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Pooja

Pooja Khera

Life, Relationship Coach 

21 Answers | 21 Followers

Pooja Khera has a PGDM in human resources from Amity University and is a happiness and wellbeing coach certified by Yale University. She also has a master's degree in astrology and is a tarot card reader as well.... more

Answered on Apr 05, 2023

Relationship
I’m married for 14 years and have a 12 yr old son, both working. It was love marriage but before marriage explained me that leaving her ex from her college as it was not true love. After these 14 years, I came to know that they were having physical relation as well and the same hurt me very hard and couldn’t focus on anything and difficult to believe that with whom I spent 14 yr and still there is something can be hidden. Thats not all, on domestic issues whenever we have argument on household work/ expenses/ guiding son on studying etc, if she is not able to answer or didn’t like my response couldn’t control her anger, she tried to stangle me, beat me up, slapping, pour water/ hot tea on me, also not to mention abusing me in front of my son. Also many times she threatened to end her life by taking a knife in hand or by closing door to attempt hanging. That’s why bedroom & washroom door locks are broken in my house. Due to all these I left house twice in these years but due to her repeated apology and affection to my son I returned. Now I think all these are unbearable and need to take some step for resolution. Also as my son is old enough to understand all happenings don’t want ruin his life with all these nuisance. Humble request to advice as I’m under tremendous pain.
Ans: Violence in any form is unacceptable and alone th reason to walk out of the relationship. No one should ensure violence , disrespect or manipulation in any relationship and in your case there are all three of them. In my opinion, you should walk out of this marriage given your partner has proven there's no change at her end.
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Answered on Jan 16, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 16, 2023
Hi Pooja My husband and I were going through a tough time during the lockdown and I got in touch with an old friend. Both of us are married and have a history with each other. We knew each other since we were young. We got involved physically and although we are mature adults, we do long for each other. But there are kids and much as we'd want to be together, we can't afford to take this relationship forward. We have limited our communication but it is getting harder by the day because we do love each other. Is this normal? What do you generally advice someone in a situation like this? How do we deal with this situation better?
Ans: Hi Anonymous. The very fact that you have fallen in love outside the marriage is a strong indicator that your marriage isn't fulfilling or a relationship that is giving you the love you deserve. You can wither choose to consult a professional relationship/ marriage coach to help you rebuild the marriage or you would need to take a decision to move out of it. Staying in the marriage only because of your kids is doing injustice to them as well as children see and understand they are living with unhappy parents and they will eventually tell you not to. If you feel that you and your friend truly love each other, then have an honest discussion about next steps and if you are both ready to take it forward. There is nothing abnormal about falling in love with another person but where do you want to take the relationship to is a choice you will need to make, sooner or later.
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Answered on Jan 16, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 13, 2023
Dear Pooja, my husband and I share a very friendly relationship. When we have disagreements, we often tend to forget that our child is around. In the past few months, we have been arguing a lot and this seems to have taken a hit on our son. He is behaving strangely at school. He has got into trouble with other kids in his class and is often caught scribbling at his desk. He gets angry and throws tantrums in public. When we tried talking to him, he seemed normal but he did mention to the counsellor that even my mom and dad fight when they are angry. Since then we have mellowed down a bit. But how do we address this to our child?
Ans: Hi there! As adults, our arguments in a marriage or relationship are inevitable. But with kids around, we need to be more cognisant of the fact that kids get influenced very quickly. Since their emotional spectrums are being developed when they experience arguments or fights, they begin to believe that is normal , but since they are unable to process the frustration that arises , they tend to take it out in their own behaviour with their peers and in their social settings. The best way to address this with the child is through a counsellor or a therapist. As parents who are arguing or fighting, you are the trigger or their anger and instability and the trust factor or the feeling of you being the safe space for them has been compromised. Have your child consult a professional coach or counsellor who will ensure the child gets a safe space to express and will help re build the bridge between you and your child with their expertise of handling the child's psychology and helping your son process his feelings.
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