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Kanchan Rai |646 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 22, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 17, 2025Hindi

i remarried(prior widow)(39),took my daughter(14) along in this new marriage, now i hv a daughter(7) from this marriage, its been 8 years now,my husband keeps fighting on money as i am a homemaker now,as there is no one to look after, we are from different caste, thus he fights on food preparation too,we had agreed before marriage,that if his mum looks after the future kid i m willing to work, but that did not happen,he is extremely fussy about some foods and likes only few veggies or preparations,but is open when mom makes,thus he does not even take tiffin,i dont understand what should i do,he keeps on taunting on previous life,as my 1st husband was not earning,thus i used to go,now as there is no one to look after i told him,as he earns well, there is no need for me to go for a job,but he is insisting,i receive partial rent from my dads property,which i pay part rent and he pays part,he pays for food,his home loan SIP. i dont understand what is the problem,my daughter is not ready for babysitting,she gets upset.i always ask him what should i prepare today,he fights on that too, i just want to make what he likes.plz help

Ans: Your husband’s constant complaints about food, money, and your past are not just hurtful — they reflect deeper issues of control and emotional insensitivity. He is disregarding the fact that you are raising two daughters, trying to maintain harmony in the house, and even contributing part of the rent from your own limited resources. Your life before this marriage is being used against you unfairly, when in truth, that part of your journey made you stronger and more committed.

The truth is, this is no longer just about whether you work or not. It’s about feeling disrespected, dismissed, and unheard. You’ve tried to care — asking him what he’d like to eat, trying to avoid conflict, even putting aside your comfort to please him. And yet, he continues to find fault. That is not a reflection of your failure, but rather of his emotional disconnect and unwillingness to meet you halfway.

Right now, what you need most is clarity. If he insists on you working, the caregiving arrangement has to be revisited — he can’t expect you to work outside and carry all the home responsibilities without support. And more than that, he needs to recognize that partnership means sharing respect, not just finances. You can try to have a calm conversation where you tell him honestly how you’re feeling — not to blame, but to express how deeply this is affecting your emotional health and your ability to feel safe and valued in your own home.

If he’s not open to listening, you may need to consider involving a neutral third party like a family counselor. You do not have to fight this battle alone, nor should you carry the entire burden of the relationship.

You deserve more than just being tolerated — you deserve care, respect, and peace.