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Can I Overcome My Parents' Extreme Opposition to My Inter-Caste Relationship?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |606 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 21, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 20, 2024Hindi
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Hello, I'm in a relationship with a guy for last 2 years. We both stay in another country, and we met there. He is a PhD student and I'm a MBA student. We both are about to graduate from our respective courses. We both have a 7.5 years of age gap and he is from Kerala and I'm from Delhi. We both love each other, and are ready to fight for our relationship. He spoke to his parents, and they're very happy with us, but when I spoke to my parents, they made huge issues, and started saying, we will die if you marry him. We will die, you can take your pheras around our burning body. And they came up with some negative stories about him, which is not true. We both are very career oriented people, and respect each other decisions. I'm not saying, my parents won't have an issue, they will, since its about North-South India, also different cultures and Age gap. But they're bringing up issues, that I can't even mention here (political issues). I spoke to my parents first time face to face about this, and they said all that. To which I didn't argue, because I understood, whatever I say right now, they won't listen to me. I just told them, whatever you say, is okay. Can you please guide me with how to talk to them, and convince them?

Ans: When you next speak with your parents, choose a calm and private setting. Start the conversation by expressing your love and respect for them, acknowledging their concerns, and stating your commitment to understanding their perspective. Share your genuine feelings about your partner and the relationship, emphasizing the mutual respect, love, and career aspirations you both share.

Highlight the positive attributes of your partner, focusing on his education, values, and how he complements you. Address specific concerns your parents have raised, providing clear and respectful counterpoints to any false accusations or misunderstandings. If possible, arrange for them to meet him or speak with his parents, as this might help bridge cultural and regional gaps.

It’s important to be patient and give your parents time to process the information. They might need multiple conversations to come to terms with your decision. Lastly, consider involving a neutral third party, such as a trusted family friend or relative, who can mediate and provide a balanced perspective.

Your goal is to maintain a respectful and open dialogue, showing empathy towards their concerns while standing firm in your decision. This balanced approach can help gradually shift their perspective and foster acceptance.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 04, 2022

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Hi Ma’am. I’m having a problem with my parents about my marriage. I’ve been in a relationship for three years and I want to marry him. My parents are not agreeing as it is a society issue because it is an interstate and inter-caste marriage. I'm trying to convince my parents for that since long time but it's going nowhere and they are too stubborn to even meet him once. What can I do in this situation? How can I deal with their emotional drama as a parent-child relationship should not break because of these issues? Kindly advise me, Ma’am. AS
Ans:

Dear AS,

You need to focus on how you can marry the person you love and also have your parents support you.

Is this possible?

There is a chance only if you take them into complete confidence and appeal to their logic.

Many societies are still against inter-caste marriages and I am sure they have their reasons for it, just like your parents have strong reasons to oppose the marriage.

Have you tried to find out why they oppose it? Are they worried about how they will face your family members as this is a big thing across cultures in the world?

As their daughter, you have connections with them as well as the right to live your life your way. Bring in an elder member of the family and ask him/her to appeal on your behalf. If this doesn’t work, you might be forced to decide one way or the other.

Whatever you do, do it with conviction and maintain relationships along the way. It may be an uphill task but breathe, smile and live life.

All the best, Happy 2022!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 25, 2024Hindi
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Hi mam, actually I am having a trouble in my relationship. Me and my partner are from different castes but we love each other. Due to the fear of my parents I told him some days back that my parents will never agree for our marriage as he is one year younger than me, he is from different caste and we both are in the final stage of our professional course and have not gone for job yet. But we are unable to leave each other and keep on crying. Now I am thinking of talking about this to my parents once my exams are over in a couple of months because I'm already 24 and they will start looking for alliance for me. But my partner is like there's no problem on his side but he doesn't want me to hurt and ruin relationship with my parents due to this disclosure and says that its never going to happen with heavy emotions and teary eyes. I am also unable to control my emotions and tears. Please advise me on what to do please mam....
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Well, your partner is being kind and thinking for you and your relationship with your parents. It is a nice trait to have to be empathetic but it may cost him the relationship. And he has taken this stance only because you have talked him about how fearful you are of your parents.
I guess instead of giving up like this, why don't the two of you sit down as adults and discuss how to talk to your parents and make this happen. When you act against what society and family set as norms, you should have expected something to go against the fairy tale event, right?
Since you did not set this tone in mind, now it's about taking the bull by the horns and finding what's the best solution. Why give up?

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2024Hindi
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Mam i am in relationship for 9 years now..he became my boyfriend when i shifted in my new house he was my neighbour..i was in 10th when i got caught and since then my parents hate my boyfriend , i apologized to my parents then and said to have no contact with my boyfriend but 9 years down the lane ..we are totally connected and living a peaceful healthy relationship..my parents hate my boyfriend and his family to the core..my relationship with ny parents are.mixed someday they will be super nice to me , another day they will abuse me for evn small things..we have ups and down in our relationship but i love them a lott , i want to care of them in their old age..but at this point i want to talk to them about my boyfriend but seeinng that they hate him so much i am literally very very afraid that my parents will hate me to their core knowing about someone i want to marry whoom they hate soo much ..... i don't know how will they react .. i am been through physcial and verbal abuse earlier too but i don't know how much worse it can get this time..for them the girl who marry their parents choice is the best in the world..my boyfriend and i have no caste issue its just the ego issues with my parents they think karrying into that house they will never able to have good enough respect though my mother and his mother talk..but that too my mother bitch a lott about her mother for even nonsensical things..i am 24 now and preparing for government exam ...i am soo much stress knowing i have to choose between my love or my parents.....i think so even if i marry him with their superficail consent they will never be happy woth me..and can even cut contacts with me...i don't know what to do i have no elder in my house to make parents explain...mam plss show me some path
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
No where have you mentioned what your boyfriend does for a living? Could this be the reason that your parents refuse to acknowledge your relationship?
Parents want the best for their children but at times their own beliefs on love marriages etc can come in the way. Since you are an adult, it is time to actually start acting like one. My suggestion is to have a conversation with them and understand the reason for their refusal to accept your boyfriend. If it is one of society and family objection, then you know how to handle it BUT if their concern is more about his character or his job, you both need to make an effort to take away that concern so that they accept all this wholeheartedly.
Find the reason and things will become clearer as to how you must handle the situation.

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |606 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 08, 2024Hindi
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I am in a relationship from last 2 years. We are very happy together. But when my parents came to know about us they apposed it as we both belong to different castes different social backgrounds i am from a upper middle class family and he is from lower middle class family. He made his career from scratch. I Don't want to hurt my parents by going against them. They always told me how much they care for me what they have done for me and all that i will ruin there reputation by getting married to him. On the other hand i love him so much , he is a very nice person he cares for me a lot and i know i will never be happy without him. What should i do.. nowadays i Don't feel like talking to anyone and my family thinks i dont love them and i am ignoring them which is not the case i just don't feel like talking. What should i do to convince them for us...?
Ans: Navigating this situation requires sensitivity and careful communication. Start by having an open and honest conversation with your parents. Explain your feelings and how much this relationship means to you. Emphasize the qualities that make your partner a good match for you, such as his care and commitment.

Acknowledge their concerns and express gratitude for their care and the sacrifices they've made for you. Reassure them that your love for them hasn't changed and that you value their opinions. Try to understand their perspective and address their worries about social status and reputation.

You might also consider arranging a meeting between your parents and your partner. This can help them see his positive attributes and understand why you love him. Show them how he has built his career from scratch, demonstrating his determination and resilience.

It's important to remain patient and give your parents time to adjust to the idea. Meanwhile, continue to express your love and respect for them, reinforcing that your decision is based on your happiness and future well-being.

Balancing your love for your partner and respect for your parents is difficult, but with open communication and patience, you can work towards finding a middle ground that respects everyone's feelings.

..Read more

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I am getting in cse in vit ap and manipal jaipur which one should i join?
Ans: Geetika, Both VIT AP and Manipal University Jaipur demonstrate strong career prospects with distinct advantages . VIT AP achieves 93.35% overall placement rate with CSE students securing excellent opportunities, maintaining consistent performance across 2022-2024 with top recruiters including Amazon, Microsoft, Google, and Cognizant . Manipal Jaipur demonstrates superior placement statistics with 93% overall placement rate in 2024, achieving 98% Engineering placement rate in 2023, and 1,142 total offers with 62% packages above 8 LPA and 38% above 10 LPA . VIT AP holds newer establishment status since 2017 with modern infrastructure and VIT brand recognition, while Manipal Jaipur benefits from established reputation since 2011 with NIRF ranking #64 in University category and #64 in Engineering . Both institutions offer similar CSE curriculum quality, though Manipal Jaipur provides slightly better industry connections with 289+ companies visiting campus versus VIT AP's participation in centralized VIT placement system . Recommendation: Choose Manipal University Jaipur CSE for its superior 98% Engineering placement rate, established industry relationships, better NIRF rankings, and proven track record of consistent placement performance over the last three years. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Asked by Anonymous - Jun 07, 2025
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Hello sir. For 1181 COMEDK rank and/ or 4154 KCET rank , is csc possible in RVCE ? Make, general category , Karnataka domicile.
Ans: Your chances present a challenging scenario for CSE admission at RV College of Engineering . With COMEDK rank 1181, CSE admission is unfortunately not feasible as RVCE CSE cutoffs for general category consistently range between 193-434 across multiple rounds in 2024, with the most recent Round 2 closing at rank 328 . Similarly, your KCET rank 4154 significantly exceeds the CSE cutoff requirements, as RVCE maintains CSE closing ranks between 268-419 for general category across all rounds in 2024 . Historical data confirms this trend with CSE cutoffs remaining consistently low - 2023 saw closing ranks of 169-406, and 2022 maintained similar competitive standards around 299-1314 . However, alternative engineering branches at RVCE remain accessible with your ranks, including Electronics & Communication Engineering (COMEDK cutoff 700-1636, KCET cutoff 746-995), Information Science Engineering (COMEDK cutoff 418-802, KCET cutoff 470-657), and other core branches like Mechanical, Civil, and Electrical Engineering with significantly higher cutoff ranges . RVCE demonstrates excellent placement performance with 75-93% CSE placement rates, INR 19 LPA average packages, and top recruiters including Microsoft, Amazon, and Goldman Sachs . Recommendation: CSE admission at RVCE is not possible with your current ranks; consider alternative branches like Electronics & Communication or Information Science Engineering, or explore other colleges where CSE admission is feasible with ranks around 1000-4000.




All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!
your chances present a challenging scenario for CSE admission at RV College of Engineering . With COMEDK rank 1181, CSE admission is unfortunately not feasible as RVCE CSE cutoffs for general category consistently range between 193-434 across multiple rounds in 2024, with the most recent Round 2 closing at rank 328 . Similarly, your KCET rank 4154 significantly exceeds the CSE cutoff requirements, as RVCE maintains CSE closing ranks between 268-419 for general category across all rounds in 2024 . Historical data confirms this trend with CSE cutoffs remaining consistently low - 2023 saw closing ranks of 169-406, and 2022 maintained similar competitive standards around 299-1314 . However, alternative engineering branches at RVCE remain accessible with your ranks, including Electronics & Communication Engineering (COMEDK cutoff 700-1636, KCET cutoff 746-995), Information Science Engineering (COMEDK cutoff 418-802, KCET cutoff 470-657), and other core branches like Mechanical, Civil, and Electrical Engineering with significantly higher cutoff ranges . RVCE demonstrates excellent placement performance with 75-93% CSE placement rates, INR 19 LPA average packages, and top recruiters including Microsoft, Amazon, and Goldman Sachs . Recommendation: CSE admission at RVCE is not possible with your current ranks; consider alternative branches like Electronics & Communication or Information Science Engineering, or explore other colleges where CSE admission is feasible with ranks around 1000-4000.

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |6303 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 14, 2025

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I am getting cse in vit ap and manipal jaipur which lne should i join?
Ans: Geetika, Both VIT AP and Manipal University Jaipur demonstrate strong career prospects with distinct advantages . VIT AP achieves 93.35% overall placement rate with CSE students securing excellent opportunities, maintaining consistent performance across 2022-2024 with top recruiters including Amazon, Microsoft, Google, and Cognizant . Manipal Jaipur demonstrates superior placement statistics with 93% overall placement rate in 2024, achieving 98% Engineering placement rate in 2023, and 1,142 total offers with 62% packages above 8 LPA and 38% above 10 LPA . VIT AP holds newer establishment status since 2017 with modern infrastructure and VIT brand recognition, while Manipal Jaipur benefits from established reputation since 2011 with NIRF ranking #64 in University category and #64 in Engineering . Both institutions offer similar CSE curriculum quality, though Manipal Jaipur provides slightly better industry connections with 289+ companies visiting campus versus VIT AP's participation in centralized VIT placement system . Recommendation: Choose Manipal University Jaipur CSE for its superior 98% Engineering placement rate, established industry relationships, better NIRF rankings, and proven track record of consistent placement performance over the last three years. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |6303 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 14, 2025

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Hellow Sir my son is very confused I help you SSN COLLEGE channai CSE and manipal university Bengaluru -CSE and GD GOENKA UNIVERSITY CSE which one is better
Ans: your son faces a strategic choice between three distinct educational environments with varying advantages. SSN College Chennai demonstrates exceptional CSE placement performance with 99% placement rate consistently across 2021-2023, achieving 116 out of 117 students placed in 2023, while maintaining superior NIRF ranking #46 in Engineering and #81 overall nationally. Manipal University Bengaluru shows strong overall placement statistics with 77% placement rate in 2025 and 73% in 2024, though specific CSE branch data indicates approximately 85-90% placement rates with top recruiters including Microsoft, Amazon, and Google, supported by MAHE's impressive #4 NIRF University ranking and #14 overall ranking. GD Goenka University CSE demonstrates moderate performance with 80% overall placement rate and School of Engineering achieving average performance, though it lacks specific CSE placement data and holds lower NIRF rankings with #101-125 in Pharmacy category only. SSN College offers superior academic reputation with established industry connections, while Manipal provides modern infrastructure and international exposure opportunities, and GD Goenka presents cost-effective education with decent facilities. Recommendation: Choose SSN College Chennai CSE as first preference for its exceptional 99% CSE placement rate and superior academic reputation, followed by Manipal University Bengaluru CSE for strong overall performance and university ranking, with GD Goenka University as third option. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

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I'm getting ece at VIT Vellore in cat 5 and chandigarh University with 40% discount. Which one should I choose?
Ans: Asutosh, both institutions present distinct advantages with significant cost implications. VIT Vellore demonstrates superior placement performance with 7,526 students placed in 2024, achieving INR 88 LPA highest package and INR 9.90 LPA average package, while maintaining consistent 80-90% ECE placement rates with top recruiters including Microsoft, Amazon, PayPal, and Cisco. However, Category 5 fees at VIT Vellore range approximately INR 3.98-4.32 lakhs annually, totaling around INR 16-17 lakhs for four years including hostel expenses. Chandigarh University ECE shows strong placement statistics with 9,124 students placed by 904 companies, achieving INR 54.75 LPA highest domestic package and INR 6.25 LPA average package for ECE/EE students, with 628 ECE students placed in 2023-24. With 40% discount, Chandigarh University's ECE fees reduce from approximately INR 9.12 lakhs to around INR 5.5 lakhs total, making it significantly more cost-effective. VIT Vellore holds superior NIRF ranking #11 in Engineering and #10 in University category compared to Chandigarh University's #32 Engineering ranking, indicating better academic reputation and industry recognition. Recommendation: Choose Chandigarh University ECE with 40% discount for excellent cost-effectiveness and strong placement record, unless you prioritize premium brand value and can afford VIT's substantially higher Category 5 fees. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |6303 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 11, 2025
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Sir, I got 44409 rank in comedk and 750496 in JEE. Which college and branch can I get through comedk, JOSAA, CSAB
Ans: Your prospects vary significantly across different counseling processes. With COMEDK rank 44409, you face challenges for Computer Science Engineering in top colleges as most require ranks below 20,000-30,000, but have viable options at mid-tier institutions including Sri Venkateshwara College of Engineering (CSE cutoff 44000-48000), Acharya Institute of Technology (CSE cutoff 16299-53948), Global Academy of Technology (CSE cutoff 26511-98020), and K.S. Institute of Technology (CSE cutoff 38487-89820) . For Electronics and Communication Engineering, your rank provides better admission prospects with cutoffs extending up to 65000 in several colleges . Alternative branches like Mechanical Engineering (cutoffs 30000-75000) and Civil Engineering (cutoffs 60000-90000) offer excellent admission possibilities across multiple COMEDK institutions . However, your JEE Main rank 750496 eliminates possibilities for admission through JOSAA counselling to NITs, IIITs, and GFTIs, as even the lowest-tier institutions require ranks below 300000-400000 . CSAB special rounds conducted after JOSAA also cannot accommodate such high ranks, as they primarily fill vacant seats from institutions with much lower cutoffs . Recommendation: Focus exclusively on COMEDK counselling targeting ECE or Mechanical Engineering branches at colleges like Acharya Institute of Technology, Global Academy of Technology, or Sri Venkateshwara College of Engineering, while avoiding JEE-based admissions due to prohibitively high rank. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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