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Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand your concerns and they are absolutely valid. Have you communicated these worries with your partner? I mean, does he know how much this is bothering you? If not, I would suggest you start there. Open up to him. Let him know that his not telling his parents about you raises a lot of questions in your mind. He should understand that you are a person with dreams and desires and also a mom with responsibilities. If his intentions are to continue dating you, and that is not what you want, he should clear it out right now, before it's too late. It's important for couples to be on the same page when it comes to relationship goals.

Talk to him. I am sure you will get a lot of clarity.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I can't help you get her back, but I can help you understand boundaries. If she is saying she is not interested, the only clear conclusion from that statement is that "she is not interested." A no is a no. It does not mean "Convince me some more and I will change my mind." I am sure you are a great person and you will find someone amazing who is actually interested in you, but this woman is not the one. And what you are doing is not right. I would strongly urge you to move on and even if it hurts for a while, you should not be bothering her for that. Please respect her decision.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that you are in a tricky spot but it is important to understand that when it comes to their child, they have the right to make decisions and ignore everyone else's, even yours. You should keep your relationship and their co-parenting situation separate. Having said that, if you think your BF's ex is overstepping, communicate that to your partner, while letting him know that it bothers you and might even create friction in your relationship. An open and honest discussion is the only way around it. If expressing your discomfort is causing tension or considered ‘controlling,’ then you need to rethink the relationship.

I am sure your partner is truly trying to balance things, but since he is dating you, he should be aware of the areas where that balance is lacking. Communication is the only way.

Hope this helps.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Times have changed. 30s are the new 20s. It's the perfect age to find love. You are settled career-wise, you know what you want, and you are more emotionally mature to handle tough decisions. Since you are a busy professional, I would suggest online dating. You take 30 mins a day to scroll through some profiles, find someone who seems compatible, and chat from any corner of the world. I recommend researching a bit online to find the app that would be perfect for you- for instance, some apps are more suitable for people looking for serious commitment and some are better for casual interactions. Find the one that suits your needs. Then upload a recent picture, and write an appealing bio- use the 70-30 method, where 70% of your bio should describe you and the remaining 30% should be about the type of partner and relationship you are looking for. This way, you will attract people who meet your expectations.

And please do not worry about age and getting married. It's not about the right time; it's about the right person.

Hope this helps.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I cannot make the decision for you, but I can tell you that his points are not invalid. They have been decent and what they are asking for is very basic. Please remember that this is just my opinion; you do not have to feel the same way. And there is nothing inauspicious about signing a prenup. Think of it like health insurance- when you get that, do you indirectly wish for health issues? No. It's just a precaution.

While the choice of signing any agreement is yours, he has every right to rethink the relationship in case you refuse to do so. It does not make him a bad person. He is merely looking out for himself and his family. Please take ample time to make a decision; if you are not comfortable with it, or you think signing the contract and going ahead with the wedding might cause friction between you two, please reconsider the relationship. But I want to remind you again, he is not in the wrong for taking precautions. It does not mean he thinks you are in it for the money; it just keeps the money away from the equation.

Hope this helps.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
First of all, have you met this person in real life? A lot of true love stories start online, but it is very important to meet face-to-face before making any commitments. Secondly, not being able to forget his ex can either be the truth or a ploy to end this relationship with you. Either way, it seems like a zone of conflict and I would like to remind you that you deserve better. I know you love him but don't you think you deserve someone who loves you and only you? Would you really like to be with someone who treats you like an option and draws comparisons with the ex? I suggest you rethink the relationship.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Sometimes, things look better on paper than in reality. You might have had a list and he checks almost all the boxes but that does not mean there is chemistry between the two of you. I understand your dilemma but I would strongly suggest letting him go if you don't love him the way he does. I am sure you would agree that he deserves better. You do not have to be brutally honest about it. You can just be kind and let him know that things are not working out the way you thought they would and it is completely a "you issue" and not on him at all. Do not gaslight him into breaking up or try any other juvenile techniques. This is the best way to part ways.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand your frustration. You made some very valid points. You are absolutely right- no one has any business asking you about your virginity. And you are also correct that it does not define you at all. But the truth is, to some people, it matters more than it should. They are not entirely at fault alone; it is the whole society. Nevertheless, you are right. While it is your decision whether you want to lie or be honest, I would suggest telling the truth. Not for their sake; for yours. You should not have to live your married life always thinking "Would my past have mattered to him?" or wondering if things would have been different if you told him the truth. Moreover, being honest will set you free; maybe it comes with rejections, but at least you do not ever have to bear the weight of lies or feel guilty about deceiving someone. And most importantly, you won’t have to settle for someone who cares so much about such superficial things. Happy marriages cannot start with a lie.

We can't control what's important to whom, but we can respect them, even if we disagree. If you are not comfortable disclosing your body count or past, simply answer their question with yours- "Does that matter to you a lot?" If they say yes, you can reject him because your values don't align.

Hope this helps.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
First of all, there is no hard and fast rule that says that men have to make the first move. If you like someone, you can easily give him a call or drop a text. If a man finds that desperate, you should not settle for someone like that.

Next, judging by the series of events, I would say there is a good chance of either of two things happening- first, he might actually be very busy. But I don't think people are ever so busy that they can't take five minutes of their time to make a call. But then again, you are still strangers and hence, you are not his priority currently. Second, they might be breadcrumbing you. Just giving you enough hope to keep you hooked while they search for more potential matches. The most concerning thing is that the entire family can't keep their word or have the decency to inform about the change of plans.

Your father is not wrong; right now if you contact him after he has repeatedly failed to contact you, it will not look good, and worse, you will not feel good about it. My question is, do you really want a man like this? I know you have been trying for a while and not getting good results can be frustrating, but that does not mean you have to settle for this. I truly believe you deserve better. You can wait some more and see where it goes, but I strongly suggest not pursuing things from your end anymore. Let them do so if they are truly interested. Suppose they don't, understand that you have dodged a bullet.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Dear Shruti,
There isn't much you can do here other than be by your boyfriend's side while he tries to convince his parents. I am sure he has tried everything, but it can't hurt to try some more. He can highlight all the good things about you and mention that he isn't trying to hurt them by marrying you, rather he thinks you will fit perfectly into his family. Ask him to mention how his life has changed for the better since he met you, and how you make him happy. I am hoping that these might change their minds, or at least push them to meet you and your family once.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am truly sorry to see you so conflicted. I am not completely certain what went down between you two but in general, a good and honest conversation can help in such situations. Since you mentioned hurting him by not understanding his needs, I recommend you to focus more on communication. Ask him about his love language- what would make him happy, what he expects from you, what you could expect from him, and more. This way, there will be clarity. I am sure you did nothing to hurt him intentionally. Please be strong; this is just a fleeting issue.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
First of all, have you met this person in real life? A lot of true love stories start online, but it is very important to meet face-to-face before making any commitments. Secondly, not being able to forget his ex can either be the truth or a ploy to end this relationship with you. Either way, it seems like a zone of conflict and I would like to remind you that you deserve better. I know you love him but don't you think you deserve someone who loves you and only you? Would you really like to be with someone who treats you like an option and draws comparisons with the ex? I suggest you rethink the relationship.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that it can be difficult to move on from a relationship you put effort into building. But this will pass. You have to let time do its thing. For now, allow yourself to feel the pain. If you bottle it up, it will be harder to move on. Once you feel all the emotions that you are experiencing right now, slowly you'll notice that those sad emotions are passing. Grab onto that. Focus on your studies, hangout with your friends, and soon you will feel a lot better.

Hope this helps.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am very sorry to hear you are in such a tough spot. While prioritizing your partner's needs is important, it doesn't mean you or her cannot have individual needs or lose your individuality. I just wanted to set this straight before getting into the real issue. Having said that, I do not think what she is doing is fair to you. There is no set amount of time a couple should spend with each other to build a strong relationship; each couple has a different style of expressing love. But in your relationship, since you have repeatedly mentioned needing more time together, it is truly unfair that you didn't get that or the emotional connection you craved. With everything that happened, and your partner being so indifferent, the decision to separate seems like the right one. If the relationship has to be saved, it has to be both your decision and both of you need to put effort into saving it. But after reading your entire question, I am not sure if your partner will be willing to put in the same effort as you. The most you can do here is have one last open talk with her; let her know that you are willing to give this a second chance only if both of you can meet each other halfway. But if she still seems unconcerned about it, I would suggest you think really hard before getting into this again. You deserve someone who can love you the way you love them. Divorce is not easy but it is better than being stuck in an unhappy marriage.

Hope this helps.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Every long-term relationship goes through this phase. Don't overthink this. When you find yourselves getting into a fight, take a pause and give each other some space. For instance, if you see that a phone conversation is slowly building up to a conflict, hang up for 15 to 30 minutes. Take some time to think- sometimes that is enough for us to realize that our partner is not really being unreasonable or their point isn't exactly wrong. It's easy for people to be defensive at the moment. This small pause can help calm things down and revisit the conversation with a more problem-solving mindset.

Hope this helps.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that you don't feel good about the decision but that one incident does not define who you are. You were intoxicated and that can alter your senses. Learn to forgive yourself and move past it. It can take some time, but remember, it does not make you a bad person.

Hope this helps.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
First of all, it is great that you took her feedback so positively and are trying to make constructive changes. It is not easy to admit flaws and work on them. Now, I would suggest starting off by putting your attention a little more on yourself than your partner. Focus on being independent; just because two people are dating does not mean they have to be constantly co-dependent. Pursue new hobbies, connect with friends, explore new things alone and some time together, and in general, give more time to personal growth.

Everyone has different love languages and life events can shape the way we give and receive love. For you, being too attentive and attached can be a byproduct of the childhood trauma you mentioned. Similarly, your partner's way of receiving love can be different. The best way to understand each other's love language is to communicate clearly. Listen to her without getting defensive. I would hope she can do the same for you. I am sure a few open conversations can bring you both to that sweet spot where you both are comfortable with each other's style of showing love.

I would also suggest therapy to address the insecurity and unresolved issues from your past. It can do wonders for your emotional health. Also, remember that a healthy relationship needs some room to grow. Allow yours the space.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
The best approach in this matter is to express your feelings directly, instead of beating around the bush. That way, you can also understand whether she has the same feelings for you.
And as for the two-year difference, if it does not matter to you and her, it shouldn't be a concern.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's okay if it is taking you a little more time than others to build a connection. Remember, everyone moves at their own pace.

If you are facing issues meeting new people, I would suggest using a dating app. You can mention your intentions in the bio- for instance, using the app for serious dating, or casually looking for someone to date, or marriage, etc. This way, you can attract people who have the same end goal as you. Mention the interesting things about you that make you unique. Put up a nice display image with a recent picture, possibly showcasing something that defines you. I am sure you will find the right match in no time. Plus, in online dating, you do not have to meet people face-to-face immediately. You can first chat and take your time to connect on a deeper level and then commit to meeting in person.

Also, there's nothing wrong in being a little picky.

Hope this helps.

Ans: Dear Oldie86,
If it is bothering you so much, I would suggest discussing the matter with your husband. It being out in the open will give you peace of mind. I understand your concern, but there is no point in overthinking. Just remember that all of that is in your past, and you were in a committed relationship. It wasn’t your fault. Focus on your present and future.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that you are hurting but if she has asked for space, you should respect it. Confessing your feelings for her did not deserve such a harsh reaction, but at the same time, she might have been looking at it from a different perspective where she didn't want you to assume the continued friendship as any form of interest and indulgence. Please focus on yourself- I am sure you have other friends who want you in their lives. Focus on those friendships.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It is very nice of you to be so considerate and sensitive while handling these cultural nuances. Let's discuss the kneeling tradition. It's a sign of respect and it's deeply rooted in Ugandan culture. While I understand your point of view, you also have to remember that it can have significant meaning to her and her family. I suggest you politely express your feelings and let her know why it is uncomfortable for you to see her family kneel. When you explain, mention how much her culture means to you as well. I am sure both of you can communicate and come to a compromise that makes you both happy. Just in case, they persist in following the ritual, just look at it as a gesture of love and respect and not submission.

About the moving in together part, in certain parts of the world, couples living together before the traditional wedding is not considered respectful. But since you are already married, you can try explaining to your wife how the living situation does not go against her cultural expectations. But if it is a really big deal for her and her family, consider seeing it from her perspective.

Communication is everything here. Look at every problem as a team; it's not your problem vs her problem. It's both of you vs the problems.

I hope this helps

Ans: Dear Jayesh,
The best way to confirm if she shares the same feelings for you is to simply ask. Tell her how you feel and ask if she feels anything close to that for you. If she says yes, then you can ask her out on a date- maybe start slow with a cup of coffee and see where it goes. If she says no, then please do not take that as a sign to pursue her some more and convince her.

Hope this helps.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If you know for sure your partner is cheating, the best thing to do is confront them. There's no point in collecting proof or catching them in the act- it will not make them more guilty than they already are. Ask them directly about what you know and try to rethink the relationship. Cheating should not be excused and I am sure you deserve a partner who remains loyal to you.

Best wishes

Ans: Dear Aravinth,
I am so sorry to hear this. Can you try to go to your educational institute and ask for another copy of your degree? If not, I am sure there are legal steps that you can take to secure your degree; after all, you have earned it yourself. About the share, I would recommend consulting a lawyer; they can help you in this situation better. Moreover, if there is any threat to your or your partner’s life, you should consider taking it up with the authorities.

Best wishes.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that it can cause a lot of guilt to go against your parents but in situations like these, logic and reasoning work the best. For instance, what your parents are demanding from your partner- adjusting to their lifestyle, bending to their rules, changing her dressing style to match their expectations- are these reasonable and logical demands, or are these self-centered demands? Take some time to reflect on it. It can help you gain some clarity.

In the end, even if you think that one party is right or wrong, it does not necessarily mean that you have to openly take their side. But understanding what's right and what's not will help you indirectly. Mark my words.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sure she has changed for the better, but still, you have every right to be concerned for yourself. And there is nothing wrong with it. She has prioritized herself, and so should you. If you do not think that this is the right match for you, you can politely decline. If the rejection is based on her past, you do not have to mention that to her outrightly, because that might sound a tad bit judgmental. But you can rather reframe it as a difference in personality. After all, that is true. Offer to remain friends, if you are comfortable with it, but do not feel forced to accept her proposal.

I hope this helps.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
First of all, I would need a little more detail about your relationship with your husband and why you are seeking romantic feelings outside your marriage to make any comments or suggestions. But, from a general perspective, I would recommend you focus on what's lacking in your marriage and fix it- maybe, see a marriage counselor. Plus, you mentioned having feelings for this colleague but never mentioned if he feels the same way. If not, why would you confess your feelings to him and create even the minimum chaos in his otherwise happy marriage? Again, from a general perspective, the entire thing sounds like a bad plan.

Hope this helps.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
First things first, you do not have to do what he did; tit for tat is not always the right approach. I would suggest discussing the matter openly with your family. Parents are often more experienced than us, and I am sure they can provide some good advice. Coming to him doing a background check- some people do that, and it's for some added security in an arranged marriage setup. But hiring a private detective is a bit too much; at least, personally, I have not heard of it before. Asking around or inquiring with mutual friends and family is common, but this might be too much. I am unsure if it indicates an overly doubtful nature in your fiance, or if the entire thing was his family's decision. My suggestion is not to rush into a decision; talk to your parents. If needed, take some more time to decide. And at any point, if you think all of these were too much, and you cannot trust him anymore, please do not hesitate to rethink the relationship. It's okay to prioritize yourself.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I can't tell you what you should answer, but I would suggest you say yes only when you are sure about getting married. There is no need to rush. Take some more time if there's any doubts.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
As long as you are not going for any legal action, you do not need proof to confront someone. If it is just a hunch, I suggest not to act on it without taking a moment to calm down. In case your suspicions are not accurate, it can ruin your relationship for no reason. But if you know for sure that your partner is cheating, you have every right to have a direct conversation about it; confront him and ask why he did what he did. Moreover, even if you want to rethink the relationship, you do not need proof of cheating.

Hope this helps.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If the person who is to be married says he needs some more time, it is only fair you allow him that time. Whether it is to strengthen his career or to prepare for a lifetime commitment, his request is reasonable. And something as serious and permanent as marriage should not be rushed.

I hope this helps.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I think I have answered your question previously as well. If you are so conflicted about getting intimate, then you should take it as a sign to slow things down. And what do you mean that your ex is provoking you? No one, man or woman, should provoke, manipulate, or force someone into getting physically intimate. It should be your decision and yours alone.
I hope this helps.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand how conflicted you must be feeling right now, and I am sorry that you are going through this. I wish I could tell you what would be the right thing to do, but it has to be your decision and yours alone. All I can suggest is to take a beat and not rush into deciding anything.

Take everything into consideration-
On the one hand, infidelity is indeed unacceptable in a relationship. But on the other, it was in the initial stage. He might not have been as serious about the relationship as you during those days. Nevertheless, the timing does not make his action justifiable. I suggest you have an open conversation and ask him why he felt the need to do this. Ask him if he did not consider your feelings. What's concerning is that he did not stop after the first time; he went back twice more. I am not judging his choice of location but the fact that he was in a committed relationship puts him in the wrong. Also, blaming it on peer pressure is inexcusable; this isn't something funny or trivial he did because his friends dared him to. Ask him to take accountability and understand that actions have consequences.

Take it one day at a time. Whatever you decide is okay. And if at any point you want to pick yourself over the relationship, I want you to understand that it is completely alright. You will feel like it's a selfish decision, but it isn't. Remember that. Please do what you need to help you heal from this.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

Let me address your issues one by one
1. Is marrying her and embracing this responsibility a prudent decision, considering her past and the challenges we may face?
I can't tell if it is prudent but I don't see it to be a dangerous decision as well. Yes, I understand your concerns, but you have been with her for a long time now. You must have considered all of these concerns beforehand. But if you think you are not sure, I would suggest you don't keep her hanging with hope. Discuss the doubts and concerns directly with her.

2. How can I effectively address her ex-husband's behavior and protect our relationship and my and family's reputation?
Her previous marriage involved domestic harassment and that's how the relationship ended. You had no part in it. You came into the picture after their separation. Why should her husband have any say in her life after divorce? Be strict with him from the very beginning. As a part of courtesy, you can let him know that you are considering marrying his ex, but besides that, you owe him no explanation.

3. What strategies can I use to gain my parents' understanding, acceptance, and support?
Highlight the positives in your partner; let them know how happy she makes you and how much she means to you. Parents being unsupportive in such cases are very common, but with some persistent counseling from your end can make things work out in your favor.

4. How can we ensure a strong and healthy future together, considering the complexities of our situation?
The complexities of the situation don't necessarily have to play part in your future together. Let her move on from this past and if anything, you should help her move past this divorce and harassment instead of bringing that into the future. Yes, it is a part of who she is, but is so much more than just a divorcee and a very young mother; she is the person you fell for- there must be some solid reason for that. After all, you fell knowing all the complexities. That makes her even more special. All you have to do is remember those.

Hope this helps.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It seems like your girlfriend is two-timing unless that proposal was a joke. Either way, speak directly to her and ask her about her intentions. If he is interested in the other guy, it is best to move on from her. You deserve better.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Dear Sanu,
Please do not make any commitments without meeting this guy and his family in person. He can be a scammer or someone looking for a casual fling. Be careful.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand your concerns. But, trust is important in a relationship. If she says they are just friends, if your relationship is healthy, you should be able to trust her.

Having said that, I would suggest you take some time to think if you can get to the point where you can actually trust her without being bothered about this friendship, and not forcefully trust her. Demanding to end the friendship or approaching her ex is not the right way to deal with this situation. You two are not married yet; you still have the time to rethink.

I don't know whether you should move on to someone else, but I believe that you should take some time to rethink. You two are still matches and these problems are trivial now, but once you get married, things will get even more complicated. You can either sort the matter by having an open conversation where you explain how her relationship with her ex bothers you, or you can both consider parting ways. But please do not commit just yet, especially since there is an existing issue.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your concerns make sense, but if you think about it, the majority of people do not know how to take accountability- it has nothing to do with gender. For instance, some men say they are acting like casanovas because of some girl they had a crush on, who rejected their proposal, and some say they have commitment issues because an ex-girlfriend had broken their trust. So, my point is, it's a people problem, not a woman problem.
Having said that, a good way to judge someone is to open up about yourself first. Next time you meet someone, instead of asking about her past, try talking about yours. Mention that you did not have a relationship, or you like people who can own up to their mistakes, etc. This way, you will make her feel comfortable enough to open up to you. It's not easy for women to disclose sensitive details, especially to men. And, ideally, their past should not play a part in their present, but since it is so important to you, try this technique.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Dear Bhavna,
I am not sure why you are getting into them over and over again, but these types of relationships have a pattern- high highs and low lows. They start quickly and intensely and then fizzle out until there's a huge conflict, which jolts the relationship into life. It has a lot of red flags. There's an extreme level of co-dependence. If you do not want it to happen again, I suggest you take some time before you jump into a relationship. Since these relationships are known to start off quickly, taking some time can be a good way to avoid them. If you see things falling into the same pattern, reconsider the relationship. And, slowing down in general can help people from getting into the wrong relationships.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand your concern, but in my opinion, if a man says something like "no seal, no deal," it is better to stay single forever than marry someone as crude as that. Having cleared that out, I assure you that all men are not like that. Your past is your past; if someone has a problem with that, it is theirs. But not every man will have an issue with body count, or even ask you to reveal it. Relationships are very common in today's day and age and that means everyone has a past. Do not put so much pressure on yourself with these thoughts.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand your concerns. The first step is to focus on moving on; she has, and you should too. Prioritize your career, your family, and your future. Next, what has happened to your career progress has already happened. It's unfortunate, but there's no way to change that. But give yourself a second chance; work harder and achieve greater things than you even imagined before. Trust me, you are not the only person who is standing in a situation like this. Many have, and many more will. But the ones who have passed this time will give you the same advice that I did.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Dear Neeraj,
I am sure you can afford to keep a relationship running for more than 6 months, but I am not sure why you are not being able to- maybe you are dating people who are incompatible or there might be issues with your commitment style. Either way, the best way to tackle this is to identify the reason/s behind these short-lived love stories and then work on it from the root. I am sure once you figure out the root cause of this, you can find a way to sort this problem.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Let me start with the most important thing- you are far from late. You are only 25; I would say this is your time to focus on your career and live a little. But if you are ready for marriage, then that is great too. But do not ever think that it's too late. It isn't even a little late. If anything, in today's day and age, it's early.

Now coming to your boyfriend- have you ever asked him if he has any plans to get married or if he intends to continue this relationship without ever committing to marriage? It's important that you discuss this. And his dialogue, "if you really love me then you will love and you will do whatever needed to be done" doesn't make any sense because you can tell him the same. I suggest you speak to him openly and let him know that you want to get married- if not right now, but somewhere down the line you want marriage. If his intentions are not the same, he should let you know so that you can move on and find someone who shares the same outlook as you. And, to be honest, not paying attention to your problems is concerning. In a relationship, two people should help each other out in times of trouble.

Please have the talk and reconsider the relationship according to how it goes.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand your dilemma. It is indeed difficult to cope with sudden exposure to a coed environment and speaking to the opposite sex can feel daunting. But trust me, talking to women isn't all that different from talking to men. They are humans too. You can start with a simple hi, where are you from, where did you study before, etc. If she seems comfortable to be friends, you can slowly let her know you are interested in her. If she doesn't outrightly reject the idea, you can ask her out for a cup of coffee. It doesn't have to be a "date" date; it's just an outing, where two consenting adults sip coffee and discuss life. If you ask her out directly, you can also figure out whether she reciprocates your feelings,

Just a gentle reminder- if she doesn't show interest, please do not try to convince her. You will meet more women in the future who will be equally interested in you.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your concerns are completely valid. Splurging, especially at this stage, is unnecessary. Good connections can be built anywhere; expensive places play no part in it. Also, being disciplined about money is the right approach.

I understand that you are worried about coming off miserly, but you are not. You are merely being responsible. You can suggest another more affordable place and see how she reacts. If she is okay with it, then great. If not, then you should rethink this match. You don't want to marry someone who is in it for the money. Now, coming to discussing how to split the finances, I would suggest you wait a bit. A first date might not be the right place for it. If all goes well, and you think this woman can be a suitable match, bring it up politely on the second or third date, to have clarity on it early on. For instance, you can casually start by giving an example of a friend who recently got married- something like, "Rohan's wife takes care of the groceries and stuff, while he pays off the bill." And then mention that you were wondering how you two should split it if you happen to get married. It is a reasonable question and should not show you off as money-minded. It's always best to discuss these important matters in the initial stages to avoid any conflict in the future.

Hope this helps!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I think the other answer clears things up for you. I would like to add that asking you to keep the relationship a secret, convincing you to have an extra-marital affair, and saying things like 'your husband will be your responsibility and I will be your love' are a bit concerning. Even if you wanted to leave your partner and get together with this colleague, it should be an unforced decision. It looks like he is trying to coax you and doing so even when you are so conflicted is very selfish. I would like you to be cautious. And to confirm your doubts- yes, it is cheating if you really decide to act on these without your husband's knowledge.

Hope this helps.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that you are feeling undervalued by your husband but the "I want both of them" approach has never worked out well for anyone, especially in an exclusive relationship. You have a few options here-
You speak to your husband about how the lack of attention from him is affecting you and work on it with him.
Tell him openly about this man and let him know that there's a slight chance that you might develop feelings for him if your husband continues to pay all his focus on work and none on you. This could shake him up from his slumber and help him realize that he has not been fair to you.
Opt for separation- if you do not have an open marriage, you cannot have both of the men. It isn't moral to do this behind your partner's back.

I strongly suggest you consider doing the first option. Communicate your feelings of loneliness to your husband and seek help from a marriage counselor. It can do wonders for your relationship.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Since it's bothering you so much, I am guessing that these communications have a romantic undertone to them. I am sorry you are going through this. But please try to have an open discussion with her, without assigning blame or judgment. Ask her what is lacking in the marriage that she needs to reach out to her ex; it will help you get to the root of the matter and work on it from there. Let her know that these interactions are extremely hurtful to you and it is also unacceptable. You can also see a marriage counselor to resolve things in a more structured way.

Best wishes.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am not sure how to answer this but attraction is a very personal thing. It is shaped by biology, human experiences, preferences, and emotions. In most cases, attraction is not a bad thing. I am not sure why this raises questions in your mind, but it is important to navigate these feelings without judgment. Be kind to yourself and others while you figure things out.

Best Wishes.