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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |646 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 10, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 28, 2025
Relationship

My elder brother got married of his own choice past 12 years ago regardless the parents decision and lived by himself, he has two sons aged 10 and 5, after a recent scenario between him and his wife, they both are not into good terms since 8 months which is impacting on the kids and their upbringing. My brother is a field relationship manager in a real estate company and earning his bits, struggling with life and work. He has no financial and family support..as a younger brother I listen to all his struggle and troubles and advice him accordingly. All of these things are draining my mental and physical health . I myself struggling as a lawyer having my mom dad and grandmother with their health issues ..I am not able to make a firm decision on the scenario, should my brother and his wife get seperated? If yes please explain.

Ans: Your brother and his wife have been in conflict for eight months, and the tension is harming the children — that’s the most concerning part. You can offer support, but only they can decide whether this marriage still has life in it or if it’s better for everyone — especially the children — to grow in two calmer homes than one violent or unhappy one.

The only responsible way to move forward is to encourage them to seek professional help — through marriage counselling, family therapy, or at least structured mediation. If after that, they still can't communicate or co-parent peacefully, then separation may be the healthiest path, not just for them, but for the kids and for you.

You, on the other hand, need to draw a boundary. Listening doesn’t mean absorbing. Supporting doesn’t mean sacrificing your own well-being. You’re already managing aging parents, your own legal career, and life’s pressures — this is too much to bear alone. Let your brother know lovingly that you care, but he needs to begin taking decisive steps toward either mending or ending this — and get professional input.

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I am happily man and 56 with two sisters and one brother and Maa, some how my mother, brother and sisters are extremely devouted to their respective family and highly gentle and have high family values. Likewise even my wife is extremely hardworking lecturer for 25 years and devouted wife and even my son is very sensible young advocate. We care and respect one another very much. Now the problem is my younger sister's husband has taken a big loan of Rs. 60 lakh and had a big business loss due to demonitisation followed by extended lockdown, due to which he is unable to pay loan though he has many shared land assets which he is unable to sell. The loan was taken by mortgaging their three bhk flat in which they live. Now, I have around 48 lakhs to help his out of the load default but my wife opposes this because i got this Rs. 48 lakhs by selling our other unoccupied house. I understand my wife's opinion and also that of my younger sister's condition. Like wise my other siblings have also not been successful money wise in life despite having been very educated. Problem is they all got stuck in life due to high moral values and could not learn ways of the world. My dilemma is whether to help my younger sister's husband out of his problems or not and also my affection for my siblings annoys my wife though she is also very respectful to them and says, they all need to learn we can not support them in their struggles beyond a limit as we are also going to retire. How do is sort this out?
Ans: It's understandable that you are facing a difficult situation and feeling torn between helping your younger sister's husband and respecting your wife's opinion. Here are some suggestions that might help you sort this out:

Consider the impact on your own financial future: It's important to consider your own financial situation and retirement plans before deciding to help your sister's husband. You should also consider the impact of selling your property to help someone else, and whether that could affect your own financial stability.

Communicate with your wife: Have an open and honest conversation with your wife about your desire to help your sister's husband and understand her concerns. Try to find a compromise that works for both of you.

Set clear boundaries: It's important to set clear boundaries with your siblings about what kind of financial assistance you are willing and able to provide. You should also be clear about what kind of support you expect from them in return.

Explore other options: Consider whether there are other ways to help your sister's husband without putting your own financial future at risk. This could include helping him find a job, connecting him with resources for financial counseling or debt relief, or exploring other options for selling his assets.

Seek advice from a financial professional: If you're still unsure about what to do, consider seeking advice from a financial professional who can help you assess the risks and benefits of different options.

Ultimately, it's important to make a decision that feels right for you and your family, while also being mindful of the potential consequences.

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we had joint family almost 10 years back, we are two brothers ,mother ,father and 2 children to both brothers, I am elder brother, Problem started almost 5 years , My brother lost his temper and started heated argument and violence in family although he is introvert and hold negative thought since long back ,all family members tried to convince him to keep him positive but issue increased day by day reached to a level when father decided my family to protect and advise us to move out of joint family. afterwards also situation remains the same their and ultimately my parents also moved out of the house. We never had any communication around 2 years , but afterwards father had some critical health issue related to kidney and we informed them, Communication started with them again but father expired and again we have seen their violent face during rituals. We understand he having serious psychiatric issue but non of their family like his wife , Son is cooperating us for medication without his consensus as my brother never thought that he having any issue. I am very much worried that some day something wrong can happen as he is keeping very pity issues in mind and ready to fight always. He relation and neighbor's also he did the same and now no one is in talking terms with him.Please suggest how to handle ,is their any agency who can help us in sorting this issue. dont want to go in legal.
Ans: Hello Manish,
mental health issues can be complex, and professional guidance is crucial. Consult with mental health professionals to create a plan tailored to your family's specific situation. It's important to prioritize the safety and well-being of your family. If your brother's behavior becomes threatening or harmful, it may be necessary to maintain physical and emotional distance while encouraging him to seek help. Look for support groups or organizations that specialize in helping families dealing with mental health issues. They can provide guidance, resources, and a network of people who have faced similar challenges. Consider arranging a family intervention, facilitated by a mental health professional, where you can express your concerns about your brother's behavior and encourage him to seek help. It's important to approach this with empathy and understanding. while you mentioned that you don't want to go the legal route, in extreme cases, you may need to consider legal options like obtaining a court order for involuntary psychiatric evaluation. This should be considered as a last resort and only if your brother poses a serious threat to himself or others.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 31, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 28, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi Madam, I am seeking your advice regarding my brother’s situation, as our family is going through a very difficult time. My brother was in a relationship with a girl who is 14 years younger than him. Their relationship began when the girl was very young — possibly in her early teens, around the time she was studying in 8th standard. What seemed like an early-age attraction eventually continued for more than 10 years. The girl’s family was aware of their relationship, but our family came to know about it only later. After nearly a decade of being together, my brother told us that he wanted to marry her. This came as a shock to us, and initially, our family (my parents, my sister, and I) did not agree to the marriage due to several reasons — including the significant age gap and the emotional immaturity that often comes with such early relationships. For two years, we tried to convince him to reconsider his decision, but he was determined to go ahead. Eventually, we accepted his choice, and the marriage took place. Unfortunately, after the wedding, they never lived together — not even for a single day. Soon after the marriage, the girl left to prepare for exams for about eight months. Over time, she completed her master’s degree and seemed to have developed a new perspective on life. Later, she informed him that she no longer wished to continue the marriage, saying she had lost her feelings for him and wanted a divorce. My brother still loves her deeply and wishes to continue the relationship. He is even ready to accept all her conditions, including her desire to work. However, the girl remains firm on her decision to end the marriage. Both families have now consulted lawyers, and while the girl’s family is pressing for a divorce, my brother continues to hope that she will change her mind and return. He is now 39 years old, and our family is very concerned about his emotional and mental well-being. He has become withdrawn, unable to move on, and still lives in the hope of reconciliation. Our aged parents are deeply distressed, seeing him suffer and unwilling to accept reality. We sincerely seek your guidance on how we can help him let go of the past, accept the situation, and rebuild his life with peace and positivity. Thank you for your time and advice.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You cannot convince someone who does not want to be convinced. Surround him with a lot of love and let him live with you all if that is possible; that way he will not be alone and coping from this separation can begin.
Sadly, you must let him go through the bitter truth which he wishes to avoid. He already realizes that what he wants is going to be impossible and by remaining stubborn about it, he is trying to avoid the pain. It will at some point dawn on him and he will breakdown this fake hope which will also 'break' his dreams about a life together with her.
If you want this difficult phase to be handled by a professional, please do so...right now the way it seems, he does not want to hear anything against his wife or the marriage from any of you...so, seek help if necessary.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Nayagam P

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Dec 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 12, 2025Hindi
Career
Hello, I am currently in Class 12 and preparing for JEE. I have not yet completed even 50% of the syllabus properly, but I aim to score around '110' marks. Could you suggest an effective strategy to achieve this? I know the target is relatively low, but I have category reservation, so it should be sufficient.
Ans: With category reservation (SC/ST/OBC), a score of 110 marks is absolutely achievable and realistic. Based on 2025 data, SC candidates qualified with approximately 60-65 percentile, and ST candidates with 45-55 percentile. Your target requires scoring just 37-40% marks, which is significantly lower than general category standards. This gives you a genuine advantage. Immediate Action Plan (December 2025 - January 2026): 4-5 Weeks. Week 1-2: High-Weightage Chapter Focus. Stop trying to complete the entire syllabus. Instead, focus exclusively on high-scoring chapters that carry maximum weightage: Physics (Modern Physics, Current Electricity, Work-Power-Energy, Rotation, Magnetism), Chemistry (Chemical Bonding, Thermodynamics, Coordination Compounds, Electrochemistry), and Maths (Integration, Differentiation, Vectors, 3D Geometry, Probability). These chapters alone can yield 80-100+ marks if practiced properly. Ignore topics you haven't studied yet. Week 2-3: Previous Year Questions (PYQs). Solve JEE Main PYQs from the last 10 years (2015-2025) for chapters you're studying. PYQs reveal question patterns and difficulty levels. Focus on understanding why answers are correct, not memorizing solutions. Week 3-4: Mock Tests & Error Analysis. Take 2-3 full-length mock tests weekly under timed conditions. This is crucial because mock tests build exam confidence, reveal time management weaknesses, and error analysis prevents repeated mistakes. Maintain an error notebook documenting every mistake—this becomes your revision guide. Week 4-5: Revision & Formula Consolidation. Create concise formula sheets for each subject. Spend 30 minutes daily reviewing formulas and key concepts. Avoid learning new topics entirely at this stage. Study Schedule (Daily): 7-8 Hours. Morning (5:00-7:30 AM): Physics concepts + 30 PYQs. Break (7:30-8:30 AM): Breakfast & rest. Mid-morning (8:30-11:00): Chemistry concepts + 20 PYQs. Lunch (11:00-1:00 PM): Full break. Afternoon (1:00-3:30 PM): Maths concepts + 30 PYQs. Evening (3:30-5:00 PM): Mock test or error review. Night (7:00-9:00 PM): Formula revision & weak area focus. Strategic Approach for 110 Marks: Attempt only confident questions and avoid negative marking by skipping difficult questions. Do easy questions first—in the exam, attempt all basic-level questions before attempting medium or hard ones. Focus on quality over quantity as 30 well-practiced questions beat 100 random questions. Master NCERT concepts as most JEE questions test NCERT concepts applied smartly. April 2026 Session Advantage. If January doesn't deliver desired results, April gives you a second chance with 3+ months to prepare. Use January as a practice attempt to identify weak areas, then focus intensively on those in February-March. Realistic Timeline: January 2026 target is 95-110 marks (achievable with focused 50% syllabus), while April 2026 target is 120-130 marks (with complete syllabus + experience). Your reservation benefit means you need only approximately 90-105 marks to qualify and secure admission to quality engineering colleges. Stop comparing yourself to general category cutoffs. Most Importantly: Consistency beats perfection. Study 6 focused hours daily rather than 12 distracted hours. Your 110-mark target is realistic—execute this plan with discipline. All the BEST for Your JEE 2026!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

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Dr Dipankar

Dr Dipankar Dutta  |1840 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Dec 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 12, 2025
Career
Dear Sir/Madam, I am currently a 1st year UG student studying engineering in Sairam Engineering College, But there the lack of exposure and strict academics feels so rigid and I don't like it that. It's like they don't gaf about skills but just wants us to memorize things and score a good CGPA, the only skill they want is you to memorize things and pass, there's even special class for students who don't perform well in academics and it is compulsory for them to attend or else the student and his/her parents needs to face authorities who lashes out. My question is when did engineering became something that requires good academics instead of actual learning and skill set. In sairam they provides us a coding platform in which we need to gain the required points for each semester which is ridiculous cuz most of the students here just look at the solution to code instead of actual debugging. I am passionate about engineering so I want to learn and experiment things instead of just memorizing, so I actually consider dropping out and I want to give jee a try and maybe viteee , srmjeee But i heard some people say SRM may provide exposure but not that good in placements. I may not be excellent at studies but my marks are decent. So gimme some insights about SRM and recommend me other colleges/universities which are good at exposure
Ans: First — your frustration is valid

What you are experiencing at Sairam is not engineering, it is rote-based credential production.

“When did engineering become memorizing instead of learning?”

Sadly, this shift happened decades ago in most Tier-3 private colleges in India.

About “coding platforms & points” – your observation is sharp

You are absolutely right:

Mandatory coding points → students copy solutions

Copying ≠ learning

Debugging & thinking are missing

This is pseudo-skill education — it looks modern but produces shallow engineers.

The fact that you noticed this in 1st year already puts you ahead of 80% students.

Should you DROP OUT and prepare for JEE / VITEEE / SRMJEEE?

Although VIT/SRM is better than Sairam Engineering College, but you may face the same problem. You will not face this type of problem only in some top IITs, but getting seat in those IITs will be difficult.
Instead of dropping immediately, consider:

???? Strategy:

Stay enrolled (degree security)

Reduce emotional investment in college rules

Use:

GitHub

Open-source projects

Hackathons

Internships (remote)

Hardware / software self-projects

This way:

College = formality

Learning = self-driven

Risk = minimal

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