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My Cousin Loves Me, But His Mom Says No: What Should I Do?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 23, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 28, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello ma'am / Sir I love my father's sister son ( my first cousin) & want to marry him but his mom is saying no so he also agreed with him mom Whereas my parents agreed for getting married to him He stopped texting calling me all of the sudden I know he's family didnt accept but still i cant forget him a little hope is still there dont why What can i do please help me

Ans: it's important to acknowledge your feelings. It's perfectly normal to feel confused, hurt, and hopeful all at the same time. Love can be a powerful and overwhelming emotion, especially when family approval is involved.

Given that your cousin has decided to side with his mother, it's essential to respect his decision, even though it's painful. He may be under significant pressure from his family, and this is influencing his actions. While this is difficult to accept, respecting his choice is a step toward healing and moving forward.

Communication is also key. If possible, try to have an open and honest conversation with him. Express your feelings and let him know how much you care about him. Sometimes, understanding the emotional depth of a situation can influence decisions. However, be prepared for any outcome, including the possibility that he may still choose to follow his mother's wishes.

Reflect on your own well-being. Focus on what is best for you in the long run. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family members who understand and care about your feelings. Engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment can help you cope with this challenging period.

Remember, you deserve to be with someone who is fully committed to you and your relationship. If he is unable or unwilling to stand by you due to family pressures, it may be a sign that this relationship is not right for you in the long term, despite your strong feelings.

Give yourself time to heal and consider seeking professional support, such as counseling or therapy, to help you navigate through your emotions and decisions. This can provide you with tools to cope with your feelings and help you find a path forward that is best for your emotional and mental well-being.

Ultimately, trust that time and self-care will guide you through this difficult period. You are deserving of love and happiness, and by prioritizing yourself, you will eventually find clarity and peace in your journey.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 17, 2024

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Hi mam I loved a man who i thought a good guy for 5 yrs later i came to know he is cheating me only for physical not to marry where he told we wil have future together but i made problem and asked him to marry me but his family and he influenced with his moms decision What shal I do i don't know what to do i thought he is my life now his mom plan him to marry someone else.. What should i do
Ans: Hello Lavanya
It's important to take care of yourself and focus on what you need and deserve in a relationship.

Firstly, give yourself some time to process what has happened. It's okay to feel hurt, angry, and betrayed. These emotions are natural when someone you trusted has let you down. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship and the future you envisioned.

Talking to a trusted friend or a therapist can be incredibly helpful during this time. They can offer support and a listening ear as you work through your feelings and decide your next steps.

It's crucial to recognize your own worth and what you deserve in a relationship. You deserve someone who respects, loves, and is committed to you wholeheartedly. If this man has shown that he isn't capable of that, then it might be best to let him go, even though it's difficult.

Moving forward, focus on your own well-being and happiness. Engage in activities that make you feel good and help you regain your sense of self. Surround yourself with people who support and care for you.

In time, you'll find clarity and strength. Remember, this experience doesn't define you or your future. You deserve a loving and honest relationship, and by prioritizing yourself now, you'll be in a better position to find it in the future.

..Read more

Anu

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Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I love a person, was in relationship with him for 4 years but decided to part ways because of the family but now after 4 years of breakup, I still love him it hurts because he is perfect for me. Reasons my family and his family are not ready to get us married 1. My family is well off financially and he is middle class. 2 We both are of different caste. 3 our living standards are somewhat different. 4 we are a very liberal and modern family but his family is traditional and conservative 5. He has started earning but it's not enough for my dad. 6 he is 10 months younger than me. I am suffering right now and I do not know what should I do I am just lost If we were not destined to be together then why did god let us meet in the first place Its killing me inside and I can not even talk to any body
Ans: I want to acknowledge that what you're feeling—this mix of love, pain, and frustration—is deeply valid. Love doesn't follow logic, and it doesn't just disappear because of practical obstacles. Your question, "If we weren't meant to be together, why did we meet?" speaks to the depth of your emotions and the spiritual confusion you're experiencing. Sometimes, life brings people together to teach us something, or to show us what true love feels like, even if the path ahead is challenging.

The real struggle you're facing is about what you want moving forward. If you still believe that he’s the right person for you, it may be worth having an honest conversation with him about whether he feels the same way. Together, you could explore whether it’s possible to work through these obstacles. You could also talk to your family again, sharing your feelings more openly about why this relationship matters so much to you, and perhaps even addressing some of their concerns directly.

But if you feel like the barriers are insurmountable, and that your families will never accept the relationship, it's also okay to grieve that loss and give yourself permission to move forward. Either way, this decision is deeply personal, and you should honor your feelings.

You deserve love, happiness, and the freedom to make decisions that feel right for your heart. Don’t be afraid to seek support, whether from a close friend, a therapist, or someone you trust, because keeping all of this inside will only intensify your pain.

..Read more

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Hello Sir, I am now 45+ now and investing through sip since last 5 yrs in 1) 3k in sbi small cap, 2) 4k in axis small cap, 3) 3k in nippon small cap, 4) 4k in mirea asset emerging bluechip, 5) 6k in hdfc mid cap, 6) 4k in kotak flexi cap, 7) 6k in parag parikh flexi cap, 8) 4k in icici pru value discovery. Risk high and tenure 15-20 yrs for asset allocation. Sir is it necessary to change any fund?
Ans: you have built a diverse SIP portfolio with various equity funds. Your disciplined investment over the last five years shows commitment to wealth building. With a high-risk tolerance and a long-term goal of 15-20 years, let’s take an in-depth look at your fund choices. I’ll provide insights to help you optimise this portfolio further.

Strengths of Your Current Portfolio
Good Diversification: Your portfolio includes funds from small-cap, mid-cap, flexi-cap, and value categories. This spread across segments is a strong approach to capture growth across the market.

Discipline in SIPs: Regular SIP contributions show a systematic approach that will help in rupee-cost averaging. It’s a proven method for long-term investors like you.

High-Risk Appetite: You are investing with a long horizon and high risk tolerance. This aligns well with your fund choices, especially in high-risk categories like small-cap and mid-cap.

Reviewing Small-Cap Fund Exposure
Current Allocation: Your portfolio allocates Rs 10,000 per month to small-cap funds. These funds often offer high growth potential but also come with significant volatility.

Growth Potential: Small-cap funds are beneficial in long-term portfolios due to their high potential for growth. Over 15-20 years, they can contribute significantly to wealth creation.

Suggested Changes: With three small-cap funds, there may be a lot of overlap. You might consider consolidating into one or two well-performing small-cap funds. This will simplify tracking and reduce redundancy.

Examining Mid-Cap and Flexi-Cap Fund Allocation
Mid-Cap Fund Benefits: Mid-cap funds bring a blend of growth and moderate stability. Your allocation here balances the aggressive small-cap investments.

Flexi-Cap Fund Role: Flexi-cap funds invest across large-, mid-, and small-cap stocks. This flexibility allows these funds to adjust according to market conditions, adding a layer of adaptability to your portfolio.

Suggested Changes: Your portfolio has multiple flexi-cap funds, which can lead to overlapping investments. It may be beneficial to reduce your holdings to one high-performing flexi-cap fund for better portfolio efficiency.

Value-Oriented Fund’s Contribution
Role in Stability: The value fund in your portfolio targets undervalued stocks, which tend to be more resilient in market downturns. This can provide balance and act as a buffer against volatility.

Long-Term Benefits: A value-oriented fund adds stability, which is essential as your portfolio matures. The approach of investing in undervalued companies often pays off well over time.

Suggested Changes: Keep this fund as it provides a different investment strategy, enhancing overall diversification.

Importance of Actively Managed Funds Over Index Funds
Higher Potential Returns: Actively managed funds can outperform index funds by selecting high-potential stocks and avoiding weaker sectors.

Limitations of Index Funds: Index funds track the market and have limited potential for excess returns. They cannot adjust to economic shifts like active funds can.

Benefit of Advisor Guidance: Regular funds managed with the help of a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) add value. A CFP can guide you on fund selection and rebalancing, which index funds do not offer.

Advantages of Investing Through a Certified Financial Planner
Personalized Advice: A CFP can help you fine-tune your portfolio to better match your goals, risk profile, and timeline. Direct funds lack this support, making regular funds a better choice for most investors.

Portfolio Monitoring: Regular funds with CFP assistance offer ongoing review and monitoring. This is important for a long-term investment strategy.

Support for Future Adjustments: Market conditions and personal goals evolve over time. Having a CFP ensures you have guidance to adjust your investments accordingly.

Tax Implications on Your Equity Mutual Funds
Equity Mutual Fund Taxation: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

Tax-Efficient Withdrawals: Consider planning your withdrawals in a tax-efficient way. For a long-term horizon, tax efficiency will contribute significantly to your net returns.

Impact of New Tax Rules: Understanding tax implications can help you plan more efficiently for your post-retirement withdrawals, minimising tax impact on your returns.

Recommendations for Portfolio Optimization
Reduce Fund Overlap: Your portfolio has multiple funds in similar categories. Streamlining these will make the portfolio easier to manage and reduce redundancies.

Consider Asset Rebalancing: Review your portfolio’s asset allocation every two to three years. As you near retirement, adding some low-risk debt or balanced funds could provide stability without sacrificing growth.

Explore the Benefits of Balanced Funds: Over time, a small allocation to balanced funds could help mitigate volatility as you approach retirement age. These funds offer a mix of debt and equity, which balances risk and growth.

Final Insights
Your disciplined approach to SIPs and fund selection shows a strong foundation for future growth. Simplifying your fund categories and reducing overlap can improve efficiency and returns. Working closely with a CFP will ensure that your portfolio remains aligned with your goals over time, providing you with the guidance needed for adjustments as markets evolve.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6993 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

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Sir please review my mutual fund sip portfolio * Axis Mid Cap Fund - Direct Growth = 1000 * ICICI Prudential BHARAT 22 FOF - Direct Plan = 1000 * Mirae Asset Emerging Bluechip Fund - Direct Plan = 1000 * Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund - Direct Plan = 1000 * quant Small Cap Fund - Direct Plan Growth = 1000 * SBI Small Cap Fund Direct Growth = 2000 * SBI PSU direct plan growth = 1000 My age is 27 . Looking a long term investment with higher return. Shall I continue this portfolio or any changes required? Kindly give your valuable suggestions . Thank you
Ans: Your portfolio looks well-constructed, with a strong foundation in mid-cap, small-cap, and flexi-cap funds. Each fund you've chosen reflects a strategic approach for growth. Let's evaluate each category and make any necessary suggestions to ensure you achieve the best potential returns over the long term.

Overview of Your Current Portfolio
You’ve diversified well across categories, with each fund serving a unique role. Let’s analyze the strengths and potential improvements in each area of your portfolio.

Mid-Cap Funds
Mid-cap funds, like the one in your portfolio, focus on companies with substantial growth potential but higher risk compared to large-cap companies. Over the long term, these funds often outperform due to their growth-focused nature.

However, consider monitoring this fund periodically. Mid-cap stocks can face higher volatility, which may impact returns if held solely without re-evaluation.

Small-Cap Funds
Small-cap funds are growth-oriented, targeting smaller companies with significant room for expansion. You’ve allocated well to this category, focusing on funds with robust track records.

Due to their volatile nature, however, they can experience sharp swings. A Certified Financial Planner can offer guidance to rebalance if necessary, which could enhance returns and help you avoid undue risk over the long term.

Flexi-Cap Funds
Flexi-cap funds have the flexibility to invest across large, mid, and small-cap companies, making them versatile. This allocation ensures that you have exposure to high-growth stocks while benefiting from the stability of large-cap stocks.

This type of fund aligns well with your long-term goal as it can balance risk across market cycles. Continue with this allocation for stable yet high-growth potential.

Sectoral Funds (Public Sector & PSU Funds)
Sectoral funds focused on PSUs add a thematic angle to your portfolio, providing exposure to government-linked companies. Such funds may perform well during economic growth phases or government-led initiatives but might also experience phases of underperformance.

For long-term investors like you, relying heavily on sectoral funds can add cyclical risk. A diversified equity fund may offer higher long-term growth with less risk than sector-specific investments.

Evaluation of Direct Fund Plans
Sir, investing through direct plans saves on expense ratios, which may seem beneficial at first. However, there are significant drawbacks:

Lack of Advisory Support: Direct plans don't offer professional guidance. Over time, tracking and rebalancing become crucial, and a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) with an MFD (Mutual Fund Distributor) credential ensures optimal management.

Market Cycles and Rebalancing: Without expert oversight, you could miss critical adjustments during volatile market phases, affecting returns. A CFP helps in such rebalancing for better performance.

Tax Implications and Withdrawals: Selling or withdrawing from mutual funds, especially equity funds, incurs tax. Long-term capital gains (LTCG) on equity mutual funds are taxed at 12.5% for gains above Rs 1.25 lakh, while short-term gains (STCG) incur 20%. A regular plan with an MFD provides ongoing tax-efficient strategies.

Opting for regular plans via an MFD with a CFP credential will enable you to maximize returns while accessing insights that make a difference long term.

Suggested Modifications for Higher Returns and Stability
Focus on Balanced Funds Over Sectoral Exposure

To limit risks tied to sectoral funds, consider allocating a portion to balanced or diversified funds. These funds balance equity with stable instruments like debt, reducing volatility and sustaining growth.

Revisit Small and Mid-Cap Allocations

With multiple small-cap and mid-cap funds, consider focusing on one fund in each category. Over-diversification in these can dilute returns and increase tracking requirements. A strategic reallocation could yield more focused, consistent growth.

Consider SIP Step-Up for Long-Term Compounding

An annual SIP step-up, even a small amount, could enhance long-term wealth creation significantly. This adjustment boosts your corpus over time and aligns with your long-term goal of maximizing returns.

Seek Guidance from a Certified Financial Planner

Having a CFP manage your portfolio brings personalized insight into market trends, rebalancing, and tax-efficient strategies. A CFP ensures you capitalize on growth while maintaining balance and tax efficiency.

Key Benefits of Actively Managed Funds Over Index Funds
Sir, I noticed you are not invested in index funds, which is beneficial for your growth objective. Actively managed funds outperform index funds, especially in dynamic market conditions. Here’s why:

Higher Returns Potential: Actively managed funds provide the flexibility to capitalize on changing market opportunities, which index funds lack due to their passive structure.

Adaptive Strategy: Fund managers of actively managed funds adjust to market shifts, providing growth and safety in a fluctuating market.

Downside Protection: During bear markets, actively managed funds can adjust exposure, while index funds simply follow the market downturn. Active management can minimize losses, giving a steadier performance over time.

Final Insights
Sir, you have built a promising portfolio with well-selected funds across categories. A few modifications could ensure a more balanced, growth-oriented, and tax-efficient portfolio. The following adjustments will help you achieve higher returns with sustained stability:

Consider balanced or diversified funds for steadier growth.

Limit mid-cap and small-cap fund overlaps to reduce portfolio complexity.

Use the expertise of a CFP to handle rebalancing, tax efficiency, and market cycle adaptations.

Continue focusing on actively managed funds over index funds, as these provide better long-term value.

Through these steps, you can optimize your portfolio for maximum growth and stability, setting a strong foundation for your long-term investment goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1287 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 07, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu Mam Im 27 yrs old ( married) and 10 yrs old daughter. Im seperated from my husband since 2 yrs due to several reasons like he is drinking and Totally addicted to it. And he is totally dependent and now today also roaming on the roads of some streets of hyd. I belongs to an orthdox family. Now the question is one backward caste man who is married age : 33 he is interested in me and proposed me to a marriage after knowing all my past and saying that he accepts my child too. And the thing is he said a lie to me at first that he is unmarried and even though i had a good impression on him about the way he behaves with me he even treat me in a very polite manner. He says he loves me even though i too had a good impression but the things are the castes and can we both settle down with a marriage can we be happy or he is only trying to convince me to get him a wife to care care of him or only for his parents, he always talks about his own sister and also the office colleagues calls them sister and get emotional about them those who left the office. And he cries a lot which i dont trust on him and the face i see him that was not an real cry that looks like an act which i dont like in him. May he is acting ? Or really loving me, ge cares alot i feel like he is over reacting
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If you are in doubt, then it's highly likely that he is putting on an act. Go with your intuition and hey hey, you said that he is married and so are you...You do realize that you just can't go ahead and marry while you are already to other people, right?
Focus on what's happening in your life; you obviously have to do something about it...Other relationships can wait!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

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