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Anu

Anu Krishna

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach 

821 Answers | 114 Followers

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Answered on Apr 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 24, 2024Hindi
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I am single mother of 12 year old boy and got divorced last year after 7 years of living seperate from my ex husband, I got married in 2010 through matrimonial site and had very toxic and abusive relationship, so I came to my maternal home in 2016 completely. There were many occasions when he approached me and promised to behave properly but failed to do so . He only filed for divorce by making false accusations of being characterless. I gave him divorce and in return I got very less alimony or the amount which was given in cash to them in my marriage. Now I came to know that he remarried and living his life . He is still in contact with my son and sometimes he blame me and my parents for this divorce. My first question is that is he trying to manipulate my son ( he is not bearing any education expenses of my son) And when I ask my son if I can also move on in my life, he refuses and says I don't want to share you with anyone. So I am very confused.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your first question is something that you have already answered yourself. Since you said that you got very less in alimony, obviously it suggests that the terms of separation of assets and monetary compensation and support for you and the child was not drawn up by your lawyer. (if you had a lawyer or was it a mutual consent divorce?) I am unaware if things can be changed through legal means demanding more compensation now; you can check with a legal expert.
But I don't understand the manipulation part. What does he do to manipulate your son?

Secondly when your son says that he does not want to share you with anyone, he is just confused and scared. He has lost his father in this divorce and does not want to lose you as well. At 12, they go through a lot of hormonal changes and it can be a confusing time. Also it is possible that he has not yet processed this separation. Sit him down and explain what has just happened. He needs to first feel safe before he is in a place of accepting another person as a part of your life and his. Address all his concerns gently and provide him with all the reassurance that he seeks to feel stable and safe. On your part, are you looking for a partner only because your ex-husband has moved on? Something to ponder over...

All the best!
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Answered on Apr 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 10, 2024Hindi
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Hi, i am 34 yrs old married for the last 4 yrs. I married a man knowing he is alcoholic. I had told him that I am not someone who is very fond of sex and I am very scared to have sex as I feel it's painful for which he was okay thinking I would change after marriage. Both of us din want to have kids. It's been 4 yrs I have not had sex Nor has he ever forced me to. Tat way he respects me is what I believe, the reason initially I used to deny was he used to drink and come home , just few days after being wed he came drunk abused me physically and verbally. Things escalated during lockdown he is mentally, verbally abusive , emotionally not available. He has a problem with everyone around him, I have told him multiple times that we could go for counseling, he says okay at times and later abuses me for suggesting it. I have always been there for him, supported mentally , emotionally and financially. But I get nothing in return. I used to feel it's all coz of me not having sex but will having sex just solve all this? It's not like I have not gone to meet psychiatrists I have and they advised me few things and I have also told my husband that let's have sex but he tells some reason. Also, we do get physical make out and everything except for sex. He says when he is in a good mood that it's not about sex. He has had this abusive behaviour right from day one. Why is sex given so much importance ? much more than basic care and affection? M I at fault here? Please help me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Let's put it all in one form...
1. You married a man who has a drinking problem
2. You feel sex is painful and believe that it is
3. You wonder if having sex can solve all your problems
4. You want to know if basic care and affection can override sex
Who is at fault must not be your question but rather ask what can be done here to rebuild the marriage?
Firstly, if you husband has a drinking issue, why has this not been treated? Instead the focus is on sex and no sex...
Sure, sex is a part of any marriage and it certainly can help couples bond together in a better way. But is it the only thing to save a marriage? NO!
But it's possible that sex may help your husband communicate better with you at an emotional level as well. You see, physical and emotional bonding go hand in hand. And wherever you got the idea that sex is painful needs to worked upon. Honestly, you are missing out on a beautiful element within marriage.
Kindly seek professional help for yourself on this, your husband for his drinking issue and it will help going for couples therapy. Do what needs to be done to put your marriage back together. Long journey, if you feel this can actually help and that you want that help...

All the best!
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Answered on Apr 24, 2024

Answered on Apr 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 21, 2024Hindi
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Answered on Apr 23, 2024

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After working in USA for 8!yrs,purchased villa,car there,greencard cleared 2nd stage,I came to India in 2008 to get married and go back to USA. I was working in trivandrum as a IT professional and company which had partnership with company in USA, gave me time to get married and afterwards had plans to send me to USA , transfer to my parent company and process my greencard for 3rd stage. Through a marriage broker from my native place davanagere, I was married to a woman from gulbarga.her health was not good from day one and her parents going thru divorce. Her father instead of giving divorce to her mother,locked her in a compound in gulbarga with dogs and did not allow her to go out of compound for years and she passed away in 2013.even though a daughter born to my wife,me, daughter has heart surgery in 2011 and doctors suggested a surgery for wife. After wife's mother passed away in 2013,her father kidnapped my daughter,wife and did not allow them to come back and also had a ex parte divorce filed from my wife. I have been receiving news that my daughter was attacked in gulbarga compound in 2020 and passed away.but it could not be confirmed. My 35+ visits to gulbarga did not yield a visitation to my daughter. My lawyers in Bangalore, gulbarga suggested me to find a new woman and get married since 2020. Even though while I worked in Honeywell since 2016, I found a good woman, relationship could not be pursued. However since 06/2018,I am free to pursue a woman and get into relationship/marriage. I am staying alone since 6+ yrs in Bangalore,I have no wife/girlfriend living with me. I also do not have any kids living with me. It will take some time to find a woman and get married (my father,uncle passed away in last 3 yrs and my mother is in late 70s and no one helping me to get married). 2 weeks back I was invited to attend a jewellery shop inauguration at Kadapa AP which was attended by Telugu actress Sreeleela. She also performed a dance which I am very impressed. I saw her several videos and daily watch her many songs.She is in the right age, very rich and if she gets into relationship with me,it will solve all my problems and I will also support her in her career ie acting plus doctors job and it will be a win-win scenario. I do not have her direct contact info nor there is a coordinator who will coordinate between us.pleqse advise further on how to proceed further
Ans: Dear Guru,
I am truly sorry to hear of the hardships that you have faced.
Instead of living in a dream world, why not instead focus on going the usual route of finding someone who is like-minded and shares the same value systems as you?
And what is this statement that if you marry this actress, all your problems will be solved? Does she want to solve your problems or do you think she is waiting to marry you and solve your problems? Please step out of this dream world, get real!

I suggest that you rebuild your life sensibly and eventually if the right person also is interested in you (if she's a celebrity, then Congratulations), then move on with life by chalking out the path realistically. The person you look for must also align with your life's goals and your values...focus on this...

And sorry if this is going to sound rude to you: This platform is not for people to request Gurus to find out numbers of celebrities or their managers BUT for people to reach out to Gurus who can guide them with their life's challenges.

All the best!
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Answered on Apr 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 20, 2024Hindi
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Hi mam, I am 40 yrs old. I was divorced 10 yrs ago and since then I never married again. I have been changing my jobs very often and my mind is not Steady. I am not happy at my job and I feel it's my mindset as I frequently get angry, hyper and make rash decisions. I have zero savings and don't own any assets. But all my friends, relatives and colleagues are well settled and enjoying their life at this age.. this is depressing me and I don't know how to over come this ? In the past 3 years I have fallen in love with one of my far relative and both us love each other very truly. She understands me like no other and knows everything and aspect of my life. She is 15 yrs younger to me but she doesn't care about it and wishes to marry me. I feel actually lucky to be loved by her that much. The main problem is that we recently got to know that she becomes my daughter ( cousin brother's daughter ) if we see the family tree side relationship. Though she is not blood brother's daughter but she is some one in the relative side. Both of us discussed about this but both of us love each other so truly that we don't wish to let go each other and marry. Please suggest.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Are you writing to me to know how to handle the anger issues or whether you must marry this person you have mentioned about?
Anger and impulsiveness stems from the way you have conditioned yourself to handle situations. There is enough and more content on prominent websites that guide you through this whereby you teach yourself to calm down and act in a well-thought out manner.
On the topic of this lady who happens to be a distant relative, you do need to understand the impact this will have medically on children should you decide to have children later...if you have discussed all this in detail and you two know that the marriage can help you grow and evolve, well...you know what to do.

All the best!
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Answered on Apr 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 20, 2024Hindi
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Dear Sir - This is a very peculiar situation I am in. The food cooked at my house is on a very large scale. A major portion of it goes into the garbage bin. Looking at it my mind goes for a toss but other members dont even feel ant-pinched. By others I mean my wife, and her both parents. This happens only when my mother-in-law visits my house. She immediately takes control of the kitchen and the cooks employed by us. She makes them cook large portions of meal which is almost twice the quantity for a small family like ours. She leaves very little room for feedback from any corner - wife, cook or myself. When my wife was away, I tried to give her a feedback to reduce the portions or cook in accordance with the mood to eat. She had completely taken the feedback against her favor. I could also sense an elephant sized ego taken over. She had taken it too personally and complained against me to my wife. Many times I feel the food lacks variety. It is understandable that they come from a region where they developed liking to certain style of cooking. But our lifestyle is different and mostly sedentary, so we developed a kind of cooking that suits us. Again she is against this philosophy. Summer or winter it is just her way. Loads of white rice, loads of dals, loads of pickles. We are sometimes tempted to different flavours (Biryanis, Pizzas etc). This is just once in 2 or 3 months. When we plan to place an order, she sticks to her strategy of cooking large meals as usual. It pains to see the food going into garbage bin. We will cancel the plan. Sometimes even looking at such large portions makes us throw up. Again that is not an option as we try to be respectful. Although our lives are very personal, there are certain occasions when we can't help inviting PPL. Even if it is a matter of 10 or 15 days, it becomes painful to see all the food wasted and PPL are totally unaffected by it.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your home, your rules and if anyone has a problem with it even if its your in-laws, kindly put your foot down.
Of course, also note that at times people from the previous generation have a way of showing love through cooking large quantities of food; but if wastage is the sore point; be firm about it even if it means that it is going to hurt their sentiments. Sooner than later they will realize that it's not about you but what you are comfortable with and the issue will slowly become a non-issue.

All the best!
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Answered on Apr 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 20, 2024Hindi
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I am 39 years old and so is my wife. We have 09 year old daughter and 01 year old son. We both have undergone mental trauma due to family negativity and did'nt get my share of property from my father, not even a penny. And due to this stress, my daughter got skin irritation since birth and my wife got fungal infection near thighs from last few years. We are truly upset, still living in rented accommodation. And due to these circumstances, there is lot of shouting and pain at home. I am in need of PEACE but no respite. Hence, sex become obsolete in my life, my wife never interested in this, we have done only few times in last 05 years, rarely. Please advice, how can there be Peace at home and live a happy life emotionally and physically?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
When life feels like an unfair treatment, the only way to come out of all this is to ACCEPT things for the way they are. I suggest this only because fighting for your rights and property may just become a nice preoccupation for you. Are you interested in hiring a lawyer to fight the case, then do it...
You daughter becoming ill is something that you and wife need to take responsibility for; whatever you are going through, why are your children bearing the brunt? Why are you letting all this reach them for no fault of theirs?
And that is why this preoccupation of yours about money, property has now begun to affect the children; stop before it gets worse...You want PEACE, then free yourself from this money obsession.
Know that the only property that makes your rich is good health and the love of your wife and children. Simply accept this and move on else you will spend most of your time chasing after things that may never find its way to you...Be wise about all this!

All the best!
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Answered on Apr 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 16, 2024Hindi
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Hello Anu Mam, I have a very close friend who s been married for 10 years and with 2 kids one 8 yr old daughter and a one year old son. His wife whom he loved and trusted so much has cheated on him with one of her friend for almost 3 years which he came to know about recently. He could not digest that ..He thought of divorcing her but thinking about his children's future he changed his mind and told her to end all communication with her affair partner .She too agreed . My friend didn't tell about this to anyone except me including her parents whom he respects a lot and hence didn't want to hurt them ...But after 3 months he came to know that his wife is still in contact with her friend using another phone without his knowledge and her affair also has not stopped . This time he said he couldn't tolerate and told this to her parents and told them that he would be filing for divorce. Her parents are begging him not to do so and telling him to give one last chance as they would mend her this time . He told them that even after giving her a chance to mend herself she has cheated him and broken his trust . He says he cannot live with her without trust . So he has decided to move on but his wife and her mother are telling they will have no other choice but to commit suicide if he doesn't forgive his wife. My friend says he is also worried about his children's future without their mother ...At the same time he says he cannot imagine living with his wife again as before after being cheated on twice...He is asking me to advise. I am totally confused . Kindly advice the pros and cons of 1)forgiving her once again and living in a trustless marriage 2)moving on and finding someone more trustworthy . 3) If he decides to marry another person how will this impact his children . Kindly help me to advise my friend suitably ..
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
1) Forgiving is never easy BUT if that's an option, then your friend and his wife will have to put it a lot of work in rebuilding the trust that is lost...which means a lot of putting things in the past and starting fresh, Will your friend be able to do this? This also will mean NOT bringing up what hurt the marriage and to focus on what can rebuild the marriage. Possible?
2) For a new relationship to blossom, one must first find closure from the previous one. Can your friend be able to do this?
3) The new person and the children will need a lot of time bonding with another. Also, your friend's ex-wife (if they divorce) will have her set of insecurities and objections if the new person and the children get closer. Will your friend be willing to take on these challenges?
It's wonderful that your friend has a great sense of support from you; so you can act as his sounding board to bring him back to reality and lead him to practical ways of dealing with it.

All the best!
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Answered on Apr 23, 2024

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Hi sir I want your advice as I don't know what to do and how to handle I am in long distance relationship with a guy who is in navy since 3 years .He told to his parents about our relationship buy they rejected because off intercaste and all usko bhut kuch sunaya aur ba vo use bat bhi nhi kar rhe pichle 4 mahino se usko mumy use bat gak nhi kar rhi aur use ghar vale uske liye ladki bhi search karne lag gye taki shadi karva de khi aur Is bich vo mujhe ab distance bna rha dur ho rha mujhse dhere dhere mer khane par bat kar rha bs aur.bol rha ab Humara koi future nhi hai isliye acha hoga ab hum bag nhi kare but mai uske bina nhi rhe la rhi bhut buri halat ho rhi meri uske bina vo mer khane par bat kar rha kar vo bhut jyada preshna hai samj nhi aya rha kya karo kese thik karu sab
Ans: Dear Shruti,
Kya haasil hoga tumhe itna pareshaan hoke? Jab ladke ne faisla le hi liya hai ki woh apne maa-pitaa ki hi sunega, toh aise ladke se tumne shaadi bhi kar li toh khushi toh door, har chote se chote faisle bhi uske maa-pitaa hi lenge aur tumhe kabhi shaadi mein apne pati ki madad nahin milegi.
Toh agar woh tumhe door karne lagaa hai, toh yeh baat saaf hai ki woh tumhare liye ya tum dodno ke rishte se zyaada apne maa-pitaa ki baat hi sunega. Aise aadmi se sambandh badhaane se accha yahi hai ki tum apni zindagi jiyo apni tareeke joh kisi ke mohtaaj nahin hai...Apna future khud banao...Aur haan, zindagi toh chati hi rehti hai, bhale hi woh shaks tumahri zindagi ka hissa ho ya na ho...

All the best!
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Answered on Apr 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 18, 2024Hindi
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I had a relationship he cheated on me he took my virginity it's 7year relationship. Then I had a second relationship he also cheated me he need only sex . I trusted him that's why I'm okay to do that thing and he gave me promise that he only marry me i trusted his sweet words but he cheated me . Later I heard that he's a playboy. I feel like I'm useless. I truly loved them but their intentions was other stuffs. I'm a person who trust very easily but now I'm not . Will I get a future partner? If he knows my story will he leave me ? I'm not that bad person they cheated me I'm not like that . If I love someone I'll do anything for them .
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Rather than just experimenting with your sexual life this way and attracting men who want just your body, why not focus on your strengths? When you base your self-esteem on how others treat you, you will always find yourself down and out and defeated.
Build character that hold you and your identity in a manner that you become a person that can overcome anything. For that, you need to stop throwing yourself at boys/men.
First discover yourself, build self-esteem that relies on your strengths and then venture into relationships so that heartbreaks are not so heavy but you understand it as part of growing up. Also, before indulging in sex, judge the situation and decide to go ahead only when you know that the person is safe for you and not someone who is using you. A real man will not USE you but will keep you safe and respect you as a woman.

All the best!
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Answered on Apr 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 19, 2024Hindi
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Hi ma'am, something happened between me and my boyfriend as usual fights. His parents misunderstood him and me as well that I've gotten sick due to our fights and that he left me halfway through my house, which he didn't. And due a lot more misunderstandings he's parents have developed bit of a rage against me and they are blackmailing him to not try to Contact or call me or else they'd end their lives and he is scared cause he is an only child. Even if he wishes and tries to reach me he cannot because of his parents. What can be done in this situation. Now i don't understand shall i wait for him to come back or just move on. Since we haven't met or spoken for the last time. I haven't heard anything from him and his parents are saying he doesn't want to talk to anyone.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Do not waste your time...his parents and then him; you will constantly be in a stressful spot convincing either one of them that you are the person. If your boyfriend also feels the same as you about the relationship, then he will do something to support you.
If he doesn't and all that is becoming your job, then seriously do not waste any more time on this. And if he really wanted, he would have found a way of reaching out to you.
The very fact that you haven't heard much from him is a huge red flag. Focus on yourself and better people who respect you and your love will come along...
(My suggestions are only under the assumption that you and your boyfriend are above the age of 18 and 21 respectively).

All the best!
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Answered on Apr 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 19, 2024Hindi
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Hi Anu, I am 47 year old. I have 2 kids one is in adolescent in age and other is 8 y.o. I and my wife are very much comfort and enjoy sex life since inception of our marriage. But, from last 7 years, i am in relation with a beautiful girl, whom i met as a sex worker, when she was 24. Her only source of income is her work (i.e., sex work). She is astonishingly beautiful. I went mad after since the day i met her. thought i could not do sex at first time, i did it in the next time and till now we mated just 7 times. She is epilepsy patient and she is very serious about her family. She has to look after her mother, a younger sister who is studying Law and two of her sister's kids ( her sister died ). She asks me for help whenever she falls short of money. She went to dubai in 2018, and continued her work there. I asked her to leave her job and assured a good income source and a respectful life. She hesitated to concur on my plan. The whole issue is known to my wife. She married an Indian residing in Dubai recently but for her bad luck, he is untraceable from 2 monhts in a war proned country. Now, she asked my help again after 8 months. we both were not in touch in these days. I lent her my helping hand again and expressed if she would have married me, i would have kept her happy. She loves me a lot, but since i am a married man, she does not want to create problem in my married life. I can convince my wife about her, but she (girlfriend) is not ready for it for the fear of my wife. I just can't imagine my life without her. that much i love her. I don't wish to destroy her married life either. If she gets her husband back, i will be happy, but i will be living in her memory forever, as i just cannot expect my life without her. I need your suggestion. whether to come out of her relation or continue if her hubby misses forever.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You do realize the mess that you are creating for yourself, your wife and this lady?
Do you really think it is possible to live in harmony with all these complications and then there's an absconding husband at the other end?
Be sane about the whole thing and focus on what's important to you...Your children need a stable family environment and you do not need to be told how crucial this is for them given their age...And just because your wife isn't complaining that does not mean, you just overlook what all this must be doing to her. Put your life back together and leave some things alone to sort themselves out...

All the best!
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Answered on Apr 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 18, 2024Hindi
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Hi Anu I am a 36 year old IT pro with a beautiful family (wife and 2 kids) 1 year back, i had a coworker (shes married but widowed with 1 kid) with whom i had to work on a project..we shared a good friendship and unfortunately on one occasion, under the influence of alcohol, i went overboard and had a deep sexual chat with her..it was mutual and the next day i really felt bad and apologized to her.she also said it was ok.. After that i avoided her but she kept on giving singals to continue the relationship, i sternly avoided her and pleaded with her in message and call to leave me..during the time of sexual chat, i never knew she was a widow else i wud not have done that..shes now harassing me and stalking me on social media..i really feel bad for what i did to her and am over ridden with guilt..she says lets be friends as she has no one to turn on to.. but i pretend to be as she still has that chat messages and if she raises an ombuds i will be out of the job..but worse of all, i do not want this to destroy my family life. I love my wife and kids and she wont take this easily if i disclose this to her .pls suggest a way out of this..i am really desperate..it was jus a chat and i am a train wreck now..
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
This is a bit messy...It could land you into a lot of trouble and obviously you didn't know that when you were chatting with her, right?
Avoiding her hasn't worked and the best thing possibly now would be to just be polite yet firm where she feels that she is not being snubbed. Also consider taking your wife into confidence as this will eliminate the chance of ruining your peace at home. Come clean and confess to your wife and request her to support you; of course she might give you a earful, listen to all of it.
You have a price to pay for the fun that you had that one time; so take it in your stride and tread carefully...be kind to the woman and be honest with your wife. You can only pray that this can keep you out of trouble.
And the next time you drink, kindly keep your phone away...

All the best!
Asked on - Apr 24, 2024 | Answered on Apr 24, 2024
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Hi Anu, Thanks for your response. Two things here..first I can't tell my wife now as she had lost her mom 5 months back and she's in a recent quarrel with her dad and brother on their family dispute...so breaking this news now will break her mentally..also, I have got a better offer from another company and I am not sure how this woman will take it....as of now she communicates thru office chat and the moment if she knows I got another offer, I am not sure how she will react..I really want to avoid her and I really feel sorry for kindling her feelings without realizing the repercussions...just one chat is running my life and now she's citing all the previous conversations between us and saying all those were used by me to butter her up. Those were not intimate conversations they were just casual conversations which now she feels I was trying to butter her up.. fearing her, I cannot risk my career.. pls suggest..I am.sorry for bothering you..
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Thank you for acknowledging.
The only way to counter the co-worker is to share this secret with your wife. That will give you a fair level playing field with her. This is the only thing that she can use against you so this is the best way to disarm her and then you hope that all will be well.
But if you don't want to, there isn't much that you can do...this co-worker can use the chats to her advantage...
By not taking one way or the other, you seem to be hoping for some sort of a miracle to get you out of this hot pot. But hey, every action has a consequence, right? So, knowing what the consequence is now, do your best to control the damage and hope.

All the best!
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Answered on Apr 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2024Hindi
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Mam i am in relationship for 9 years now..he became my boyfriend when i shifted in my new house he was my neighbour..i was in 10th when i got caught and since then my parents hate my boyfriend , i apologized to my parents then and said to have no contact with my boyfriend but 9 years down the lane ..we are totally connected and living a peaceful healthy relationship..my parents hate my boyfriend and his family to the core..my relationship with ny parents are.mixed someday they will be super nice to me , another day they will abuse me for evn small things..we have ups and down in our relationship but i love them a lott , i want to care of them in their old age..but at this point i want to talk to them about my boyfriend but seeinng that they hate him so much i am literally very very afraid that my parents will hate me to their core knowing about someone i want to marry whoom they hate soo much ..... i don't know how will they react .. i am been through physcial and verbal abuse earlier too but i don't know how much worse it can get this time..for them the girl who marry their parents choice is the best in the world..my boyfriend and i have no caste issue its just the ego issues with my parents they think karrying into that house they will never able to have good enough respect though my mother and his mother talk..but that too my mother bitch a lott about her mother for even nonsensical things..i am 24 now and preparing for government exam ...i am soo much stress knowing i have to choose between my love or my parents.....i think so even if i marry him with their superficail consent they will never be happy woth me..and can even cut contacts with me...i don't know what to do i have no elder in my house to make parents explain...mam plss show me some path
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
No where have you mentioned what your boyfriend does for a living? Could this be the reason that your parents refuse to acknowledge your relationship?
Parents want the best for their children but at times their own beliefs on love marriages etc can come in the way. Since you are an adult, it is time to actually start acting like one. My suggestion is to have a conversation with them and understand the reason for their refusal to accept your boyfriend. If it is one of society and family objection, then you know how to handle it BUT if their concern is more about his character or his job, you both need to make an effort to take away that concern so that they accept all this wholeheartedly.
Find the reason and things will become clearer as to how you must handle the situation.

All the best!
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Answered on Apr 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 10, 2024Hindi
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Dear Anu, Long story please read About the this incident : I am in really a bad situation from last 7 days, My father-in law took, my wife and my children away because, I asked about her attractive behavior (Sexual tentative not sure) , she has shown towards our neighbor. I already directly warned her about his wrong starring twice, year before when we went for 4 families trip. (I have proof from her google account to show she has done wrong searches about him like searching for nickname of boyfriend with his designation etc ...) She is running her own business which is started by her on my encouragement and running ok from 7 years. Suddenly for some work, I called her she is missing from her office for 2.5 hours and no one knows where she went, After 2.5 hours I got a call and when I asked, she said Its a surprise and will tell later. Next day too she said It is secret and will tell later, third day too she said she went out for roaming.(my surprise was, in hot summer day on byke roaming at 10.15 am to 12.15 am ... na naa something is wrong). I started tracking her email by taking her password and notification accepted by her on her mobile. Then I realized the web activity(she was not aware of these things will get stored in google till then), as I said above like gift for boy friend and romantic nick name for someone special who is having xxx designation etc ... always smiling person. Attraction synonyms ... casual sex and serious relationship difference a video etc... All these are only from starting of 3rd March 2024. My Heart was broken, as I am staying in different city and already have plans to go home in few days, I somehow manged 2 days and went home. Next, I was all-over her with big fight. I was blaming her for everything even not feeding kids on time, as I was saying she gets time to spend on chatting or searching etc... I was literally went to nuts, as I warned about him to be careful 2 years ago couple of tiimes. She said she is innocent, she didn't searched all the above I have shown her photos taken from my mobile with her track. she asked how did you know I searched for her, Because of using his designation in search. Finally she agreed she meet him for 15 mints on some professional work, on 16th march and went out after that for another place. But google timelines shows she was at home for entire 2.2 hours. why should she lie for remaining 1.5 hrs if there is nothing wrong happened. why should she say 15 mints only, when she meet him for a profession reason for 2 hours. I am literally not satisfied with her answers. Next day morning my mom returned home, (she don't know anything) from a function in other city which she went 10 days ago. (All these episodes happened next day my mom left home according to search history). Suddenly wife in early hours kept suicide note and left home. I was just sleeping in next room, my mom saw the note and woke me up. Finally we found her on our terrace staircase sleeping there as she takes medication for sleep, she has zero negative artistes. I booked ticket for her dad immediately and asked him to come same day, shown him and explained him all this. That day he is calm and asked what you want to do. I was thinking positive that he tells her not to repeat and stay for a week and go home. He said he wanted his wife to talk to her(my mother-inlaw), I said book ticket for her but unfortunately tickets were not available, seems he is also not interested to book ticket. After next day I intentionally went out by taking my daughter for 3 hours informing, I am going out for 3 hours to him. I thought he will speak to her privately to help her understand. But not sure nothing happened my mother said, he was sitting in living room whole 3 hours and she is in bedroom. Next day she said she is not going for office as I am doubting her behavior.(My in-laws never wanted her to work from start marriage) . But before marriage it self I informed them I am looking for a working wife. As they didn't let her attend job interviews, I am forced to invest in business, my hard earned one year salary with loan and made her owner there. I thought she would be also be happy as owner. She is happily running this for 7 years (of-course no profits and I never insisted too much on profits too as I already closed the loan in 4 years from my salary). Past Episode 1 : 1) when we got arranged married, I was in love with a girl and also deep relationship staying with her for few years too. I just gave her a hint as I took her for my GF marriage reception. (Even I loved her my GF with full heart, due to known reason for both of us, I informed her, I will not marry her before, I stay with her). Once she found a letter from my GF and wrote an email to her husband about out Love afair, I am not sure he took that seriously. 2) My wife also have some love story but, I never asked about that as he didn't want to revel that any time.(its ok before marriage something happen in life), I have an idea about that within short span of marriage, as she was sending messages after 11.30 pm etc. After observing couple of months, warned her twice not do so. one day I was anger and left to office, as I saw her texting again previous night. Evening when, I returned home, she was crying like a baby sitting in living room saying as she had swallowed 10 tablets given to her some reason to attempt suicide. I was shocked and rushed her to hospital and fortunately able to save her. Never discussed about that anytime after that. Episode 2: After around 8 years of smooth life and 2 children, after starting the business one night, I was watching movie in living room and went to bedroom, wife suddenly got surprised and hiding her mobile. I asked her why are you hiding and give me the mobile she didn't, I tried to get the reach of mobile and she didn't let that happen as she hold it strong, I left and came back to other room to sleep. But next morning, she was showing anger on me and vice-versa, I had a quarrel and called up her dad after 3 to 4 days, That time he asked what is the proof she is chatting with someone in night, I don't as I didn't snatched her mobile forcefully. He said she won't do anything like that and asked to be peaceful, after few days thing became normal, as I also don't have proof, I thought it might be mistake my side too. Episode 3 : She started going to a super market everyday at particular time every day. Even though she comes though same road just 1 hour before, she wont stop and get items form there, she used to go after getting ready every day for 15 to 20 days, I observed pattern. Generally she goes with my kids skating to classes in our gated community only and used leave from there. I used to go and meet some friends near that skating classes after a while, but some times she used to be not there, I Observed the pattern she was missing continuously from 15 to 20 days after dropping kids there, I followed by my car and searched didn't found her in the regular place where she tells, after 15 to 20 mints, I was standing there she came to the place, when I asked her she said she went for Vegetables shop near by and shown place and a couple veg's she bought. I was working in reputed software org and earning well. I always think about my wife and children even, I am away from home. For example I go to airport, I buy chocolates for my children, I check, If I can get my wife a good watch deal or buy a bag as she like watches but wont try to spend 200 for a coffee in airport. I go to GOA with friends buy clothes from there, by reducing the bottles, I always show lot of love towards, children and wife as I was working from home past 4 years. Love doesn't mean, I tell her I love you or something, but I always felt pain if she is not well or I never said no, If she asked me take for shopping or somewhere etc. we are always going to movies Of-course its on my interest. never restricted anything for her to spend. Point to note she always spends carefully too. I only encourage her to spend more for to buy anything she wants. This is our present. Taken them to holidays now and then etc ... with all above episodes she says I am doubting her, Am I really? or she is creating the situations? 1) Even after warning not send messages after 11.00 pm in night or asked whom she sent no answer. 2) Episode 2 hiding mobile and giving mobile to me 3) Episode 3 even though she comes in same path every day for a specific time staying in same place 4) Episode 4 Even after warning her about bad starring going for professional her with out discussing and deleting call history of him ( 11 sort calls of 40 to 60 seconds and 2 calls on 4 mints each, in a span of 20 days) and mid night searches etc... am I bad guy? or am I trying to saving my wife from this evil intentions we know in society? What if I would have left her for the them, will my family relation will stay, what would it shows her as? will I become a responsible husband? Now she is trying for a job in her city with parents encouragement and trying to get admission for my daughter in Garde 1, even she has completed Garde 2 this year. Not sure about my son yet. She is spoiling daughter studies. My cute children are not with me now, I came back to my office and staying in PG from yesterday. Not able to concentrate on work or other things, literally crying at times in wash rooms.(even at airport when I saw children of my age went to washroom and cried a lot). what should I do go and beg her for getting angry on her? tell her with whom ever you chat and go I wont bother come home? or leave her and children for their fate? what the use for earning this salary when I cant spend time with my children? everyone says wait for her realize her mistake, If she gets job and takes admission in school will she even consider coming back to me? her mother always controls her father, same her sister in-law with her brother(love marriage). Now my mother and couple of friends(close) say, if I go she will treat you like a slave she will come and do same thing again you cant even ask her. After going home they tried to destroy the evidence I have by formatting mobile by logging into google account and erase device. That is a business mobile she didn't even bothered about customer base of 7 years contacts. Fortunately I could recover contacts. I could also get to know her personal email id that's how I cam to know about her job search and admission search of children. what should I do now? Please advice immediately.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
My suggestion to couples who are at constant loggerheads and on the verge of a marriage breakdown:
- What can you do to put your marriage back together?
- Can you trust one another yet again?
- Are you both willing to set aside your differences and work towards your marriage?

You have given a detailed account of what has happened and one thing seems clear is that there is NO trust left within your marriage. This itself will prevent you from getting back together. Agreed that you have reasons and proof to doubt her, but if you both want the marriage to work, you will have to start fresh.
Also, the fact that she is searching for a job and also admission for the children suggests that she is looking at moving on without you. So, instead of making assumptions on what is happening and hoping for something to happen, it's time to request for a one-on-one chat with your wife. She may decline, but no harm in trying. The chat can bring forth what she has in mind and if she also wants to be in the marriage or move on. Knowing, asking, understanding can help and guide you on the next steps.

No point going around in circles playing this Hide and Seek game as a couple. Sit down, talk it out and take firm decisions. Your marriage will need a lot of trust and love to be rebuilt; are you willing to go through this journey?

All the best!
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Answered on Apr 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 10, 2024Hindi
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I am 57 years Old Male, married 28 years back & having two daughters, elder one is pursuing MD ( Final Year) & younger one started Medical Graduation from Govt College. Wife is in Govt Job. I am going through Mental Torture & harassment from my partner for NOT accepting unrealistic thing/ Practically Non viable which are out of Budgets & may put us in troublesome future for family, as we had to marry our daughters too. Having our own MIG flats & managing somehow. I keep on travelling being Sales Job Profile, but rest 60% ~65% days remains at home after office hours. My partner is so harsh on all of us that she will keep on Scolding for small small things & many times quote that I will not live with you all & will be independent. She don't have proper sense what is right/ wrong, good/bad etc. This attitude hurts to all of us. We tried many time to discuss, but she don't listen at all other's small opinion even & take granted to others for her immature/ even stupid decision, as such so arrogant/abusive all time. We tried to convince her that let us consult some Doctor ( Psychiatric ), but she behave so rudely. My side family members are totally ignored by her & she don't keep any talk with them. Her side are in quite regular meeting/ visiting for social gathering/ function etc., but NON of them wish to involve in sorting out our family problems & blames only me why you criticize her. I am going through many sleepless night as worried for my Kid future since I largely compromised in my carrier to stay with family & support, but Not able to make other understand my scarifies. Please advise how to proceed. Regards
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Firstly, rule out any medial reasons that can affect the body and mind and cause a person to be very different from who they usually they are.
Having said that,
Beyond a point when a person enjoys this kind of drama, my suggestion is: Let them live in that drama as it keeps them busy doing a lot. Also, others get involved either to express anger OR to prove their side of the story. Either case, the drama is full-blown which is obviously the only way your wife has understood to maintain relationships.
Now, simply ignoring is not going to solve the issue BUT over a period of time, it teaches her to start correcting her behavior and rely on grown-up conversations with others.
Do not yield to any rudeness...and as for her threat of living separately, it's just another drama...
Just do what you would when you raise a child who's being rude; you would correct that behavior of the child; wouldn't you? It's the same just that you act that her harshness does not bother you at all. Be patient and wait this out...

All the best!
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Answered on Apr 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 13, 2024Hindi
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In my marriage since the very inception my wife was and is still "sexually immature". I wonder if i am able to make you understand the situation. For the first nine years of marriage she simply resisted/avoided insertion, and finally after compelling her for counselling, etc. she gave in one day, so to say, which led to intercourse on a few occasions and she conceived. Almost 30 years down the line she was simply not interested in intercourse which has become extremely frustrating for me having a great libido. So i have become a man with a roving eye and perennially seek companionship/love/sex with the opposite sex. I wonder if i should feel guilty about it (however i don't feel guilty). As i am kind of personable and engage easily even at the ripe old age of 66, i continue to have a number of girl- friends (married/unmarried). In other words i flirt quite a bit, its become second nature to me. Girls in general take a liking to me too. Not that i am not friendly with my wife. We have a very loving relationship on a level which is not at all sexual. She keeps home very well and takes full care of me other than the sexual aspect. In other words sex is completely out of our relationship. You might not be seeing cases like this often. So i am always kind of sexually alive when i am out of the house. Now if you were to advise me to repair our relationship, take steps etc, i think we have kind of passed that stage primarily because she is peculiarly missing in the vital sex vibrations. I wonder if you understand me. I would like to have your views on all that i have explained. Shall be grateful to have some insights.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
This isn't uncommon when sexual compatibility between couples is totally out of sync. Sometimes it's hard conditioning from childhood or some unpleasant experience or a medical reason that makes one not want sex at all.

When something is put of sync in a core relationship, you don't push the agenda that is actually causing discomfort but in fact deflect and shift focus onto things that actually help bond the two of you together.
When you look at what's not there, it's only going to look bigger and soon it consumes the mind completely and tricks you into believing that everything is wrong; which has possibly what has happened within your marriage. Agreed that your wife did not give sexual intimacy a lot of importance, but maybe something else might have been and is important to her. Maybe connecting at an emotional level, connecting through deep conversations, spending time together with activities...maybe these are something that help her connect better with you...

At whatever age, trying to fill a void through associations outside of marriage can only bring in momentary pleasure...what after that? Someone else and then again someone else...the cycle goes on and on with little inner joy to yourself.
If you feel that you have passed that stage (as mentioned by you) and also you seem to think it's only because your wife is not inclined towards sex, then this is how it will be!
If you wish for any change, then think different and ask yourself:
- what is it that I can do to actually gain her confidence in me?
- how do i shift focus from sexual intimacy to emotional intimacy?

If this is too hard to do, then your present ways of living might be the only way that you know and rely upon...But, there will never be the inner fulfillment that you are looking at. There's still hope; try and put things back in your marriage...you will thank yourself for it.

All the best!
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Answered on Apr 12, 2024

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Hi Ma'am, I am 66 years old my wife has expired since 11 months and i am in affair with my brother sister in law who is divorce and by age 55 years in services .I have two audit children's well settled married and living separately . they have their kids and enjoying their life . I feel alone and could not pass time on holiday . During my working days services it is ok in office . we use to meeting on holiday . she is staying with his younger brother . even she want to have happy relation with me . How can i convene my children's and her family member . kindly advise .
Ans: Dear Ashok,
I am truly sorry for your loss...
Find courage to sit with your children and tell them about it. Do expect that there is a possibility of rejection from them as they have never seen you with any other lady other than their mother. So the initial rejection and mockery is a possibility. It will be the same at her end as well. The family members will cite age, society etc as a reason as to why this relationship/alliance is wrong.
Both of you must be patient through all of this and give it some time. Your children and her family members may still after all this still be uncomfortable and not accept this, be prepared and do what you must. It's your lives, isn't it?
But do keep a positive outlook and expect things to go in your favor as sooner than later, people will see the intent behind all this is the need for companionship. Also, on your part, do ensure your children that no one can replace their mother; though they are adults, they will still need this reassuring...Take it one step at a time...

All the best!
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Answered on Apr 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 19, 2024Hindi
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Child counselling - psychological and career guidance Background:- My son is soon going to enter his teen age in couple of months. I’m a widow with no assistance from both sides of the family. My sons been in boarding all along however last year I brought him back, took a career backseat Working from home, dedicating all my time todays him. Off late bad company at school is influencing him and has resulted into major issues pertaining to behaviour and disrespect towards teachers, other parents and me. He doesn’t feel guilty or acknowledge the fact that he needs to stop being a bully and be the sane kind caring child he use to be. Tried someone free counselling it back fired. Education grades are dropping and he’s got no inclination towards academics. He’s interested in things that can’t earn him a career option. He was in Igcse board and has to move him to cbse so struggling with school, curriculum, new area new friends and isn’t understanding the impact of his actions. Very concerned for his future cause everything I earn was and is invested in his boarding and schooling and I’ve not saved enough for the future. What to do next? He’s been identified with Attention deficiency when he was 8yrs just before lockdown but we didn’t pursue any treatment. My frustration too comes out on him and gets the worst of me but that’s pushed him even further away from me. He’s interested are physical and not Education inclined my friends suggest remove him from these expensive schools( paying 3.5lac minimum every year) and put him in a local school and just save for my future. I can’t be so selfish. I had put him in best school and selected subjects like French so that if he goes abroad a foreign language can help and he anyways struggles to even pass in Hindi and local languages so selected a school too so that his board exams eventually he will have to write only English and French exams that can help him score. After sacrificing my time health career and money I feel in these 6 months everything is going downhill my anxiety and stress has gone out of control. His friends are being a terrible influence and it’s scary cause I’ve had some major complaints from teachers and other parents. What do I do? I can’t give up I have faith and only hope it’s just a phase I’m still loving caring and trying to talk with him and understand where can we mend things before it’s late and hoping for some guidance
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It is a difficult phase that you are going through...
It will be worth pulling him out of the school for a while...it's not just to save money but also to focus on his therapy that he surely needs to get into. Also, during his therapy, you will know where his interest lie...Do remember, we are all unique...some of us take up professions that may not give us immediate money but it trickles in later or maybe it comes in the form of satisfaction rather than money.
You are attempting to secure his future and you are right as a single mom to do that because you want your son to be in a stable place which you did not experience. But his path in life is his to follow...any attempt to control it will cause the two of you a lot of emotional upheavals.
Kindly get him assessed again as you did mention Attention Deficiency...that will allow for appropriate corrective measures right away which will channelize his energies in the right direction. Otherwise both you and he will be on a roller coaster ride that never stops and this will lead to more stress and strain. Pause for a moment and put his health as a priority even if it means taking a break from school for a while. The sooner his emotions find a useful path, he will shine in what he is meant to...Take a deep breath...you are doing a great job!

All the best!
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Answered on Apr 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 09, 2024Hindi
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Hello madam, i m 32 year married women, my husband love more than anything, he is good in everything, he take care of me, he bring me whatever i want, he is very good in bed. But i dont love him. Before marriage i had boyfriend, he never accepted me and assured he will marry me, so i decided to marry my husband in 2019. Till oct 2022 i had communication with my ex boyfriend, but when he got married he stopped calling me and i also stoped thinking about him. Lately i meet guy in my office he is 23, music teacher, not so good looking, not completed graduation, not financial strong but i developed feeling for him. I lied to him about my marriage, to get close to him. Once my husband caught me doing wrong, told me to not do. But still i want to continue and want to live with this guy. I want to divorce and live with young guy. I am doing correct or not please suggest.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
The fact that you are asking me whether it is correct or not shows that you are absolutely questioning yourself...
You yourself said that your husband loves you more than anything...then what makes you go around in circles searching for love and attention outside? Obviously you are unable to appreciate what you have...when you can't see that you have a stable life, all you think of doing is thinking of the boyfriend who did not accept you and the young boy who all of 23 is immature and financially unstable with who you want to live with!
Are things described in a nutshell now? You are free to make your choices but also know that you will have to bear the consequences.
At 23,
What sort of a life ahead he visualized for himself?
Does it include you?
What is the guarantee that he will not meet younger women later on?
And if you wish to start a family considering that he is already 23, does he have the capability to support you and the baby?
- Have you considered all of this?
Kindly step up for yourself and start thinking rather than running around in a scattered way looking for someone else to make you happy...

All the best!
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Answered on Apr 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 08, 2024Hindi
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My wife got posted in distant place 10 years back. I had to ask for help from my inlaws as our child was very young. They started to live with her. After 1 year she got transferred back to the place where I was living. She got a flat from the company and we started to live together. Since then my inlaws are also staying with us. They purchased another flat nearby but are not willing to move there. Now, the problem is that whenever me and my wife have a quarrel she just stops talking and starts to take decisions in consultation with my inlaws. I am completely out of the loop in these circumstances. Over the years my relationship with inlaws has gone sour and quarrels with wife have been lasting longer (upto 2 months). My inlaws are otherwise well behaved but their presence somehow is hindering the process of natural reconciliation between me and my spouse or I am perceiving the situation incorrectly. Please guide
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What you all have done is jumped impulsively into one situation, made it comfortable asking people to help and then jumped back into the original situation and not knowing how to ask the same people to stay away!
Your wife has to grow out of her parents being around and you have to understand that your in-laws have got used to stepping in while you were away.
It's about time that you and your wife had a mature conversation on how to manage your family yourselves and be responsible for raising your child. But do remember to deal with your in-laws carefully. After all, they gracefully kept their lives on hold to help your wife and your child. Without hurting their sentiments, you are going to have to convey to them that you are thankful for what they have done for you BUT now you would like to be there for your family. Initially, this will hurt them and your wife, but anymore of this game will pull you and wife away from one another. So, they do need to move out...
You are not cutting strings but simply loosening the grip it currently has which is unhealthy for your marriage. Hope that your wife also understands this which means she will put you to test and in her mind or vocally compare what you bring to the table and how her parents supported her. Bear with it and as the two of you work together in putting the family back together, she will eventually understand that this is for the best.

All the best!
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Answered on Apr 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 06, 2024Hindi
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hii im 18 yrs old ..my parents found out about my bf.. actually they have caught me 5 to 6 times and always told me to leave him.. and i used to leave him but after sometime we again get reunited .. my parents have snatched my phone and telling me whether to choose them or my bf.. they are telling me to live in their house according to them otherwise i should leave their house.. i love both of them so much i got my bf after lot of struggles and fights .. i dont know what should i do..my bf is also from another religion and now my parents are telling me that they will not let me study further and will take me to my hometown forever and will get me married their with someone else
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
At 18 when you are still emotionally immature and financially not yet stable, what else do you expect your parents to do?
They are doing what they think is the right thing for you to keep you safe. My suggestion would be to focus on what must matter to you most at this age; your studies...put down your goals and stick to them...
As cruel as it may seem to you that the whole world is against your association with the boy, remember that you have a life ahead of you that will give you the necessary space for such a relationship...so work towards yourself first, so that when you actually get into a relationship, you know that it is right for you!
Right now, you know that your parents may very well pull you out from studies and there goes your dreams of a better future...So, please stop being foolish and step up for yourself and do what's right for you!

All the best!
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Answered on Apr 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 21, 2024Hindi
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Good Day Hi its been around 10 years of Marriage . I do have a Son who is 5 years old and is slightly facing Autism issues we have consulted a Specialist for the same who has generally suggested a few therapies to follow which we are currently following. My Wife is some what upset since her belief was that this issue is related genetic and one of my sibling already had such abnormalities in their kid so that's the reason our kid is facing this. and she really regrets this marriage. Whenever there is any arguments at home she always keeps on repeatedly saying that she regrets this marriage since this problem within the child has arisen because of some genetic imbalance within my family . Also since my kid was born she always preferred to sleep separately, rather there has been no physical intimation since last 6 months when came to know abt my kids problem. Is it really advisable that if she is not happy with me rather part away so that she could stay happy with somebody else since i personally feel i myself i am responsible to be the unlucky one and the root cause of all the problems. So would happy to get some suggestion from your end.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
So what does a parent do when one of their children has a challenge either physically or mentally?
Blame the other parent? Wash their hands off the responsibility?
Whatever it is, nothing justifies what your wife here is up to...what I can gather is that she feels a certain fear managing this situation.
Yes, your son may require more time and attention from both you and your wife in certain areas of life, but with this care and support, he will slowly get to a place where he can manage all by himself...
Now, if your wife has decided to play this blame game and isolate herself from you as a way of punishing you for genetics! Kindly take this to a mutual friend who can be unbiased and then teach the two of you to get back together for the sake of your son...

You must know that your guilt trip isn't helping you or your son...
Your wife must know that her blame game is driving her away from the marriage and her son...

Work towards a goal rather than against it!

All the best!
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Answered on Apr 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 19, 2024Hindi
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Hello Gurus, I am in trouble. I was living in Canada from last 10 years till last year when I had to come back to India - my father was not well. My father passed away in November last year - but my mother is alone and is not in best health. My wife feels that I have cheated her by getting her back from Canada and she wants to go back immediately. She feels that my elder brother (who is in Australia) should take care of my mother. Our relationship has soured over last few months as she is always using brutal language for my mother and for my brother - in fact, it has always been the case - but so far I was just ignoring her. But now every time she says something nasty, I strongly retaliate back. On top of it, my wife is pregnant too. I am in trouble - I don't know what to do - whether to go back to US and leave my mother alone or with my brother - or to stay back and fight with pregnant wife :(
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Well, your wife has not been able to adapt to the new situation that has out her in the midst of a lot of responsibilities. Very few of us can just jump and take charge and certainly your wife is not pleased with the relocation and the having to care for your mother...that is why she suggests that your brother care for her instead.
She is obviously not ready for this new phase of life and to be fair to her, relocations are not easy especially if has been working in Canada and also had a good social network...leaving all this behind can cause a lot of anguish...Kindly sort this issue before it blows up and lands on your marriage and creates more havoc.
Also, I do see a lot of people actually staying abroad and being able to care for their aged parents; you and your brother can iron out these details where the two of you can share this responsibility so that it does not just land on you. You can always work in Canada and have your mother over for a few months...
A lot of options that will need a lot of deliberation...rather than let the situation consume you, try to be in charge of it...start by mending the communication with your wife for starters...you both need to function as one unit whenever there is a challenge...isn't marriage all about this?

All the best!
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Answered on Apr 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 04, 2024Hindi
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My spouse has a very strange ailment..whenever he sees any new female he wants to have relation with her and if he manages then he continues for a yr or at the most half and then finds a new and forgets the old. He says he is not able to give up his this addiction and it's beyond his control. Does such ailment really exists. I feel he is a womeniser. We are separated for last 5 yrs as not able to accept such character. He cooperated to go for councelling n had several visual psychological tests done also. But suddenly he refused to follow up. Pls help as is he really suffering? How do I treat him???
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am not a medical expert here but I am sure there is no ailment that gives way to chronic female enchantment.
It's a nice habit and he is happily indulging in it leading to a compulsive act now. What does he mean when he says that he is not able to give up this addiction? Then let him know that he needs to go to a doctor who specializes in this kind of de-addiction programs.
Since you have both separated, is there a possibility of the two of you getting back together and that is why you are interested in curing this addiction? If YES, get back together ONLY if he shows positive signs of improvement after seeking professional help on this...if not, please do not yield; you will then have to deal with the same habit and yet again go through the same cycle of insecurity and disappointments. Evaluate all this carefully and then decide what to do...
If he wants to get treated, why did he stop with the counseling? It seems like he 'likes' what he is doing...obviously it gives him some kick...Be wise getting involved in this all over again!

All the best!
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Answered on Apr 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 30, 2024Hindi
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Mam,Namaskar Iam now 64 practicing as an advocate in civil court after getting retired from bank service. My wife though initially was not reluctant to allow me to get into the legal profession but recently she bears a strong despicable attitude towards legal profession and always naggs me to leave this profession. Many times I have tried to convince her about importance and value of legal profession and it's growing demand almost in ever walks of life but she remains totally unconvinced and always remains under fear psychosis. Recently she has drawn herself abundantly towards spiritual and religious sermons and lectures in you tube and seems to be quite impressed by this. Is this the reason or anything else? Kindly suggest a way out. Thanking you Anonymous
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What is about the legal profession that she finds despicable? There is mostly likely a preconcieved notion about how the profession is or must be that possibly is making her have some sort of dislike towards it.
These differences can only come to light by having a conversation. She most certainly has some deep-seated belief about you being an advocate and who knows maybe some sort of fear as well (since u mentioned about it) and to turn all this off has found her path into religious practices.
Kindly take an appointment with someone who can help her come out of this fear as mere talking has not helped BUT continue to speak with her about this; it may enable her to share what is it that she fears and what she thinks may happen.

All the best!
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Answered on Mar 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 28, 2024Hindi
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I am 65 years old and have history of sleeplessness and on tranquilizers. about two years back, it got so bad that one night I wanted to end it all. fortunately my wife was around and calmed me down. We saw a psychiatrist the next day and she put me on anti depressants. Since then I am sleeping well. But the fear is I feel I will not sleep without medication. Is it okay to take this medication life long. Is there a way I can go to sleep without medication like everybody else? allthough I am a diabetic my general health is good as I take part in endurance running and related activities.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You need medicines to sleep and now you worry that without that you worry that you won't sleep. That's how these medicines can be...make you dependent on them...
The better choice will be to grow out of them...any kind of dependence of anything or anyone is never healthy.
Speak with your doctor and state that you do not want to be dependent on medicines for something as natural as sleep...He/She will suggest ways to wean you off from the medicines and also hoping that they put you on some holistic treatment like meditation or other any alternative therapies that are known to eliminate the source of sleeplessness in you.
Be patient with this line of treatment as it will take time to identify the root of the problem but once it is found, it becomes easy to treat it once and for all hopefully taking you off medicines fully someday.
Kindly explore this option as this will help you to take charge of your life and sleep as well.

All the best!
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Answered on Mar 29, 2024

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my husband died when my son is12.5yrs. he was fond ofcricket and after my sons birth he trained him my son is now 15 he is spineer and play verywell. secondly after my son sbirth he always with my son because he left job and taken vrs. i m single mother now. my son didnot cry cry when he dead nor whenever i talked withhim he didnot want to discuss about him . he irritate. and never from his side he talked about his papa. why i didnot understand. and what to do so that he will talk about his papa. iknow he has verygood memories with him he alawys pamper my son when he was alive. suggest what to do
Ans: Dear Shobha,
I am truly sorry for your loss...Loss of a loved one is one of the toughest phases in anyone's life!
Also, you must understand that each of us have a different way of dealing and coping with loss. Your son possibly feels more comfortable masking his sadness and not talking about how much he misses having his father around. Since you say that he has good memories of his father, spend time with him not discussing his father but actually playing on those memories and keeping those happy memories alive. Since, they bonded over cricket, talk more about that with him and how his father would have been proud of him now. Someday, when he is ready to talk about his father, he will...give him time and replay the good times as a family and especially cricket with his father.
The only time you need to be concerned is when he starts to show any signs of withdrawal from life in general...since you haven't mentioned this, I assume that your son is fine and is just not willing to discuss his father. Let him be...each of us process grief differently. Just bond with him as a caring mother that you are...that will keep him safe and stable.

All the best!
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Answered on Mar 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 25, 2024Hindi
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Hi mam, actually I am having a trouble in my relationship. Me and my partner are from different castes but we love each other. Due to the fear of my parents I told him some days back that my parents will never agree for our marriage as he is one year younger than me, he is from different caste and we both are in the final stage of our professional course and have not gone for job yet. But we are unable to leave each other and keep on crying. Now I am thinking of talking about this to my parents once my exams are over in a couple of months because I'm already 24 and they will start looking for alliance for me. But my partner is like there's no problem on his side but he doesn't want me to hurt and ruin relationship with my parents due to this disclosure and says that its never going to happen with heavy emotions and teary eyes. I am also unable to control my emotions and tears. Please advise me on what to do please mam....
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Well, your partner is being kind and thinking for you and your relationship with your parents. It is a nice trait to have to be empathetic but it may cost him the relationship. And he has taken this stance only because you have talked him about how fearful you are of your parents.
I guess instead of giving up like this, why don't the two of you sit down as adults and discuss how to talk to your parents and make this happen. When you act against what society and family set as norms, you should have expected something to go against the fairy tale event, right?
Since you did not set this tone in mind, now it's about taking the bull by the horns and finding what's the best solution. Why give up?

All the best!
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