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Can I Overcome My Parents' Extreme Opposition to My Inter-Caste Relationship?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |663 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 21, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 20, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello, I'm in a relationship with a guy for last 2 years. We both stay in another country, and we met there. He is a PhD student and I'm a MBA student. We both are about to graduate from our respective courses. We both have a 7.5 years of age gap and he is from Kerala and I'm from Delhi. We both love each other, and are ready to fight for our relationship. He spoke to his parents, and they're very happy with us, but when I spoke to my parents, they made huge issues, and started saying, we will die if you marry him. We will die, you can take your pheras around our burning body. And they came up with some negative stories about him, which is not true. We both are very career oriented people, and respect each other decisions. I'm not saying, my parents won't have an issue, they will, since its about North-South India, also different cultures and Age gap. But they're bringing up issues, that I can't even mention here (political issues). I spoke to my parents first time face to face about this, and they said all that. To which I didn't argue, because I understood, whatever I say right now, they won't listen to me. I just told them, whatever you say, is okay. Can you please guide me with how to talk to them, and convince them?

Ans: When you next speak with your parents, choose a calm and private setting. Start the conversation by expressing your love and respect for them, acknowledging their concerns, and stating your commitment to understanding their perspective. Share your genuine feelings about your partner and the relationship, emphasizing the mutual respect, love, and career aspirations you both share.

Highlight the positive attributes of your partner, focusing on his education, values, and how he complements you. Address specific concerns your parents have raised, providing clear and respectful counterpoints to any false accusations or misunderstandings. If possible, arrange for them to meet him or speak with his parents, as this might help bridge cultural and regional gaps.

It’s important to be patient and give your parents time to process the information. They might need multiple conversations to come to terms with your decision. Lastly, consider involving a neutral third party, such as a trusted family friend or relative, who can mediate and provide a balanced perspective.

Your goal is to maintain a respectful and open dialogue, showing empathy towards their concerns while standing firm in your decision. This balanced approach can help gradually shift their perspective and foster acceptance.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1796 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 04, 2022

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Hi Ma’am. I’m having a problem with my parents about my marriage. I’ve been in a relationship for three years and I want to marry him. My parents are not agreeing as it is a society issue because it is an interstate and inter-caste marriage. I'm trying to convince my parents for that since long time but it's going nowhere and they are too stubborn to even meet him once. What can I do in this situation? How can I deal with their emotional drama as a parent-child relationship should not break because of these issues? Kindly advise me, Ma’am. AS
Ans:

Dear AS,

You need to focus on how you can marry the person you love and also have your parents support you.

Is this possible?

There is a chance only if you take them into complete confidence and appeal to their logic.

Many societies are still against inter-caste marriages and I am sure they have their reasons for it, just like your parents have strong reasons to oppose the marriage.

Have you tried to find out why they oppose it? Are they worried about how they will face your family members as this is a big thing across cultures in the world?

As their daughter, you have connections with them as well as the right to live your life your way. Bring in an elder member of the family and ask him/her to appeal on your behalf. If this doesn’t work, you might be forced to decide one way or the other.

Whatever you do, do it with conviction and maintain relationships along the way. It may be an uphill task but breathe, smile and live life.

All the best, Happy 2022!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1796 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 25, 2024Hindi
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Hi mam, actually I am having a trouble in my relationship. Me and my partner are from different castes but we love each other. Due to the fear of my parents I told him some days back that my parents will never agree for our marriage as he is one year younger than me, he is from different caste and we both are in the final stage of our professional course and have not gone for job yet. But we are unable to leave each other and keep on crying. Now I am thinking of talking about this to my parents once my exams are over in a couple of months because I'm already 24 and they will start looking for alliance for me. But my partner is like there's no problem on his side but he doesn't want me to hurt and ruin relationship with my parents due to this disclosure and says that its never going to happen with heavy emotions and teary eyes. I am also unable to control my emotions and tears. Please advise me on what to do please mam....
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Well, your partner is being kind and thinking for you and your relationship with your parents. It is a nice trait to have to be empathetic but it may cost him the relationship. And he has taken this stance only because you have talked him about how fearful you are of your parents.
I guess instead of giving up like this, why don't the two of you sit down as adults and discuss how to talk to your parents and make this happen. When you act against what society and family set as norms, you should have expected something to go against the fairy tale event, right?
Since you did not set this tone in mind, now it's about taking the bull by the horns and finding what's the best solution. Why give up?

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1796 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2024Hindi
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Mam i am in relationship for 9 years now..he became my boyfriend when i shifted in my new house he was my neighbour..i was in 10th when i got caught and since then my parents hate my boyfriend , i apologized to my parents then and said to have no contact with my boyfriend but 9 years down the lane ..we are totally connected and living a peaceful healthy relationship..my parents hate my boyfriend and his family to the core..my relationship with ny parents are.mixed someday they will be super nice to me , another day they will abuse me for evn small things..we have ups and down in our relationship but i love them a lott , i want to care of them in their old age..but at this point i want to talk to them about my boyfriend but seeinng that they hate him so much i am literally very very afraid that my parents will hate me to their core knowing about someone i want to marry whoom they hate soo much ..... i don't know how will they react .. i am been through physcial and verbal abuse earlier too but i don't know how much worse it can get this time..for them the girl who marry their parents choice is the best in the world..my boyfriend and i have no caste issue its just the ego issues with my parents they think karrying into that house they will never able to have good enough respect though my mother and his mother talk..but that too my mother bitch a lott about her mother for even nonsensical things..i am 24 now and preparing for government exam ...i am soo much stress knowing i have to choose between my love or my parents.....i think so even if i marry him with their superficail consent they will never be happy woth me..and can even cut contacts with me...i don't know what to do i have no elder in my house to make parents explain...mam plss show me some path
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
No where have you mentioned what your boyfriend does for a living? Could this be the reason that your parents refuse to acknowledge your relationship?
Parents want the best for their children but at times their own beliefs on love marriages etc can come in the way. Since you are an adult, it is time to actually start acting like one. My suggestion is to have a conversation with them and understand the reason for their refusal to accept your boyfriend. If it is one of society and family objection, then you know how to handle it BUT if their concern is more about his character or his job, you both need to make an effort to take away that concern so that they accept all this wholeheartedly.
Find the reason and things will become clearer as to how you must handle the situation.

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |663 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 08, 2024Hindi
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I am in a relationship from last 2 years. We are very happy together. But when my parents came to know about us they apposed it as we both belong to different castes different social backgrounds i am from a upper middle class family and he is from lower middle class family. He made his career from scratch. I Don't want to hurt my parents by going against them. They always told me how much they care for me what they have done for me and all that i will ruin there reputation by getting married to him. On the other hand i love him so much , he is a very nice person he cares for me a lot and i know i will never be happy without him. What should i do.. nowadays i Don't feel like talking to anyone and my family thinks i dont love them and i am ignoring them which is not the case i just don't feel like talking. What should i do to convince them for us...?
Ans: Navigating this situation requires sensitivity and careful communication. Start by having an open and honest conversation with your parents. Explain your feelings and how much this relationship means to you. Emphasize the qualities that make your partner a good match for you, such as his care and commitment.

Acknowledge their concerns and express gratitude for their care and the sacrifices they've made for you. Reassure them that your love for them hasn't changed and that you value their opinions. Try to understand their perspective and address their worries about social status and reputation.

You might also consider arranging a meeting between your parents and your partner. This can help them see his positive attributes and understand why you love him. Show them how he has built his career from scratch, demonstrating his determination and resilience.

It's important to remain patient and give your parents time to adjust to the idea. Meanwhile, continue to express your love and respect for them, reinforcing that your decision is based on your happiness and future well-being.

Balancing your love for your partner and respect for your parents is difficult, but with open communication and patience, you can work towards finding a middle ground that respects everyone's feelings.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11184 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 25, 2026

Money
Sir I have Invested in Parag Pareek Flexi Cap Fund, Kotak Mid Cap Fund, invesco small cap fund, SBI Multi Asset Allocation fund direct growth and HDFC Balance advantage fund. All are direct growth mode and each sip 2000 for each fund . Please suggest me that my portfolio is balanced and my age is 54 and I started from last 4 months
Ans: You have taken a really good first step by starting your SIP investments. Starting at age 54 is not too late. Every rupee you invest today is working for you. Let us look at your portfolio carefully and give you a full picture.
» Your Current Portfolio at a Glance
You are investing Rs. 2,000 each in five funds. That makes a total SIP of Rs. 10,000 per month. You have been doing this for four months now. That is a good beginning. The funds you have chosen cover different categories – flexi cap, mid cap, small cap, multi asset, and balanced advantage. This shows you have tried to spread your money across fund types. That thinking is right.
» What Is Working Well in Your Portfolio
– You have chosen direct growth plans across all five funds. I will talk more about this point shortly.
– You have a mix of equity and hybrid funds. That shows some awareness of balance.
– Multi asset and balanced advantage funds add some stability to your portfolio. That is a wise inclusion, especially at your age.
– Your flexi cap fund gives the fund manager freedom to move across large, mid, and small cap stocks. That flexibility is useful.
» A Concern About Direct Plans
Since you are investing in direct funds, I want to share something important with you. Direct funds look attractive because of lower expense ratios. But they come with a real cost that most people miss.
– In direct plans, you are on your own. There is no advisor to guide you during market falls, rebalancing, or life changes.
– Most direct fund investors panic and exit during market corrections. This destroys returns.
– You end up making emotional decisions without professional support.
– Direct plans need you to track, review, and rebalance your portfolio regularly. That needs knowledge and time.
Regular plans, invested through a Mutual Fund Distributor who holds CFP credentials, give you much more than just a fund. You get ongoing advice, portfolio review, goal alignment, and hand-holding during volatile markets. The small difference in expense ratio is well worth it when you have a qualified CFP guiding your journey. I would strongly suggest you consider switching to regular plans through a CFP-credentialed MFD.
» Age 54 and Equity Exposure – A Closer Look
At 54, your investment horizon matters a lot. Let us think about this clearly.
– If you are planning to retire at 60, you have about 6 years left to invest and grow.
– Your current portfolio has three pure equity funds – flexi cap, mid cap, and small cap. That is 60% of your SIP going into equity.
– Mid cap and small cap funds are high-risk categories. They can fall sharply in the short term.
– At your age, having 60% in high-risk equity is on the aggressive side.
This is not wrong if you understand the risk and have other stable assets like PPF, EPF, or fixed deposits to support you. But if this mutual fund portfolio is your primary retirement savings, it needs some rethinking.
» The Small Cap Weight Is High
– Small cap funds are the most volatile category in mutual funds.
– They can fall 40-50% in bad markets and take years to recover.
– At age 54, you may not have enough time to wait for a full recovery if markets fall badly.
– Keeping a small allocation is fine, but it needs to be balanced with more stable options.
» What Balance Means at Your Stage of Life
A balanced portfolio at age 54 does not mean equal allocation to all fund types. It means your money should be placed in a way that protects what you have built while still growing it.
– Hybrid funds like balanced advantage and multi asset are very suitable for you. They automatically manage equity and debt allocation. That is smart investing for your age.
– Flexi cap is a good core holding. It balances itself across market caps.
– Mid cap and small cap need careful sizing. Too much in these can hurt your retirement corpus if markets are bad when you need the money.
» Portfolio Overlap Is a Real Issue
– Flexi cap funds already invest in mid cap and small cap stocks to some extent.
– When you add a dedicated mid cap and small cap fund on top, your exposure to riskier stocks becomes very high.
– This overlap means you are not as diversified as you may think. You are actually taking more risk than your current five-fund structure suggests.
» What a Rebalanced Approach Could Look Like
Without recommending specific schemes, a better structure for your age could work around these ideas –
– Keep a strong hybrid fund as the anchor. Balanced advantage funds are great for this.
– Multi asset allocation funds give you equity, debt, and commodity exposure together. Keep this.
– One good flexi cap fund as your core equity holding is enough.
– Reduce or review mid cap allocation. A smaller slice is fine.
– Small cap at age 54 should be minimal or removed if risk tolerance is low.
– Consider adding a debt-oriented fund to bring stability as you approach retirement.
» Taxation Awareness
Since you are in equity mutual funds, please keep this in mind –
– If you sell equity mutual fund units held for more than one year, gains above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. This is long-term capital gains tax.
– If you sell within one year, gains are taxed at 20%. This is short-term capital gains tax.
So holding your funds patiently for the long term is better both for growth and for tax efficiency.
» Retirement Planning Angle
You are four months into your investment journey. This is also the time to think bigger –
– What is your retirement corpus target?
– Do you have other savings like EPF, PPF, or fixed deposits?
– Will Rs. 10,000 per month be enough to reach your goal in 6 years?
These are important questions. A CFP can help you map your current savings, project your future corpus, and tell you if your SIP amount needs to go up over time. Please consider increasing your SIP amount as and when your income allows.
» Finally
You have started your investment journey with a thoughtful mix of funds. That deserves genuine appreciation. The direction is right. A few adjustments in terms of risk calibration, fund category weights, and guidance through a CFP-credentialed MFD can make your portfolio much more suitable for your age and retirement goal. You still have good years ahead to build a meaningful corpus. Stay consistent, review regularly, and always invest with a plan.
Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.linkedin.com/in/ramalingamcfp/

...Read more

Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |7678 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on May 25, 2026

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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