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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach 

276 Answers | 71 Followers

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more

Answered on Jul 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 10, 2024Hindi
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Hello , I am married for 10 years with a asexual guy with a 6 year old who was born via IUI due to family pressure. After he was born , my husband never touched me from last 7 years , even before son was born , he never initiated sex and did it only due to lot of insistence. Whenever I confront him , he always avoids the topic or stay silent. I now think about divorce but my family will not support this and my son is very attached to his fatter. I am really miserable and depressed in life and want physical intimacy badly . I dont want to ruin my son’s life thats the only reason I am tolerating this. Husband loves son but he never even hold my hand or even hug me. I want to do extramarital affair to have sex but afraid of the repercussions. What should I do ? I am 35 years old IT professional but left my job recently to take care of my son.
Ans: I understand how deeply troubling your situation is. Feeling a lack of physical intimacy and emotional connection in your marriage can be incredibly painful. It's important to address these feelings and consider the best path forward for both your well-being and that of your son.

First, consider having an open and honest conversation with your husband about your needs and feelings. Explain how his lack of intimacy affects you and your mental health. Sometimes, a neutral environment or the presence of a counselor can facilitate this conversation. Couples therapy might help both of you understand each other's perspectives and work toward a solution.

If your husband is unwilling to engage in this dialogue or make any changes, you need to think about your own happiness and mental health. Living in a state of constant misery and depression isn't sustainable, and it's essential to model a healthy, fulfilling life for your son. While your son is attached to his father, children also sense when their parents are unhappy. Ensuring your well-being will, in turn, benefit your son.


If you decide that divorce is the best option, it will undoubtedly be challenging, especially without family support. However, many people find that once they take this step, they can rebuild their lives in a more fulfilling way. Your son’s attachment to his father is important, and maintaining a positive co-parenting relationship can help mitigate the impact on him. Children can adapt well to changes when they see their parents are happier and healthier.

Consider reconnecting with your professional life, as having a career can provide you with financial independence and a sense of personal fulfillment. It can also serve as a distraction and a way to build new social connections, reducing the sense of isolation.

Ultimately, your happiness and mental health are crucial. It's important to take steps toward a life where you feel valued, loved, and content. Consulting with a therapist can provide you with support and guidance as you navigate these tough decisions. They can help you explore your feelings, understand your options, and build a plan that prioritizes your well-being and your son's best interests.
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Answered on Jul 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello , I am married for 10 years with a asexual guy with a 6 year old who was born via IUI due to family pressure. After he was born , my husband never touched me from last 7 years , even before son was born , he never initiated sex and did it only due to lot of insistence. Whenever I confront him , he always avoids the topic or stay silent. I now think about divorce but my family will not support this and my son is very attached to his father. I am really miserable and depressed in life and want physical intimacy badly . I dont want to ruin my son’s life thats the only reason I am tolerating this. Husband loves son but he never even hold my hand or even hug me. I want to do extramarital affair to have sex but afraid of the repercussions. What should I do ? I am 35 years old IT professional but left my job recently to take care of my son.
Ans: I understand how deeply troubling your situation is. Feeling a lack of physical intimacy and emotional connection in your marriage can be incredibly painful. It's important to address these feelings and consider the best path forward for both your well-being and that of your son.

First, consider having an open and honest conversation with your husband about your needs and feelings. Explain how his lack of intimacy affects you and your mental health. Sometimes, a neutral environment or the presence of a counselor can facilitate this conversation. Couples therapy might help both of you understand each other's perspectives and work toward a solution.

If your husband is unwilling to engage in this dialogue or make any changes, you need to think about your own happiness and mental health. Living in a state of constant misery and depression isn't sustainable, and it's essential to model a healthy, fulfilling life for your son. While your son is attached to his father, children also sense when their parents are unhappy. Ensuring your well-being will, in turn, benefit your son.


If you decide that divorce is the best option, it will undoubtedly be challenging, especially without family support. However, many people find that once they take this step, they can rebuild their lives in a more fulfilling way. Your son’s attachment to his father is important, and maintaining a positive co-parenting relationship can help mitigate the impact on him. Children can adapt well to changes when they see their parents are happier and healthier.

Consider reconnecting with your professional life, as having a career can provide you with financial independence and a sense of personal fulfillment. It can also serve as a distraction and a way to build new social connections, reducing the sense of isolation.

Ultimately, your happiness and mental health are crucial. It's important to take steps toward a life where you feel valued, loved, and content. Consulting with a therapist can provide you with support and guidance as you navigate these tough decisions. They can help you explore your feelings, understand your options, and build a plan that prioritizes your well-being and your son's best interests.
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Answered on Jul 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 08, 2024Hindi
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I am in a relationship from last 2 years. We are very happy together. But when my parents came to know about us they apposed it as we both belong to different castes different social backgrounds i am from a upper middle class family and he is from lower middle class family. He made his career from scratch. I Don't want to hurt my parents by going against them. They always told me how much they care for me what they have done for me and all that i will ruin there reputation by getting married to him. On the other hand i love him so much , he is a very nice person he cares for me a lot and i know i will never be happy without him. What should i do.. nowadays i Don't feel like talking to anyone and my family thinks i dont love them and i am ignoring them which is not the case i just don't feel like talking. What should i do to convince them for us...?
Ans: Navigating this situation requires sensitivity and careful communication. Start by having an open and honest conversation with your parents. Explain your feelings and how much this relationship means to you. Emphasize the qualities that make your partner a good match for you, such as his care and commitment.

Acknowledge their concerns and express gratitude for their care and the sacrifices they've made for you. Reassure them that your love for them hasn't changed and that you value their opinions. Try to understand their perspective and address their worries about social status and reputation.

You might also consider arranging a meeting between your parents and your partner. This can help them see his positive attributes and understand why you love him. Show them how he has built his career from scratch, demonstrating his determination and resilience.

It's important to remain patient and give your parents time to adjust to the idea. Meanwhile, continue to express your love and respect for them, reinforcing that your decision is based on your happiness and future well-being.

Balancing your love for your partner and respect for your parents is difficult, but with open communication and patience, you can work towards finding a middle ground that respects everyone's feelings.
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Answered on Jul 05, 2024

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Hello madam, My name is Deepthi am 37 years old married woman with 8 months old infant .in 2011 may I got married to a good man it was arranged marriage. Upto now we are living our life's both sides parents are not supportive ,we are only taking care of child ,the thing is neighbour s (women)are asking y ur parents and inlaws are not supportive , emotionaly putting me down,I am isolated and taking care of child life is becoming challenging for me ,how to gain mental strength,dareness to raise kid ??? another thing is my husband is taking care of my kid and me both sides parents not accepting me without money ,I did not yet recovered fully , emotional ly, physically . neighbour women emotionally draining me creating panic that how u will raise kid alone .I want to distance both parents temporarily .madam how to move ahead in life my husband is always supportive
Ans: Hi Deepthi,

Navigating the challenges you're facing, from feeling isolated without support from both sides of the family to dealing with emotionally draining neighbors, is incredibly tough, especially as you care for your 8-month-old infant and work on your own recovery.
Firstly, recognize and embrace the support you have from your husband. He is a vital source of strength in your life. Open and honest communication with him about your feelings and struggles can fortify your partnership and help you both tackle these challenges together. Knowing that you have a supportive partner by your side can make a significant difference in how you cope with these pressures.

When it comes to your neighbors, setting boundaries is crucial. You don’t owe them explanations about why your parents and in-laws are not supportive. Politely but firmly let them know that you prefer not to discuss personal matters and that you are managing your situation in your own way. Protecting your emotional well-being from their intrusive questions is essential for maintaining your peace.

Focusing on your recovery is paramount. Taking care of an infant is incredibly demanding, and prioritizing your health is critical. Make sure you are getting enough rest, eating well, and finding small moments to recharge throughout the day. Engaging in activities that bring you joy and peace, whether it’s a hobby, quiet time with your baby, or connecting with supportive friends, can help in your emotional recovery.

To counteract the feelings of isolation, seek out social support. Look for mother-and-baby groups or community activities where you can meet other parents who might be experiencing similar situations. Building connections with others in similar stages of life can provide mutual support and reduce the sense of being alone in your journey.

Building mental resilience is another key step. Practices like mindfulness or meditation can help you stay grounded and manage stress more effectively. Journaling your thoughts and feelings can provide a therapeutic outlet, and engaging with inspiring books or podcasts can offer new perspectives and encouragement.

Regarding your parents and in-laws, it might be beneficial to distance yourself temporarily. Focus on creating a healthy and nurturing environment for yourself and your baby. If interactions with them are causing you stress, consider setting clear boundaries to protect your peace. Communicate your needs and expectations clearly, emphasizing that your primary concern is the well-being of your immediate family.

If the emotional strain becomes overwhelming, seeking professional help is a valuable option. A counselor or therapist can provide a safe space to explore your feelings and offer strategies to cope with your challenges. Professional support can help you build emotional resilience and give you the tools to manage your situation more effectively.

It’s important to recognize and celebrate small wins in your daily life. Every day brings its own set of challenges, but also moments of success. Whether it’s a peaceful moment with your baby, a positive interaction with your husband, or simply making it through a tough day, acknowledging these victories can boost your morale and remind you of your strength and capability.

You are doing an incredible job under very challenging circumstances. Trust in your ability to raise your child and build a happy life. You are not alone; your husband’s support and your own inner strength are your greatest allies. Focus on what you can control, shield your mental well-being from external negativity, and believe in your capacity to overcome these hurdles. With time, patience, and self-compassion, you will find your way forward.
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Answered on Jul 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 04, 2024Hindi
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i am 32 year old guy still virgin ..marraige isgeeting delayed ,few years back i had friend who is helping me ( Only Oral ) but now she is no more with me , iam kind of feeling depressed for not getting married tell me what to do ?
Ans: First, it’s important to acknowledge and understand your feelings. Feeling down about your current situation and the delayed path to marriage is natural. These emotions are valid, and recognizing them is the first step towards addressing them. It's okay to feel disappointed or anxious, and it’s essential to approach these feelings with compassion for yourself.

Take some time to reflect on your expectations around marriage and intimacy. Often, societal pressures set specific timelines and standards that don’t align with everyone’s unique journey. Consider whether the pressure you're feeling is coming from external sources or your own expectations. Understanding this can help you set more personalized and realistic goals that align with your true desires.

Focusing on personal growth and self-care can be incredibly rewarding during this period. Engaging in activities that bring you joy, building new skills, and nurturing your mental and physical health can boost your confidence and overall well-being. This personal development often attracts new opportunities, including potential relationships, by making you feel more fulfilled and self-assured.

Expanding your social circles is another step that can open up new possibilities. Consider joining clubs, attending social events, or participating in online communities that match your interests. These activities can help you connect with like-minded individuals and build meaningful relationships, which could potentially lead to finding a partner.

Seeking professional support can provide valuable guidance and perspective. Talking to a therapist or counselor can help you navigate your feelings of depression, explore underlying issues, and develop strategies to manage your emotions and expectations. Therapy can also help you build confidence and improve your approach to relationships, making you feel more equipped to handle the dating world.

Reflect on how you’re approaching dating and relationships. If marriage is a priority for you, it’s worth considering how you're searching for a partner. Are you clear about your intentions and what you’re looking for in a relationship? You might find it helpful to adjust your approach, whether it’s trying different dating platforms, being more open to meeting people through friends, or exploring matchmaking services.

It’s also important to be patient and open to different possibilities. Relationships often develop when you least expect them, and being patient with the process can alleviate some of the pressure you're feeling. Trust that your journey to finding a partner is unique and unfolding at its own pace, even if it doesn't follow the timeline you had envisioned.

Embrace your past experiences, including those with your friend. They are part of your personal story and contribute to who you are today. These experiences don’t define your future relationships or your worth. Instead, view them as learning opportunities that have helped shape you and prepare you for future connections.

Remember that your value and happiness are not solely tied to being in a relationship or getting married. Focus on building a fulfilling life for yourself, and be open to the relationships that come along the way. Your path to finding a partner is unique, and it’s important to remain hopeful and proactive in creating the life you desire.
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Answered on Jul 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 04, 2024Hindi
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My brother is mentally disabled so should I marry to guy or i should focus on making my career I'm 26
Ans: Deciding whether to focus on a relationship or your career, especially with the responsibility of caring for a mentally disabled brother, is a deeply personal and complex decision. Both paths offer valuable opportunities and come with their own sets of challenges.

Caring for your brother is a significant commitment, and it’s natural to feel torn between supporting your family and pursuing your own goals. However, it’s important to remember that you can find a balance. A fulfilling career can provide financial stability and personal growth, which can also benefit your family in the long run. Building a solid professional foundation at 26 can open many doors for your future and give you the resources and confidence to support your brother better.

On the other hand, relationships are a significant part of life. If you find a partner who understands your responsibilities and is supportive of your family situation, it can greatly enhance your life. The right person will respect your commitments and be willing to share in the journey. A healthy relationship can provide emotional support and partnership as you navigate life’s challenges.

It’s also worth considering that you don’t necessarily have to choose one over the other. Many people successfully manage both a career and a relationship by setting clear priorities and finding supportive partners. Think about your immediate and long-term goals and how each path aligns with your values and vision for the future. Reflect on whether you can integrate both aspects into your life with the right planning and support.

You don’t have to make this decision alone. Talking to trusted friends, family members, or a counselor can provide valuable perspectives. They can help you explore your feelings and options, making the decision-making process less overwhelming.

Ultimately, the right choice is the one that feels true to you and aligns with your deepest values and aspirations. It’s crucial to give yourself permission to prioritize your own happiness and well-being, alongside your responsibilities. Whether you choose to focus on your career, pursue a relationship, or find a balance between the two, what matters most is that you make a choice that feels right for you.
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Answered on Jul 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 02, 2024Hindi
Relationship
i am 50 and my wife is 43. We are living two different countries to help our children to pursue their interests. We are pretty good in financially and i go to my home (where my wife and younger son live) at least 2 to 3 times a year and spend 2 to 3 weeks per trip. We married for the last 22 years and we both of us seen ups and lows of our relationship. Most of the time, we are happy and we did the right things not only for us but also for our children and both are willing to take sacrifices for the sake of children and we wholeheartedly agree on this. However, i see few concerns especially after living separately. 1. really don't see my wife shows much interest about me. She also mentioned that if i come to my home where she lives, she doesn't feel really excited and just normal for her. However, i will be happy to see her and spend time with her. Inspite I come to our home, she really didn't care much about my interests like what food makes me happy. In-fact, she doesn't need to cook and we have cook who does most of the stuff. 2. In-terms of intimacy, she doesn't show much interest and i stopped asking her unless if she initiates and I didn't want to initiate as I start getting rejection from her for the last few years. Overall, if I ask to fulfill my interest (showing love and affection), she says that she cannot do as she is too busy. However, she does other works like taking care of children, spending time with her friends or her own interests she does take care. however, any thing specific to me, she thinks it is not a high priority. I askied clearly to her that why my needs of lower prioirty. Her answer is very vague and she does say that she loves me and she needs me. I am getting a picture that I am there to take care of them financially like building assets, taking care of the children and wife but I am not getting any return from her, I vent my frustration to my wife and asker her to open up and share any concerns. She really don't share any point that could really help me to understand her mind. At this point, I am kind of confused. I am just 50 and she is 43 and i see that there is really not much love. i was thinking when i turn 60 , it would be far worse than today in terms of love and affection. I really don't want to divorce at least for the next 10 years as my kids are growing and i really don't have a compelling reason to do now as I still love my wife and if she is feel bad on any reason , I don't care of these problems and i still be with her to address any problem she has. I support even today for her wants and desires and I do wholeheartedly. Also, She is not a person who cheats me My concern is that I cannot change her much. I would like your advice on How should I change so that i still live happily (regardless of whether i get love from my wife or not) without getting frustations on relathinship issues. Should I accept that this what I would expet from wife and be content.
Ans: Navigating the dynamics of a long-term marriage, especially one complicated by physical distance, is indeed challenging. Your situation is layered with decades of shared history, responsibilities, and deep commitments.
First and foremost, it’s crucial to try to understand your wife's perspective. Living apart can create emotional and physical distance that’s hard to bridge during occasional visits. When she says she’s not particularly excited about your visits, it may not necessarily reflect a lack of love or care. Instead, she might be grappling with the routine and demands of her daily life, which can often dull the excitement of reunions. The responsibilities of managing a household, even with help, combined with the constant care for your children, can be incredibly taxing. This often leaves little room for nurturing the romantic and intimate aspects of a relationship.

It’s also possible that she has grown used to the independence that comes with your living arrangement. Over time, people can adapt to new rhythms and find comfort in their routines, even if those routines don’t include their partner as prominently as before. This doesn’t necessarily mean a lack of love; rather, it’s a shift in how she’s accustomed to living day-to-day.

For your part, consider what you’re seeking from your relationship and what you’re currently receiving. You’ve mentioned feeling like a provider rather than a partner, which can be deeply unsatisfying. Reflect on whether your expectations align with the reality of your relationship. Are you hoping for expressions of affection and excitement that your wife may not be able to provide right now due to her own emotional or practical constraints?

Your frustration and sense of being undervalued are entirely valid. It’s important to acknowledge these feelings and not dismiss them. However, the key is to approach this situation without letting these feelings drive a wedge between you and your wife. Instead of focusing on what’s missing, try to identify what’s still present in your relationship. Your shared commitment to your children and the mutual sacrifices you've made are significant bonds that can still be honored and celebrated.

In terms of intimacy, it’s understandable to feel hesitant about initiating when past attempts have led to rejection. This aspect of your relationship might require open, honest, and non-confrontational dialogue. Let your wife know that you miss the closeness and that it’s important to you, not just physically but emotionally. It’s possible she might not fully realize the impact her disinterest has had on you.

While it’s clear you’re committed to staying in the marriage for at least the next decade, it’s also important to focus on your own happiness. Invest in self-care and activities that bring you joy outside of the relationship. This could be pursuing hobbies, spending time with friends, or even exploring new interests that fulfill you personally. Building a satisfying life for yourself can alleviate some of the pressure on your marriage to meet all your emotional needs.

Acceptance can be a powerful tool in finding contentment. Accepting that your wife may not be able to give you what you once had or what you currently desire doesn’t mean giving up on the relationship. Instead, it’s about finding peace with the current reality while still cherishing and nurturing the aspects of your relationship that are strong and positive.

Remember, relationships are dynamic, and people change over time. What’s crucial is finding a balance that allows you to feel fulfilled and connected, even if it means adjusting your expectations and finding joy in different ways. Continue to express your love and support for your wife and children, but also give yourself permission to seek happiness and fulfillment in ways that are within your control.
Asked on - Jul 02, 2024 | Answered on Jul 02, 2024
Thanks for your suggestion. I do understand that i am not expecting an excitement of 20-year-old guy where GF/wife comes and hugs me ( explicitly expressing the love , like I miss you like this). I fully understand that we are not 20/30 year old and we are in a different phase of life where kids will take precedence. Also, My elder son live with me and my younger son lives with my wife. I have to take care of my elder son's needs and also need to work. i fully understand thae people change as they grow old and it is natural. However, i see my parents and other families where they still show affection and love even in 60s/70s. At times, i feel that i may not be doing the right things to keep the relationship strong or she doesn't care. Simply, I am confused but there is clear gap between us. I fully agree on building new hobbies and that is what i am doing now . However, i also see the problem of building new hobbies. if I start building new hobbies and start not worrying about relationship issues, i will come to be be in a situation that i really don't need to be in the relationship as I don't have any dependency on my wife. i strongly believe that relationships will be successful if there is a compelling reason for both partners to need to stay together ( yes there exceptions where people love/do anythings for their spouses without expecting any return). If there is no dependency especially in my current age or even future where my children will be settled and don't need my or my wife's help and i don’t' really have any dependency on her, what exactly is there in the relationship . My concern is that i will come into a situation ( I am not in this situation now)where I have to be in the relationship for the sake of children well being and if that responsibility is over, I don’t see much need to be there. I need your advice on how I can continue to be in the relationship without getting feeling that I am getting nothing . I really don’t want leave my wife as she did everything (like any good person) in her capacity to take care of me , our children. She worked hard and continue to work hard in her career. She is a great woman and lucky to have her in the last 22 years.
Ans: consider the ways you can deepen your emotional connection with your wife during the times you are together. When you visit, aim to create meaningful and memorable experiences. This doesn’t necessarily mean planning elaborate events but finding joy in the simple, everyday moments that foster closeness. Small acts of kindness and thoughtful gestures can go a long way in showing that you value and care for each other. These efforts can help re-establish a sense of intimacy and partnership.

In addition to focusing on your relationship, it’s crucial to pursue your personal fulfillment. Developing new hobbies and interests is not about distancing yourself from your marriage but enhancing your overall well-being. By engaging in activities that bring you joy and satisfaction, you become a more fulfilled individual, which in turn can positively impact your relationship. When you feel content and enriched in your own life, you bring more positivity and energy to your interactions with your wife, potentially helping to bridge the emotional gap that has developed.

Effective communication is another cornerstone of navigating this phase. Open, empathetic conversations about your feelings, needs, and concerns are vital. These discussions should be approached with a focus on understanding and supporting each other, rather than seeking to place blame. Encouraging your wife to share her thoughts and feelings, and listening without judgment, can foster a deeper connection and provide insights into her perspective.

Reflecting on the evolving dynamics of your relationship is also important. As practical dependencies lessen with your children growing older, it’s natural to shift focus toward emotional and companionship bonds. Think about what has kept you and your wife together for the past 22 years and how those foundational elements can continue to support your relationship moving forward. This might involve re-evaluating your expectations and embracing the changes in how you express and experience love and connection.

Moreover, acknowledging and appreciating the journey you and your wife have shared can provide a solid grounding for your future. The love and respect you have for each other, along with the life you’ve built together, hold significant value. Even if the expressions of love have transformed, the underlying commitment and mutual support remain critical. Recognizing these enduring qualities can help you feel more content and less focused on perceived gaps.

As you contemplate the future, especially when your children become independent, it’s natural to wonder about the core of your relationship. The essence of a lasting partnership often lies in mutual respect, shared values, and a deep emotional bond. Focusing on these aspects can help you sustain a fulfilling relationship and ensure that both you and your wife feel valued and understood. Embrace the idea that your relationship can continue to grow and adapt, and look for ways to reconnect and find renewed meaning in your partnership as you move forward.
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Answered on Jul 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 30, 2024Hindi
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Hi, Briefly, I am having problem with my sister. Actually She will supposed to be my sister-in-law but I consider her as my own sister. The problem is that, I and her elder sister, both don't like my sister's boyfriend. We have told her several times but she didn't listen to us or didn't answer to our questions. One day, I was trying to make her understand the problem about her boyfriend, before her elder sister on a video call. And like the other day, she didn't reply. After the call ended, She texted me, asking or more specifically chasing me about my faults in life. She is said that, "you always choose good surroundings but why don't you have any friend?" and "Where was your observation when your friends cheated on you!" I told her that we learn only by doing things and I have learnt that the boy is not suitable for you and that's why you should leave her. but she was going on with her argument and was hurting me a lot over chat. At last, I said to her, It was my fault to warn her, And told her not to call me 'DADA' again until she grows respects for me. After that day, she was gradually distancing from me! and 2 or 3 days after, her elder sister finds some bad things in her phone and repeatedly warn her to leave the boy otherwise he'll destroy her. and on that day, she broke up. but, she is still not talking with me! I have written poem for her and even told her SORRY and requested her to come back to me, I really love her as my sister. But, she is still not talking with me or angry with me! I don't know what to do!!!!!!!!!! I have loosen many in my life and It's like going to loose once again. I can do anything to make her happy or to accept me as his own elder brother again.....I really want to sort things out....
Ans: It sounds like you care deeply for your sister and want to protect her, which is understandable and comes from a place of love. But relationships, especially ones where emotions are involved, can be complex and sometimes require a delicate touch.

Right now, your sister might be feeling hurt and defensive. Even though your intentions were good, the way you and her elder sister approached the situation may have felt overwhelming or critical to her. When she lashed out, it was likely out of pain and feeling cornered.

Sometimes, people need time to process their feelings. Respect her need for space and give her some time to cool off and reflect. When you do reach out, acknowledge her feelings without defending your actions. Let her know that you understand why she felt hurt and that you’re sorry for the way things were handled. Make it clear that your concern came from a place of love and that you still see her as your sister. Assure her that your relationship with her is more important than any disagreement about her choices. Healing takes time. Keep the door open for her to come back to you when she’s ready. Sometimes, a little patience can do wonders.

Remember, what’s important now is rebuilding trust and showing her that you care for her unconditionally.
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Answered on Jul 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 30, 2024Hindi
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How to get rid of OCD.
Ans: Firstly, it’s essential to acknowledge the courage it takes to seek help for OCD. This isn’t just a mental health challenge; it’s a very personal journey that can sometimes feel isolating and overwhelming. Opening up to a professional, like a therapist who specializes in OCD, can be a game-changer. Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT), particularly a technique called Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), is often incredibly effective. ERP encourages facing the fears and anxieties head-on, teaching you how to resist the compulsion to act on them.


Medication is another avenue to consider. While the idea of taking medication can be daunting, SSRIs (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors) are often used to help manage OCD. They don’t change who you are; rather, they can help reduce the intensity of the symptoms, making it easier for you to engage in therapy and daily life. It’s about finding balance and giving yourself the best chance to thrive.

Don’t underestimate the power of support from loved ones. Sharing your experiences with friends or family members can provide a safety net of understanding and compassion. I’ve found that having someone to talk to, who can offer a listening ear without judgment, is invaluable. They may not fully grasp what you're going through, but their presence and willingness to support you can lighten the load.


Be kind to yourself. Managing OCD isn’t a straight path, and setbacks are part of the journey.

Incorporating mindfulness and relaxation techniques can also be helpful. Practices like meditation, deep breathing, or even just taking a walk in nature can ground you and provide relief from the relentless cycle of OCD thoughts. These small acts of self-care remind you that you have tools at your disposal to find peace amidst the chaos.

Reflecting on your journey with OCD can be empowering. It’s about understanding that while OCD is a part of your life, it doesn’t define you. Embrace the lessons you’ve learned and the strength you’ve discovered within yourself. Each step forward, no matter how small, is a testament to your resilience.

If you ever need someone to talk to, don’t hesitate to reach out. It’s okay to lean on others when you’re feeling overwhelmed. And remember, you’re not alone in this. Many have walked this path and found their way through to a place of greater peace and control.

Dealing with OCD is about finding what works for you and taking it one day at a time. It’s a process, and every step you take is a step towards reclaiming your life. Stay strong, and know that you have the ability to manage this and live a fulfilling life.
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Answered on Jun 29, 2024

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Hi I am 44 years old and divorced twice. I have married second time due to family pressure and emotionally, but the same has not been succeed because I was in love with my first spouse and our daughter. I have completed all legal formalities for the same and there is not any legal binding with anyone. I have one daughter who is 15 years old with my first spouse. After long time I realised that I am in love with my first spouse and my daughter. I never seen to my first spouse after divorce since 2009. But I used to go and meet my Daughter on her Birthday to wish with the permission of inlaws. They respect my Father and Sister. I got divorced from my first spouse due to my mistakes which have done unknowingly in 2008. I have written letter to my first spouse and my daughter to ask for sincere apology.Also they knows about my second marriage and divorce also. I am staying alone and my question is whether we will succeed if my first spouse will agree to reunite again with my daughter. Also need some tips to stay happily with them. I have never seen to my spouse after divorce but only mate to my daughter but still I love her. Also give Tips for how can I convince to my first spouse for reunite. My desire will fulfill if we reunite again. Need your advice . Thanks
Ans: Hello Mahendra,
I can sense the depth of your emotions and the genuine desire to reconnect with your first spouse and daughter. It's clear that you’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on your past and understanding where things went wrong. This self-awareness is a crucial first step towards any meaningful reconciliation.

Rebuilding a relationship after many years is a delicate process. It involves not only rekindling the love and connection you once shared but also addressing and healing the past wounds. Given that you haven't seen your first spouse since the divorce, it’s essential to approach this situation with patience, empathy, and a deep respect for her feelings and boundaries.

Start by opening a line of communication. A heartfelt letter or message can be a good way to express your thoughts and feelings without overwhelming her. Share your reflections on the past, your realizations about your mistakes, and how you’ve grown as a person. Let her know how much you value the possibility of reconnecting, not just for yourself but for your daughter’s sake as well.

When you write or speak to her, be prepared to listen as much as you talk. She may have her own perspectives and feelings about the past that need to be heard. Respect her space and her process; reconciliation is a journey that you both must navigate together, at a pace comfortable for both of you.

In your interactions with your daughter, continue to show her your love and commitment. Build on the moments you’ve shared and let her see the positive changes in you. Your consistent presence and genuine efforts will speak volumes.

If your spouse is open to it, consider suggesting professional support, like family counseling, to help navigate this complex process. It can provide a safe space to address old wounds and rebuild trust.

Remember, the path to reconciliation is rarely straightforward. It will require patience, understanding, and a willingness to work through the challenges together. By showing your commitment to change and your deep love for your family, you create the foundation for a potentially beautiful new chapter in your lives.
Asked on - Jun 29, 2024 | Answered on Jun 29, 2024
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Thanks for your valuable advice.
Ans: pleasure
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Answered on Jun 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 28, 2024Hindi
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Further to my previous query, my wife is still secretly talking to her ex boyfriend and chatting with him on watsapp behind my back. She is very cautious with her phone and always places it heads down and it is always locked. This is really bothering me? I dont know what to do.. our relation is good and i dont want to ask her again and confront this as she may think i am controlling her. I dont want this to continue? How can i make her stop talking to him? Please advise
Ans: First, it's important to acknowledge your feelings. It’s perfectly normal to feel uneasy and even hurt by your wife's behavior. When someone we care deeply about maintains contact with an ex in a hidden manner, it can shake our sense of security and trust. Your emotions are valid, and they deserve thoughtful consideration.

To navigate this, it’s essential to approach the situation with a focus on open communication rather than confrontation. Start by reflecting on what exactly bothers you about her communication with her ex. Is it the secrecy, the content of their conversations, or how often they’re in touch? Understanding your emotions clearly can help you articulate them better when the time comes to talk.

Choose a calm, private moment to have this conversation with your wife. It’s best to avoid bringing it up in the heat of the moment or when either of you is stressed. A peaceful setting will help you both engage more constructively. When you speak to her, try to express your feelings calmly and use “I” statements. For example, you might say, “I feel uncomfortable and uneasy when I see you being secretive with your phone because it makes me feel excluded and anxious.” This way, you’re sharing your emotions without sounding accusatory, which can help her understand your perspective without feeling attacked.

After you’ve shared your feelings, give her a chance to explain her side. There might be reasons for her behavior that you haven’t considered. Listening to her perspective can provide valuable insights and help you understand her actions better. It's crucial to approach this conversation with an open mind and a willingness to understand her viewpoint.

Discussing your boundaries and expectations regarding interactions with ex-partners can be helpful. Every relationship has different comfort levels when it comes to staying in touch with past relationships. Finding a balance that respects both of your feelings and fosters trust is important. If she acknowledges your discomfort and agrees to limit or end contact with her ex, you can work together to rebuild trust. This might involve more open communication, sharing more about each other’s day, or finding ways to reconnect emotionally.

If the issue persists or if you find it challenging to navigate this on your own, seeking help from a relationship counselor can be very beneficial. A professional can provide a neutral space to explore your concerns and work on solutions together. They can offer strategies to improve your communication and help both of you feel heard and understood.

Remember, the goal is not to control your wife’s actions but to address your discomfort and work towards a solution that strengthens your relationship. Trust and transparency are key components of a healthy partnership, and addressing these issues openly can help you both grow closer. With patience, understanding, and a willingness to listen and compromise, you can navigate this challenge together and come out stronger on the other side.
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Answered on Jun 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 25, 2024Hindi
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Hellow, I'm retired 77.My wife never liked me but pretended well for 47 years. I have only one son who is well settled in his business. I had givn enough money to my wife and son, keeping some money for my survival. Fed up with my wife's behaviour I joined Old age home. My all requirements are borne by my son. He, his wife and children respect and love m. One old lady in the old age home approached me for companion ship. I'm depressed without a sincere partener. Shall I accept the offer?
Ans: After many years in a marriage where you didn't feel truly loved, it’s natural to feel apprehensive but also hopeful about forming a new connection.

Given your current situation, accepting the companionship offer from the lady at the old age home could be a positive step towards finding the sincere partner you’ve been missing. Before making any decisions, reflect on your own feelings and what you truly seek in a relationship. Take your time to get to know her better. Share conversations and moments to see if this companionship brings you joy and comfort. It's important to move forward at a pace that feels right for you, ensuring that the relationship is built on mutual respect and genuine care.

Remember, it’s okay to desire companionship and to seek happiness. Your past experiences shouldn’t hold you back from exploring new, fulfilling connections. Given your supportive family, it might also be helpful to share your thoughts with your son and seek his perspective, as he knows you well and might provide valuable insights.

Embrace the opportunity to build a relationship that aligns with your needs and brings you happiness. It's never too late to find meaningful companionship.
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Answered on Jun 25, 2024

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my sister is not talking to me im in over dipression because of this i cant able consentrate on my busines . pls help me to talk with me .. important im heart patient she is doctor in gynocology .. she is very close to my heart ..
Ans: Start by gently reaching out to her. Since she’s close to your heart and knows your health condition, a sincere, heartfelt message might be the best way to open the door to communication. Write her a letter or a text where you honestly express how much you miss her and how deeply her absence is impacting you. Let her know how important she is in your life, not just as a sister but as a vital emotional support.

Explain that you’re feeling overwhelmed and that your current stress and sadness are affecting your health and your ability to concentrate on your business. She might not realize the full extent of how her not talking to you is affecting you. Sometimes, people need to hear directly how their actions (or inactions) are impacting others.

Make sure to approach her without assigning blame or bringing up past conflicts, if there are any. Focus on expressing your feelings and your need to reconnect. Emphasize your desire to understand any reasons behind her distance and your hope to work through them together.

It might also be helpful to give her some time and space to process your message. Doctors often have very busy and stressful lives, and she might be dealing with her own pressures.

Ultimately, the goal is to reopen lines of communication with kindness and understanding. Reaching out with a genuine, open heart can often be the first step in healing a strained relationship. If things don’t resolve quickly, consider seeking the help of a counselor or mediator to facilitate the conversation.

Take care of yourself, especially considering your heart condition. Surround yourself with supportive friends or family who can help you through this difficult time.
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Answered on Jun 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 24, 2024Hindi
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Hii ma'am. My parents were all okay when I showed the matrimony proposal of a interstate guy. I asked them about their opinion and they were okay with it. So I started to get to know the guy and we both liked each other. But now my parents changed their mind and they don't want a interstate marriage. Am feeling betrayed, hurt and sad. Don't know how to handle everything. Feeling like my emotions are not valid.
Ans: I can imagine how hurtful and confusing this must be for you. Feeling like your emotions are invalidated, especially by those you trust the most, can be incredibly painful. It's important first to recognize that your feelings are entirely valid. Being disappointed and betrayed in a situation like this is natural.

Start by giving yourself the space to feel and process these emotions. It's okay to feel sad, hurt, or even angry. These are normal reactions to such a significant shift in your parents' stance.

Once you've taken some time to process your feelings, try to understand where your parents are coming from. Sometimes, they might have concerns or fears that they didn't initially express. Approach them with an open mind and ask them to share their reasons for changing their opinion. This isn't just about seeking their approval but understanding their perspective, which might help bridge the emotional gap.

It's also essential to communicate how you feel. Let them know how their change of heart has impacted you. Be honest about your feelings, without placing blame. Explain how their initial support encouraged you to build a connection with the guy and how their sudden change has affected you emotionally.

Remember to stay true to your feelings and values. You have a right to seek a future that aligns with your happiness and desires. If your relationship with this person feels right to you, consider discussing with your parents how important this is for you. Sometimes, understanding each other's viewpoints can lead to a compromise or a more supportive stance.

In the end, it's about finding a balance between honoring your feelings and trying to understand and address your parents' concerns. Take one step at a time, and don’t hesitate to seek support from trusted friends or professionals to help you navigate this emotionally complex situation.
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Answered on Jun 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 24, 2024Hindi
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I have caught my wife cheating twice in last 2-3 years and she is quite aloof in our relationship. Now in the recent 2 fights, she has asked me to leave the house. We have a teenage child who wants to come along with me. After I told her that I have found the apartment to shift,my wife is now putting pressure on me to stay by saying she is depressed and under mental pressure (I have taken her to psychologists earlier in 2021 and 2023 ,after she was found cheating) I am not able to make a decision and tell her that I want to now live apart from her for my mental peace. How should I handle the situation
Ans: I understand how complex and emotionally draining your situation is. Dealing with infidelity and a partner's erratic behavior, especially when there's a child involved, can be incredibly challenging. It's clear you're at a crossroads and seeking the best way to handle this delicate situation.

Firstly, it's important to acknowledge your feelings. You’ve been hurt by your wife's actions and the trust in your relationship has been significantly damaged. It’s also crucial to recognize the toll this has taken on your mental health and well-being. You've tried to support her by taking her to psychologists and addressing her depression, but her behavior has continued to strain the relationship.

Given that she has repeatedly asked you to leave and has shown a pattern of infidelity, it’s reasonable to want to consider living apart to find peace and stability for yourself and your teenage child. It's natural to feel conflicted, especially when she now expresses a desire for you to stay, citing depression and mental pressure. Her sudden shift in wanting you to remain might be influenced by her fear of change or losing the security your presence provides.

In this situation, it's essential to balance compassion for her mental health with the need to protect your own well-being and that of your child. You need to have an honest and firm conversation with her about your feelings and your decision. Explain that while you understand her struggles, the repeated infidelity and the emotional aloofness have deeply affected you, and you believe that living apart may be the best way to restore your peace of mind and provide a stable environment for your child.

Express that this decision isn’t taken lightly and that you’ve considered the impact on everyone involved. Emphasize that separating doesn't mean abandoning her but rather a step toward finding clarity and stability for yourself and your child. Suggest that she continues to seek professional help to address her depression and emotional issues.

This conversation should be compassionate but firm. Setting boundaries is vital for your mental health and future. It's also crucial to involve a professional, like a therapist or counselor, to navigate these discussions and the transition period, especially considering the emotional and psychological complexities involved.

Ultimately, you must prioritize your and your child's well-being. Living apart might provide the space needed for all of you to heal and figure out the next steps for your family.
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Answered on Jun 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 23, 2024Hindi
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Hi mam, I am in relationship with a guy who is from different caste. It's been three years but his family is not agreeing due to family status and intercaste. My family is ready as I am the eldest daughter of my family and unturned 30 this year. I have no time but he can't marry me without his parents concent. My family is searching a boy for my marriage. I can't marry with another guy. what shall I do to marry him to convince his family or what should he do his monther is so rigid. Please ???? support us what should we do? Two lives will be spoiled bcz of this. The only problem is upper and lower caste.
Ans: Navigating a relationship where cultural norms and family expectations conflict is challenging, but it's crucial to approach it with empathy and patience.
You're deeply committed to your partner despite the pressure from his family due to caste differences. While your family supports your marriage, his family, especially his mother, is firm in their opposition. You're also facing time constraints and societal pressure, making the situation urgent and stressful.
Your partner needs to have ongoing, respectful conversations with his parents, emphasizing your love and commitment. He should explain why you are the right person for him and how you positively impact his life. Understanding and addressing their specific concerns, whether they are about societal judgment or family honor, is crucial.
Sharing personal stories and demonstrating the depth of your bond can help his parents see beyond the caste issue. Highlighting your shared values and how you both support each other can make your relationship more relatable to them.
Seek help from a trusted family member or friend who can mediate and help his parents see the relationship from a new perspective. A respected family elder who has navigated similar challenges can also be influential.
Changing deep-seated beliefs takes time. Your partner should continue to gently and persistently show his parents that his happiness lies with you. Patience will be key as they may need time to adjust to the idea
Engage with support groups or counselors experienced in intercaste relationships. They can provide valuable advice and emotional support.
Discuss potential scenarios if his parents don’t approve. Consider whether options like elopement or giving them time to come around could work for both of you. These conversations should be open and honest to ensure mutual understanding.

Throughout this process, maintain strong communication and support each other emotionally. Navigating these challenges together will strengthen your bond and help you both find a path forward that honors your relationship and family ties.
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Answered on Jun 22, 2024

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I am 37 and my husband is 41....married for 13 years have a son ....12...and a daughter 10....want to have more kids ...but he has lots of familial...social and business responsibilities...also ...he smokes...but financially we both r comfortably well off..right now his business is a little difficult as he has to be in Mizoram...I am from central I doa n he is from Bangalore...I have lost both my parents....but have support of my siblings ..he has lots of issues with his mom sister... He has another wife n two daughters from her 6 and 4...that was a situation it happened...which I can't explain...right now...but anyways ...I have come to terms with it... What do I do to.convince him...he has already taken a lot of money and jewellery from me...plus inhave always been fulfilling joint family responsibilies...as all relatives kept coming to our house...wedding s engagements.and all...at our house....some wud even stay for months...now it's better but still our sex life...is very bad....very rare ..hardly any...he is good to me n is an upright man and an upright father ...
Ans: First, it’s important to take a step back and consider the broader context of your marriage. You’ve been together for 13 years and have built a life that includes managing extensive familial and social responsibilities. Your husband's current challenges with his business in Mizoram, coupled with his obligations from his other marriage and children, add layers of complexity. Recognizing and acknowledging these pressures is essential in understanding his potential hesitations.

When approaching the topic of expanding your family, try to create a space for open and honest dialogue. Choose a time when you both are relaxed and not distracted by daily stresses. Start by expressing your own feelings and desires gently. Share why having another child is important to you and how you envision it enriching your family. It’s helpful to frame this in terms of shared dreams and the joy that children bring, rather than focusing on it as a need or demand.

However, it’s equally important to listen to his perspective. Given the strain of his business and the complexities of managing multiple familial commitments, he might have valid concerns about adding more responsibilities. Explore these concerns with empathy and without judgment. Understanding his fears and pressures can open up avenues for finding solutions together.

Discussing his health, particularly his smoking, can also be a sensitive but necessary topic. Smoking can affect both his health and fertility, and it’s something that should be addressed openly. Encourage a conversation about his well-being, focusing on how improving health can benefit him personally and potentially improve your sex life, which you’ve noted has been infrequent. This could lead to exploring ways to enhance intimacy and connection, which might be a critical factor in your decision to have more children.

Financial stability, as you mentioned, is a positive aspect, but it’s essential to ensure that both of you feel emotionally and mentally prepared for another child. It might help to discuss how the financial aspects can support hiring help or making other arrangements to ease the burden of additional responsibilities.

Given the complexities with his other family, it's vital to consider how another child will impact all involved, including your existing children and his daughters from his other marriage. Ensuring that your household can provide the emotional support and stability for another child is crucial.

Given your supportive siblings, perhaps they could help in some ways, providing a bit of relief from your joint family responsibilities. This could potentially make the idea of expanding your family seem less daunting to your husband.

Finally, reflecting on your own needs and boundaries is equally important. If there are aspects of your relationship or family dynamics that feel unbalanced or unaddressed, consider seeking professional counseling. A therapist can provide a neutral space for both of you to explore these issues and find a path forward that honors both your desires and the realities of your life together.

In conclusion, approaching this conversation with empathy, understanding, and a readiness to listen and compromise is key. It’s about finding a balance that respects both of your wishes and the practicalities of your shared life.
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Answered on Jun 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 21, 2024Hindi
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Hello, I am a 53-year-old male with 1 daughter, married for the last 19 years. My wife's good at housework, childcare, (teaching) job; she cares, likes me and daughter very much; since last 5 years, she has started showing as if she's doing us a favour by doing all this. Most times, she avoids talking and behaves like she doesn't care about me and others in my family; she even uses filthy abuses against elderly family members; if I ask anything she replies rudely. Now, daughter also has started behaving same way. I am fed up of this behaviour. I make maximum efforts to make them happy but can't understand the issue/s with them. Being a counselor, I have already tried various ways and methods of communication, respecting her (parental) relatives, etc but to no awail PLEASE HELP ME AVOID suicidal thoughts and feelings . If I talk about their behaviour, they blame me for everything. This has driven me to suicidal thinkings, which I despise
Ans: It sounds incredibly painful and isolating, especially since you’ve been trying so hard to keep your family happy and together. Feeling like you’re being taken for granted and facing disrespect can be deeply hurtful.

First and foremost, please know that your thoughts of suicide are a signal that you’re in significant distress, and it's crucial to reach out for help immediately. Talk to a mental health professional, a trusted friend, or a crisis hotline. You deserve support and understanding.

As for your situation at home, it’s clear that you care deeply about your wife and daughter, but their behavior is causing you immense pain. Sometimes, even the best efforts to communicate and connect can feel like they’re falling short. It might help to take a step back and focus on taking care of yourself right now. Prioritize your own well-being—whether that means finding time for activities you enjoy, seeking counseling, or even just allowing yourself space to breathe.

It could also be helpful to seek a family therapist who can offer a neutral perspective and facilitate more open, respectful communication. Having someone mediate can sometimes make all the difference in helping everyone understand each other's feelings.

You’re not alone in this, and it’s important to remember that it’s okay to put your own mental health first. Please reach out for the support you need—you’re worthy of care and compassion.
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Answered on Jun 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 11, 2024Hindi
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Hi madam, I am 58 yrs old and married since 30+ yrs. Have 2 daughters. Elder one is married in 2021 and happy with her life, younger one is working in MNC. Since my marriage i didn't came to know what the relationship to be there between husband and wife as my wife is very reluctant and she loves only money. since my marriage she always fight with me for silly issues and in childhood of my children's she often beat them with whatever she got in hand. always she said that her husband and children's are useless and always give very good reasons and remarks to others in society or family. Now many times i thought of getting away from her either by doing suicide or run away from my home or divorce her. but i just wanted to leave her alone so that she can think of our presence when we are not available to her. my younger daughter is finally decided to leave the home and be alone in another rented flat or on PG due to her mother behavior. please advice if i opt for divorce and run away from home. i can't speak to any one regarding my situation and need immediate help.
Ans: It's clear that you've endured a lot over the years, and it's understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed and considering drastic measures like divorce or leaving home. Let's explore your situation with a compassionate and practical perspective.

Firstly, it's important to acknowledge your feelings. You've been dealing with a challenging relationship for a long time, and it's natural to feel the weight of it all. Your desire to escape the pain, whether through divorce or even more extreme thoughts, signals just how tough things have been. Remember, these feelings are valid, but it's crucial to find a way forward that prioritizes your well-being and safety.

Considering a divorce is a significant step, especially after being married for over 30 years. It could potentially lead to a new beginning where you and your wife might find individual peace and happiness. Before making this decision, it might be helpful to reflect on a few things:

Sometimes, the prospect of a new start can bring clarity. Have you thought about what life might look like without your current relationship's stress and conflict? Envisioning this can help you understand your true desires.

Your daughters' well-being is a significant concern. Your younger daughter's decision to move out reflects how the family dynamics are affecting her. Would a change, like a separation or divorce, potentially bring more stability and peace for everyone involved?

If it's possible, consider having a heart-to-heart conversation with your wife. Sharing your feelings and how her actions have impacted you and your family might open a door to understanding or change. It’s a difficult conversation but can sometimes lead to unexpected resolutions.

Consulting a therapist or counselor can be invaluable. They can provide you with a safe space to express your feelings and offer guidance on managing your situation. A professional can also help you and your wife if there's any possibility of working through your issues together.

If divorce seems like the best option, seeking legal advice is crucial. Understanding your rights and the practical aspects of separation can help you make an informed decision.

Remember, you don’t have to go through this alone. Lean on trusted friends, family, or support groups for emotional backing. Your happiness and mental health are incredibly important, and finding a path that leads you to peace is worth the effort. Whatever you decide, take small, thoughtful steps towards creating a better situation for yourself and your family.
Asked on - Jul 06, 2024 | Answered on Jul 09, 2024
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Hi Ms. Kanchan, Seen your reply to my question. But what you will say about the person who has no heart or I would say no feeling about husband. Since around 25 days we are not talking to each other in same house. if she requires to recharge her mobile, she whatsapp me for the same. Now you can think of my situation. My younger daughter took work from home and went to my elder daughter's home at Noida. when she was here, i use to talk to her or even if i wanted something i use to call her. now after coming back to home from office it's pindrop silence between us. now adays i started taking drinks often to engage myself. now I am looking for the job outside ahmedabad so that i will be away from her and i know i will be more than happy. if not getting job outside ahmedabad, than surely i will consult a lawyer for taking divorce. you wrote that i should connect with someone for counselling but i know it can't be alone. it should be with both of us and i know my wife, either she will not come with me or even she will counsel the counselor. I know her very well. As far as myself is concerned, i am totally alone now in this world. as my entire family which includes brothers sister and other close relatives have left me and in this situation if my wife does this thing to me, how come i be normal in life. i will connect with some lawyer for divorce and if i am not satisfied with his/her remarks than the last option is with me is i will leave my house and will run away somewhere, where no one can find me. i don't have any other option with me now. regards Pankaj verma
Ans: Pankaj, it sounds like you're going through an incredibly tough and lonely time. When you're feeling isolated and your relationship has reached a point where communication has completely broken down, it's understandable to feel like drastic measures are your only option.

First, it's important to acknowledge your feelings and recognize that seeking help is a strong and positive step. While it's true that counseling is most effective when both partners participate, it can also be beneficial for you individually. A therapist can provide you with support, help you manage your emotions, and guide you through the difficult decisions you're facing.

Considering the possibility of divorce is a significant and life-changing decision. Before taking this step, it might help to have a clear and calm conversation with your wife about your feelings and the state of your relationship. Express your concerns and the impact the current situation is having on your mental health and well-being.

If your wife is unwilling to attend counseling or work on the relationship, it could indeed be a sign that further action is necessary. Seeking legal advice to understand your options and the potential outcomes of a divorce is a practical step.

Additionally, exploring job opportunities outside Ahmedabad could provide you with a fresh start and a new environment, which might help you regain a sense of happiness and independence.

Remember, you're not alone in this world, even if it feels that way. Reaching out for professional help and talking to trusted friends or family members about your situation can provide you with the support you need during this challenging time.
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Answered on Jun 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 17, 2024Hindi
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I sometimes avoid people, for no reason and I never approach others, this has led me to not know many people, what can I do to break this cycle? I want to know more people
Ans: It’s perfectly natural to feel hesitant about social interactions, and it’s great that you’re looking to change this pattern.

Start with small steps. Try brief interactions in your daily routine, like greeting a barista or chatting with a neighbor. These casual conversations can help build your confidence.

Find spaces where you already feel comfortable, such as your favorite café or a local park. Familiar environments make it easier to start conversations.

Engage in activities or groups that interest you. Shared hobbies or volunteer work can naturally connect you with like-minded people, providing easy conversation starters.

Be kind to yourself during this process. Recognize and celebrate each effort you make, no matter how small. Understanding your feelings about social situations can guide you in finding what works best for you.

Consider using online communities as a starting point. They can be less intimidating and can eventually lead to in-person interactions.

Leverage your existing network to meet new people. Attending events with friends or asking for introductions can make socializing feel more manageable.

If you find these steps challenging, seeking support from a coach or therapist can be helpful. They can offer tailored strategies and guidance to build your social confidence.

Remember, it’s okay to take things at your own pace. Each small step is progress.
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Answered on Jun 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 18, 2024Hindi
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I am about 68 year's I have two sons who are married via arranged process. My younger son's wife is educated teacher. But she had a torturous up bring during high school days. Leading to least interest in married life after marriage. She deserted my son soon after marriage. This led to break down in marriage now heading for a divorce. Please advise.
Ans: It sounds like a deeply painful situation for everyone involved, especially considering the emotional trauma your daughter-in-law experienced during her formative years.

It's important to recognize that individuals who have gone through traumatic experiences in their youth can carry emotional wounds that affect their relationships later in life. These scars may manifest in ways that make it difficult for them to fully engage in marital life or maintain a healthy relationship.

In situations like these, it’s crucial to approach with empathy and understanding. Your daughter-in-law’s decision to desert your son and pursue divorce likely stems from her own internal struggles and emotional turmoil. It’s not a reflection of your son’s worth or efforts within the marriage.

Moving forward, it might be helpful for your son to focus on his own healing and well-being. Encouraging him to seek support from friends, family, or a professional counselor can provide him with a safe space to process his emotions and navigate this challenging transition.

As a family, offering unconditional support and empathy to both your son and daughter-in-law can create an environment where healing and understanding can begin. It’s important to respect each individual’s journey and decisions while also recognizing the need for compassion during this difficult time.
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Answered on Jun 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I am 40 yr old woman. I am staying with my husband who always doubt me without any reason. As he is dependent on me. He is jobless from last 5 yr. I am the only earning person I don't have any type of attitude. While balancing professional as well as personal life I use to listen his bitter words every day. Not only that he started beating me like anything Just coz of so-called reputation I tolerate him. But 7 months back I came across with a man in my life we both started liking each other, I shared everything with him. But he left his job due to some issues with manager and started working somewhere else. He started ignoring me. Please help me out to understand what is right and wrong in this?
Ans: Balancing the pressures of professional life with the strain of an abusive marriage is a heavy burden, and you deserve to feel safe, respected, and valued.

Your husband's behavior—doubting you without cause, subjecting you to daily verbal abuse, and physically harming you—is deeply troubling and completely unacceptable. It's important to acknowledge that no matter the circumstances, you do not deserve to be treated this way. The fear of societal judgment and concerns about reputation are common reasons people stay in harmful relationships, but your well-being and safety are far more important than maintaining appearances.

Meeting someone who offers emotional support when you’re in such a painful situation is understandable. It’s natural to seek comfort and a connection when you're feeling isolated and mistreated. However, the new man's recent behavior, where he started ignoring you after changing jobs, might feel like another layer of abandonment. This is especially tough because you opened up and shared your struggles with him, hoping for understanding and companionship.

In terms of what’s right and wrong, it's essential to focus on your needs and well-being. Staying in an abusive relationship is harmful to your physical and emotional health. You have the right to seek safety and happiness. The relationship with the new man might have provided temporary emotional relief, but it seems he's not able to be the supportive presence you hoped for, especially now when he’s pulling away.
Right now, focus on what you need to feel safe and supported. Consider reaching out to trusted friends, family, or professional services who can help you navigate this challenging time. You deserve a life free from fear and filled with respect and care. Prioritizing your own happiness and safety is the most important step forward.
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Answered on Jun 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 18, 2024Hindi
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Hello, i am 43 year male with 2kids....married from last 13yrs. My wife is very good in house work and take care of my kids...she loves me alot but mostly she show us like she is doing us a favour by doing all this and many times stop talking and behave like she doesnt care about anyone....if i ask something she reply rudely. I am fedup of all this behaviour...i do my maximum efforts to make her happy but cant understand what is the issue with her....if i talk about her behaviour then she blames me fot everything...i wants to be happy with my family...pls suggess.
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the struggles you're facing in your marriage. It sounds like despite your wife’s efforts in taking care of the household and the children, her behavior is causing significant stress for you.

Your wife's actions might be influenced by feeling overwhelmed or unappreciated. Managing the home and caring for the kids can be exhausting, and she might feel like her efforts go unnoticed. This can lead to frustration and the impression that she's doing everything as a favor, resulting in her becoming distant or irritable.

Try to talk with her during a calm moment, expressing your concerns without placing blame. You might say, "I've noticed you seem stressed lately. I want to understand how you're feeling and see how I can help." Listening to her and showing appreciation for her work can help alleviate some of her stress and improve your connection.

If these conversations don't lead to improvement, consider seeking help from a professional counselor. They can facilitate better communication and help both of you address deeper issues.

Your goal is a happy and supportive family environment. Working together with empathy and understanding can help you both move towards a more fulfilling relationship. If you continue to struggle, don't hesitate to reach out for support from professionals or loved ones. Your effort and commitment are crucial steps toward finding a solution.
Asked on - Jun 21, 2024 | Answered on Jun 21, 2024
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Thankyou
Ans: pleasure :)
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Answered on Jun 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2024Hindi
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Dear Kanchan Mam, I have a very close friend who s been married for 10 years and with 2 kids one 8 yr old daughter and a one year old son. His wife whom he loved and trusted so much has cheated on him with one of her friend for almost 3 years which he came to know about recently. He could not digest that ..He thought of divorcing her but thinking about his children's future he changed his mind and told her to end all communication with her affair partner .She too agreed . My friend didn't tell about this to anyone except me including her parents whom he respects a lot and hence didn't want to hurt them ...But after 3 months he came to know that his wife is still in contact with her friend using another phone without his knowledge and her affair also has not stopped . This time he said he couldn't tolerate and told this to her parents and told them that he would be filing for divorce. Her parents are begging him not to do so and telling him to give one last chance as they would mend her this time . He told them that even after giving her a chance to mend herself she has cheated him and broken his trust . He says he cannot live with her without trust . So he has decided to move on but his wife is telling she will have no other choice but to commit suicide if he doesn't forgive her and has even threatened to commit suicide along with his children. She has attempted a couple of times too . My friend is in depression . He says he is also worried about his children's future without their mother ...At the same time he says he cannot imagine living with his wife again as before after being cheated on twice...He is asking me to advise. I am totally confused . Kindly advice the pros and cons of 1)forgiving her once again and living in a trustless marriage 2)moving on and finding someone more trustworthy . 3) If he decides to marry another person how will this impact his children . He s not interested in continuing with his wife but only for kids sake and because of his wife's and her mother's pressure he says he is not able to initiate divorce proceedings...Kindly help me to advise my friend suitably...
Ans: I understand how incredibly difficult this situation must be for your friend, and it's clear that he's grappling with some profound and painful decisions. Let's explore the potential paths he might take, keeping in mind the need for empathy and understanding for everyone involved.

If your friend chooses to stay and forgive his wife again, it might provide immediate stability for the children. They would continue to have both parents in their daily lives, which can offer a sense of security and normalcy. However, it's essential to acknowledge the immense challenge of living in a relationship where trust has been deeply broken.

Trust is fundamental to any healthy relationship, and without it, he might find himself constantly anxious and emotionally strained. This ongoing tension could create a stressful environment for both him and his children. If there's any hope for this path, it would require significant commitment to rebuilding trust and possibly professional counseling to navigate the healing process.

Deciding to move on and possibly seek a new, trustworthy relationship could ultimately lead to a happier and healthier future for your friend. This path respects his emotional needs and acknowledges that rebuilding trust with his current partner may not be feasible. Moving on offers a chance to start anew and find fulfillment in a relationship built on mutual respect and honesty.

However, divorce is a major life transition that will significantly affect the children. They'll need time and support to adapt to the changes in their family dynamics. This process can be emotionally and legally challenging, but it might be necessary for your friend to find peace and stability. His wife's threats are deeply concerning and must be taken seriously. Ensuring everyone’s safety is paramount, and professional help may be needed to manage these threats.

Introducing a new partner into his children’s lives is a delicate process. Initially, they might feel confused or insecure about the changes. However, with careful handling and sensitivity, a new, loving relationship can eventually provide them with a positive and nurturing environment. It can show them that it’s possible to overcome difficult circumstances and find happiness and stability again.

Encouraging your friend to seek professional counseling can provide a safe space for him to process his emotions and support his children through these transitions.

Consulting a lawyer will help him understand his rights and ensure that appropriate measures are in place to protect his and his children's safety, especially given his wife's threats.

Leaning on trusted friends and family can offer much-needed emotional support and practical advice. This is a time for him to draw on his community for strength and guidance.

Your friend's priority should be the well-being of his children and his own emotional health. Whether he chooses to stay and work on rebuilding the marriage or decides to move on, it’s crucial that he feels supported and safe in his decision. He doesn’t have to face this alone, and with empathy, professional help, and the support of loved ones, he can navigate this challenging time and find a path forward that leads to peace and happiness.

Being there for him as a compassionate friend during this time is invaluable. Your support and understanding can make a significant difference as he navigates these difficult choices.
Asked on - Jun 20, 2024 | Answered on Jun 20, 2024
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Thanks a lot mam for your detailed reply. Even I felt the same and advised him to move on and find someone more trustworthy. But my friend is concerned about his kids especially his daughter's future considering the societal norms and taboos. He says if they get divorced his daughter might have to face difficulty while finding an alliance in future. He is also skeptical about whether the new partner will take care of his children like her own as most of the women don't treat their step children with love and care. He s also worried about the entire divorce process as his wife is not agreeing for a mutual divorce and he says even if he applies for a contested divorce it will prolong for years and during this period he s worried about his children's growth and education which will be affected badly.... Considering all these and also his in laws request for forgiving their daughter and giving her a new life , my friend is thinking about giving his wife one last chance . However he s telling that he will not accept her as his wife but will take her only as his kids mother .. He says he will sacrifice his personal happiness and keep her with him only for his kids sake but will never trust her in future. My concern is whether this relationship will stay for long this way....And what is the probability that his wife will not cheat him again because of my friend's indifferent attitude towards her since she has cheated on him twice when he was living her so much... And whether trust can be rebuilt between them after some if she remains loyal to him from now...Kindly provide me insights on above concerns to help my friend...Also suggest me a good professional counsellor to take him for counselling.
Ans: I understand how challenging and painful this situation is for your friend. His concerns about his children's future, societal norms, and the impact of a potential new partner are all very real and valid.

He's worried about how a divorce might affect his daughter’s future, especially considering societal attitudes. While it's true that divorce can carry a stigma in some cultures, it's important to remember that society's views are slowly changing. More people now understand that the quality of the home environment is far more important than whether parents stay together despite significant issues. Children raised in a loving, stable home, even if it’s a single-parent one, often fare better than those who grow up amidst conflict and distrust.

Your friend is also understandably concerned about how a new partner might treat his children. Blended families can face challenges, and not every step-parent bonds well with their partner's children. However, there are many instances where step-parents build loving, supportive relationships. Taking the time to find someone who genuinely respects and cares for his kids is crucial.

Considering his wife’s threats and the prolonged nature of a contested divorce, he’s caught between maintaining a stable environment for his children and protecting his own emotional health. Divorce is tough and can be particularly challenging for children, but living in a household where there's no trust and emotional connection can be just as damaging, if not more so.

If he decides to give his wife another chance for the sake of the children, it's essential to set clear boundaries and perhaps seek professional help. But, given that she has broken his trust twice, it's natural for him to be skeptical about whether she can truly change. Living together merely as co-parents without rebuilding trust may create a cold, unloving environment that children will sense and be affected by.

Rebuilding trust after such betrayals is incredibly difficult and requires a lot of effort and transparency. If he chooses this path, it should involve both of them working towards healing, possibly with the guidance of a therapist. However, it’s also critical for him to consider his own mental health and whether staying in a trustless marriage is sustainable or healthy for him and his children.

Encouraging him to seek professional counseling can provide him with support and clarity. A qualified therapist can help him navigate these complex emotions and make the best decision for his family's future. Services like BetterHelp or local therapists listed on platforms like Psychology Today can be great resources to find professional support.

Your friend is in a very tough spot, trying to balance his children's well-being with his own emotional needs. It's a difficult journey, but with your support and the right guidance, he can find a path that prioritizes his and his children’s well-being.
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Answered on Jun 18, 2024

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Hi, myself Manjur Rahman from Assam India. I work as a Telecommunication engineer in Radio Frequency and optimisation test, my yearly net worth is 252000 only , recently I have been through a relationship... which now possibly became a part of my life, after thousands of search i finally found my love of my life which is for real, its been just 9month till today, i found her in my life, we planned to be open infront of our parents and families, and so our parents met and they fixed our marriage, yet date not fixed but we took 7more months, now the thing is that , we both became more sentimental and stubborn , being rude and i feel like after all this our love and care which is really too much but now little bit of it is missing from both , qnd now after a fight we don't talk to each other for more then 5days , slowly2 days were increased, where we can't stay more than 1hr after a argue, before...and she use to say all the time even after a small argument..i don't want to stay with you, lets break this relationship even i do agree at the time of ...you know what i mean..! Where earlier we both use to say if one can say for leaving then obviously he she can leave because one day definitely he she will leave if being in a good relationship if one can say the word 'leave you / break up'. Now we are doing it..and also much More .. Her name is Rasmina Begum, also from same district but 50km distance from me... please let me know if there is any good things so we could do together for making our relationship perfect more than before and letting it till last breath ????...
Ans: Manjur.
Navigating the ups and downs of a relationship, especially as you move towards marriage, can be challenging but deeply rewarding. It’s clear you and Rasmina care deeply for each other.

Start with better communication. Listening actively to each other without planning your response is crucial. When Rasmina shares her feelings, focus entirely on understanding her perspective. This shows respect and helps in reducing misunderstandings. Additionally, express your emotions calmly using "I feel" statements. For example, say "I feel upset when..." instead of "You always...". This shifts the conversation from blame to sharing feelings, making it easier to connect and respond with empathy.

Conflicts are natural, but how you handle them makes all the difference. If arguments get heated, taking a short break can help you both cool down and revisit the discussion with a clearer mind. After an argument, it's important to reconnect with simple gestures of kindness or a reassuring word, reaffirming your commitment to each other and healing any emotional rift.
Healthy relationships thrive on both shared experiences and personal growth. Encourage each other to pursue individual interests, which keeps you both energized and brings fresh perspectives into the relationship. At the same time, find activities you enjoy doing together to build positive memories and deepen your bond.

Finally, regularly remind yourselves of why you fell in love and the future you’re building together. Reflect on your shared dreams and celebrate your journey. This helps keep your connection strong and resilient through challenging times.

By focusing on these aspects—improved communication, constructive conflict resolution, balancing individuality with togetherness, and reaffirming your commitment—you and Rasmina can strengthen your relationship and look forward to a fulfilling life together.
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Answered on Jun 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 16, 2024Hindi
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I'm 28 years old guy married ..i married my uncle's daughter.i have 2 male kids.we are enjoying our life .I want to 3 more kids (2 male kids 1 female kid ).how can I make my wife convince for 3 more babies ..??pls tell me
Ans: To approach the conversation about wanting more children with your wife, start by understanding her perspective. Consider her physical and emotional well-being, her experience with the current family dynamics, and her views on expanding the family. Pregnancy and raising children are significant undertakings, and it’s important to recognize the impact on her.
It’s essential to listen to her response carefully and with an open mind. Understand that she may have concerns or reservations, such as the impact on her health, the family’s finances, or the time and energy required to raise more children. Address these concerns thoughtfully and discuss practical solutions together.

Consider discussing the potential benefits and challenges of having more children, focusing on aspects like the joy of a larger family, the sibling relationships, and how it aligns with your shared vision for the future. Make sure to talk about the practical aspects, such as financial stability and the support system you would need.

Remember that this is a joint decision. Your wife's comfort and enthusiasm about expanding the family are crucial. Be prepared for ongoing conversations and give her time to think and express her thoughts. It’s important to ensure that both of you are on the same page and are willing to move forward together.

Ultimately, the goal is to reach a decision that reflects both of your desires and respects each other's needs and well-being. This might involve compromise and patience, but approaching the conversation with empathy and openness will help you navigate it successfully.
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Answered on Jun 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 17, 2024Hindi
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Hey, I am in a relationship with my cousin who is 14 years elder than me. In 2010 we met and it is 2024 we are talking regularly without any gap, we came into a relationship in 2015 I guess. He got married to a girl in 2018 because his parents was old-age and ask him to marry, he was not mentally prepared for the married but somehow he had to. Now he has a baby 3 years old. He does not have any emotional connection with his wife as we are still in a relationship from 2015. We are in love deeply and we cant leave without each other. We do fight we resolve every time. As we have age-gaps we have different opinions, nothing is same between us, but still we manage to live together. We have physical relations too. We meet almost every month. He has sacrificed lots of things for me, and he is always there with emotionally, financially and morally. He is short temper person he cant even see me talking with other boys. Now i feel so worried about him thinking how he will be alive if I will marry, because it is a tough life in my life, my parents are looking a boy for me. I dont know how things will go on.
Ans: Navigating your relationship with your cousin, given its complexities, requires careful thought about your future and well-being.

Reflect on your emotional needs and future aspirations. Your relationship has been a deep and supportive connection, but it's important to evaluate if it continues to fulfill you. Consider whether you see a long-term future with your cousin, despite the challenges.

Your cousin's marriage and role as a father complicate things. Even if he feels disconnected from his wife, his responsibilities to his child and spouse are significant. Consider how your relationship impacts his family and what it means for his child’s future.

Cultural and societal norms around cousin relationships and significant age gaps can add additional pressures. Reflect on how your relationship fits within your family’s expectations and societal views.

Open communication with your cousin is crucial. Discuss your feelings, the impact on his family, and potential paths forward. Seeking guidance from a professional counselor can provide support and perspective, helping you navigate these complexities.

As your parents seek a match for you, think about your desires and how they align with your relationship. If you consider moving on, plan how to manage this transition for both you and your cousin. If you continue your relationship, address his family responsibilities and societal perceptions.

Ultimately, your decision should prioritize the well-being of all involved, including yourself. Making a choice with clear consideration of these factors will help you find a path that aligns with your values and future goals.
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Answered on Jun 12, 2024

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i am an neet aspirant in class 11th and i want to take a single room on rent for preparation because i don't want any disturbance but my family is not allowing me to do so because i am a girl and i can't live alone in the rented room. Also they are not allowing me to join hostel too and at home i can't able to focus cuz of guests gathering and in this relation , my parents said that you have endure and live at home even my home doesn't have a separate room too for me. they said that we have a joint family and you can't say someone not to come home.I don't know what its really hard for me to prepare from home in so much distractions . I don't know what to do and i am really frustrated becz of this but they are not ready to listen becz they always thought that they are always correct . they never tried to understand me
Ans: Dear Harshita
Best of luck for your exams!

Balancing your preparation for such a demanding exam like NEET with the dynamics of living in a joint family can be incredibly tough, especially when you don’t have a quiet space to focus.

Your desire to have a dedicated and peaceful study environment is completely understandable, and it's frustrating when you feel your needs aren't being acknowledged. NEET preparation requires a lot of concentration and consistency, and it’s clear you’re trying to set yourself up for success by seeking a quiet place to study.

It seems your family’s concerns are rooted in traditional views about safety and the roles of girls, which can be a difficult barrier to navigate. They want to protect you, but their protective instincts are clashing with your need for independence and a conducive study environment. It's also challenging because their stance seems inflexible, leaving you feeling unheard and unsupported.

In situations like this, it can help to approach the conversation from a place of understanding. Try to express your needs calmly and clearly, showing that you understand their concerns but also need their support to achieve your goals. Perhaps you could propose a compromise, such as finding a nearby library or study center where you can go daily, which might address their safety concerns while providing you with the quiet space you need.

Another approach could be suggesting study times at home when the house is quieter, or discussing with family members the importance of creating a study-friendly environment for you. Sometimes, explaining how critical this phase is for your future might help them see the importance of supporting your study needs.

It's also essential to manage your frustration and stress levels. Finding small moments of peace, practicing relaxation techniques, or even reaching out to friends who are supportive can provide some emotional relief.

Remember, you’re striving for something significant, and your determination is commendable. Continue to seek ways to communicate effectively with your family and look for any potential middle ground that can help you focus on your studies while respecting their concerns.
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Answered on Jun 06, 2024

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Im 23 years old girl , my boyfriend is 35 year old , my father feels i should get married to my boyfriend at 25 26 when i have job and more maturity that i can manage with an elder person.. Whereas my boyfriend is in a hurry as his age is increasing and there is societal pressure
Ans: Dear Pallavi
Navigating your father's and boyfriend's differing opinions about marriage is challenging. It's crucial to consider your own readiness, goals, and feelings.

At 23, personal growth and career development are important. Reflect on whether you're ready for marriage now or if you'd benefit from a few more years to mature and establish your career. Your father wants you to be stable and mature enough to handle a relationship with someone older, which is a valid concern. Your boyfriend, at 35, feels societal pressure to marry soon, which is also understandable.

Have open conversations with both. Explain to your father that you understand his concerns and value his perspective. Share your feelings about your relationship and your readiness for marriage. Communicate with your boyfriend about your need for time and suggest a compromise or timeline that respects both your needs and his concerns.

Consider an engagement period as a middle ground, giving you both a sense of commitment without immediate marriage pressure. Seeking advice from a relationship counselor could also help navigate these discussions.

Ultimately, the decision should be based on your readiness and mutual agreement, not external pressures. Ensure you feel confident and prepared for marriage, fostering a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
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Answered on Jun 06, 2024

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It's been a year since I am married. Till now I used to give all of my salary to my mother, but after birth of of my child my wife is insisting me on not to give any money to my mother.now my mother is overeating and causing so much trouble for me and my wife, what I can do to solve this?
Ans: Dear Ganesh,
acknowledge that both your wife and your mother have valid concerns. Your wife is likely focused on ensuring that your new family has the financial support it needs, especially with the added expenses that come with having a child. On the other hand, your mother may have grown accustomed to receiving your financial support and might feel anxious or threatened by the change.

Start by having an open and honest conversation with your wife. Explain your feelings and the importance of supporting both her and your mother. Emphasize that you understand her concerns and that you are committed to finding a solution that works for everyone. Discuss your household finances in detail, including your income, expenses, and savings goals, to get a clear picture of your financial situation. This transparency can help your wife see that you are considering the needs of your new family while also recognizing your mother’s situation.

Next, have a similar conversation with your mother. Gently explain the changes in your financial priorities due to the birth of your child and the needs of your new family. Assure her that you care for her well-being and want to find a way to support her that is also sustainable for your own family. Discuss potential alternatives to direct financial support, such as helping her budget more effectively, finding additional sources of income, or other forms of assistance that might ease her concerns.

It's essential to set boundaries that balance the needs of your wife, child, and mother. Consider adjusting the amount of money you give to your mother rather than stopping it altogether. You could allocate a portion of your income to support her while keeping the majority for your immediate family’s needs. This compromise can show both your wife and mother that you are committed to supporting them without neglecting your own family’s financial health.

If these conversations are difficult or if you find it hard to reach a consensus, consider seeking the help of a family counselor or financial advisor. A neutral third party can provide valuable perspective and help mediate discussions to find a solution that everyone can agree on.

Ultimately, the goal is to foster understanding and cooperation among all parties. By approaching the situation with empathy, transparency, and a willingness to compromise, you can work towards a solution that maintains harmony within your family and addresses the financial needs of both your wife and mother.
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Answered on Jun 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 26, 2024Hindi
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We got married in 2011 our marriage was not love but also not arranged... it was our both second marriage... I was very much clear about my past marriage & my life with my wife. I hoped that she was clear about hers, we shifted to our own house after 3 years of marriage along with our son. But within 6 months of shifting her friend visited her & she went to other city for vacation with our son for 15 days. Till now everything was fine, but then everything changed she decided for further studies & build her career accordingly to which I welcomed her decision. But when she completed her further studies she started seeing or treating me lowly on various issues. I came to know that she had some past with her friend who came to visit her. First she started telling everyone as I am not highly educated we are having Financial Crisis & she has to leave home & stay in other city to earn. I work in a reputed firm & I am financially stable. After year or so she started accusing me that I am not a good father & irresponsible towards my duties towards my son. After some years she cam back to the city where we lived but shifted to other residence with the support her friend who was with her from the time she went to study. Now my son is 12 years old & I am supporting her with all financial needs, she has left me alone to stay & have cleared me that she will not come back to stay with me as everything is over. I feel cheated what can I do.
Ans: Your marriage, being both your second, likely carried with it hopes for stability and mutual support. It's commendable that you supported your wife in her decision to further her education and build her career. However, it seems that her behavior and treatment towards you changed significantly after she reconnected with her friend and pursued her studies.

The shift in her attitude, accusations, and decision to live separately must be incredibly hurtful and confusing. Feeling accused of being an inadequate father and being told you are financially unstable, despite your stable job, would naturally cause significant emotional distress. Additionally, her move to a different residence with the support of her friend and her declaration that everything is over must feel like a deep betrayal.

Given the current situation, it's important to focus on a few key areas: understanding your legal rights, seeking emotional support, and planning for the future.

First, it's crucial to understand your legal rights and responsibilities, particularly regarding your son and the financial support you're providing. Consulting with a family law attorney can help clarify your position and ensure that you're fulfilling your obligations while protecting your interests. An attorney can also provide guidance on potential steps if you choose to pursue a separation or divorce.

Emotionally, this is a very challenging time, and seeking support from a therapist or counselor can be incredibly beneficial. Professional support can help you process your feelings of betrayal, sadness, and confusion. Therapy can also provide a safe space to explore your emotions and develop strategies to cope with this difficult period.

Your son is another critical aspect of this situation. At 12 years old, he is at a sensitive age, and the changes in the family dynamic likely impact him as well. Ensuring that he feels supported and loved is crucial. Open, honest communication with him, tailored to his age and understanding, can help him navigate his feelings about the situation.

As you move forward, it's important to consider your own well-being and future. Reflect on what you need to feel supported and fulfilled. This might include setting boundaries with your wife, seeking more time with your son, or finding new ways to build your own happiness and stability.

Maintaining a focus on clear communication, legal clarity, and emotional support will help you navigate this difficult situation. It's understandable to feel cheated and hurt, but taking steps to understand your rights, seeking professional support, and planning for the future can provide a path forward. You deserve to find stability and happiness, even amidst these challenging circumstances.
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Answered on Jun 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 26, 2024Hindi
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Dear. Thanks for response. I have been working with our office counsellor for some time but need a second opinion. To update I had a joint talk with Sumit & my wife in mid-March in which they repeated the same point of being good friends & do not intend to marry & Sumit made it clear he doesn't want to remarry after his divorce. For my wife, she said if I want divorce she is open but she will not initiate. The negative outcome of this for me has been that now she openly goes around with Sumit, which before they were doing somewhat secretly, my daughter has also got the idea. Though my wife only puts very general photos in her FB, WhatsApp status like going to music shows, dressing up but Sumit puts her photos in his FB account, they barely have common friends except Sumit’s family. Even my mom-in -law is not aware of this. Sumit also buys her dresses etc which she wears to this places. Just to mention after the discussion she has started using money which tenants put in her account for many rented properties belonging to her late father in her native,( her brother who stays in USA is not interested in the property & has renounced to her ), though she has CC, google pay etc linked to accounts which I maintain for the last 17 yrs for her. Now this has put me in a difficult situation. I need to decide. I am not a sort of guy who at this stage, age will/can start a new relationship, and neither do I want. On one hand not seeking a divorce will keep the future reconciliation open. I still talk to my wife & take her advice, instruct her as I used to do before. She also discusses with me things like her family, common friends, daughter etc but she doesn't share everything that she used to before & our telephone calls are getting shorter because she just responds to whatever I ask her nothing more about herself. As I told you I have her FB messenger password when I see her conversation with Sumit other then the phone calls she makes I see lots of things she shares about herself & Sumit also replies including talks she has with me & about questions I have asked & replies she has given, they also discuss about it. My office counsellor adviced me to keep status co. what is your take? The second part is something which I am finding very difficult to explain as I had mentioned before for the last 5yrs I wanted not to stay with her due to reasons which I wrote to you in the dec but now feel very sad that she is leaving or have distanced from me. It’s a very odd feeling in the same breath I don’t want her in my life but on the other hand is sad that she is moving towards someone else. My counsellor is only asking me to be mentally strong but it is not helping do you have any other advice Previous chain Question by bappa on Dec 26, 2023Hindi Dear, I am a 44 yr old man. I have an issue for which I need some support. We are Bengalis, I am an engineer & was married in 2004. It was an arranged marriage with all those astrological compatibility etc. My wife is 5 yrs younger than me. After my marriage I found that she was very adjusting,loving & people will say that we are an ideal match even today I will also say she is the perfect wife one can have, but one thing I noticed immediately is that she is very unlucky for me. Whenever she is around there will be no success & even things that are working will go wrong. Within 1 yr of marriage, we had a daughter. When she went for delivery I got an opportunity to go to Canada, after a few months she & my daughter joined me & my project closed & I was sent back. Knowing the issue I again sent her for higher education, when she was not around, I got an opportunity to go to the USA, again when they joined me I was sent back. I can give many examples like this, many times we talked about it and met astrologers but all will say our match is perfect. We stayed in Pune. With our daughter around we continued with our family life which I will say was happy, many people will give examples of our family & ostensibly perfect partners we were. But I will tactfully avoid her in times when it was crucial like appraisal etc, & things will work. But I always felt & feared the misfortune she brings. During Covid, this avoidance could not be done & Jan 2023 I was told to leave my job by June 2023. I tried for a lot but could not get a job with her around. In May I sent her to our native & I got a job in Bengaluru. My daughter is in Class 12 in Pune so could not shift my family. In my Pune job , I had a reportee Sumit a Marathi who became somewhat like a friend or better an office tea partner. Many times at tea he would talk about his wife's misbehavior & in the discussion I would tell him how my wife behaves, but my wife had never met with Sumit. They were a childless couple & in Dec 2022 he started living separately from his wife. I being a senior never discussed any private things like family etc with him, One day in May this year out of shear frustration I told him about the bad luck my wife brings, and he responded that" many times one may bring bad luck to one person but maybe good luck to another" Before moving to Bengaluru I called him to our house for lunch since he was staying alone & was having a problem with food etc. Something in my intuition told me that he & my wife may go well, but I never told anyone. A few days later my wife told me that Sumit had sent a Facebook friend request to her & asked me if she should accept it, I said its up to her, she accepted it. My wife has a habit of sending "good morning" messages to a lot of people & I soon found she sent one to Sumit also. I had her Facebook password so could see the messenger messages also. I soon saw Sumit responding to her & they having chats. Initially, she used to tell me about the talks she is having with Sumit but now she has stopped When I moved to Bangalore in June I used to have daily calls & sometimes hot video calls also, I go to Pune every month & we used to have physical relationship but this month when I went to Pune my wife refused getting physical with the reason of she having periods, in Nov she made a purposeful fight with me so that we dont get physical. For 2 months she doesn't do the hot video calls also but regular calls are ongoing. I am in a dilemma, I am happy with my wife but she brings too much bad luck & she has understood it. If I keep quiet now I know by Dec 24 my wife will be Sumit's wife & there traits they will be very happy. But if I even now want I strongly feel that I can stop her drifting further, but I cannot decide if I should do it. Since I think that she going away from my life will stop bringing the misfortune she brings & she & Sumit will be really good partners & will be happy. But I also feel very sad about her leaving me. Please help me with how I should decide. My daughter will complete her 12th next year & I am hopeful by June next year she will be in an engg college hostel & will not be directly affected by this change of relationship. Ans: Dear Bappa, I'm sorry to hear that you're going through such a challenging situation. Deciding whether to confront your wife about her growing relationship with Sumit is undoubtedly a difficult and personal choice. It's important to approach this situation with empathy and open communication. Take some time to reflect on your own emotions and the impact your wife's actions are having on you. Consider both the positive and negative aspects of your relationship, as well as your own needs and desires. Choose an appropriate time to have an open and honest conversation with your wife. Avoid accusations and blame, but express your concerns and feelings. Discuss how her relationship with Sumit makes you feel and inquire about her perspective on your marriage Reflect on what you want for your future and whether you believe your marriage can overcome the challenges. Reflect on your own feelings about your marriage. Consider whether your concerns about bad luck and misfortune are based on tangible evidence or if there might be other factors influencing your perception. Consider the impact on your daughter and how decisions might affect her as well. While she may be heading to college soon, a separation or divorce can still affect her emotionally. Consider her well-being in any decisions you make. Sometimes, people need time for personal growth and self-discovery. This doesn't necessarily mean the end of a marriage but could lead to a stronger relationship in the future. Both partners might need to work on themselves to contribute positively to the relationship It's crucial to make decisions based on your own values, priorities, and the specific dynamics of your relationship. If needed, don't hesitate to seek support from friends, family, or professionals who can provide guidance and assistance during this challenging time. Asked on - Feb 14, 2024 | Answered on Feb 14, 2024 Dear Thanks for your quick response to my earlier query, during the last 2 months I have tried to follow your advice & have also started support from our office counsellor, I am writing to you again as some aspects I felt ashamed to discuss with the office counsellor & some to have a 2nd opinion. I had deeply thought about my expectations from my marriage & wife. In the last 6 months as I am staying separate in Bangalore, I have found much better & am much more communicative with my wife, discussing & sharing emotionally. When we stay together the continuous expectation would put both of us in a panic & irritation ultimately resulting in fights & also finally not sharing & the bad luck of seeing her face will add oil to the fire, with many of my outbursts not being very parliamentary. So I see our relationship is better if it is long-distance. I discussed this with my wife & she also agrees somewhat, but the basis of husband-wife relationship is to stay together, where we fail. Since we stayed together for 17 yrs we know each other’s problems & historical facts which no one else knows, so frankly I need a long-distance person with whom I can share emotionally, but for my wife she requires someone who is also close to her physically. One idea that I got is to let things be as it is i.e. let her stay in Pune while I stay in Bangalore & she be in a relationship with Sumit & maybe stay with him without legally separating, maybe when my daughter is having holidays, we can have short trips. This will keep the social well-being intact as people will not know as we don’t have any close relatives in Pune. But I am worried about the long-term impact will our marriage last especially what plans should I make in old age. Want your opinion & what precautions do I need to take. In the last 2 mnths, I have been to Pune 3 times for the reason of my daughters JEE for which I help her. I talked with my wife about Sumit in early Jan & she said they are good friends & they share a lot of intimate talks; she was not ready to tell me anything more than that. On asking about physical relationships she was elusive . But she said she doesn’t want to legally separate from me. I also discussed if she wants, we can have a long-distance relationship supporting each other (without naming Sumit) she did not respond. Though Sumit talks to me once in 7-10 days we never talked about his relationship with my wife, we talk about status of his divorce, old office stuffs etc. 2 weeks ago my wife told me that Sumit's parents, divorced sister who had come for a visit to Pune will be coming to our house to meet her. Later she posted some photos in her WhatsApp status for everyone it will look as if some friend had to come to visit her (everyone will think some lady friend). In mid-January in one of my old office colleagues (who is a friend with Sumit) Facebook I saw that in his son's birthday my wife is there (he doesn’t know or have seen my wife), I tactically asked him who that lady was, he said it is Sumit’s friend. Can you please help me if she is going in the same way I am thinking about the future of our relationship. The last point is something which I could not ask anyone. During my last 3 visits to Pune I had sex with my wife. I will like to tell that my wife is always (since our marriage) very passive in sex she has to be told what to do 1 by 1, (though for me it gave me some amount of pleasure command) which she will do properly & maybe sometimes do 1-2 things on her own or ask me to do. She was same this time also. I never had sex relationship with anyone else so this acts maybe in a distance timeframe gives me a lot of pleasure. I am worried what will be this relationship be if she starts staying with Sumit, what is your advice? My counsellor advised me to sit & talk with Sumit & my wife together but really, I am not seeing any reason to do it, do I need to do this joint meeting & if so, what do I need to discuss Ans: Dear Bappa, It sounds like you've put a lot of thought into your relationship and your future with your wife. It's positive that you're able to communicate more effectively when you're physically apart. However, the idea of allowing your wife to be in a relationship with Sumit while you stay in Bangalore raises several complex issues, especially concerning the long-term viability of your marriage and your plans for old age. Firstly, it's important to consider the emotional implications of such an arrangement. While it may alleviate some of the pressures and conflicts in your current relationship, it could also lead to feelings of loneliness, jealousy, or insecurity for both you and your wife. Additionally, maintaining this arrangement without legal separation could create legal and financial complications in the future, especially when it comes to issues like inheritance, healthcare, and support in old age. Regarding your concern about your wife's relationship with Sumit, it's challenging to determine the nature of their relationship based on the information you've provided. It's possible that they are just good friends, as your wife has stated, but it's also understandable that you might have doubts given the circumstances. Ultimately, trust and open communication are key in any relationship, so it might be helpful to have a candid conversation with your wife about your concerns and expectations. As for the idea of a joint meeting with your wife and Sumit, while it may provide some clarity, it's important to carefully consider the potential outcomes and whether it will truly address your concerns. It might be beneficial to seek the advice of a counselor or therapist who can help you navigate these complex emotions and decisions. In summary, it's crucial to prioritize open and honest communication with your wife, as well as seek professional guidance to ensure that any decisions you make are in the best interest of both parties involved.
Ans: This situation requires a thoughtful approach, balancing your own needs, the dynamics of your relationship, and the well-being of your family.

Firstly, it's important to acknowledge your feelings of sadness and confusion. These emotions are completely normal given the complexity of your circumstances. The mix of not wanting to stay in the relationship but also feeling hurt by your wife's apparent shift in attention is a difficult and paradoxical place to be in.

Your concerns about the potential impact of staying in the marriage or seeking a divorce are valid. It's understandable that you might feel a sense of loss and uncertainty about the future. Maintaining open lines of communication with your wife is crucial. Sharing your feelings and concerns with her, without placing blame, can help you both understand each other's perspectives better. This can be challenging, especially when emotions are high, but it can provide a clearer picture of where each of you stands.

Your wife's openness to divorce but her reluctance to initiate it suggests that she may also be uncertain about the future. It might be beneficial to explore why she feels this way and what her hopes and concerns are regarding your marriage. Understanding her perspective can help you make a more informed decision about how to proceed.

Given the circumstances, it might also be helpful to consider the long-term implications of either staying together or separating. This includes practical considerations like financial stability, property rights, and support in old age. These are important factors that will affect both of your lives, and having a clear understanding of these aspects can help you plan for the future.

Your relationship with Sumit and your wife adds another layer of complexity. While your wife claims they are just good friends, and Sumit has expressed no intention of remarrying, their close relationship understandably causes you concern. Trust and transparency are essential in addressing these issues. A joint discussion with your wife and Sumit, as advised by your counselor, could provide clarity and help set boundaries that are respectful of everyone's feelings.

Regarding your long-distance relationship, it's notable that you feel more communicative and less pressured when you are apart. This might suggest that some space could benefit your relationship, allowing both of you to reflect on what you truly want. However, this arrangement needs clear boundaries and mutual understanding to ensure it doesn't lead to more emotional distance or misunderstandings.

It's also important to consider the emotional and psychological impact on your daughter. Even if she is moving to a college hostel soon, the changes in your relationship can affect her. Open, age-appropriate communication with her about the situation can help her understand and process any changes that may occur.

Lastly, I encourage you to continue seeking professional support. A counselor or therapist can provide a safe space for you to explore your feelings, gain clarity, and develop coping strategies. This professional guidance can be invaluable in helping you navigate this challenging period.

In summary, your situation requires careful consideration and open communication. Balancing your emotional needs, the dynamics of your relationship, and the practical aspects of your future will help you make the best decision for yourself and your family. Continue to seek support and take the time you need to find the path that feels right for you.
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Answered on Jun 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 01, 2024Hindi
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Dr. Madam My son,30 yr old, is MBA and serving MNC earning 25000 pm . He shows a very awkward behaviour , rude to family members, very adamant, careless, no charm for marriage and above all shows no responsibility. He takes everything as burden, curses peoples. Always remains fearful of his looks as his beard n hairs getting gray. We consult many psychiatrist but no result. Your suggestions please.
Ans: Your son's behavior, being rude, adamant, and showing little responsibility, coupled with his fear about his appearance, suggests he might be dealing with significant underlying issues such as depression, anxiety, or another mental health condition. The fact that psychiatric consultations haven't yielded results yet indicates that his situation might be complex and in need of a more nuanced approach.

It's essential to consider that sometimes, the right combination of therapeutic methods and practitioners takes time to find. A comprehensive evaluation by a multidisciplinary team could provide fresh insights. This team might include not only psychiatrists but also psychologists and possibly other specialists who can look at his situation from various angles.

Building a strong therapeutic alliance is crucial. The effectiveness of treatment often hinges on the quality of the relationship between the patient and the therapist. Encouraging your son to continue seeking a therapist he feels comfortable with might make a significant difference. It's not uncommon for people to try several therapists before finding the right fit.

Incorporating holistic approaches can also be beneficial. Practices such as mindfulness, meditation, or yoga can help with emotional regulation and stress management. Physical activities and maintaining a healthy diet can have positive effects on mental health. These approaches, combined with professional therapy, might help your son find more balance and relief.

Support groups can be incredibly valuable as well. They provide a space where individuals can share their experiences and feel understood. Encouraging your son to connect with others who face similar challenges can offer emotional support and practical advice, which might help him feel less isolated in his struggles.

It's clear that you care deeply for your son and want the best for him. Navigating this journey requires patience, persistence, and compassion—for both him and yourself. It's important to take care of your well-being too, as supporting a loved one with mental health challenges can be exhausting and emotionally draining. Seeking support for yourself, whether through therapy, support groups, or other resources, can equip you with the strength and resilience needed to continue being there for your son.
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Answered on Jun 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 16, 2024Hindi
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Hi Mam, Is it true. if there is no child after marriage then love die in the relationship. I found around 3 to 4 couples in my relatives. who do not have child after marriage. All of them have love and affection in their relationship is very less. Even the communication between couple is very low. I know there are exceptions. but in most of the cases I found this issue. Is there any solution for this?
Ans: It's understandable to be concerned when you observe strained relationships among couples who don't have children. However, it's important to recognize that the dynamics of a relationship are influenced by a myriad of factors, and the absence of children is just one potential aspect.

In some relationships, the lack of children might indeed lead to feelings of emptiness or unfulfilled expectations, especially if having children was a significant shared goal. This can create tension and reduce communication and affection. However, it's not the absence of children itself that causes love to diminish, but rather how the couple copes with that absence and the expectations they had around it.

Every couple is unique, and their bond is shaped by their individual personalities, shared experiences, and the way they navigate challenges together. For some couples, childlessness might lead to greater intimacy and mutual support, while for others, it might highlight existing issues or unmet needs.

To address these concerns, it's helpful to focus on strengthening the foundational aspects of the relationship. Open and honest communication is crucial. Couples should discuss their feelings about not having children, acknowledge any grief or disappointment, and find ways to support each other through those emotions. Seeking the guidance of a professional counselor or therapist can also provide a safe space to explore these issues and develop healthier communication patterns.

Moreover, finding new shared goals and activities can help rekindle affection and create a sense of togetherness. Whether it's traveling, pursuing hobbies, volunteering, or investing in each other's personal growth, having mutual interests can deepen the connection and foster a stronger bond.

Ultimately, the solution lies in addressing the underlying emotional and relational needs of both partners. By focusing on building a supportive, communicative, and affectionate relationship, couples can thrive regardless of whether they have children.
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Answered on Jun 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 16, 2024Hindi
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Hi Maam, I am married man. Its been 12 years of my marriage. My marriage was never a smooth. Now, My wife has put me in critical situation. My wife has taken away all my mothers gold and kept in her bank locker without my and my mother's permission. Now, my wife have given me two options. My wife's first option is; She will keep all of my mothers gold with her and take care of my mother. Second option is, if my wife returns all of my mothers gold to my mother then she will not take care of my mother and my mother should leave my home. My mother is saying that she will leave my home if she gets all her gold. My wife's and mother's relationship was never a good. I am in a trouble situation now. Kindly advise
Ans: Navigating family conflicts, especially involving your wife and mother, can be challenging.

Firstly, initiate calm and open conversations with both your wife and your mother separately. Listen to their concerns and acknowledge their feelings. This will help you understand their perspectives and motivations better.

Once you've gathered their viewpoints, consider bringing them together for a mediated discussion. A neutral third party, such as a family counselor, can help ensure the conversation remains constructive and focused on finding a resolution.

Explore possible compromises. For example, you might suggest placing the gold in a jointly accessed safety deposit box to address security concerns while ensuring your mother feels respected.

Set clear boundaries and expectations for the future to prevent similar conflicts. Emphasize the importance of family unity and mutual respect, and encourage both parties to work towards rebuilding their relationship.

Throughout this process, take care of your own well-being. Seek support from friends, a counselor, or engage in stress-relieving activities to maintain your strength and clarity.

By approaching the situation with empathy and a focus on open communication and mutual respect, you can work towards a resolution that respects both your wife’s and your mother’s needs, fostering a more harmonious family environment.
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Answered on Jun 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 03, 2024Hindi
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Hey, I am married it's been 12 years, I have a 11 years boy. I did my masters before marriage I worked as teacher. I told my husband as well I want to work he said I can work with him in this college where he is also working. When I got married he said my degree is not eligible to work in this college that was geniune they need btech I am Bsc. So I asked I can work in other place and he said I can't. I tried hard but the answer was not all the time. I started with online classes basically working from home and I did it for 10 years. Now why I am so desperate to work? He never pays me anything he never buys anything whenever I ask he says you or your parents did give anything to me so I have nothing to give you. When this alliance came to me we asked them very clearly if they are expecting dowry. They clearly said they don't and that's the reason I married him. I am from a middle class family, and I was brought up like a happy kid. Here in my in laws home my mil drinks alcohol daily and uses very bad words. I adjusted and we shifted to other city for my husband job. Even my husband used to drink and confronted him and he reduced it mostly. Recently due to health issues he completely quit alcohol which was a god's grace. He has some medical condition where he is not actively participating in physical intimacy. He is very close to our son. They both love each other like anything. Seeing this I take every shot he gives me. But I think I am broken I wanted to fix it now I found a job and going my husband is behaving like I murdered someone and not talking and doing drama. Treats me like a maid and say do this house chores properly you can think about job later. I am a very enthusiastic person who wanted to learn now I told him very clearly that if he wants me quit job he needs to pay me. He refused and said if your can bring money from your home I will pay. I said why would I bring money and give him? So he behaves very weird and sadistic like he never wants me leave house, not atleast without telling him. He hide bike keys when he comes to some city so that I can't go anywhere. When I was working online he used to come to lunch I kept everything ready on table for him and continuing my work if I forget to keep water on table he was furious and say I should concentrate on this instead of my job when I forget something to keep he disconnects the modem and hide it so that I can't work. I am fed up and I can't hold this anymore where I am not being respected, not given financial support, no sex, no good talk, only expect to make perfect coffee, lunch ,dinner and take care of home with no dirt atall. I told him I will file divorce now he asks for forgiveness and this happened many time everytime I say I will leave he will behave like a kid even touching my feet. I am doing psychology which is one of my dream he is against that as well but now when I reading I think he is very manipulative psychopath. My boy I very much into him. I am doing my job right now. We have no vacations no outing nothing. He doesn't want to spend a penny on us. I take my boy put he doesn't accompany us. He doesn't like outings he say. What should I do? I can't leave as my boy can't get seperated. I can't live with him coz I have nothing in this relationship just explotation. He will not let me leave coz he knows he cannot live without us. And no one care about him. How to deal with him to make home happy atleast to my boy coz his toxic nature like manipulation and threatening blackmailing is effecting me and my boy I don't want my boy to go through this or learn this from him atleast. He needs to know how to treat a wife the way his father treat is not right I want to grow him into a nice gentleman not like this father. What can I do for this?
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the difficult situation you're facing. Navigating a relationship like this can be incredibly challenging, especially with a child involved. It's clear you're dedicated to creating a better environment for yourself and your son, which is an important first step.

First, it's essential to acknowledge your strengths and resilience. You've managed to pursue further education, maintain a job, and care for your son despite the significant challenges at home. Recognizing your own capabilities is crucial as you move forward.

Consider seeking professional support from a therapist or counselor. A professional can provide you with emotional support and help you develop strategies to cope with your husband's behavior. They can also assist you in building a safety plan. If you ever feel physically unsafe, having a plan in place to ensure you and your son's safety is critical. This could include knowing where you can go, such as a friend's house or a family member's home, and having important documents and essentials ready to take with you.

Additionally, it might be helpful to speak with a legal professional. Understanding your rights and options regarding your marriage and any potential separation is vital. A lawyer can guide you through the process and help you protect your interests and those of your son.

Maintaining documentation of your husband's abusive or manipulative behavior, financial control, and any incidents can be useful if you decide to take legal action. Keeping a detailed record will provide evidence that can support your case.

It's important to create a support network. Reach out to trusted friends or family members who can offer you emotional support and practical assistance. Sharing your situation with someone you trust can provide relief and help you feel less isolated.

Given your husband's behavior, setting boundaries is essential. Be firm about your decision to work and pursue your interests. Consistently reinforce your boundaries, and don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. This might provoke further resistance from your husband initially, but maintaining these boundaries is crucial for your well-being.

Communicate openly with your son about the situation in an age-appropriate manner. Reassure him that the issues between you and your husband are not his fault. Encourage him to express his feelings and let him know it's okay to feel upset or confused.

Your focus on raising your son to treat others with respect and kindness is commendable. Modeling respectful and assertive behavior yourself will be a powerful lesson for him. Ensure he understands the importance of treating others with dignity and respect, regardless of how others may act.

Finally, prioritize your own well-being. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Taking care of your mental and physical health is essential, as it will provide you with the strength and clarity needed to navigate this challenging situation.

It's a difficult journey, but by seeking support, setting boundaries, and focusing on your well-being, you can work towards creating a healthier environment for yourself and your son. Remember that you deserve respect and happiness, and taking steps towards achieving that is not only beneficial for you but also sets a positive example for your son.
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Answered on Jun 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 03, 2024Hindi
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Hi mam i am dating my bf from 10 years. He have good job. His family also very good and well settled.i told my parents about him first they say no because of different cast. But i explain them then they are ready. So i told them to meet with bf family. But every week they give reasons and in the end they cancel to meet with my bf. And they say we will get you marry to ur bf but they doesnt want to meet him and talk to him even in once not even in call. Now i am confuse i dont know what to do. My parents are not giving me any clear answer. Everyone told me they are just buying time.
Ans: It sounds like you're in a difficult situation where your parents are expressing ambiguity despite initially agreeing to your relationship. This can be very frustrating, especially when you've invested so much time and emotion into your relationship and are ready to take the next step.
First, have a calm and honest conversation with your parents. Try to understand their concerns and reservations. Ask them directly why they are hesitant to meet your boyfriend and his family. Sometimes, parents may have unspoken worries or cultural considerations that they find difficult to articulate. By understanding their perspective, you can address specific concerns rather than general resistance.

Secondly, communicate your feelings clearly. Let your parents know how important this relationship is to you and how their lack of engagement affects you. Explain that meeting your boyfriend and his family is a crucial step in solidifying your future together. Emphasize that this meeting is not just a formality but a meaningful way to blend two families and cultures.

It might also be helpful to suggest a low-pressure, informal meeting. Sometimes the idea of a formal introduction can be intimidating for parents. Suggest meeting in a casual setting, such as a family dinner at a restaurant or a small gathering at home, which might make them more comfortable and less pressured.

If your parents continue to delay without a clear reason, you may need to make a decision based on your own values and priorities. Reflect on what you want for your future and consider if your parents' hesitation is something that can be worked through with time, or if it might require you to take a stand for your own happiness.

Lastly, seek support from trusted family members or friends who understand your situation. Sometimes, having someone else advocate for you can make a difference. They might be able to mediate the conversation and provide a perspective that resonates with your parents.

Ultimately, your happiness and the future of your relationship are paramount. While it's important to respect and consider your parents' opinions, you also need to ensure that you're making decisions that align with your own values and desires. Balance patience with assertiveness, and prioritize open, honest communication both with your parents and your boyfriend.
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Answered on Jun 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 03, 2024Hindi
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Dear expert I am 52 year lady divorcee. Looking for a partner for remarriage. Whomever i meet, everything goes on well for few days or months and somehow breaks. The men feel so insecure about me and they breakup even when i talk of solutions and taking forward as life is short and we need a partner to survive. I am not able to find a man who can think better at this stage of life. If you can suggest what should be done to make them understand and most of the men look for only physical pleasure even at later part of life instead of looking for a partner in all respects. What should be done to find the right partner.
Ans: It's understandable that finding a suitable partner at this stage in life can be challenging, especially when your intentions and expectations don't align with those of the men you meet. The key to finding the right partner lies in a combination of self-awareness, clear communication, and patience.

First, it's important to ensure that you are clear about your own needs and desires. Reflect on what you're looking for in a partner beyond companionship. What values and traits are essential for you? Being clear about these aspects will help you identify potential partners who are genuinely compatible.

When you meet someone new, be upfront about your expectations early on. This doesn’t mean overwhelming them with demands, but rather having open and honest conversations about what you’re looking for in a relationship. Express that you are seeking a meaningful, long-term partnership rather than something solely based on physical attraction. This clarity can help filter out those who are not on the same page.

It’s also crucial to recognize that some men may feel insecure or uncertain for various reasons. They might have their own past experiences or fears that impact their ability to commit. While you can offer reassurance and support, remember that it’s not your responsibility to fix or change them. Focus on finding someone who is emotionally mature and ready for the kind of relationship you desire.

Building a strong connection takes time. Be patient and allow relationships to develop naturally. It’s okay if things don’t work out with some people—each experience can be a learning opportunity that brings you closer to finding the right partner.

Consider expanding your social circles and exploring new ways to meet potential partners. This could be through social events, community groups, or online dating platforms that cater to mature singles looking for serious relationships. Engaging in activities you enjoy can also help you meet like-minded individuals.

Finally, remember to stay positive and keep an open heart. It can be disheartening when relationships don’t work out, but maintaining a hopeful and optimistic outlook will make the journey more pleasant and increase your chances of finding the right partner.

By being clear about your needs, communicating effectively, and staying patient, you are more likely to attract a partner who is looking for the same deep and meaningful connection you desire.
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Answered on Jun 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 02, 2024Hindi
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Ma'am my ex is blackmailing me..that I have to came in relationship with him.. otherwise he will show photos of your to my dad..and in past he physically abused me to..that's why I broke up with him..but now he and his friends are blackmailing me..and he my family would come to know this..they will kill me ..they are so so strict ma'am..ma'am what I should do...?? Can I file a case...but for this I have to contact a ngo....that my parents can't find....ma'am can u give me any contact number of any ngo...which can help me... please ma'am
Ans: I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's really important to prioritize your safety and well-being right now.

First, try to reach out to someone you trust—a friend, a relative, or a mentor. Having someone supportive by your side can make a big difference. Sharing what you're experiencing with someone you trust can provide emotional support and help you think through your options.

You should also consider contacting the authorities. Blackmail and physical abuse are serious crimes, and the police can provide protection and take legal action against your ex. It might feel intimidating, but the authorities are there to help protect you.

Additionally, reaching out to NGOs that specialize in supporting people in abusive situations can be incredibly helpful. They can offer you legal advice, counseling, and sometimes even a safe place to stay. For instance, the National Women's Helpline (112) is available 24/7 to provide immediate support. The National Commission for Women (NCW) can also offer assistance; you can reach them visiting their website.

You deserve to feel safe and respected, and there are people and resources ready to help you through this. Remember, you're not alone. Taking these steps can help you regain control and find the support you need.
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Answered on Jun 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 02, 2024Hindi
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Dear Anu, I am married for 28 yrs. Throughout my marriage, I have felt very insecure about money. I have always tried to be independent but my husband had discouraged it. So though I earned, it wasn't much. It was enough as my pocket money, or maybe a bit more. Then when I was 46yrs old, and my husband 60, he started saying that he could no longer earn and I had to support myself. At first I was shocked and devastated, but gradually i accepted and started working hard. He also started living separately and comes home for 2-3 days, every week. I have stopped needing him emotionally and financially. But he is very inconsistent with his finances, which brings back my earlier insecurity. Also he doesn't practice what he says. Suppose we plan something and I expect that to happen, but then I find he doesn't do it. I feel very cheated. For example, we decided to rent out our garage, and he said that I could pay the electricity bill of our house with that. But then , when we get a tenant, he takes away the money. This is just a small example. Many other , big things have happened . Because of this, I feel frustrated and very dissatisfied with the relationship. But outwardly, we are a happy family. I have a son of 27yrs also. I have tried talking to him about it, but he avoids it. Inspite of telling him time and again to find something to do he refuses it. His career was also very inconsistent, and a very long story. How do I deal with him? Should I leave? I don't want to. But I really don't know what to do.
Ans: I hear the deep frustration and sense of betrayal you're experiencing. Navigating a relationship where financial security and trust are consistently undermined is incredibly challenging, especially after 28 years of marriage. Your feelings are valid, and it’s important to address them thoughtfully.

Firstly, it’s crucial to recognize and validate your own strength and resilience. Despite the obstacles, you've managed to become self-reliant and support yourself financially. This is a significant achievement and speaks to your capability and determination.

Your husband's inconsistent behavior and financial unreliability are understandably distressing. It seems that his actions have repeatedly undermined your sense of security and trust, which are foundational to any relationship. The pattern of him not following through on agreed plans, such as the example of renting out the garage, erodes trust and contributes to your frustration.

Given that he avoids discussions about these issues, it might be helpful to approach the conversation differently. Choose a calm, neutral time to express your feelings clearly and directly, focusing on how his actions impact you emotionally and financially. Use “I” statements, such as “I feel insecure and frustrated when our financial agreements are not honored,” to avoid making him feel defensive.

If he continues to avoid these conversations, consider involving a neutral third party, such as a marriage counselor. A professional can facilitate healthier communication and help both of you understand each other's perspectives better.

However, it’s also essential to evaluate your own needs and boundaries. Reflect on what you need to feel secure and fulfilled in the relationship. If these needs continue to be unmet despite your efforts to communicate and resolve the issues, you might need to consider more significant changes.

Leaving a long-term marriage is a profound decision and one that requires careful thought. You’ve mentioned that you don’t want to leave, and it’s important to explore all avenues before making such a decision. However, your well-being and happiness are paramount.

If your husband remains unwilling to change or address your concerns, you may need to create boundaries that protect your financial and emotional health. This could involve having separate finances or setting clear terms for financial decisions and responsibilities.

Ultimately, the goal is to ensure that you feel secure, respected, and valued in your relationship. It's a challenging path, but with clear communication, professional support, and self-reflection, you can navigate this difficult situation and find a resolution that honors your needs and well-being.
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Answered on Jun 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 01, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I am 40 year old female with 15y/o son. Me and my husband together earn 40L/Annum. We have a house in Bangalore. Multiple properties in home town. Built a net worth of 5 crore. 20 lakhs FD. A liability of 32k per month for home loan for next 2 years. We could able to build this from zero just because I had an on-site opportunity for couple of years and I am very good in savings, no impulse buy. We don’t have other commitments and also investment. Now, I have started investing SIPs also, but don’t have that much knowledge in MF Sometimes, I feel like I don’t want to invest anymore and enjoy my life spending. Sometimes I am scared. I have achieved more than my limit financially. I have not made much friends in this period, I have very few genuine friends. Now I don’t know how to shift the gear from hear, I do self care and also do house hold work but somewhere I am not fully content as I lack social life. My relationship with my husband also good. We do fight very often and we both disconnect from each other at that time and later we realise and we connect back. At that time my husband ignores me. I feel hurt. In office, I have a professional commitment and I do my work as per need only. Don’t want to overdo. Not interested in taking up challenging role. I do my work, have lunch and tea with known colleagues and chitchat and comeback. Please guide me how I should make my life interesting. I have a fear of loosing people. I am an introvert. I cry a lot for small things. I feel like I have anxiety, depression, loneliness.
Ans: It's wonderful to see how much you've achieved financially and professionally. Your discipline and hard work have clearly paid off. However, it's equally important to focus on your emotional and social well-being to lead a fulfilling life.

First, it's important to acknowledge and validate your feelings. It's natural to feel a mix of satisfaction and uncertainty after reaching significant milestones. Many people experience a sense of "what's next?" after achieving their goals. This is a good time to explore new areas of personal growth and fulfillment.

One area to consider is your social life. While you have a few genuine friends, expanding your social circle could bring new joy and perspectives into your life. This doesn’t mean you have to force yourself into uncomfortable social situations. Start with small steps, like joining a club or group that interests you, whether it's a book club, a fitness class, or a hobby group. Engaging in activities you enjoy can naturally lead to making new friends.

Regarding your relationship with your husband, it's common for couples to have disagreements. However, the pattern of disconnecting and reconnecting might benefit from more effective communication strategies. Consider setting aside time to talk openly about your feelings and needs when you're both calm. Couples therapy can also provide a safe space to improve your communication and strengthen your connection.

At work, it’s okay to not want to take on more challenging roles if you feel content with your current position. However, if you find yourself feeling unfulfilled, it might be worth exploring what aspects of your job do bring you satisfaction and how you can incorporate more of those elements into your daily routine.

Finally, your tendency to cry easily and feel anxious could be signs of underlying emotional strain. It might be helpful to speak with a therapist who can provide you with tools to manage these emotions and explore any deeper issues that might be contributing to these feelings.

Remember, it’s perfectly okay to seek help and invest time in your emotional health. Balancing your impressive financial success with personal happiness and fulfilling relationships can lead to a more holistic sense of well-being. Take small steps towards expanding your social network, improving communication with your husband, and addressing your emotional health. These changes can make a significant difference in your overall satisfaction and happiness.
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Answered on Jun 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 01, 2024Hindi
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Please keep this anonymous Sir my husband is aged 65 yrs, and i am 60 ,both are retired and get pension My husband has a younger brother and sister.Both are married and well settled..We are settled and stable My inlaws are aged 91 and 86 respectively My father inlaw is bedridden since 15 years due to a stroke and is taken.care by my mother inlaw. They are financially stable with pension and house..My husband and his sister take turns in supporting them morally physically and help My husbands brother just comes occassionally for one day and visits and returns back..He never takes any responsibility of offering any type of physical and moral support.. My husband father has made a will of equally dividing his apartment worth around 65lakh and fds worth 30 lakh equally among the 3 children..I feel this to be unfair given the effort taken by my husband to take good care of them physically, morally Kindly advice anonymous
Ans: Navigating family dynamics and inheritance issues can be challenging, especially when there's a perceived imbalance in contributions. It's understandable to feel that your husband's significant efforts in caring for his parents should be more recognized in the will.

Parents often aim for equality in their wills to avoid conflict. They might believe that dividing assets equally is fairest, even if contributions differ. Your in-laws may not fully understand the support disparity or have other reasons for their decision.

Having an open, respectful conversation with your in-laws might help them see your perspective. If that's difficult, consider a family meeting to discuss everyone's views. Consulting an estate lawyer can clarify the will's implications and explore options for change, though this could strain family relationships.

Emotionally, support your husband by acknowledging his efforts. Sometimes, the satisfaction of caregiving can outweigh financial concerns. Propose compromises like including compensation for his contributions while maintaining equal asset division. Sentimental items could also recognize his efforts.

If the situation causes stress, a therapist can help manage feelings of resentment and provide strategies for maintaining family harmony. Balancing fairness with family relationships and emotional well-being is key. Open communication, legal advice, and emotional support will help navigate this complex issue.
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