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Ravi

Ravi Mittal

Dating, Relationships Expert 

149 Answers | 16 Followers

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more

Answered on Feb 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 20, 2024Translate
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My husband caught me flirting with my ex who is also my best friend. I explained to him it was just healthy flirting and nothing else. Though he and I have never met or had any physical relations, my husband has now stopped talking to me. He feels we should file for divorce. Isn't he taking things too far?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

While you might have no wrong intentions, it is understandable for your partner to feel that your husband felt betrayed. It does not mean you were wrong, but at the same time, you should not be invalidating his feelings. Relationships are built on trust, and flirting with an ex, even if there's no intention of pursuing anything further, can still breach that trust for some people.

Your husband's reaction, while it may seem extreme to you, is a reflection of his feelings and boundaries. What might seem like harmless flirting to you could be interpreted differently by him, especially when you have a history with that person. Communication is key in situations like this. The best thing here is to talk things out, instead of assigning blame to each other.

Yes, there's a certain amount of "healthy flirting" that is acceptable in many relationships, but not all relationships. You have to figure out what is and what isn't acceptable in yours. It isn't a huge issue, but then again, it isn't our place to decide how much of a big deal it is for your husband. Sit together once things calm down a bit, talk openly, validate his feelings, and let him know that your intentions were not wrong. Also, couple's counseling might be beneficial in navigating these complex emotions and working through trust issues in your relationship. Ultimately, whether or not to pursue divorce is a decision that you both need to make together, definitely after careful consideration and discussion.

Best Wishes.
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Answered on Feb 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 30, 2023Translate
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I am 42 yrs old divorced man. I broked up 2 yrs ago and it was a terrible experience. Therefore currently I don't want any relationship. I live with my parents and they are quite aged now nearing 80 yrs. I am getting depressed by thoughts coming in my mind that how i will spend my life in future without my parents. I am always having fear of loosing them. Please advice some options to get out of this mental stage.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

Let me start by telling you that it is okay that you are feeling this way. It is only natural to feel some void after you lose a relationship and love. I understand it. Now, let's discuss some of the most effective ways to cope with it. First off, focus on yourself. Yes, having a partner can brighten up our lives, but that can only happen when we are content with ourselves first. Focus on what makes you happy as an individual. Take up some hobbies. Travel, read a book, go to the theater and watch a movie, go to a restaurant alone, hang out with friends, spend time with your family, and consider seeing a professional to take care of your mind along with your soul. Once you feel better and confident being alone, try dating. Dating apps are perfect for someone like you. More and more people are giving love a second shot on the apps and you can find someone who has been exactly where you are today and can empathize with you. It is not too late to fall in love again and find a companion for life. But all of that comes only after you work on yourself and give yourself time to heal and grow.

This sadness is temporary. It will pass. But consider seeing a counselor who can help you sort these feelings and work your way out of it.

Best Wishes.
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Answered on Feb 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 02, 2024Translate
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Hi, I am a 22 year old female with an engineering graduation passed before 6 months. I had an long term relationship with my boyfriend since 4.5 years. We both are from different cities of KA and currently in it's capital city. I socialize with my male friends, which my bf does'nt like and whenever we meet it always turns into a fight. During my college graduation day, I was told not to participate which I did'nt agreed yet participated. During this my bf saw me with my friends around me and slapped me in public. This happened many times. Even though I have had quite a intimate time with one of my classmate and kissed another one. I never had real S*x with anyone. The intimacy was only to show my anger on my bf. Now I changed my location after graduation, broke with my bf and now I have a deeper understanding & relationship with a man of 42 aged-married-2 kids and a yet good being. We both had good time, no trust issues, no s*x, yet intimacies for couple of times. He keeps me happy, joyful, helping me towards my profession and goal, respects, looks me well and yet never forced me for penetration. He has plans to fly to UK after 3-5 years and promised to take me with him supporting my profession. I was really contented and happy with this relationship. He even assured that marriage can happen between us, If I agree and If I can wait until he gets divorced from his wife. But one day, my ex bf friend called and said that he has met with an accident and is in severed health issues like (piles, kidney stones). He is basically a drunkyard. Seeing this I got agitated. Now I wanted to breakup with the current man and go back to by ex-bf because he is left alone and we had 4.5 years of relation. I don't whether I am correct or not, Please advise.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am not sure if you are right either way. Being in a relationship with a married man, who is yet to get divorce, is ethically incorrect, whether there is physical intimacy or not. At the same time going back to your ex merely because you feel sad for him is also not the right choice. You are yourself admitting that he is a drunkard and he was also controlling and above all he slapped you; there's no excuse for any form of physical abuse in a relationship. Being in love does not make it okay to hit your partner. Please understand that.

In my opinion, you should take some time to reflect on the choices you are making. I truly believe you deserve better than a man who hits you, tries to control you, and a man who is already committed to someone else. Please think about it and make better choices that will allow you to feel true happiness.

Best Wishes.
Asked on - Feb 19, 2024 | Answered on Feb 27, 2024
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Thank you, I might again need your honest advice again.
Ans: You are welcome :)
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Answered on Jan 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 15, 2024Translate
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My husband of 23 years is emotionally cheating on me. He has been in touch with his school friend for 7 yrs...some of the earlier texts he sent her were very intimate ( i am hungry for you, i miss you etc)..then he promised to break it off once i found out..fast forward to dec2023. He went to US for 3 wks..once he returbed he was distant with me. I suspected something and checked his phone...found him calling her 8 times a day...upon confronting he said he was meeting her since past year and also just talking with her...assured me no sex took place but i doubt it..i am so heartbroken..he has lied before so i dont trust him anymore. I am seeking counseling but still very deprrssed. He refuses to apologize or show any remorse..does not promise hw wont see her again. What to do? Give up 23 yrs of marriage???
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am very sorry to hear this. I understand that these are challenging times and kudos to you for taking necessary steps such as seeking the help of a counselor to take care of your mind. Now coming to your question- it's essential to reflect on whether you genuinely wish to continue a relationship with a partner who not only lacks respect for you and your marriage but also shows no remorse for their actions. If you're inclined to give this relationship a second chance, you need to set ground rules. Seeking the guidance of a marriage counselor can help address the issues that have surfaced over the past couple of years, working together to mend the broken aspects and build a stronger future. But if you do not want to continue, if you want to give up, if you think your partner does not deserve these efforts, it is okay. Do not feel guilty for choosing self-respect and sanity over your marriage.

I cannot directly ask you to give up, but I will encourage you to reflect on what would truly be best for you, not for your husband or society. You.

Best Wishes!
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Answered on Jan 30, 2024

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I am 43 year old unmarried male . I loves someone from my childhood and she also loves me but because of her family she agrees and got married to someone else and now she had one 12yr child. After her marriage I never kept contact with her respecting her decision for her family and assuming that she is living a happy life But during Corona-2021 she contacted me and told me about her life where her husband is in relationship with other married woman and is giving everything to that lady as his wife. She told these to her parents but because of some reason they both discussed and decided to accept it and continue it the way as it is. She told me that she loves me a lot and doesn’t feel complete without me. She is honest in her married life but after these incident she dont want to live there but unable to exit because of family condition. She told me she loves me and need me above all and everything in life she wants me to remain with her like her life partner but because of some compulsion she is not in a conditon to give our relationship a NAME in society. Everytimes she told me that she love me a lot and says that I am more than anything else in life to her and she does not want to lose me as well. We shares everything with each other like husband-wife. I am always there for her and will support her in all respect so that she became happy and lead a healthy life. But sometimes I feel that I shall come out from this as these will further destroy her disturbed life but at times I feel I don’t able to leave her and all I need is that she live a happy life and ready to do anything for these. What shall I do here? Please guide.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

It is refreshing to see someone so selfless as you. I understand and appreciate your love and how much you are ready to sacrifice for her. However, I would like to offer a suggestion – it's crucial to prioritize your own mental and emotional health in this situation. While it's unfortunate that she is dealing with challenges in her marriage, resorting to having an affair might not be the most constructive way to cope.

I suggest that she and her husband explore the option of seeking professional help through a marriage counselor. This could help them navigate the complexities of their relationship and make an informed decision about whether to continue their marriage or part ways. In case they decide to separate, it would be valid for you two to start a relationship and pursue a happy life together. But if they decide to remain married, I fear that you might end up sacrificing your own chance at a fulfilling love life. I realize that you might be okay with it, but it isn't fair to you.

I encourage you to have an open and honest discussion with her before committing to anything, ensuring that your feelings and well-being are also taken into account.

Best Wishes!
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Answered on Jan 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 19, 2024Translate
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I am 47 married and have a daughter of 16 years. From last two years I am madly in love with my colleague who is divorced living in our company campus. She is 35 and have two children of 18 and 16 years. She is from different religion and lives alone. She is extremely beautiful. She knows I am in love with her but refuses to accept. She sometimes cooks breakfast me and brings box for me. She is hardworking and respects me a lot. I want her love. I don't want any illegal affair. I tried to convey this many times directly or indirectly but failed to get her response. I am mad and can't think anything else apart from her. I am giving less attention to my family. What to do to get her love without any sexual affair.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

What you are asking is morally incorrect. Being married to someone and craving someone else's love isn't only crossing the line lines, speaking from a moral point of view, but it has other layers of complexities too. She is not reciprocating your feelings. Bringing you a lunchbox does not have to do with love. It can be because she considers you a friend. Whatever the reason, you are married. She has the freedom to love anyone she chooses because she isn't in a committed relationship. But you are. Other than respecting her boundaries, you should also focus on your marriage. Have better communication with your spouse. Marriage can become mundane after a few years, and such infatuations are not uncommon. But how you deal with it shapes your marriage and the person you are; put effort into bringing the spark back into your marriage.

Take some time to reflect on your current situation and the impact it may have on your marriage and family. If you find it challenging to navigate your emotions and relationships, consider seeking the guidance of a marriage counselor. Our emotions can be all over the place at times. But with a little guidance, it isn't hard to get it sorted.

The bottom line is that convincing her to love you back or convincing her that you love her is not what you should be focusing on here. I am sure you know it isn't right. Focus on your spouse of many years. If you cannot get rid of these feelings, address the issue with your wife and you both can decide the course of action from there.

Best Wishes.
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Answered on Jan 10, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 10, 2024Translate
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My husband loves his office more than me. He works long hours and spends his weekends organising trips and lunch dates with colleagues. He is always away from home. Whenever I ask him, he says networking is important to him and this is what keeps him happy. Since he is always away from home, I feel very lonely at home. We hardly get any time together. Is it wrong to expect your partner to spend time with his wife and family? Whenever we have this conversation at home, it leads to arguments. How can I address this correctly?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand that these conversations can be tricky to nail. First of all, I am sorry you have to go through this challenging phase. And it is valid to want to spend some quality time with your spouse. An open and direct conversation about the issue is the only way to deal with it. Choose the right time and place to address the issue. Don't bring up the topic as soon as he is back from office. He'd be tired and it would make you look like the bad guy even though the reality is far from it. Find a calm and private setting to discuss your feelings. Use "I statement" to express your feelings. For instance, don't say, "You make me feel lonely because of this time issue." Instead frame it like, "I feel so lonely because of the time issue." This way, he won't feel attacked and won't get defensive. Moreover, don't say, "We never spend time together," because this will be challenged with demands for example. Give concrete examples of instances when you felt neglected or missed out on quality time together. This can help him understand the impact his busy schedule is having on your relationship.

Now these are how you address the issue. There's more to it. You also have to acknowledge his perspective. If he says networking is important, it might hold some truth. Show him that you understand his commitments. This will make the conversation more cooperative than confrontational. Instead of merely complaining, come up with solutions and present them to him. This could include setting aside specific days or hours for family time, planning activities together, or finding compromises that work for both of you. Listen to his side of the story too. Let him express himself.

If none of these seem to improve the matter, I recommend seeing a professional for more structured support. Please understand that there's no shame in seeing a marriage counselor. It does not mean your marriage needs fixing or it's a bad marriage or it's falling apart. It simply means you need a little help to figure out certain arenas of marriage. We all do from time to time. Moreover, A neutral third party, who is trained on this specific subject, can provide better guidance and help facilitate productive communication.

Best Wishes!
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Answered on Jan 08, 2024

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Hello, I am 41 year old professional. I had met my husband before marriage though social media 5 years back and thereafter maintaining distance relationship and meeting occasionally for 3 years we got married in 2021. It was a struggle for marriage as it was inter caste and inter religious marriage. Everything was smooth in relationship to the fact that I’m responsible for all financial matters as my husband has no job. He is still trying and looking for job. I didn’t mind much but would encourage him to get the job to be mentally and physically fit. Last year we went to his nephews marriage to his village. It was of 7 day programme. On second day I noticed him watching another women ( nephews mother’s sister who has 2 daughters) At that time I didn’t pay attention. After 2 days on a night function I saw my husband texting from far but he looked at that lady again. She also seemed to texting. I became suspicious. Later that night when he came to room I asked to show him his phone he was reluctant. I had to snatch his phone and I saw that he was texting the same lady and in that had asked her to meet her alone. and asking her where he can meet her. I gnashed cried and made a huge scene coz this was not what I had expected. He tried to convince that she was his girlfriend of past and suddenly after seeing her after sometime he only wanted to talk to her. I only asked her ... why alone? He had told me during dating that she had a girlfriend ( never told her identity) and that she has married and moved on. Feeling cheated I could not sleep but only cried that night and in the morning if we can return to our city. Programme had not finished but he agreed and we left. Since then that night and those days still haunt me ; thinking what didn’t I do to love him so much and in return we get cheated. I’m still with him, but mentally I still feel cheated and still am in doubt that he is in touch with her. I am not able to do my duties as part of my mind thinks he cheats me though I have confronted many times on this and he denies that he is not in touch with her Should I leave him or continue with this marriage? We still don’t have any baby.
Ans: Dear Vandana

I understand how heartbreaking it can be to find out your spouse is cheating. I would only tell you one thing- if the thought of leaving him has crossed your mind even once, it is worth sitting down and introspecting. If you happen to come to an understanding that separation would be what's best for you, have an open and clear discussion with your spouse. If he agrees to change his ways, you can give it another shot. But that's completely up to you. No one can force you to give him a second chance. As you said, you don't still have a child and it is best to come to a decision before there is a child in the equation. If your husband does not care about it and sticks to his behavior, there will remain not a shred of doubt that separation is the right choice. But before all of that, take a beat and think. Not from a place of anger and grudge. Calm yourself and think if you are reading too much into the situation or if is it actually as bad as it looks. It will be tough, but it is important because the rest of your life depends on it.

Best Wishes!
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Answered on Jan 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 20, 2023Translate
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Hi, I am 47 yrs old male. I married in year 2000 to a girl who was 22yrs at that time. She was type 1 diabetic from the age of 8 on insulin 4 times a day. in 2004 both her kidneys failed and she underwent kidney transplantation ( her father donated). she survived with donated kidney for 10 years and in 2014 july the transplanted kidney also failed and she was put under Heamodialysis 4 times a week. Unfortunately she get High BP, contracted Hepatitis B during blood transfusion and got Thyroid. During the Covid first wave she tested 5 times positive and had to be in ICU for 45 days with 38 dialysis done ( 3 dialysis continously in a day for 2 times). In spite of all this she passed away last February. I feel lonely now as my mother is no more and my dad is aged. I dont have any children. I am in a dilemna whether I should look for another marriage or should i lead the life being single as I am skeptcial whether the person who might marry me be either good or even worse? Kindly advise
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am very sorry for your loss. I can understand how painful it must be for you. And there is no doubt that you are lonely after losing one of the most important people in your life. Coming to your question, yes, it is completely understandable that you want company and you should look for a partner, but only if you think you have processed your grief and are ready to move on. Loneliness can make us rush things but it won't fill the void created by your long-term partner. So, keep this in mind before seeking another relationship.

If you think you are ready to accept love and you understand that one person cannot fill the space of another, I would say go for it. Why not? You have every right to be happy; after all, you have to live the rest of your life. About being skeptical about whether a new partner will be nice, it is always a gamble. But the trick is to have regular interaction and try to get to know them beyond the surface level. Have a long chatting phase before jumping into a commitment. The goal should not be to get married immediately, but rather to take your time and find the person who is most compatible with you and makes you feel happy and content.

Best Wishes.
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Answered on Jan 03, 2024

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Hi Ravi, I had written to you earlier and your advice truly helped me. Hence, I write to you again. I was going around with a Punjabi girl and we used to get along very well despite the fact that she was posh and I'm not. Once her insensitive behaviour hurt me and I was very rude to her. I later realised that she was deeply shocked by my outburst and the poor girl went into depression. In fact she had to go for rehab as well. I sank into guilt and after she was back from rehab, I tried patching up with her desperately. However, as I was half expecting, she refused to continue being friends with me and stopped taking my calls. I saw this coming but I still find it difficult to deal with the emptiness at times. My friends ask me to read a lot but I feel books can never be a substitute to female company. Please advise on how I can cope with my loneliness. Thank you
Ans: Dear Kanishka,

I am glad I was of help. Also, I am sorry to hear how you are feeling but trust me it will pass. You are right, books can never be a substitute for companionship but they can be a great escape from the mundane realities of life. While you don't need to escape the truth all the time because accepting it is also crucial, doing so once in a while can be good for your mental health. Moreover, books widen your horizons and help you gain more perspective than one. Now I am not pushing you to become an avid reader; I am merely saying that your friend isn't wrong here. It sounds like a decent suggestion.

Coming to how you can overcome loneliness, let's get to the basics- meet your close friends, people who make you feel whole. Spend time with your family. Invest time in yourself, on your growth. You can hit the gym; it's one of the most productive habits and does wonders for not just your body but your mind too. Take up a hobby. It can be anything. The goal is to stay busy. After all that, take out some half hour a day to feel all the sadness and loneliness you are feeling, acknowledge it, and comfort yourself. Slowly you will realize that alone does not always mean lonely.

One more thing I would like to recommend is seeing a counselor if things don't improve with time. Time and again we need a little help to feel better, be it physically or mentally. You don't have to do it all alone.

Best Wishes!
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Answered on Jan 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 02, 2024Translate
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Please answer my question. I know it's long but I am really in a very bad situation. I am a girl. I love a guy and he also loves me but he is in a relationship since 2 years with another girl. We all three know know each other. Actually me and that guy came into contact because of our work and then we also started our business together. He was in a relationship and I was also in a relationship. Then i went through a breakup. At 1st we were very good friend and her girlfriend is also like a friend only but not as close. Me and the guy are very much compatible with each other in every aspect even our career goals are also similar, our caste is also same(in our areas caste matters a lot) and I belive compatibility is a big factor for we having feeling for each other and also proximity because of work. It happens after my breakup, I got the hint that he is having feelings for me which he told me indirectly but i told him that i will never see you from that perspective as i was decided that i am never going to like a guy who is committed and also for other reasons. But later I fell for him and talked to him directly, we both confessed our feeling for each other. We both love each other so much. But later I realised that I confessed assuming that since he can like me even being in relationship it means he don't have feelings for her now so if he will know that I also like him he will breakup with that girl. And he never though this kind of situation will come because he thought I could never like him as I made it clear to him earlier. Now we are stuck in a situation where our work is involved. We both are co-founders of a 3 co-founding member organization and that girl is also doing volunteering with our organization. I also had good relations with her. They both are from different caste but the guy committed her to marry her and now the his girlfriend do not want to breakup with him, she is saying she will do something suicide type if he won't marry her and she has also conveyed the same thing to her family as her family used to be against their relationship because of their caste but now because of the girl's behaviour they are convinced and it is creating a pressure for this guy, he is stuck. I am also stuck because we know that we are perfect for each other but he is scared that if he breakup with her she might do something and if he do not choose me then it will affect our work/career because I feel like if he won't choose me I won't be able to be in contact with him but it will cost our organization. He has requested me that if I don't choose you because of the situation, atleast let's maintain our friendship as you are like my strength and I can't behave like ki I don't know you and also because of our work but i think even if i try i won't be able to fulfill his this request if he won't choose me. Additionally, I am also getting pressure from my family because of my age but I am feeling stuck. I also feel guilty for that girl because i knew they were in relationship but I still have strong feelings for me and he also. Me and that guy is so stuck that it feels like our life will be ruined as everything is at stake from career to family.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am really sorry to hear about the tricky situation you are in. I understand that it's painful and it almost seems impossible to move on from this guy but trust me, it will be for the best. If he picks you and leaves his now-girlfriend, you'd forever suffer from a guilty conscience and god forbid she actually resorts to self-harm. It is entirely their matter. Let him convince her that their relationship is meaningless because he is already in love with someone else. It's not your part to play. You cannot be the one to ask him to break up or pick you. I know that sucks, but that's the reality of it.

In my opinion, you can create a little distance between the two of you. Let him decide. You or her, or maybe he can just pick himself. But please don't choose him because the blame will later land on you. You take care of yourself and protect your mind. It seems impossible to unlove him but trust me, you deserve someone much more uncomplicated. The moment you realize that you will move on instantly.

Best Wishes!
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Answered on Dec 21, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 20, 2023Translate
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Hello I am married 42 male. I m in love with a lady who is also married for the last 2 yr . We met through matrimony prior both of our marriage in 2015. She has many relationships till date with colleagues and also with her husband boss. Inspite of knowing this , I am unable to come out of the relationship. Also she used to tell me she doesn't love me.i hv already spent around 1.5 lakhs for buying gifts
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

You are indulging in a very toxic relationship and my only advice is to get out of it as quickly as possible. First off, it's unethical. You are married and that makes it cheating. Secondly, the woman is clearly not in love with you, and she has been vocal about it. You are wasting your time, energy, and money on someone who does not care for you. I am sorry that you have to go through this, but it's the truth.

Best Wishes!
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Answered on Dec 19, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2023Translate
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Answered on Dec 14, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 26, 2023Translate
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Dear sir, I am a widow of 44 yrs reputed officer and I am also working at a reputed post. I have a daughter also. 2 yrs back I gave a matrimoni adv on a online site for remarriage. I received a call from an Sr. Scientist. I was serious about this because he was a nice educated fellow and working as scientist, his case of divorce was in process, which he told that it is going to over soon. After around two months talk over the phone I liked the person and I met him. I liked him, later I invited him at my place as well as I also visited his place we came close to each other physically. Every thing was going fine he shared so many things about his family and wife as well as I also shared. Everything was going on fine suddenly he changed his nature and started avoiding and ignoring me. He told me that I will bring you my home nicely. Now we have fought. I am telling home to meet face to face. he is threatening me and me that if you will meet me and co e toy place will ruin you. Now he is running from me and telling go away and blocked me from all social media. He has used me and left me after wasting my two years. I am at a juncture of life that after my daughter I will be alone. Now after this cheating i have got so scared that not able to belive on any one. What should I do? Should I meet him once at his place? Should I tell all story to his father? I feel depression and anxiety. What should I do pl suggest.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry to hear about the issues you are facing. You certainly did not deserve it. I suggest you hold your head high and do not contact him again. If he has blocked you and is trying to cut you out of his life, that's his loss. You are missing nothing losing a man like that. Count your blessings that you did not end up committing to him and bringing your daughter into the equation. Look at the bright side; you dodged a bullet.

There are plenty of kind and genuine men who would be lucky to partner up with you. Do not give up on love. Take your time; heal from this. I am sure it isn't easy to get back into the dating field and, on top of everything, have an experience like this. But this is just one man; everyone is not the same. You will surely find someone much better and worthy. As for what to do with him- just leave. Do not try to contact and do not take him back if he tries to come back. You deserve more.

Best Wishes!
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Answered on Dec 08, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 07, 2023Translate
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I am 40 year old and married for 14 years but what happened in 2011 was me n my wife was working in a same company and my wife became close to a colleague on the same floor we work. She was very friendly n one day her colleague proposed her via her friend my wife didn't tell me n she felt very excited about it and after she became very friendly with him after few days she was ignoring me and she expressed her feelings too.but soon she realised she is going wrong and i noticed her changed behaviour and soon she started ignoring tht guy but he came n offered her chocolate and my wife informed me saying this guy's intentions I ask her to tie raakhi she tried but he was running away later we logged out she asked me to stop him and I forced him to him to tie raakhi and my wife was tying and he said I love u. I gve a tight slap to tht guy. Soon after he left the job. We were still working and left the office n joined different companies.after 6 months she went to same office for 2 months. And suddenly she left the job.Now after 12 years her TL met with my ex colleague and shared he working in tht office my colleague asked hey in tht same office my friend was working with his wife and her TL said ohh yeah his wife had n affair with other guy and he asked his wife to raakhi. And my ex colleague called me n said the same to me and since then I have so many doubts on my wife and after few days she confessed she had feelings for him and she already knew he likes her and she said it was just a feeling. Now we are having difference between us. Please help what can be done now I'm getting disturbed alot. 12 years this was secret.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry to hear that you are facing such issues. Doubt is very destructive in a relationship. It's important to have an open and honest conversation with your partner regarding what happened in the past. Don't push her to give you all the details; it will not contribute positively to your well-being. Aim for a more balanced and productive discussion.

You have to recognize that all these happened many years back. It's in the past. And you cannot change it. While it's essential to acknowledge and understand them, dwelling on them may impact your peace of mind. Focus on the present and try to build a more transparent and communicative relationship in the present. Take this opportunity to work together and strengthen your marriage.

Best Wishes!
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Answered on Dec 04, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 03, 2023Translate
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Hi. I am 36 yrs old divorcee and the person whom I dating from past 4 years is recently divorced (when we started dating, his case was subjudice). From past 1.5 years, his behaviour is on and off. He took a break for 3 months, now also someday he talks and then disappear for days and I constantly supported him by giving him benefit of doubt as he was going through divorce (as I already had gone through that phase). But, even now he is not talking anything about commitment or our future. I am stuck with this. I even started seeing other guys too on matrimonial sites, but find that they too have a commitment phobia. Now, I am hopeless and don't get it what to do? please suggest.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am so sorry that you are facing so many issues. I understand that it can be frustrating but rest assured it will get better. Coming to the issue you are facing with your partner, I suggest having a clear conversation about it with him. Tell him how you are feeling about his on-again-off-again attitude. Make it clear to him that you won't be waiting forever for him to commit. Do not just say it because you want to give him an ultimatum, rather mean it because you should not compromise your mental health and self-respect for anyone. If your partner still does not change his ways, it might do you good to reconsider the relationship and put down some ground rules.

About the guys you met- in today's dating scene, some people are hesitant about commitment, but it does not mean every single person has the same fear; for instance, take a look at yourself. You are ready to commit. There are many like you. To find like-minded men, try dating apps known for serious relationships. Write a clear bio about what you're looking for to attract the right match. Ask friends and family to set you up with people looking for a committed relationship to save time and energy.

Best Wishes!
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Answered on Dec 01, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 23, 2023Translate
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Hi Ravi, I am 40 yrs old and have been married to my lwife for 12 years. There has been many issues between us ranging from my family's behaviour towards her, my failures in meeting her expectations especially behavioural patterns/attention. Her complain towards me is that I didn't give her the kind of attention and affection which she deserved. I acknowledge that because I struggled very hard in my initial phase of career. In today's scenario she has totally lost interest in me and get attracted towards men who even shows some attention towards her. This is has happened a couple of times. Whenever I countered her for these incidents she tell that it was I who forced her to do all this. I am ready to commit my efforts to make our relationship better but she says she can't have those kind of feelings again for me. She is under constant stress and anxiety due to this and is affecting her health a lot. She is a good person by nature so I don't want to leave her but considering the toxicity of the relation and her deteriorating health due to this relation I suggested her to get separated but she says that she can't divorce because of family/other issues. I can see her struggle/pain in this forced relationship and wanted to help her but can't find out the way. Please help.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand that you are in a tricky situation and appreciate that you are putting your partner's needs first. In this situation, there's really no one to blame. You could not give her the attention she deserved but there was always a genuine reason for it. It would have been the right choice to separate since she declared her disinterest in the marriage but even that doesn't seem like an option. There's only one thing left, to peacefully co-exist and continue to put in the effort you couldn't in all those years. Continue to live with mutual respect for the marriage, if not love. Put up some ground rules- things that you are comfortable with her doing and things you aren't; consider going for marriage counseling. Professional help can give you the structured support to bring your marriage back on track, slowly but considerably more than trying your own tricks.

One more thing, don't forget to take care of your mental health. If your wife does not want to seek counseling, you can always go for it. It helps us dig deep and gain clarity over what is important and what should not burden us.

Best Wishes.
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Answered on Dec 01, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 22, 2023Translate
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Hi, myself is 31 years old guy and I was in relationship with the women (collegue of mine in previous company) who is married and had 1 son and she is 9 years elder then me. Basically I was going through a tough time as I had breakup in 2017 and started drinking and smoking which usually everybody does after a heartbreak. In year 2019 she got to know about my drinking habits and she starting giving her time to me so that I stop all this things. She used to behind me to stop all these things but gradually after a year or so we started developing feelings for each other. We used to talk to a lot like almost we used to share everything and in year 2020 we got into relation and we proposed each other. Everything was fine till 2021. In year 2021 I went for a group picnic where my Ex was also present and my biggest mistake was that I didn't shared this thing with her but she got to know this from one of our common collegue who was also part of the picnic & after that disaster started in our life. She started doubting me that I am still in relation with my Ex but I was not there & continuously I have to prove myself that I don't have any feelings for my ex & I love you only. I was ready to do anything for her even just to surprise her I travel to her city where she went on vacation to her parents house. But unfortunately that was the last time we were together the moment I came to my hometown things started getting worse as she again started doubting me and in anger I just burst on her and after that she stopped talking and bcz of which I went into a depression and due to which I was completely mess was not able to do anything in my life except drinking. Now it has been 2 years that we don't talk except only on some occasion she calls or msg. Still I am having the same feeling for her which I had 3 years back & I need her back in my life. Please suggest me what should I do in this scenario.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry to hear you are facing such challenges in your life. Doubt and jealousy can ruin a relationship and your relationship is proof of that. While you might not have had bad intentions when you did not reveal your ex being present in the gathering with you, it is also understandable that your partner's trust suffered a crack which finally gave away completely. The thing to learn here is that open communication could have saved you all these sufferings. But that's all in the past. Right now you are separated from your partner and I assume she is not interested in getting back together. Your question should not be how to get her back, but rather how can I move on. Your job is not to convince her but to convince yourself that this is for the best. And it truly is; no relationship can survive in the shadows of doubt.

Focus on yourself. Spend time with your friends. Understand that you made a tiny mistake but you tried your best to convince your partner of your loyalty to her; it did not work out but you are not to blame. Some things just don't, and your relationship was one of those things. Forgive yourself if you feel guilty for not disclosing the situation to your partner. You know you were not a cheater and it's no longer your job to convince her of that. Give yourself ample time to grieve the loss and accept that it's lost. Don't keep looking for ways to get back together or you will never move on. It will hurt in the beginning but it will get better soon. Once you feel better, go out and meet people. I am not saying your ex-partner wasn't great but trust me, there are more people out there, who are amazing; they will help you not just heal but also grow.

It's time to let go.

Best Wishes!
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Answered on Nov 24, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 03, 2023Translate
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I am in my 40s and trying to find love online. I notice that a lot of people online are not serious about relationships. How do I filter through profiles and find genuine ones? I am not looking for one night stands. Matrimony apps are usually monitored by parents. How do I filter these challenges and find someone I can spend my life with?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand that dating in your 40s can be challenging given that you are ready to settle and most people you meet are still exploring their options before finally settling down. With a strategic approach, you can increase the chances of finding genuine connections.

1) Craft a thoughtful and detailed profile that reflects your values and relationship goals. Make sure to mention what you want and what you have to offer in the BIO to attract people whose preference aligns with yours.
2) While browsing through profiles, pay attention to the content of their bios. You can learn a lot about people from it.
3) Once you find a match, make sure to be clear with your intention to steer away anyone looking for a casual relationship.
4) Choose your dating app carefully. There are apps that cater to daters looking for casual flings and then there are apps that are mostly for serious daters.

Also, remember that patience is key; finding a life partner takes time. You can be selective but not so much that you restrict yourself from having a good time while finding a life partner. Dating should not feel like a business deal; if it does, you are doing it wrong.

Best Wishes!
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Answered on Nov 22, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2023Translate
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Hi Ravi, I am currently in relationship of almost 7 years but after the COVID there was some conflict or no contact with my partner just because of a scenario. I always used to order some food for her at his flat. Let me clear one things we were in a long term relationship that time. So I ordered food and she got the order then called me in the night with a different voice tone, I said yes then It felt odd. Then she said someone is here I will call you back. Then she didn't so I called her after 2 hour she rejected and after sometime messaged me on whatsapp that deleted everything our chats and conversation because she caught by his brother (who is 10 years older than her), she told me to not contact her she will call or message only. I got scared I deleted all chats because her brother is so rude and arrogant. After 10 days she called me and said we are not going further with this relationship now on we will not be in touch, I was devastated by listening these things so I tried my best to make her understand that I will talk to your parents or brother but she denied NO and said I will again talk with bro. After these scenario she tried not to contact me and I kept trying to reach out to her via messanger because she has blocked me from everywhere. I cried alot in first 2 month then I started to link all those things that she said and try to find out the matter ( note - she got lot of friends) so I found that she in her flat then I got the tickets and go there to see what is happening I waited for the whole day then in the evening I go upstairs and open the doors, she got scared h and stunned by seeing me and I saw a guy in the flat they having hookah then I said give me my stuff and ask her to talk for the final tine 10 min downstairs. She said not now then didn't came. I took my stuff nd leave the next day I tried to over come this situation nd reaching out to his bro but didn't get connected. She also called me the next day nd her frnd but I was not able to talk. After we got disconnected for sometime. And I am a person who always wanted to know the truth behind the things because I can't live with these traumas in my mind so I tried contacting her asked lot of time why did you do that nd all but kept denying that he is just a friend. After sometime on day she came with sone massages nd saying my mom is not good nd there is nothing going well in my house plss sorry nd all so I took it normally but after sometime we got attracted again little bit then realise that we can try atleast once to be together. I know she loves me but I don't like her priorities she always put his frnds over me. Idk what to do pls tell me the way to cop up with this thing. Also I still have in mind that she has something to tell me about that boy but not telling me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand how challenging it must be for you; I get that you are considering giving it another shot, but please be careful. If there is any doubt, anything at all, do address that right now before you are knee-deep in the relationship again. I suggest you tell your partner to first sit and clear out everything that happened before you two broke up and explain how you need a clean slate and for that, you have to know the truth.

If you suspect cheating in the past breakup, be cautious about getting back together and thinking it through. Do you want to patch things up because you love her or is the idea of being together again more comfortable than the idea of having to move on? We go back to the same person, even if it's toxic for us because there's comfort in familiarity, not because it's the best choice. It's time for introspection. Also, don't feel guilty about saying no to getting back together if it's not the right decision for you. Whether it was family issues or infidelity, she chose what seemed best for her at the time, and it's okay for you to do the same.

Best Wishes!
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Answered on Nov 16, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 16, 2023Translate
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Hello Ma'm, My would be wife was an employee of a Private bank & got herself involved in a scam. We fought the legal battle for last 3-4 years, but last year HC ruling went against her & since then she has been jailed. Another 2 years plus term remaining. The prison stay probably has weakened her as off lately she is constantly pushing to break off, says things like forget me & I am not worth you, etc. I keep telling her during the visit hours that I am there for her, but, kind of emotionally she is not able to cope up. Pls guide as I am unable to figure out how to keep her well emotionally. Worried if the relationship wont face any damage.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I'm truly sorry to hear about the difficult situation you and your partner are going through. I understand it is an immensely difficult situation and supporting your partner at the moment is tricky too. First off, it's commendable that you're committed to being there for her. I'd advise you to constantly reassure her and share your own emotions and thoughts, reinforcing that you are committed to the relationship. Next up, try to understand her perspective and why she is pushing for a breakup. It is difficult for you but I am sure it is more difficult for her. Acknowledge the challenges she is facing. This part is important. Be in touch constantly with phone calls, letters, and visits; it will provide a sense of stability and support. Here's one more thing that will cheer her up- make plans for the near and distant future. This will help her realize that this hardship will pass and that normal and better days are right around the corner. It will keep her going and help her remain positive. Lastly, I'd say, take care of yourself. It is very easy to ignore your own needs when your loved one needs more focus and attention. It can take a toll on you. Make sure you're seeking support as well. And if at any point all of these seem too much, don't feel guilty. It is a challenging situation and you have every right to feel overwhelmed.

Best wishes!
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