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Should I Be Worried About My Arranged Marriage After My Fiancee Suddenly Became Distant?

Kanchan Rai |646 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 28, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 25, 2025Hindi

Hi, I am 28 years old, about to get engaged in couple of months. It's an arranged marriage. Before that I met with the girl. At our first meeting, she was little shy and hesitant at first but still we were able to have a good conversation. However after that, as usual parents wanted an answer and without beating around the bush, we agreed. We went out once for lunch once and it was good. We got to know each other a little. But after that it's mostly chats. It's like I always start the conversation and end it. She may want to take things little slow which I respect. I am an introvert person, but at least I try to have a conversation. But even the chats feels like an interview round, she doesn't even ping me or calls me. Even I asked her if she has a boyfriend or is she happy with the marriage which she responded positively. That was a sigh of relief. Last we talked was on Valentine's day where we exchanged gifts and had some chats. But after that no more talks till now. For a month I stopped texting her as it always seems I am always eager to talk and also to check whether she will revert back, but not once in a month she called or texted me. Isn't she a little bit curious to know me? Now I feel tired to always ping her and asks her about her daily life. Maybe it seems like I am putting a lot of effort or maybe I am overthinking, but I just want to assure myself that I am taking the right decision. Sometimes I even feel if this marriage will work out or not. It's like I am taking a huge gamble on my life and letting destiny decide my faith.

Ans: A relationship, even in its early stages, should not feel like a duty. While some people do take time to open up, a complete lack of initiation from her side raises important concerns. Communication is not just about words; it’s also about effort, interest, and a willingness to connect. If she truly wanted to get to know you, even at a slow pace, there would be at least some level of curiosity or effort from her side.

It’s good that you gave space to see if she would reach out, but her silence for an entire month speaks volumes. This is not about overthinking—it’s about acknowledging your feelings and recognizing whether the emotional energy you are investing is being reciprocated. If she is this distant now, it’s fair to wonder whether this pattern will continue after marriage.

Rather than silently carrying these doubts, it would be best to have an open conversation with her. Express your feelings calmly and ask her directly about her thoughts on the relationship. It’s important to know whether she is truly interested or just going along with the marriage out of obligation. Clarity now can save you from deeper emotional struggles later.

Marriage is a lifelong commitment, and both partners should walk into it with confidence, not just because it was arranged or expected. If her response still feels indifferent or passive, you have every right to reconsider. This is your life, and you deserve a partner who values building a connection as much as you do.

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Anu Krishna |1746 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 27, 2022

Question by RR - Apr 27, 2022Hindi

Hi, Warm Greetings!! Myself Rushabh (30) and my wife (29) -- she is an adopted child as her mother passed away while giving birth to her and her sister. They are twins with a minute's gap and her father got married to another woman. Later in 2012, her stepfather died and she was living with her stepmother. We both come from middle-class families. We being prospects for marriage our families were going through multiple biodatas every week. In this process, we shortlisted each other and decided to meet in person. Initially, we both met only once where I was impressed with her personality, optimism, communication skills, her matured behaviour, and decision-making skills. Post the first meeting we told our decisions to our families. Then both the families met and they decided the next course of action, i.e., our engagement date. In July 2021 we got engaged during COVID-induced lockdown. Considering my job and the distance we lived at, we could only meet on Sundays and used to have 2 to 3 hours long phone calls every night. Either way, she barely spoke to me and made me speak all the time and I told her everything about me. As she wasn't speaking much, my family thought that she might be an introvert and a bit hesitant to talk so we ignored it. We got married in November 2021. Now, it has been 2½ months since we got married. For the first 15 - 20 days we didn't bother her and allowed her to get settled in her new life and new home. Then eventually my mom started giving her small chores, which she couldn't perform, which is fine since she has not done any chore before. But now based on her behaviour I think she does not want a change or learn anything new. Honestly, we were not aware of her behaviour with her mom, nor of management skills and, her routine at her maternal home. Her behaviour is not like any normal girl of her age. She behaves like a child and gets amused by silly and normal things. When the whole family is hanging out together she doesn’t talk at all. When we talk about general things she takes it negatively on herself, she doesn’t even eat properly, nor speak about her likes and dislikes in any aspect with even me. She never expresses herself in any way and rather takes everything negatively, which has made us more cautious and worried as to what to speak in front of her or what to tell her. So we individually (I, my mom, dad and sister) started to confront her gently and guide her in everything from scratch (like we teach a toddler) but she is not responding at all.We don't know whether she is doing this intentionally or not. On top of it when she talks to anyone apart from the 4 of us she speaks in a very mature and practical manner that no one can ever second guess her behaviour with us. Considering our ages, I am afraid that our relationship might be jeopardized because of her behaviour. She had thought multiple times to end her life or to call a meeting with all elders and get separated (she gave me an indirect hint). This is much worrisome for all of us as nobody can cope with the situation in the hand.I will be able to explain everything in much more detail if we can connect over a phone call or we can meet virtually/in-person.

Ans:

Dear RR,

This possibly could be because of being emotionally cut off at birth from her mother.

Now, I am unaware of the relationship that she shares with her stepmother and the way that she was raised.

Was that relationship where her stepmother was emotionally always available to her?

Or did she feel cut off yet again?

Maybe this feeling of being cut off repeatedly explains why she might not want to develop very strong bonds with you and your family members for the fear of losing each of you and going through that pain all over again.

That’s why she might relate better to people that she isn’t close to as she has nothing to lose.

Time for her to resolve those unresolved emotions and the drama that flows with it; better NOW than later.

Can you speak with her and have her work with a therapist? It will help as it will set her free and recreate a new bond within your marriage.

Kindly reach out on an email, if you need my expertise.

Thank you and all the best!

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