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Ravi Mittal |296 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 13, 2024

Question by Jia - Sep 11, 2024Hindi

6monsth back I started talking to one of my colleague, he is attractive by his nature. Almost everyone likes him. he is intelligent, funny, etc.... In calls he used to tell me about his family, his friends, his thoughts, also about the girl (Aliya) whom he liked a lot for 6years (they belong to same village), but she rejected and told that he is her friend only. He told her that he may get feelings for her if they both remained as friends, so better stop talking. But she insisted that they both need to be friends and continue talking. I felt like may be she needed emotional support that's why she insisted. After coming to Jaipur, Aliya started talking to another man named Jitesh. But my colleague used to feel like a third wheel and started keeping distance. Then also she told that they are just friends and he need not distant himself. She always wanted him to give her the first priority. He also feared that she might get upset if he don't give her 1st priority. They used to talk a lot on phone and share everything. One day he brought her to our bay where we both used to sit and work. that day I really felt like I was a third wheel. I felt very bad.. cried for few days. And decided not to talk to him from then on because I didn't want to cry anymore. But he kept trying to have a talk with me. One day he almost cried because I was ignoring him. I couldn't see him like that and also I felt guilt about my behaviour(my intention was not to hurt him but to save my tears). I couldn't help but starting talking to him. He used to mention to me whenever he used to talk to her. and everytime I used to feel very bad. We started talking a lot after few weeks. Whenever I didn't receive proper response from him I used to become very anxious waiting for his reply and cried a lot. But when he starts talking again I used to feel normal. I never wanted to get into relationships, so everytime I used to tell him directly or indirectly about it. But still he continued to talk to me. One day he called me and said that Aliya is in love with Jitesh. He said being a friend he is very happy for her but after sometime he also said that if you also love someone I will stop talking with you also. I understand that he is little sad that he cannot talk to Aliya as he used to talk before because she is in love with someone else. We continued to talk and kept talking a lot. One day I felt like I am too much emotionally getting connected to him and felt like these long talks need to stop. So I asked him saying that I didn't get clarity. Then he opened up and proposed me. I thought for a day and I felt he is also a good person and said yes to him. Then on he became my world. Then on he started talking little less with other girls. One day Aliya called him saying that Jitesh had an incident where everyone thought he was drowned but he came back safely. She needed emotional support and asked him to come to office. She also said she that one of her colleagues didn't bring lunch and she don't have enough food to give her so she asked my colleague to prepare some food and bring it to office. At first my colleague said no thinking of me but Aliya convinced him emotionally saying that will you leave friends if you get a girlfriend and so he prepared lunch and took it to office. That day when he told me all these I felt devastated, I felt really insecured and cried a lot that is our first fight regarding her. He told me that if you say no I will stop talking to her. She again called and asked my colleague that what was my reaction for all these... he kept silent she guessed what might have happened and told that I understand how she might have felt and will not ask him to bring food to office anytime. Then on fights started increasing between us regarding her. whenever we three had a conversation i felt like thirdwheel and felt he is showing more attention towards her, more care towards her. again a fight. Like that fights started increasing. At first he used to listen to me, but after some days he started saying like my thinking is wrong. I even told him how much I cried but he didn't bothered. I never wanted to break their friendship so I never wanted to ask him to stop talking(even though he gave me that option). I only wanted him to give me my importance but I still feel he shows equal care to both of us. Then how am I different? Later on in our every fight, he started supporting her this gave me more pain. One day he said If I leave her for you, then I may leave you for someone else, that is not my character( this is contrary to what he said previously 'I will stop talking to her if i don't want to'). I cried a lot, I don't have much friends I couldn't share this with anyone.... every moment he is only coming to my thoughts and whenever fights happen due to Aliya, I get disturbed a lot... unable to concentrate on my work... not getting interest to do anything. One day out of anger I said just stop talking to her then his expressions totally changed he became hesistant , he became very sad and said I need sometime and don't know how much( his expression is contrary to what he said 'It doesn't bother me much If I don't talk to Aliya' ). He is that much emotionally connected to her. After 5mins I pinged him saying that I am feeling very guilt about the decision and ask him not to stop talking to her. I understood finally that he still thinks I am wrong and I am tired of fighting. One day when I was very emotional I told him that I will no more bring Aliya topic in our discussion and asked him to do whatever he wants. After this, Whenever Aliya calls him or he call her he used to tell me... sometimes I felt very bad... sometimes I tried to ignore as if it didn't bothered me but didn't start any argument with him. After few days he even stopped telling me if she called him or not also. When he was not telling about Aliya's conversations I thought he understood my feelings and reduced talking with her. but one time accidently my colleague's friend told about the small conversation that my colleague and Aliya had, that's how I came to know that they had a conversation but he didn't tell me. I felt very bad, really very bad... again unable to concentrate on work feel like crying all the time... I can't ask him to stop talking to her because I don't like to do so and also afraid of having negative impression on me in my colleague's mind. at the same time, I feel very very bad whenever they meet or have a call or does something together. I cannot discuss with him about this anymore. what shall i do, this is bothering me a lot and also having effect on my career, peace and life. please suggest. I am ready to correct myself if there is anything wrong from my end. And I can surely say that If i have a boy bestfriend then he would definitely not feel comfortable and will get upset.

Ans: Dear Jia,

When two people enter a relationship, both must try to make each other feel comfortable. If you are uncomfortable with your partner speaking to his friend, who is also his ex-crush, it is perfectly normal for you to voice it. And reading your question I understood that he has repeatedly mentioned that he had feelings for her, and even wanted to sever ties because staying in touch could only further ignite those feelings. I don't see how you are wrong in letting him know that you don't like their interactions. Plus, in a healthy relationship, the partner comes first. Not friends, especially not this kind of friendship.

Just understand that you are not wrong. Even if his intentions are pure and he looks at her like a friend, you have every right to express your feelings. You made no unreasonable demand. She wasn't "just" a friend; she was always more than that, and being insecure about something like that is not uncommon.

The only thing to do right now is to tell your boyfriend that you understand that the friendship is important but you deserve someone who can pick you over everything- obviously, reasonable things. See what he does. And please remember, you actually deserve someone who would pick you. This is not an ultimatum; it's the truth.

Best Wishes.

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Anu Krishna |1155 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 10, 2024Hindi

Hi Anu ji, I am 42 yr old single parent. I have a 10 yr old son living with me. My wife and I were separated when our son was 3 yr old and we recently settled our divorce. Immediately after our divorce, my ex-wife got re-married. Her husband isn’t willing to take my son in and hence she handed over his legal custody to me. She has moved on with her life and my son doesn’t feature in her list of priorities. I am more than happy to have him. During the last 7 years of separation, she did not allow me or my parents to meet my son, so we could not build a strong bond together. Now, it has been 6 months since my son has moved in with me. Its only me and him living together ATM. My parents stay in our ancestral village and are unable to stay with me. Though its challenging for both of us to discover and understand each other, it must be tougher for my son. He understands the fact that his parents aren’t together and hence he has to stay with either of us at a time. Sometimes, he does get emotional about this situation not being normal compared to his friends / cartoons / movies etc. He also misses his mother and often keeps quoting that “My mother does it this way...”, “Me and my mum used to do this / that” etc etc and I appreciate that. I am fine with him talking to his mother through WhatsApp and meeting her whenever they wish to. He is also close to his other maternal family members, and I do not have any issues with him maintaining that bond. Now the challenge is, my ex-wife and her family abuses and shoos me away every time I try to ask them about my son such as his eating habits, likes, dislikes, vacation plans etc etc. They also bad mouth me whenever they speak to my son. That poor little soul gets influenced and feels that its punishment for him to live with me. And I feel betrayed as I too have made sacrifices / adjustments in my career, relationships etc to be able to take care of my son. I feel like stopping his communication with his mum and maternal family, but worried if that would adversely affect him. Now I have also started to get angry whenever he speaks to his mum or maternal family and try not to vent out at him, but I sometimes I do. Please guide me to navigate this delicate situation and what should I look forward to in my life.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Firstly, stop going back to your ex-wife for things that concern your son.
You have taken the responsibility of raising him, then you can surely figure out his likes and dislikes over time. Spend time bonding with him and be very patient with the outcome. Overnight, you son isn't going to love and fuss over you. So, keep raising him with a lot of love and a very supportive environment. At times, you will see him angry or stubborn bringing reference to the way his mother raised him; that is not the time to be angry but to hear him out and actually agree with him. He is a child, why are you being one? Surely, you understand that this is a very confusing and challenging time for him...why not spend time finding ways to bond rather than get angry when he speaks to his mother? That is their unique relationship; don't stand in the way as your son as he grows older will hold you responsible for keeping him away from her.
Focus on building a connection with him...and if for some reason things get distressing and even more challenging, please take the help of a professional to help the family tide over this phase...
In the meantime, let your focus be on your son, his needs, his joys and sorrows and more...let his know and feel that you as a father will protect him and be there for him at all times...that will change a lot of things for him...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna |1155 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 10, 2024

Hi I'm 26 and my wife also same age, my wife is not interested in sex past 1 year. I tried to talk too many times for knowing what's the reason and the real issue and tried to speak tell what main issue she is facing and also tried to talk with her sister and parents and tell the situation we are facing. But she not interested to tell anybody , so i tried her phone and all details related to my help but noting in my hand. So after a 1 year i helpless so I asked directly to her can I go outside sex with any another women she not agreed so I complained the same tell me why are you not interested with me in sex . Not respond And once day I talked again can I go to sex with another women she cried in front of my family members Please help me for this situation

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Is this like a meal? Where you can't have food at home and so you can go outside and have it?
Please use your wise mind and when there is a problem, instead of running away, as a grown man act maturely and try to solve that problem.
So, if your wife is uninterested in sex, what's the point going all over town and sharing that with everyone. What will they do? Isn't marriage about taking care of each other? So, do just that. Clearly, your wife has some kind of a mind block when it comes to sex and sexual intimacy. Please help her instead of seeking sex outside...
First to a good gynecologist who may then refer her to a specialist who can help her if she carries any mind blacks. She needs help from you; so be with her...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Ravi Mittal |296 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 07, 2024Hindi

Hi, I am 32 year old male. I have contentment in all major aspects of life such as job, money, friends, family, fun etc. But everytime I try to bring a girl into my life everything just turns in to chaos. There is a lot of pressure from from family, friends and almost everyone that I know for me to get married. But I cannot accept just anyone in my life through matrimony sites or references. I am afraid that the hard work that I have put in all these years to make my life comfortable will be shaken up by marriage. I cannot choose people by their attributes but have to just develop a liking for them. Similarly I have no interest in how a girl looks, what job she does or any material aspects. I am happy with someone who choses me completely and is committed to me. Unfortunately I couldn't find anyone such and I am in the phase of saying no to marriage completely as life is good as it is. I had a girlfriend when I was 25 and she left me after 5 years of relationship because her parents did not accept which I respected. Could connect with anyone else until this year who also left me after an year because her parents will not agree as my parents are not rich enough. I cannot connect with anyone else physically or emotionally. I think it's injustice to the woman I marry if I marry her just for the sake of society. I am completely confused, could you please share your expertise on this. Thanks in advance!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

It's amazing how you are putting other people's needs over yours. That's very selfless of you. If you don't feel you are ready to commit, there is no rush; no matter what people say. I understand that societal pressure can be very tough, but as you said, being in an incompatible relationship will be tougher on both you and the woman. All I can say here is wait. You are content with your life, and that is more than most people have. Focus on that. Make it even better. If and when the time is right, you will meet someone, and things will fall into place. It might sound cliche, but trust me, this is the best thing to do. Again, I repeat, do not give in to peer pressure. No good things can come out of it.

Best Wishes.

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Kanchan Rai |331 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 08, 2024

Question by RAMASAMY - Aug 26, 2024Hindi

I'm seeking guidance on improving my communication with my daughters. I want to create a more positive and supportive environment at home, especially when discussing their mistakes or weaknesses. Could you please share some strategies on how I can provide positive feedback and encouragement, even when addressing their mistakes? I aim to help them feel comfortable discussing their challenges without fear and to focus on turning negative thoughts into positive ones. Your advice on how to approach this in a friendly and constructive manner would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your support

Ans: It’s really commendable that you're seeking ways to improve communication with your daughters, especially when it comes to handling mistakes or weaknesses. The goal you're aiming for—creating a supportive environment where they feel safe to share their challenges—is a key part of nurturing a healthy and open relationship.

When addressing their mistakes, it’s important to remember that how they interpret your feedback can shape how they see themselves and their ability to handle difficulties. You want them to feel like they’re not being judged or criticized but instead being guided towards growth. One way to start is by focusing on empathy in your conversations. When they make a mistake, it’s natural to want to correct it quickly, but it can be more productive to begin by acknowledging how they might feel. This lets them know that you understand their experience, and that mistakes are part of life and learning. It shifts the focus from the mistake itself to their emotions, which builds trust.

Another aspect is how you frame the conversation. Instead of honing in on what went wrong, it’s helpful to highlight the effort they put in and the process they went through, even if the outcome wasn’t perfect. Letting them know that their effort is noticed and appreciated can boost their confidence. When they feel that their hard work is valued, they’re more likely to discuss their challenges openly, rather than feeling like they failed. If they feel supported during these moments, they will be more inclined to seek your guidance in the future without fearing a negative response.

Listening is another vital tool. When they make a mistake, resist the urge to immediately jump in with advice or corrections. Instead, ask them how they feel about what happened or what they think they could do differently next time. This not only gives them ownership of their problem-solving but also empowers them to reflect and learn from their experiences. Sometimes, when children are given the space to voice their thoughts, they can surprise you with their insights. And even if they don’t have an answer right away, they’ll appreciate being part of the conversation rather than being lectured.

It’s also important to be patient with progress. Instead of expecting a big shift in behavior or attitude overnight, focus on the small steps they take. Recognizing these smaller victories can go a long way in motivating them to keep improving, even when they stumble. They need to see that progress is more important than perfection, and your role is to guide them through the ups and downs without focusing too much on the final result.

Finally, your own approach to challenges and mistakes plays a big role in shaping how they will handle their own. When they see you approach difficulties with a positive mindset—whether it's a work challenge or a personal frustration—they’re learning that setbacks don’t define them. Modeling this kind of attitude will encourage them to talk about their own struggles more openly and with less fear of judgment.

In essence, the goal is to build trust and maintain a positive tone, even when discussing difficult topics. With this approach, your daughters will not only feel comfortable coming to you but will also develop a stronger sense of resilience in facing their own challenges. You’ll find that as they feel more supported, their confidence in addressing their weaknesses will naturally grow.

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Kanchan Rai |331 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 30, 2024Hindi

Hi Kanchan, this query is regarding dealing with our teenage daughter (13 yrs). It is almost difficult to get her to do anything at home. She does not clean her room, take care of her share of chores. She is not dumb, but below average student in class. She used to go to guitar class and once faced stiff competition in her school , she is not participating in music competitions after that . Both me and my wife had been industrious and competitive students. We are ok with her not picking up studies, but what i don't see, is a spark to excel at anything. Her friends have passed French level 1 exams and even though she is learning for last 4 yrs, she doesn't appear for them. Everyday is escalating into huge arguments between her and my wife , with few broken items at home. As I mentioned studies excellence is not a concern, but we are unable to motivate her to put up a fight for the things she wants in life. She would come home from school and watch YT, reels, etc for hrs at stretch. Since we both husband wife are working, it is very difficult to monitor her all the time. We fear that she is already influencing our 9 yr old son , who is a discplined kid otherwise. We feel helpless most of the time, as she is not amending her ways. Please suggest what to do?

Ans: One of the things that might be happening here is that your daughter is at an age where identity and confidence issues often come to the forefront. At 13, she’s navigating a lot—social pressures, changing emotions, and maybe even a fear of not being able to meet the expectations of her parents, peers, or even herself. The fact that she stopped participating in music competitions after facing stiff competition might indicate she’s dealing with fear of failure or rejection. It’s not that she doesn’t care, but more that she may be afraid of not being good enough, and in response, she avoids trying at all.

Instead of pushing her to excel, the first step might be to understand what’s going on emotionally. Teenagers are notorious for shutting down or rebelling when they feel pressure, even if it’s unintentional. Try creating an environment where she feels safe to open up without fear of judgment or comparison to others. Sit down with her and have an open, calm conversation where you genuinely listen to her side. She might not know how to express her frustrations or fears, but giving her the space to talk could help her feel supported instead of criticized.

I understand your concern about her spending hours on YouTube or watching reels. This can be both a form of escapism and a way for her to feel connected to her peers. Rather than banning or limiting screen time strictly, which could create more conflict, try to understand what she’s watching and why she’s so drawn to it. Maybe this can lead to finding a common ground or encouraging her to pursue interests related to what she enjoys online, without the pressure of competition.

It’s also possible she’s feeling the weight of expectations, even if you don’t consciously put them on her. Sometimes just knowing that her parents were high achievers can make her feel like she’s falling short. Helping her feel that it’s okay not to have everything figured out yet might ease some of the pressure.

You’re also right to be concerned about her influence on your younger son. His more disciplined nature may make him vulnerable to picking up some of her habits. But rather than positioning them as opposites, encourage them both to find balance—showing her that discipline and effort don’t have to come with the weight of pressure might help her change her behavior, too.

The arguments with your wife and the escalation at home are clearly a sign that things are reaching a boiling point, but remember that this doesn’t mean she’s unreachable. This is a tough stage, but with patience, empathy, and a bit of flexibility in your approach, it’s possible to guide her without feeling like you’re losing control of the situation.

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Kanchan Rai |331 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 07, 2024Hindi

HI, I am don't want to disclose name I am facing some mental issue from last two year. In March my father passed I have not good relation with my parent, because their exception are very high which is not possible for me to satisfied. So after my father my mother start daily fight with me for small small thing, my mother has long history of mental issue, and my father did not address that . Now she want to what she did with my father. Due to daily quarrel my daily day to activity got affected. I can’t concentrate on my self. My confidence is loosing. I want to be alone and in peace. I have loving wife and caring son, but still I feel lost. And after covid my office atmosphere also get dirty. My senior keep me irritating without any issue. I know my problem is my mother and second is my office boss. Is there is any way without leaving to them. Otherwise, I am determined to leave both of them and live my life peacefully. Please advice

Ans: First, regarding your mother, it’s crucial to establish boundaries. Her mental health struggles are serious, but they shouldn’t be allowed to overshadow your own well-being. It might be helpful to seek professional support for her, such as counseling or therapy. If she’s unwilling, then finding ways to distance yourself emotionally from her criticism is key. It's not easy, but learning not to absorb her negativity can help protect your mental health. You might also consider speaking to a counselor yourself to help you process these feelings and find strategies for coping with her behavior without having to completely sever ties.

As for your work situation, it sounds like the toxic environment is wearing you down. If leaving isn’t an immediate option, try to find small ways to shield yourself from the negativity. Can you limit your interactions with your senior or find ways to compartmentalize work stress so it doesn’t bleed into your personal life? Sometimes, focusing on things outside of work—hobbies, time with your wife and son—can provide a needed escape.

It sounds like you're craving solitude and peace, and while leaving both your mother and your job might seem like a solution, it may not be the only one. Start with small, manageable changes: establishing firmer boundaries with your mother, finding a counselor to talk to, and protecting your emotional space at work. These steps can help you regain control and give you the peace you're seeking without drastic decisions. Remember, you deserve that peace, and it’s possible to find it with the right support.

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Kanchan Rai |331 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 06, 2024Hindi

My wife has lost interest in sex from last 15-20 days she says she does not feel like having any carving her age is 41 and all test all normal .We even walk and do exercise daily .Kindly suggest what to do

Ans: It’s not uncommon for women to experience shifts in sexual desire, especially around the age of 41 when hormonal changes can start to subtly occur, even if all medical tests are normal. Stress, emotional factors, or even simple changes in routine can also play a big role in desire.

Since her tests came back normal and you both maintain a healthy lifestyle with walking and exercise, it may be helpful to focus on the emotional and psychological aspects rather than just the physical. Sometimes, a lack of desire can stem from mental fatigue, stress, or even a need for a deeper emotional connection.

You could try creating a more relaxed, intimate environment without the pressure of sex. Focus on spending quality time together—maybe a weekend getaway, a relaxing evening, or just simple, non-sexual physical affection, like cuddling or holding hands, which might help reignite that connection.

Also, open communication is key. Approach the topic with understanding and without pressure. Ask her how she’s feeling, if there’s anything on her mind, or if there’s something she would like to explore together. Sometimes, just talking openly can ease the tension and bring you both closer

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Kanchan Rai |331 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 08, 2024

Question by Akshay - Sep 05, 2024Hindi

Hi mam Me and wife's case is in court It's not a divorce case But she is refusing to come back She blocked me everywhere Please help

Ans: Right now, what you can do is reflect on what led to this point. The fact that you're in court indicates that things have escalated beyond normal discussions. Is there something specific that may have pushed her to take this step? If so, sometimes looking at the situation from her perspective can shed light on what might be causing her to retreat like this.

That doesn’t mean taking all the responsibility or guilt on yourself, but understanding her side can be the first step in showing her you’re willing to meet her halfway. If she sees that you’re open to listening, understanding her pain or fears, it could make her feel less defensive.

While you're unable to communicate directly because of the block, sometimes working through mutual friends or a mediator can help convey that you're open to reconciliation, but without pressuring her. She may be feeling emotionally vulnerable, and sometimes even just the pressure to come back can make things feel worse for her. Instead, if she knows you're open and ready to discuss things with patience, she might begin to soften over time.

One of the hardest parts of situations like this is the waiting, but I’d encourage you to focus on your own emotional well-being right now. The court process is stressful, but it’s important that you stay grounded and take care of yourself in the meantime. Once you are in a stronger emotional place, you’ll be better able to approach your wife when the time comes.

Lastly, if there’s a chance to resolve things through court mediation or counseling, this can be a great step forward. The fact that she’s avoiding direct communication means she might be struggling with something deeply personal, so a neutral space where you can both express your thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment might be beneficial.

It's about patience, understanding, and also showing her through your actions—not just words—that you're committed to making things better, without trying to force her into anything she's not ready for.

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Anu Krishna |1155 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 06, 2024Hindi

Dear Love Guru, I am married and 18 and 9 year old boys. I am married for 20 years, and my wife lost interest in sex from last couple of years. She also doesn’t like to sleep in same bed. I have tried to convince her, but she says , this not now age to have sex and she not young girl. Without sex, I am into depression, my wife says, she is happy to give divorce, if required. What would be best in my situation, should I go for divorce ?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Maybe your wife belongs to the group that believes that with age, one must reduce sexual intimacy OR that sex is only a means to having children.
So, just because your beliefs don't match, divorce is the only option? Work through your differences please. If on childhood, you and your siblings fought, did you think of separating from them, then why does this take place within a marriage?
Also, as a spouse you can make an effort to understand and work through this...sexual intimacy is not the only way to be close...foreplay, hugging, kissing etc are also ways to be close as a couple. This fixation that sex is the only way is what is causing you to be low (not depressed). Attend couples therapy; it will definitely help.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna |1155 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 08, 2024

Question by Nadmeen - Sep 05, 2024Hindi

Hello mam i am 23 and whaen i was 19 i had physical relationship with a guy who done black magic to me and has my photo with him he says he love me and want to marry me but i dont rejected it after that he tell everyone about it now i am totally depressed what should i do whether i live or die

Ans: Dear Nadmeen,
I don't know about black magic BUT I do know that as a girl you need to become stronger. Why would you waste your time and life over a 'loser'?
Surely you deserve better than this guy, yeah? Living in fear that he is going to do something etc may just be your way of protecting them. Be around positive people, focus on your studies and have a goal for the future. Tuning the mind on creation rather than fear helps a lot in changing the way that you feel now.
And most importantly, learn to love yourself. You are your most important person and never waste time on people who don't deserve you.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna |1155 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 05, 2024Hindi

I wanted to get clarity on my situation. I am 24yr old and i am working person. I am loving a girl in my office since two years and she also accepted. We are from intercaste and her parents accepted. But my parents are not in a way to get convinced no matter what. They want the caste to be same also and they are completely saying that what society will tell if you are doing like this and we cant live if you do like this. But i loved the girl the most and took care of her and being with her each and every second. I dono what to do. The only idea i m having is to go away from home , do my job and be with her. Now my parents are not allowing me to go to job also instead they asked me to take wfh. Please give me some suggestions on this. Please mam. Whenever i think of her that i left her and came i m getting so much chest pain which i cant bear. please help me with this. Constraints they are saying is its intercaste and age difference as she is 3yrs elder to me. But we feel that we are more compatible and more understanding. Girls side family agreed for this as they want their daughters happiness, but from myside they are doing emotional blackmail that they cant live if i do this and all. I am in hopeless situation, please help me with some suggestions.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
At the risk of sounding judgemental, I am going to say this...you can wait a few more years to actually get married. It will offer you financial stability which can act in your favor when you actually take the news to your parents. With financial stability, comes a certain level of confidence that you can use to stand your ground and make a decision. After all, you are an adult.
Caste beliefs are very strongly etched into minds in our society and take an entire generation change to accept a person from another caste/faith/religion...
So, you can either succumb to what your parents want OR wait patiently to tell them what your decision is. But whatever it is, make sure you don't make the girl wait and them 'dump' her after a few years...that is not OKAY! Stay firm and proceed. And as for the emotional blackmail from your parents on how they will live if you do this etc, it's a very unhealthy way of holding on to what they believe and want to to be pressured by all that drama. To counter this drama, you are falling back on your financial position and the confidence that comes with it.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna |1155 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 05, 2024Hindi

I got Married 20 years ago and my wife always fighting with me on pity issues and dominating me on every thing where i go to whom i talked. I have 1 daughter for which we lived together now for 3 years she didn't talk to me never make food or never loved me she told me to not to talk to my parents and relatives who are in other states. She checked my mobile and deleted my relatives and parents contact number. what will I do , I never forced to talk to my parents

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Clearly you are married to a person who needs to feel CONTROL and that is why she will dictate where you go, when you go and who you can be with etc.
If this is not something that you appreciate or can put up with, telling her is not going to work! There is an underlying cause for her domination and it is rooted in a fear of losing, fear of abandonment...This requires a lot of mind work to eliminate the source of the issue. If she is willing to, seek an appointment with someone who can work on her mind and guide her away from her fears and into a space of positive self-esteem where she will stop searching for a secure space outside of her.
You can only give it a try and the erst is up to her if she truly wants to be free from this chain of clingy-ness and unnecessary domination.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna |1155 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 04, 2024Hindi

Hello, I been married for 16 years now. From last 4 years, my wife has been getting involved with a colleague of her friend. After I found out, she said she is only friends with him and promised to stop chatting with him. But I found out that she was still talking to him. When I confronted her she denied it and said I am unnecessarily doubting her, but promised to stop and block him. But its empty promise and she continues chatting him. she refuses to sleep in same room and continues talking to him late into the night. I managed to get certain screen shots of her chats but nowadays she locked her phone. Her friends were encouraging her and also playing messenger/peacemaker role when she has a tiff with him. I really dont want a divorce because it will affect my kids but seems like there is no alternative. She keeps threatening me that she will file a case against me and my family and also that I need to pay for alimony if i plan to divorce. I indirectly raised this issue with her family but she has said so many negative things about me to them that they seem to take it lightly. I am frustrated now . Please advice

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What sort of a situation are you dealing with? Your wife chats with another man and then she is also threatening to file a case against you and your family? On what grounds?
If at all you are going to file for divorce, make sure that you keep whatever proof that you have intact with you. It can help strengthen your side of the story and her threats can be opposed accordingly.
If you still want the marriage to continue, it cannot go on like this...kindly seek professional help as your wife really needs to understand the meaning of marriage. If she is not interested in it, at least then it can proceed towards a separation BUT living under the same roof and still being involved with her colleague and then behaving as though you are to blame clearly suggests that she is not in the right frame of mind OR has decided that she does not want the marriage.
Whatever the case, do ask her what she intends and then it will give you an idea as to whether to separate or make efforts to rebuild the marriage.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna |1155 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 05, 2024

Question by Sangeeta - Sep 03, 2024Hindi

M married for four years n have been in separation since 3 years...M 30 years and he is 36 yrs old...Due to his family behaviour I left and came back.... actually he is a loving and caring person...during these 3 years we talked many times as well he blocked me many times..this kept on continuing...Suddenly again he called me on June this year and we even met..that time he promised that he will come on August n take me back but suddenly at the end of July he txtd me saying he will not come and blocked me... recently I heard that he is relationship with another girl....i tried contacting him but no way....he even said his friends that he is getting married to that girl...how can he do this to me???I love him a lot n m totally stressed now...don't know what to do??please help me

Ans: Dear Sangeeta,
Separation without really making any efforts to sort out the issues and finding a way together has possibly created a huge distance in his mind for you and to fill that gap, it has been rather simple for him to look for someone else.
This is sad, as you now want it all back; what made the two of you take each other for granted?
Did you both assume that the other person will not go anywhere?
Anyway, what's happened has happened. If you truly want to fix what's going on; there must a SHOW of it in intent and talk. Request a meeting with him and tell him that you wish to talk about the marriage. Let's say he says that he wants to have nothing to do with you; just remain calm and still request him for that meeting. Sooner than later, he will yield as he needs to get this business of marriage in order for whatever that he has decided.
In that meeting, don't hold back on what you want. At the same time, make sure that you DO NOT bring the past back and indulge in blame game; he will again scurry away! Be patient and tell him how much you love and care for him and that you are willing to along with him rebuild the marriage. Be very genuine with all of this...It could give him a gauging of how serious you are...
Make a genuine effort...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna |1155 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 30, 2024Hindi

My wife is 60 years and not interested in sex for the past 5 years saying that it is painful. Is it common among all woman above 55 years

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I won't say it is common among all woman above 55 but it is not uncommon as a good number of women do not find sex interesting due to hormonal changes in the body after menopause.
If your wife is also interested in reviving sexual intimacy, kindly visit a gynecologist who can prescribe supplements, creams for making sex almost painless.
But do know that there are going to be changes from when she was younger and rather than being fixated on an idea that sex must be 'like this or like that', find other playful ways of enjoying sexual intimacy. You maybe pleasantly surprised and actually like the newness of the new phase of life.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Ravi Mittal |296 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 03, 2024Hindi

Hi Gurus, recently I had a weird experience wherein a female sent a request to me on a popular professional platform and she being from the medical field I accepted it without much of a thought, we then exchanged contact details and then she dropped a text saying she wanted to talk, as I was in the office I asked her to call in the evening as I was busy, then she called back and said she wanted to talk romantically and wanted to do a video call, I panicked and refused to accept the video call, I further blocked her as I didn't expect the behaviour from a person of her stature, but I am having mixed feelings about the incident as I really don't know her intentions. Yours Truly P

Ans: Dear P,

You made the right call. If you have even the slightest doubt about someone's behavior or intentions, the best course of action is to avoid that match/person.

I am glad you could think fast on your feet and most likely dodged an uncomfortable situation.

Hope this helps.

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Ravi Mittal |296 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 04, 2024Hindi

Please advice on reliable dating apps as I want to explore some romance outside my work place. I m male 35 years old , single does nt want to marry . Some healthy flirting looking for

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

There are several amazing dating apps in India that tailored specifically for the Indian audience. While I can't name them, I would suggest doing a little research before picking one. The right fit should cater to your needs- casual dating. Some apps are more suited for serious daters while others are focused on casual dating- the latter should be fine for you. Once you do find the right one for you, make sure to optimize your profile well to find a match quickly. A clear and recent picture as your DP and a well-written Bio will do the trick.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi Mittal |296 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 03, 2024Hindi

I'm 27F, planning on doing Masters in the US to better my career. By the time the course begins I'll be 28+. It'll take me 2 years to complete the degree and settle down, I'll be 30+ by then. Parents have already found a good guy for my marriage here in India, I like the prospect too, but if I marry I'll have to drop my masters and try something else for my career here in India which will be tougher and also I'm worried that I might not get such a suitable match later on. What should I do?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

It's a big decision and I understand you are torn between the options in front of you. I wish I could pick one for you and make the decision easier, but it is you who has to decide. But I can help you in making the right choice.
There are a bunch of questions that you can ask yourself, and once you answer them honestly, you will have the solution to this problem-

First of all, think about your long-term career goals. Will getting a master's degree in the U.S. have a significant impact on your career? Would it open up opportunities that would be otherwise unavailable?

Second, how important is this career decision for you- if you don't do this and settle for getting married, would you regret it?

Third, how ready are you to get married? Are you thinking of getting married because of family pressure or are you worried you might not find someone if you choose a career over this proposed man? It's important to understand this because if these are your reasons, they are not the right ones.

Fourth, is there no way to get both? There are great institutes in India where you can pursue your master's degree. Just in case you don't want to gamble and decide to get married to the man your parents picked for you, why not look for an alternative pathway?

There's another option, you can discuss with both your parents and your potential partner about your ambition and move. If this man is truly a good match, he should support your educational and career aspirations. Maybe a clear discussion will help you find a middle ground and balance both your career and your future with him.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi Mittal |296 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 03, 2024

Question by Euro - Sep 01, 2024Hindi

My girlfriend's parents snatched her phone as they were having a doubt on her , they catched my whatsapp chats . They beated her very much and told her not to go to college. After some days they allowed her to appear in exams .she calls me everyday from her aunt's phone. When will her parents give her phone back to her

Ans: Dear Euro,

I am not sure if they will give her phone back, but I am sure that you both should reconsider this relationship. If her parents are so aggressive about it and it's leading to her getting physically assaulted, maybe it's not a good idea to continue the relationship in secret. The best course of action would be to have an open discussion first.

Best Wishes.

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Shalini Singh |121 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on Sep 02, 2024

Question by S - Aug 23, 2024Hindi

I am a single mother, my husband has passed away 1.10 years ago, now I have decided to find a life partner, my son age is 3.5 years--how can I select a perfect guy for me?

Ans: there is no concept of a perfect man or a woman in fact its the responsibility of the couple to make their relationship as close to perfect. ways to look for a match is let your family and friends know, look at other options / singles community both online and offline.

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Anu Krishna |1155 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 02, 2024

Question by Abhijeet - Aug 29, 2024Hindi

Hi, i am a divorcee, my ex wife took custody of my son. as per our mutual consent, i have a weekly visiting access to my son. but my ex wife is frequently changes her address and not in contact, i am unable to meet my son from last 18 months. he is saying Daddy to her brother. kindly give any solution. i dont want to go court again where i already loose my 6/7 years.

Ans: Dear Abhijeet,
From what I have understood, people skirt around the Court's orders where it concerns visitation rights. Sadly, you have to go back to the Court as your wife thinks she can go on with this game forever. Find a good lawyer and go ahead on his/her advice.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna |1155 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 31, 2024Hindi

i am married for 20 years and have a 13 year old daughter, there is no physical connection with my wife for the last 10 years. i have got into a relationship twice in last 8 years. the first one didn't go through. i am in my 2nd relation now which i want to take it ahead for the rest of my life. my wife knew my first relationship and she has a doubt about my 2nd relation. considering the non cooperation in house hold activities and marital responsibilities , i decided to call it quits and asked for divorce and she is adamant, not willing to give divorce saying that if she divorces me i will remarry and it should not happen as i should suffer as she so also suffering. my parents and her parents tried their level best to patch up, but in vain. i am staying alone separately from a year. what should be next step in trying for mutual consent for the divorce?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
This may sound a bit harsh and judgemental to you but if there was trouble in the marriage, was it not possible to actually have a conversation with your wife about it? After 2 relationships outside of marriage to escape the trouble, how did you assume that your wife is going to excited about the prospects of a divorce?
It's always better talking things through and agree mutually rather than go behind someone's back to get what you want.
The best option since you have mentioned divorce is to contact a lawyer and proceed as per their advice.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna |1155 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 30, 2024Hindi

hi anuji. I have been married for last 12 years with 2 kids of 10 years. in March I came to know that my wife is repeatedly on call with one person. after checking call logs came to know that she was in touch with the person from last 8 months. initially she denied and informed that she is talking with her female friend but on Truecaller male name was displayed. when I confronted 2-3 times she agreed she was speaking with male person but he is outside town for training purpose. when I checked the persons records I came to know that dates provided by my wife were incorrect. I went to marriage counseling and after repeated confortation she agreed she has committed mistake and asked for forgivenes and requested one chance. after 2 months I came to know that she has lent money without my knowledge to 2 people whom we had agreed that she would not speak 7-8 years back but now came to know she was in contact and has lent money and jewellery without my knowledge. people are refusing to return. these incidents have happened 4-5 months back and wife has moved on but it's difficult for me to trust her even after 5-6 sessions of marriage counseling. currently we are enjoying healthy married life but back of mind it's very difficult to trust my wife and I face anxiety and depression issue whenever such thoughts crop in my mind. I am been in marriage for children well-being and overall family well-being. I have already informed her parents and given ultimatum that if such things repeats then there wouldn't be any chance of recourse. last six months have been worse due to this issue. I want to know how to decrease anxiety and fear of such issue cropping in my life as it's getting difficult to trust.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You learn to live with the fact that your wife is going to do stuff like this or you are going to be faced with constant anxiety...
OR
Give an ultimatum and then go to someone highly recommended for a couples therapy. You both need therapy more than just counseling...
When all trust is list, working at rebuilding it, can be a huge task BUT do take the help of a professional. He/She will dig deeper to find out what goes on in your wife's mind when she lends money or is in random conversations with people. It looks like a people-pleasing thing but without knowing all the facts and going deeper, this is all I can suggest. Try going to a professional who can handle this well and if after that thing still don't work out, the ultimatum is the only thing that might work.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Shalini Singh |121 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on Sep 01, 2024

Question by MR - Sep 01, 2024Hindi

Hi My name is MR and I am 47 years old. For a long time, I was single until I met AS, who is 46. At first, I was hesitant to move forward, but we eventually became intimate. Over the next six months, we had a deeply physical relationship, and my life began to revolve around her. I had never experienced such intense feelings for anyone before and felt that she was equally in love with me. We wanted to take our relationship to the next level, but due to complications with my divorce, I needed more time. She also had not finalized her divorce and was planning to start the process. Meanwhile, I saw her facing challenges in life and managing household tasks to support herself despite having completed her master's degree. Her visa did not permit her to work. We patiently waited together until her visa issues were resolved, after which I secured a job for her at the firm where I worked. She then traveled to India to initiate the divorce process. For three weeks, I anxiously waited for her return. When she came back, I came to know that she was back with her husband, she informed me that she was moving away with him for the children's sake. This left me devastated and in a deep depression for two months. Upon her return to the office, we had to work together for several hours daily, and I struggled to control my feelings, reverting to old behaviors. After her husband found out I called her by a personal nickname and yelled at her, she asked me to write an apology letter. I felt utterly devastated. During our next trip to India, I once again saw her with another man, this time sharing a hotel room. When I confronted her about it, she claimed he was a family member. I was 100% sure that he was not. He was a CEO of one firm here. HE is married and I know his wife too. This deeply devastated me. I feel at a loss and uncertain about how to handle the situation. Since she reports to me, any misstep on my part could be seen as harassment. What should I do? I want to come out of this. I am also planning to be back with my wife and kid and is calling off my divorce. I need help to come back to a stable life. MR

Ans: Firstly it seems you have clarity that you are calling your divorce off - please do so with a fresh start taking no past baggage - whatever it may be about your poor relationship with the wife or the episode of physical intimacy with AS. Basically focus on your now and your future. As for AS you are not responsible with who she deals with - the issue I see in all of this is she and you working in the same team - you may need to do something here, and here are my suggestions (1) change her or your reporting in the same organisation (2) look for another job - i know they dont come easy but if you can look for another job - working in close quatres with her is not recommended. Also dont get emotional about her - you 2 were consenting adults going through something similar in your life when you met- you found solace in each other - you got emotionally entangled, she did not..it is ok, these things happen BUT now you need to focus on you, your present and your furture. all the best

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Shalini Singh |121 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on Sep 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 31, 2024Hindi

I am 29 years old man. My concern is related to love. I have never really been in a relationship. I'm not sure how much success I would have had if I even would have tried. I have been complemented by women saying that they find me attractive. But didn't go beyond that and I never really pursued it beyond that. The reason being I never wanted to risk being emotionally attached to someone who wouldn't necessarily be there for me in the long term. That's why I never pursued a relationship. I'm not socially awkward or easily get anxious. I used to think that it is better if I wait for marriage as well. But given the times I'm made to feel like that is now considered a 'red flag' these days. I just wanted to know if this would hurt my marriage prospects. I do believe in women having an equal opinion in the relationship. I don't hold any opinions that could be considered misogynistic or sexist. But I just wish to know is it really a red flag and if it is what do I do to tackle the same

Ans: Are you asking if not being in a relationship will hurt your marriage prospects? Being in a relationship is a personal choice and you can be in one at any age before you marry - highly recommended to be friends with the person you decide to marry. all the best

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Kanchan Rai |331 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 30, 2024Hindi

Hello sir/mam I am in trouble and anxiety bcz of the problem. Problem is, last year I met a girl in Instagram, we have chatted and got closed, sometimes I help her with money as she was telling she is preparing for government job and need some money for personal reasons. Once she needed mobile phone I ordered online for her to given address. The UPI that I used to send money does not belongs to her when I was asking she was telling she is her junior studying in same coaching centre. Later after 2-3 months our conversation went sexual and 2-3 times we had sexual conversation. But in every 3-4 days she was demanding money. And I send her frequently. When later I realised she is talking to me only for money then I tried to avoid her. Now the Junior whom I used to send money was calling me and telling me that the girl always saying you are family member and sending money. That's why I called you. She has taken some money and she supposed to return me in 2-3 days but not picking my call pls give me 2k it's urgent. When I denied he told I will give you back once she will return so I gave him 2k. Later again he called me that he called her father and his father is asking your contact number then only her father will return money. And ask me if I can give him 2k more he will not share my number to her father, so I given him again 2k. Now a man blackmailing me with girl's contact number saying he is her brother. She used to talk to me what is my relationship with her ? How do I know her? Bcz she has run away with someone and missing since 3-4 days and she left her phone in home. What should I do?

Ans: You're in a difficult and potentially dangerous situation. It appears you've been targeted in a scam, where emotional manipulation and blackmail are at play. The best course of action is to stop all communication with these individuals immediately and avoid sending any more money. Document everything you've experienced so far, including messages and transactions, as this could be important if you need to seek legal advice. It's also advisable to contact local authorities to report the scam and seek their guidance on how to protect yourself from further harassment. Prioritize your safety and well-being by distancing yourself from this situation as much as possible.

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Kanchan Rai |331 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 30, 2024Hindi

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Kanchan Rai |331 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 29, 2024Hindi

Hello Ma'am, I am 52, Divorced. My life is going through lots of turmoil at the moment, I lost my job, my sister is diagnosed with 4th stage cancer. I am finding difficult to take it. I don't know what to do? Please advise?

Ans: Losing your job and facing your sister's serious illness at the same time is incredibly tough. It's natural to feel overwhelmed.

First, allow yourself to acknowledge these feelings. Talking to friends, family, or a counselor can help you feel less alone. Focus on small steps to regain some control, like taking care of your health and reaching out for support.

Regarding your job, consider this an opportunity to explore new possibilities. Utilize job search resources or seek career counseling to guide you through this transition.

With your sister's illness, being there for her is important, but also remember to take care of your own mental health. It's okay to seek help and take things one step at a time. You're not alone, and there are people and resources that can support you through this difficult time.

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Kanchan Rai |331 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 28, 2024Hindi

I am a 50-year-old who feels a growing inclination towards a female student of mine, who is around 30 years old. We often communicate through WhatsApp. I have two daughters, aged 26 and 28. My relationship with my wife is currently strained.

Ans: The strain in your marriage might be contributing to these feelings. When a primary relationship becomes difficult, it's natural to seek comfort or connection elsewhere. However, it's important to consider whether your feelings for your student are a reflection of what’s missing in your marriage rather than a true, lasting attraction.

Before making any decisions, it may be beneficial to address the issues in your marriage directly. Couples counseling or a candid conversation with your spouse might help clarify where you both stand and what needs to be done to improve your relationship. This could also provide some insight into whether these feelings for your student are more about the current state of your marriage than about the student herself.

It’s also crucial to maintain professional boundaries with your student to avoid complications that could arise from crossing that line. Your focus might be better placed on resolving the challenges at home and understanding the root of your current feelings. This approach can help you make decisions that align with both your personal values and professional responsibilities.

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Kanchan Rai |331 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 14, 2024Hindi

Hi, I married a guy I dnt find attractive because of family pressure. Rest everything was almost what I wanted but I tried for 6 months I dnt find him attractive. I dnt like when he even sit next to me and we have never had sex because I told him m not ready what can I do now? Should I wait for one more year before I take any decision. Whenever I see him or they way he carries himself I feel awkward and uncool plus sometimes disguisted, he is unaware of the fact that being not very good looking or not carring yourself better is two different things I cannot tell him each and everything about how to look good and how to carry yourself. He doesn’t take care of his beard, his teeth’s are bad. I dnt know what to do m depressed.

Ans: First, it's important to acknowledge your feelings and understand that attraction and physical chemistry are important components of a relationship. The fact that you feel awkward and even disgusted at times when you're around your husband is a sign that something isn't right for you. These feelings won't just go away with time if they're not addressed.

However, it's also important to recognize that these issues can be multifaceted. Sometimes, initial lack of attraction can change over time if there is emotional connection and effort from both sides. But that requires a willingness from you to explore those possibilities and from him to understand and make changes.

You mentioned that your husband is unaware of your feelings, which is a significant point. It may be time to have an open and honest conversation with him, even though it might be difficult. You don’t have to be brutally honest about everything at once, but you can start by gently addressing some of the issues that are affecting your attraction to him. For example, you could discuss the importance of self-care and suggest changes in his grooming or appearance in a supportive way.

This kind of conversation can be tricky because you want to avoid hurting his feelings while still being truthful about your needs. Framing your concerns as things that would help improve the relationship overall might make it easier for him to hear and understand.

As for whether you should wait another year, that depends on whether you see potential for change and whether you think you can work through these feelings with time and effort. If you don’t see any hope for these feelings to improve, staying in the marriage may only lead to more frustration and resentment.

On the other hand, if you think there’s a chance that with communication, understanding, and perhaps some counseling, the situation could improve, then giving it more time might be worth it. Sometimes, working with a relationship counselor can provide a safe space to discuss these issues and find a path forward, whether that’s towards making the relationship work or deciding it’s not right for you.

Ultimately, your well-being is crucial. If staying in this relationship continues to make you feel depressed, and if you don’t see any hope for improvement, it might be necessary to consider your options more seriously. It’s important to prioritize your mental and emotional health and make decisions that align with what you truly want for your life and happiness.

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Kanchan Rai |331 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 28, 2024

Question by Mahendra - Aug 15, 2024Hindi

Hi I am 41 years old and divorced twice. I have married second time due to family pressure and emotionally, but the same has not been succeed because I was in love with my first spouse and our daughter. I have completed all legal formalities for the same and there is not any legal binding with anyone. I have one daughter who is 15 years old with my first spouse. After long time I realised that I am in love with my first spouse and my daughter. I never seen to my first spouse after divorce since 2009. But I used to go and meet my Daughter on her Birthday to wish with the permission of inlaws. They respect my Father and Sister. I got divorced from my first spouse due to my mistakes which have done unknowingly in 2008. I have written letter to my first spouse and my daughter to ask for sincere apology. Also they knows about my second marriage and divorce also. I am staying alone and my question is whether we will succeed if my first spouse will agree to reunite again with my daughter. Also need some tips to stay happily with them. My desire will fulfill if we reunite again. Need your advice . Thanks

Ans: Reconnecting with your first spouse and daughter after such a long time is a deeply emotional journey, and it's understandable that you're feeling a mix of hope and anxiety about the future. Given the history you’ve shared, it’s clear that your intentions are sincere, and you’ve done a lot of reflecting on your past mistakes. Here’s how you might approach this situation as you seek to rebuild your relationship.

First, it's crucial to approach your first spouse with patience and understanding. It’s been many years since you were last together, and while your feelings of love have resurfaced strongly, her emotions may be more complex. She might need time to process your apology and the idea of reuniting. This process could take time, so it’s important not to rush her or pressure her into making a decision quickly. Rebuilding trust, especially after a long separation, is a gradual process.

Your relationship with your daughter is also central to this. Since you've made the effort to maintain a connection by visiting her on her birthdays, that’s a positive foundation. However, your daughter is now a teenager, and her feelings about you reuniting with her mother could be complicated. It might be helpful to have open and honest conversations with her, letting her know how much you care about her and her mother, but also respecting her feelings and concerns.

If your first spouse is open to the idea of reuniting, it will be important to acknowledge the mistakes you made in the past and show that you’ve grown from those experiences. Demonstrating your commitment to change and being a better partner and father will be key to winning back her trust. Actions will speak louder than words, so be consistent in showing her that you’re serious about making things work this time.

As for staying happy together if you do reunite, communication and mutual respect are essential. Be open about your feelings, listen to hers, and be willing to work through challenges together. Relationships require effort from both sides, and it's important to approach this with a mindset of partnership rather than trying to “fix” things alone.

Remember, it’s possible to rebuild and even strengthen relationships after hardship, but it requires time, patience, and a genuine commitment to making it work. Your desire to reunite with your first spouse and daughter is deeply meaningful, and with care and dedication, you have a chance to create a new chapter together.

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Anu Krishna |1155 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 28, 2024Hindi

I'm legally seperated my wife 48 years of married life. I had given almost all of my own hard earned money to her and only son. I depend on my ancestral property and my stock business I'm staying in an old age home. There I got a very ordinary looking old woman as friend We share our sorrows and sometimes go out to enjoy very limited intimacy. My ex wife troubles me even for this smal happiness I have in my utter failure life I'm retired medical college Professor with M. D., Ph. D. qualified. What action I can take as a legally separated man. Hope you will have some solution Many gurus don't respond even

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Ignore your ex-wife...she will stop bothering you when she realizes that what she does, does not bother you and that you don't get provoked by it.
Until she harasses you like threatens your mental and physical space, you cannot take legal recourse. Which means that you need to manage this by completely ignoring all the funny things she does to trouble you. Become silent to her taunts and provocations; she will slowly ease herself out of your life.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Ravi Mittal |296 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Aug 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 25, 2024Hindi

I met someone in highschool in my neighborhood and we used to chat a lot and were in love. I went on my first date with him without telling my parents and since I was young I didn't want to do that and I ghosted him. I think I never really not loved him and hence didn't date and got busy with life. He got in a relationship and was busy with his academics too but used to text me on my birthday. I knew about it and never really responded much. Last year, I was really depressed and since I had cut ties with my friends too, I decided to start talking him to again. Got to know about his breakup an year back and now we are dating. He has cheered me up, he is very honest too. But I keep thinking I don't find him handsome or that I feel guilty for no reason. Basically I think I only am with him because I was feeling extremely low. Should I continue this?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

It is amazing that you found a person who could cheer you up at your lowest points in life. Now that you are being honest with yourself and realizing that you might want him just for that, I would have to be honest with you and tell you that it isn't fair at all. It's not fair to him. He deserves someone who loves him for who he is, just as you do. It would be best for both of you to have a clear discussion. Be honest but not brutally; being kind while being honest works just as well.

Best Wishes.

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Shalini Singh |121 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on Aug 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 28, 2024Hindi

Ma'am I'm in love with a Jatt guy. We both are in love with each other. But I'm not a Jatt. He already told me about the circumstances that can come when it comes to marriage point of view. His family is very much orthodox, they already asked their son to choose a girl from their community. Meanwhile he respect his family a lot, which is too good. Can you please advice me how to convince his family?

Ans: your answer is in the question - he will marry as per his family and his family wants someone from the same community. Also you need not convince HIS family - if someone has to do the convincing it is him - all the best.

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Anu Krishna |1155 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 22, 2024Hindi

Hi Anu, I am a guy 45, married and with 2 lovely children. My wife and I have great relationship from the time of love marriage. I love her a lot and as a family all is great financially, emotionally. It does seem to be like a perfect family anyone can ask for. During dating she was she was flirting with others but after all our love and commitment we moved ahead. She has this nature of seeking attention from others and I was ok as long as it was harmless. After our first child, I know it must be difficult for her as a new mother etc but I caught her with her colleague, they were having affair for 1.5 years. she regretted her decision and I forgive her. I gave her more attention and we continued, she shows all the love and affection and I know in my heart she loved me a lot as I do the same. All was good, we had a second child and the pregnancy and post pregnancy was happy. She has been very happy and giving her all to the family. Our relationship was very good from every angle. yet again she had a one night stand and also another affair. This time i was heard broken. She is independent, she earns well and better than me of which I am proud of. If she is unhappy with the relationship and marriage, i am happy if she is wants to move on for her good. But she repented again and says he cannot live without me and that she only loves me. If there is so much love I am unable to understand why she is looking elsewhere. I have asked her to make me understand but she has no answer. I have forgiven her as my love for her is a lot and I know she does love me too and we continue our marriage... but I am unable to figure out this nature and for her and myself I want to understand what can be done. I am lost.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I can see that it is very unsettling for you. It might have been a huge deal to know that your wife has been vying for attention outside of marriage and also indulging in the physical angle as well.
It's possible that she is getting used to your being okay with the entire thing and just adapting to it that there has been no thought on how she can change the way that she is. Since you have forgiven her, there is nothing that needs to change in her...that's the message that you are implying to her.

She possibly is just exploring and trying new things for herself, she is looking for validation and attention outside...the reasons could be many...wandering is only an indication of something that we are not happy with within ourselves or in our lives...If you want your situation to change, I would strongly recommend Couples Therapy to unearth what exactly is happening. It might give both of you some perspective and since there's love still within the marriage, things might actually fall in place quickly.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna |1155 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 22, 2024Hindi

Hi, I love my parents a lot & the same way is for them, but in my family there are people who might say ill words against my father if he agreed to my decision, its really been 5 years I am trying to convince my father and even my grandfather also convinced him, but still my father is on the same point that I will not let this happen & if you want to do you go ahead but you will never come back here. I know the love and worry he have for me but there are many people ( one pandit) out of nowhere they are coming and askiing me to leave the guy and get marrieg in same caste. How the rules are changed if they know that my relationship is now 16 yrs & now I am making a tough decision of getting court marriage done. But suggest me will there be any tiny hope where I can still ask my father to be on my side. Apart from that he agreed for cousin marrigae in same cast but he will not attend that marrirage for mine atleast he can give me blessing. I was a good bacha for him which really made him hurt and he didnt expected this from me, tell me how can i make them agree

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
16 years is a long time and I am sure that you have thought this through...It's possible that your father may come around someday...for now, it's time for you to take a decision to live life and take charge. You cannot force him to agree to anything and maybe address what his worries. Some of it may make sense and some of it may seem unnecessary. But ultimately he is a parent and wishes you well.
Address his concerns and if he still does not want to look at things differently, you know what you can do...So, take charge...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna |1155 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 22, 2024Hindi

Hi Ma'am, I got married few years back to my boyfriend. It was an intercaste marriage to which my parents opposed very strongly. They tried doing everything from verbal abuse, emotional abuse, guilt tripping, calling names, blaming my education to even asking me to leave my job. But with my elder brothers support I was able to still go ahead and got married to him. Today my parents love my partner a lot and are very happy with the very same person and his family which they were earlier opposing to due to fear of what others will say to this intercaste marriage. But today there is a similar situation built up at home with my brother's wedding. He is in his 30s and parents are concerned of getting him married asap. He told them about his girlfriend from other caste which was okay with the parents but they didnt like the girl purely from looks. They are concerned now that people will question them why you bought such a bride for your son and that they had so many beautiful prospects to which they said NO and now will be making this girl a bride of the house which will open them to mockery of others. They have not even met the girl but only after seeing photos they are so negative and again hurting us as well as themselves by saying lot of negative toxic things and guilt tripping for everything they have done for us. I feel they will become happy in few years but at this point they are not even agreeing to meet the family due to which the girl's family is getting apprehensive of marrying their daughter to our family. I have been trying to convince my parents but they start saying things like you also did the same so you will obviously support and we don't want to be a part of anything. If you want to get married go ahead and do it but don't expect us to be a part of it. What should I be doing?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your parents like giving their children a challenging time by exerting authority and then afterwards giving in to prove that they yielded and are such good people. It may sound pretty mean, but a lot many people play this power struggle games simply to win favors. This happens in the relationship sphere in homes and work spaces.
Now, in this case, your parents may or may not come around BUT seeing the way they accepted your marriage, give your brother's situation a bit of a pause. This will help your parents know that no one is going to beg and plead them and then let them have the pleasure of saying YES.
It will also enable you and your brother to work in the background as to how to make the girls' side of the family and your parents to meet. So, take a bit of a backseat that will also aid in letting your parents breathe. Wait it out a bit and then work with your parents gently to address their concerns and then eventually make the parents meet. A bit of patience...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna |1155 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 19, 2024Hindi

Hello. I am dating someone from almost 4 years. During those years, our relationship has grown to the extent that we know we are pretty much compatible in aspects such as values, friendship, vulnerability, understanding and support. But one or two factors have always been a hurdle in commitment for a marriage which he himself consider as superficial but is not able to completely let go of. So, he suggests that we can compromise on those factors, and focus on other positives. The problem is that he feels that we don't have that romantic spark and chemistry which he had imagined. But he is ready to settle on that, and thus, I also shouldn't expect his 100 percent response in romance. I don't know how to take this statement. I never felt that missing part; I never asked for grand romantic gestures. I did complain sometimes about basic expressions of romance. I feel his approach as if it is some sort of calculation with no instinctive feeling. And how do I not take this comment as personal.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You can skim over aspects that are superficial but how do you turn a blind eye when it's about romance and chemistry. Isn't that one of the major aspects?
I would suggest that the two of you talk this over and let not either of you compromise over this. Because once you do, it's bound to come out in bigger ways later in the relationship. Of course, it does come across as a personal comment and he is possibly trying to cover it up by saying that he is ready to settle. NO! It's not a favor, BUT you also must know whether the two of you are compatible as a couple. Treat this comment of his as a sign that there is something missing. Now how important this is, is something for the two of you to evaluate. But at no point must this become a thing of argument between the two of you!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna |1155 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 21, 2024Hindi

Hi! I am married for last 12 years. I am living with my wife, child and in laws at a house allotted to her by the company where she works. When the child was 1 year old I had to ask for help from my in laws. Since then they have stayed with us. (Inlaws have a flat nearby which they have rented as they have some health issues and are not willing to move out ). My relationship with my wife and in laws is in a difficult situation. Wife manages a number of household issues in consultation with her parents. This has often irked me forcing a late return from work and not conversing much with the inlaws. The child also seems to be getting hold of the situation and often ignores me. Recently there was an altercation between me and my wife when she asked me to stay away from them. (She says it whenever we fight over any family matter). Now, I am staying away at a secluded place for the past few days and have not receiveda single call from anyone. I don't know how to deal with all this. Kindly guide.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Overstaying can lead to this. But how can you ask them to leave, right? They are you in-laws and they have been kind enough to help your wife when she needed it.
But, hey it was for a brief time and sadly neither your wife nor your in-laws have understood and they have begun to like to overstaying.
I think you and your wife need to talk this over where you express that its time the two of you took charge and managed the situation at home. As for your in-laws you can always thank them immensely and respectfully ask them to visit soon after a few months. It's a very strategic way of doing this as there are people involved with real raw emotions which in this case can become a huge mess.
But for this to happen, you and your wife need to be in perfect agreement otherwise, the whole thing could be turned against you where you will be looked upon as a villain. So, please express your concerns with your wife and make her understand that as a family the two of you and child need to have your space and privacy to bond and grow.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Asked on - Sep 01, 2024 | Answered on Sep 02, 2024

Extremely grateful for your reply. I have been trying to communicate to my inlaws about my unhappiness about the whole scenario (including their overstay) but never had the courage to talk to them directly on this matter. My fear is that they may say that I took advantage of them when I needed their help. Another issue is that my own parents live in the same city and are much older with their own set of medical issues. It's been a difficult task to strike a balance. Is there any other way out? Our marriage is also at stake as she has asked for a divorce a couple of times.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I still maintain what I suggested for you in-laws...use the strategy suggested and not directly asking them to leave. I am sure you know how you can do this.
As for your parents, if they are in the same city, you can always think of hiring some help to take care of them and visit them when you can and also have them visit you. Aging parents need emotional support and when they know that their children are around emotionally, that gives them a lot of strength.
Divorce is loose and unnecessary word. Kindly do not use it unless you really mean it. It can permanently damage the marriage. And even if you mean it, saying it in anger is disrespectful; having a conversation and asking for divorce is very respectful rather than using it as a threat.
Marriage is a two-way street. You respect and earn the respect of your spouse.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Asked on - Sep 08, 2024 | Answered on Sep 08, 2024

Thanks a lot! Trying to work on your advice. Will update.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I appreciate you getting back. It will be great to read an update from you soon...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna |1155 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 19, 2024Hindi

Hi there, i am going through a difficult phase in my life, i dont know where to start but here my story goes. i work in UAE and i had a balanced and peaceful life until last November where i got married (arranged). we first met last year in march through marriage broker and everything matched, family also liked and we got married in November 2023. Before marriage we used to speak for 10-15 mins almost everyday (all casual talks and i thought everything was ok and she was the perfect match for me and my family). so after marriage i travelled back to uae and was supposed to bring her to UAE in Jan 2024. I had one past relationship for 2 years and we had broken up last year February as she was a from north of india and i was from south India and our families were against it and she wanted to go against family and get married but i was not ready as for me family became priority and we broke up. And after this relationship ended then only this match happened and after one month of my marriage my ex reached out to my wife and shared our relationship details and my wife got very upset and went back to her home. I travelled back to india to console her and tell her that it was my past and i am no longer in relation with my ex and our family involved and sorted this issue. My wife came back to us and everything was normal after that. My wife came to UAE in January 2024 and we started our married life here. All seemed good until i noticed a pattern of her taking to a person on phone everyday when i am out for office and also being very cautious with her phone. On confronting this she told its is her friend and i told her what is the point in talking to him daily for which she cried and told that i am controlling and she dont have freedom to talk to her friends. I left it as she was at home alone and bored and she was also looking for job here and may be with time she will change but still the talking continued until one day in May i was uploading her resume for her job and had access to her google photos and was shocked to see her photos with the guy whom she calls friend. There were photos of her with him after our marriage and also photos with him the day before she came to UAE. I confronted this with her and she cried and told that previously she had relation with him and parents did not agree and later she married me and had forgotten him but since she came to know about my past relationship she continued to stay in contact with him. She is not telling the complete story as i saw their photos before our marriage and even before our match happened and I have also seen her google location timelines as well. I told her to stop this if we want to continue our marriage she told ok but she still talks & chats to him through watsapp & botim because she is very secretive of her phone. She takes good care of me and tells she loves me but I am not sure she really loves me or just faking it. Now she is 3 months pregnant. I am thinking she will leave me for her ex giving me the baby after the baby is born as she mentioned this during one of our arguments. This is one side of my story and between all this my mom fell sick and upon consulting, she was diagnosed with cervical cancer stage 3A and I tried to get her the best treatment (chemo) but the cancer has spread widely and because of her age also she cannot take the treatment. Tried ayurvedic and herbal medicines but nothing can be done and doctors have told max she will live is 6 months. She is bedridden now and in pain everyday. I have a decent job in Dubai with decent salary where I have built my own house in my native and managing my home (parents in india & wife is UAE) but currently my finances is also effected very badly as I spent lot of money for our marriage and for my mothers treatment and I have loans and multiple credit cards as well. I am very stressed and all these things are eating me up daily and i don't know what to do and what went wrong and where? Even i cannot focus on my job as well. Please advise how can i go about these situation. i cannot share these to anyone also, Please advise.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It is always better that your spouse hears about your past from you and no one else.
Obviously your ex decided to have the best revenge by reaching out to your wife and it has made its mark as it has messed with your wife's head and seeped within your marriage making it difficult for the two of you to have a relationship. And now, a baby as well when your relationship is still messed up?
Sort this out before the baby arrives. No point wondering is she is going to leave you etc. Why could your wife not trust you even when you ex came back with stories, I wonder!
Do you both realize the lack of communication has resulted in a breakdown of trust? Can you reconnect at least now and at least for the sake of the child?
Come together as a couple and learn to love, support and trust and the only way to do that is by keeping the last away...
Is it possible? YES! Only if you choose it...
So, make that choice of working on the marriage, keep the past out and think of how to move ahead...Easier said and also done...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna |1155 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 26, 2024

Question by Srisamhita - Aug 19, 2024Hindi

I am sam i am 20 yr old . When I was 17 my parents talked an alliance i said I don't want to get married but they talked about the groomed so much that I accepted to get married then after 1 month i lied to him that I love someone but so he stopped after 2 yrs they are coming back thinking that I am mature now they want me to get married my dad said he want me to get married to that groom and I am flip flopping . I still don't want to get married but no one seems to understand me or let me be single . I don't know what to do anymore

Ans: Dear Srisamhita,
Here is your answer in this link below:
https://gurus.rediff.com/question/qdtl/relationship/sam-20-yr-when-17-parents-talked-alliance-said-don/5181895

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna |1155 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 26, 2024

Question by Trade - Aug 16, 2024Hindi

I have been married from last 20 years. It's arrange marriage and before marriage told me let she had an affair with a har college friend dena hai asked that if any relation physical relation has been done she said no I trusted her and married her but after 4 years of marriage I am notice that she didn't paid any attention or don't love me I always thought that there are some mistakes from my side that's why she behave like this . From last 16 years I was suffering from the situation. Recently I come to know when I saw her mobile accidentally and I come to know that she has the same affair from last 16 years with the same guy when I ask about this she told me that it was by mistake I am sorry I won't do this again after some pressureise she also told me that she did a physical relation with him before marriage and after marriage too. I was shocked cause physically I am fit and capable to satisfy her with all the way still she cheated me. Now she confess me all the things and told me promise me that she won't do any mistake henceforth. But no problem is whenever I am trying to get physical or emotional with her some thoughts in my mind game that she did all the things with another guy and cheating me so I can't make any relation ship with her. How can I trust her again we have to kids 10 year each. Please tell me what to do I am frustrated

Ans: Dear Trade,
You need to decide if you wish to trust her or not. It is difficult obviously with what you have discovered. But if you have chosen to carry on within the marriage, the only way that the mind can be managed is to accept what has happened and work with how things are today.
Give your marriage another chance and only then you can work your work through otherwise you will spend time only thinking about her cheating and what she did with the other person which anyone is not working well for you.
So, are you ready to forgive and move on OR hold onto the past? No decision is right or wrong; it's just what you want and then when you make that decision, make everything else work in favor of that decision.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna |1155 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 26, 2024

Question by Ravi - Aug 21, 2024Hindi

hi Anu Mam, Mai Ravi Delhi se, meri saadi 2023 feb hui thi meri wife ka afire uske sage chote fufa ke sath chal rha tha saadi se phale se, Saadi ke 3-4 months baad ek baar maine use room band kr ke insta video call pr baat karte hue pakda muze saak hua and to maine uske insta apne mobile mai chal liya ye baat usko ni pta thi par use sak ho gya muze pr to apne fufa ko chupke se facebook masanger pr bta rahi thi ki mere husband mere insta or chala rhe h msg mt krna and us pr call par baat kri maine sab dekh liya kya baat hui ghar aa kr phale gusse mai tha but baad mai use pyar se samjya to usne muze bas yahi bola ki meri inse baat Jan 2023 se ho rahi h bas baat krna acha lagta hai attraction ho gya hai maine use samjya ki age se baat mat krna, uske kuch months baad us ne aye din Suicide krna police ki dhamki dena, chat se kunda start kr diya uske family ko bulya family bale kai baar aa kr samja kr chakle jaate ye every week hona start ho gya ladai hona , abhi June- July 2024 ko uske exam the bo dene gai and muze khai se pta chala ki bo exam dene ke sath apne fufa se bhi baat krne lagi hai and us se mili bhi hai maine prof dudna start kiya and use pucha ki tu mili hai ki nhi apne fufa se usne muze bola han achank mil gai thi but maine baat ni ki iska fufa Rampur mai ratha hai or ye Ghaziabad mai center tha to ye achanak se milna ni ho sakta maine pucha to bo usi baat pr rahi uske baad maine pucha kis ke phone se tu apne fufa se baat karti h to mana krne lagi mai nhi krti baat sabki kasam kha li usne, maine jab search kiya to muze pta chala bo mere samane bali padosi ki ladki se phone le kr baar krti thi bo use phone de deti thi use nhi pta kha baat krti thi ye maine uske ladki ki call history nikli to pta chal kai baar isne baat ki hai apne fufa se jis din iska exam tha uske baad us din bhi ye mile ab mai kya kru aap batao alag ho jaau ya kya kru aap batato

Ans: Dear Ravi,
Ab jinko shaadi mein rehna hi nahin hai aur fufa se dil lagaa baithi hain, isme aap kya kar sakte hain. Aapne har tareeka apnaaya hai use waapas le aane ke liye. Bas ek koshish aur kar lijiye faislaa lene se pehle...Ek baar sirf aap aur aapki patni kahin ghoom aaiye aur yahi baat uthaiye par binaa koi naarazgi se...yeh pataa lagaaiye ki kya woh shaadi mein bandhnaa chahti hain ya nahin. Agar unka dil hi nahin, toh kya kar sakte hain aap...phir aise hi shaadi mein aap unka phone chedck karte rahenge aur proof dhoondhte rahenge...Isiliye is baat ka khulaasa kam aur samaadhaan par zyaada dhyaan dijiye taaki aap ek faislaa kar sake.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna |1155 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 20, 2024Hindi

meri umar 42 sal ki hai mau bhut depression me hoon . Depression se niklne ka upaye batyen.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Depression hua hai kya doctor ne bataaya hai aapko? Ya yeh aapka khud ka maanna hai?
Agar doctor ne kahaa hai toh unhone aapko kuch upaai bhi bataaya hoga...Doctor se jaanch karwaa lijiye...Yahi sahi hoga...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna |1155 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 22, 2024Hindi

Hi I have a friend who is married and they are in mid 30's and the main problem is regarding baby my friend have seen other women in past and level of physical satisfaction he had is his past relationships he seeks the same physical satisfaction with his wife too (things like oral sex etc.) But his wife is reluctant for that type of sex and because of that their sex life has taken toll and they hardly have any physical relation between them.......please suggest how can they cope up with situation because to have baby physical intimacy is required.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Oh, now your friend is indulging in the game of comparing who gave him better sex? Wow! And what if his wife does the same and then concludes that she is not satisfied with what your friend does for her in bed? Is he going to learn all the new tricks to perform for her in bed so that she is satisfied?
This kind of comparison and expectation is what is killing their intimate moments. Your friend certainly cannot compare his past experiences with his current one and each partner have a different level of comfort with what they want in bed and what they want to do in bed.
Not every person likes to explore and experiment with different shades of sex. And even is your friend wants his wife to explore it, it's not by insistence or force but by making her comfortable with the idea and slowly introducing newer shades. If she still is not okay, kindly tell your friend to drop his plan as it will only upset their married life.
Marriage isn't about searching outside for what you don't have BUT learning to together as a couple grow that within the marriage and also respect if that is not either of the partners want.
As for having the baby, no special tricks or out of the ordinary sexual act is necessary...it's a natural and beautiful process that is not hampered by stress or unnecessary expectations.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna |1155 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 17, 2024Hindi

Hi Anu. This might take up quite a bit of your time. I am currently stuck. Single child, lost father to a road accident at the age of 15; within a year, realised my mom's has got in to a physical relation with an already married person, all our 'relatives' trash talked about her. I was too young to understand her crisis of losing her husband at 40 and was struggling to accept her new torrid affair. Somehow, the man ditched her & mom left her temporary job (she took up after dad expired) & fell into a depression. We had landed up in extreme financial distress, so much so, that I had to quit Uni to take up job. Am working for the last 23 years, providing for her. My problem is now, am 45 & married with a teen kid, in-laws, job, health issues but my mom (now 71) is perennially complaining about her struggles in life.... what she never got - be it financial stability (as she has no savings, no pension & solely relies on my income), health, societal recognition (dont know for what). She is unhappy with her flat, neighbors, maid/ cook, relatives including my husband!! She doesn't even appreciate gifts which we give on various occasions, she back-bites about everyone known, completely phobic about her health! had sought counselling for her thrice, but to no avail. During Covid, she stayed with us for nearly a year - each minute she had a new complain. I get so stressed even talking to her over the phone or during my fortnightly visits. I know she is my responsibility, but dont feel the daughterly affection towards her...been so since the last 30 years almost. I still am not over the trauma i had during the high school days (i.e. when she was having her affair). I have never ever mentally felt connected to her since then. But I don't know how to let go the past, handle her & keep my sanity. Please suggest. Please dont publish my name.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Well, holding onto the past never anyone, did it? The more you play the 'wicked' past events back, it will attempt to even more real...So, try your hand at using that time to focus on the good stuff that you have now...
Your mother sadly has been using you as her caregiver rather than it being the other way round at least when you were younger. She chooses to play the victim card and continues to do so...so, the only way this can change is when she knows that you are not going to pay attention to her ask of attention in an unhealthy way.
Tune her into having conversations with you where she talks and not complains...Long task for you, but worth a try!
Also, start focusing on yourself...take a vacation; you have earned it!!!!!
Duty towards anyone need not become a drainer on care and attention towards yourself. So, when you start to do things for yourself, the past will lose its charm over you and yes, things start to change...try it, no harm, yeah?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna |1155 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 16, 2024Hindi

I am 39yr old. Married for 13years. My wife is brilliant and beautiful. Loves me madly. But the problem is, I still can't forget my first love happened during my college days way before 18yrs. I like my wife but to be honest, I don't love her. I always feel, she deserves a better person than me. Feel guilty not loving her. But how hard I try, I don't get that emotional bonding and passion. Kindly guide me, what should I do

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What's the point pining for someone who isn't in your life and then missing out on the love from who is in your life?
Start at being great friends and share the love and affection that two friends do between one another...guilt is a feeling that keeps you occupied without doing nothing but stressing you out. Rather than feel guilty and bad over what's happening, why not think of what can happen different for you to feel affection for your wife?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna |1155 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 12, 2024Hindi

Hi , I am 23 year old male. I met a girl online , we talked attached and went into relationship. I met her thrice . I broke up with her because I am not sure whether she is right fit for me or not like our vibe matches , I enjoys her company but when I think about other things like will she be able to adjust with my family (my family is kinda orthodox) and she is from wealthy family. I am the sole earner in my family and not financially well in life right now. I am worried about future whether I can make it to marriage or not . I am not sure whether I have taken right decision of breakup or not. I broke up with her on February but I still misses her and she called me again after 6 months and telling me to come again . what to do , please anybody who can advise me . I will be so grateful to you

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
All these things should have been thought of before you broke up with her. Why now? This should have been discussed with her at that time...nothing has changed and she is still the same. So is the financial situation and the family situations...

So, what has to change is your mindset on all of this and you both need to be willing to work around all these challenges. If not, the relationship that you are going to pursue is going to be a stressful one...
If the two of you are serious on it, please sit down and talk about all the differences between both families, the differences between the two of you, what you agree and disagree on and how you are going to resolve all of this...Build your future and NOT worry about it...Have this honest chat and see where it all leads to!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna |1155 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 08, 2024Hindi

Hi Anu, I am a 49 year old male, married for 16 years with 2 kids, my son is in 10th standard and daughter in 7th std, I have problem with my wife who cheated me financially, she is a housewife but somehow through her parents/cousins made me take loan and give it to her indirectly to an extent of almost 25-30 lakhs, when i found out initially about this i fought with her, but she cooked up some story and convinced me that she did it because she had to and not to cheat me, we had a compromise because of kids, she did it again and she kept doing it again, i have totally lost my trust in her and no intension of living with her but just thinking about kids i have to go with it, feels very bad when a person staying with you under the same roof cheats and breaks your trust, how should i handle it now? should i just stay as usual and pretend that thinks are normal for the sake of kids or should i call off my marriage?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your wife needs to take responsibility for the fact of breaking trust within the marriage. If she continues what she is doing, it is only going to cause a further break in the marriage.
So, perhaps you need to tell her exactly how cheated you feel and that you are unhappy and disappointed in what she has been doing and continues to do so...
It seems like some sort of a compulsion to hide facts about money. Do let her know that you are unhappy to the point of moving out of the marriage; perhaps then she might know that you are serious about the way that you feel. If this still doesn't change things, you know what your limits are and how much you can take.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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