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56-Year-Old Woman Seeking Advice After Years of Abuse, Deception, and Exploitation

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |403 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 23, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 06, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I am 56 years old lady working in the Government sector. My husband several times cheated me and by nature he is very dominating and stubborn. Since my marriage my only fault is that I have hidden my age 3years less than original as advised by my family. Now I want to know that what should I have to do , please let me know. I was not so courageous to tell the truth of my original age. On the other hand he exploits me physically, financially and he is abusive in nature and never took any responsibility of our 27 years old daughter. Please advise me and don't disclose my name

Ans: I'm truly sorry to hear about the challenging and painful situation you've been enduring. It takes a lot of courage to open up about these issues, and it's important to prioritize your well-being and safety.

First, it's important to address your feelings about hiding your age. While this may have been a decision influenced by your family's advice, it seems to be a minor issue in the context of the larger problems in your marriage. The real concerns here are your husband's infidelity, abusive behavior, and lack of responsibility towards your daughter.

Your husband's actions and behavior are unacceptable. No one deserves to be cheated on, dominated, or abused in any way. The fact that he exploits you physically and financially, and doesn't support your daughter, makes it clear that this environment is harmful to you.

It's essential to focus on what you want for your future. Do you want to continue in a marriage where you feel disrespected and abused? Consider what kind of life you envision for yourself, one where you feel safe, respected, and valued.

Seeking professional support can be incredibly helpful. A counselor or therapist can provide you with the tools and support to navigate your emotions and plan your next steps. Legal advice may also be necessary to understand your rights and protect yourself financially and personally.

If you decide to leave the marriage, having a clear plan is crucial. Ensure you have a support system in place, whether it’s friends, family, or professional services. Protect your financial assets and consider your daughter's well-being as well.

Remember, you deserve to live a life free from abuse and filled with respect and dignity. Taking steps to protect yourself and improve your situation is not just courageous but essential for your health and happiness. Your past decisions about your age do not define you, and it's never too late to seek a better, healthier future.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1303 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 11, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
I am 57year old and married for 32yearmy husband always assassination my character through out life also beaten me in these years in 2012i went to my mother house when I get my ear drum puncture and right eye double vision he came to my mother house to reconcile with his sister again I went with him and he started the same .I have two daughters both are married and younger one is going to Divo rce his husband in couple of months now again I went to my daughter house when he beaten me in August 2023 now what should I do I should go back to him or stay with my daughter as I have no one to look after
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Physical violence must never be tolerated!
Tolerating is actually encouraging him to do it yet again...
For a reason, you decided to leave him and stay at your mother's place...what made you go back to the same person and the horrible abuse?
I don't have details on your financial state for me to be able to give you a concrete suggestion. Kindly start taking charge of your life; if it means you have to stand on your feet, it's never too late...Home-run small businesses are thriving especially during and post-pandemic. Once you feel confident with your independence, you will be able to stand up for yourself in front of your husband. Today, he possibly knows that no matter what you will run back to him and that gives him the power to mistreat you.

Should you go back to him; that is a question I want you to ask yourself multiple times? The very fact that you ask this to me, a complete stranger surely means you are reaching out for help out of your misery and actually know what to do...Don't fear...Do what is right by you and for you!

All the best!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |403 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 16, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I got married three months ago, during courtship period my ex was in my office but then my marriage wasn't fixed properly ,when it got yeses from both the side I changed my office,but I couldn't tell this to my husband and also I lied about my virginity,he was also not virgin and after marriage I confessed all this ,now he is not forgiving me for my dishonesty and not letting me come home also he abuse me verbally ,slapped me..I also feel like cheated for not letting me know this side of him before marriage..How should I go ahead?
Ans: I'm truly sorry to hear about the difficulties you're facing in your new marriage. It's concerning to hear that you're experiencing verbal abuse and physical violence from your husband. No one deserves to be treated this way, and it's important to prioritize your safety and well-being.

First and foremost, if you are in immediate danger or feel unsafe, please reach out to local authorities or a trusted friend or family member for support. Your safety is paramount.

In terms of next steps, it's essential to seek support and assistance from professionals who can help you navigate this situation. Consider reaching out to a therapist or counselor who specializes in relationships and domestic violence. They can provide you with guidance, support, and resources to help you make informed decisions about your next steps.

Additionally, you may want to consider reaching out to organizations or hotlines that specialize in supporting individuals experiencing domestic violence. They can offer confidential support, safety planning, and resources to help you leave the abusive situation and rebuild your life.

It's also crucial to recognize that you are not responsible for your husband's abusive behavior, and you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect in your marriage. If your husband is unwilling to seek help or change his behavior, it may be necessary to consider your options for leaving the relationship to ensure your safety and well-being.

Leaving an abusive relationship can be challenging, but you don't have to face it alone. There are people and resources available to support you every step of the way. Please prioritize your safety and take steps to protect yourself from further harm. You deserve to live a life free from abuse and violence.

..Read more

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |3910 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Nov 18, 2024

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Career
my son is 8 year old studying in Class 3 . The classes occus is in morning shift from 6.30 am to 1.30 PM . after comming from the scholl he tired and not able to study in night . plz suggest the Correct time table for the second shift school child so that we can manage his tiredness and keep improving him in balanced way.
Ans: Priya Madam,

You have not provided information regarding the number of hours your son sleeps.

(1) Given that your son is only 8 years old, it is important to ensure he gets a minimum of 8 hours of sleep at night and 2 hours in the afternoon. Sleeping hours can be reduced once he enters the 6th Standard.

(2) Ensure he receives a balanced diet and nutritious food to sustain his energy levels. (3) Encourage him to maintain regular water intake to prevent dehydration. (4) Facilitate opportunities for him to take regular breaks and engage in play. (5) A 3rd standard student can't study for extended periods. He should study for 25 to 30 minutes, followed by a 10 to 15-minute break after each 25-minute study session.

(6) I am providing this information for general awareness. Parents should refrain from physically assaulting their children to achieve compliance, as this can undermine their self-confidence. (7) They should engage in more polite and loving communication with the children. (8) Children frequently observe their parents and tend to emulate their actions. Ensure that the environment at home is tranquil. (9) Addiction to electronic gadgets may also result in fatigue. (10) Regarding the Study Planner, it has been previously stated that regardless of whether he studies in the morning or evening, he should engage in study sessions of 25 minutes followed by a 10-minute break after each session. He will not experience fatigue, and the output will be increased. Hope, this answer will help you, Madam.

All the BEST for Your Prosperous Son's Future.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |420 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 18, 2024

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7047 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 18, 2024

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Money
Hello Sir, My question - Male, Age is 29, Salary of Rs. 22000/- p.m., my expenses 6-8k p.m. (Approx), Current Investments: Mutual Funds 2k monthly, 3k RD monthly for 3 Yrs, what is suitable Health/Life/Term Insurance? ROI option for same? or Other Investment options? I have my father who got his pension & he manages our household Expenses.
Ans: You are 29 years old, with a stable monthly salary of Rs 22,000 and low monthly expenses of Rs 6,000–8,000. Your father’s pension covers household needs, giving you flexibility for investments. Current savings of Rs 5,000 per month (Rs 2,000 in mutual funds and Rs 3,000 in a recurring deposit) is a good start.

Priorities and Recommendations
1. Health Insurance
Health insurance is crucial to safeguard against medical emergencies.

Coverage for Self: Opt for an individual health insurance policy with a sum insured of Rs 5–10 lakh. Look for plans offering cashless treatment, comprehensive coverage, and no claim bonus.

Coverage for Family: If you wish to extend coverage for your parents, consider a family floater plan with Rs 10–15 lakh coverage. However, check premiums and benefits before including senior members.

2. Life Insurance
Term Insurance: A term plan is the most cost-effective option. Choose coverage of Rs 50 lakh to Rs 1 crore to secure your family financially. Premiums for a non-smoker male at your age are low (approximately Rs 5,000–7,000 annually for Rs 1 crore coverage).

Avoid investment-linked insurance policies such as ULIPs or endowment plans, as they offer low returns and inadequate insurance coverage.

3. Building an Emergency Fund
Save at least 6–9 months of expenses in a highly liquid instrument like a savings account, short-term fixed deposit, or liquid mutual fund.
Given your expenses of Rs 6,000–8,000, aim for Rs 50,000–70,000 as an emergency fund.
4. Investment Strategy for Growth
You have significant surplus income after meeting expenses. Allocate it to high-growth investment instruments:

Increase Mutual Fund SIPs:

Increase SIPs to Rs 5,000–6,000 monthly.
Diversify across flexi-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds for long-term growth. Suggested categories include:
Flexi-Cap Fund: For diversification.
Mid-Cap Fund: For higher returns over a long horizon.
Small-Cap Fund: Allocate a smaller percentage (10–15%) for aggressive growth.
Recurring Deposit (RD):

RD is low-yield and taxed. Consider redirecting RD savings into mutual funds or a Public Provident Fund (PPF) for better long-term returns and tax benefits.
Public Provident Fund (PPF):

Invest in PPF for a secure, tax-free return (current rate: 7.1%). It’s an excellent long-term savings tool, especially for retirement.
5. Tax Planning
Leverage Section 80C: Maximise Rs 1.5 lakh yearly investment in tax-saving instruments like PPF, ELSS mutual funds, or 5-year tax-saving fixed deposits.

Opt for a health insurance policy to claim benefits under Section 80D (up to Rs 25,000 for self and Rs 50,000 for senior parents).

Suggested Allocation of Rs 10,000 Monthly Surplus
Mutual Funds: Rs 5,000
PPF: Rs 2,500
Emergency Fund: Rs 2,000 (till the fund reaches Rs 50,000–70,000, then redirect to other investments)
Health Insurance Premium: Rs 500–1,000
Final Insights
Prioritise health and term insurance immediately.
Focus on mutual funds and PPF for long-term wealth creation.
Avoid low-ROI options like recurring deposits once current tenure ends.
By maintaining discipline and increasing investment amounts annually, you can achieve financial independence while ensuring your family is protected.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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