Home > Relationship > Ravi Mittal

Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help

Ravi

Ravi Mittal

Dating, Relationships Expert 

223 Answers | 29 Followers

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more

Answered on Jun 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 07, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi I am a 35-year-old woman and my husband is 45. we are made for each other couple. we love each other and we do not have any compatibility issues except in romance. he is not very romantic and even throughout my younger years I was also not very romantic and immersed myself in studies and career. He is not very active in sex also. A few years back I told him that I wanted to be romantic after marriage and now we are not, so I missed my college and early office days when I was in my prime and could have been romantically involved with guys. Since I look very young even at 35, he suggested that I still can move around with guys and get romantic and I need not miss anything even now. though initially declining the offer, I moved a little freely toward men, mostly colleagues, and a few social club members. I encouraged late-night messages, coffee meets, movies, etc. I update my husband on every single event that happens. ex, if I went to a movie with a colleague, I will message my hubby " We kissed", if that happened. he encourages me so much and is happy with whatever is happening, cutting a long story short. though I didn't think it would go so far, I am now romantically very active. soft romance-like messages I do with many. Dating I don't say no to my known circle like colleagues, ex-colleagues, college mates, etc and almost 2-3 times a week I end up dating someone in a coffee shop, pub, or a long drive. A few times I initiate a date too. and I must confess that I have regular intimacy with four young men, all from the same office where I work. I have never hidden anything from my hubby and give a complete account every day. I offered to stop everything any moment he said. but he told me till age is there enjoy life!. I am emotionally connected to my husband only and I do all my responsibilities as a woman. Our relationship has grown manifold. My only question is, am I exploiting my husband's innocence or does he have a cuckold fantasy? If I continue the way I continue with no harm to anyone, can I keep doing it ( I love to). or I should stop at once?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

After reading your question I understood that your partner and you have, what we call, an open relationship. As long as both partners are okay with the dynamics of it, and no one is emotionally hurt, or resisting, it should be okay. It isn't exploitation if your husband himself encourages you. You are both consenting adults and not harming each other or anyone else. As for your question, if he has a cuckold fantasy, that is something you should discuss with your husband. An open discussion is better than speculation. Also, at any time if you suspect that your husband is growing concerned about the nature of your relationship, ask him directly. It can help avoid misunderstandings.


Best Wishes
(more)

Answered on Jun 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 16, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hello sir mai 28 year ki hoo mai abhi llb kar rahi hoo mai last 7 year se relationship mai hoo vo mujse 25 year bade hai saruaat 1 to 2 year inhone muje bhot priorities di ab hum 3 to 4 month mai kabhi milte hai hum dono alag alag city mai hai unki bhot badi family hai or finincially bhi problem chal rahi hai last 3 yaer se vo.muje priority nai de rahe hum.roj bat karte hai vo mera khyal bhi rakhte hai lekin muje unse ab dur nai hona mene sadi na karne ka decisions Liya hai lekin kitni bar bhot akela feel karti hoo vo muje itna time nai dete phele jaisa nai hai aisa lagta hai.fir vo ku6 help kar de ya pyar se bat bhi kar le.to.lagta hai sab theek hai mai.bhot confused hoo mai.kya karu muje kya karna chahiye ..
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

Dating someone older than you is not the problem, but the fact that you are making major life decisions based on what he wants and doesn't want is concerning. I am guessing that you decided to not get married because he doesn't want it either. Is that fair to you? You yourself mentioned that you often feel lonely. Don't you think you deserve better? Don't you deserve someone who would love you and would like to spend the rest of their life with you? Please reconsider this relationship. Speak to your partner and ask him what his plans are for the future. Does he want to settle down with you? How will you two continue this relationship in the future? There are many important questions that need answering. Sort them out and you will have the solution to your dilemma.


Best Wishes.
(more)

Answered on Jun 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 06, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I'm Actually what happened was, I have my friend a week before, we had our great friendship for a couple of days, as cuz she is new in the hostel she don't know anyone so I'm her 1st friend, level of friendship is like she spends almost 16-17 hrs of the day with me like from morning 8 to night 1-2 pm She is sleeping or doing her stuffs all the time and I'm doing my online lectures and studying with her After a couple of days a guy, being jealous of me, tell her bad things about me (badbitching), Then she started GHOSTING me Now neither she came to talk to me nor i go Now I'm in dilemma whether i should go to talk to her or leave her Or should i tell my friend to talk to her Bcuz, i dont want to lose her Kindly help me to get out of the dillemaaaa????
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry that you are being ghosted by someone you thought was a friend. You have two options- one, you wait and watch if she comes around. Two, give one shot at having an open dialogue with her. You can directly ask her what has happened and if she mentions the things she heard about you, you can try and clear it up. Now, she might not want to speak to you owing to whatever it is that she heard. I suggest not trying to convince her because it is her choice and you should not be intruding. Moreover, a real friend would have asked you about the things she heard, instead of ghosting you. It is not on you to clear your name, especially when you have not done those things. Aim for better friendships instead of trying to fix the new ones that did not turn out the way you wanted them to.

Best wishes.
(more)

Answered on Jun 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 02, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
My name is Faraha. Don't want to share my last name. I am 25 year old and working in a MNC in Bangalore. I met a guy at office who is a Hindu and we fell in love. It has been 1 years since we are into relationship, we both have agreed to become life partner and both have agreed not change religion and continue living as we are now. My parents are looking for alliance for me and they want to marry me off to a cousin working in middle East. I am not at all interested as well grew up together as a brother and sister and I have no feeling towards him. My mother tried to convenience me saying things will be better after marriage, and I dnt have courage enough to tell them about my relationship at work. I don't want to marry against my will and at the same time I don't want to break my parents heart. How do I come out of this situation? Please advice ..I have no rights to take decision on my life partner like other woman has? Why am I being published? I just want to marry the guy I love ...
Ans: Dear Faraha,

I am so sorry that you are in a situation where you feel you have no right to choose your own partner. I understand your dilemma. The only advice I can give right now is you speak to your parents about your wish not to marry the man they found for you. You can be honest and tell them your concerns. If you are not ready to disclose your relationship right now, that is okay. But the important thing is to not get forced into marrying someone you are neither attracted to nor comfortable with; you are an adult and you have every right to choose your partner. Having said that, I know how incredibly difficult it can be to convince parents. Clear and open communication is the only way. Once you can convince them to not go forward with this current alliance, you can slowly bring up the matter of your relationship. Not right away, but once things have cooled down a bit. I hope everything works out for you.

Best Wishes.
(more)

Answered on Jun 06, 2024

Listen
Relationship
I am 25 yrs old software engineer. I fell in love with 29 yrs old girl who is my online friend. I have already confessed her about my feelings. She don't have any feelings for me but on asking she shows some confusion as If in future she might think about me and she says she wants to focus on herself. She also had a break up few months back with her bf. Now she is so much irritated that she asked space for 2 months now from me. She doesnt give me a clear no. what should i do next and how can i make her feel for myself as she consider me a good person? Also what does she want in her head?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry that you are in this situation. Asking for space in a relationship is completely alright, but doing so because they are irritated is not a sign of a healthy relationship. Moreover, in my experience, if a person does not give a clear yes or no, they are not sure about you and they will keep you on the hook as an option. What will happen after? They might find someone whom they believe is better than you, and they will move on. And you, on the other hand, will be left heartbroken and would have wasted precious years of your life when you could have been enjoying your life or even falling in love with someone who is sure about you. So take my advice, and instead of trying to convince her that you are good, focus on yourself, just the way she is focusing on herself. You deserve a person who isn't confused or finds your company irritating. I am sure she is amazing, but so are you.

Best Wishes.
(more)

Answered on Jun 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 31, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I am in 6 years relationship with my girlfriend. Recently I don't feel the vibes with my girlfriend. She judges me a lot in each aspect, I can adjust upto certain limits, but she other 3-4 days finds a reason to get upset about me. We patch up only if I win her over , this has happened a couple of 100 times. Please suggest, I am getting this feeling that I must chase something better. I have talked with her , that if she doesn't like me then marry other guy. She says, it's my decision, you don't teach me anything. After few days she becomes normal. What should I do , I m confused.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry that you are facing these problems. First of all, the spark fizzling out in a relationship is very normal, especially in a long-term relationship. You have two options-

One- tell her about your concerns. The fact that the constant quarrels bother you should be expressed in words. You can't assume that your partner will get it by herself. After having a clear discussion about the same, both of you can put equal effort into bringing back the initial spark. Try spending more quality time, pursue some shared hobbies, learn to problem-solve without getting into a heated fight, and more.

Two- you can reconsider this relationship. Once you have tried everything from your end to make things better and tried to reason with your partner but she is still keeping up the same temperament or you are still facing the same issues, you are allowed to rethink your choice to be with her. It's okay to put yourself first once in a while. It is a relationship today; tomorrow it will be a marriage and if things are still not going great, both of you might end up regretting it.

But before going to the second option, try the first.

Best Wishes.
(more)

Answered on Jun 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 01, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi. I am female. I got attracted to this male. But it is not that much enough to fall in love. My friends thought that we will make a good pair. They kinda told me that he was in love with me for past one year. Due to the workplace he didnt reciprocate and to the close dates of my resignation due to my friends i told him that we can talk like a friends and we have to go with the flow. As of now we are talking and he is good. But still i am in dilemma. Due to my fear i told him that we wont work out and i stopped the conversation. But after some days he iniated the conversation and started to develop like a general talk. Later i told him that i liked him partially but not fully. He said that he will wait till i become comfortable. I dont have the oppurtunity to go out with him we are completely in chatting only. Sometimes i feel happy to chat with him but sometimes i dont feel anything i just feel numb. This is the first time for me in all the stuff. I told about this to my brother he didnt liked him. He know about my msgs and everything. But sometimes i think that i need better person than him but sometimes i need him. So what should i do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

Seems like you are not quite in love with this person. Not everyone experiences love at first sight. Some love stories grow over time. You can try spending some more time with him and see where it goes. But if you are not satisfied with how strongly you feel for him or if you continue to feel that you deserve better, I strongly recommend giving it a thought. You don't want to settle for less out of peer pressure. And it would not be right to drag him and give him hope, especially since he has feelings for you.

There is no need to rush. Take your time. Think about it with a clear mind and make a choice.

Best Wishes.
(more)

Answered on May 31, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 30, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi sir , i am single (age 31) and lives in India , but i am looking only USA punjabi girls , i tried famous Matrimonial apps like shaadi , jevensathi etc but most of usa girls' profiles are Fake there and some are non serious. , So , please tell me name of best matrimonial apps who are only of USA punjabi girls or any other way to find life partner from US except Advt.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I can assure you that all the apps that you mentioned using are not at fault. Every dating and matrimony app tries its best to maintain a safe and clean platform eliminating scammers and fake profiles. Some still make it through. I am glad you were on to them before it was too late. Having said that, I can not really help you with the names of matrimonial apps from the USA. But I can tell you how to secure the right match and stay clear of fake profiles.

You can write a clear bio where you mention what you want- the type of partner, type of relationship, and more; you can also clearly mention that you are looking to get married and are serious about it, so anyone looking for a casual relationship please do not contact.

Next, once you secure a match, you can check if it's a fake profile. Do a reverse image search of their profile picture and see if they have stolen someone else's image from the web. You can check for their social media presence. Almost everyone in today's date has an active social media presence. You can also check for genuineness while chatting-
• Request for a video call. If they refuse once, it's almost normal. But if they continually keep rejecting your request, it might be a fake profile.
• Try bringing up a topic you discussed the day before. Fake users scam many people at a time. It is possible that they won't be able to recall.
• You can request to speak to their parents. Since you are matching for marriage, involving the parents is quite normal. If the user seems hesitant, they might be fake or might not be serious.

Try these methods and if anything seems amiss, unmatch and move on. A match is not a commitment. You don't have to waste time verifying a match's authenticity for too long.

Hope this helps.
(more)

Answered on May 30, 2024

Listen
Relationship
I am 30 years old. My marriage was going to be finalised with a guy of 32 years but his mother denied the match because our kundli don't match and it shows he will die if I marry him and apparently there is no puja that can stop it as per his mom 's version. The guy says he loves me but never had taken a step to stand up to his mom. Also a fact to mention is he has been raised by single mom as his dad died when he was born so he says he can't say anything to his mother. So when his mother denied our match, I stopped texting him. But he started talking, wants to meet, confesses of love , even asked me to let's go and marry in court without telling our families. And while he confesses this , his mom is searching other girls for him and he is seeing them. It is difficult for me to move on . But this is also hurting me whenever I text him or talk to him. What should I do?
Ans: Dear Chetna,

I am really sorry that you are in such a situation. I assume that you understand why his mother is giving into age-old superstition and why he could not stand up against it. And I appreciate your understanding. Having said that, I would suggest you sever contact with him. He could not go against his mom's wishes but can continue messaging you, how is that fair to you? I know it hurts now, but it is best to disconnect with him completely if you want to move on. Being in touch and hearing him confess his feelings are not very helpful.

There are two things that you can do-
One, you tell him to stop contacting you. He isn't going to marry so, and that leaves him with no right to bother you.
Second, you can tell your parents and his about this. Let them sort it out.

It might sound harsh or petty, but it has to be done because soon he will be married off to someone else, and you will be left with the memories of him expressing his love. You deserve better.

Hope this helps.
(more)

Answered on May 29, 2024

Listen
Relationship
Dear Ravi sir, I am 45 yrs old person living with wife and son. As i am working in educational institute office, one of 33 yrs old lady faculty has shown interest in me in last 3 moths. So i invited her to meet me outside office for some minor office work. She came in hotel. We have taken coffee and discussed for half and hour on various personal things. In the end of meeting, i just gave her yellow rose to express my feelings as a good friend. But she got angry. So mam where i went wrong or wrongly made hurriness. Can i approach her again but she is not talking with me. If she is not interested, then why shown interest to come in hotel and talked so much time?
Ans: Dear Amar,

It sounds to me like you have mistaken her friendship or probable professional interest for personal. Since your yellow rose was not taken well by her, the situation is pretty self-explanatory. She is not interested in you in the way you assumed she was. Also, discussing a few personal matters with a colleague does not necessarily mean someone has romantic feelings for you. Please understand that. As for why she came to a hotel to meet you, I can't comment on that without knowing the context or hearing from both sides. Moreover, you are married with a child. Even if someone was interested in you, is it not immoral to indulge them? I am not sure how I can help you here other than pointing out the obvious. You are married and your colleague does not have the feelings that you thought she did.

If she is not speaking to you, it is best to keep your distance. She has made her stance clear. Trying to convince her would be crossing boundaries. A 'no' does not always have to be said in words.

Best Wishes.
(more)

Answered on May 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 22, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I am a working women, i have to take care of my parents expenses and also take care of my expenses , i have a child 8 years old, my husband is not supporting me financially, he just spend most of his money for his wants, and no savings so far even after 15 years of marriage, how to make him understand about savings i have quarreled many times on this but no use, i feel like to go away from him, kindly suggest
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am very sorry about your situation. It sounds stressful and you have every right to be worried. Here are a few ways to sort this out:

The first and the most obvious one- communication. I am sure that you have communicated your concerns to your husband but let's give it another try and this time, make sure it's non-confrontational. For instance, just casually mention the financial burden that is on you without assigning any blame to him. Try "I" statements instead of "You." He might come to a realization that he needs to put in more effort to relieve you of your burdens. Try mentioning some shared goals that you won't achieve if you don't join your finances and share the responsibilities. Next, tell him that you both should start tracking your expenditures and set a budget at the beginning of every month. Try a more practical approach. Set up monthly deposit schemes that would automatically deduct the money from your accounts. Last but not least, seek support from a trusted family member or close friend. While they might not be able to give you any concrete solution, sharing your woes can make you feel lighter.

Best Wishes.
(more)

Answered on May 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 16, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
i’m 18 and live in the states and basically my parents have known i have a boyfriend for a while now thru their own snooping and my mom has even told me once or twice that she knows about him but today I was trying to go out this morning to a outting with two friends and him and they asked who is coming and if he is coming and then my dad got really angry and started saying things like “you want me to get you married now” and that we were acting like husband and wife because he saw that i have a picture of us in my wallet also for some context he is chinese but he’s the topper of my grade of 500+ students incredibly smart and just perfect guy all around. i don’t want to break up with him, what should i do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand that maintaining a relationship when parents disapprove can be very tricky. But you must also understand that their worries come from love for you; you might be an adult but you are still their child. Having said that, let's see some practical ways to deal with this-
- Understanding what's worrying them can help you give them a solution that might work in your favor. Their concerns can stem from cultural expectations. They might be concerned about your safety. Figuring out their concern will help you better navigate the situation.
- Communicate your feelings. Don't get mad when they express their opinions. It won't help your case. Find the right time to discuss this with your parents. And make them feel heard. Their concerns can give you a new perspective too.
- Highlight your partner's positive traits like his academic achievements. And focus on your studies too. If your parents see that he is a positive influence on you, they might reconsider their stand.
- When the time is right, introduce him to your parents. Seeing him in person will humanize him.
- Strike a balance. Your relationship should not interfere with your relationship with your parents or hamper your studies.

Most importantly, be patient. These things take time. You are too young to be so bothered.

Best Wishes.
(more)

Answered on May 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 21, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Any reservations/reasons for not answering my question DTD 16/5 ? I hv tried hard to make peace with this observation over the years but hv failed. I hoped for help from u. ALSO, I hv not forgotten a relationship that failed 20+ yrs back. Why m I not able to move-on as easily as girls do or as easily as u suggest to some who ask u a question? Seriously, suggest a way to let it go.. & keep it between us only pls. Thnx.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry to have made you feel overlooked but the matter of the fact is that the previously-asked question, as you mentioned, is and was not visible to me. I would be happy to try and help you. But I need to know a little more detailed picture of your concern. But generally speaking, every individual is different. Some cope better and move on faster and some don't. It has nothing to do with gender. Since it has been 20 years, I am not sure how helpful it will be to suggest focusing on your friendships, career and other important aspects of life. I am sure you have tried them all. It might help you to see a professional counselor who can help you cope in a more structured manner. But till you make up your mind about seeking professional help, I would suggest taking baby steps. Obsessing about moving on can hinder the process too. Introspect about some things- would your life have been so much better if you hadn't lost your ex? Is your life so bad right now? Are you not worth being in love with someone who loves you back? Should you really be spending your precious time thinking about someone who's long gone? And understand that it's okay to remember your past relationship as long as you are not acting on it. Having memories is not a crime.

Hope this helps.
(more)

Answered on May 20, 2024

Listen
Relationship
May 07, 2024 Hlo sir I am 25 year old and graduated Now preparing for government job . And the boy I love is in defence (navy) we were in a relationship since last 3 years and he decided to tell abouts us to his family and he did .He told about us to his family but his family rejected our relationship due to intercaste marrige as he is jaat and I am saini we both are from Rajasthan where intercaste marrige is a big issue. And his family not only rejected but is behaving very badly to him .not talking to him properly since last 4 months his mother didn't talk to him she stops talking to him. It is very tough for us as well as we didn't expect this reaction from his family.He thought as they love him so much if he try to convince them they will but nothing happened like this . He is very sad and broken and try to make distance from me but can't I also tried but we both can't live each other it's been very tough for both of us to live each other as we don't want to live and also his parents are not accepting this Even though he told me that I tried all ways to convince them but they aren't.and I don't want to give you false hope for future So now we don't have any future but still we want each other as is it not possible to live him at least for me it's not possible. Vo apne parents k against ja nhi skata aur na unke khilaf khada ho sakta aur mai bhi ye nhi chahti ki vo esa kare kyuki atlast family chaiye hum dono ko mai bhi meri family k against to nhi jaugi but ha meri family man jayegi agar mai unhe manugi to uske family jyada orthodox hai . Usne bich Mai 7 - 8 dino tak mujhse distance banne ki kosis kari thi mujhe block kar diya tha har jgh se humari sari photos bhi delete kar di but bad mai mere bhut jyada manage par vo vapis aya gya ap mujhse bat karta hai .maine use pucha ki kya plane hai phr to usne bola ki maine puri koshish kar li har taraf se nhi man rhe ab future ki koi hope nhi hai apni aur meri galti hai maine bat hi kyu kyu tumse starting mai ...mai relationship maj aya hi kyu .. Lekin mai phr bhi use bat kar rhi aur vo bhi kyuki hum dono ek dusre k bine nhi rh pa rhe ab smaj nhi aya rha kya kare .....vo preshna bhi hai jo Banda humesha hasta rhta tha ab vo ek dam udas ho gya hai chup rhene lag gya ye mujse dekha bhi nhi ja rha kya karu kuch smaj nhi aya rha
Ans: Hi Shruti,

I am sorry that you are in this situation. First of all, please try to look at it from your partner's perspective. It isn't easy to confront your parents and it's even harder when they stop communicating altogether. Having said that, I also understand how it is for you. It is not fair, especially in today's day and age, to face discrimination based on caste.

You have two options:
One, you wait patiently, emotionally support your boyfriend, and hope that his parents come to their senses and realize that we are living in 2024, and caste-based discrimination is ridiculous. In this scenario, you do have to let go of your self-respect and have to face many more hardships, that much is guaranteed.

The second option is you hold your head high and move on. Yes, it isn't what you hoped for when you emotionally invested in building this relationship, but unfortunately, these things are still happening. In this scenario, you will be sad for a long time, but you don't have to compromise on your self-respect and you will move on and live to see happier days with someone who respects you and sees you for who you are and not your caste.

Now, the choice is yours.

Best Wishes!
(more)

Answered on May 20, 2024

Listen
Relationship
Hello . I am Samrat and in past I have asked many questions. Recently I have gone through a lot of infidelity cases. The one thing that crosses my mind is that ", Are those people who cheat in their relationship have some common personality traits " , not everyone but most of them ? Because I used to think that anyone can cheat based on circumstances and no one should judge earlier whether one is cheater or not and neither all the cheater are necessarily bad persons. But the more I am delving into it the more I am getting a feeling that these are specific kind of person not all but most of them like they basically withdraw themselves from relationship no what his/her partner is doing for them. they are mostly self-centred etc. because if any reason can support their argument about cheating it should be apply to everyone. But as we all know both male and suffer but don't get indulge into such kind of activities. I request please respond Hope you're fine Regards Samrat
Ans: Hello Samrat,

That's an interesting take and thanks for sharing your thoughts. Infidelity is very complex and though inexcusable, there are certain circumstances when people are forced to make choices that they would not normally. For instance, couples in unhappy marriages are often seen cheating on their partners. Even though it's unethical, we don't have a clear idea of what pushed them to make such a decision. Having said that, I agree that you might be onto something- in fact, research shows that there are, at certain times, some common attributes in people who tend to cheat. Narcissism, commitment issues, impulsivity, and the like are often observed among people who indulge in infidelity.

But even though these traits might be common among some individuals, it does not apply to all. Situational factors should be weighed in before evaluating.

I hope this helps.
(more)

Answered on May 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 10, 2024Hindi
Listen

Answered on May 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 16, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Dear LG, Please keep this anonymous. I have been married since 6 years. However, since past 5+ years we have not been intimate. We haave a 5&1/2 year kid. Since his birth we have had a lot of differences and his family interference was lot leaving me alone and wounded. I don't stay with my husband and in-laws since then. I had made up that work is worship. But 2 years back I met a colleague. He is 10 years younger to me and we have extremely similar vibes. We enjoy each other's company and cared a lot. Eventually i fell in love with him. But he always knew he wont be able to go against his family. We also had relationship. Now he has strated looking for girls and wants us to stop being intimate. He is saying he wants to be friends and not loose me but not have relationship. We both work together in same space and our area of work is also same. I am unable to forgive my husband and forget this person. He never goes away. He is always there telling that I want to see you happy. He needs me for professional development. And i am not able to loose our relationship. He says physical intimacy only I cant have remaining Im there. Then again says I don’t know when I will be there so I am unable to give assurance or promise. I am tormented with a child, work and my health is getting affected. Can you please help?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry that you are in such a tough spot. My advice would be to move on. Yes, I realize that it is easier said than done but let's put things into perspective- first, you have no future with this man, and he has made it clear. Are you okay to keep hanging on to him while he builds his own life? I am assuming no, especially since you have a child. Second, what about your self-respect? He is directly telling you that this relationship is headed toward a dead end. Do you believe you deserve to be with someone who does not want to settle down with you? I believe you deserve better.

I am not blaming him because he made no promises. You are not to be held guilty either because you were in a tough spot and you grabbed the first emotional support you found. But the current reality is that he wants out. And convincing him to stay is not an option. At this point, moving on with your head held high is the best decision. If you want to accept his friendship, that is completely fine. But if that's too much for you, you can always decline it. I understand that working in the same space with an ex is difficult, but as long as you avoid interacting outside of the office and keep things professional, there should not be an issue. On the emotional front, I won't lie, it will hurt for a while. But this too shall pass. I strongly recommend you not to value yourself so low that you stop believing that you deserve a person who loves you back as much as you love him.

Best Wishes.
(more)

Answered on May 11, 2024

Listen
Relationship
Hello Sir/Ma'am, Myself Sachin. Basically I'm from Thrissur (Kerala) where I born. But in terms of education, I did my schooling & colleges from Pune (Maharashtra). My DOB is 30th October 1984. So right now I'm 39. Till now I'm single trying to get a life partner to have a good understanding since 7 years. However, no one I got yet. Even I tried dating through online dating app called quack quack where sometimes I get a positive responses. But later on, that relationship doesn't prolongs. In this situation, what shall I do to have a good life partner? Right now I reside in Coimbatore (Tamilnadu) with my parents in one of the senior citizen complex. In terms of education I did my BBA from Delhi University. Also have work experience into customer support voice process for about 9 years. Currently I run my business as a photostat in Coimbatore.
Ans: Hi Sachin,

I understand that dating can sometimes be very frustrating. You have every right to start wondering whether it will work or not. Since you have already tried dating apps and even had a positive experience, I would ask you to recognize that as a win first. Second, let me share some tips with you that might help you find the right kind of matches:

- Write a detailed and attractive Bio. What should it include? 40% about yourself- your education, your quirks and habits, likes and preferences, and everything that makes you you. 10% about what you can offer as a partner. 10% about the type of relationship you want. Do you want to date exclusively, or are you looking for casual? Are you looking to get married or long-term dating? Mention it clearly to attract the right matches. The remaining 40% should be about the kind of person you want to date. Your idea of a perfect partner. It would save you a lot of time and energy on the relationships that start strong but eventually fizzle out.

- The display picture can play an important role. Always pick a recent and clear image to never mislead anyone. Choose an image that shows you in your element, preferably smiling because that makes you seem warm and welcoming. Refrain from over-editing.

- Another important step is the first message. Write a detailed and personalized first message instead of a Hi.

Other than this, I would ask you to have patience. Regardless of the mode of dating, finding the right partner can take time in certain instances. Good things take time.

Best Wishes.
(more)

Answered on May 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 30, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi I am 27 M. I am a introverted person but not that much I love meeting new people, party, travelling etc. But Whenever I try to talk with any girl I forgot everything that I want to express and also feels bit nervous and shy. So many thoughts are in my mind but I am unable to express that in front of others, I simply forgot. How can I improve my communication skills with other girls and feel confident about myself.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

What you are facing is very common. The first step is to remember that you are not alone. Even the best of us face it. Second, have you tried dating apps? There is no speaking face to face, which substantially helps with the nervousness. You can chat with people for days before you even decide to meet them in person. You can also attract the people who can perfectly match your vibe, making it easier for you to feel more comfortable and relaxed with them.

Other than that, here are few tips you can try-

Start small. Start with small talks. You don't need to have a full blown conversation in the very first attempt. Say Hi, smile, or ask her about her day. If you feel shy to speak, master the art of listening. Women love a man who can actively listen. Third, be genuine and be yourself. The more you pretend to impress a girl, the trickier it can be to keep up the act. Moreover, you will be preoccupied with your pretense and won't focus on the quality of the conversation. Be you. Fourth, learn from your experience. Good or bad, experiences can teach us a lot. Reflect on the past conversations; the ones that went well and ones that didn't. Identify what worked and what needs improvement. And lastly, be patient. Building confidence can take a while. Not all of us are naturally blessed with it. Some of us have to work for it. But in the end, it will be worth your while.

Best Wishes.
(more)

Answered on May 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 05, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
we broke up week ago it was mutual as it will not work in future as his parents are strict brahmin and your job locations are not same band we cant switch also but we are not able to move on we end up texting after a week and we have grt bonding though we are in long distance what should we do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry to hear about your breakup. It is also common to not be able to move on and go back to each other. It's about the comfort in familiarity. It does take time. But if you are serious about the breakup, you have to follow through. This 'break up and patch up' thing will only end up hurting you more. It always ends with one person moving on in the process and the other being stuck in a relationship that died long back.

You might have great bonding but that is no reason to set yourself up for inevitable pain. Please tread carefully.

Best Wishes.
Asked on - May 06, 2024 | Answered on May 20, 2024
Listen
Actually we both don't want to end this just becos his parents are so strict we are priorly doing this , we didn't tell our parents yet becos we are student and still not earning and settled . But as his family tendency he don't want to give false hope as he can't see any chances as his brother brokeup his 6 yrs of relationship based on that.should we seriously brkup in this situation and hurt ourselves before or we just wait for some miracle to happen in future becos there is so much time we have to settle and marriage becos we feel we cannot move on much and always there will be a place for him and he said the same thing there will be place for me also in his heart regardless of whatever happens in future .
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand it's a tricky situation. If you want to remain together, it is completely up to you but one day or the other, you will have to face your parents. If you are up for it, if you are ready to try your best and convince them, then why not? But, in the event they still don't accept you, then what? It's important to find a practical solution first, instead of hoping for a "miracle." That rarely happens.

There is no need to rush into anything. Take your time to figure out what you want. Are you willing to take the trouble of convincing your parents or going against their will? Ask yourself that. Figure out how important this relationship is to you. You are both still young. The best bet is to focus on your studies, then build a good career, and then present the matter to your parents.

Best Wishes!
(more)

Answered on May 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 30, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
To start with I am in my early sixties . We have a large WhatsApp group of undergraduate college batchmates where sometimes news about batchmates / their families get posted . A married lady batchmate, located in one of the metro cities reached out to me over phone to offer her condolences / sympathies for loss of a family member that I had suffered . While I didn't personally know the lady , found the gesture empathetic & touching . So when the next physical batch meet took place I sought her out to thank her and we chatted for some time too ! Subsequently , we started being in touch , she mentioned that she found my gesture ( asking her to sit besides me to chat up very affectionate ) both through chat and calls and started sharing about each other , even personal matters . And now it seems that the relationship is moving in to a clear zone of intimacy ! And we talk pretty affectionately and frequently these days and it seems we make a good chatting pair . She is pretty attached to her grown up children and probably with a non intimate, dysfunctional, unsatisfactory marriage dragging on . She says her relationship in her marriage has totally failed right from beginning but she has not been able to do anything about that so far . It seems that the children are with the mother ! I find her balanced, affectionate and would like understand if something akin to a long term relationship /companionship would be possible . So have asked her to share about me, about our mutual feelings to her kids . Have also sounded her that if her husband gets to know about this relationship - it might lead to a family issue including formal break up of her marriage. And I am truly concerned about that . But she is very wishy wishy in her ideas about possible course of action , way forward .And I don't want her to get hurt or disappointed nor I want to be placed in a emotional drag. My questions are 1. Can this relationship go anywhere ? And if yes , what is the minimum expected from her ? 2. Can we be just be chatting friends ? Doesn't seem so as we talk & share as if we are a couple ? 3. What should we both do to avoid any possible emotional trauma to each of us ? (A still active and adorable senior citizen without strings and without a care in the world )
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am glad you found a genuine companion. I understand that you both care a great deal about each other and that is rare in today's day and age. Now coming to your questions-

1) It most definitely can. But that depends on the course of action your partner is willing to take. I assume that neither one of you would like to formally tag it as a relationship till she is married to another man, no matter how the marriage is. So, in that case, your partner must have a clear discussion about the same with her husband and you can proceed from there. But going ahead and having a romantic relationship while she is married to someone else would not be ethical and even when she has every right to seek happiness in her life, it would be her who faces all the societal judgment.

2) You can be two friends chatting with each other. Friends do share a lot, even personal matters. Having said that, it did not sound to me that you are in that platonic friend zone anymore. You have grown to like each other a little more and given the circumstances, it is perfectly alright. But to be more than friends, it is important for your partner to first speak to her current husband and consider separating. But at the end of the day, it is her decision. If she doesn't want to formally end it, you would have two options. One, love each other in secret and never have the chance to show off your love to the world. Two, break it off and either try to remain friends or sever ties altogether.

3) Don't have unrealistic expectations. We are all guilty of it time and again. In this case, even though her marriage isn't perfect- you know and she knows it too- it isn't easy to let go of a relationship people spend years to build. Take things slow and let her make her own decisions. If you expect she will leave her marriage for you, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. It might happen, but then again, it might not. Focus on being each other's companion. You can't help how you feel, but that does not mean you have to act on it right now.

One more thing- if you can see yourself getting hurt, I would suggest reconsidering the relationship. Every relationship has in its capacity to cause emotional trauma. That's the thing about romance- it can make or break you.

Best Wishes.
Asked on - May 20, 2024 | Answered on May 20, 2024
Thanks a lot for such a nuanced response to a set of rather complex emotions posed as questions. Now there has been some further developments. First, the interaction has graduated from text chats to frequent voice calls and even video calls. The points of touch have become varied and we are almost in constant touch as in case of two love birds . And the topics have become varied, even often including innuendos involving alluding possible physical intimacy. She has openly started saying that she finds me incredibly attractive even physically! We have been indirectly and lately directly talking about physical meetings and then now she has even set up a rendezvous. She informed me that she had long planned and arranged a travel to a tourist place with a friend long time back and then in passing informed me that she has booked an additional room for me. And requested me to join in. I jumped into the fray and have now booked my tickets. She tells me that her long standing friend on this trip knows about her state of marriage and she is going to tell her that we are in fact lovers !And the stay , for a couple of nights would also include a temple visit together …. Just to reiterate, my friend is no impetuous, love infatuated school girl; she has been the head of a school and has worked in responsible positions. And she also has two grown up children with newly set up families. But she says had it been possible, she would have loved to have a baby with me …. Secondly, I have been mildly persuading the lady to share my profile with her kids- so that they also get to feel that her mother's ex. classmate is also one with accomplishments. Incidentally I have a public profile which could be interesting to the NewGen kids. However, my friend probably doesn’t get the drift or unsure how to share this without having to reveal the intimacy level or doesn’t want to take any step forward now . Thirdly, I also notice that she also remotely keeps track of my activities , whether the maid has come , when I am taking food , whether my health /mood is as in case of a couple . She also sometimes even seems to be getting a little possessive about me , my being in touch with other lady batchmates , mostly in a good humoured manner ! Now in this back drop my questions are these: i) I am a little weary of getting into a physical relationship with a married lady (how so much she may love me ) as it feels unethical , I feel for the partner of the lady and also afraid that both me/ and the lady may also carry a feeling of guilt if we get into a physical relationship in the sly . So what would be the right thing to do on this planned rendezvous to be able to nicely avoid the physical part ? ii)I have been cautioning her to lock her phone lest her family member accidentally read her messages / hear our voice message exchanges. But she seems to have thrown all caution to winds without thinking about consequences. She is in constant touch with me .So how to get over this ? iii)And my hunch is that she would like to continue with the marriage and simultaneously carry on meeting me. to my mind, It doesn’t seem to go any where . So what should I do for letting her know that I expect her to come over in due course in a nice way? iv) I wanted her kids to know me as her mother’s friend , classmate . But she isn’t sharing my profile with them , nor is she interested that we ( her children and me) engage in usual conversation . What is that I need to do to get her think that getting her children to know me could be a good idea? Yours sincerely , Bholanath
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am happy you found my advice helpful. Coming to your current query-

1) If you are not comfortable getting physically intimate, clearly communicating that is the best thing. You both are adults; beating around the bush or making other excuses to avoid getting intimate might come off as disinterest. Clearly expressing your concerns is the right way. Tell your partner that you don't think it's ethical to get intimate with someone who is committed to another man; while you love her, you are not comfortable with that. Instead, you want to focus on emotional intimacy.

2) Seems like that is her choice. You can only caution her and you already did that. The only thing to do here is continue doing so. She is an adult and you can't really do anything more than that.

3) I repeat, communication is the only answer. If it bothers you that she won't leave her husband and settle with you, you have to voice your feelings to her. It isn't easy to leave a marriage, no matter how it is. You can let her know that you don't want to be in a dead-end relationship if that's what is bothering you. I am sure she can handle the truth.

4) She is their mother. She knows what's best for her children. I would recommend not interfering with it. But you can directly ask her why she is not willing to introduce you to them. You might get some clarity.

Best Wishes.
(more)

Answered on May 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 02, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hello sir , i am 21 year old graduated ,How to make gf ?? As in college everytime i talk to girl she make me friend as i get into friendzoned...
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

If you are finding it difficult to meet girls IRL, why don't you try out dating apps? It can be perfect for you. First of all, the chances of getting friend-zoned on a dating app are comparatively lower because it is a dating app and most users are using it to find a date. Yes, some people look for friends too but they will either mention it on their Bio or match with people who mentioned the same on their Bio.

I suggest you research a bit and find a dating app that fits your requirements. For instance, some apps cater to people looking for serious commitment and some others are solely for casual relationships. You pick a dating app based on your preference. Next step- build an interesting profile. Put a display image that helps you put your best foot forward. Something recent, clear, and impressive. Do not overedit; it's not appealing. Write a clear and concise bio that gives a glimpse of who you are, what you want in a relationship, and what you can offer. This way, you will attract the right type of matches. Make it clear that you want a romantic relationship to avoid getting friend-zoned. Finally, once you match, spend some time chatting and getting to know each other. A match is not a commitment. If it doesn't go well, you can always tell them that it's not working out and unmatch.

It's the best way to meet a potential partner without leaving room for misunderstanding and ending up being friend-zoned.

Best Wishes.
(more)

Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 30, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi..I am a 45 years widow lady and having a son. I am widowed since ten years. One person age of around 50 years is asking about love and may be marriage who is a divorcee and having no kids. Problem is that I am good looking and he is just an average looking person but his nature is good and he continuously asking me for my companionship. I am in a very much confusing state of mind. I love his talks, his concerned towards me except his looks. Kindly tell me what should I do. I know everything that he may be good for me but my mind is not allowing me. does the looks of a person matters if I choose him? kindly clear my confusion.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry for your loss. It is certainly not easy to put yourself out there and find love. And it might seem that you should have to settle because it's difficult to find a kind man, but you shouldn't. While I would like to point out that looks don't last forever; it's people's nature, their kindness, and their behavior that stays in the long run, that doesn't mean you must settle down with the first man who ticks the boxes. If your heart isn't into it, you should not have to rush. Give it some time. If you are okay with it, maintain a friendly relationship with him. If, with time, you grow to like him, then that's amazing. If you don't, that's perfectly fine too.
My only suggestion here is don't rush. A good nature, though hard to find, is still the bare minimum. Also, please don't focus on outward appearances only. They can be deceiving.

Best Wishes.
(more)

Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 24, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi. I am a muslim girl. I am in a relationship from 5 years. Me and my boyfriend loves each other a lot and we are very close as well. His family also likes me and accepted me. One more thing is that he is my relative. So my family also knows their family well and other relatives too know them. The problem is my family is not agreeing for the marriage as his family once upon a time asked financial help from my other relatives as for some reason they were not in good condition. However, they are now financially stable and ready for the marriage. But my family mix with one evil relative and she said very bad things about my bfs family which are not true. My family will never agree for the marriage. I tried many times to make them understand but they have too much ego. They want me to marry a rich guy so that they can show off to other people whether I am happy or not. Since childhood I have no good bonding with my parents due to their selfish nature. Moreover, other relatives never talked bad about my bf and his family. My family told me to not talk to him ever but I still talk to him as I truly feel he is my soulmate. What should I do at this situation?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry to hear that you are going through a rough patch. Sometimes parents make decisions on our behalf without understanding what it is that we want; that doesn't necessarily mean that our parents are selfish. More often than not, they do it with our best intentions in mind. You might be misunderstanding your parents wanting to show off a rich son-in-law. It is possible that they want you to have an easy life. Having said that, it is also important that your feelings be taken into consideration. You have been with your partner for five years and that is a significant amount of time. I suggest you try to reason with your parents. You can try bringing them all together and ask both your parents and your boyfriend's parents to talk it out. If there is clear communication, nothing will be left to assumptions. Next, keep on mentioning all the positive things about your partner. Try to etch that in your parents' mind. Third, if you are not working, I suggest you start looking for a job. Regardless of your parents', husband's, and his family's financial conditions, you should have financial freedom. You can also contribute to building a better life for yourself and your family.
I am sure your boyfriend and his family are amazing; you have spent five years with him and that should give you a fair idea. But just a gentle reminder, no one can be sure of someone's true nature till they start living together. I am not insinuating that your relatives are right about badmouthing your partner's family; all I am suggesting is that you look into it a bit more thoroughly. Marriage is indeed a big decision and rushing into it would be foolish.
And one more thing, it's just a phase. Tough times don't last forever.

Best Wishes!
(more)

Answered on Apr 24, 2024

Listen
Relationship
Hi sir I want your advice as I don't know what to do and how to handle I am in long distance relationship with a guy who is in navy since 3 years .He told to his parents about our relationship buy they rejected because off intercaste and all usko bhut kuch sunaya aur ba vo use bat bhi nhi kar rhe pichle 4 mahino se usko mumy use bat gak nhi kar rhi aur use ghar vale uske liye ladki bhi search karne lag gye taki shadi karva de khi aur Is bich vo mujhe ab distance bna rha dur ho rha mujhse dhere dhere mer khane par bat kar rha bs aur.bol rha ab Humara koi future nhi hai isliye acha hoga ab hum bag nhi kare but mai uske bina nhi rhe la rhi bhut buri halat ho rhi meri uske bina vo mer khane par bat kar rha kar vo bhut jyada preshna hai samj nhi aya rha kya karo kese thik karu sab Usne mujhe har jgh se block kar diya gha ek bar par mere manane par aya hai but ab na mere number save kar rha na Instagram par follow kar rha kuch nhi maine jab bola to bolta hai bat ho rhi na bs
Ans: Dear Shruti,

I am sorry that you are in this situation. First of all, please try to look at it from your partner's perspective. It isn't easy to confront your parents and it's even harder when they stop communicating altogether. Having said that, I also understand how it is for you. It is not fair, especially in today's day and age, to face discrimination based on caste.

You have two options:
One, you wait patiently, emotionally support your boyfriend, and hope that his parents come to their senses and realize that we are living in 2024, and caste-based discrimination is ridiculous. In this scenario, you do have to let go of your self-respect and have to face many more hardships, that much is guaranteed.

The second option is you hold your head high and move on. Yes, it isn't what you hoped for when you emotionally invested in building this relationship, but unfortunately, these things are still happening. In this scenario, you will be sad for a long time, but you don't have to compromise on your self-respect and you will move on and live to see happier days with someone who respects you and sees you for who you are and not your caste.

Now, the choice is yours.

Best Wishes!
(more)

Answered on Apr 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 20, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I am a 26 years old girl completed my studies, trying to get a job, 2 years back I fell in love online with a man of 32 years old, we have not met yet physically. He is working on a very small salary in a village i.e. his hometown. He can't get a good government job or private job now due to lack of experience and age. We love each other a lot with all our flaws. My family is strictly against it due to caste difference, low salary, he lives 1600 km away, background differences. Overall they don't trust him and our love and are emotionally blackmailing me to get married with someone they choose. And the thought alone of leaving him makes me sad
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry for the challenges you are facing. I understand how difficult it must be to leave a person you love. Having said that, I would also like to point out that living a decent life is not cheap. You are currently unemployed and your partner has a low salary; it will not be sustainable in the long run. I am not asking you to leave him and marry someone else; all I am suggesting is don't rush. Take the time to find a decent job and ask your partner to do the same. Once you think you both are earning a good amount of money, put forth the idea of your marriage again to your parents.

Now the most important thing, you have met him online and never met him in real life. Is it worth taking this kind of risk before verifying everything in person? I am sure he is genuine but there is no harm in cross-checking. And I can't really blame your parents for having their doubts. Please don't rush. One wrong decision can ruin the rest of your life. Take your time, think this through, and meet him in person, most likely in your city and in a public space. Do a thorough background check. It is easy to get fooled when you are in love.

Again, please don't rush. You have your whole life ahead of you.

Best Wishes
(more)
Loading...Please wait!
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x