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Intercaste love: How can I help my boyfriend overcome his family's history and fear of disapproval?

Kanchan Rai |444 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 17, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 17, 2024Hindi

Me and my boyfriend are of different caste. His parents had love marriage. They eloped. This created lots of conflict in both families and humiliation for his parents. These stories have somehow negatively affected my boyfriend. He wants to marry me but is loosing confidencec because my family will oppose to this inter caste marriage. I am aware that initially my family will oppose but the resistance will be mild and eventually they will agree to our marriage. However, I am not able to convince him. The fear of the past is affecting our present relationship. He is very insecure and gets easily affected by people's criticism. I am afraid that even mildest of criticism from my family will break him completely. How should I convince him? How should I build his confidence so that he is able to face my family? Should I even build his confidence or should I let him do it himself?

Ans: To navigate this situation effectively, it's essential to approach it with patience, empathy, and clear communication.

Firstly, express your unwavering commitment to him and your relationship. Let him know that you are prepared to face any challenges together, and reassure him that you believe in your love and its ability to withstand opposition. This reassurance can provide him with a sense of security and help alleviate some of his fears.

Additionally, open and honest communication is crucial. Encourage him to share his concerns and fears with you without judgment. By actively listening and validating his feelings, you can help him feel understood and supported. It's important for him to know that you are a team and that you will face any obstacles together.

When it comes to addressing his insecurity and sensitivity to criticism, it might be helpful to gradually expose him to the idea of facing your family's opposition. Start by discussing potential scenarios and how you both might handle them. This can help him mentally prepare for the challenges ahead and build resilience over time.

Consider involving a professional, such as a therapist or counselor, who can provide additional support and guidance. Therapy can be an effective way for him to work through his insecurities and develop coping mechanisms to handle criticism more constructively.

Building his confidence is a joint effort. While it's important for him to work on his self-esteem independently, your support and encouragement can play a significant role. Encourage him to pursue activities or hobbies that make him feel accomplished and confident. Celebrate his successes and remind him of his strengths regularly.

Ultimately, it's about finding a balance between providing support and allowing him to grow independently. Your role is to be his partner, offering reassurance and understanding, while also encouraging him to take steps towards building his confidence and resilience. With time, patience, and mutual effort, you can navigate this challenge together and strengthen your relationship in the process.