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Ravi

Ravi Mittal

Dating, Relationships Expert 

427 Answers | 52 Followers

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more

Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 15, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am a 25 year old girl. I have good job and happy career wise. I am in a relationship with a boy who is very career oriented, and runs from the marriage topic also. My parents are now behind to me to get married. I am also interested in getting married and settle in my. When I told my boyfriend about this. He gets furious. He don’t want to communicate with me on this. He don’t give any attention to my problem. He says if you really love me then you will love and you will do whatever needed to be done. Now everything is on me.I am very confused what to do. I can’t tell my parents about him, as he is not ready. I also have a fear, that this boy is not going to marry me, so am I leaving good boys which my parents are showing me. Am I already late...what if I don’t get anyone, will I have to compromise in my life If I will delay. Please help!!
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Let me start with the most important thing- you are far from late. You are only 25; I would say this is your time to focus on your career and live a little. But if you are ready for marriage, then that is great too. But do not ever think that it's too late. It isn't even a little late. If anything, in today's day and age, it's early.

Now coming to your boyfriend- have you ever asked him if he has any plans to get married or if he intends to continue this relationship without ever committing to marriage? It's important that you discuss this. And his dialogue, "if you really love me then you will love and you will do whatever needed to be done" doesn't make any sense because you can tell him the same. I suggest you speak to him openly and let him know that you want to get married- if not right now, but somewhere down the line you want marriage. If his intentions are not the same, he should let you know so that you can move on and find someone who shares the same outlook as you. And, to be honest, not paying attention to your problems is concerning. In a relationship, two people should help each other out in times of trouble.

Please have the talk and reconsider the relationship according to how it goes.

Best Wishes.
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Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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I (27M) have recently started searching for prospects through Arranged Marriage Platforms. I got connected with a Lady (25F) & we seemed to be getting along quite well, through chatting & phone calls. When we were planning to meet in person, for our first Date, she picked a place which is one of the most expensive ones in our City & just a single Date over there may cost us around ?10 Thousand. Though, I am earning pretty well (?30Lakh/Annum), I am reluctant to spend so much amount on our First Date, whilst we are still in the process of getting to know each other. If I'd been Married to her, I'd be willing to spend that much for celebrating our Wedding Anniversary. But this is just our First Date & I am not even sure whether we'd be getting Married or not. The Date is scheduled for next Month & I'm still in Dilemma, whether I should request her to meet up at a more affordable venue or ask her to split the expenses, equally or proportionate to our Earning (She earns just around ?6 Lakh/Annum). I'm afraid that being so Straight-forward & upfront about Money Matters, at this stage, might give her a negative impression about me. She seems to be having a lot of Materialistic Expectations from me, as I earn much more than her & she has been hinting me about her expectations such as Expensive Gifts & Vacations abroad. Even though I am a person who's very cautious & disciplined with Money, I'd be glad to spend generously, for the happiness of my Life Partner, but not at this stage, when we haven't even committed to each other. Please suggest me, how can I handle this situation without coming off as too miserly? Moreover, I'm also planning to discuss some important matters, such as how we'd be handling our Finances in the Future. But I am worried, whether it would be appropriate to bring up this matter, in our very first personal meet-up? I'm afraid that she might Judge me as too Money-minded & I might lose out on a suitable match. Please Help me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your concerns are completely valid. Splurging, especially at this stage, is unnecessary. Good connections can be built anywhere; expensive places play no part in it. Also, being disciplined about money is the right approach.

I understand that you are worried about coming off miserly, but you are not. You are merely being responsible. You can suggest another more affordable place and see how she reacts. If she is okay with it, then great. If not, then you should rethink this match. You don't want to marry someone who is in it for the money. Now, coming to discussing how to split the finances, I would suggest you wait a bit. A first date might not be the right place for it. If all goes well, and you think this woman can be a suitable match, bring it up politely on the second or third date, to have clarity on it early on. For instance, you can casually start by giving an example of a friend who recently got married- something like, "Rohan's wife takes care of the groceries and stuff, while he pays off the bill." And then mention that you were wondering how you two should split it if you happen to get married. It is a reasonable question and should not show you off as money-minded. It's always best to discuss these important matters in the initial stages to avoid any conflict in the future.

Hope this helps!
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Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 20, 2024Hindi
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Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 20, 2024

Answered on Nov 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 14, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I'm soon to be 36 M, unmarried and never had any relationship in all my years, I have registered myself with many matrimony sites and have been searching for a girl or maybe a woman now, for last 5 or 6 years. My problem is that most girls in matrimonial reject me out right for reason like looks, money/property, age, etc, now I have asked some of my friends discreetly about my looks and I'm very confident about myself, also I know I do earn good bucks, despite that I don't understand what could be possible reason to not even have a single conversation before they reject someone. I have even tried my hands on dating apps, but I have not had success there as well. Some time I feel worthless and have breakdowns because of this. I don't have anyone to share this with and I know no one cares about it anyway as everyone has their own problem and you will be the last thing in their mind. I know the answer I'm going to get here - "keep trying", "life is not fair" etc, but I feel this is total crap, why does no women want a man who would respect her and care for her, why cry later for justice, domestic violence and cheating. After all this, I'm losing hope that I'll find my or any love in this world.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I agree what's happening to you is not fair, and however you are feeling right now, it is valid. But having said that, you can't justify saying "why cry later for justice, domestic violence and cheating." These are entirely different and serious matters. Do not trivialize them. Rejecting a man who would've loved her does not automatically mean the woman deserves to find a man who should cheat, beat, or abuse her.

Now, coming to your issue, rejection comes for several reasons; it doesn't necessarily have to do anything with your appearance. Since you mentioned getting rejected even before a conversation, my first guess would be that the profile might not be standing out in the crowd of profiles out there. You can try adding hints of humor to your BIO to make it more attractive. Use the 70-30 method in your Bio, where 70% of it showcases you as a person and the remaining 30 subtly indicates your version of an ideal partner. Additionally, try optimizing your DP and select something that shows your fun side.

But I would like to remind you that not everyone's love story runs at the same pace; some take time to start. I know you think it's cliched but people say it because it has truth to it- keep going; I am sure you will find someone.

Best Wishes.
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Answered on Nov 18, 2024

Answered on Nov 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 18, 2024Hindi
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Hi, i am in a relationship with a guy since last 14 years but due to some ups-downs in his life he denied to marry me two years ago so i remain single in that period and searching for suitable guy in a arrange marriage setup. Now, in this year he came back and said he want to marry me, since i did not able to find any match till then so i said yes, i tried to convince my parents for him but they did not got convinced and started forcing me for arrange marriage for the sake of community and their pride, i dont know what should i do, because whatever they are bringing are good matches and i would have consider or marry them if i am not committed to him.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If you have really decided that you will only marry him, then you should continue trying to convince your parents. Both of you are consenting adults and I am sure you both love each other since you have been together for so many years. Highlight these and any other positive points in your partner to your parents; let them know he is a nice person and he has been committed to you for so long.

I am not sure whether you two broke up for a while or just weren't sure about marriage, but either way, it looks like there was a break in the relationship. So this time around, if you want to rethink the relationship, there is no harm. And if you are not sure what you want, you should take some time to think about it. Don't rush.

Moreover, consider your parent's point of view. Why are they not convinced? Are they seeing something in your partner that you are overlooking because of love? You can ask them for the reason directly and evaluate how reasonable they are.
Hope these suggestions help

Best Wishes.
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Answered on Nov 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 03, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I am 30 years old not married & now my parents are forcing me to get married. I think i am good looking guy. It's not like i have never been with girls. I have had brief flings with multiple girls. And there was one girl whom i was in a platonic relationship with with lot of emotional sharing & have spent a lot of time with her. The same goes with another girl. Both of them have told me that i have been pretty cool & girls would like me to be their bf or husband. But i am not able to accept anyone because of the guilt that of my past that i never had a relationship. Never been able to tell anyone that i had a gf. I know this is wrong to compare my life but i can't stop thinking that way. Can you tell me what to do? Like a contsant regret of not having a very steamy cool fancy relationship from outside. I know relationships have it's own ups & downs. But this guilt is killing me that i missed out lot of things in life & if get married in an arranged marriage i would feel myself to be a looser who couldn't even find a girl on his own. Though i know all of these comparisons are wrong & i should be rational. I am not able to help it. Please help me out
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Whatever you are feeling, it is very normal. More people than you could imagine go through this same phase. But as you mentioned, these are just thoughts; there is no truth to them. Not having a relationship does not make you uncool. It merely means that you did not meet your perfect match yet. I understand that you feel like you have missed out on something and that feeling is valid. It might not be reasonable, but it's very natural to think this way. I can suggest one thing- why don't you try a dating or matchmaking app to find your own partner? That way, you will be keeping your parents' wishes and won't let yourself down either. It will also give you more control over choosing your life partner.

Hope this helps.
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Answered on Nov 14, 2024

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Hi, I got married to my ex gf in an arranged setup. I had a 7 year of relationship with her before breakup. My career switch try from private to govt job was the reason. When I failed I returned back to corporate. 3 years after the breakup her father who is a good friend of my father sent proposal which led to our marriage. No one knew that we dated. We never had a word between the acceptance and marriage. None of us initiated the conversation. When she came after marriage her behavior towards me in private is totally strange. We never had an emotional conversation. Neither we discuss romance nor intimacy. In private we hardly have any intellect discussions which was an eternal part before our breakup. But when she is in public she behaves like she cares for me a lot. She is a darling of everyone in the house whether my parents or siblings. Most of the time she remains with my mother and she has good bond. In front of her she cares for me a lot. She had this double faced attitude from the first day. Our intimacy is limited to my ask she could agree or disagree but she never initiated it. She was pretty passionate before our breakup which I never saw after our marriage. I tried everything but nothing has happened she never opened up. She disconnected with almost all our mutual friends after marriage. Whenever I tried through some of her friends she says to them I overthink a lot. Marriages and relationships differs. All useless and weird reasons. Everyone blames my teenage short temper issue. Which I have completely overcame when I started working. After marriage we had a boy. She says no for a next child for which I am fine. But the problem is now my child is growing and she has started understanding her hypocrisy. Now she blames me for teaching him wrong things. We hardly had fights as she walks out or I won't say word usually after she didn't answer for anything. I am unable to see the light in this relationship. She had 3 relationships in between but I never had one which I never discussed. Now I hardly ask for anything. Day by day we are becoming only room partners or fake couples in public. Everyone sees her as an ideal daughter in law or wife due to her public hypocrisy. Please guide.
Ans: Dear Salman,
I understand that marital issues take a huge toll on people. Whatever you are feeling, it is very normal. I strongly suggest you seek professional help- you can either opt for personal counseling sessions to manage the distress caused by your partner's indifference, or the best approach is to convince your wife to go for marriage counseling with you. It would be good to get to the root of the matter; why is she behaving a certain way, where is this coming from, are there unresolved issues from when you dated? These questions will finally get an answer and you can work on them together. If she does not agree to go, tell her to do it for your child. No child should have to see their parents unhappy with each other.

Hope this helps.
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Answered on Nov 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 04, 2024
Relationship
my gf was physical(intercourse) just for once with her ex and her ex cheated on her she just had a 2 month relationship with her ex. and after that around just after a month we came in relationship and its been 2 months we are in a relationship we both go to same college but due to house problem she doesn't attend classes basically we are in a long distance relationship and she still remember him and when she goes to places where she meet her ex she still have flashback She is not fully with me even when i just ask her for a normal kiss she refuses and tells me what so hurry but when i asked her does she want to stay with me she told me yes i want to stay with you and she is ready to marry me as well when time comes she even told me that timely she will have feelings for me And for me all this is new this is my first relationship what should i do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Refusing for a kiss isn't as concerning as her saying she will have feelings for you. Not everyone is ready for intimacy at the same time in all their relationships. As I mentioned earlier, there can be several reasons for this behavior. Please have an open conversation with her. Let her know that her behavior is bothering you and you want some clarity. If she still continues to say the same thing, you have the option to rethink the relationship.

I understand that you are feeling disturbed; it's not easy being on the receiving end. Please feel free to pick yourself first. You deserve someone who loves you completely.

Best Wishes.
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Answered on Nov 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 07, 2024Hindi
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I am 28, will be engaged in 3-4 months. It's an arranged marriage. I have met the girl one time, that too she was accompanied with her parents as her family is very conservative. We spoke privately for about half an hour. I know it's still not enough but I was able to have a good conversation. She was nervous at first but I made her feel comfortable and it was then time well spent. She is a sweet girl, even my maa papa like this girl but on the other hand, I am also getting worried as the days are coming near. Sometimes I feel like postponing the event. Is this normal? I also fear of things that happens in nowadays like getting divorce, extra marital affairs, alimony etc. What if she finds a better partner after marriage? Will she leave me? Due to this I cannot have proper sleep recently. Any suggestions to calm my nerves?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Many people get cold feet before getting married. It is very normal. All your questions are valid but you need to understand that in every relationship, it all comes down to trust. Whether you marry this woman or someone else, you have to trust her. And no one can really tell what the future holds. So we focus on the present and hope for the best.

I suggest speaking to your would-be partner a little more in the meantime. Getting to know her will put these doubts to rest. I'm sure she is equally concerned about what kind of person you are. Moreover, it is always a good idea to get to know each other better before committing for a lifetime. And, in case, you still think you need to postpone the event, do not shy away from doing so. It is better to take some time and make the right decision than to make a wrong decision in a hurry.

Hope this helps.
Best Wishes.
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Answered on Nov 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 06, 2024Hindi
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I had been getting marriage proposals for arrange marriage, my marriage got fixed and roka happened in a rush , when we started talking I felt no chemistry may be because I was highly anxious due to the rush to marriage and i could spot some red flags like he was taking no stand to postpone the wedding when he could clearly see that I was not ready . I couldn't take it anymore and I called off the wedding, after some months we talked again and I felt okay with him given that there was no pressure of merriage but when again he started asking for how should we move ahead I called it off again, but we are still in touch in social media and i think he really likes me his parents also like me alot , i think he is looking for new relationship now but i feel if I ask him to marry me he would not reject i don't want to regrate that I missed on a person who loves me alot of he gets married to someone else. When I had called off the roka I got other proposals one of them was a person very rich and smart, but i didn't initiated anything as i thought I was not ready but now he is married to someone else and I regret that very often. What should I do , should I ask the first person to marry me ? How can I move forward from the regrate of not taking the opportunity to have a perfect lifestyle? Or just look for other fresh relationship
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I suggest you take some time off for yourself. From your description of things, I am getting a hint that you are not ready for life-long commitment right now. Or it can just be cold feet. Nevertheless, you should take some time off from looking for partners. Moreover, giving this person hope and calling things off over and over again is not very kind. Your regret might just be FOMO. It's best to take your time and then get back to the marriage alliances once you feel mentally prepared for it.

Best wishes.
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Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 07, 2024
Relationship
I (27M) am well Educated & well settled in a High-paying Job. Tall, Handsome & Fit. I am a Sociable & Outgoing person, but I never had a Girlfriend because I believe in having an Arranged Marriage with a Girl from the same Community, who's Family background is known to Parents. I strongly believe in abstaining from any kind of Sexual Intimacy until I get Married, due to my Personal, Moral, Ethical, Emotional as well as Religious & Socio-cultural Values. I'd want to experience even my First Kiss, only after getting Married to my Life Partner. And obviously, I expect my Future Life Partner also to Share similar Values. I cannot settle for Marriage with a Girl who had Pre-marital Sex (or even Kissed) anyone else in a Romantic Relationship, prior to Marriage. I would Reject such a Girl, however Beautiful, Well-Educated & Well-Earning she might be (all other Qualities being Subjective). Now, my Family has started looking up suitable Brides for me, within my Community. The Problem is that most Girls of our Community, in this Generation, are Well Educated & Financially Independent, staying in Cities, away from Parents & most of them, probably had Romantic Relationship(s) & experienced Physical Intimacy, at any Base Level. I know this by closely observing & discussing with many Girls of my Community (including my Female Cousins, Female Friends & Neighbours etc). They all are ridiculing me for my Preferences & advising me to forsake my Values, as they are Outdated in this Age. Now, I am Worried that I might never get to Marry a Girl who shares my Values. My greatest Fear is not ending up Unmarried, but getting Married to a Woman who lies about her Past (I consider it as Cheating). Can you please advise me on, how can I be absolutely Sure that a Girl is an Un-Kissed Virgin? How do I bring up this topic with any Girl before Marriage & ask her, without coming off as Creepy? How can I be Sure whether the Girl is being absolutely Honest about her Past or not? What are some other ways to find out about the Past of a Girl, apart from having an open conversation with herself? Please advise me regarding this, my Heart is not letting me foresake my Values, which are my Core Principles. I am willing to compromise on some other Qualities i.e., I'd happily settle down with a Girl who's Below Average in terms of Looks, Education & even Unemployed, as long as I can be Sure that she's an Un-Kissed Virgin. How can I be absolutely Sure of that?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You don't have to forsake your values based on others' opinions of it. If it makes you happy, you should stick to it. Having said that, you cannot force the same values on others. I understand you want a partner who has a similar mindset. The only way to get what you want is an open conversation- when you speak to a match, you can open up about your outlook and clear it from your end that you want the exact same values in your partner and politely request them to reject the alliance if she has any past relationships or has been intimate with anyone in any form. Let her know that you are not judging her, but this part is very important for you. Make it about yourself, because it is. Do not let the woman feel that there is some flaw in her, or start investigating her past.

Now, coming to your other query, how to be absolutely sure that she is telling the truth about her experiences- there is no such technique. You have to trust her. Moreover, you should understand that as much as you believe your values are important, trust in your partner is equally important in having a healthy and happy relationship. While you work on finding the partner of your choice, work on having a little more faith in people.
Hope this helps.

Best Wishes
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Answered on Nov 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 03, 2024Hindi
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Me and my bf are resident docters in a hospital .We hardly had time with each other ,but always supported each other in difficult times.Through fights ,breakups ,patch ups ,we were there all in these 3 years .He has always been more career oriented , hardly expressed any feelings on his own for me ,he only expressed or said i love when i asked him too .Now i m in my last year of md exams ,he got selected in aiims delhi dm since he was senior to me .Now he hardly communicates with me ,like in 48 h ,all we do is talk for 2 min ,where he hardly says anything ,sometimes he talks is about work.I have asked him multiple times if anything wrong i did ,he has kept on saying he is busy ,he says atleast i call u ,i hardly have time for anyone.He says all he sees now is his work ,patients and career . I have always adjusted according to him ,now it is becoming difficult to adjust .I cant take the trauma of leaving him ,because i have very important exams in 4 months .He was my only bestfriend ,my guide ,my love .He has been changed person .But i m studying and working almost 20 hrs , how to cope up ,i m all alone in this melodrama ,sometimes i wish i was dead
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your feelings are valid. It is indeed difficult to adjust to an unexpressive partner. One out of two things can be happening here- one, he does not know how to express his emotions; that is who he is fundamentally. Two, the work pressure and hectic hours have made him detached. You can try having an open conversation with him about it and let him know that you are not being able to carry on like this. Communicate your concerns and how his attitude toward you has affected your mental health. That is the only way to move forward. After the conversation either of two things will happen- it will be a wake-up call for him and things will change for the better. Or, he will continue to behave the same way and you have to rethink the relationship. My suggestion is to have the talk after your exams. I know you think he is your everything, but you are your everything. Do not let this relationship waste the years of hard work you have put into your studies. Focus on yourself and trust me when I say this- value yourself the way you want others to value you. If you don't, why would anyone else?

I hope this helps. Best Wishes.
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Answered on Nov 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 01, 2024
Relationship
I am a 27 year old female. I am dating a guy for 10+ years, we have become too casual about each other. Its like our relationship has lost the spark after we left college. We are dragging our relationship just because we both arent ready to put efforts in finding new partners. Whenever we meet, we cuddle and sleep and havent had sex since last 2 years. Emotionally we are too close but physical intimacy is kindof lost. Since its time to get married. I am still unsure whether he as of now is the one for lifetime. Should we venture for new partners respectively or are we the one for each other. Please Suggest.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If you have to ask "Are we the one for each other?" something must be going really wrong in the relationship. Moreover, you also mentioned dragging it, so reconsidering the relationship can't hurt. There is another option- you can try couple's therapy and get to the bottom of this detachment. It can be time; it happens to many long-term couples. Nothing comes without effort- you will have to work on it every day and explore new things to bring back the spark. If you don't want to let go of this relationship, try these suggestions. But to continue lugging it because this relationship is all too familiar and comfortable now is not the right decision. If it's okay with both of you, take a break and venture out for new partners. See how things pan out. The choice is yours. The only thing that I can confirm is that at this point, you should not rush into getting married and focus on sorting things out first.

Best Wishes.
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Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 15, 2024Hindi
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I am 50 years old and got married 15 years ago. I am a very spontaneous sort of a guy and enjoy life, partying etc. I was also very active socially.My wife being the complete opposite put a stop to all that once we got married. She also does not display any affection and has no interest in physical intimacy. She is just concerned with her housework.We also have lot of differences in mental attitude & intellectual abilities. At no stage will we ever seperate, however, I am unhappy with her nature. She has lot of friends, however is always at daggers drawn with in her in laws. We had to stay separately for 6 months, and I tried looking for love else where, however after a couple of months, I realised, that I missed her. I am in a quandary. Despite requesting her to work on our relationship, I get no response. Please advise on how to proceed.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand you are in a tough spot. But it's nice to see that after all those years of differences, you still have genuine feelings for her. I strongly suggest considering marriage counseling. From your description of your marriage, it seems to be there have been issues from the very beginning of it. It's been too long and now those issues must've become deep-rooted. Seeing a professional can be a game-changer. They can guide you out of this slump more methodically and help you navigate the emotions you are feeling right now. It can also help you understand the reasons for your wife's disinterest and handle it better.

Best Wishes
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Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 02, 2024Hindi
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Hii, I have an love marriage after 9 years of dating and 6 years, 2 children post marriage, my little one is 11 months old now. My husband has an affair upto chatting to someone in his company, his junior but in different department, when my Lil one was 1 month old, we had in a rough patch then due to child birth and family drama. When I saw it and confronted him, he said he is sorry and won't do it again, we had multiple fights for 3-4 months after then due to same reason, but he mostly listen and consol. It's been a lot of mental torture for me. I love my husband a lot and he is a good person, but sometimes sill I see her msg in his phone asking for small helps or casual msg. She is also married. I am not sure my husband deletes msg or what, I am not able to get over this. Before it, this is was preety much a good relationship. I am highly educated and independent women. I don't want anything form my husband apart from love. What should I do, whenever I tell him I want to just leave and let him have his life, he won't let me somehow. We are having a good physical relationship 2-4 times a week( just to tell where we are). Please help me...I can't overcome that he is making fool of me...
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry to hear you are in such a tough spot. I would suggest considering marriage counseling. A professional who can help you both tackle these issues would be helpful in this situation. I understand that it was his mistake and he needs to put the effort to make you trust him again, but since you are still together, you will also have to put in the effort to let it. I know it is difficult and that's where marriage counselor comes in. They can help you navigate these feelings. Moreover, if he is indeed hiding something, therapy can help that come out in the open.

Hope this helps.
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Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 10, 2024Hindi
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Hi, Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. Partner(F28)continuing friendship with a person[M] who had crush on her before marriage considered emotional infidelity? Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. My wife is having friendship (strictly platonic) with a guy from her 10tlh grade (same class). Before our marriage (she may be doing her college, our relationship just started may be 2 weeks) this guy told her he has genuine interest in her and he want to take the relationship further if she wants, she said she is not interested in a relationship and she got committed, she always saw him as a friend, no other feelings for him and we can be friends if you don't bring any romantic interest again. He never took this talk again ever after and happy to be a friend. They are talking as friends. She got married to me. He also got married. They still do chats once in a month. She introduced me to him and visited his home when we visited his city. He also came to our home once (me and my family was there). She used to update me with chat she had with him and the content they are chatting. I am ok with that When we were talking about our school life and college life 2 years before. She said this guy had crush on her during her college days. I asked her, why did not she tell me this info till now. She said it is not purposely, she does not feel the need to do as the person is not in-appropriate with her and continuing as good friend as promised after she rejected his proposal. I don’t want to create any unnecessary issues as I don’t have any felling or so with him. That time I checked their chats completely, it’s about update about their common friends, their recent travel, their job, meditation courses and the books they read recently. I haven’t seen any flirting or romantic message from either of them. So I am perfectly fine with it and had no problems. I recently came to know about the concept of emotional cheating which is very new to me. Before that cheating to me is only flirting, sexeting and physical sex. I have asked for advice in redddit.com in infedility sub forum about emotional cheating/ emotion affair. There persons are advising like even having friendship with someone who had crush on you is emotional cheating as it is indirectly leading them on you. So with an omission of lie he had crush on her and indirectly leading him on you wife was emotionally cheating on you. This is very much equal to cheating. I do have lots of friends in other gender, but no one had crush on me. Does this count as emotional cheating/affair as she did not mention he had crush on her before marriage? I am little depressed and not able to spend quality time with my wife who is in postpartum depression and take care of our daughter properly as before. Do you guys advise me how to navigate this situation?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Are you really going to ruin your happy relationship based on some new term you have learned recently? Emotional cheating and many more terms of the kind will come and go, what truly matters is the truth. She is merely friends with this guy and for your peace of mind, you have even checked their conversations- what part of it looks like cheating to you? If tomorrow, some random person projecting their own insecurities claims that a man speaking to a woman is some "new form" of cheating, would you start believing that? My point is that these are just random opinions of some people- it isn't the ultimate truth. The entire context matters. This man had a crush on your wife, she rejected it, and now they are just friends. I find absolutely no misconduct or infidelity in this. The fact that none of your friends had a crush on you does not factor in at all. Moreover, your wife is in postpartum depression- that should be your biggest concern but here you are, giving more importance to the random 2 AM thoughts of some people you don't even know. Please rethink if you are being fair to your wife- the mother of your child.

Best Wishes
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Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 26, 2024Hindi
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I (30M) am looking for Arranged Marriage Prospects. My Family has found a Prospect (27F) who seems like a Good Match, she's Well Educated, Earning Well & from the same Community. I haven't yet met her in Person, but connected with her on Social Media Platforms & interacting regularly. Recently, I scrolled through her Instagram Profile (It's a Public Profile). She seems to be a very Sociable Person, she has shared many Photos of herself, Partying/Travelling along with her Friends. My Problem is that she seems to like Wearing Clothes which are Revealing. She has shared many Photos/Videos, in which she's skimpily dressed (including some Bikini Photos at Beach/Swimming Pool). She also has a Pierced Navel Ring & Tattoos on some Private Parts like Chest, Hips, Thighs & Lower Back, which she flaunts proudly on Social Media. Though, I am not Judging her Character, based on her Choice of Clothing, but seeing all these made me a little Uncomfortable, as I am a very Modest & Simple Person myself. I have not discussed this issue with my Parents, as they have a very good opinion about her (which I don't want to Ruin). But I've discussed with some of my closest Friends (of both Genders) & some of them have Chided me for being so Judgemental. They suggested me to meet her atleast once in person, to understand what's her Character/Personality like. Shall I give it a try or Reject her Politely at this stage itself, without wasting any more Time (either her or mine)? Or am I being too Superficial to Judge a Woman, just based on her Social Media Profile, without even meeting her once, personally (This is what some of my closest Female Friends opined)? Please suggest me how to proceed with this Prospect in Arranged Marriage.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I know it might come off as you being judgmental of her choice of dressing, but you have a right to form an opinion in your mind, especially since in your case, you might be marrying the person. As long as you are not making up your mind about her based on her dressing, forcing her to dress the way she wants, or thrusting your opinion on her, it's alright. It's human nature to be a bit jerked by the choices others make that we won't make ourselves. Having said that, I believe meeting her once in person can be good for you; you might have a new perspective- both about her and on life. But no one can force you to do either. My suggestion is that do what you think is right- if you are sure you will reject this alliance based on her choice of clothes, even if she is the nicest person on the face of the earth, meeting up might be a waste of time. But if you think you are open to changing your mind, go for it.

I would also like for you to remember one important point if things work out between the two of you- do not try to push your opinions on dressing and change the way she is after getting married. That would not be fair. In case, you start hoping that she will change and fit YOUR mold of the perfect woman, I would strongly suggest keeping that thought in check.

Best Wishes.
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Answered on Nov 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 24, 2024Hindi
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Hi,I am 25 yr old female,my parents saw allience for me and they told its a good family,and nice boy,their parents came to my home to see me and now that boy want to talk to me.My mind is completely confused and i dont know what to do,Their family is expecting about my work ,future studies,It makes me too sacred to make decision.I dont know what to do,I dont have any past relation ,I am sacred because they are joint family and have to take decision regards their elders,I feel so strucked but my oarents are saying that its a good family,I don't know whether i like that person or not,I feel like i should love some one atleast i wont have regreat of not taking decision on my own,Its too confusing and disturbing
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your feelings are totally valid. It is confusing to suddenly be matched with someone you don't know, and moreover, in your case, there are a lot of adjustments to be made. It doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing, but you deserve some time to consider the decision. If your match wants to talk to you one-on-one and you are okay with it, go ahead. It could offer you some clarity. Moreover, speak to your parents about this directly; you are an adult making one of the biggest decisions of your life and you will have to live with it. Communicate your wishes- if you want some more time before you get married or have different plans for your future, etc. I am sure your parents mean it when they say it's a good family. But there is no harm if you want to double check that for yourself and ensure you will be a good fit for them and they for you.

Best Wishes
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Answered on Nov 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 29, 2024Hindi
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So, 2 weeks ago, I met a guy in arranged marriage setup. Well, I liked the guy by appearance but his parents asked for my opinion after the meeting from my parents. I didn’t oppose anything because I thought I would get some time to know this guy on personal level but within 3 weeks both families made decision and kind of fixed the marriage. However I told my father I am not ready yet, I’ll need some time. But his family is asking us to do roka ceremony for the confirmation. I am an introvert and I have multiple questions like does he believe in feminism and what exactly he knows about feminism these kind of questions. But being an introvert I am not able to ask such questions. Earlier I wasn’t feeling anything for him but since last week I kind of imagining my life with me but I still have doubts. What to do, how to ask questions indirectly.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your concerns are totally valid; marriage is a serious decision and rushing into it isn't exactly ideal. I understand that you are an introvert and it is difficult for you to ask questions, but this person will be your partner for the rest of your life hopefully; I think you should put in the effort to get to know each other. Take baby steps- tell your parents that before agreeing to marry him, you would like to speak to him, ideally, over the phone first. This way, you can be a little more relaxed- start with a simple conversation and slowly move into more serious questions over the days. You can make him feel comfortable by first sharing your perspective- for instance, family planning, career, your likes and dislikes, your take on feminism, preferences, etc. You will be creating a safe space for him to open up about his thoughts and beliefs. Finally, plan to meet him face to face, where both of you will have a better scope of an open conversation. Once things are cleared up, you can say yes and have your peace of mind.

Do not worry about asking direct questions. It’s within your right to do so, as long as the questions are reasonable and respectful.

Best Wishes.
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Answered on Nov 01, 2024

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I am a Good Looking guy aged 32 , Government Officer and I do own my own consultancy firm and an Wildlife conservation NGO. I am into Music field as a singer and instrumentalist since 17 years. However I am unable to find a right life partner. Most of them reject as I am not ready to move to Bangalore. Basically I am from Mysore and work in Coorg. I live with mom and we are Brahmin family with moderate values and respect towards our culture and not orthodox. Now I am not ready for intercaste marriage. I dont have any compulsions like working girl or not working girl. I need only a girl who is beautiful , caring and loving. She should understand her responsibilities. I think I deserve such life partner. What to do ? How can I make any match.
Ans: Dear R,
You can try asking close friends and family members to set you up with someone compatible. If you want more control over this, try a matchmaking and dating app. A little research and you will find the right apps, ideally, the ones that cater to serious daters who are looking to get married. Once you find that, update your profile with a recent picture; write your qualifications in the BIO to impress your matches, and mention exactly what you expect from your match- good looks, caring, loving, and responsible- this would help you attract the right people and save you time and energy from chatting up the wrong matches that will go nowhere. These platforms are perfect for finding a compatible partner because you can, quite literally, filter through tons of people and find the one that suits you best.

Hope this helps. Best Wishes.
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Answered on Nov 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 29, 2024
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Me and my long distance boyfriend has been together for 9 years. We been together through toughest of time and been there for each other no matter what. We have been planning our future together for years ans had all plans to start our life together. Things were little tough when he moved abroad for studies 2.5 years ago but we kept putting our best efforts to be together, spend time and communicate. For past 6 months we’ve been fighting a lot, mainly because he kept asking me to come visit him. To solidify things more we started telling our parents about us and our plans. But recently he came to India for few weeks and while going through his phone for something, I found out he has been cheating on me for few months with someone I thought was his friend over there. Though I'm extremely hurt and feel betrayed, I’m unable to let go of him and of the thought that may be if we put in work, we can recover and come out stronger. But I’m just too emotional to know if I should take that risk of even considering a “maybe” for me and him. Needless to say I still love him a lot because I can’t switch off the feeling suddenly. I can’t get the chats and image of him being with someone for months out of my head. He keeps telling me she means nothing and it was out of loneliness but I don’t have the heart to believe anything he says. I just wanted to know if there is anything that can be done before giving up.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that you are in a lot of pain and indeed, cheating is unforgivable. You have been together for a long time and it is only natural that this betrayal would hurt you a lot. His reason for getting involved with another person, though there might be some truth to it, is still completely inexcusable. But, if you are still willing to give it another shot, the relationship has to start with a clean slate. More often than not, couples who want to make it work even after a case of infidelity in someone's part, cannot let go of that part. Though understandable, it isn't healthy and it inevitably leads to a breakup, an even bitter one than expected. So, discuss the event with your partner; let him know that you have not forgiven him yet but for the sake of the length of this relationship, you are willing to try and sort things out. If it was indeed out of loneliness, focus on that first. Effort has to be from both sides, though his a little more than yours. But if, at any time, you feel that you do not want to do this, you can reconsider. Trust, once broken, takes some time to heal. Give yourself that time and space. Don't jump into the relationship again- if it's meant to be, it will wait.

Best Wishes.
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