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Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You are invisible to him now. Honestly, you need to figure out if he's still interested in the relationship. Because canceling dates, not wanting to listen to what you have to say seems like red flags; do explore this further and you can decide to have an honest conversation with him.
Be clear on what you want in this relationship and don't settle for less; you will thank yourself for it.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
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Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It might help if you can actually request one of your close friends to introduce you to a lady acquaintance/friend of theirs or known to them.
Your friends know you and will also have an idea of your interests and introduce you to like minded people. It's worth taking this approach.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
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Ans: Dear Bunny,
If you are able to hire a lawyer to take your case, please do so... If not, take the help of any NGO in your area that deals with domestic violence. They will help you take the case to the police and do the needful.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
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Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Please find a replacement for the maid!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
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Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Familiarity breeds contempt! When you were dating and away from one another, there was a part of each of you that waited for the excitement of seeing one another again, surprising each other, laughing, talking...now, you live under one roof, obviously you did know that a bit of that fun and spark will go missing, didn't you?
Try to recreate the dating scene now...keep some space from each other to keep the mystery alive!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
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Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Since you have mentioned that you don't seek guidance but just wanted to share the pain; thank you for writing in and sharing and I wish you well in life and can only hope things get better for you...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
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Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There is nothing that you can do, right? If your cousin is getting married, wish her well...
And as for you, a reality check; did you put in all the efforts into building your marriage or did your past affair keep coming back and prevented you from giving this marriage a chance?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
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Ans: Dear Anonymous,
This may sound a bit rude to you; my apologies if it does but someone needs to say it aloud...

Why exactly are you getting into the middle of all of this? They are two grown people who need to sort this out for themselves. If your daughter-in-law is not prepared to be a mother, there's obviously a reason for this and this is between the couple. Let them talk about it If your son is coming to you with his issues with his wife, should you not actually ask him to take it up on his own?
And how did the talk of separation come about? Is this question from you son or are you suggesting it by yourself?
Let them sort out their issues without any intervention from you or anyone in the family and this so-called dream of family lineage and depriving you of becoming grandparents is sounding like an agenda.
Their marriage, their way of living! And that's how it must be! Please push your son to be a husband first and then a dutiful son otherwise he will lose his marriage.
Once all of you back off from all your expectations, it's possible that the relationship between the two of them starts to get better
and she may feel like even thinking of an idea of starting a family. And as for unpleasantness created in your larger family; they have no say in your son's marriage.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
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Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Thanks you for your kind words of acknowledgement!

It's nice to know that you care a lot. Just be with him as any friend would...let him have the time to grieve and instead of putting a time to how quickly he must normalize, just let him be...That would really help him more than you wanting to see him better due to your anxiety. This is more about him than you. Step in to intervene only if there are drastic and detrimental changes in his behavior.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
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Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your father is just coping with his loss in this manner; it's unusual and very complicated. Now, is it right or not is something that is left to him to decide. But he does need to understand that this could also ruin the reputation of that young girl. She is just under his influence in terms of attention (physical and maybe emotional) and it's likely once he's through the grieving phase, he will drop the girl like a hot potato and she will have no where to talk and complain about it.
Do involve an elderly family member who can talk sense into him. This is not just about respecting your late mother but also understanding the repercussions of having an association with a younger woman and that too a neighbor. If he is just doing this to forget his grief, it's not going to end well for anybody.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
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Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Have fun but 'secretly' is fun no? That's what he is happily enjoying...
Obviously he cares about his reputation and what if you get too involved in him; so he's making sure he has fun but in a way that has a boundary.
I would suggest let him not have the pleasure of drawing that boundary so there is not need for you to respond to any of his messages...And you are absolutely right in asking: "If we are just friends why he want to keep it private." There lies your answer. For him, possibly it has gone beyond this in his mind and hence he keeping it private. Draw your boundary NOW. Better later than never.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
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Ans: Dear solar,
In sab ke beech, aapke girlfriend ka kya kehna hai? Woh aapne bataaya nahin. Kya woh apne parents ko tall sakegi aur kitni der kar paayegi? Kya woh aapke jon lagne tak intezzar karna chahti hai? Aisa lag raha hai ki is rishte ka wazan aap leke ghoom rake ho...thoda apne girlfriend ke saath baithkar plan kijiye taaki woh bhi aapke saath is samasya ka hal dhoond sake.
Ek baat toh hai ki uske parents ko manaana mushkil hoga aur jab tak aapki job nahin lagti woh is rishte ke liye raazi nahin honge. Toh plan yeh karna ki jab tak aapki naukri lage, tab tak aap dono is baat ko aur is samasaya ko aur uske parents ko kaise sambhalenge. Joh bhi ho saath mein milke plan karna.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
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Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Forget everyone... Marriage is between two people and only they matter. You can't see your wife in pain, right? Then there's obviously affection still left for her. Work this out as a couple. Take a vacation away from in-laws, sister, parents...people can complicate matters more than the couple themselves...The two of you do need this time by yourselves to rebuild your marriage. Do it with an intention to work things out and you maybe surprised as to how things can get rebuilt between the two of you.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
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Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Kindly go for an intervention to a Marriage Therapist who can help you and your wife pull back the strings and work things together. Obviously she's not playing fair when she has begun to blackmail you; the only way to bring things out will be to work with an external person and see where things lead...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
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Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Yes, it's absolutely normal to have a sibling with whom you can't really look up to. The key here is to accept people for who they are and what they put into a relationship especially when it comes to sibling associations. The more you start to demand in your mind, the more your brother will keep falling short and the chances of a healthy connection will go missing. Instead, you can put what you wish to into the relationship without really expecting nothing much in return. In fact, you will be at peace...
Difficult to do but not impossible...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
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Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I don't predict the future BUT I can tell you that when the age gap is large, thoughts and value systems start to become different and 19 years is a very long gap...so, it can cause issues within the marriage when mind compatibility fails.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
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Ans: Dear Shaoryam,
Isme kainsi saazish karna hai? Nikalna hai daldal se niklo...itna kya sochna? Agar uski zindagi nark banegi toh wahaan kyon zindagi shuru kare...boriya bistar baandho aur niklo...phaansi ki acting woh kare, dhamkiyan woh de aur dare yeh ladki...kyon? Sabut hai na?
Lekin in sab mein aapka kya role hai joh itna pareshaan ho rahe hain?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
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Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Well, if only she could appreciate all your efforts towards the family and her. But you know what; what she could be missing is the emotional connection with you especially when you work 7 days a week...it leaves you very little time with the family or for her. This can cause a lack within your relationship. Is it possible for you take a day off so that you have time for yourself and your family? It maybe the same job or something else. I know that changes are hard to make BUT at the end of the day, relationships especially the core ones matter the most, don't they?
This change can definitely put things back together and give your wife the opportunity to be with you and appreciate you even more...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
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Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Many people have disliked the 'work from home' option that involves a lot of virtual interface. But do remind yourself: What is the need of the hour? There are a lot of things that you may dislike as eating options but you do anyway knowing that they are good for health, right?
When you start obsessing over something that you don't want, it makes it bigger in your mind to tolerate and that can cause you a lot of struggle. So, why not instead find ways of dealing with the inevitable?
How can you make things better for yourself when you have virtual meets and presentations? What are the advantages/perks of doing these virtually? When you start to look at the brighter side of things, the disinterest kind of starts to fade away and it makes it easier for you to be a part of what your work demands.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
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Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You are not even sure whether you want to accept her past with the other guy. If you have not made peace with this, why talk of marriage and indulging in physical stuff with her? It's not her this time; it's YOU!
So, take a break from this association, clear your mind space on what you want from life and a life partner. If she is the person you know that fits the description, then perhaps the past will not matter. Mere love is not enough, what you value in a relationship is in question now...so, take time to think i through and then make a decision on it.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
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Ans: Dear JA,
Your son is old enough to decide for himself. Let him be and someday when he meets someone that he likes, things may change or he may wish to remain unmarried. Also, with excess workload, it can get difficult to put in effort into matters of the heart. Let the work ease a bit and it's possible that he will be able to balance his life.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
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Ans: Dear Pursottam,
Are you are the same person who is in love with the girl who is behind the curtains? If yes, how and when did this girl become your girlfriend? Opening (drawing) the curtains can also mean that she's letting the sunlight in. You don't even know if this girl is interested in you and you are already thinking of what your mother and sister will say!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
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Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What can you do but to understand that your daughter was okay being 'foolish' the second time around? She's old enough to marry, divorce, marry the same person again and divorce again, then she surely needs a lesson on how to grow up and make responsible decisions. Allow her to grow up without shielding her; as difficult and cruel as it may seem, she needs to take responsibility for her actions. As a parent, support and love her without telling her what to do and not to do. That will enable her to become rational about life and life's decisions.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
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Ans: Dear Anonymous,
How have you managed to confuse yourself so much? You know how?
By reading into situations that have happened outside of you way too much. Yes, I will say this to you; not all women are the way you perceive.
If you got attacked by a cat, you will say...All cats are aggressive and dangerous. Is this true? Are all cats that way or just the one that you got attacked by?
In your case, you have only seen failed marriages and you have concluded as some universal truth that things will go bad and then you have gone to the extent of protecting your mother. Do you not see what rigid thinking can do? Confuse you, derail you, disillusion you...
If you wish to set things right, change the way that you are thinking of marriage, potential partners for marriage...focus on what can go right rather than on what can go wrong, will help you a lot in this.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
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Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Kindly follow what NIMHANS has suggested. They know what they are saying and well, for the wellness of the family, each member must make it to the family therapy whenever sessions are scheduled. These sessions not only handle the challenge at hand but also guide each of you on how to communicate with one another in the face of challenges. So, my suggestion would be that you follow what NIMHANS has advised until the point that your son has to leave Bengaluru. A little bit of understanding within the family can go a long way on easing relationship dynamics within the family and also establish better between all of you.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
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Ans: Dear Pursottam,
Looks a bit filmy, right? To assume that moving of curtains is leading to love is only fooling yourself. And based on this assumption, you want to express your feelings...How are you so sure that the girl feels the same?
By the way, how old are you? You have left that part off while writing your query.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
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Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You need to make a decision for yourself after looking at all the pros and cons. How are you going to be able to handle your parents once you make the decision to go ahead with the marriage?
Also, on your part, you are right in asking, how long do you need to wait?
Before making a decision, always think far ahead as to how your environment will react and how you are going to handle all of it.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
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Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Judging your parents and their choices is not going to anyway help you in your context. So, why even go there?
Instead focus on your situation and how you can make things happen for yourself.
- Are you financially independent and will you be able to manage the discomfort that will emerge once you choose to be on your own?
- Will your boyfriend support your decision and will he stand by you when you go against your family?
- What does his side of the family have to say about all of this?
If you notice the questions above, none of them are set to 'convince' your family. It is almost impossible to convince someone who does not want to be convinced. These questions will give you an idea and enable to handle your situation by stepping up for yourself.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
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Ans: Dear Anonymous,
As bad or hurtful as it may sound to you, you have simply thrown your life at the mercy of others. They have used you as a puppet only because you have given them permission to do so...past relationships and even now.
What you should do now is:
1. Ask an elder member (not your mother) of the family to intervene and talk to him and his side of the family to see if there is any scope for reconciliation. If there is, then your husband has got to stop playing these games of wanting you one day and then not wanting you the next. It's highly toxic to live with someone who trusts you for a moment and then asks you to prove your innocence the next moment. The two of you will need to get into Intensive Therapy as a couple to put things back together.
2. If there is no scope for reconciliation, please get a good lawyer who can secure the baby's future and yours.

Though you haven't asked me this, for your own good I suggest:
Please understand that no man is going to make you happy. So, depending on them despite the fact that can act toxic, is only draining you mentally and emotionally. Evaluate for yourself what you want from life besides being in relationships constantly. A break from it all will actually help you, you know. At least it will give you sense of how you can be by yourself and what you value the most in your life. Once you get past this stage, you will be stronger to draw boundaries and know how to enforce them. No one will be able to walk over you and you will be able to reclaim your identity.
You come first and your baby is going to need a strong mother raising them. So, step up NOW!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
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Ans: Dear Surendra,
Go to the cops and next time make sure you are being ethical. Unethical acts catch up eventually...The cops may help locate the vehicle.

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Anu Krishna
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Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Integrate yourself well into the family; showing interest in cooking and actually doing it are two different things. At times, family members just end up testing you through what you do or not do. Showing interest and in fact praising you mother-in-law and actually learning a dish or two the way she makes it isn't going to hurt you or put a dent in your work life. In fact, they will appreciate that you tried and leave you alone.
Going on a tangent to prove that you have a day job and that you don't like to be compared etc leads to unwanted conversations and arguments. But what is it getting you other than putting you on a spotlight where they target you again. Instead take the spotlight off of you by integrating better; they will leave you alone and in fact even support you. Right now, all this nagging is only to gain your attention and you are giving into it...Integrate...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
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Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Honesty is the core of any relationship and when this is in question like in your relationship, it's obvious that you are going to think and process every move and action of his.
The key here is to separate his actions from what is important to you. Let's assume for a moment that what is important to you is Honesty...then all is actions will be evaluated against this, isn't it? This game will go on and stress you. Instead, hold on to the fact that honesty is non-negotiable and that's that!
Now, assure him that at any point in time he has the space and liberty to talk to you about anything. This will ensure that you are accommodating. Being in a understanding space can put men at ease and who knows his wayward ways may end soon. But, hey you know best...But also know this, once the seed of doubt is set in, it's only going to grow. So, decide whether you want to trust him and if he really is someone you can put your trust on. You will know that being with him for 7 years...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
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Ans: Dear Tanvir,
Pichli baatein ko wahin rakhna chahiye jahaan pe woh hue the. Usko aaj ke tareek mein baar baar doharaane se aapa aaj bigad sakta hai aur aapke mann mein shanka badhti hi jaayegi. Jab aapki fiancee keh rahi hain ki yeh pehli baat hai, ya toh aap is baat par vishwaas kare ya na kare, yeh aap pe nirbhar hai. Agar aap shaq karna chahte hain toh bahut baatein hai is baat ko saabit karne ke liye par agar aap is baat ko bhi peeche rakhke aage badhna chahte hain toh yeh bhi ho sakta hai par uske liye aap ko aapki fiancee par vishwaas karna padega aur unki baaton par. Shaq ki nazron se kuch bhi dekhoge toh shaq hi saamne nikalke aayega. Ab aap ka chunenge?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
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Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If all is well medically, then the only thing that can stop a couple from getting sexually intimate are fears of what intercourse really is. Focusing on sex especially since this is the first time for the both of you CAN put you under tremendous stress. Instead focus on connecting first with each other. Emotional bonding through love, care and affection can allow for a lot of non-sexual intimacy first. Keep at this until you get comfortable with one another and then you take things to the next level that will ease you both into sexual intimacy.
Being in LOVE and a very close emotional connect can actually be huge boosters into getting intimate and ease you two into sex.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
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Ans: Dear Anonymous,
This is a question for a legal expert; so go ahead and seek the guidance of someone who can handle your case. Along with this, you will have to think of a good balance that will allow for you to manage work and home plus your health.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
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Ans: Dear Sanjay,
What would you do if something like this happened in your house? Suggest the same to your friend.
But also, before accusing or doubting someone, please make sure that your friend has not misplaced the money.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
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Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Do yourself a huge favor by just being your age. Play a port, hang out with friends and have fun. Physical attraction without love is just LUST and that is temporary. So, you are not falling for her but falling for the idea of physical attraction towards her.
At 18, there is a certain emotional maturity; would be good for you to stick to that and grow up responsibly. Someday, you will meet someone closer to you age and who is also like-minded...wait for it!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
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Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It is kind of strange to see your mother act like this around him. This is definitely not something usual or causal and there is something deeper than what you can see or understand.
Does you father and his brother also notice the same or are they pretending to not notice it? This could give you a good understanding of what is going on. If your father is ignoring it, then kindly ask him to take some time out and explain this to you. On your part, spend more time with your mother; take her out, shop together, show her some fun time...encourage her to pursue some hobby or educational learning classes outside of home. When she starts to feel good about herself and does things for herself, she might be able to stand up for herself and push this fellow away.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
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Ans: Dear Janardhan,
She's your daughter; certainly you can talk to her about your concerns, right? And when she shares, do make sure that you LISTEN first. As parents, you can be concerned and be quick to judge the person that she has chosen to marry. But when you do that, you are only going to push her further away from you. Let her share her side first and then present your side of concerns...request her to think about it and have another discussion a few weeks later.
As a toddler when she threw a tantrum, what did you do? I am sure that you let the emotion pass, then you picked her up and showered her with affection, so that she registers that she will be loved and cared for BUT her tantrum will not be appreciated.
The situation is similar; so try to break into her world and hear her out first...I hope you understand that for logic of pros and cons to be communicated, there is a need to first accept the emotional state that she is in...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
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Ans: Dear Dhruv,
The easiest way to feel better when a relationship is failing is to get into another one. Searching for what you want in the original relationship cannot be found anywhere else; so giving into that temptation is only going to make things more confusing.
So, if you still love your wife and want to make it work, what have the two of you done so far to make things work?
Working on the marriage is a task that needs effort and a certain kind of stubborn nature that will help you cross over the the challenges that can emerge.
Your marriage now requires a complete RESET. So, push that button and go back to where it all began; no baggage, no expectations, no complaining...When you accept a situation, then do so fully...you can't have children; if you have accepted it then what's the reason to move apart. It only suggests that it was a compromise and not an acceptance.
Understand that acceptance is being graceful about the situation and being supportive of one another. Begin life afresh; date one another...laugh together, do things together. Bring back the little joys and bigger goals for marriage and life...
And most importantly, be in complete support of one another! That hidden love that you both share needs to be watered and nurtured even more...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
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Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Clearly your therapy didn't take you anywhere and your counselor telling you to forget the affair makes it even more clear that he/she was leading you into a space of impossibility. If it's so easy to forget, why haven't you? Because it is not possible to forget what impacts you the most...
It has to be worked upon and skimmed over. What I could gather from what you have shared is that you seem to be waiting for your husband to decide the fate of your marriage!
What's your thought on it? What makes you wait for his approval or decision on it? If after repeated attempts, the marriage does not seem like a priority to him, how can you expect him to make a decision about it?
He's a pretty cat sitting on a fence playing both fields and wishing that he can be the best player on both sides of the field...You get the depth of this? He's never going to decide and this will constantly keep you on the edge not letting you move on anything.
I am sure you will be relieved knowing that the decision when in your court can help you accelerate things and it will be clear how and when you wish to move on...
The decision must be yours NOW!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
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Ans: Dear Ajay,
Kindly set up an appointment for a Couples Therapy. Lack of success with pregnancy, drills many holes within a marriage and when not handled well can drain the relationship. Give the therapy a chance before suggesting divorce.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
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Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Let it be a matter that is sorted by only your son and his wife. It's their marriage and let them take the responsibility of putting it back together. As parents, sometimes the concern that you show can actually backfire depending on what exactly is irking the couple and their marriage.
It is going to be difficult for you and your wife to become silent spectators but at times it is better than intervening. They are adults who know what a quarrel can do; so let them figure out what to do after a quarrel. Let your son learn how he can manage the situation after a quarrel where his wife is able to access her mature side and talk things through rather than packing and leaving. I am sure you understand where I am going with this!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
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Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What you need is a good break away from relationships. Till you learn to appreciate yourself, no one else is going to!
You have just on a rebound gotten into another relationship and obviously when you are in a weak place, his dominant nature is going to be prominent.
Heart breaks are very difficult BUT before you process it, you have jumped into the arms of another. When I say, 'process', it means evaluating what went wrong and what was right in the previous relationship. This will help you in understanding what you want in a relationship and how to spot red flags in one.
That is why I keep stressing on: Heal from a relationship fully before jumping into another one.
So, at this point, you need a break from it all...you will be doing yourself a huge favor...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
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Ans: Dear Arun,
Right thing: You don't get into relationships like these...so there's no question of getting over it, right? If it has already happened, pray that no one gets to know about it and then stay away from it all...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
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Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Ask an elder member of your family to meet with an elder member of your girlfriend's family and then maybe they can actually help in breaking ground with both sets of parents...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
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Ans: Dear Anonymous,
This is what obsessive care can look like...but what are you going to do? Your wife is clearly deep into it and no amount of reasoning is going to make her see what this is doing to you and your child.
My suggestion would be to actually take your child and go on a long holiday or get away from home long enough for her to feel your absence and that of your child's. She has begun to take you and the child for granted and she must know what it is to not have you both around.
It is a bit extreme, but obsessive care to someone need extreme steps, right? It's an attempt into putting things in order...see how it goes! It could prove to shake the mind up a bit in order for her to realize that she needs to focus on her marriage as well.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
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Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What is your question for me?
Let me assume that you just wanted to share and convey that you wish to wait for him forever.
What's the point waiting for someone who has decided to move on? Maybe he could not see you wait forever BUT he also did not take a stand for your relationship, right?
Taking things too far like what you are doing by waiting for someone who does not even acknowledge your love and presence in his life whatever the reason maybe, it's clear that he has decided to yield to what his mother wants. Even if he decides to be with you, do remember that his mother will be a huge influence in a not so great way on him and that may not be great for your relationship.
You have a great life ahead of you; why don't you experience life without him for a while and actually feel the weight lifting off your shoulders? At least you are not the only one who seems to be carrying on the burden of the relationship...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
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Ans: Dear AyNidhi,
Your sister has looked out for her own happiness. Why is that a bad thing especially when it is breaking old barriers in a modern world? Agreed you come from a Pandit's house, but to expect everyone of this day and age to follow rigid rules is a bit difficult, don;t you think?
Now you seem to be aligned with what your family treats as traditions...but not your sisters...does that make them bad or wrong? I understand that this is going to be difficult for you to accept and understand but when you start valuing relationships over rigid family traditions, you might be able to appreciate your sisters better. They are rebelling only because there is no way out...maybe you could start to take on the role of an understanding brother and then see...
As for your father, hard on him, but he has to really start living in this day and age...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
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Ans: Dear Anonymous,
As comfortable as that maybe at this time to have a person care for you, I suggest that you have some boundaries keeping in mind the people that surround you and yes, the society that you live in...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/