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Strict parents making me break up with my boyfriends: How can I find balance?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |587 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 14, 2025Hindi
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I have strict parents. I had a boyfriend for about 5 years, but my parents made me to break up with him because we belonged to different castes. I moved on from it somehow. and now i have another boyfriend (who is of the same caste), and he loves me truly, but now my parents are making me to lose all sort of contact with him and break up, in order to study. this has become a routine now, as soon as they get to know abt me being in a relationship, they make me breakup with the guy. and i am left to chose between the guy and my parents. what do i do?

Ans: From what you’ve shared, this isn’t just a one-time struggle. It’s a pattern where your desires and emotional connections are consistently overruled by parental control. That doesn’t just impact your relationships—it chips away at your autonomy, your confidence in making life decisions, and ultimately, your sense of self.

Let’s take a step back. It sounds like your parents operate from a space of fear, control, or perhaps even cultural conditioning—believing they know what’s “best” for you, even when that means disregarding your emotions. But here’s the truth: you are the one who has to live with the choices made in your life. Not them. You’re not doing something wrong by loving someone. You’re not “disobedient” because you want a say in your own future.

That being said, when you’ve grown up in a strict household, especially where obedience is confused with love, it can be incredibly hard to assert your independence without feeling crushing guilt or fear. But you need to ask yourself: What kind of life will I have if I continue to silence my heart to please others?

This doesn’t mean you need to make a drastic decision right away. But you do need to begin slowly reclaiming your emotional power. Start by asking: do I want to live in a way that makes others comfortable but leaves me emotionally unfulfilled? Or do I want to begin building the courage to live life on my own terms, even if it means disappointing people?

Your education is important, yes—but love and education are not mutually exclusive. Healthy relationships can actually support your growth, help you manage stress, and increase your emotional resilience. If your boyfriend is kind, supportive, and genuinely wants to see you thrive, that’s a blessing, not a burden.

One path you might consider is gradually building emotional boundaries with your parents—not out of rebellion, but from a place of self-respect. That might look like choosing not to share every personal detail with them, or gently but firmly asserting that your relationship is your private choice. It might mean seeking financial or emotional independence so that your choices aren't controlled by fear of what they’ll do or say.

It won’t be easy—but here’s the truth: choosing yourself doesn’t mean you don’t love your parents. It means you also love yourself.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1604 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 06, 2024Hindi
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hii im 18 yrs old ..my parents found out about my bf.. actually they have caught me 5 to 6 times and always told me to leave him.. and i used to leave him but after sometime we again get reunited .. my parents have snatched my phone and telling me whether to choose them or my bf.. they are telling me to live in their house according to them otherwise i should leave their house.. i love both of them so much i got my bf after lot of struggles and fights .. i dont know what should i do..my bf is also from another religion and now my parents are telling me that they will not let me study further and will take me to my hometown forever and will get me married their with someone else
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
At 18 when you are still emotionally immature and financially not yet stable, what else do you expect your parents to do?
They are doing what they think is the right thing for you to keep you safe. My suggestion would be to focus on what must matter to you most at this age; your studies...put down your goals and stick to them...
As cruel as it may seem to you that the whole world is against your association with the boy, remember that you have a life ahead of you that will give you the necessary space for such a relationship...so work towards yourself first, so that when you actually get into a relationship, you know that it is right for you!
Right now, you know that your parents may very well pull you out from studies and there goes your dreams of a better future...So, please stop being foolish and step up for yourself and do what's right for you!

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1604 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2024Hindi
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Mam i am in relationship for 9 years now..he became my boyfriend when i shifted in my new house he was my neighbour..i was in 10th when i got caught and since then my parents hate my boyfriend , i apologized to my parents then and said to have no contact with my boyfriend but 9 years down the lane ..we are totally connected and living a peaceful healthy relationship..my parents hate my boyfriend and his family to the core..my relationship with ny parents are.mixed someday they will be super nice to me , another day they will abuse me for evn small things..we have ups and down in our relationship but i love them a lott , i want to care of them in their old age..but at this point i want to talk to them about my boyfriend but seeinng that they hate him so much i am literally very very afraid that my parents will hate me to their core knowing about someone i want to marry whoom they hate soo much ..... i don't know how will they react .. i am been through physcial and verbal abuse earlier too but i don't know how much worse it can get this time..for them the girl who marry their parents choice is the best in the world..my boyfriend and i have no caste issue its just the ego issues with my parents they think karrying into that house they will never able to have good enough respect though my mother and his mother talk..but that too my mother bitch a lott about her mother for even nonsensical things..i am 24 now and preparing for government exam ...i am soo much stress knowing i have to choose between my love or my parents.....i think so even if i marry him with their superficail consent they will never be happy woth me..and can even cut contacts with me...i don't know what to do i have no elder in my house to make parents explain...mam plss show me some path
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
No where have you mentioned what your boyfriend does for a living? Could this be the reason that your parents refuse to acknowledge your relationship?
Parents want the best for their children but at times their own beliefs on love marriages etc can come in the way. Since you are an adult, it is time to actually start acting like one. My suggestion is to have a conversation with them and understand the reason for their refusal to accept your boyfriend. If it is one of society and family objection, then you know how to handle it BUT if their concern is more about his character or his job, you both need to make an effort to take away that concern so that they accept all this wholeheartedly.
Find the reason and things will become clearer as to how you must handle the situation.

All the best!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |587 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 14, 2024Hindi
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I have been in a relationship with a guy since 10th grade its been 11 years now so we decided to tell our parents his family had no issues and he is currently in canada as a music student he has even started his own event management company but its still just beginning. My parents reacted in a healthy manner but the moment they came to know about inter caste and his financial status( not upto the mark) they had straight forwardly said no with alotbof drama and foul words even. Its been 9 months now im still waiting for them to agree but they are insisting me to move on and go for arrange marriage. I on the other hand belong to business family and has never done any job. But all this while i have cane to know i cant live without my parents or my bf and definitely not get marriaed to someone else. Please help me out what to do!
Ans: First, acknowledge that this situation requires careful navigation. Your relationship has stood the test of time, and clearly, you have strong feelings for your boyfriend, especially given that you've been together for 11 years. His dedication to pursuing his dreams in Canada and building his career in music and event management is admirable, even if his financial situation isn't yet stable. What you need to assess is whether you're willing to stand by him as he grows and whether you share the same vision for the future.

On the other hand, your parents’ concerns seem to stem from their desire for you to have a secure future, especially given your family's business background. They are likely looking for someone who fits into their worldview of stability, and this has led to their reaction when they learned about the inter-caste relationship and your boyfriend’s current financial situation. Their opposition is likely based on their love for you, but the drama and foul words, while hurtful, might reflect their frustration at feeling like they're losing control over your future.

You’ve expressed that you don’t want to lose either your parents or your boyfriend, and that’s where the conflict lies. In this case, the solution isn’t simple, but it can start with communication. It might be helpful to have an open, calm conversation with your parents—not to argue or change their minds immediately, but to help them understand your feelings. Let them know how much you value their opinion, but also explain why you love your boyfriend and why you believe in his potential. Sometimes parents need time to understand that relationships aren't only about caste or financial standing, but also about trust, love, and shared dreams.

At the same time, you might need to have a serious conversation with your boyfriend about your future together, especially given that he's still in the early stages of his career. Be honest about the pressure you're feeling from your family and make sure you're both on the same page about your long-term goals, including how you might handle financial challenges.

It's also important to remember that this decision is yours to make. You are in a unique position, being part of a business family, which means that you've likely been sheltered from certain financial realities. If you do choose to marry your boyfriend, the lifestyle may not immediately match what you’re used to. But if you're confident in his ambition and in the strength of your relationship, then that’s something worth considering as part of your future.

Lastly, while it’s painful to feel like you have to choose between two important parts of your life, it’s possible to work towards a solution that doesn’t leave you with regrets. Give your parents time to see your perspective, but also recognize that their acceptance might take longer than you’d like. In the meantime, staying true to what you value most in life—whether that’s love, security, or family harmony—will guide your decision-making process.

You might also benefit from seeking guidance from a neutral third party, such as a counselor or mediator, who can help you navigate these conversations with both your parents and your boyfriend. This way, you can approach the situation with emotional clarity and respect for everyone involved, including yourself.

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4699 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on May 21, 2025

Career
Sir, I have got 87% marks in mains. Please tell me a college where I can get a branch.
Ans: Aditi, Here is, How to Predict Your Chances of Admission into NIT or IIIT or GFTI After JEE Main/Advanced Results – A Step-by-Step Guide

Providing precise admission chances for each student can be challenging. Some reputed educational websites offer ‘College Predictor’ tools where you can check possible college options based on your percentile, category, and preferences. However, for a more accurate understanding, here’s a simple yet effective 9-step method using JoSAA’s past-year opening and closing ranks. This approach gives you a fair estimate (though not 100% exact) of your admission chances based on the previous year’s data.

Step-by-Step Guide to Check Your Admission Chances Using JoSAA Data
Step 1: Collect Your Key Details
Before starting, note down the following details:

Your JEE Main percentile
Your category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
List of at least 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
Step 3: Select the Round Number
JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
If you are open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
Step 6: Select Your Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
Enter the branches you are interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories.
Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in.
This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
Step 9: Adjust Your Expectations on a Safer Side
Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
Example Calculation:
If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.
Follow this approach for Other State candidates and different categories.
Pro Tip: Adjust your expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

Can This Method Be Used for JEE April & JEE Advanced?
Yes! You can repeat the same steps after your April JEE Main results to refine your admission possibilities.
You can also follow a similar process for JEE Advanced cutoffs when applying for IITs.

Also, please have some other back-up options instead of relying only on JEE/JoSAA/NITs/IIITs/GFTIs.

Want to Learn More About JoSAA Counseling?
If you want detailed insights on JoSAA counseling, engineering entrance exams, preparation strategies, and engineering career options, check out EduJob360’s 180+ YouTube videos on this topic!

Hope this guide helps! All the best for your admissions and a bright future!

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