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What can I do if my partner shuts down during arguments?

Kanchan Rai |596 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 07, 2025Hindi

Relationship

My partner and I have a problem. Whenever we argue, I feel the need to talk it through immediately, but my partner shuts down completely and goes silent for hours, sometimes days. It leaves me feeling anxious and ignored. How do I deal with this without feeling like I am the only one trying?

Ans: Have a calm, non-conflict conversation about the issue outside of a fight. Explain to your partner how their silence affects you—not by blaming, but by expressing how it makes you feel. For example, “When we argue and you go silent, I feel anxious and alone. It makes me feel like I’m the only one trying, even though I know that might not be true.” Keep it about your feelings, not their faults.

Ask them what they feel in those moments—do they need space to think? Do they feel overwhelmed? Are they afraid things will escalate? Try to genuinely understand their side too.

Together, you can come up with a “pause plan”—a middle ground. Maybe your partner can say something like, “I need an hour to clear my head, but I promise we’ll talk after that.” That way, you get the reassurance that the issue won’t be ignored forever, and they get the breathing room they need.

Also, remind yourselves that you’re on the same team. The goal isn’t to win the argument—it’s to understand each other better and reconnect.

You’re not the only one trying—it just feels that way because your emotional needs are different. With communication, empathy, and small agreements about how to handle conflict, this doesn’t have to stay a painful pattern. You're already doing the brave thing by reflecting and wanting to improve this—see if you can invite your partner into that same space of honesty and growth.

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Question by Prakriti - Mar 23, 2023Hindi

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How can i improve my communication with my partner

Ans: Dear Prakriti,

The first step to improving your relationship is putting in the effort, and I am glad to see you are doing so. A healthy relationship runs on proper communication and there are many ways to do it. For starters, while discussing something important with your partner, set aside all things that can take away your concentration from it; for instance, keep your phone at a distance, turn off the TV, etc.

Here are some more ideas:

• During a conflict (conflict is also communication) think before you speak. Don't randomly assign blames because that won't get the discussion anywhere productive, but rather heat it up further.
• Be clear about what you want to talk about; beating around the bush will lead to more confusion. If you want to convey something, be accurate and straightforward about it; it helps leave nothing to assumptions.
• I statements are better than you statements. For instance, "I feel sad when you speak to me in this tone" sounds much better and calmer than, "You always make me feel sad with your tone." It successfully steers the conversation from turning into a blame game.
• Say sorry and thank you when it's due.

Another important part of communication is paying attention and listening intently to what your partner has to say. We often speak our piece and barely lend an ear when it's the other person's turn. Make sure to hear them out for better communication. And don't just talk about negative feelings; communicate the positive ones too.

Hope this helps.

Best Wishes!

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Asked by Anonymous - Jul 09, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hi, I am a 27-year-old male living in Gurugram, in a 28-month relationship (25 months long distance - she lives in southern India). Lately, we've been fighting a lot, and she recently said she doesn't feel loved, happy, or supported. She's having a tough time at work, where her boss said she might lose her job in 6 months, and is facing family issues. She says I'm not supportive, which causes our fights. I'm trying my best to be there for her, but she thinks I'm not putting in effort, triggering fights and making me react badly. During fights, she gives me the silent treatment for 2-3 days, and everything gets blamed on me. This silent treatment is intolerable and eats me up. I know she loves me, and I love her, but it's becoming very difficult to deal with. Can you please help me as I'm at a breaking point?

Ans: Maturity, patience in abundance is required in a long distance relationship. She seems to be in an insecure place. She has been given 6 months to shape up at her job, that is a long time - if the work place is toxic, she needs to start looking out as it can take 4-5 months to find a new job. You said she is facing challenges at home too. Please ask her specifically what support she seeks from you vs telling you that you are not supportive or dont understand her - you cannot till she spells out what she wants. Once she does, see where you can support. All the best.

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Asked by Anonymous - Dec 06, 2024Hindi

Relationship

I’m in a 3-year-long relationship with my girlfriend. While I love my partner, we’ve started arguing a lot over small things. I’m worried this is a sign of deeper issues that I am not able to understand. How can I improve our communication and strengthen our bond?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Every long-term relationship goes through this phase. Don't overthink this. When you find yourselves getting into a fight, take a pause and give each other some space. For instance, if you see that a phone conversation is slowly building up to a conflict, hang up for 15 to 30 minutes. Take some time to think- sometimes that is enough for us to realize that our partner is not really being unreasonable or their point isn't exactly wrong. It's easy for people to be defensive at the moment. This small pause can help calm things down and revisit the conversation with a more problem-solving mindset.

Hope this helps.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 11, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Whenever I argue with my partner, it quickly escalates into something bigger than it should be. I don't express how much I love them, but I feel like our communication is breaking down. How can I improve this situation?

Ans: It’s clear that you deeply care about your partner and the health of your relationship, but recurring arguments and a lack of expressed love are creating a disconnect. To nurture love and clarity in your communication, it’s essential to create an emotional space where both of you feel safe, valued, and understood—even during disagreements.

When arguments arise, they often escalate because emotions are heightened, and both people feel the need to defend their perspective. To shift this dynamic, start by focusing on emotional regulation in those moments. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that you’re both on the same team, even if you see things differently. This small pause can prevent reactive words or actions that might escalate the conflict further.

Outside of conflicts, consider the daily emotional climate of your relationship. If love isn’t being expressed regularly, your partner may feel insecure or disconnected, which can intensify disagreements. Begin to nurture love by weaving simple but heartfelt expressions of care into your everyday interactions. This might be as simple as saying, “I appreciate you,” giving a warm hug, or acknowledging something they did, however small. These gestures build emotional reserves that make handling tough conversations easier because they remind both of you of the underlying bond.

When it comes to communication, try reframing the way you approach disagreements. Speak from your feelings rather than placing blame. For instance, instead of saying, “You’re not listening to me,” try, “I feel unheard, and it’s making me frustrated.” This subtle but powerful shift fosters understanding rather than defensiveness. Equally important is listening with an open mind. Practice reflecting back what your partner shares to show you’re truly hearing them. For example, “I hear that you’re upset because you feel I didn’t prioritize you—am I understanding that correctly?”

Love is nurtured in the moments between conflicts—through trust, small acts of kindness, and consistent emotional support. Reflect on what makes your partner feel loved and cherished, and intentionally incorporate those actions into your daily life. At the same time, share what you need emotionally so they understand how to nurture you too. This mutual exchange strengthens your connection and creates a deeper sense of partnership.

Finally, consider having a calm, heartfelt conversation about how you both want to handle conflicts and express love moving forward. Creating shared goals for your relationship can bring clarity and purpose, helping you both feel aligned. By approaching your relationship with patience, empathy, and intentional care, you can not only resolve current challenges but also nurture a love that feels steady, secure, and fulfilling.

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Asked by Anonymous - May 25, 2025

Career

With 96.85%ile in jee mains general up female is drop a advisable option considering not feels like given 100% effort

Ans: You qualify for JoSAA and will get decent options, but not top NIT/IIIT CSE. Dropping is a personal decision: choose it only if you are highly motivated, can commit to a disciplined study plan, and believe you can improve your percentile. Otherwise, consider the good options you already have and move forward with your engineering journey. I suggest you to choose the best college (private/Govt. through JoSAA) instead of a drop. Here is, How to Predict Your Chances of Admission into NIT or IIIT or GFTI After JEE Main/Advanced Results – A Step-by-Step Guide

Providing precise admission chances for each student can be challenging. Some reputed educational websites offer ‘College Predictor’ tools where you can check possible college options based on your percentile, category, and preferences. However, for a more accurate understanding, here’s a simple yet effective 9-step method using JoSAA’s past-year opening and closing ranks. This approach gives you a fair estimate (though not 100% exact) of your admission chances based on the previous year’s data.

Step-by-Step Guide to Check Your Admission Chances Using JoSAA Data
Step 1: Collect Your Key Details
Before starting, note down the following details:

Your JEE Main percentile
Your category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
List of at least 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
Step 3: Select the Round Number
JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
If you are open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
Step 6: Select Your Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
Enter the branches you are interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories.
Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in.
This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
Step 9: Adjust Your Expectations on a Safer Side
Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
Example Calculation:
If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.
Follow this approach for Other State candidates and different categories.
Pro Tip: Adjust your expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

Can This Method Be Used for JEE April & JEE Advanced?
Yes! You can repeat the same steps after your April JEE Main results to refine your admission possibilities.
You can also follow a similar process for JEE Advanced cutoffs when applying for IITs.

Have some other options also as back-ups instead of relying only on JEE/JoSAA.

Want to Learn More About JoSAA Counseling?
If you want detailed insights on JoSAA counseling, engineering entrance exams, preparation strategies, and engineering career options, check out EduJob360’s 180+ YouTube videos on this topic!

Hope this guide helps! All the best for your admission and a bright future!

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Question by Nishchay - May 25, 2025

Career

Sir i got 95 percentile in jee mains so will i clear the cutoff for rru and nfsu for btech branch?

Ans: Hello Nishchay
Strong chances for RRU or NFSU.
Best of luck.
Follow me if you like the reply. Thanks
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Asked by Anonymous - May 25, 2025

Career

Jee main rank 44000

Ans: With a JEE Main rank of 44,000, you have a good chance of getting into several NITs (National Institutes of Technology), IIITs (Indian Institutes of Information Technology), and some government and private engineering colleges. However, the specific colleges you can get into depend on your category, home state, and the specific courses you are interested in.

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Question by Prakash - May 25, 2025

Career

My son's mark in 12th cbse maths 99, chemistry 95 and physics 91, he also got a rank of 508 in kcet and 15368 crl, 3688 obcncl in jee, please suggest choose better college and branch. He is open to any branch

Ans: Prakash Sir, prefer getting admission into any one of the top 3 colleges of Bengaluru through KCET i.e. RVCE, BMSCE & MSRIT for preferred branches such as CSE, ECE or Mechanical or any other Branch your son is much intgerested in. Have JEE/JoSAA as a back-up. Here is, How to Predict Your Son's Chances of Admission into NIT or IIIT or GFTI After JEE Main/Advanced Results – A Step-by-Step Guide

Providing precise admission chances for each student can be challenging. Some reputed educational websites offer ‘College Predictor’ tools where you can check possible college options based on your percentile, category, and preferences. However, for a more accurate understanding, here’s a simple yet effective 9-step method using JoSAA’s past-year opening and closing ranks. This approach gives you a fair estimate (though not 100% exact) of your admission chances based on the previous year’s data.

Step-by-Step Guide to Check Your Son's Admission Chances Using JoSAA Data
Step 1: Collect Your Key Details
Before starting, note down the following details:

Your JEE Main percentile
Your category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
List of at least 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
Step 3: Select the Round Number
JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
If you are open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
Step 6: Select Your Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
Enter the branches you are interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories.
Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in.
This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
Step 9: Adjust Your Expectations on a Safer Side
Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
Example Calculation:
If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.
Follow this approach for Other State candidates and different categories.
Pro Tip: Adjust your expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

Can This Method Be Used for JEE April & JEE Advanced?
Yes! You can repeat the same steps after your April JEE Main results to refine your admission possibilities.
You can also follow a similar process for JEE Advanced cutoffs when applying for IITs.

Have some other options also as back-ups instead of relying only on JEE/JoSAA.

Want to Learn More About JoSAA Counseling?
If you want detailed insights on JoSAA counseling, engineering entrance exams, preparation strategies, and engineering career options, check out EduJob360’s 180+ YouTube videos on this topic!

Hope this guide helps! All the best for your son's admission and a bright future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know more on 'Careers | Health | Money | Relationships'.

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Asked by Anonymous - May 25, 2025

Career

I have PES university rank in 3213 in jun 7 starting councilling & I have also got vit vellore CSE AI &Data engeneering which choose in sir VIT or PES please advice Sir

Ans: Choosing between VIT and PES depends on your priorities. If you value a strong computer science focus, good placements, and a vibrant Bangalore campus, PES University is a strong contender. If you prefer a highly-ranked, overall strong engineering program with a good reputation, VIT Vellore is a good choice, especially for core engineering branches.

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MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on May 25, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 24, 2025

Career

My daughter got 117 marks in MET and 8% in boards. Any chance of getting any branch in manipal main campus or Bangalore?

Ans: Hello dear
Chances are fewer. Yet keep close eye on counseling process. It is better to explore more options.
Best of luck.
Follow me if you like the reply. Thanks
Radheshyam

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Asked by Anonymous - May 24, 2025

Career

Should i take ece in top college of comedk or cse at vit bhopal

Ans: Hello dear.
Prefer top college for ECE via COMEDK if possible.
Best of luck.
Follow me if you like the reply. Thanks
Radheshyam

Prof Suvasish Mukhopadhyay |875 Answers |Ask -Follow

Career Counsellor - Answered on May 25, 2025

Question by sanam - May 25, 2025

Career

Sir, I got 155 marks in MET and 92% in boards, will I get CSE at MIT manipal.

Ans: With 155 marks in MET, you have a good chance of getting into CSE at MIT Manipal, but it's not guaranteed. Aiming for 150+ is generally considered a safe score for CSE in MIT Manipal. However, the actual cutoffs can vary year to year, and the competition for CSE can be intense.

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Career Counsellor - Answered on May 25, 2025

Question by Vaibhav - May 25, 2025

Career

Should I choose BIT mesra ECE, AIML or ECE in tier 2 IIITS like nagpur, una , sricity etc and should I consider EEE in nit Agartala.

Ans: Vaibhav, If you want a strong, established campus with a broad engineering and alumni experience:
BIT Mesra ECE is a solid, safe choice.

If you are more interested in tech/software roles and want modern, IT-centric exposure:
ECE at IIIT Sricity or Una is preferable, with Sricity having a slight edge due to industry engagement.

If you want a core electrical engineering focus and value the NIT brand:
EEE at NIT Agartala is reasonable, but placements are more core-sector oriented. All the best for your admission and a bright future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know more on 'Careers | Health | Money | Relationships'.

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Career Counsellor - Answered on May 25, 2025

Question by Lakshmi - May 25, 2025

Career

Sir which course in VIT should I choose M.Tech integrated Software Engineering(Cat 5) or B.Tech CSC Cyber Physical Systems(Cat 5). Which has more scope and career opportunities.

Ans: Both the M.Tech Integrated Software Engineering (Cat 5) and B.Tech CSC Cyber Physical Systems (Cat 5) programs at VIT offer distinct career paths, but the M.Tech often leads to more specialized and potentially higher-paying roles. The M.Tech, with its focus on advanced software engineering, can provide a competitive edge for research and development roles or positions requiring in-depth technical knowledge. B.Tech in Cyber Physical Systems prepares students for careers involving the intersection of computer science and engineering, such as automation and robotics.

See more questions »

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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