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Should I Divorce My Cheating Husband of 15 Years with Two Children and No Job?

Anu

Anu Krishna  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 24, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

From many years my husband was cheating on me but two years back i came to know he has one baby with her. I want to end relationship with him. But parents are not letting me to do. I have to kids with yrs i dnt have job. I want to divorce him . Please tell me my decision to divorce him is right or wrong? Please guide me.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Whether you want the marriage or not is your decision. Obviously, you are hurt and sad and disappointed on being cheated upon.
And the best decision seems to walk out. But parents do not want that for their daughter...it's an emotional time!

Rather than being impulsive, be smart about it. Talk to a lawyer who can advise you on how the terms of separation must be where your rights and those of the children will be protected. Your husband will have to take on that responsibility. So, you need to also think of your children's welfare in the midst of all your emotions. Difficult, but so needed right now. So, seek the support of your parents in this...they may not want to support BUT if you are sure that you want a divorce, find a good lawyer who can guide you appropriately.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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To the question "From many years my husband was cheating on me but two years back i came to know he has one baby with her. I want to end relationship with him. But parents are not letting me to do. I have to kids with yrs i dnt have job. I want to divorce him . Please tell me my decision to divorce him is right or wrong? Please guide me." should you not ask what is her contribution to the matter? Only sick men try to explore other ways- when the wife does not aprreciate his physical and emotion al needs, he will explore other possibilities. Keep me also anonymous. I suffered 50 yrs of marital life. I appreciate the wifes lack of interest. But, what about man's need? Can man fight nature's compulsions?
Ans: Dear Bapuji,
Kindly share the question that you are referring to...and what relevance it has to your situation...
I suggest it maybe better to ask your question instead of taking reference from someone else's...after all, everybody's challenge is different, right?
If I understand your situation, then what is the suffering that you are stating? And oh, everyone has their point of view...so if you have suffered, maybe your wife also has...
Nature has not put any compulsion on a man/woman whatsoever...these are desires and there are ways in which these desires can be expressed in a marriage. And yes, needs of a man and a woman must be looked into but how you react to it is totally a choice...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 02, 2024Hindi
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Hi Madam. I am married from last one and half years now, there has been numerous fights in between small and big ones both. In between this time I have become a mother, and, my baby is 7 months old now. My husband does nothing, did nothing in past one and half years. He is only occupied with his work all the time, he goes to office everyday mostly. Right now my baby is 7 months old and from last 7 months me and my parents are taking care of the baby. And, he absolutely shows no understanding when it comes to looking after the baby. Am also a working person. Moreover I pay all the bills when it comes to getting household stuff, paying rent, all the expenses related to baby. He is so shameless that he just doesn’t care too, when I pick these topics or raise concerns about handling the baby he gets abusive. I am not sure what to do now! How insensible can a person get if no one sees my husband would never feel that person like him exist in this world. I feel like filing a divorce petition now. He was the one who wanted to have baby so soon. I was never ready. Now when I have the baby I am the only person along with my parents and sister.
Ans: Marriage and parenthood are partnerships, and it sounds like your husband is completely absent from that role, which can lead to feelings of loneliness and resentment, especially when you didn’t feel ready to have a baby so soon.

Considering divorce is a significant decision, but your feelings are completely valid. You’ve been left to handle everything on your own, and it's natural to want to protect your peace, well-being, and that of your child. If you're leaning toward divorce, it’s important to consult with a legal professional to understand your rights and the next steps, especially regarding custody and financial support.

However, if there’s any hope for reconciliation or change, counseling might be an option if your husband is willing. But given the situation you've described, where there is emotional abuse and a complete lack of responsibility, you have every right to prioritize your own happiness and well-being. You deserve a partner who contributes, cares, and respects you. If your current situation continues, taking steps to ensure a better future for yourself and your child is not just an option—it's a necessity.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Madam. I am married from last one and half years now, there has been numerous fights in between small and big ones both. In between this time I have become a mother, and, my baby is 7 months old now. My husband does nothing, did nothing in past one and half years. He is only occupied with his work all the time, he goes to office everyday mostly. Right now my baby is 7 months old and from last 7 months me and my parents are taking care of the baby. And, he absolutely shows no understanding when it comes to looking after the baby. Am also a working person. Moreover I pay all the bills when it comes to getting household stuff, paying rent, all the expenses related to baby. He is so shameless that he just doesn’t care too, when I pick these topics or raise concerns about handling the baby he gets abusive. I am not sure what to do now! How insensible can a person get if no one sees my husband would never feel that person like him exist in this world. I feel like filing a divorce petition now. He was the one who wanted to have baby so soon. I was never ready. Now when I have the baby I am the only person along with my parents and sister looking after the baby.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your husband wants a family without responsibilities and that's why neither is he interested in the baby nor in paying the bills...This is not just insensitivity but lack of emotional immaturity and the unwillingness to take on responsibilities head on...Approach a senior male member within the family who is someone that has been a role model to others in terms executing family responsibilities and is also caring and affectionate. This person can appeal to your husband and talk some sense into him.

If there's no one that fits the bill, the only option is to go to a professional for Couples Therapy. There's a reason why your husband avoids his duties as a husband and father and that needs to be uncovered and sorted out. It will also help the two of bond and connect better. Make this attempt before jumping into divorce; separating is a whole different world that comes with its own set of challenges and with the baby now in the picture, work at the marriage and putting things together.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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