My age was only 23 when my mother left this world. Me & my father were alone after my mother. My father was asking me for marriage, so that a girl can come in our home & manage household chores, but I wanted to focus on my career for at least 6 more years. That's why I denied. We somehow managed for 1 year after my mother left us, but after that my father couldn't wait more & started pressuring me to marriage. I was still not ready. So, my father found a girl for himself. Co-incidence was that the girl was just 1 year elder than me. My father's master plan was that he will make us pretend that it's my wife in front of the world because of his reputation. I liked the idea & the girl was also ready. Don't know how that girl was convinced to marry my father. She is from decent family. Even her parents don't know that my father is her real husband. So, my father made me married to her in front of all. We managed everything excellently from all the rituals to our relatives. We acted well. In front of the world & in papers, she was my wife, but biologically she became my step mother. They got 2 children in 6 to 8 years, but I got stuck without marriage because according to everyone I am married. Now, I am 39 now & my father also left this world last year. I am unmarried & she (step mother) is a widow. Me & her both are feeling alone in this world without a partner. My step mother suggested if she can become my real wife. We both like each other's company but I don't know if there will be any consequences in the future. Nobody will say anything because nobody knows the truth except both of us. Divorce is not a good option because there are children. What do you suggest ??

What went wrong with your first marriage maybe anybody’s guess, but there’s no judging here!

Not that, you were coerced into it; you fully know you always had the option of saying you didn’t want to marry the girl.

Yet, you went ahead convincing yourself that your family knew what they were doing for you.

The unfair financial gain that they wanted might have been a direct result of the unfair treatment from you towards their daughter.

Did that occur to you?

You say you want a life partner who will not rake up petty issues and be matured as well, don’t you feel that is what she will expect from you as well?

Since I don’t have the details, it would be unfair of me to presume anymore on this.

It was to simply turn your head towards how your old-fashioned thinking might step into your next marriage as well?

How would you feel if on the first night in your next marriage, your wife comments on your physical appearance or your performance in bed?

Are you going to walk around with a high self-esteem even after that?

Let’s now lead you to a place that can make it a beautiful experience for you…

So much has changed and I truly wish that you look at your spouse for what she can add into your life instead of harping on what she doesn’t possess?

I mean, as humans the flaws that we walk around, if it were pointed to us on a daily basis, it would depress us to a point that we may end up feeling that we are not good enough.

What I would suggest after having worked with couples over years helping them rebuild their marriages is to change your way of thinking and embrace the next person for who she is once you know your initial check boxes have been ticked that might involve matching value systems.

This helps in rooting your marriage on a strong foundation; rain or storm, the two of you will be smiling and holding hands to walk the journey together.

Wishing you a beautiful life!

Dear S,

If you have decided that divorce is the only option to consider, then yes, file for divorce legally by hiring a lawyer who has specialized in cases where the spouse is unwilling to let the divorce happen.

In short, if it’s not a mutual consent, it might drag on for years, so get a good skilled lawyer to take up your case.

On the emotional side of things, I urge you to be patient and empathetic towards your wife. With her mental health condition, she possibly has no control over her thoughts and subsequent actions are a result of an impulsive reaction.

Yes, it is unfortunate that the marriage went through a lot of low phases but do remember she is a human who is going through a challenge which is not easy to fathom by people who don’t have a mental illness.

I realise that this might be a little difficult to do, but in the long-term scheme of things, it will be a good ally as a sound and calm mind helps you through challenging times.

This point of view will help you through the divorce proceedings where you will be able to be fair and just to make sure that she is also taken care of.

All the best for a better journey ahead!