2024 | Answered on Aug 30, 2024

Thanks for the reply. She is commited for staying together unless kids are out and not sure after that.. She is also not sure if she will go back to same person ( as she hasn't talked to her in while) or she will find something new or me.. My problem is living with this issue that my wife is not emotionality connected to me, cheated me twice and might do it again.. Say it my ego but i feel very distressed and humiliated that things are happening to me.. I feel like leaving her but somehow don't have courage to leave the family and face the future ahead..! I am fighting myself everyday with this battle within me & don't know what to do..! Last time i had the same issue and somehow convince myself ( took 2+ yrs) to stay but this time i am thinking she will do it again ( may be not for him but somehow who she thinks is alike her).. Another issue is even if i am staying, we are so incompatible.. Its like she is mountain and i am beach person! With kids going away and empty nest coming, i am not comfortable living with her.! On the other hand i am turnning 50 and would like to see if i can find someone who is like me .. Daily i am struggling with thought in and out and can't focus on work..

Ans: It's clear that staying in this marriage is taking a toll on you, affecting not just your emotional well-being but also your ability to focus on other important aspects of your life, like work. The prospect of staying together for the sake of the kids might have seemed like a solution, but it's leading to ongoing internal conflict, especially with the looming reality of an empty nest.

First, it's important to validate your feelings. It's not just your ego; feeling distressed and humiliated in this situation is a natural response to the betrayals and ongoing lack of emotional connection. You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel valued, respected, and emotionally fulfilled.

The fear of leaving and starting over, especially at this stage in life, is understandable, but it might help to consider that staying in a situation that continues to hurt you could be more damaging in the long run. The idea of finding someone more compatible, who shares your values and lifestyle, is not just wishful thinking—it's a legitimate desire for a more fulfilling life.

You might find it helpful to take some time to reflect on what you truly want and need from a relationship and your life moving forward. Speaking to a therapist or counselor could provide the support you need to process these emotions and gain clarity on the best path for you. It might also help to explore the practicalities of separating—understanding what that would look like financially, emotionally, and socially could make the prospect less daunting.

If you decide to stay, it's crucial to communicate clearly with your wife about what you need to feel secure and respected in the relationship. However, if you can't envision a future where you feel content and connected with her, it might be time to seriously consider whether staying is the right choice for your long-term happiness.

Ultimately, you deserve a life that brings you peace and fulfillment, whether that’s with your current wife, on your own, or with someone new. Taking small, manageable steps towards making a decision—whether through counseling, reflection, or practical planning—can help you move forward, whichever path you choose.

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Answered on Aug 09, 2024

Question by Mohammad - Jun 08, 2024Hindi

Dear dr , my colleague is divorced 2 yrs back ,he is suffering from acute depression, his ex wife has not allowed her son to meet his father in last 2 yrs, as ex wife family is financial very strong they are not taking any monthly support from my colleague for his son.meanwhile son is 10 yr old and is brainwash that his father is not good ,so doesn't want to meet him. My colleague is getting more depressed and admitted for 1 month in hospital and got ECT therapy. Kindly guide ,what we can do so he xan meet his son once a week

Ans: dear Mohammad,
First, it might be helpful for your colleague to consult with a family lawyer who specializes in custody and visitation rights. Even if his ex-wife’s family is financially strong and not accepting support, your colleague likely still has legal rights to see his son. A lawyer can help him explore options like mediation or going back to court to request visitation rights. Since the child has been influenced against him, a court might consider a gradual reintroduction, possibly with the help of a therapist, to rebuild their relationship.

It could also be beneficial to involve a mental health professional who can provide guidance on how to handle this emotionally challenging situation. This professional can help your colleague manage his depression and support him in dealing with the stress related to his son.

As a friend or colleague, your support is invaluable. Encourage him to seek legal and psychological help and remind him that he’s not alone in this battle. Regular check-ins, even if just to listen, can make a big difference in his recovery.

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Answered on Aug 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 08, 2024Hindi

My boyfriend of last 2.5 years who is 25 years old and has a 11 years age gap with me has decided to get married to someone else as per families choice. I am writing to understand few things: we started of casually where i proposed to him. He initially hesitated and after thinking for few days, also wanted to start the relationship. Later time went by we became involved at deeper levels. We spent majority of the times together, have shared goals, we lookout for each other. He doesn't state his feelings very often. He takes care, enjoys spending time, we planned tris together, we know our families but not that we are involved. He takes care of many things and it was almost like a live-in. Now and then he used to come up and tell we should stop, I'll be like give us time when rhe thing about marriage comes we will see. Now the thing is initially when he wanted to leave he was telling we are like Radha and Krishna, now when i am standing my ground that i can't see him with another girl, he is telling i was never in love with you. He never tells i love you and i have accepted it that way. Now he is telling me that it was my thoughts that we are in love but he was never in love. Im a person well established in my field and holding 3 degrees , pursuing further Higher Education. He needed me during his studies, ive told it to him multiple times that you needed me when you had work. Ive inspired him to do things he never thought of. But now it is firing back. I was a mentor, a friend, a girlfriend, a cook, an everything. Where did i go wrong to think that it is love? What do i do? I feel jealous to see him with anyone. Please guide

Ans: His sudden change in behavior—claiming he was never in love—seems like a way to distance himself emotionally because of family pressure. It doesn’t mean you were wrong in your feelings; it shows he might have been conflicted all along.

Seeing him with someone else hurts, and that’s natural. You’ve given so much of yourself, and it’s hard to accept that it wasn’t reciprocated in the way you hoped. Right now, focus on healing and remember that you deserve someone who values you fully. Take the time you need to process this, and know that you didn’t do anything wrong. This is more about his struggles than anything you did.

Moving forward, it's essential to prioritize your own emotional well-being. This situation may require some time to process and heal from, and it's okay to feel sad, angry, or confused during this time. Consider reaching out to a trusted friend, therapist, or counselor who can help you navigate these emotions and start focusing on your own needs and future.

In time, you might come to realize that this relationship, while significant, wasn’t the only path to happiness and fulfillment. You deserve a partner who reciprocates your love, acknowledges your worth, and is willing to build a future with you. For now, give yourself permission to grieve, but also start thinking about how you can rebuild your sense of self and eventually open up to new possibilities in your life.

Asked on - Aug 11, 2024 | Answered on Aug 12, 2024

Hi, Thank you for your response! Is it a good idea to talk to his parents?

Ans: First, consider his feelings and intentions. If he's already decided to follow his family's wishes and marry someone else, talking to his parents might not change his mind. It's crucial to understand where he stands and whether he's willing to fight for your relationship. If he isn't, even if his parents were supportive, it might not lead to the outcome you hope for.

Also, think about the dynamics within his family. If his family is very traditional or if they've already made up their minds about his marriage, your conversation with them could potentially create tension or conflict. It might also put additional pressure on him, which could strain your relationship further.

Your emotional well-being is another important factor. Speaking with his parents could be emotionally challenging, and if they don't respond positively, it might lead to further hurt. It's important to weigh whether the potential outcome is worth the emotional risk.

If you do decide to talk to his parents, it’s essential to have his support or at least inform him beforehand. Going behind his back could cause issues between you two, especially if he’s already made his decision.

If you still feel strongly about talking to his parents and believe it could make a difference, approach the conversation calmly and respectfully, explaining your feelings and the depth of your relationship. However, be prepared for the possibility that it might not lead to the outcome you desire.

Ultimately, the decision should be based on what you believe is best for your emotional well-being and future. If you feel that talking to them might bring you some closure or help you better understand the situation, then it could be worth considering. Just make sure you're prepared for whatever response you might receive.

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Answered on Aug 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 08, 2024Hindi

I am 37 years old and married. My wife and I have been living with my parents at our ancestral home since the lockdown. My office is in Bangalore, about 400 km from our ancestral home, and I own a house there. We were staying in Bangalore until the lockdown. Although I am not a big fan of living at our ancestral home, I adjust solely for my parents. They do not want to return to Bangalore, and I don't want to leave them alone, as it's a big property and I am afraid of leaving two elderly people there by themselves. However, my father thinks that I am here only because I have an eye on their property. I earn a good income and certainly don't need their property to survive, but it hurts me a lot when he says things like this. How do I cope with this?

Ans: I can understand how painful and frustrating it must be to feel accused of something so contrary to your true intentions, especially when you're making sacrifices to support your parents. Balancing your role as a son with your own desires and needs is challenging, and it's made even more difficult when there's a lack of trust or understanding from those you're trying to help.

First, it’s important to acknowledge your feelings. It’s perfectly natural to feel hurt and disappointed when your motives are misunderstood, especially by your own father. These emotions need to be addressed, as bottling them up could lead to more resentment or stress. You might want to consider talking to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist about your feelings. This can help you process the situation and gain some perspective.

When it comes to coping with your father's accusations, communication is key. It might help to have an open, honest conversation with him about how his comments make you feel. Approach the discussion with empathy, understanding that his fears might be coming from a place of vulnerability or anxiety about the future. You could gently explain that your decision to stay with them is out of love and concern for their well-being, not for any material gain. Reinforcing that you are financially secure and that your focus is on their safety and comfort might help alleviate his fears.

Another aspect to consider is setting boundaries and finding a balance that works for you and your family. If staying at the ancestral home is causing tension, you might explore alternatives. Could you spend part of the week in Bangalore and part with your parents? Or perhaps find a way to ensure their safety and comfort while also giving yourself the space you need? This could involve hiring help or making modifications to the property to make it more manageable for them.

Lastly, self-care is essential. Living in a situation that is emotionally taxing can wear you down over time. Make sure you are taking care of your mental and emotional health, whether that’s through hobbies, exercise, or simply taking time to unwind. Remember that your well-being is just as important as your parents', and you deserve to live in a way that makes you happy and fulfilled.

Coping with this situation will take time and patience. Keep the lines of communication open, consider your options carefully, and don’t be afraid to seek support when you need it. With the right approach, you can work towards a solution that respects both your parents' needs and your own.

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Answered on Aug 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 29, 2024Hindi

Hi, I am 30, has one kid and getting divorced. My husband himself left our responsibilities but denying it in court to avoid paying alimoney. It is been 4 years since this seperation and still couldnot land a good job. Having financial troubles, emotionally disturbed and work stress. I somehow manage to pay my son's school fees. But there are 100s of other insecurities that surface time to time and I loose my patience. I have these insecurities due to emotional violence I faced in my marriage. Now I want to move on, I want to work on the emotional scars and live life peacefully. Is that even possible, then how?

Ans: I commend your courage in wanting to move forward and heal. The journey ahead might seem overwhelming, but with the right steps, it is possible to rebuild your life, find peace, and regain control over your emotions and future.

First, acknowledging the impact of the emotional violence you've endured is an important step. These scars run deep and can influence your thoughts, feelings, and actions long after the relationship ends. Healing from this requires time, patience, and often, professional support. Consider seeking therapy or counseling, if you haven’t already. A skilled therapist can help you process your emotions, understand the patterns of your past relationship, and equip you with strategies to manage the insecurities that surface.

Financial stability is another crucial area, and it’s understandable that the ongoing court battle adds to your stress. You might want to consult with a legal advisor who specializes in family law to ensure you're getting the support you and your child are entitled to. Some organizations offer free or low-cost legal services, which could be helpful in your situation. In parallel, continue your job search, but also consider upskilling or exploring different career paths that might open more opportunities. Even part-time work or freelance gigs can help bridge the gap financially while you look for something more stable.

As for the emotional toll and stress, self-care becomes essential. Try to carve out small moments for yourself each day, even if it's just a few minutes. Mindfulness practices, such as meditation, deep breathing, or journaling, can help you stay grounded and manage anxiety. Connecting with supportive friends or joining a support group for single parents or those going through divorce can also provide comfort and practical advice.

Building a routine that includes regular self-care, professional support, and steps toward financial independence will gradually help you regain your strength and confidence. It’s important to remember that healing is not linear—there will be setbacks, but each small step forward is progress.

Yes, it is absolutely possible to move on, heal from emotional scars, and live a peaceful life. It will require effort, resilience, and sometimes the willingness to ask for help. But with each step, you'll be closer to the life you envision for yourself and your child—a life where you feel empowered, secure, and at peace.

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Answered on Aug 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 06, 2024Hindi

Dear Kanchan Mam, I have a very close friend who s been married for 10 years and with 2 kids one 8 yr old daughter and a one year old son. His wife whom he loved and trusted so much has cheated on him with one of her friend for almost 3 years which he came to know about recently. He could not digest that ..He thought of divorcing her but thinking about his children's future he changed his mind and told her to end all communication with her affair partner .She too agreed . My friend didn't tell about this to anyone except me including her parents whom he respects a lot and hence didn't want to hurt them ...But after 3 months he came to know that his wife is still in contact with her friend using another phone without his knowledge and her affair also has not stopped . This time he said he couldn't tolerate and told this to her parents and told them that he would be filing for divorce. Her parents are begging him not to do so and telling him to give one last chance as they would mend her this time . He told them that even after giving her a chance to mend herself she has cheated him and broken his trust . He says he cannot live with her without trust . So he has decided to move on but his wife is telling she will have no other choice but to commit suicide if he doesn't forgive her and has even threatened to commit suicide along with his children. She has attempted a couple of times too . My friend is in depression . He says he is also worried about his children's future without their mother ...At the same time he says he cannot imagine living with his wife again as before after being cheated on twice...He is asking me to advise. I am totally confused . Kindly advice the pros and cons of 1)forgiving her once again and living in a trustless marriage 2)moving on and finding someone more trustworthy . 3) If he decides to marry another person how will this impact his children . Kindly help me to advise my friend suitably...

Ans: I understand how challenging and emotionally draining this situation is for your friend, and I want to approach this with the sensitivity it deserves. Let's explore the possible paths he can take, keeping in mind the impact on his emotional well-being, his children's future, and the dynamics of his marriage.

If your friend chooses to forgive his wife and continue living in the marriage despite the breach of trust, the primary advantage is the stability it might provide for their children. Growing up with both parents in the same household can create a sense of normalcy and security, which is especially important for young children. However, this decision would require him to accept a relationship where trust has been severely damaged, perhaps irreparably. Living in a marriage without trust can lead to ongoing resentment, emotional distance, and further complications down the line. It could also mean that he would be carrying the burden of this betrayal, which might affect his mental and emotional health in the long run. The strain of pretending that everything is fine, especially when trust is still an issue, could be overwhelming.

On the other hand, if he decides to move on and pursue a divorce, this would allow him to start afresh, potentially finding someone more trustworthy and aligned with his values. This choice could restore his sense of self-respect and emotional stability, enabling him to focus on healing and rebuilding his life. However, divorce comes with its own set of challenges, especially concerning the children. The absence of their mother in their daily lives could be difficult for them to process, and the transition to a new family structure may be challenging. Furthermore, the prospect of introducing a new partner into their lives might be met with resistance or confusion, depending on how they adjust to the separation.

If your friend considers marrying someone else in the future, the impact on his children must be carefully weighed. Introducing a new person into their lives could be positive if handled with care and if the new partner builds a strong, supportive relationship with them. However, it could also be a source of stress and adjustment, especially if the children are still coping with the fallout from the divorce. The key would be to ensure that any transition is done gradually, with the children's feelings and well-being as the top priority.

In summary, your friend is facing a choice between potentially preserving the family unit at the cost of his own emotional well-being, or moving on to seek a healthier and more trusting relationship, which would come with significant changes for his children. The decision ultimately depends on what he values most and what he believes will lead to the best outcome for both himself and his children. He might also want to consider seeking professional counseling, both for himself and possibly for the children, to navigate these complex emotions and to make an informed, balanced decision.

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Answered on Aug 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 08, 2024Hindi

I am a CA, and I dont have much time or I dont somewhere like doing household chores but still my mother in law wants me to manage all household chores with office and studies. She only has to cook other household chores are done by me, still she is upset all the time, she never seems happy, the aura around her is very negative all the time. I try to be normal she never. What to do? Should I hire a cook and maid so that we both can relax.

Ans: It sounds like you're dealing with a lot of stress trying to balance your professional responsibilities with household chores, especially with the added pressure from your mother-in-law. It's important to address this situation in a way that maintains harmony at home while also ensuring you don't burn out.

First, have a calm and honest conversation with your mother-in-law. Explain how your work and studies demand a lot of your time and energy, and that you're finding it difficult to manage everything. Emphasize that it's not about shirking responsibilities but about finding a balance that works for everyone.

Suggest hiring a cook and a maid. This solution can help alleviate the workload for both of you, allowing your mother-in-law to relax and potentially improve her mood and overall atmosphere at home. Present it as a way to create a more peaceful and supportive environment, which can benefit both of you.

If she’s resistant, try to understand her concerns. She might feel that hiring help undermines her role or that it’s an unnecessary expense. Reassure her that the goal is to reduce stress and create a happier home, not to replace her or diminish her contributions.

In the meantime, take care of your well-being. Stress from work, studies, and household chores can take a toll on your mental and physical health. Ensure you have time for rest and relaxation, even if it means taking small breaks throughout the day.

Ultimately, finding a compromise that acknowledges both your needs and your mother-in-law’s feelings is key. This approach can help foster a more positive and supportive environment for everyone.

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Answered on Aug 06, 2024

Question by ASHOK - Aug 05, 2024Hindi

Dear Ma'am Ms Kanchan I am 65 and still working on senior position getting very handsome salary plus perks ,having own pent house at Noida own car and with lavish life but my wife is no more she died last year and i have two adult married children's and well settled in NCR . please advise how can i have good life and what is the procedure i should adopt to get a match lady without children's and stay with me as excellent life partner .

Ans: Ashok Ji,
First, it's important to acknowledge your feelings and needs. Losing a spouse is incredibly difficult, and it's a positive step that you're looking to find companionship again. Your desire for a life partner who can share your lifestyle and provide mutual support is completely understandable.

To start this journey, consider what qualities and values are most important to you in a partner. Reflecting on your past relationship experiences can help you identify what worked well and what you might want to avoid this time around. Understanding your own needs and preferences will guide you in finding someone who is truly compatible with you.

Given your professional standing and lifestyle, you may want to explore avenues where you can meet like-minded individuals. Networking within your social and professional circles can be a good start. Friends and colleagues might know someone who is also seeking companionship.

Online platforms specifically designed for senior dating could also be helpful. These sites allow you to specify your preferences, such as looking for a partner without children, and can connect you with potential matches who share similar interests and values.

Another option is engaging in social activities, clubs, or groups that align with your interests. Whether it's a hobby, a sport, or a community service group, participating in these activities can naturally lead to meeting new people who share your passions.

When you meet someone who seems like a potential match, take the time to build a genuine connection. Open and honest communication is key. Share your thoughts, feelings, and expectations for the future, and encourage your partner to do the same. Building a strong emotional bond and mutual understanding will lay a solid foundation for a lasting relationship.

Lastly, be patient with yourself and the process. Finding the right person can take time, but maintaining a positive outlook and being open to new experiences will make the journey more enjoyable.

If you feel comfortable, seeking guidance from a relationship coach or counselor could also provide personalized support and advice as you navigate this new chapter in your life.

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Answered on Aug 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 23, 2024Hindi

I have gone my job switch from Noida to Mumbai is banking industry. My wife works in IT firm Gurgaon require to go to office quarterly for 3 days. We have shifted to Mumbai and living in Kandivali east Lokhandwala township. I have daughter 2.5 yrs old we used to send her to playgroup in Noida which have live cctv camera access for parents. In mumbai, it is raining these days and playgroups don't have cctv access to parents. Also accomodation rent is high. Wife wanted to go to Noida and stay there with kid. They will hire maid also full time. My travelling time is also very high 2.30 hrs one side from office to home end to end. Struggling to adjust in mumbai. Because of small houses, playgroup quality, cultural issue , everything. We want advise whether we stay together in mumbai and how things are going or send family to Noida and i am shifting near by office in Lower Parel.

Ans: From a relationship perspective, it's crucial to balance the emotional and practical aspects of your decision. Staying together in Mumbai strengthens your bond and allows you to support each other daily. However, the high living costs, small spaces, and lack of quality playgroups with CCTV access can add stress, compounded by your long commute.

If your wife and daughter move to Noida, they would have a more comfortable environment and better childcare options. However, this means you'll miss daily interactions and could feel emotionally distant over time.

Consider moving closer to your workplace in Mumbai, like Lower Parel, to reduce your commute and spend more time with your family. Also, explore local playgroup options thoroughly, as you might find one that meets your security concerns.

Ultimately, prioritize what provides the most stability and happiness for your family. Open communication with your wife about your concerns and potential solutions is key. Whether you stay in Mumbai or consider temporary separation, ensure regular visits and communication to maintain your bond and stay involved in your daughter's upbringing.

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Answered on Aug 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 03, 2024Hindi

Hi Mohit.. I am 51 year old male. We have been married for 26 years, but my wife recently confessed to me that she was in a 11 year relationship with our next door neighbour but now she has ended that relationship. Seems the way it happened 11years back is we had got shifted to a new place, she was handling situation alone (since I used to work in a different city and used to be home only during weekends and plus I admit i was always stressed in my jobs). Then she felt her parents are also not available for her.. so thats why she started 'leaning' on this next door neighbour, fell in love with him and soon got caught up in an affair with sex also involved worse, they used to meet at our place and make out in MY BED ... so anyways my wife confided in me now and admitted this because she says she ended this affair about a year back.. but seems he called her suddenly one day recently and told her he would confide about this affair to his wife (which meant that this would come in to the open and I would come to know), so my wife decide to tell me herself finally she says shes is sorry, feels lot of guilt and to forgive her, give a 2nd chance etc.. thing is there are 2 grown up children- daughter 21 years and son 17 years.. I just cannot bring myself to forgive her.. 2 things keep haunting me 1) we even went to that guys marriage (affair started @1 year before his marriage) and I feel like a fool now for attending his marriage. I used to talk to him like any neighbour would 2) Thought of them making out in my bed, and that he used to come over to my house where my children live even when nobody was at home. Besides this part, she has been a good wife, but isnt this affair too serious a thing what she has done??- she made a fool out of me for the last 10 years, isnt it? At the same time, seperation/divorce is out of the question- since it will adversely impact my children and parents.. Worse I am in the US staying alone for work, while they are in India, when she confessed this a month back. So I am all along dealing with this pain, anger and hurt. My head tells me to forgive her and move on, but my heart just cannot forget this and I keep getting images of them together.. Pls help me how to process my hurt, anger and pain.

Ans: Dear Mohit,
I understand how deeply hurt and betrayed you feel. It's incredibly painful to learn about such a long-term affair, especially with someone you trusted. Your emotions are valid, and it's natural to feel overwhelmed by anger, hurt, and confusion.

Your wife's confession, although a step towards honesty, doesn't erase the betrayal or the pain you're experiencing. It's important to acknowledge your feelings and give yourself the time and space to process them. Being away from home might provide a necessary distance to reflect, but it also makes it harder to deal with the situation directly.

Talking to a therapist could help you navigate through these emotions. They can offer you a safe space to express your feelings and help you find ways to cope with the hurt and anger.

When you're ready, having an honest conversation with your wife about how you feel and what you need moving forward is crucial. Open communication can be painful but necessary for any kind of healing or decision-making process.

Your concern for your children's well-being is understandable, and it's clear that their happiness is a priority for you. However, remember that their well-being also depends on having parents who are emotionally healthy and stable.

Take care of yourself during this time. Engage in activities that bring you comfort and peace. Focus on your well-being and consider what you want for your future. Forgiveness and healing are personal journeys, and it's okay if it takes time to figure out the best path forward.

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Answered on Aug 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 29, 2024Hindi

Let it be an anonymous question Husband and my wife above 65 years had quarrels for various reasons including the fact that her brother's behaviour was quite irritating to .But for the wife he was her favorite one.Initially she too agreed this fact and found out a term a term in English about such behaviour of Brother to Sister's husband.The husband used to make such complaints to her.Finally after so many years of happy life she has hired a flat and staying alone.Initially she used to talk to him.But slowly she started telling if she hears his sound the whole day is gone.She has looked after his mother very well andin the same way he helped her parents.Her mother had a heart attack and escaped.His mother in law told publicly that only because of him she escaped.Even though such good incidents were there the present situation is suchthat theyare staying apart.She is not ready to come back.The husband had already put his best effortsto persuade by sending message,voice messages and personal appology for whatever happened.But she is not ready to come back even though his close relatives talked to her several times.But no use.What is to be done to bring back her and to have happy life.Kindly note that the husband is ready for anything to rebuild life.But she is very adamant that she will not come back.In fact both of them are short tempered .But sometimes her anger goes up like a helicopter.How to rebuild this relationship?How to handle the situation?.

Ans: Rebuilding a relationship when both parties are over 65 and facing significant issues requires patience, understanding, and often professional intervention. Here are some steps that might help in your situation:

First, it's important to acknowledge the depth of the emotional wounds that have been inflicted. Both of you have shared many years together and have supported each other's families, indicating a strong bond that has been strained by recurring conflicts. Recognizing the positive history and expressing gratitude for the past contributions can help set a foundation for reconciliation.

Given that your wife has chosen to live separately and is currently very resistant to communication, it might be helpful to suggest professional counseling. A neutral third party, such as a therapist or marriage counselor, can facilitate conversations in a safe and structured environment. Counseling can help both of you understand the underlying issues, improve communication skills, and work through the anger and resentment that have built up over time.

It’s also crucial to give her space while making it clear that you are committed to working on the relationship. Respect her need for distance, but keep the lines of communication open by occasionally sending thoughtful messages that express your willingness to understand and address her concerns without pressuring her.

Reflect on your behavior and be genuinely open to change. Demonstrating your willingness to work on your own shortcomings can make a significant impact. This might include managing your temper, improving your listening skills, and showing empathy towards her feelings and perspectives.

Involving a close family member or a trusted friend who she respects might also be beneficial. They can act as intermediaries to convey your sincere intentions and help mediate the situation without taking sides.

Lastly, patience is key. Rebuilding trust and repairing a relationship, especially after long-standing issues, takes time. Continue to show her through your actions that you are committed to making positive changes and are willing to put in the effort needed to restore your relationship.

If you both can agree to engage in the process, even if it starts with small steps, there’s hope for reconciliation and rebuilding a happy life together.

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Answered on Aug 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 16, 2024Hindi

I'm in a relationship with a divorced man. After reaching about his past relationship I came to a conclusion that the divorce was not due to his mistake but now my parents are telling that they are ashamed of getting me married to him as it's his second marriage. Is there any solution to convey my parents and my I know the legal rules to getting married to a divorced man?

Ans: Addressing your parents' concerns about marrying a divorced man requires open communication and understanding. Start by having an honest conversation with them, explaining that you've carefully considered his past and believe the divorce was not his fault. Emphasize his positive qualities and how well he treats you.

Acknowledge their concerns about societal stigma, but gently challenge these perceptions. Highlight that successful second marriages are common and that his past does not define your future together. Encourage them to get to know him better, as personal interaction can help change their views.

Legally, there are generally no obstacles to marrying a divorced person, as long as his previous marriage is legally dissolved. Ensure all necessary paperwork, such as the final divorce decree, is in order. Consulting a lawyer can provide clarity and ensure all legal requirements are met.

By combining open communication, education, and personal engagement, you can help your parents see the strength of your relationship and work towards gaining their support.

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Answered on Jul 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 26, 2024Hindi

I am married person aged 53..Wife not interested in any physical intimacy since last three years . Continuous nagging and complaints on wi fi and children who are 20 and 14.Every second day threats to leave home .Not interested in meeting majority of friends .Blames men for everything .Life has become painful inspite of doing well professionally.Children are also aloof now with no effection

Ans: When faced with such a complex and emotional situation, it's important to approach it with empathy and a strategic mindset.

First, consider finding a quiet, neutral time to talk with your wife. Express your feelings openly and honestly, focusing on how her behavior impacts you and your children. Use "I" statements to avoid making her feel attacked. For instance, say, "I feel hurt and disconnected when we don't share physical intimacy," rather than placing blame.

Understanding the root cause of her dissatisfaction and disinterest is crucial. She may be dealing with unresolved issues, stress, or even depression. Encourage her to share her feelings and listen without judgment. Show her that you care about her well-being and the relationship, and that you are committed to finding a solution together.

It's also beneficial to involve a professional. A couples therapist can provide a safe space for both of you to express your concerns and work through underlying issues. Sometimes, having a neutral third party can help uncover hidden problems and offer strategies to rebuild intimacy and connection.

In the meantime, take care of yourself and your mental health. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Encourage your children to express their feelings and ensure they feel supported and loved during this turbulent time. Family therapy might also be a helpful option to address the emotional distance and lack of affection you mentioned.

Remember, rebuilding a relationship takes time and patience. It's about small, consistent efforts rather than quick fixes. Show empathy towards your wife and patience as you both navigate this difficult journey. By demonstrating your commitment and love, you can gradually work towards a more harmonious and fulfilling marriage.

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Answered on Jul 25, 2024

Question by Mahi - Jul 25, 2024Hindi

Sir I want help my family is in trouble plzz help me sir plzz..plzz ???????? help me.plzz reply.

Ans: can you please share more

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Answered on Jul 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 23, 2024Hindi

Hi, I have given my 2bhk family to my mother in law and brother in law. Over past few years they pay less rent 40% of market value rent. from oct 2023 brother in law lost job and he also has housing emi for 21L+ 3L personal loan. He is also not giving any rent also because of the.current situation. Now he is resorting to emotional black mail and citing senior citizen act stating daughter is liable to pay for living expenses. Already the current house they are staying can get 18K rent.We tried to arrange interview for his job but looks like he is not interested and he seems to be pshyco logical disturbed and talking all non sense. My mother in law is playing neutral role and saying yes to both side without taking a correct stand. My brother in-law is two divorce with history of drinking and physiological mental problems as stated by their ex-spouse.My ask 1. What are legal options available for me. 2. We want him to vacate our house and move to his own house or 1 bhk so that we can help with money from my 2bhk rent. 3. If nothing works can we make a first move of filing police compliant which I want as a last resort.

Ans: Firstly, seeking legal advice is crucial. A lawyer who specializes in property and family law can provide you with specific guidance based on your situation. They can review any rental agreements and help you understand the implications of the Senior Citizens Act that your brother-in-law is citing. This legal counsel will be invaluable in navigating the complexities of your situation.

Next, you might need to issue a formal notice to your brother-in-law and mother-in-law, requesting them to vacate the property. This notice should clearly articulate the reasons for your request, including the financial burden their reduced rent and non-payment are causing you. Provide them with a reasonable timeframe to find alternative accommodation, whether in his own house or a more affordable 1BHK apartment. This approach shows your willingness to support them while also addressing your legitimate concerns.

It's also important to communicate directly and openly with your mother-in-law. Her neutral stance may be contributing to the tension, and having a candid conversation about the situation's impact on your family could help her understand the need for a resolution. Explain the financial strain and the efforts you’ve made to assist your brother-in-law in finding employment. Her support could be pivotal in encouraging him to take more responsibility and action.

If these steps do not lead to a satisfactory resolution, you may have to consider involving the authorities. Filing a police complaint should be a last resort, but it is an option if your brother-in-law’s behavior becomes unmanageable or if he refuses to vacate the property despite all reasonable efforts. The aim here is to protect your family’s financial and emotional well-being while ensuring that your legal rights are upheld.

Throughout this process, it's essential to prioritize your mental health and well-being. Dealing with family conflicts can be emotionally draining, and seeking support from friends, a counselor, or a support group can provide you with the strength and perspective needed to handle these challenges effectively.

By taking these steps, you aim to find a balance between supporting your in-laws and protecting your own family’s interests. Remember, it’s important to act with compassion but also with a clear understanding of your rights and the need for fairness in this situation.

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Answered on Jul 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 06, 2024Hindi

I am 56 years old lady working in the Government sector. My husband several times cheated me and by nature he is very dominating and stubborn. Since my marriage my only fault is that I have hidden my age 3years less than original as advised by my family. Now I want to know that what should I have to do , please let me know. I was not so courageous to tell the truth of my original age. On the other hand he exploits me physically, financially and he is abusive in nature and never took any responsibility of our 27 years old daughter. Please advise me and don't disclose my name

Ans: I'm truly sorry to hear about the challenging and painful situation you've been enduring. It takes a lot of courage to open up about these issues, and it's important to prioritize your well-being and safety.

First, it's important to address your feelings about hiding your age. While this may have been a decision influenced by your family's advice, it seems to be a minor issue in the context of the larger problems in your marriage. The real concerns here are your husband's infidelity, abusive behavior, and lack of responsibility towards your daughter.

Your husband's actions and behavior are unacceptable. No one deserves to be cheated on, dominated, or abused in any way. The fact that he exploits you physically and financially, and doesn't support your daughter, makes it clear that this environment is harmful to you.

It's essential to focus on what you want for your future. Do you want to continue in a marriage where you feel disrespected and abused? Consider what kind of life you envision for yourself, one where you feel safe, respected, and valued.

Seeking professional support can be incredibly helpful. A counselor or therapist can provide you with the tools and support to navigate your emotions and plan your next steps. Legal advice may also be necessary to understand your rights and protect yourself financially and personally.

If you decide to leave the marriage, having a clear plan is crucial. Ensure you have a support system in place, whether it’s friends, family, or professional services. Protect your financial assets and consider your daughter's well-being as well.

Remember, you deserve to live a life free from abuse and filled with respect and dignity. Taking steps to protect yourself and improve your situation is not just courageous but essential for your health and happiness. Your past decisions about your age do not define you, and it's never too late to seek a better, healthier future.

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Answered on Jul 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 01, 2024Hindi

Hi I am 45 years of age having two childrens and I am also working.My husband is good with me but not with my parents and sister most of the time he abuses them without any reason .This make me upset and many time I discuss this matter with him but he doesn't realise his mistake. I told him to meet councellor but he is not ready . And often he take drink and without any reason abuses any one around him Many time situation becomes out of control and I want to end my relationship. Kindly guide me

Ans: First and foremost, your feelings are entirely valid. It’s deeply troubling when someone you love and live with is disrespectful and abusive towards your family members and those around him, especially when he drinks. Your husband’s behavior, despite your efforts to communicate and suggest counseling, is not only affecting you but also creating a toxic environment for your children.

It’s crucial to prioritize your own mental and emotional health. Living in an environment where abuse and excessive drinking are present can have long-term negative effects on both you and your children. This kind of stress and emotional turmoil can erode your sense of self and well-being over time.

Since your husband has refused counseling and doesn't acknowledge his mistakes, it may be necessary to consider stronger steps. Think about what you want for your future and what kind of environment you want for your children. Reflect on whether staying in this relationship is conducive to that vision.

If you’re contemplating ending the relationship, it’s important to have a clear plan. Seek support from trusted friends or family members, and consider speaking with a professional counselor or therapist to help you navigate your feelings and plan your next steps. Legal advice might also be necessary to understand your rights and ensure you and your children are protected.

Take time to consider what is best for you and your children in the long term. Your well-being and safety are paramount, and sometimes the healthiest choice is to remove yourself from a harmful environment. By doing so, you’re not only taking care of yourself but also setting a positive example for your children about self-respect and the importance of a healthy, loving home.

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Answered on Jul 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 28, 2024Hindi

Hello ma'am / Sir I love my father's sister son ( my first cousin) & want to marry him but his mom is saying no so he also agreed with him mom Whereas my parents agreed for getting married to him He stopped texting calling me all of the sudden I know he's family didnt accept but still i cant forget him a little hope is still there dont why What can i do please help me

Ans: it's important to acknowledge your feelings. It's perfectly normal to feel confused, hurt, and hopeful all at the same time. Love can be a powerful and overwhelming emotion, especially when family approval is involved.

Given that your cousin has decided to side with his mother, it's essential to respect his decision, even though it's painful. He may be under significant pressure from his family, and this is influencing his actions. While this is difficult to accept, respecting his choice is a step toward healing and moving forward.

Communication is also key. If possible, try to have an open and honest conversation with him. Express your feelings and let him know how much you care about him. Sometimes, understanding the emotional depth of a situation can influence decisions. However, be prepared for any outcome, including the possibility that he may still choose to follow his mother's wishes.

Reflect on your own well-being. Focus on what is best for you in the long run. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family members who understand and care about your feelings. Engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment can help you cope with this challenging period.

Remember, you deserve to be with someone who is fully committed to you and your relationship. If he is unable or unwilling to stand by you due to family pressures, it may be a sign that this relationship is not right for you in the long term, despite your strong feelings.

Give yourself time to heal and consider seeking professional support, such as counseling or therapy, to help you navigate through your emotions and decisions. This can provide you with tools to cope with your feelings and help you find a path forward that is best for your emotional and mental well-being.

Ultimately, trust that time and self-care will guide you through this difficult period. You are deserving of love and happiness, and by prioritizing yourself, you will eventually find clarity and peace in your journey.

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Answered on Jul 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 21, 2024Hindi

My friend is in a foreign country for work. She has gone there with the support of a man who helped her getting the job. He's harassing her sexually. She has been keeping her distance and warned him. She cannot take any action as her work future depends on him. She's alone there and doesnt know what to do. Help me with the answer

Ans: encourage her to document every incident meticulously. Keeping a detailed record will be crucial if she decides to take any action later. She should also reach out to trusted colleagues or friends for support, even if they are back home. Sometimes just knowing someone is aware of her situation can be comforting.

Additionally, it's important for her to explore any available resources within her company or local community. Many organizations have HR departments or designated individuals to handle such complaints confidentially. If that's not an option, she might find support through local women's shelters, expatriate communities, or even online forums where she can connect with others who might have faced similar situations.

Encourage her to prioritize her safety. If she feels threatened or in immediate danger, seeking help from local authorities or emergency services is crucial. Her well-being is more important than any job.

Finally, she should be reminded that she's not alone and that there are people who care about her and are willing to help. It might be beneficial for her to seek professional counseling to help her cope with the emotional toll of this experience.

Your support and encouragement can make a significant difference for her during this difficult time.

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Answered on Jul 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 20, 2024Hindi

Hello, I'm in a relationship with a guy for last 2 years. We both stay in another country, and we met there. He is a PhD student and I'm a MBA student. We both are about to graduate from our respective courses. We both have a 7.5 years of age gap and he is from Kerala and I'm from Delhi. We both love each other, and are ready to fight for our relationship. He spoke to his parents, and they're very happy with us, but when I spoke to my parents, they made huge issues, and started saying, we will die if you marry him. We will die, you can take your pheras around our burning body. And they came up with some negative stories about him, which is not true. We both are very career oriented people, and respect each other decisions. I'm not saying, my parents won't have an issue, they will, since its about North-South India, also different cultures and Age gap. But they're bringing up issues, that I can't even mention here (political issues). I spoke to my parents first time face to face about this, and they said all that. To which I didn't argue, because I understood, whatever I say right now, they won't listen to me. I just told them, whatever you say, is okay. Can you please guide me with how to talk to them, and convince them?

Ans: When you next speak with your parents, choose a calm and private setting. Start the conversation by expressing your love and respect for them, acknowledging their concerns, and stating your commitment to understanding their perspective. Share your genuine feelings about your partner and the relationship, emphasizing the mutual respect, love, and career aspirations you both share.

Highlight the positive attributes of your partner, focusing on his education, values, and how he complements you. Address specific concerns your parents have raised, providing clear and respectful counterpoints to any false accusations or misunderstandings. If possible, arrange for them to meet him or speak with his parents, as this might help bridge cultural and regional gaps.

It’s important to be patient and give your parents time to process the information. They might need multiple conversations to come to terms with your decision. Lastly, consider involving a neutral third party, such as a trusted family friend or relative, who can mediate and provide a balanced perspective.

Your goal is to maintain a respectful and open dialogue, showing empathy towards their concerns while standing firm in your decision. This balanced approach can help gradually shift their perspective and foster acceptance.

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Answered on Jul 18, 2024

Question by Kamran - Jul 17, 2024Hindi

Sir, I'm a mess, I forgot to pay SAF for IPU counselling I only have spot round left, I have gotten admission in manipal however If I talk about my family, sir my mom's a single mother, she'll have to live alone in delhi with my sister, what should I do please help out

Ans: Your concern for your mother and sister is very valid. As a single mother, your mom's well-being is important, especially if she will be living alone in Delhi with your sister. Have an open and honest conversation with them about your educational options and how each choice impacts your collective future. Discuss ways to stay connected and support each other emotionally, even if you choose to study away from home.

Balancing your educational aspirations with family responsibilities is challenging, but with clear communication and careful planning, you can make a decision that considers both your career goals and your family's well-being. Seeking guidance from a professional counselor could also provide additional support and clarity during this time.

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Answered on Jul 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 17, 2024Hindi

I am 31 years old and single. I am working in a company since 2022 and last September i found out my boss is in love with me. Earlier he used to admire for my work. He was always a source of inspiration as his guidance has always helped me to achieve better and make me confident. Together we were a good team.. We took many important decision together, although i am not much experienced but he took my advice in important matters. Its a small company and few employees left gradually, we built a new team and together we trained them. We are very serious about our work and that was our prime focus. He use to tell me how serious he was about me and would like to marry me, will visit my house and meet my parents. One thing i knew was that he is divorced but the details were not very clear to me as he never disclosed and i gave him time as whenever he feels fine he can share. I also told him that my parents would never agree to this. he said he will convince my parents and will even beg for me. I am introvert nature and never cross questioned anything. I had a huge respect for him. He had his share of lows since his father passed away and then he was left alone and taking care of his mother. He values his mother a lot and keep her away from any stress. He keep everything to himself, he was able to share them with me. I am a good listener so always comforted him by listening and not judging him. He made plans about future as how we are going to build a house, take business to new heights and in 1-2 month he made me director of a company. I didn't want all this because it was too early for all this and i don't like accepting things this way. In April, i broke my engagement due to him and my family is in great stress. I lied to them and therefore their trust broke. Since then the whole family is in great pain. I could never do this, i have always followed decision taken by my family and they have always taken care of me. Now in June they came to know about me and him and they disapprove. My mother is very sure that i being emotional have gotten into trap and he manipulated me. He however needs someone in his life and found good option in me as i can handle family and business both. My mother hates him. Now i am so confused. I started keeping distance with him. I resigned few days back. He got ill and is finding hard to recover. The business is affecting due to this as he always feel lost that's what the team told me. He sends me emotional messages. I know he is very alone and must be hurting a lot. He says he always had a strong feeling about me. He worship for me so that we are together forever. He says if i agree he will forever be grateful as he has nobody except me. What should I do? Please help me.

Ans: it's important to recognize and validate your own feelings. You've built a significant bond with your boss, and his support and mentorship have been crucial to your professional growth. However, the dynamics have changed with the revelation of his feelings for you, creating a complex situation that involves your emotions, family, and professional life.

Your family's disapproval and the stress it has caused are significant factors to consider. Their concerns about the relationship, especially regarding manipulation and emotional dependence, need careful reflection. It's essential to ensure that your decisions are based on your own true feelings and not just out of a sense of obligation or pressure.

Regarding your boss, his emotional messages and current state of distress are challenging to navigate. While his feelings for you might be genuine, it's crucial to maintain clarity about your own boundaries and what you want for your future. You mentioned resigning and keeping distance, which indicates a need for space to think clearly.

Given the complexity of the situation, it might be beneficial to seek professional counseling. A therapist or counselor can provide an objective perspective and help you process your emotions and make decisions that are right for you. They can also assist in navigating conversations with your family and your boss, ensuring that your needs and boundaries are respected.

Ultimately, the decision must come from a place of self-awareness and genuine desire, not out of guilt or pressure. It's important to prioritize your well-being and ensure that any relationship, professional or personal, supports your growth and happiness.

Asked on - Jul 19, 2024 | Answered on Jul 21, 2024

Thank you for your help mam. I have decided to go with my family decision. I am someone who have always followed their decision. Sir might be not ok with this. He messages me that its difficult for him and he needs me. he needs my help. But i am ignoring his messages. I have tried to explain my situation and everything in a manner that he also doesn't get hurt but somehow i keep hurting everyone near me. I knew since the beginning that things would not work out and I should've said a firm "No" to him and left the company. Now its getting difficult. I hope time will heal us all.

Ans: yes time heals us all

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Answered on Jul 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 17, 2024Hindi

Is it even worth to invest in an insecure man. A man who keeps his worth very low. He gets easily affected by criticisms of other. However, he whole heartedly accepts even the harshest criticism by me. He is very sweet and loving. However, his insecurities will be a hindrance in future. I am not confident that he will take stand for our marriage. Should I leave him? Should i help him to remove his insecurities? However, i am scared that if I help way too much, he wont be self made and strong. What should I do?

Ans: First, consider the nature of your relationship and the extent to which his insecurities affect it. It's clear that he is sweet, loving, and receptive to your feedback, which are positive traits. However, his tendency to get easily affected by others' criticisms and his low self-worth could indeed pose challenges in the future, especially when it comes to standing up for your relationship.

Reflect on your willingness and capacity to support him through his insecurities. Helping him build confidence and resilience is a noble and loving act, but it's essential to recognize the balance between offering support and enabling dependency. Encouraging him to seek professional help, such as therapy or counseling, could be beneficial. A therapist can provide him with tools to manage his insecurities and build self-confidence independently.

It's also important to communicate your concerns openly with him. Share your feelings about the future and your need for a partner who can stand strong with you, especially in the face of potential opposition from your family. This conversation can be a turning point, giving him insight into the importance of addressing his insecurities not just for the relationship but for his personal growth as well.

Ultimately, the decision to stay or leave hinges on your assessment of the potential for growth and change within your relationship. If you believe he has the capacity and willingness to work on his insecurities and if you are prepared to support him through this journey, it might be worth investing in the relationship. However, if you find that his insecurities are deeply ingrained and unlikely to change, and if they are causing significant distress or doubts about the future, it might be wise to reconsider your options.

Remember, a healthy relationship involves mutual support, growth, and the ability to face challenges together. Ensure that you prioritize your well-being and future happiness while making this decision. If you do choose to part ways, it doesn't diminish the love and care you have shown; it simply means recognizing the need for a partnership that aligns better with your life goals and emotional needs.

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Answered on Jul 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 17, 2024Hindi

Me and my boyfriend are of different caste. His parents had love marriage. They eloped. This created lots of conflict in both families and humiliation for his parents. These stories have somehow negatively affected my boyfriend. He wants to marry me but is loosing confidencec because my family will oppose to this inter caste marriage. I am aware that initially my family will oppose but the resistance will be mild and eventually they will agree to our marriage. However, I am not able to convince him. The fear of the past is affecting our present relationship. He is very insecure and gets easily affected by people's criticism. I am afraid that even mildest of criticism from my family will break him completely. How should I convince him? How should I build his confidence so that he is able to face my family? Should I even build his confidence or should I let him do it himself?

Ans: To navigate this situation effectively, it's essential to approach it with patience, empathy, and clear communication.

Firstly, express your unwavering commitment to him and your relationship. Let him know that you are prepared to face any challenges together, and reassure him that you believe in your love and its ability to withstand opposition. This reassurance can provide him with a sense of security and help alleviate some of his fears.

Additionally, open and honest communication is crucial. Encourage him to share his concerns and fears with you without judgment. By actively listening and validating his feelings, you can help him feel understood and supported. It's important for him to know that you are a team and that you will face any obstacles together.

When it comes to addressing his insecurity and sensitivity to criticism, it might be helpful to gradually expose him to the idea of facing your family's opposition. Start by discussing potential scenarios and how you both might handle them. This can help him mentally prepare for the challenges ahead and build resilience over time.

Consider involving a professional, such as a therapist or counselor, who can provide additional support and guidance. Therapy can be an effective way for him to work through his insecurities and develop coping mechanisms to handle criticism more constructively.

Building his confidence is a joint effort. While it's important for him to work on his self-esteem independently, your support and encouragement can play a significant role. Encourage him to pursue activities or hobbies that make him feel accomplished and confident. Celebrate his successes and remind him of his strengths regularly.

Ultimately, it's about finding a balance between providing support and allowing him to grow independently. Your role is to be his partner, offering reassurance and understanding, while also encouraging him to take steps towards building his confidence and resilience. With time, patience, and mutual effort, you can navigate this challenge together and strengthen your relationship in the process.

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Answered on Jul 17, 2024

Question by Lavanya - Jul 11, 2024Hindi

Hi mam I loved a man who i thought a good guy for 5 yrs later i came to know he is cheating me only for physical not to marry where he told we wil have future together but i made problem and asked him to marry me but his family and he influenced with his moms decision What shal I do i don't know what to do i thought he is my life now his mom plan him to marry someone else.. What should i do

Ans: Hello Lavanya
It's important to take care of yourself and focus on what you need and deserve in a relationship.

Firstly, give yourself some time to process what has happened. It's okay to feel hurt, angry, and betrayed. These emotions are natural when someone you trusted has let you down. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship and the future you envisioned.

Talking to a trusted friend or a therapist can be incredibly helpful during this time. They can offer support and a listening ear as you work through your feelings and decide your next steps.

It's crucial to recognize your own worth and what you deserve in a relationship. You deserve someone who respects, loves, and is committed to you wholeheartedly. If this man has shown that he isn't capable of that, then it might be best to let him go, even though it's difficult.

Moving forward, focus on your own well-being and happiness. Engage in activities that make you feel good and help you regain your sense of self. Surround yourself with people who support and care for you.

In time, you'll find clarity and strength. Remember, this experience doesn't define you or your future. You deserve a loving and honest relationship, and by prioritizing yourself now, you'll be in a better position to find it in the future.

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Answered on Jul 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 16, 2024Hindi

My husband is an engineer. He was working in a reputed company for many years. He left the job due to over work load and wanted to explore other work options or entrepreneurship. So he took a gap of 3 years. In his gap he was not able to do any business bcoz all the business ideas either had too much of hassle or required lot of investment, so, he learned trading in NSE he earned average income with it, enough to run the house. After 3 years of gap he managed to land a job again in a reputed company but he again says that work load is high and wishes to leave and get back to trading. I am teacher with an average salary. We have a 10 year old daughter. Kindly guide what can I do in this situation? How can I make him understand that he needs to work and trading is not a reliable source of income.

Ans: I understand that this situation is stressful and complex. The key here is open, compassionate communication and realistic financial planning.

Firstly, have an honest and empathetic conversation with your husband. Express your concerns about financial stability and the importance of having a reliable source of income, especially with a 10-year-old daughter to consider. Make sure to listen to his feelings about the job workload and his desire to return to trading. It's essential that both of you feel heard and understood.

Next, consider working together on a detailed financial plan. Look at your current expenses, savings, and future financial goals. This can help both of you see the bigger picture and understand the importance of a stable income. You could even consult with a financial advisor to get an objective perspective and professional advice.

Encourage him to explore ways to manage his workload or find a job that offers better work-life balance while still providing financial security. Perhaps there's an opportunity for him to negotiate his current role or look for a position that aligns more with his skills and interests without the same level of stress.

It might also be helpful to set up a trial period for trading, where he can pursue it on the side while still maintaining his job. This way, he can assess the viability of trading as a full-time income source without putting your family's financial stability at risk.

Remember, it's about finding a balance between his professional fulfillment and your family's financial well-being. By working together and supporting each other, you can navigate this challenging situation and come to a decision that works for both of you.

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Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 13, 2024Hindi

Vikrant Asked on - Jul 03, 2024 Hi Dear Sir /Mam one of my close friend he is 32 years old now married 6 years ago in 2018. he is in govt job and wife is MA, they have a son 5 years old. After around six months of marriage ,the problems started in relation in family, my friend tells her to respect and she listens to her parents only and her parents tell her to come to parental house at every time when a bit of misunderstanding happens in his family,& she leaves this continues and she lived there for six months then my friends father went to her parents house and advise her that's it's not good way your house is in low's house now daughter. And then she understands and came back with his father then after sometime, she again started querreling and threatened his mom that she will sucide and closed the doors ,later nothing happens and next night while chatting with my friends she threatens him while he was on his duty , that she will eat all pills together and will sucide..my friends got feared , then nothing happens later his father took her to his hoke next day . Them again she lived ther for 6 months around then his father again went and have a talk in between some elders and made her understand..then she again said sorry and came back to in law's house... Then after some days my friend take her with him to his duty place to keep her with himself , so that things can better but after few weeks there also she started doing same things and not caring the child and not making food , and telling husband that ,now I willl tell take revenge how u left me for six months at my home like that she fights with him there. He make her understand that's nobody is here let's live peacefully but said I know your parents are daily filling your ears, why do u talk to them ? talk to me only and give me your ATM I will go for shopping.. now I will do what I want ,I can't make food ,take me to restaurant etc ..she speaks loudly in colony ,my friend request her to not do this she then do more and abuse him and his family.. like wise things gone worse she threatens that 8 can make your family ruin ,I will confiscate your brother in rape case , nothing u can't do my friend gets very scared .. one day my friend went for duty then she calls him and tell him that I am throwing this child (Son) from roof now and cut the call ,my friend started crying there ,after all of that my friend shown some courage and file police complaint Then any how she went to parental home from around 2 years back she is there and living there ,now my friend says he doesn't want to live with her because he suffers the bad time with her & suffered from Disrespectful behaviour etc but he wants his son from her but now she says she will live with him but make a seperate house and leave your parents .. Now what can be done in this situation now how my friend can get seperate from her and get his son back ? Vikrant Asked on - Jul 03, 2024 Hi Dear Sir /Mam one of my close friend he is 32 years old now married 6 years ago in 2018. he is in govt job and wife is MA, they have a son 5 years old. After around six months of marriage ,the problems started in relation in family, my friend tells her to respect and she listens to her parents only and her parents tell her to come to parental house at every time when a bit of misunderstanding happens in his family,& she leaves this continues and she lived there for six months then my friends father went to her parents house and advise her that's it's not good way your house is in low's house now daughter. And then she understands and came back with his father then after sometime, she again started querreling and threatened his mom that she will sucide and closed the doors ,later nothing happens and next night while chatting with my friends she threatens him while he was on his duty , that she will eat all pills together and will sucide..my friends got feared , then nothing happens later his father took her to his hoke next day . Them again she lived ther for 6 months around then his father again went and have a talk in between some elders and made her understand..then she again said sorry and came back to in law's house... Then after some days my friend take her with him to his duty place to keep her with himself , so that things can better but after few weeks there also she started doing same things and not caring the child and not making food , and telling husband that ,now I willl tell take revenge how u left me for six months at my home like that she fights with him there. He make her understand that's nobody is here let's live peacefully but said I know your parents are daily filling your ears, why do u talk to them ? talk to me only and give me your ATM I will go for shopping.. now I will do what I want ,I can't make food ,take me to restaurant etc ..she speaks loudly in colony ,my friend request her to not do this she then do more and abuse him and his family.. like wise things gone worse she threatens that 8 can make your family ruin ,I will confiscate your brother in rape case , nothing u can't do my friend gets very scared .. one day my friend went for duty then she calls him and tell him that I am throwing this child (Son) from roof now and cut the call ,my friend started crying there ,after all of that my friend shown some courage and file police complaint Then any how she went to parental home from around 2 years back she is there and living there ,now my friend says he doesn't want to live with her because he suffers the bad time with her & suffered from Disrespectful behaviour etc but he wants his son from her but now she says she will live with him but make a seperate house and leave your parents .. Now what can be done in this situation now how my friend can get seperate from her and get his son back ?

Ans: Dear Vikrant,
It sounds like your friend is in a very challenging and emotionally taxing situation. The behavior described involves serious emotional manipulation and threats, which are deeply concerning and harmful. Here’s how he can approach the situation:

First, it’s important that your friend consults a legal professional who specializes in family law. Given the history of threats and manipulation, he needs to understand his rights and the legal steps he can take to protect himself and his son. A lawyer can provide guidance on how to proceed with a separation or divorce, and how to seek custody of his son.

Your friend should also document all instances of threats, abusive behavior, and any actions that put his son in danger. This documentation will be crucial for legal proceedings and for building a case for custody.

In parallel, he should consider seeking support from a mental health professional, both for himself and his son. This situation is undoubtedly stressful, and professional counseling can help him navigate his emotions and build resilience.

If possible, he should try to maintain a calm and measured approach when dealing with his wife, focusing on the well-being of his son. However, given her past behavior, it might be best for all communications to go through legal channels to ensure that everything is documented and managed appropriately.

Ultimately, his priority should be the safety and well-being of his son and himself. While it’s a difficult path, with the right legal and emotional support, he can work towards a more stable and healthy environment for his family.

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Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Question by K - Jul 13, 2024Hindi

Hi, I'm a 33-year-old male, in a relationship for the last 4 years. I have an elder unmarried sister who is 39 years old, and an elder brother who is also unmarried but might get married next year. My concern is about my relationship. Initially, everything was fine, but after two years, things started to get messy. In 2022, during Diwali, my girlfriend visited my home. After that, she began to take issue with many small things related to my mother and sister and complained to me about them. Now, things are getting worse day by day. She constantly taunts me, saying, "As long as your sister is in that house, no one will want to marry their daughter into your family." My mother gave her a gold coin as a Diwali gift, which she has now returned to me, asking me to give it back to my mom with the message, "Find someone else for your son and see how many proposals you get." I always try to meet her demands, but she never seems to understand my perspective. Now, I feel angry and negative toward my family. I love her very much and can't leave her, but I know she doesn't understand my situation and always tries to prove she is right in every way. Please help me understand what I should do..???

Ans: Dear K,
It's clear you're in a difficult situation, feeling torn between your love for your girlfriend and your loyalty to your family. It's essential to acknowledge both your emotions and your needs, as well as those of your girlfriend and family.

First, have an open and honest conversation with your girlfriend. Share how her comments and actions are affecting you and your relationship with your family. It's crucial that she understands your perspective and the importance of family in your life. Approach this conversation with empathy, making it clear that you value her feelings but also need her to respect your family's role.

Additionally, consider discussing boundaries and expectations. Every relationship requires compromise, but it shouldn't come at the cost of your mental and emotional well-being. If your girlfriend is unwilling to see things from your point of view or continues to create tension, it might be necessary to reassess the relationship's dynamics.

Seeking guidance from a relationship counselor could provide a neutral ground for both of you to express your concerns and work towards a solution. A professional can offer tools and strategies to navigate these challenges, ensuring that both your relationship and family bonds are respected.

Remember, a healthy relationship should uplift and support you, not create constant conflict and negativity. Balancing love and family can be challenging, but with clear communication and mutual respect, it is possible to find a path that honors both.

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Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 14, 2024Hindi

Hello ma’am , my daughter always says she feels nervous to go out I asked her why she replied me saying she is scared if she will faint or die or others focusing on her. She now has anxiety symptoms, before even if she was having anxiety or panic attack she would be like ah it’s a part of me but now she is always nervous. What should I do and any tips for controlling her anxiety symptoms

Ans: It's important to create a safe and open space for your daughter to express her feelings. Let her know that it's okay to feel anxious and that you're there to support her. Encourage her to talk about her fears and listen without judgment. Sometimes, just having someone who understands can be incredibly reassuring.

Consider exploring relaxation techniques together, such as deep breathing exercises or mindfulness practices. These can help her manage the immediate symptoms of anxiety. Encouraging her to engage in activities she enjoys can also provide a positive distraction and help reduce overall anxiety levels.

If her anxiety continues to impact her daily life, seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor can be beneficial. A professional can provide specific strategies and coping mechanisms tailored to her needs.

Reassure her that it's okay to take small steps and that progress may take time. With your support and the right tools, she can learn to manage her anxiety more effectively.

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Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Question by Vikrant - Jul 15, 2024Hindi

Hi mam...i m feeling peer pressure that all my knowns are getting married to working partners but I m getting marriage proposals from non working partners! What should I do?

Ans: Hello Vikrant,It's natural to feel pressured when you see others marrying working partners while your proposals are from non-working ones. Remember, your journey is unique, and what matters most is finding a partner who aligns with your values and goals.

Reflect on what you truly want in a partner. Is having a working partner essential, or are other qualities more important? Understand your needs and desires without comparing yourself to others. Financial stability and future plans can be achieved in many ways, and a non-working partner now might grow and contribute differently in the future.

Have open conversations with potential partners about expectations and aspirations. Focus on finding someone who complements your personality, shares your values, and is committed to building a life together.

Don’t let societal norms dictate your choices. Trust your path, practice self-compassion, and be patient. Your happiness and well-being are paramount, so prioritize what feels right for you. The right partner will come into your life when the time is right.

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Answered on Jul 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 14, 2024Hindi

Yet to be answered previous question , what is the use if u answer after counseling. Pls give today itself

Ans: pls be specific which question are we talking here

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Answered on Jul 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 10, 2024Hindi

Hello , I am married for 10 years with a asexual guy with a 6 year old who was born via IUI due to family pressure. After he was born , my husband never touched me from last 7 years , even before son was born , he never initiated sex and did it only due to lot of insistence. Whenever I confront him , he always avoids the topic or stay silent. I now think about divorce but my family will not support this and my son is very attached to his fatter. I am really miserable and depressed in life and want physical intimacy badly . I dont want to ruin my son’s life thats the only reason I am tolerating this. Husband loves son but he never even hold my hand or even hug me. I want to do extramarital affair to have sex but afraid of the repercussions. What should I do ? I am 35 years old IT professional but left my job recently to take care of my son.

Ans: I understand how deeply troubling your situation is. Feeling a lack of physical intimacy and emotional connection in your marriage can be incredibly painful. It's important to address these feelings and consider the best path forward for both your well-being and that of your son.

First, consider having an open and honest conversation with your husband about your needs and feelings. Explain how his lack of intimacy affects you and your mental health. Sometimes, a neutral environment or the presence of a counselor can facilitate this conversation. Couples therapy might help both of you understand each other's perspectives and work toward a solution.

If your husband is unwilling to engage in this dialogue or make any changes, you need to think about your own happiness and mental health. Living in a state of constant misery and depression isn't sustainable, and it's essential to model a healthy, fulfilling life for your son. While your son is attached to his father, children also sense when their parents are unhappy. Ensuring your well-being will, in turn, benefit your son.

If you decide that divorce is the best option, it will undoubtedly be challenging, especially without family support. However, many people find that once they take this step, they can rebuild their lives in a more fulfilling way. Your son’s attachment to his father is important, and maintaining a positive co-parenting relationship can help mitigate the impact on him. Children can adapt well to changes when they see their parents are happier and healthier.

Consider reconnecting with your professional life, as having a career can provide you with financial independence and a sense of personal fulfillment. It can also serve as a distraction and a way to build new social connections, reducing the sense of isolation.

Ultimately, your happiness and mental health are crucial. It's important to take steps toward a life where you feel valued, loved, and content. Consulting with a therapist can provide you with support and guidance as you navigate these tough decisions. They can help you explore your feelings, understand your options, and build a plan that prioritizes your well-being and your son's best interests.

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Answered on Jul 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 10, 2024Hindi

Hello , I am married for 10 years with a asexual guy with a 6 year old who was born via IUI due to family pressure. After he was born , my husband never touched me from last 7 years , even before son was born , he never initiated sex and did it only due to lot of insistence. Whenever I confront him , he always avoids the topic or stay silent. I now think about divorce but my family will not support this and my son is very attached to his father. I am really miserable and depressed in life and want physical intimacy badly . I dont want to ruin my son’s life thats the only reason I am tolerating this. Husband loves son but he never even hold my hand or even hug me. I want to do extramarital affair to have sex but afraid of the repercussions. What should I do ? I am 35 years old IT professional but left my job recently to take care of my son.

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Answered on Jul 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 08, 2024Hindi

I am in a relationship from last 2 years. We are very happy together. But when my parents came to know about us they apposed it as we both belong to different castes different social backgrounds i am from a upper middle class family and he is from lower middle class family. He made his career from scratch. I Don't want to hurt my parents by going against them. They always told me how much they care for me what they have done for me and all that i will ruin there reputation by getting married to him. On the other hand i love him so much , he is a very nice person he cares for me a lot and i know i will never be happy without him. What should i do.. nowadays i Don't feel like talking to anyone and my family thinks i dont love them and i am ignoring them which is not the case i just don't feel like talking. What should i do to convince them for us...?

Ans: Navigating this situation requires sensitivity and careful communication. Start by having an open and honest conversation with your parents. Explain your feelings and how much this relationship means to you. Emphasize the qualities that make your partner a good match for you, such as his care and commitment.

Acknowledge their concerns and express gratitude for their care and the sacrifices they've made for you. Reassure them that your love for them hasn't changed and that you value their opinions. Try to understand their perspective and address their worries about social status and reputation.

You might also consider arranging a meeting between your parents and your partner. This can help them see his positive attributes and understand why you love him. Show them how he has built his career from scratch, demonstrating his determination and resilience.

It's important to remain patient and give your parents time to adjust to the idea. Meanwhile, continue to express your love and respect for them, reinforcing that your decision is based on your happiness and future well-being.

Balancing your love for your partner and respect for your parents is difficult, but with open communication and patience, you can work towards finding a middle ground that respects everyone's feelings.

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Answered on Jul 05, 2024

Question by J - Jul 04, 2024Hindi

Hello madam, My name is Deepthi am 37 years old married woman with 8 months old infant .in 2011 may I got married to a good man it was arranged marriage. Upto now we are living our life's both sides parents are not supportive ,we are only taking care of child ,the thing is neighbour s (women)are asking y ur parents and inlaws are not supportive , emotionaly putting me down,I am isolated and taking care of child life is becoming challenging for me ,how to gain mental strength,dareness to raise kid ??? another thing is my husband is taking care of my kid and me both sides parents not accepting me without money ,I did not yet recovered fully , emotional ly, physically . neighbour women emotionally draining me creating panic that how u will raise kid alone .I want to distance both parents temporarily .madam how to move ahead in life my husband is always supportive

Ans: Hi Deepthi,

Navigating the challenges you're facing, from feeling isolated without support from both sides of the family to dealing with emotionally draining neighbors, is incredibly tough, especially as you care for your 8-month-old infant and work on your own recovery.
Firstly, recognize and embrace the support you have from your husband. He is a vital source of strength in your life. Open and honest communication with him about your feelings and struggles can fortify your partnership and help you both tackle these challenges together. Knowing that you have a supportive partner by your side can make a significant difference in how you cope with these pressures.

When it comes to your neighbors, setting boundaries is crucial. You don’t owe them explanations about why your parents and in-laws are not supportive. Politely but firmly let them know that you prefer not to discuss personal matters and that you are managing your situation in your own way. Protecting your emotional well-being from their intrusive questions is essential for maintaining your peace.

Focusing on your recovery is paramount. Taking care of an infant is incredibly demanding, and prioritizing your health is critical. Make sure you are getting enough rest, eating well, and finding small moments to recharge throughout the day. Engaging in activities that bring you joy and peace, whether it’s a hobby, quiet time with your baby, or connecting with supportive friends, can help in your emotional recovery.

To counteract the feelings of isolation, seek out social support. Look for mother-and-baby groups or community activities where you can meet other parents who might be experiencing similar situations. Building connections with others in similar stages of life can provide mutual support and reduce the sense of being alone in your journey.

Building mental resilience is another key step. Practices like mindfulness or meditation can help you stay grounded and manage stress more effectively. Journaling your thoughts and feelings can provide a therapeutic outlet, and engaging with inspiring books or podcasts can offer new perspectives and encouragement.

Regarding your parents and in-laws, it might be beneficial to distance yourself temporarily. Focus on creating a healthy and nurturing environment for yourself and your baby. If interactions with them are causing you stress, consider setting clear boundaries to protect your peace. Communicate your needs and expectations clearly, emphasizing that your primary concern is the well-being of your immediate family.

If the emotional strain becomes overwhelming, seeking professional help is a valuable option. A counselor or therapist can provide a safe space to explore your feelings and offer strategies to cope with your challenges. Professional support can help you build emotional resilience and give you the tools to manage your situation more effectively.

It’s important to recognize and celebrate small wins in your daily life. Every day brings its own set of challenges, but also moments of success. Whether it’s a peaceful moment with your baby, a positive interaction with your husband, or simply making it through a tough day, acknowledging these victories can boost your morale and remind you of your strength and capability.

You are doing an incredible job under very challenging circumstances. Trust in your ability to raise your child and build a happy life. You are not alone; your husband’s support and your own inner strength are your greatest allies. Focus on what you can control, shield your mental well-being from external negativity, and believe in your capacity to overcome these hurdles. With time, patience, and self-compassion, you will find your way forward.

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