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Kanchan Rai |646 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 23, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more

Asked by Anonymous - May 21, 2025

Hello Ma'am I am in a love with a married man and I love him immensely but the now the situation is he told me that he loves me a lot and he is ready to leave his wife but now he is telling me that he can't leave his wife because it is impossible for him to take this step. So in that case should I wait for him. Or not . And also I am a Bengali women and belongs to jatt community.. Do ans me

Ans: It’s important to begin with honesty—both with yourself and with what he has shown you through his actions. While he may have once said he would leave his wife, he has now clearly stated that he cannot take that step. That shift in his stance is not just hesitation—it is a boundary he has chosen, one that may not change despite how strong the emotional connection between you may feel. His inability to move forward isn’t just about his circumstances; it’s a reflection of where his commitments lie, and it leaves you emotionally stranded in a space that is neither fully committed nor completely free.

Waiting for someone who says they cannot take action means putting your life—and your ability to find happiness and stability—on hold. Ask yourself: what are you truly waiting for? Hope? A promise he might never fulfill? Or are you waiting because the pain of letting go feels greater than the pain of staying in uncertainty?

You deserve to be with someone who chooses you fully, without delay or hesitation. Someone who can build a life with you, not just speak about a love that lives in a future that never arrives. The hardest thing to do in love is to walk away from someone we deeply care for—but sometimes that is the very act of self-respect and self-love we need to grow and truly heal.

You are not wrong for loving him. But ask yourself now—do you want to keep loving someone who has told you he cannot be yours? Or do you want to start the difficult but empowering journey of making space for someone who truly can?

The answer lies not in waiting for him to change, but in deciding what you deserve—and then standing by it.

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Anu Krishna |1746 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 13, 2022

Question by VG - Apr 13, 2022Hindi

Hi Anu, my story is quite big. I am 43 and I love a man of my caste who is 52. He is not married and my father had showed me his profile in 2006 for marriage. Those days I was not interested in marriage and so I rejected him. I saw his profile in March 2019 in matrimony and sent him interest and he gave me a reply. I fell in love with his profile in 2020 and further gave him reply on his mobile. I went to see him in Pune in 2020 October. Since then we have only been chatting on WhatsApp. When I asked for commitment in Feb 2021, he said his sister is not keeping well. Then he lost his father in August 2021. Earlier in 2020 he used to call me and we used to talk for hours. It all stopped in 2021 February when his sister fell sick. Now I stopped messaging him but he still keeps sending me some or other forwards. He says he wants to marry me (He said this Jan last year when I asked him if he is interested in marriage) but this year has been tough. I am really fed up of the delay. I still love him very much. He is very intelligent and professionally qualified and has good hobbies -- he is a Himalayan trekker and has sent me pics of his trek. He also encourages me to do many things but I am bored of the delay. Should I trust him and wait for him?

Ans:

Dear VG,

It looks likely that when you sent him your interest request, your feelings were from 2006. But hey, everyone has grown older and wiser since then.

Also, to expect him to have the same level of interest that you have, isn’t wise as he has led a different life to yours.

What happens is when we start our lives together when we are younger, we merge on a lot of ideals and thoughts.

When the same marriage/companionship/relationship happens when we are older, having had separate experiences and a different life, we might not have much in common in terms of thoughts and way of being in life.

Given that, have an honest chat with him face to face, and express what you want out of this connection.

Give him time to process his own life, his needs, his wants, his priorities and then get back to you.

If he is clearly not into this, no point waiting for him and tugging at your heart strings.

So the only way that I feel is to have a mature face to face talk where both of you have space to be assertive and communicate boldly. It will help both of you to decide what’s best.

All the best!

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Anu Krishna |1746 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 25, 2023