56-Year-Old Woman with Dominating Husband Seeks Divorce Advice, Citing Hidden Age as Obstacle

Ans: Dear Siuli,
Talk to a lawyer who will guide you on the separation process; also he/she will draft the terms and conditions keeping in mind that you are dependent financially on your husband and how he will provide for you and your daughter.
Be strong through all of this and slowly start thinking about yourself and how you will lead a life by yourself.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Ans: Your situation is indeed complex and emotionally taxing. It's important to approach this with both clarity and compassion for yourself and your daughters. Here are some steps and considerations to help you navigate this:

Self-Reflection and Clarity
Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s essential to recognize your feelings of frustration, fear, and exhaustion. These emotions are valid and need to be addressed.
Define Your Priorities: What are your primary concerns? Your children’s well-being, your financial independence, your personal peace, and safety are likely at the top of this list.
Evaluating Your Relationship
Assess Trust and Respect: Trust and mutual respect are fundamental to any relationship. If these are missing, it is challenging to maintain a healthy partnership.
Past Behaviors as Indicators: Look at the past behavior of your husband. Consistent demands for money, lack of support, and absence during critical times can be telling signs of his priorities and commitment.
Support System
Lean on Your Parents: Having your parents’ support is a significant advantage. They can provide emotional, physical, and perhaps even financial support as you navigate this period.
Professional Help: Consider seeking counseling or support groups for single mothers. These resources can provide guidance, emotional support, and practical advice.
Societal Pressure
Redefine Norms: Society often has rigid expectations, but your well-being and that of your children come first. Living according to societal norms at the cost of your mental peace and safety is not sustainable.
Role Models: Look for examples of other women who have successfully managed similar situations. Their stories can offer inspiration and practical advice.
Legal and Financial Considerations
Know Your Rights: Even if you’re not in a position to take legal action now, it’s essential to be informed about your rights regarding child support and alimony.
Financial Independence: Continue to safeguard your financial independence. This will provide security and stability for you and your daughters.
Decision Making
Short-Term vs. Long-Term: Think about both immediate needs and long-term goals. What decision will bring peace and stability now, and what will be beneficial in the future?
Children’s Well-Being: Consider the environment your children will grow up in. A peaceful, loving environment, even if it’s without their father, might be more beneficial than a toxic, conflict-ridden one.
Practical Steps
Document Everything: Keep records of communications and financial transactions. This documentation can be crucial if you decide to pursue legal action in the future.
Plan for Independence: Create a plan for your independent living situation, including budgeting, childcare, and career progression.
Final Thoughts
Choosing to live independently with your daughters is a courageous and often necessary step for many women in similar situations. Trust in your strength and the support of your parents. It’s important to remember that living a life of peace and dignity, even if it means being a single parent, is a powerful and positive example for your children.

You are not alone in this journey. Seek the support you need, trust your instincts, and prioritize your and your children’s well-being above all.

Ans: I'm truly sorry to hear about the challenging and painful situation you've been enduring. It takes a lot of courage to open up about these issues, and it's important to prioritize your well-being and safety.

First, it's important to address your feelings about hiding your age. While this may have been a decision influenced by your family's advice, it seems to be a minor issue in the context of the larger problems in your marriage. The real concerns here are your husband's infidelity, abusive behavior, and lack of responsibility towards your daughter.

Your husband's actions and behavior are unacceptable. No one deserves to be cheated on, dominated, or abused in any way. The fact that he exploits you physically and financially, and doesn't support your daughter, makes it clear that this environment is harmful to you.

It's essential to focus on what you want for your future. Do you want to continue in a marriage where you feel disrespected and abused? Consider what kind of life you envision for yourself, one where you feel safe, respected, and valued.

Seeking professional support can be incredibly helpful. A counselor or therapist can provide you with the tools and support to navigate your emotions and plan your next steps. Legal advice may also be necessary to understand your rights and protect yourself financially and personally.

If you decide to leave the marriage, having a clear plan is crucial. Ensure you have a support system in place, whether it’s friends, family, or professional services. Protect your financial assets and consider your daughter's well-being as well.

Remember, you deserve to live a life free from abuse and filled with respect and dignity. Taking steps to protect yourself and improve your situation is not just courageous but essential for your health and happiness. Your past decisions about your age do not define you, and it's never too late to seek a better, healthier future.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
This is really sad. It would have been mature of him to say things to your face instead of running away. Anyway, you are faced with a situation where you are going to need solid legal advice.
So, do just that and find a lawyer who can smartly deal with the issues on how to protect your daughter's interests. As for you, this being such a shocker is going to make you lose faith in a marriage. But remember things could have gotten worse...his true colors came in through this way...he could have very well cheated on you while living with you as well. This is not to justify what he's done of course but for you to find peace within you somehow.
But, before taking this serious step, I would encourage you to speak with him. Let him make an effort to come down meet you and at that time do ask him if he really wants divorce. Also, by then you will also have to make up your mind that in case he apologizes, if you want to forgive him and move on...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/