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Controlling Parents: Trapped Between Their Happiness and My Own

Kanchan Rai |628 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 28, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more

Question by Niveditha on Mar 26, 2025Hindi

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Hi ma'am my relationship with my parents r getting sour since a very long time they always want me to do everything that makes them happy and think about their happiness if I think about my happiness they will start fighting with me nd my parents never supported me for anything in my life till today my dad has always said that if she will ever think about her happiness then I'm gonna leave everything nd go nd so does my mom she also threatened me to cut ties with me even I do everything still they taunt me every day that I can't do anything in life my parents never support me they never ask me who I wanna get married to who I'll b happy with what I wanna work what is my goals ngt but it's always about them my grandmother stays 15kms away from my house she has 3 kids and all r well settled but her 2 daughters had a love marriage one to a muslim nd one to a hindu when they were about to get married my mom didn't even raised her voice or opposed that marriage her one daughter ran nd got married to her bf who is a hindu at that tym also my mom nd dad nd my grandmother didn't even say a word nd during Covid 2020 my grandmother got her 2nd daughter married with her bf who is a muslim without informing any of our relatives when I fell in love with a hindu guy my mom separated me from him and she is telling everyone to brainwash me to leave the person I love nd get married to a Christian guy when ever we go to my grandmother's house my mom always start a fight with me we went there for 3 times and all the 3 times she started fighting with me my mom always support my grandmother's children if anything happens to them she will call them 10 tyms and ask how they are when my grandmother was ill treating me my mom didn't even raise her voice nd didn't even take a stand for myself but she was watching everything as a movie is going on when I was crying after we came back to my house my mom didn't even ask me what am I going through when she was seeing me cry everyday she always support my grandmother who did bad with me if they will say not to let her work my mom will listen to her nd her daughters but she will never listen to me and my grandmother started forcing me to get married to a Christian guy nd i should also listen to her nd not to think about my happiness nd what makes me happy in life what should I do I'm completely shattered ma'am nd i don't have anyone to share my pain with even if I do they will support my parents only bcoz of all this I'm not able to concentrate on anything at all

Ans: Dear Niveditha,
Right now, your emotions are tangled in hurt, anger, and helplessness, but you are not powerless. The first thing you need to do is detach emotionally from their guilt-tripping. You cannot live your entire life trying to please people who refuse to acknowledge your needs. It’s okay to love and respect your parents, but not at the cost of losing yourself.

Start setting boundaries, even if it feels impossible at first. If they constantly taunt you, limit conversations with them. If they threaten to cut ties, remind yourself that love should not be conditional. If they refuse to support you, find strength within yourself. You are already surviving without their emotional backing, which means you are stronger than you think.

As for your relationship, you need to ask yourself—are you willing to sacrifice your happiness just to avoid family drama? If you truly love this person and see a future together, you will need to stand firm in your decision. Love requires courage, and choosing your happiness is not selfish—it’s necessary.

You are not alone in this. Many people fight similar battles with families who refuse to understand. But at the end of the day, this is your life. You deserve love, respect, and the right to make your own choices. No matter what happens, never let their words make you believe you are unworthy of happiness. Keep fighting for yourself, because you deserve it.