My husband caught me flirting with my ex who is also my best friend. I explained to him it was just healthy flirting and nothing else. Though he and I have never met or had any physical relations, my husband has now stopped talking to me. He feels we should file for divorce. Isn't he taking things too far?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
While you might have no wrong intentions, it is understandable for your partner to feel that your husband felt betrayed. It does not mean you were wrong, but at the same time, you should not be invalidating his feelings. Relationships are built on trust, and flirting with an ex, even if there's no intention of pursuing anything further, can still breach that trust for some people.
Your husband's reaction, while it may seem extreme to you, is a reflection of his feelings and boundaries. What might seem like harmless flirting to you could be interpreted differently by him, especially when you have a history with that person. Communication is key in situations like this. The best thing here is to talk things out, instead of assigning blame to each other.
Yes, there's a certain amount of "healthy flirting" that is acceptable in many relationships, but not all relationships. You have to figure out what is and what isn't acceptable in yours. It isn't a huge issue, but then again, it isn't our place to decide how much of a big deal it is for your husband. Sit together once things calm down a bit, talk openly, validate his feelings, and let him know that your intentions were not wrong. Also, couple's counseling might be beneficial in navigating these complex emotions and working through trust issues in your relationship. Ultimately, whether or not to pursue divorce is a decision that you both need to make together, definitely after careful consideration and discussion.
Best Wishes.