Is it even worth to invest in an insecure man. A man who keeps his worth very low. He gets easily affected by criticisms of other. However, he whole heartedly accepts even the harshest criticism by me. He is very sweet and loving. However, his insecurities will be a hindrance in future. I am not confident that he will take stand for our marriage. Should I leave him? Should i help him to remove his insecurities? However, i am scared that if I help way too much, he wont be self made and strong. What should I do?

Ans: I hear the deep frustration and sense of betrayal you're experiencing. Navigating a relationship where financial security and trust are consistently undermined is incredibly challenging, especially after 28 years of marriage. Your feelings are valid, and it’s important to address them thoughtfully.

Firstly, it’s crucial to recognize and validate your own strength and resilience. Despite the obstacles, you've managed to become self-reliant and support yourself financially. This is a significant achievement and speaks to your capability and determination.

Your husband's inconsistent behavior and financial unreliability are understandably distressing. It seems that his actions have repeatedly undermined your sense of security and trust, which are foundational to any relationship. The pattern of him not following through on agreed plans, such as the example of renting out the garage, erodes trust and contributes to your frustration.

Given that he avoids discussions about these issues, it might be helpful to approach the conversation differently. Choose a calm, neutral time to express your feelings clearly and directly, focusing on how his actions impact you emotionally and financially. Use “I” statements, such as “I feel insecure and frustrated when our financial agreements are not honored,” to avoid making him feel defensive.

If he continues to avoid these conversations, consider involving a neutral third party, such as a marriage counselor. A professional can facilitate healthier communication and help both of you understand each other's perspectives better.

However, it’s also essential to evaluate your own needs and boundaries. Reflect on what you need to feel secure and fulfilled in the relationship. If these needs continue to be unmet despite your efforts to communicate and resolve the issues, you might need to consider more significant changes.

Leaving a long-term marriage is a profound decision and one that requires careful thought. You’ve mentioned that you don’t want to leave, and it’s important to explore all avenues before making such a decision. However, your well-being and happiness are paramount.

If your husband remains unwilling to change or address your concerns, you may need to create boundaries that protect your financial and emotional health. This could involve having separate finances or setting clear terms for financial decisions and responsibilities.

Ultimately, the goal is to ensure that you feel secure, respected, and valued in your relationship. It's a challenging path, but with clear communication, professional support, and self-reflection, you can navigate this difficult situation and find a resolution that honors your needs and well-being.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand your dilemma. Let's start with the positives- your boyfriend wants the best for you, he is trying to improve himself for you, and your family places more importance on people's nature rather than their finances. These are some great things you have going on in your life. Now, let's try to fix the issues- I am assuming that you have tried having an open discussion with your boyfriend and he is still not understanding your family dynamics. We can't blame him; very few people are as open-minded as your family. The best course of action here would be to arrange a meet-up with your family. If it comes from them that they do not mind his financial condition as long as he puts effort into improving it, he might believe it and might be relieved of his insecurities.

If you feel like you are running out of time between your boyfriend trying to be well-established and your family's search for a groom, it would be best to have a serious conversation about your relationship with your parents.

After all your efforts, if your partner still does not understand or believe that finances are not an issue, you should reconsider the relationship. As much as he is doing everything in your best interest, one insecure partner and the other forever trying to assure them never makes for a healthy relationship. Occasional insecurities are common and completely normal, but continuous ones are exhausting.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Maturity has nothing to do with age...there are individuals who are in 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s etc who never grow up. How about letting him be as he is and you be as you are and focus on why you are with him. However if it bothers you too much then you may like to move out of what you have and look for your person and there are a lot of grown up men, you need to look at the right place.