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Feeling Intimidating to Boyfriend: How to Deal?

Shalini

Shalini Singh  |132 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Jul 17, 2024

Shalini Singh is the founder of andwemet, an online matchmaking service for urban Indians living in India and overseas. After graduating from college as a kindergarten teacher, Singh worked at various firms specialising in marketing strategy, digital marketing and public relations before finding her niche as an entrepreneur. In 2008, she founded Galvanise PR, an independent communications and public relations. In 2019, she launched andwemet.
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Asked by Anonymous - Jul 17, 2024Hindi
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I feel that I intimidate my boyfriend. How should I stop? I should I recognise when I am intimidating him? Or is there any other approach to deal with entire situation. What will happen when in the future I will use all my potential and become very successful? I am very hardworking woman who regularly improve herself. He is hardworking too. But always a step behind. I have never said anything to him even I have downgraded myself several time to boost his confidence. But is it right thing to do? He is very loving person and I dont want to loose him. How should I deal with entire situation?

Ans: How are you intimidating your boyfriend? Has he told you so or you feel so..if you do, what makes you feel this way. Is your boyfriend insecure about your success. Are you ok doing better than your boyfriend and is he ok being the way he is but happy to see you be ambitious? If so then I think you are overthinking, all is good, but if you are looking for an equally ambitious person and he a laid back person then there may be an issue going ahead. Hope this response gets you to reflect.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1186 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 24, 2022

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Hello... I have been in a relationship since 10 years, not yet married.My boyfriend is okay in all ways. But there is something that's bothering me a lot. Whenever he is with his friends or family I just get angry and scold him whatever I like. I don't like if he talks very close to his friends (male friends) or family. He is trying his best to keep me happy, but I'm feeling insecure when he is with his friends and family.To be honest even if he gives more importance and value to his family that makes me feel more angry.I'm unable take this anymore.After fights even I think why did I did like this, what's wrong with me?I question myself after a fight. I even think that I won't be doing this next time because even friends and family are important but it's doesn't work and he is fed up with me.Whenever he is with friends or his family, I create something that's not true.End of the day I'm crying, I'm loosing my happiness.Waiting for an answer
Ans:

Dear PS,

What are you worried about? That by spending time away from you or not involving you when he is in a social setting, he might forget you or move away from you?

After 10 years, why do you feel the need to cling on to him in insecurity and anxiety?

Time to give yourself some love and attention?

Become your best friend and pamper yourself with a lot of care instead of constantly expecting it from your relationship?

The more you become safe and secure with yourself, the less you will cling onto your partner.

Clinging on and ‘owning’ another person will only make them move away from you as no one likes to be controlled and dictated to.

Instead, why don’t you ask him about his day and who he met up with and genuinely try and integrate into his life?

In this way, he will want to engage more with you and invite you when he is with his friends and family?

When you watch him interact with others, instead of feeling insecure and jealous, can you think of appreciating what he has brought into your life and why the two of you have been together for 10 years?

Also, involve him into your life and life’s journey.

Playing the victim involves a lot of drama, but playing a liberated person involves no effort.

So love yourself and love your partner for who he is.

The change in your relationship and your state of mind will be almost magical.

Enjoy the moment and be happy!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |358 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 28, 2024

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Hey mam I am just 23 I have a boyfriend and my family accepted him but I can't understand his behaviour sometimes he behaving like a no one can love me like him he supported me always by financial he is a soft heart person but ???? sometimes when he is in angry he can't understand anything sometimes I abused by him and behaving like I am nothing for him he shouted among people he can't think what I can feel what is this ma'am ????what can I do
Ans: Dear Priya,
It seems you're experiencing a relationship with mixed behaviors from your boyfriend. On one hand, he supports you financially and shows affection, but on the other, he becomes verbally abusive and dismissive when angry. This duality can be confusing and emotionally draining.

It's important to recognize that his abusive behavior, even if it's only during moments of anger, is a significant issue. Such behavior can erode your self-esteem and sense of safety over time. Abuse isn't just physical; verbal and emotional abuse can be just as damaging.

When someone shouts at you or dismisses your feelings, especially in public, it indicates a lack of respect and self-control. This kind of behavior is unacceptable and should not be excused or normalized, regardless of the moments of kindness and support he shows.

Consider discussing your concerns with him during a calm moment, emphasizing how his behavior affects you. If he's willing to listen and seek help, such as anger management or couples counseling, there might be a way to address these issues. However, if he dismisses your concerns or refuses to change, it may be necessary to reevaluate the relationship for your own well-being.

You deserve to be in a relationship where you're consistently treated with respect and love. Seeking support from friends, family, or a professional counselor can also help you navigate this situation and make the best decision for your future.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |331 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jul 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 17, 2024Hindi
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My boyfriend have insecurities which is affecting our relationship. He compare his family financial status with mine. He thinks that he dont deserves me. He thinks that my family wont accept him. So he is slowly pulling away so that I find someone better. However, he is making efforts too to improve his financial status. But this will take time. Meanwhile my family is searching for a groom. I have made efforts to make my boyfriend realise that his financial status wont be an issue for my family. And at end of the day my family will look at his nature. But he is not convinced. How should I help him to remove his insecurities? Should I wait for him to resolve it himself? I am scared that by the time he improve his financial status, I will be married off to someone else.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand your dilemma. Let's start with the positives- your boyfriend wants the best for you, he is trying to improve himself for you, and your family places more importance on people's nature rather than their finances. These are some great things you have going on in your life. Now, let's try to fix the issues- I am assuming that you have tried having an open discussion with your boyfriend and he is still not understanding your family dynamics. We can't blame him; very few people are as open-minded as your family. The best course of action here would be to arrange a meet-up with your family. If it comes from them that they do not mind his financial condition as long as he puts effort into improving it, he might believe it and might be relieved of his insecurities.

If you feel like you are running out of time between your boyfriend trying to be well-established and your family's search for a groom, it would be best to have a serious conversation about your relationship with your parents.

After all your efforts, if your partner still does not understand or believe that finances are not an issue, you should reconsider the relationship. As much as he is doing everything in your best interest, one insecure partner and the other forever trying to assure them never makes for a healthy relationship. Occasional insecurities are common and completely normal, but continuous ones are exhausting.

Best Wishes.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1186 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 02, 2024Hindi
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Hi Madam. I am married from last one and half years now, there has been numerous fights in between small and big ones both. In between this time I have become a mother, and, my baby is 7 months old now. My husband does nothing, did nothing in past one and half years. He is only occupied with his work all the time, he goes to office everyday mostly. Right now my baby is 7 months old and from last 7 months me and my parents are taking care of the baby. And, he absolutely shows no understanding when it comes to looking after the baby. Am also a working person. Moreover I pay all the bills when it comes to getting household stuff, paying rent, all the expenses related to baby. He is so shameless that he just doesn’t care too, when I pick these topics or raise concerns about handling the baby he gets abusive. I am not sure what to do now! How insensible can a person get if no one sees my husband would never feel that person like him exist in this world. I feel like filing a divorce petition now. He was the one who wanted to have baby so soon. I was never ready. Now when I have the baby I am the only person along with my parents and sister looking after the baby.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your husband wants a family without responsibilities and that's why neither is he interested in the baby nor in paying the bills...This is not just insensitivity but lack of emotional immaturity and the unwillingness to take on responsibilities head on...Approach a senior male member within the family who is someone that has been a role model to others in terms executing family responsibilities and is also caring and affectionate. This person can appeal to your husband and talk some sense into him.

If there's no one that fits the bill, the only option is to go to a professional for Couples Therapy. There's a reason why your husband avoids his duties as a husband and father and that needs to be uncovered and sorted out. It will also help the two of bond and connect better. Make this attempt before jumping into divorce; separating is a whole different world that comes with its own set of challenges and with the baby now in the picture, work at the marriage and putting things together.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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