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Anu Krishna

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach 

966 Answers | 163 Followers

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Answered on Jun 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2024Hindi
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Hi.. good evening.. i want your advise.. we are married for 6 months now and we had a arranged marriage. My mistake was not informing my wife about my past relationship which we had broken up badly and immediately after my marriage my ex girlfriend shared our pictures with my wife purposefully and she got upset with that and me and my family convinced my wife that i have broken up with her and i dont have any contact with her and it is true and i am loyal to my wife. Everthing was normal after that and 2 months passed and i observed that my wife is in regular contact with a guy on phone whom she calls friend and talks to him daily. I confronted this to her and she told that he is just her freind and he had helped her before during her difficult times. Again this continued and i asked her to stop contacting him daily and even though he is a friend what is the point in talking to him daily and she just cried telling that i am controlling her and she feels like she has no freedom and is in jail and i am not allowing her to talk to her friends. After this she limited her talks with him and seemed fine by me as it is just a friendly casual talks 2 to 3 times a week. One day she asked me reply to one of her emails and wanted to upload some file. While i went to upload i had access to her google photos and i was shell shocked to see lots of photos of her with this guy whom she calls friend and in close proximity. Also there are pictures of them dated 3 to 4 years back and also the most hurting part is the pictures of her with him after our marriage as well. She had told me that they have a college get together and reunion and she had went with him on that day and stayed overnight as well. I was literally shocked by this and confronted her immediately and then she told me that she was in relationship with him and her parents did not agree so couldnt marry him and even he also cancelled many marriage proposals because of her and she betrayed him and happily married now with me while he is still not married and she feels guilty as all this happened to him because of her and so she talks to him daily and she can only feel ok once he is married. I told her she has to stop talking to him if we want to keep this marriage.. she tells me if i leave her she is dead as even her parents wont accpet her and also he (her ex boyfriend) will not accept her and she says she has nowhere else to go.. she still cares for me though but i dont know what else to do.. she still talks to him 2 to 3 times a week... please advise how to go about this
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your wife was never into this marriage and it became convenient for her to pursue a link with her ex-boyfriend once she found out about your past.
Everything that she does now being justified. You are right in putting your foot down, but have you seen a favorite toy being snatched away from a child? The need for that toy only gets stronger.
The way that you can counter this is by showering her with a lot of care and attention as I do gather that the two of you want this marriage. You want it as you are in love with your wife, she wants it as she has nowhere to go. Fair enough! The reasons right now might not be the same BUT someday with much love going into the relationship, the two of you can be on the same path.

Now, the question is: Are you willing to wait and pour more into the relationship? She will waver for a while going back and forth between you and that guy; it will hurt you...There will be a lot of anger and perhaps feelings of inadequacy in you, BUT you know that it's not the case. Can you persist on this journey? I sincerely believe that somewhere along the way, she is bound to stick by you when she realizes the stability that you can offer and that the sheen out there will wear out. Possible? Are you willing? If you are, go for it...Love, care, stability, security is something that is core in any marriage...be a part of it!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
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Answered on Jun 20, 2024

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I'm a girl. I love a person who is married to a girl in 2020 and got seperated in 2021. they agreed to seperate permanently on 2022 and signed in a bond paper without going to court as they don't have children and she don't want any money from him. after that, the girl married someone else and have childen with second husband. now I want to marry that man but my parents are opposing and blackmailing us if I marry him, they will put him into jail. we got seperated after that he asked his first wife to sort out this issue. but she refused to help us.then he put a contested divorce case in court. first hearing is on 18.07.2024. i got engaged with other man and marriage was fixed on 5.9.2024. I'm not interested in this marriage. if i tell this to my parents,they will kill me. can anyone tell me when will my lover get divorce. how many days will happen? anyone help me legally to join with my loved one. anyone help me what to do
Ans: Dear Raji,
Maybe you are seeking an astrologer's response.
But since, this question is staring at me, I can tell you one thing...you are inviting more stress into your life by pursuing a man whose divorce has not been finalized. You are constantly going to be dealing with uncertainties and to top it all, your parents are totally against all of this.
But if you are absolutely sure that this is the man that you want to marry, then you have to be patient and wait it out. Do tell your parents about your decision and of course, you have to be strong enough to deal with their opposition as well. Be patient...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
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Answered on Jun 17, 2024

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Hi Anu, After reading a lot of your responses I started to believe that you probably have a solution to my complex problem I am 42 yr old and wife 40 and we live in AUS. We have 2 beautiful, smart kids 11 and 7. She is a nice person but not very smart to think what should we care and what not care and live a happy life. A few years ago my mom from India used to visit how used to complain about my in-laws about how rude they are how they not keep in touch at all and all that. This is absolutely true because I saw that myself. But my wife being a loving daughter thinks none of that is true and my mom is lying. 10 years ago my dad passed away after 2 months of lot of suffering from cancer, my wife was pregnant here at the same time in AUS. I had to go to India to spend with time with my dad during his last days.One unbelievable truth is when I was performing funeral rituals on on side my father in law was telling all my close visitors that I am not talking/calling much to my wife during these days to AUS. All those guests told me about it. But my father-in-law says that he never said those things to visitors and they are all lying. My wife firmly believes that they are all lying. When I talked to him in person he agreed that he said those things. He is never nice to our family. He never even offered help to my family when my dad was suffering. All that a side, realizing that me and my family is disturbed a lot, none of my family members are saying anything to her just so that we are happy and nothing bothers us. It's been 2 1/2 years like that. But she is not ready for forget what happened in the past and live a happy family life. Despite suffering I myself tell her to forget all that happened and I never talk about past things. But she still clings on to those thoughts. My kids are suffering now. To keep my family happy, I try to make fun , talk to her, go places and all that. But with those past thoughts she turned into a heartless person. Please help. Tell me where, what and how can I/we fix this.
Ans: Dear Harsha,
Thank you for the acknowledgement.
My suggestion to you: Start afresh!
Digging what happened only puts your wife in the spotlight...maybe she wasn't at her best and things went downhill, but it will not give her the chance to rework things and integrate back into the family.
So, press the RESET button and along with the kids, focus on your family...what her father said or not, what someone should have done or not; let it be done and dusted.
For relationships to work and move, both parties involved, must make that choice to leave the past behind, else the shadows keep growing and casting a cloud over something that is healthy and has a chance to grow beautifully.
Does this make sense here? If I tell you to go down the path and confront her about her father, she will get defensive and this thing will get ugly and perhaps backfire.
Are you willing to start afresh is the question here? If YES, what will this do for you? Now, you know what to do...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
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Answered on Jun 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 16, 2024Hindi
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I met a guy on a matrimonial site. After falling for each other and spending over 2 months together, he introduced me to his colleagues, cousins, and friends. When I suggested discussing marriage with our families, he revealed his family wasn't ready, despite us being from the same caste. Eventually, he cheated on me and broke his commitments, leaving me alone
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
He was perhaps only testing how you are in different social contexts and whether you gel well with his mind in all these situations.
He could have been mature about it and actually told you about it rather than testing you this way and then dropping you like a hot potato. In all likelihood, he's just using his parents as an excuse to actually say NO to the alliance.
What commitment are you referring to? Did he promise to marry you? Did you actually believe that so soon?
It takes a while to get to know someone and actually develop a level of trust to believe what they say. But you mention that you 'fell' for each other...
Is it possible that you 'fell' for him and he was just testing the whole time and you forgot to read the signals?
Eagerness to please and be in someone's life can lead to you dropping your guard and not seeing red flags when you must. Now, when you say he cheated on you, what does that mean? Was there any sort of formal or informal agreement as a couple? If NO, there is no cheating involved, right? Yes, you are hurt, but better that he did what he did now than later after a commitment, yeah?

There are a few gaps in what you have shared and I can only gather something to suggest to you: Please move on, the next time when you meet someone, take time to evaluate the person before placing your heart out on a plate...Value and love yourself a lot and that will translate into respect from the other person.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
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Answered on Jun 17, 2024

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I need advice on how to keep my wife and mom from fighting so much. We are currently staying with my mom due to her having so many health issues. It doesnt help that 3 people are living in a small camper with no privacy. I know most of that is the issue but im afraid to leave my mom alone but she doesn't want to move to a bigger place. I work about 50 hours a week and cannot mediate between them. Ive tried both talking to them separately and together. My mom says my wife does things to intentionally annoy her and my wife says my mom is to controlling. Im trapped in the middle because no matter what i do or say im defending someone. Help please..
Ans: Dear Jay,
Two grown-ups must be allowed to deal with their unique relationship their way. The responsibility of how it turns out is theirs and not yours. So, honestly step back. The reason you possibly might want to play the peacemaker is you feel responsible towards your wife and your mother; please don't and stay off of it. The more you play this role, the more you make them dependent on you.
Yes, it's a difficult thing as a son to leave your mother especially with so many health issues, BUT is she physically incapable of caring for herself? Is it possible that she can live with a sibling of yours or any other family member for a few weeks? This gives you some breathing space and some time with your wife where you connect without the external challenges that are creeping into your relationship with her.
Also, this space will allow both the women to appreciate one another and also learn the valuable presence each has on the family. So, no more mediation BUT time to do something different with less talk and more results. Try this...of course, you need to be prepared to move on from this fear of leaving your mother alone which you are not...it's just requesting her to live with another family member (your sibling OR her sibling).
Slowly, you can bring up the topic of shifting to a larger space whereby each of you have some space from one another. First things first is to diffuse the tension between the two before suggesting any big changes. You can give this a shot, yeah?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
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Answered on Jun 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 08, 2024Hindi
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I am 43 yr old, working as salesman, accountant other office related job last 13 years in same shop, having salary not more than 20000.00. Now i m suffering from diabetics, and can't do all the job in proper time as accepted by my shop owner. Sometime due to pressure of job, and unable to give suitable times to my family, a times comes when quarrel happen with my wife. Also sometime i feel like i m not satisfy with my job and also feel that i m depress. what to do please advice.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
When it comes to family and managing within an income, it can be difficult but not impossible.
Step 01:
Cut down on unnecessary expenses (You and your wife can make a budget and stick to it)
Step 02:
Find ways to make additional income (You and/or your wife can find ways to make some extra money; online tuitions/cookery classes etc)

Now, if being in the same job has become boring and there is no further scope to grow as a salesman, then maybe it's time to actually do something different? This decision has to be made after considering what savings you have and how much you will need to dip into it till the time you figure out what you can do or till the point you get another job.
No point being frustrated BUT it's maybe a good time to actually think of what more and what different you can do? A lot of people change career paths in their 40s BUT there is a right time for it. Consider this only after you and your wife have had a chance to talk about it and then look at your finances (expenses, loans etc) and then make the right call.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
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Answered on Jun 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 15, 2024Hindi
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Dear Anu Mam, I am 70 yrs living with my wife. We have a maid 40 yrs, very good looking n attractive figure. She is very good in household work. Over the months we have become very close. No sex but physical. I support her financial separately also. Now she insists i marry her, so that we can be sexually active and she moves in with us full time. I dont know how my wife will react. Advise.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Do you not worry about what will happen if this maid opens her mouth and cries foul? And here you are talking marriage behind your wife's back? How do you think your wife will react? Obviously she has been your companion for decades...you think she is going to welcome the 'new' bride?
You have seen life through all its ups and downs to know that being mature and practical is what will work here! So, what will be the most mature and practical thing to do? You know what to do and I am sure that you were just checking in here with me to simply align with the way you are thinking about this...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
(more)

Answered on Jun 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 08, 2024Hindi
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I'm 48 and my spouse is 44, both aare employed in Financial services. We have 2 kids . Last month my mom who is 70 years old shifted to her home. She was fed up of the constant bickering with my wife. I Told my wife that sometimes it makes sense to not respond to petty things. But she wants to always prove herself right. She has poisoned my kids minds by telling her all sorts of things about my family. Going back home from work feels like torture. I dread. A lot of water has flowed since these many years. Her mom has been a source of ideas for my wife. My mother-in-law is sort of a social butterfly and is known in her area and even in the family for loose talks. Now I have developed an aversion for my wife. I Have no intimacy with her as she has called me lustful a few times and many other abuses. She also broke a finger. . I can hit back but then it would be deadly but I don't. After such insults it isn't possible to get close to her. But I can't remain celibate all my life. I have needs too.. Would it be wrong if I look out? Ps. I have tried all sorts of reasoning but in vain. I was thinking of being on dating sites. I don't know what is right or wrong. But this kind of living frustrates me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There's nothing right or wrong BUT doing things on an impulse will possibly backfire on your moral value system; are you someone who will be able to have a relationship outside of marriage? Every person has their own moral compass to work with and around!
Why don't you start by actually devising a strategy to work on your marriage...yes, it's gone downhill BUT nothing lasts forever, right? There are children involved and the wise thing would be to attempt to set your marriage on the right track...yes, much water under the bridge, but there's hope always.
Consult with a marriage therapist/coach who will be able to guide the two of you to be strongly committed towards one another and keep interference from the outside at bay. Once the emotional ground is set, physical intimacy will sway along...be patient!
At least, give it a shot, yeah?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
(more)

Answered on Jun 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 27, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I'm a 34 years old woman. I'm pursuing my PhD in a reputed university in India. Unfortunately I have taken 10 years to finish this PhD but unable to finish. For three years my boyfriend helped me financially for my studies even my family also. Now he is frustrated, because he thought once I finished with PhD, he will leave his current job n go for abroad or join for PhD. He was thinking I'll help him. Unfortunately, my career at risk now. Because of financial instability we are unable to think of our future, I mean marriage. My entire family is disappointed. I blocked him saying, once I get settled n stable, I'll contact him. I'm under pressure thinking of my career, job, finance, family etc.etc. Because of above things, I'm unable to do anything even neglecting my studies.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
When you depend on something or someone for something else to happen, it's like giving away your power and losing control over it.
Frustration and Disappointment are obviously going to follow...first cut the dependencies and conditional help. If your boyfriend depended on your finishing studies for him to go abroad, did you and him not feel like a sword dangling over your heads?
Obviously, the pressure gets to you and it's difficult to focus and get things done.
Study, focus and finish what you need to...you have started on this path...10 years is a long time and now is the time to persist and finish what you have started; if your boyfriend has the maturity, he will wait for you and also independently explore how to fund himself and go abroad. Don't people find a way to go abroad and study? Do all of them depend on their families and spouses and partners? He will find a way; it's time to find yours and then for both of you to align...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
(more)

Answered on Jun 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 09, 2024Hindi
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Hie I need an advice about marriage, I am 28 years old and wants to marry a guy who is younger than me, however earns good salary. Also we are from different caste. I am afraid of having conversation about this with my parents and also I am confused that how to have this conversation with my parents. He loves me a lot and always support me. Also i got engaged with different person (arranged marriage), however that person broke the engagement and now I wont be able to trust and give chance to a new person to come into my life.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Why exactly did you get engaged with someone else when you say that you are in love with another person?
I don't get this...Have the conversation with you parents stating clearly what you want. Yes, your parents will and might oppose it for whatever reason, but if you and the boy are serious, then pursue it...
Then where is the question of a new person coming and your trusting etc. From your email/letter, one thing is clear to me is that: you have no idea what you want. You love someone and say that you want to marry him and then you go and get engaged to someone else and now you are wondering if you can trust someone new.
What is going on? What happens to your 'guy'? Are you serious about that relationship at all?
I think you really need to first sit and have a conversation with yourself and then talk to your parents, yeah?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
(more)

Answered on Jun 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 12, 2024Hindi
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Hi Anu, I'm married since 5 years now and having loving In-Laws who are financially very well to do. My husband and I earn very less as compared to my in-laws, with whom we stay. My husband is 37 years old and earns 47000 INR a month, out of which he saves 35000 INR (in-laws have told him not to spend on house expense, but instead save). The rest 12000 INR he has for himself. I am also working and all my earning is with me. The problem is that he usually ends up spending almost all of the 12K. This angers me as I feel he should focus on saving as much as possible from that. We have an understanding among us that the expense for enjoyment will be borne by me as his major chunk is being saved for "Our" future. Am I wrong to be upset with his spending?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Are you wrong to be upset?
NO and YES...
NO; as you feel wronged that you are the one spending on enjoyment, so where does he spend 12K?
YES; as you have not conveyed it to him or the two of you have not spoken about it earlier. Have you discussed that he must save the 12K?
So, the key to any solid marriage is COMMUNICATION...Communicating your needs, wants, desires, values and aligning them to make the marriage work looking at the larger picture.

Simply have a frank conversation. For all you know, he may just understand where you are coming from; BUT if he wants to spend SOME OF his hard earned money on himself his way, kindly let it be. It's the pride of a man to be able to earn and spend without asking for anyone's permission. Do respect that...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
(more)

Answered on Jun 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 09, 2024Hindi
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Hi mam, My parents are very strict ones I tried to talk to them from last aug to November or December my father stoped talking to me and abused me with abusive words and my mother did not say anything she was in support to my parents, then I stopped some while , now parents are behaving normally like nothing happened and mother was asking is I forget about him i said no again and now I want to talk again about this issue but I don't how to start again I feel hesitation and i started panicking I feel so sad all the time I don't know what to do please help me . I love my parents and my partner very much , my partners parents were ready for us but now they are saying tell her to do talk to her parents fastly and ask if they are ready or not we will not wait for her , they are forcing him to marry someone else I'm so stressed all the time.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If you are an adult and my that I mean at an age where you can legally be married, then what is the confusion?
Also, is your partner is someone who values you and is also in a good financial position? (I say this only because many girls become blind in love without realizing that his income is the one that will support the family when you are ready to have a baby wherein there will be a small break in your career or you will have the flexibility to take a break).

What is the reason for your parents to say NO to this boy? I suggest that you address that concern otherwise no amount of talking is going to convince them. Request your partner to speak with his family so that can give you sometime to talk to your parents and sort things first. You are stressed all the time because instead of finding ways to solve the problem, you have been sitting with the problem and worrying about it.

Talk to your parents first, understand why don't like your partner and what must happen for them to start liking him. See where this talk leads you to...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
(more)

Answered on Jun 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 02, 2024Hindi
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I've been married for 20 years and my in laws staying with us for over 14 years now. I'm ok with my mother in law but have a very stressful relationship with my father in law. 13 years back he tried to overstep his boundaries in FIL-DIL relationship and i created lots of noise about it and told everyone in no unclear terms that such overture are not acceptable. However due to their complete financial dependency on my husband, they have still continued to stay with us. My FIL tried a couple of time to apologize personally but after sometime he has started telling that he is the aggrieved party and misunderstood. I strictly avoid speaking with him unless totally necessary wrt some house issue or child related issue. He interferes in my decision related to my child, like taking him off the activity classes where i enrolled, allowing him to eat junk food when i have strictly told no because of IBS related problem etc. I've also told my husband in no unclear terms that i want a separate household, but unfortunately because of their old age and for fear of society norms he isn't doing it. The environment in my house is quite stressful because of this to me, everyone else is just continuing without bother. How to deal with this? I tried living in other city with my child as well but then felt my house is breaking without any fault in our relationship (husband- wife), and my child was feeling emotional so i returned. This situation and stress has given me health conditions and made me irritable as well. I just don't want to live like this but have no option but to continue it seems. I need suggestion how to handle this.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What society says is more important that actually safeguarding his wife from a predator father? Seriously?
Your husband needs a lesson or two in responsibilities in marriage and that also includes 'protecting' his wife...
Now, if he is worried that they are old and what will the society say, ask him what the same society will say when they know what his father is up to?

Your father-in-law is just trying to punish you for your refusal by interfering in how you should be raising your child...
Please do not put up with this kind of nonsense! Someone needs to drive sense into your husband and yes, you need to live separately from your in-laws. Your father-in-law is not a great influence at this point in time and your husband needs to move beyond his 'blind' love and sense of duty towards them.

You and your child are also his priority and when a wife feels unsafe, the husband has no option but to address it and make her feel safe again. Your husband is conveniently avoiding the confusion that will emerge from living separately and hence is taking the easy way out.
Talk to him and put your foot down. If he is still unwilling, please ask your family members to drive some sense in him. He can take care of them living a few blocks away, right?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
(more)

Answered on Jun 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 05, 2024Hindi
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Hi ma'am, thank you so much for helping people with your answers. My question Im 27, F I met a guy through arranged marrage proposal, initially was not very ok because of which I postponed telling my decision for 2 weeks. Then we both spoke and i said yes, next week he called my father and said he is looking to get married to someone who is financially rich, I was totally taken back because when he spoke he seemed very genuine and promising i called and spoke to him he says he is still in growing state so he needs some financial aid from his inlaws, i said I have a job I can support him, he said give me a weeks time to decide, next week he called me and said he is ok with the marriage in the ground that I will work and support, I SAID HIM PLS ALLOW ME SOMETIME TO DECIDE, AS THIS IS NOt SCHOOL, COLLEGE OR JOB DECISIONS. When I called after 1 week he is not taking my calls, by my sentance i meant school, college or job can be left if not interested but marriage is not like that. Am wondering if he understood this as what if this girl has multiple relationship in school/college/job... And am assuming he did not take my call for this statement of mine? Please help me come out of this confusion, are my words very stupid? My family is scolded and blaming me because I delayed it for 2 week.. Mentally exhausted with all the arranged marriage rejection...and is it worth to get married at 27?? Awaiting for your answers
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am glad that he is out of this equation...
Which mature man will act the way that he did simply because you requested for time? And then now, you are wondering if it was your fault?
What sort of condition was that about wanting financial aid from his future in-laws? A marriage under any condition will not work as it depends on things external. Where is the time to build trust and love when there are superficial conditions present?
You have not been rejected, you have rescued yourself from a relationship with an immature man. So, pat yourself in the back and value yourself first.
The right person who will appreciate you will come along...start to appreciate yourself...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
(more)

Answered on Jun 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 05, 2024Hindi
Relationship
Hi ma'am , i am a 22 year old girl who is financial independent now . I am very grateful to my parents for everything they did for me but i feel like my mom hasn't let me be the person i want to be . For instance , my mom would pick my clothes for the longest , she would most often not allow me to pick a dress of my choice . Not just this she wouldn't allow me to go out with my friends to a mall (even if it involved the entire class) or a restaurant or have sleepover (with only my group 5/6 girl friends). So much so that they all stopped inviting me back then and still don't invite me . I still let all of this slide . After finishing 10th standard , i wanted to become a doctor and took up NEET coaching . Now again my mom didn't want me to become doctor simply because i would have to study for 10+ years and she wouldn't be able to find a suitable husband for me . I was in the top 5 students in my class and was consistently securing 500 .. 550 out of 720 in the NEET exams . I felt extremely heartbroken because she would continuously fight with me every morning until i dropped the interest in medicine. I am an engineer now and have a nice job but i still feel bad because this wasn't really my choice . I often feel self-doubt now in making my decisions because of how my mom has treated me . Just before my 12th standard exams , a boy on my mom's side was of marriage age , this guys is 10 years older than . even though this guy had a great family and is himself a good guy , it doesn't mean my mom wishes for me to marry him , more so since i am a good student who wanted to study . Luckily neither his parents nor mine initiated any discussions about our marriage . I have always felt like my life is not my own and even now i often have self doubt when i have to make a serious decision for myself . i now have boyfriend who i really want to marry .Both he and his parents like me very much and approve of my marriage . He is 6 years older than me , but i don't see that as a problem because we really get along really well and even my parents have an age gap of 6 years. However my mother doesn't understand this , she was okay with getting me married to a guy 10 years older than because it was an arranged marriage apparently and the same for her own marriage ! All of thing frustrates beyond no measure . She gave us time till the end of the year , so that he can get a better job , but she still keeps talking to me about marriage with other people . Imagining marriage with anybody other than my boyfriend makes me sad . I don't want to let go of my parents and neither my boyfriend because i really don't want to hurt my parents , i also have a younger sister so i don't want to ruin her life either . But i really don't think that choosing whatever will make them happy is right for me , especially since i have been doing that for 22 years already. I already explained to my dad about evrything that makes me sad but my mother doesn't seem to understand any of this . Recently this inicident took place , my laughed about how i cried when a group of friends came to invite me to the mall , she literally fought with them and sent them away while i stayed back at home and cried . This incident was embarrassing for me back then and still makes me sad . My mom hasn't treated me with respect at all , she thinks i should do whatever she says simply because she's my mom . Even though my mom said she'll give me and my boyfriend time , she didn't stick to her words , she didn't ask me for his number but instead thought she would get it from a proffesor in my egineering college . She started ranting to the professor about me loving boyfriend etc etc . This incident again was extremely embarrassing for me . I really don't know what to do . Sometimes i just feel like choosing to die is the simplest way out . please help me ma'am . what is the right thing to do for a girl living in india who is in this situation ?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Time to take charge of your life?
Just do it...even a child who is learning to walk must get down from the arms of his/her mother, start walking, fall and then get up again...
The need for independence is something that is ingrained into us from an early age and it is healthy for the caregiver and the child. Your mother missed understanding this and somehow felt that taking control of you will mean care and this has led to expectations from you in return.
And the way to begin to take charge is not rebel and get into a marriage however relieving that may seem; start by taking small decisions. Allow yourself to fail and then try again...
This will give you an added confidence when you are able to decide things on your own and for yourself and it becomes your responsibility. Move on from what has happened to what can happen NOW; this will enable you not let the past stick on...
Once you are back on your feet, that's the time to be firm about your marriage; so be patient with it...Rushing into a relationship now could only mean that you are escaping from the current situation and what is likely to happen is that you will allow yourself to be controlled there as well as that is the only behavior that you have grown up with.
So, become your own person first and then slowly start to explore relationships further...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
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Answered on Jun 09, 2024

Answered on Jun 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 06, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Madam me and my wife were married for 13 Odd Yrs and have been blessed with 2 kids aged about 12 and 8 respectively, while things were quite good but my wife addiction to social media ( FB / Insta ) spoilt entire relationship and she making up friends who are totally unknown spoilt her and also found out in the long run she was involved with other men, eventually we got divorced and kids custody was given to me but after about 2 Yrs i realised my kids needs support of an mother at home as it was making things difficult for me as a single parent to manage, thereby i happend to meet a person who had advertised thru marriage portal, though she was a widow with 2 kids, felt she cd be able to handle it better as her kids have lost their father, felt this would work, first few months she was quite okay later on she starting unnecessarily issues and made sure my kids return back to their biological mother as they felt things were more comfortable over there, and this partner of mine expects me to show love attention only to her and her biological kids, though she doesnt say it straight, her reactions and unnecessary disputes and fights after me visiting my kids or meeting them or even if i have gone to visit my mother or had lunch or dinner with her, make her feel very restlesness, i have always told and advised her to maintain good relationship with my family, but due to her arrogance and ignorance my own family members have distanced her and continue to talk to me or meet me outside, she has gone to the extent saying she wants to get out of the relationship and i had borrowed money due to my hardtimes and she keeps saying she wants money to be returned so that she steps out and want to stay independently with her kids, I am also fed up and completely lost being away from my kids and my mother Is it advisable to go for divorce or just seperation will do, or can a bond paper specifiying that i have returned her money and have ended this relationship and no claims further will be entertained, can i have this - Pls guide, its better to stay single and take care of my own kids and mother than being away from them and taking care of other kids as own...
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's a lot of mess...where and how things went downhill is something that you surely know. Take care of the children first. The kid are caught in the middle of all of this.
Yours and hers as well...
Sadly, she hasn't matured to understand the concept of embracing your children as her own but wants to cling on to you and literally draw a wedge between you and your family.
RED FLAG, right there...

Now, you need to think about how all this is affecting the children and the impact it is having in your daily life. Is there a way by which this lady will be able to understand that you all will be one big unit; children, the two of you and your family and hers as well...If she is prepared for this, then it gets easy on everyone but if her insecurities are going to get the better of her, this is a bigger mess that you could have ever imagined.
Have a frank talk and clearly state the people who are important to you and that you wish to be connected to them just as she wants her children to be a part of her life.
Hear what she has to say and then I guess, you will know what to do as your ask and want is clear in your mind. The best relationships are the ones that bring people together and nourishes them.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
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Answered on Jun 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 01, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi mam. I kind of need mental fitness advice. I am 26 years old female. I am afraid a lot in taking up the decisions in my life due to overthinking. But it is not same when it comes to my work side. Always taking up the negative things from my surroundings and expressing the same. Sometimes i make negative situations in my mind and cry. Is there a way to change my mindset to overcome my overthinking as well as my negative mindset. Pls give me some tips to overcome laziness as well as procastination. Is there any yoga or medidation to cure this one. Because i really hate myself for this.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What exactly do you get by punishing yourself? It's another way to indulge in self-pity which will only keep you in the problem zone for longer.
Instead pay attention to the reasons towards laziness and procrastination.
Ask:
- Do I display laziness with every activity or a few or one specific one?
- If Yes, which is it?
- What about that activity/situation makes me want to procrastinate and not take action on it?
- If I actually make a plan and act on that activity/situation, how will things change for me?

This will give you an idea as to what exactly happens in the mind to avoid something and what you can do about it. We are never motivated to do anything if we don not get something concrete back in return. So, define the reward clearly...
And as far as negative things go, if you choose to focus on it, obviously it will grow bigger in the mind.

Keep the above questions list with you and check at regular intervals when faced with procrastination. Have a social circle of friends who can pull you up when you are down BUT they will not be kind all the time if you are going to indulge into self-pity. So, the decision to get better, to become more positive and actually do something big in life is a decision. Focus on how much your life will change for the better when you do this and it will be a clean and quick switchover.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
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Answered on Jun 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 01, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
My brother had rough marriage since beginning. Last 14 yrs....gradually he became addicted to alcohol. Entire family tried to bridge the gap and tried to save him but we couldn't. After his demise we came to know he was being ill treated by his wife and mother-in-law who frequently visited them. Also his wife continued with her affair after marriage also, she aborted one child by taking pills within one year of marriage, that too without informing my brother. My brother was also exploited for his money by his wife and her brothers. Now that he is no more we have disowned her and broken all ties with her. I have so many evidences that shows she made my brother's life miserable and so he became addicted....I am not able to come out of this anger
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am truly sorry for your loss. Losing a loved one is never easy and under the circumstances that you have mentioned.
Your brother is gone and whatever you do, he isn't coming back. Maybe his wife and her family are to blame for what happened to him BUT holding onto that anger is only going to hurt you.
Your peace of mind which has already been disturbed will take a downturn with thoughts of what happened, how it happened and why it happened.

The past keeps us occupied and in this case even angry; what will you get by staying angry?
Once you know how detrimental anger is to you and how it impacts not only your health but also robs you of sane relationships with your near and dear.
If you are unable to come out of this grief and anger, do seek professional help as this is long journey where you might need some hand holding.
If you are not able to go to a professional, then simply:
- first decide that you are ready to release this anger
- next, write down exactly what causes this anger
- distract yourself through hobbies or do something that you love
- revive old happy memories with your brother and think of the happy times

Now, will this help in coming out of anger? Over time, YES but only if you have decided that you wish to come out of that anger...
The professional will guide you on the same lines, just that they will have the opportunity to work with you intensely. Let go of what hurts you...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
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Answered on Jun 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 29, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
my sister is having some psychiatric issue (has illusions of some relatives talking with her - mind voice) and got treated with medicines for about 2 months. 99% they all stopped now. some thing is still left in mind. she refuses to take medicines telling that she is ok and others not Ok and they only need to take medicines. how to make her take medicines. she is having knowledge of medicines and one can not cheat her telling that these medicines are only vitamins eic.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Were the medicines stopped by the doctor who prescribed them? If yes, go back to the doctor as things have not cleared out as yet for the medicines to be stopped.
If it was stopped based on self-diagnosis, it can be dangerous...Please do not stop or start any medication based on internet knowledge. Kindly take her to a doctor who will prescribe the right medicine in the right dosage; he/she will also guide the family members on how to manage when your sister refuses to take her medicines.
This requires immediate attention; kindly go and see a Doctor who can make a proper diagnosis if not done as yet.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
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Answered on Jun 06, 2024

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Relationship
Hi Madam, I am married (arrange marriage) for 10 years with a son of 8 years, I am middle class person and giving Home loan EMI also, because of which no money is saved. My problem is that my wife always demands money and fights for it. She is all aware of my income and expenditures of every month (I have prepared a list and shares with her). I have no habits of alcohol or smoking, but she always fights with me that I spends money on my bad habits and on friends. She always say that you don't take me outside , don't spend on me and blah blah...(I do take her to movies and wherever she wants to go with me or with her friends). She is very short tempered that I avoids talking to her but she finds a chance for fight. For her demands, I left my parental flat and mother and lived with her in a rented house for 5 years and now purchased an independent home also. But, I am fed up of her demands and fights. She even fights when our son is around and even comes near my body as if she wants to hurt me....(although we never had a physical fight). I am very afraid. For your information, she also works as a teacher in a private nursery school (pays half of our home loan EMI) and she is from village background. My father expired long back and mother is living with my younger brother. I even don't meet my close friends frequently (once or twice in a month) because of her fear, as when I meet them she fights on this issue also. I want peace in my life. Kindly help.
Ans: Dear Sunil,
This needs a bit more of finding out what exactly is going on? What is the root cause of anger and the blame game with your wife?
Whatever I suggest will just be a BAND-AID solution and things will flare up yet again. There is deep-seated anger and insecurities rising (from what I understand from you.
The only thing I can say is; spend time with her on an emotional level and maybe this will ease her emotional highs and lows. But, I do feel it is time to have an intervention where as a Couple you are given to tools to work on your relationship.
Do see an expert who specializes in marriage therapy/counseling. They will be able to guide you in a very structured fashion as to how to re-start and re-build your marriage.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
Asked on - Jun 06, 2024 | Answered on Jun 06, 2024
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Thanks for your suggestions, My reply for your suggestions are as follows: 1. Spend time with her on emotional level: I would like to inform you that except my office hours, I am only with her. At home or outside, she is always with me (she has separate vehicle, but waits for me to come from office to do daily home chores, like bringing veggies, grocery etc. As per her these are my duties). She likes to go for Movies, Natak, Shopping, I takes her for those things as per my pocket capabilities, even I never stopped her from meeting her friends or meeting her parents. She likes my company when I do things as per her demands, but she is so short tempered that even at my simple mistakes she fights vigorously. Earlier, she used to fight with my mother also (who is a cancer patient and not in a good health-my father expired 10 years back). That's why, I left my parental flat. Spending time with her is not a solution as when we spends time together as per her likes she behaves very good, but she comes to her original avatar in no time if her demands are not being met. 2. See an expert who specializes in marriage therapy/counselling: As I informed you, I am already burdened with my Home loan and other expenditures and can't afford to pay a therapist as they charge very high and moreover she will never be agree to come to a marriage therapist (this may even come as a new issue for her to fight and she can make allegations that I want to break marriage and I don't have trust on her etc.... etc.....). Only one thing coming in my mind is that to call her parents and take a meeting along with my mother and elder relatives and explain her behaviour to her parents and relatives, if that doesn't work, my close friend, who is a lawyer had already advised to give her a Notice-but that will be my final wayout. Kindly suggest what is better.
Ans: Dear Sunil,
You seem to have already given up.
I cannot tell you what to do or not but only make suggestions that can guide you. It is up to you to decide if you wish to take those suggestions and make an attempt OR go as per what you have decided.
If you are looking at me agreeing with your decisions that damage relationships, it is not on ethical terms here.
So, if you are willing to see a therapist who can fit your budget, I will still say, do that. Else involve a senior family member who can mediate between you and your wife.
If you have decided that all this will not work, then it won't...The choice is yours...

To break relationships, takes a second...to build it all over again can take a lifetime....

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
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Answered on Jun 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 04, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu... Am 39 and single woman with no income. Not working. Dependent on family. Did my MBA . I don't know what's happening in my life. Donno what to decide and how. Where to start. When to start. What to start. Should I 1st start earning or get married. I lost all my life bcz of my negligence and family issues. Never had a happy n peaceful day in my life. Something or other will be in family n life. Am not strong enough to take bold decisions. And lead my life independently. I want my family to be happy. My mom and dad's is love marriage but they didn't have a best life so even we children never had happy moments. But mentally very much attached to family. Can't live without them. What should I do? Am interested in marriage but alliance have huge demands and now am aged. People think am not good looking so I didn't get any proposal. I don't believe in love eventually I never supported love marriage of my friends and cousins. Ofcourse they are having best life. Now I feel alone.. I want to earn my bread. I want a family. I want to be married and enjoy family life too... Please help...
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Life and it's highs and lows are what makes us, breaks us and then makes us back again.
It is okay to be confused BUT it is not okay to wander about without making a decision which only leads to believe that life is hard.
What are the things that you have been wandering about?
- Marriage or being in a relationship
- Becoming financially independent
- Putting your degree to good use
- Stepping beyond home and family to create a life

Now, you have begun to think of it and maybe it frustrates you that it's too late. But better now than never...
Push your boundaries and first do something that can give you a WIN. That will boost you to take on challenges in every area of your life that you have possibly been avoiding.
No life or nothing is created or built without challenges.

The key question for you is: Have I been avoiding failure which is the reason for me to wander and not make a few decisions that would have helped me?
Start somewhere and a WIN in an area that you have control over, is what I suggest you start at...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
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Answered on Jun 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I got married (arranged) in 2021 but the marriage fell apart within a year due to dowry issues and domestic violence. In 2023 I met someone through divorcee’s matrimonial site and shifted to his city to live with him . This time I wanted to make sure he is the right one for me in every possible way . His family is super nice and understanding but he sometimes is violent with words . He abuses and has beaten me also . He keep saying he loves me and we have good chemistry too . Just his behaviour sometimes is unpredictable. What should I do ? I don’t want to fail second time . I want to make this work . I’m independent and working in government sector. We both are in same post.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
RED FLAG!
No, physical abuse, not cool at all...
Since you are testing the waters, know that your 'want to make it work' comes from a failed relationship and desperately trying to make this one work; despite the signs being clear...
Do you wish to take on the responsibility of a man who comes with his baggage of anger that shows up as verbal and physical abuse? And you are not even married for you to actually take on that responsibility, yeah?
Think again and then decide...you are at a place where money is not an issue, which gives you the flexibility to choose and not settle for less. DO NOT be eager to prove to yourself that you can make relationships work; there's no medal for that. BUT allow yourself the time to grow and heal to actually choose a life partner that deserves you. That medal of stability, security, warmth and trust will be what you will cherish. So, think hard and choose wisely

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
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Answered on Jun 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hai Anu I am a 40 year old woman living separate from my husband ,divorce proceedings ongoing after a long 12 years of believing his lies of making our life beautiful..now last two years he cheated me and my mother financially..he pledged my car without my permission to two people at a time and finally now I lost the car..he has built himself a large debt of nearing 1 crore..this was never forget me or my two girl kids ..we don't own a house nor did he buy us a car ..car I am using now is the one I have purchased on loan..I'm a Bank manager myself..my life is very frustrating and there was less physical relationship and finally he has asked me to use my fingers ..and after getting to know he has even borrowed money from my colleague I filed for divorce and already two hearings are over . I can never ever trust such a fraud who dared to put my signature in stamp paper while pledging my car.. and in the court I have made it very clear my decision of not going back to him but he keeps calling me and my colleagues daily and finally i had to block him.even in my office phone also he calls and i blocked him there also..I'm a person who wanted a beautiful partnership and family.this man destroyed everything..he don't even have a decent job and it was me who gave for his livelihood also ,then also he cheated me without any regret..now the situation is I had a class mate who is already divorced and he was a pillar of support for me during this crisis and eventually i fell for him and confessed my love for him..now he don't believe in marriage and I want a marriage.either him or no one else is my line of thought..what can I do to get him believe in marriage institution again..he too have confessed his feelings for me..after divorce I need a supportive partner ,I don't want to be alone in life..Anu please advise am I correct in my approach to life or not?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's unfortunate that you had to go through what you did.
But time to look ahead and far ahead. If your classmate is not a believer in marriage, what can you do? Convincing someone will go against their belief systems and this will go against you. Being divorced, there are wounds and fears that he carries that makes him have this belief. Let it be...Let him figure it out over time...
Focus on spending more time together; someday the two of you may want to be married. Do not hasten the process, it will not be a good idea. Let him flow with his thoughts and feel comfort and trust in you. So, simply think of spending quality time together keeping thoughts of marriage aside for the time being.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
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Answered on Jun 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 19, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Guru g, I am a merchant Navy professional, I have just married, But things in my family were not good before my marriage and after marriage the things are same , like fights of my mother with my grandmother, my father and mother fights, there is a toxic environment in my house, my time I have tried to neutralise the things but I can't change them it's in there basic nature, I don't want to live anymore with my parents, because in Village people all-around fill their minds with different things and they bing it to our house , because some people here can't see us growing, so I have decided that I will not live here, Then I left with two options either I move to city or go abroad, of I choose the first one then how would I convince my parents to go to city with them, what should I tell them so that they also didn't get hurt and allow me to take this step and also how can I find a good society because we are newly married couple and security is my main concern because I am very afraid of cities because there criminal activities are more than villages , and If I choose the 2nd option then I have to spend a lot of money but I wanted to do business in India because there is a lot of scope here and expenses to live a life is less here, so kindly help me take decision, I will be very thankful to you .
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You don't prefer the 'toxicity'!
You are afraid of big cities as criminal activities are more than the cities!
Your parents may not move in to the city but you also find the environment they are in toxic!
You feel some people can't see you growing!
You don't prefer going abroad as you want to business in India!

Can you see how you have restricted yourself? This is called having a dream BUT clipping one's own wings. How can you make a decision when there are so many self-imposed constraints?
I suggest:
- Drop down all the options possible
- List down the pros and cons of each
- Choose the one that is financially viable
- Let your parents choose where they want to live

You have just started your family life; focus on what's best from a growth perspective...take decisions that help your marriage and career grow...And oh, you can choose to see the crime in the city OR you can choose to see opportunities...where is your focus?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
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Answered on Jun 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 01, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu Its been 2 years since I got married and hv a 2 month old son. My wife is a qualified engineer and I am a consultant. My wife is showing hatred and anger towards my mom and dad. She thinks that they pampering me unnecessarily since me being a single child. Also we had a plan to settle down in abroad and started working towards that plan since marriage. Because of this we failed to understand ourselves both physically and mentally. My wife got admission masters degree in foreign university which she refused to go because we did not get physically intimate then. Also she tried pursuing the masters course from online thus quitting her job. So I started trying to go and settle in abroad meanwhile concentrating on intimacy as well. But in this process she understood that she loves her work more than anything else.Thus she rejoined her job again to another department with which she did not get the job satisfaction In the course of time, i got a job offer abroad to a different country other than the one we targeted. My wife is now blaming me that i was responsible for all the mess that happened inher life. She thinks that i cunningly used her to fullfill my abroad dreams. Also since ours was a arranged marriage , i could not develop any feelings for her as she is very average looking at the beginning and now since she is showing hatred towards me and my parents , unnecessary divorse thoughts are peeping up. Please help
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I see a few gaps in what you have shared which simply means more information is needed from you.
- She refused to go abroad, then she suddenly loved her work more and then started working again and then traveled abroad for it?

You see the gap?
How is that since you both were not physically intimate, she had decided not to pursue her Masters abroad?
What made her suddenly love her work more?
Why does she blame you when as you say that she loves her job but she is not satisfied with it?
What makes her feel that you cunningly used her to move abroad?
Also, what is the reason that she thinks that you are being pampered by your parents?

Once you have answers to these, the problem will emerge more clearly, and that will help in finding a solution to it as well.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
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Answered on Jun 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi i am 36 year's and my partner is 37 we have 2 young kids together. We have been together since almost 9 years. I am hindu and he is muslim we both are not much religious but our families are. We have been having issues continuously from last 4 years as he has been commiting adultery behind my back. He has issues with drinking, gambling girl issues and all this drama has been creating so much anger issues in me. He doesn't care anymore says sorry but again after a while i m faced with the same situation. I hv stopped talking to my inlaws as well coz they blamed me for all his short comings. I just staying in this for my kids, and also as i am not married to him legally i am scared about my kids future. What should i do pls help n guide me?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It looks like a very unstable environment to be in whether it's for your kids or you.
- Do you want to be in this relationship or not?
- If you continue, what are the compromises that you are willing to endure? How will this impact the children?
- If you step out, how will you care for your children and their future?
- Are you financially independent OR do you depend on your partner's income?

These questions will have clarity when you consult with a lawyer who specializes in separation related cases. He/she will be able to guide you with your financial security, what is possible and what is not and this will help you make any decision; especially given the case that the marriage has not been legalized as yet.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
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Answered on Jun 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 20, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I got married to my husband six months ago. I come from a liberal family. We dated for five months before getting married, during which he often got jealous of my male friends, leading to petty arguments. After marriage, everything was fine for the first two months, but then he began doubting my character, accusing me of infidelity, and verbally abusing my family and upbringing. During a particularly bad fight, he grabbed me by the throat. I shouted at him and pushed him away, and he later apologized, blaming his anger. Despite my efforts to prove his allegations wrong and maintain the marriage, I now feel that he will not change, making it difficult to stay with him in the long run. The ongoing issues at home are affecting my professional life. I want a divorce as I have no feelings left for him, but I fear he will make a big issue out of it and try to persuade me to stay. I feel trapped in this marriage. Please guide me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Physical abuse is a NO NO...he does has his 'anger' issues which might need to be dealt with by a professional. Have the two of you sought professional help? Are you willing to do that? Will your husband also agree to that?
But it also seems apparent that you want 'OUT' of this marriage.
BUT what is not clear to me is: Why the fear that he will persuade you to stay? If you have decided, why would you find it hard to stick to your decision OR there is a part of you that is still unsure.
Then it's better to be sure and for that try going to an expert. At least you know that you left no stone unturned before taking that major decision.
And who knows, if things actually start to get better, it might be wonderful, yeah?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
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Answered on Jun 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I married 1 year ago my wife told me she was forced to do a marriage against her concern and she didn't want the marriage life and wanted to live as strangers, also she refused to take wife responsibilities at home i have waited trusting she would change but she never changed. She is alone daughter to her parents borned after 16 years to their parents and she used to live outside around 17 year for her studies. After marriage whenever her parents come she used to ignore me, also she work in private sector and not share even single rupee to home. However all house hold work i do being boy, also she is not at all interested in intercource as well. After marriage 2 week she stayed in PG stating that my close friend will go to native allow me to spend time with her reast all i will be with you like. I agreed. Later 6 Month she used to give reasons for intercource i got periods, rashes, not feeling good, tiered, no mood, etc this happen till 6 month. After this we had 4 times in 2 month with protection that too just for 1 or 2 min as she mentioned lot of pain, after that she started avoiding, since i was not fulfilled by sex desire i started making extra marital affairs in facebook and turned to whatsapp only text, one fine day she saw all msgs i did with extra marital affair and she took photos of that and went to PG without informing any one. Later both families elder sat and asked she used to show the msgs that i did with extra marital affairs and she wanted seperate now from me. Though i accepted the extra marital affairs only interms of msgs and since you not willing to do sex i choose this way i mentioned. But she dont like to come back now. Her father took 2 month of time that he will change her mind set but i dont think she can. As her mother is also not good women, suporting her daughter and making such big issues and she also not interested in this marriage itself.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Sometimes people are just not ready for marriage and here your wife certainly came along with a huge baggage of unresolved issues behind her.
Marriage requires both partners to be responsible not just towards one another but take an active interest in their roles. This calls for maturity from both partners here.
Now, this was never a possibility with your spouse as she felt the marriage was a forced one. That is enough to destroy any chances of the marriage falling in place. You are also in a soup now that she has found her 'proof' that gives her a ticket out of this marriage.
The question here is: Do you want this marriage? If YES, then you will have to start down the part of proving your innocence and what led to what and how and when...If NO, then since your spouse has found her ticket to freedom, the only thing you might have to do is clearly state and not explain anything as to how things went downhill right from the beginning. Her parents may believe you or not, but that's what your decision needs. They may try to malign you in the family, just stick to your version of what happened and move on.
So, you are at that point where you need to make a decision. What is it going to be?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
(more)

Answered on Jun 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I got married to the person who was behind me for years. I always considered him as my friend and supporter even after knowing his intention. My mom kept advising me we should go behind that person who cares and loves us. I obeyed her. Soon after things went into proposal mode his family started demanding for dowry and other stuffs. My friend was not from a well fed family which I was not aware. They lied to is they are very rich, hence they need what the demanded since the marriage news was widw spread wit no options we arranged and gave. My friend and his mother brain washed and convinced us to agree for this marriage. Even since I got married my husband and his mother is ruling on me and family. It was late when we got to know that they have been lying to is on their assets. Now when we ask them they deny and keep harassing me. My family got fed up of these fights started maitaining distance and since I Don want to trouble my divorced mother I stop complaining about the issues I am facing. My in-laws demand increases day by day. My mother-in-law is a mother of two kids a son and a daughter but everytime she tortures me and her son is quiet most of the time. When responsibility comes she supports her daughter and makes us to take responsibility which is not fair. Responsibiloty is parallel and must be shared. I am not well, my husband doesn't even give me money or take me to doctor. I am been told marriage means providing food and shelter. Please advise me what shud I do I am fed up
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Basically you have been cheated; period!
What do you with even a basic thing like being cheated at a shop? Do you actually keep the product OR return it?
Yes, relationships are not like that BUT do understand that your marriage has been nothing but a transaction with mean minded people out to destroy you and your peace of mind.
There are no children in the equation so far...so do know you are free to take a decision. Today, it's harassment and giving you no money, tomorrow who knows what else!
Do you not see that they have begun to make you depend on them for the basic things? This is how it all begins before it gets into other shades of harassment which I do not want to speculate.
Put yourself first; be selfish and think about what to do next to actually live a peaceful and carefree life like the way it was before marriage.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
(more)

Answered on Jun 03, 2024

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Relationship
Hi gurus I m 38 yrs old nd married for last 6 years. I have one kid. My wife is little poised to toxic and she has a fight with her mom for nearly before 6 months and have not spoken a word also. Her mother is more rigid than her as she never bothered to give a call though she came to know recently that my wife is pregnant. Now comes the main picture - as I m neutral in nature. I tried calling her twice and my wife herself said don't loose your esteem by calling her often as every one in her family knows that she is moore adamant. Now comes the twist now my wife is asking me after 2-3 months that i should stop speaking to my parents and asking me to don't pick the calls from my parents and I too should not talk to them as in some reasons we are also involved in their fight between her nd her mother which is actually not the cent percent reason . Now please tell me what should I do as she checks for the mobile whether i had spoken to my parents or not. Please advise .. i m loosing peace and not able to concentrate at work . Thanks Ravi
Ans: Dear Ravi,
I wonder what is the point of all this ego tussle? Surely your wife needs to grow up in terms of managing relationships.
Now, if she has decided not to talk to her mother, that is between them and hey, you tried to patch things up as well.
What and how you interact with your parents is solely your business; it would have been nice to have your wife's presence in the same BUT the day she puts aside her ego (this needs some checking as to the root cause of why the wall is up), that day things will change.
I assume that you want to continue interacting with your parents; in that case state that to your wife that that is exactly what you wish to do. Be prepared for a backlash from her; she may ignore you or be angry or tell you that you are causing her stress when she is pregnant. This is to let you go on a guilt trip all by yourself with no chance of getting off the rails. DO NOT be guilty for speaking with your parents and instead offer more love and support to your wife.
The focus has been on what not to do to break relationships rather than what must be done to improve relationships. This may also improve the bond between you and your wife which is so needed when she is going to be a mother.
Impress the fact that the unborn child also picks off emotions and that to have a better space of mind will aid the child's growth.

Being surrounded by people who love and care will also ensure a good pregnancy. This could also be a point to make your wife understand that all battles need not be fought and a few can just be at rest so that they can resolve itself.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
(more)

Answered on Jun 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 31, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
My wife stopped sleeping with me from April 24 She fears sexual intimacy with me. I'm 77,she is 74.Apart from this she is very sincere in serving me. I earned enough wealth from my Professor job in 50 years. I distributed my assets equally among me, wife and son Main issue is i want to live with her in our bed room in this old age with love, hugs and kisses I feel very sad and upset to live a life, "What can't be cured, must be endured "
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What are you enduring?
Be happy with the companionship; most people yearn for that later in life. If your intimate cycle loops don't match, is that something that you want to focus on or the fact that you and your wife are together, are healthy and life in general is good?
What do you choose to focus on? What's going on good for you OR what you don't have?
That way when you focus on what you have, you will not be enduring anything but actually enjoying life for what it is...Seriously, just be happy with your life, bring sex as a casual topic with your wife and if she is not aligned on it, kindly let it go for your own peace of mind.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
(more)

Answered on May 30, 2024

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Relationship
Hi, i m 45 yrs old female, not married, but have responsibility of 4 children, 2 sons of brother and daughter and son of sister. My sister succumbed to cancer 3 yrs before, her husband, mentally unfit not capable of earning, so my sister children age 17 Yr girl, and 11 yr son stays with me, Brother not supporting any way, his wife left him 6 months ago, All four children are between 10 to 17 yrs, I and my mother look after them, My only source of income is coaching classes, Plz tell how to handle such situation and have extra source of income for children education. Do you have any solution...
Ans: Dear Alka,
Kindly call your brother...let him do what needs to be done for his children...you can oversee and support him but the main parenting has to be his responsibility. Even his wife has to be party to all of this...who ever asked you to jump into this?
The more you are willing to take on, the more people will love to pile on you. I understand this in your sister's case as there is no one to care for the children...your brother and his family are simply taking advantage of your kindness.

Talk to him and tell him this cannot go on...if you really want to care for your brother's children, support them with a lot of love and affection BUT the main responsibility of taking care of their every need lies with your brother and his wife...This will enable you to have some disposable income which will start securing your life as well.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
(more)

Answered on May 30, 2024

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Relationship
I am a 37 year old working woman have two kids aged 9 and 5. I am married for 12 years. My husband does not show any interest in house chores and whenever I ask him he will say, hire a maid for everything. I have raised my two kids on my own. We work into IT industry, husband completely works from home. I go to office once or twice month. During Corona, work from home became really stressful. I quit my job thinking that I will focus on kids and house, but that did not make any difference, he started humiliating me for not working. I started considering divorce and looked for a job, soon I got in. At times I feel, that I am too much organised, that's why I am frustrated and stressed out all day long. I mostly have tight timelines, which can't be missed. At times I am too much frustrated and leave home to office so that I can work peacefully there but that's again too tiring. Maids come and leave in hurry cause no one is there to watch them out when I am in office. When I get back home I see that food is kept as it is and kids are hungry because father did not serve them. House also becomes a complete mess with toys, clothes,books lying all around, after coming home I should throw away all food, make the house tidy again and plan for the next day, where as he has complete leisure life, he will get up in the morning, his tea will be ready he will straight go to play badminton, comes back when his meeting is started. His breakfast goes directly to his table. He comes out for his lunch and straight goes to bed for afternoon nap. Again he wakes up for evening meetings. After finishing all this he will go to play tennis. Comes back home for dinner, work a little on his laptop and goes out with friends for a walk, comes back late at night when all are asleep. Seeing this routine I become frustrated now I am planning to move out, Needless to say, we stay in separate rooms, his room is a complete mess all the time
Ans: Dear Pragya,
Congratulations! You have been successful in making a hotel at your home with a perfect and permanent occupant; your husband...
When everything is taken care of right from kids to the food to the cleaning and the organizing and oh, accommodating his game schedules, why would he move a limb? And because he never took interest in caring for the household, you have started to overcompensate and extend your professional skills of organizing and executing back at home. Which spouse would not want that?
You may feel frustrated and drop everything now, BUT there's possibly a way out of this...I say this only because there are children involved in this entire equation and it isn't great for them to live in separate homes. Take a stand; do your part of the work...hire a nanny who can care for the children including their meal times. If this is not possible, call in a female family member to help out for a few weeks. Use those few weeks to pass a strong message to him which is: KEEP YOUR END OF THE DEAL..
No serving him like he is the master...let him walk to the kitchen and take his food or make his juice of whatever.
Initially, there will be a lot of complaints; he will also send you on a guilt trip where you might start to feel bad for his plight. DO NOT RELENT...
Do we not raise children to be respectful humans and respectful citizens? You are doing just that with your husband...he sadly didn't make this transition when he was younger, so you are dealing with it now...Do this as the first step; who knows things might improve and your kids will have a stable home.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
(more)

Answered on May 29, 2024

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