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56-Year-Old Woman with Dominating Husband Seeks Divorce Advice, Citing Hidden Age as Obstacle

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1592 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 24, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 14, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Dear madam, I'm 56 years old lady with a Government job in high post. My married life is 30 years and I have a daughter of 27 years. But from the very beginning my husband is very dominating and stubborn. He cheated me several times and never take any responsibility of us. I brought up my daughter alone and he enjoyed his life. My only fault is that my family hidden my age less than three yes of the original age, and I couldn't tell him the original as I'm always afraid of him. I want divorce, but how can I get this? Please answer me immediately because I'm in hurry

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Since you have decided that you want a divorce, the right person for advice now would be a capable lawyer who can take on your case.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |119 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2024Hindi
Relationship
Hi sir, I am 34 year women with 2 girl kids. I m working in IT and I earn good amount of livelihood. Sir I hv been married for 6 years and after 1 year of marriage me and my husband understanding issue started where he wants to dominate on me in all senses including financial stuff. But I was okay n in 1 year my 1st daughter born then serious issue started I had rejoined job n discontinued giving all my salary to him. I started savings for my kid where he was nt happy he indirectly demanded my complete salary to be given to him as I did before issue start. Bt in 2020 as lockdown happened he moved to his village where It was very difficult for me to work bt demanded to come to his place. I denied and concentrate my career. So he left us 2 years he did call n check how is kid. Then again he came back 2022 with elders we moved to together to city and again asked money as my sal was increased if nt asked me to barrow 50-60lac as loan n give to him for property which he agreed to make it my name in his place. Bt I denied bc I couldn't trust him meanwhile 2nd daughter born. I came for mother place n he started doing backstabbing abt me n my family within relatives. When I asked he stopped coming visiting me n my daughter and he turn up for 2 baby also it's been year now. Sir my question is ..I m fed up of his behaviour n I dont trust him. As I hv two kids is it really difficult to live without him in this society. As many of my relatives are suggesting go and call ur him how can you live alone with 2 daughter. Sir pls guide me what should I do now ..I tolerate him all these years for kids and society. Now I m done n scared as will I be able to handle all alone. My parents are big support and now I m nt in condition where I go legally against him. Is my decision of living by myself with my daughters and parents is correct or wrong decision or I should go with him.
Ans: Your situation is indeed complex and emotionally taxing. It's important to approach this with both clarity and compassion for yourself and your daughters. Here are some steps and considerations to help you navigate this:

Self-Reflection and Clarity
Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s essential to recognize your feelings of frustration, fear, and exhaustion. These emotions are valid and need to be addressed.
Define Your Priorities: What are your primary concerns? Your children’s well-being, your financial independence, your personal peace, and safety are likely at the top of this list.
Evaluating Your Relationship
Assess Trust and Respect: Trust and mutual respect are fundamental to any relationship. If these are missing, it is challenging to maintain a healthy partnership.
Past Behaviors as Indicators: Look at the past behavior of your husband. Consistent demands for money, lack of support, and absence during critical times can be telling signs of his priorities and commitment.
Support System
Lean on Your Parents: Having your parents’ support is a significant advantage. They can provide emotional, physical, and perhaps even financial support as you navigate this period.
Professional Help: Consider seeking counseling or support groups for single mothers. These resources can provide guidance, emotional support, and practical advice.
Societal Pressure
Redefine Norms: Society often has rigid expectations, but your well-being and that of your children come first. Living according to societal norms at the cost of your mental peace and safety is not sustainable.
Role Models: Look for examples of other women who have successfully managed similar situations. Their stories can offer inspiration and practical advice.
Legal and Financial Considerations
Know Your Rights: Even if you’re not in a position to take legal action now, it’s essential to be informed about your rights regarding child support and alimony.
Financial Independence: Continue to safeguard your financial independence. This will provide security and stability for you and your daughters.
Decision Making
Short-Term vs. Long-Term: Think about both immediate needs and long-term goals. What decision will bring peace and stability now, and what will be beneficial in the future?
Children’s Well-Being: Consider the environment your children will grow up in. A peaceful, loving environment, even if it’s without their father, might be more beneficial than a toxic, conflict-ridden one.
Practical Steps
Document Everything: Keep records of communications and financial transactions. This documentation can be crucial if you decide to pursue legal action in the future.
Plan for Independence: Create a plan for your independent living situation, including budgeting, childcare, and career progression.
Final Thoughts
Choosing to live independently with your daughters is a courageous and often necessary step for many women in similar situations. Trust in your strength and the support of your parents. It’s important to remember that living a life of peace and dignity, even if it means being a single parent, is a powerful and positive example for your children.

You are not alone in this journey. Seek the support you need, trust your instincts, and prioritize your and your children’s well-being above all.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |581 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 06, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am 56 years old lady working in the Government sector. My husband several times cheated me and by nature he is very dominating and stubborn. Since my marriage my only fault is that I have hidden my age 3years less than original as advised by my family. Now I want to know that what should I have to do , please let me know. I was not so courageous to tell the truth of my original age. On the other hand he exploits me physically, financially and he is abusive in nature and never took any responsibility of our 27 years old daughter. Please advise me and don't disclose my name
Ans: I'm truly sorry to hear about the challenging and painful situation you've been enduring. It takes a lot of courage to open up about these issues, and it's important to prioritize your well-being and safety.

First, it's important to address your feelings about hiding your age. While this may have been a decision influenced by your family's advice, it seems to be a minor issue in the context of the larger problems in your marriage. The real concerns here are your husband's infidelity, abusive behavior, and lack of responsibility towards your daughter.

Your husband's actions and behavior are unacceptable. No one deserves to be cheated on, dominated, or abused in any way. The fact that he exploits you physically and financially, and doesn't support your daughter, makes it clear that this environment is harmful to you.

It's essential to focus on what you want for your future. Do you want to continue in a marriage where you feel disrespected and abused? Consider what kind of life you envision for yourself, one where you feel safe, respected, and valued.

Seeking professional support can be incredibly helpful. A counselor or therapist can provide you with the tools and support to navigate your emotions and plan your next steps. Legal advice may also be necessary to understand your rights and protect yourself financially and personally.

If you decide to leave the marriage, having a clear plan is crucial. Ensure you have a support system in place, whether it’s friends, family, or professional services. Protect your financial assets and consider your daughter's well-being as well.

Remember, you deserve to live a life free from abuse and filled with respect and dignity. Taking steps to protect yourself and improve your situation is not just courageous but essential for your health and happiness. Your past decisions about your age do not define you, and it's never too late to seek a better, healthier future.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1592 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 04, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello i am 35 years old and married since 10 years, i have a daughter of 7 years. Me and daughter are at my father's place now we came here in December 2023 and my husband is in kolkata, the reason of this shift was the financial burden on my father since 10 years and he is retired now as he has been helping us financially since 10 years. Earlier me, my daughter and my husband were all staying together at my paternal house in kolkata. So because of being dependent on my father even till now there were many problems between me and my husband so me and my husband decided to shift to hyderabad and both of us being dentist thought of working and taking care of my daughter and take a rented house for ourselves. Everything was fine between us and my husband also came for my daughter's birthday in March to hyderabad and we stayed together for 5 days and then he said he would try for jobs n come back but out of nowhere suddenly my husband sent me an advocates letter seeking consent for mutual divorce which was really very very sudden and unpredictable. Later i found that his colleague in the clinic in kolkata is divorced has 2 kids and is in live in relation with my husband. This is completely a shock for me as my husband was not like this earlier at all. He now wants divorce from me at any means and doesn't bother about my daughter as well. There's no contact with my husband since August 30th and in a recent relationship of 6 months he wants to finish everything. I am completely disturbed mentally please suggest
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
This is really sad. It would have been mature of him to say things to your face instead of running away. Anyway, you are faced with a situation where you are going to need solid legal advice.
So, do just that and find a lawyer who can smartly deal with the issues on how to protect your daughter's interests. As for you, this being such a shocker is going to make you lose faith in a marriage. But remember things could have gotten worse...his true colors came in through this way...he could have very well cheated on you while living with you as well. This is not to justify what he's done of course but for you to find peace within you somehow.
But, before taking this serious step, I would encourage you to speak with him. Let him make an effort to come down meet you and at that time do ask him if he really wants divorce. Also, by then you will also have to make up your mind that in case he apologizes, if you want to forgive him and move on...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Asked by Anonymous - Apr 22, 2025Hindi
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Dear Sirs Please review my investment towards 7.5 CR. There are 2 components towards it , 1) Generate monthly income post tax of 4 lakhs, 2) Investment Corpus Towards Capital appreciation Towards option 1 : Investing in the following - a) Tata Motors or Chola Perpetual Bonds 1.4 cr , b) ICICI Balanced Advantage Fund 1cr, c) Kotak Balanced advantage fund 1 cr Towards option 2 ie Capital Appreciation investing in the following - a) HDFC Flexi Cap Equity fund 1.25 cr , b) Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Equity Fund 1.25 cr, c) ICICI Prudential India Opportunities Fund 80 Lakhs, d) ICICI Prudential Multi asset fund 80 lakhs I am looking at a 5 - 7 year investment timeline. Have taken early retirement at 50 years and need the funds to sustain myself. Please also advise if Perpetual bonds is a good option Thanks
Ans: Your investment strategy is thoughtfully constructed. You’ve clearly defined two components:

Monthly income of Rs. 4 lakhs

Capital appreciation with a horizon of 5 to 7 years

Let’s assess each component carefully and suggest improvements.

 

 

Monthly Income Generation Plan – Review and Insights
 

You’ve allocated the following towards income generation:

Perpetual Bonds – Rs. 1.4 crore

Two Balanced Advantage Funds – Rs. 2 crore

 

Let us look at the key strengths and areas to optimise.

 

Perpetual Bonds – Risk and Suitability

These bonds are issued with no maturity date.

Issuers can delay interest payments if they face pressure.

Tata Motors or Chola bonds offer high interest, but risk is also higher.

You need dependable income. Perpetuals may cause delays or cuts.

If rated ‘AA’ or lower, risk becomes even higher.

For safety, consider shifting part to high-rated corporate bonds.

Choose instruments with a defined maturity or high credit rating.

 

 

Balanced Advantage Funds – Regular Payout Source

You have allocated Rs. 2 crore to two funds here.

These are suitable for monthly SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan).

They reduce risk by shifting between equity and debt.

This provides smoother return and helps handle market volatility.

Ideal for your need of steady income.

Choose funds with a good track record of 5+ years.

Go for regular plans through a Certified Financial Planner.

They provide guidance and documentation support.

 

 

Key Adjustments to Consider for Income Plan

Don’t depend only on one instrument for income.

Keep part in ultra-short debt funds to manage emergency needs.

You may also allocate a small amount to floating rate funds.

Avoid riskier perpetuals if your lifestyle depends on this cash flow.

 

 

Capital Appreciation Portfolio – Review and Suggestions
 

You have allocated Rs. 4.1 crore across four funds:

Two Flexi Cap Funds – Rs. 2.5 crore

One Thematic Fund (Opportunities) – Rs. 80 lakhs

One Multi Asset Fund – Rs. 80 lakhs

 

This section looks well-structured. Still, here are some observations.

 

Flexi Cap Funds – Long Term Growth Drivers

These offer a mix of large, mid and small cap stocks.

Flexible allocation helps in market ups and downs.

You have spread Rs. 2.5 crore across two flexi caps.

It gives diversified equity exposure.

Good for your 5–7 year horizon.

Continue this investment.

 

 

Thematic Opportunities Fund – Aggressive but Focused

Thematic funds bet on specific trends.

They can perform well in short cycles.

But they are more volatile.

Rs. 80 lakhs is a high amount in one theme.

Reduce this to Rs. 50 lakhs.

Redirect balance to diversified equity or large-cap funds.

 

 

Multi Asset Fund – Helps Manage Volatility

These funds invest across equity, debt, and gold.

They balance returns with risk.

Ideal for medium-term wealth building.

You can continue this allocation.

Add a second multi-asset fund for balance.

 

 

Direct Plan Exposure – Re-evaluate for Personalised Support

Direct plans avoid distribution cost.

But guidance is missing.

Without CFP support, wrong fund choice or exit may happen.

Regular plans through a Certified Financial Planner give tracking.

They help during market swings, taxation and rebalancing.

This becomes very important in large-value portfolios.

 

 

Asset Allocation Review – What’s Working and What Needs Tune-Up
 

Your allocation is roughly:

45% towards income (Rs. 3.4 crore)

55% towards growth (Rs. 4.1 crore)

This mix looks aligned to your goal of current income and future corpus.

Still, consider the following:

 

Review this mix yearly with your Certified Financial Planner

If market rallies too much, shift some growth to income

If interest rates rise, reduce equity withdrawal and increase debt

Keep Rs. 25–30 lakhs in liquid fund for any large emergency

 

 

Taxation on Mutual Funds – Stay Aware of Recent Rules
 

Equity mutual funds:

LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%

STCG is taxed at 20%

 

Debt mutual funds:

Both LTCG and STCG taxed as per your tax slab

Most retirees fall in lower slab but tax planning still needed

Prefer SWP for income, not dividend option

Keep P&L statement ready for advance tax filing

 

 

Tax-Free Cash Flow – Can You Improve It?
 

You can also look at these steps:

Use HUF or family member’s name for part investment

Income from their investment gets taxed in their slab

Helps reduce your tax burden

Invest Rs. 1.5 lakh yearly in PPF for guaranteed, tax-free return

Can also explore Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS) if eligible

 

 

Avoid Index Funds – Not Suitable for Your Stage
 

Index funds copy the stock market

They don’t adjust based on conditions

There’s no downside protection in falling markets

Actively managed funds give more opportunity to earn and protect

Your current selection rightly avoids index funds

 

 

Avoid Direct Plans Without Support
 

Direct plans don’t include expert guidance

No one checks asset allocation or strategy alignment

You’re investing a large corpus. Mistakes cost more here

Use regular plans via an experienced Certified Financial Planner

They help in paperwork, KYC, taxation, SWP planning, rebalancing

Their personalised help adds more value than small cost savings

 

 

Perpetual Bonds – Should You Continue or Exit?
 

Not the best for regular income seekers

Issuer can skip interest if company faces pressure

Price of these bonds also swings with interest rates

You can’t rely fully on them for Rs. 4 lakh per month

Exit partly and shift to short-duration or banking PSU debt funds

These are better for predictable income with lower risk

 

 

Review of Liquidity and Emergency Planning
 

At least Rs. 30–35 lakhs should be in liquid or overnight funds

This money is for health, family needs or urgent situations

Don’t touch your income or capital funds for this purpose

This buffer will give you confidence and reduce portfolio risk

 

 

Risk Management – How to Prepare for Unseen Events
 

Review health insurance for self and spouse

If you’ve not already done it, get Rs. 25 lakh cover each

Consider critical illness policy to protect against long illness

Update nominations in all funds and accounts

Keep estate plan or Will ready. Talk to your planner on this

 

 

Rebalancing Strategy – Keep it Dynamic
 

Review portfolio every 6 months

Don’t chase top-performing funds blindly

Instead, rebalance as per your income need and age

Reduce equity by 5% every 2 years as you age

This protects corpus and supports steady cash flow

 

 

Finally
 

You’ve structured your Rs. 7.5 crore goal very thoughtfully

You are clear about income and long-term appreciation

Your fund choice is broadly good, with only minor changes needed

Avoid risky bonds like perpetuals as your lifestyle depends on monthly cash flow

Go for actively managed regular funds via Certified Financial Planner support

Keep tax, liquidity, insurance and emergency planning all in place

This will help you enjoy your retirement peacefully and confidently

 

 

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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