Anu mam, I am an NRI from Dubai, married and earning a good salary here. I have two beautiful, smart kids, aged 11 and 14. My parents are getting old. They live in Alappuzha with a caretaker. In two years, we plan to relocate to India with the kids so they can continue their higher education in India. But there is a problem. My kids are used to a certain lifestyle here in Dubai. Whenever we come to India for vacation once or twice a year, the children complain of the crowd, pollution, driving behaviour, and littering habits. They are however, rooted to the culture as we celebrate all festivals and events, the Indian way. I want to understand how can I help my kids prepare to relocate to India?

Ans:

Dear NN,

Too much of confusion, mostly self-inflicted, if I may add.

You know why I say that, because there is not a mention in your letter/ email on: What is it that you want?

You have conveniently skirted it (the mind can trick you easily) and you are citing excuses to do what others want. What do you want?

Let’s out things into perspective:

1. You shifted for work and now you feel that your daughter’s education is getting impacted

2. You feel like coming back for her education, but you feel that your husband won’t be happy about it.

3. You know that your son might need you now, but then husband thinks you are emotional

It’s time the four of you as a family sat down and spoke rather than thinking and feeling.

Your children are practically adults and are capable of having a sane and conscious conversation that involves the family and their lives as well.

So there’s no more two way conversation between you parents causing more confusion.

Most families go round in circles without realising that who they are discussing about and making decisions on are not even involved in it actively.

In your case, it’s your children…involve them and let them express what they feel is right for them and what they want.

This can help clarify a lot in your mind and your husband also might be aligned to what comes through that 4-way conversation.

It will also bring all of you a while lot closer than before.

All the best!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It depends on which Tier 2 city you are planning to relocate to...
Yes, it's a fact that some Tier 2 city schools may lack the infrastructure to support extra curricular activities or what a larger school in a Tier 1 city can offer. Also, since your son has been in New Delhi for the past few years which are the most impressionable years, please expect adjustment problems in terms of social adjustment within school and friends...

Do prepare him adequately for the major change and who knows he might also like it as much as you and your husband do...But plan and prepare him for this change...Take his opinion into consideration before taking the decision to make that shift...maybe you can use the summer holidays for your son to have a feel of what a Tier 2 city is like and what it means to live there long-term. This should also help you and your husband to take that final call on this...

All the best!

Ans: From a relationship perspective, it's crucial to balance the emotional and practical aspects of your decision. Staying together in Mumbai strengthens your bond and allows you to support each other daily. However, the high living costs, small spaces, and lack of quality playgroups with CCTV access can add stress, compounded by your long commute.

If your wife and daughter move to Noida, they would have a more comfortable environment and better childcare options. However, this means you'll miss daily interactions and could feel emotionally distant over time.

Consider moving closer to your workplace in Mumbai, like Lower Parel, to reduce your commute and spend more time with your family. Also, explore local playgroup options thoroughly, as you might find one that meets your security concerns.

Ultimately, prioritize what provides the most stability and happiness for your family. Open communication with your wife about your concerns and potential solutions is key. Whether you stay in Mumbai or consider temporary separation, ensure regular visits and communication to maintain your bond and stay involved in your daughter's upbringing.

Ans: Hi there,

Returning to India for your son's education can be a good choice, especially considering his aptitude in science and math. India has a robust education system with numerous opportunities for students excelling in these subjects. Here are some considerations and steps to prepare for the transition:

Considerations:
1. Curriculum Differences: The education system and curriculum in India might be different from what your son is used to in Dubai. Research the various boards (CBSE, ICSE, State Boards, IB, etc.) to find the best fit for him.

2. School Selection: Look for schools known for their strong science and math programs. Consider their facilities, faculty, extracurricular activities, and overall environment.

3. Entrance Exams: In India, competitive exams play a significant role in higher education. Start familiarizing your son with exams like the Joint Entrance Examination (JEE) for engineering, the National Talent Search Examination (NTSE), and the Olympiads for science and math.

4. Cultural Adjustment: Moving back to India will involve cultural adjustments. Engage your son in conversations about the changes and prepare him mentally for the shift.

Preparation Steps:
1. Academic Preparation:
- Bridge Courses: Enroll him in bridge courses to align his knowledge with the Indian curriculum.
- Additional Tutoring: Consider extra tutoring in subjects where he might need more support to catch up or excel.

2. Extracurricular Activities: Encourage participation in extracurricular activities related to science and math. Robotics clubs, coding classes, and science fairs can be great platforms.

3. Soft Skills Development:
- Language Skills: If his primary language of instruction changes, ensure he gets the necessary language support.
- Social Skills: Engage him in group activities and social gatherings to help him build a network of friends.

4. Mental and Emotional Support:
- Counseling: Consider professional counseling to help him cope with the transition.
- Family Support: Ensure a supportive home environment where he can freely express his concerns and feelings.

5. Visit Schools:
- Before finalizing the move, visit potential schools with your son. This will give him a sense of involvement and help him adjust better.

Returning to India can open up numerous opportunities for your son, especially given his strengths in science and math. With the right preparation and support, he can thrive in the Indian education system.