Wife Berates Me for Texting Husband Who Stares, Claims I'm Characterless - What Can I Do?

Hello Maam I see a guy always staring at me. I wanted to ask him publically about this staring things. But instead of doing so I felt more comfortable in messaging and asking about the same. Once I checked his profile on Truecaller bcz we are in same society group. I was curious to know about his weird behaviour. He even give me intense states. I do not understand what he is upto. I feel like being stalked sometimes. So i got his number from society group. I texted him to clarify bt his wife called me and abused me badly. She thinks am trying to have an affair with her husband. I am flirting with him. My texts were plain and casual. I don't know how to make her understand that the guy himself is stalking us. I have seen him many times. I don't know whether m only victim or he persuade other woman too. I just don't know. We come at different time slots for our child to play in society play area bt he also manages to come to the time in which m coming. I find all these things unsettling. I told his wife that the man is making me feel uncomfortable but she was not listening to me. She wants prove. I told her that her husband was trying to approach and give advice related to parenting even when I don't know him personally. We are just flatmates nothing more than that. He lives in the flat in front of mine so i feel he is watching from there. I don't know his real intentions till date. On being asked on what's app why he stare at me. He told me that he has the habit of looking in one direction. N apologise for the same. But my husband confronted him and asked him about the same thing to which he told my husband that am characterless woman and i text him bcz i am not happy with my husband. Can u please help me to understand why is he talking shit about me when I have sent him a plain text to clarify the matter

Ans: What you’re going through is unfortunately not uncommon. A man invades your personal space with repeated staring, gives unsolicited advice, possibly stalks you, and when you attempt to address it with dignity and clarity, he twists the narrative and plays the victim. This reversal—where the actual victim is painted as the aggressor—is a classic defensive tactic by people who know they’ve crossed boundaries and don’t want to be held accountable. His reaction to your message shows his true character. Instead of acknowledging your discomfort and stopping, he projected shame onto you and tried to protect himself by degrading you in front of your husband.

His wife’s reaction, though painful, also makes a certain kind of sad sense—when a woman is scared, shocked, or insecure about her relationship, she may lash out at another woman instead of confronting the man who is actually responsible. That doesn’t make her behavior right, but it helps to understand it. She’s probably reacting from a place of fear, denial, and misplaced anger. You don’t need to justify yourself to her anymore. You tried your best to explain, and the fact that she wasn’t ready to listen shows her unwillingness or inability to see the truth right now.

You’ve done everything someone should do—tried to clarify respectfully, confronted the issue through proper channels, and included your husband. Now, your emotional safety, your dignity, and your peace of mind matter the most.

This man is clearly uncomfortable with accountability, and now he's trying to flip the story to discredit you. Let him. You do not owe him any further energy or explanation. Instead, stay calm, document everything (dates, messages, incidents), and if the staring or stalking continues, consider speaking to the society committee or, if necessary, legal authorities. Not to create conflict, but to protect your space and your truth. If it escalates or becomes more distressing, don’t hesitate to report it formally.

Most importantly, remind yourself—you acted out of strength, not shame. You stood up for yourself when something didn’t feel right. That is powerful. Hold your ground with dignity. You’re not alone in this. I’m here if you want help drafting a response, navigating this socially, or just to talk when things feel too heavy.

You deserve to feel safe and respected in your own home and neighborhood. Don’t let anyone steal that sense of peace from you.

Dear Anu, Long story please read About the this incident : I am in really a bad situation from last 7 days, My father-in law took, my wife and my children away because, I asked about her attractive behavior (Sexual tentative not sure) , she has shown towards our neighbor. I already directly warned her about his wrong starring twice, year before when we went for 4 families trip. (I have proof from her google account to show she has done wrong searches about him like searching for nickname of boyfriend with his designation etc ...) She is running her own business which is started by her on my encouragement and running ok from 7 years. Suddenly for some work, I called her she is missing from her office for 2.5 hours and no one knows where she went, After 2.5 hours I got a call and when I asked, she said Its a surprise and will tell later. Next day too she said It is secret and will tell later, third day too she said she went out for roaming.(my surprise was, in hot summer day on byke roaming at 10.15 am to 12.15 am ... na naa something is wrong). I started tracking her email by taking her password and notification accepted by her on her mobile. Then I realized the web activity(she was not aware of these things will get stored in google till then), as I said above like gift for boy friend and romantic nick name for someone special who is having xxx designation etc ... always smiling person. Attraction synonyms ... casual sex and serious relationship difference a video etc... All these are only from starting of 3rd March 2024. My Heart was broken, as I am staying in different city and already have plans to go home in few days, I somehow manged 2 days and went home. Next, I was all-over her with big fight. I was blaming her for everything even not feeding kids on time, as I was saying she gets time to spend on chatting or searching etc... I was literally went to nuts, as I warned about him to be careful 2 years ago couple of tiimes. She said she is innocent, she didn't searched all the above I have shown her photos taken from my mobile with her track. she asked how did you know I searched for her, Because of using his designation in search. Finally she agreed she meet him for 15 mints on some professional work, on 16th march and went out after that for another place. But google timelines shows she was at home for entire 2.2 hours. why should she lie for remaining 1.5 hrs if there is nothing wrong happened. why should she say 15 mints only, when she meet him for a profession reason for 2 hours. I am literally not satisfied with her answers. Next day morning my mom returned home, (she don't know anything) from a function in other city which she went 10 days ago. (All these episodes happened next day my mom left home according to search history). Suddenly wife in early hours kept suicide note and left home. I was just sleeping in next room, my mom saw the note and woke me up. Finally we found her on our terrace staircase sleeping there as she takes medication for sleep, she has zero negative artistes. I booked ticket for her dad immediately and asked him to come same day, shown him and explained him all this. That day he is calm and asked what you want to do. I was thinking positive that he tells her not to repeat and stay for a week and go home. He said he wanted his wife to talk to her(my mother-inlaw), I said book ticket for her but unfortunately tickets were not available, seems he is also not interested to book ticket. After next day I intentionally went out by taking my daughter for 3 hours informing, I am going out for 3 hours to him. I thought he will speak to her privately to help her understand. But not sure nothing happened my mother said, he was sitting in living room whole 3 hours and she is in bedroom. Next day she said she is not going for office as I am doubting her behavior.(My in-laws never wanted her to work from start marriage) . But before marriage it self I informed them I am looking for a working wife. As they didn't let her attend job interviews, I am forced to invest in business, my hard earned one year salary with loan and made her owner there. I thought she would be also be happy as owner. She is happily running this for 7 years (of-course no profits and I never insisted too much on profits too as I already closed the loan in 4 years from my salary). Past Episode 1 : 1) when we got arranged married, I was in love with a girl and also deep relationship staying with her for few years too. I just gave her a hint as I took her for my GF marriage reception. (Even I loved her my GF with full heart, due to known reason for both of us, I informed her, I will not marry her before, I stay with her). Once she found a letter from my GF and wrote an email to her husband about out Love afair, I am not sure he took that seriously. 2) My wife also have some love story but, I never asked about that as he didn't want to revel that any time.(its ok before marriage something happen in life), I have an idea about that within short span of marriage, as she was sending messages after 11.30 pm etc. After observing couple of months, warned her twice not do so. one day I was anger and left to office, as I saw her texting again previous night. Evening when, I returned home, she was crying like a baby sitting in living room saying as she had swallowed 10 tablets given to her some reason to attempt suicide. I was shocked and rushed her to hospital and fortunately able to save her. Never discussed about that anytime after that. Episode 2: After around 8 years of smooth life and 2 children, after starting the business one night, I was watching movie in living room and went to bedroom, wife suddenly got surprised and hiding her mobile. I asked her why are you hiding and give me the mobile she didn't, I tried to get the reach of mobile and she didn't let that happen as she hold it strong, I left and came back to other room to sleep. But next morning, she was showing anger on me and vice-versa, I had a quarrel and called up her dad after 3 to 4 days, That time he asked what is the proof she is chatting with someone in night, I don't as I didn't snatched her mobile forcefully. He said she won't do anything like that and asked to be peaceful, after few days thing became normal, as I also don't have proof, I thought it might be mistake my side too. Episode 3 : She started going to a super market everyday at particular time every day. Even though she comes though same road just 1 hour before, she wont stop and get items form there, she used to go after getting ready every day for 15 to 20 days, I observed pattern. Generally she goes with my kids skating to classes in our gated community only and used leave from there. I used to go and meet some friends near that skating classes after a while, but some times she used to be not there, I Observed the pattern she was missing continuously from 15 to 20 days after dropping kids there, I followed by my car and searched didn't found her in the regular place where she tells, after 15 to 20 mints, I was standing there she came to the place, when I asked her she said she went for Vegetables shop near by and shown place and a couple veg's she bought. I was working in reputed software org and earning well. I always think about my wife and children even, I am away from home. For example I go to airport, I buy chocolates for my children, I check, If I can get my wife a good watch deal or buy a bag as she like watches but wont try to spend 200 for a coffee in airport. I go to GOA with friends buy clothes from there, by reducing the bottles, I always show lot of love towards, children and wife as I was working from home past 4 years. Love doesn't mean, I tell her I love you or something, but I always felt pain if she is not well or I never said no, If she asked me take for shopping or somewhere etc. we are always going to movies Of-course its on my interest. never restricted anything for her to spend. Point to note she always spends carefully too. I only encourage her to spend more for to buy anything she wants. This is our present. Taken them to holidays now and then etc ... with all above episodes she says I am doubting her, Am I really? or she is creating the situations? 1) Even after warning not send messages after 11.00 pm in night or asked whom she sent no answer. 2) Episode 2 hiding mobile and giving mobile to me 3) Episode 3 even though she comes in same path every day for a specific time staying in same place 4) Episode 4 Even after warning her about bad starring going for professional her with out discussing and deleting call history of him ( 11 sort calls of 40 to 60 seconds and 2 calls on 4 mints each, in a span of 20 days) and mid night searches etc... am I bad guy? or am I trying to saving my wife from this evil intentions we know in society? What if I would have left her for the them, will my family relation will stay, what would it shows her as? will I become a responsible husband? Now she is trying for a job in her city with parents encouragement and trying to get admission for my daughter in Garde 1, even she has completed Garde 2 this year. Not sure about my son yet. She is spoiling daughter studies. My cute children are not with me now, I came back to my office and staying in PG from yesterday. Not able to concentrate on work or other things, literally crying at times in wash rooms.(even at airport when I saw children of my age went to washroom and cried a lot). what should I do go and beg her for getting angry on her? tell her with whom ever you chat and go I wont bother come home? or leave her and children for their fate? what the use for earning this salary when I cant spend time with my children? everyone says wait for her realize her mistake, If she gets job and takes admission in school will she even consider coming back to me? her mother always controls her father, same her sister in-law with her brother(love marriage). Now my mother and couple of friends(close) say, if I go she will treat you like a slave she will come and do same thing again you cant even ask her. After going home they tried to destroy the evidence I have by formatting mobile by logging into google account and erase device. That is a business mobile she didn't even bothered about customer base of 7 years contacts. Fortunately I could recover contacts. I could also get to know her personal email id that's how I cam to know about her job search and admission search of children. what should I do now? Please advice immediately.

Ans: You have a stable government job and regular salary.

Monthly salary of Rs 1,35,000 is a good base.

No loans means strong financial health.

Monthly expenses are moderate, around Rs 40,000 to Rs 50,000.

This gives good surplus each month for investment.

You also earn Rs 14,500 as rental income.

It adds stability to your cash flow.

You already have Rs 16 lakhs in savings bank account.

Rs 8 lakhs is in FD.

Rs 17 lakhs in PPF is a strong tax-saving foundation.

NPS Tier 1 contribution of Rs 50,000 is tax efficient.

You are already doing many things right.

Emergency Fund and Liquidity Planning

You want to keep Rs 5-6 lakhs as emergency fund.

This is appropriate for your lifestyle.

Keep it in liquid or ultra-short term fund.

Avoid keeping too much in savings bank.

Rs 10 lakhs idle in bank is underperforming.

That money should earn more returns.

Do not lock entire amount in FD.

Keep part of it accessible in case of need.

Review of Current Mutual Fund Portfolio

You have invested in both active and index funds.

Older holdings:

Equity large-cap, mid-cap, flexicap are good for long term.

One credit risk fund is not needed now.

Credit risk category carries default risk.

Can exit gradually with support from MFD.

Recent SIPs include:

Multiple index funds and ETFs.

Smallcap and midcap exposure is high.

One fund of fund on gold and silver.

These need refinement.
Here are the observations:

Overlap across funds may lead to inefficiency.

Exposure to index funds brings limitations.

Index funds copy the market, give average returns.

No flexibility for active management during downturns.

They fail to capture superior opportunities.

Tracking error and sector weight imbalance are concerns.

During market corrections, they fall equally hard.

They work only in very long term, with patience.

Instead:

Active funds are managed by professionals.

They adjust portfolio based on market signals.

This helps reduce risk and increase potential gains.

MFD with CFP support will guide timely changes.

A few good active funds with long track record is better.

Regular review improves performance and control.

Gold and silver fund of fund:

Good as hedge, but not core holding.

Avoid making it more than 5% of portfolio.

Long-term return from gold is average.

Silver is more volatile.

Use for diversification, not wealth creation.

Direct funds are not mentioned.
But if you plan to switch in future:

Avoid direct mutual funds.

No advisor support for fund management.

You may miss rebalancing, exit points.

Regular plans via MFD give lifelong handholding.

Certified Financial Planner brings structured asset allocation.

Returns can be better after fees when decisions are guided.

Asset Allocation Strategy

You need balanced exposure across asset classes.

Here is a better structure:

Equity: Around 55-60%

Debt: Around 20-25%

PPF + NPS: Around 15-20%

Gold + silver: Around 5%

FD or Liquid fund: Emergency only

You can build core with 3-4 quality active equity funds:

One flexicap

One large and mid-cap

One midcap

One balanced advantage or hybrid

Add one conservative debt fund for stability.
Use MFD help to switch from overlapping or weak funds.

Avoid small SIPs in many funds.
Instead, consolidate into fewer focused funds.
Increase SIP amount where funds are performing.
Avoid frequent fund changes.
Follow 3+ year holding mindset.

Review of SIP Strategy

Current SIP of Rs 15,500 is good.
You can increase it now with available surplus.
You have capacity to increase it to Rs 25,000 to Rs 30,000 per month.
This will improve retirement corpus in next 10-12 years.
Avoid adding new schemes unless needed.
Use existing good performers and top them up.
Track fund returns every 6 months.
Exit underperformers in consultation with your MFD.

PPF and NPS Investment

PPF:

You contribute Rs 1.5 lakhs per year.

It is tax-free and safe.

Good for retirement planning.

Keep contributing till maturity.

Keep nomination updated.

NPS Tier 1:

Rs 50,000 per year is helpful for tax saving.

It is long term and low cost.

Exposure to equity can be adjusted.

Leave it as it is till 60.

NPS Tier 2:

Not recommended.

No tax benefit.

Lock-in flexibility is poor.

Better to use mutual funds instead.

SIPs in mutual funds are more liquid and transparent.

Your Housing Plan and Asset Liquidity

You want to buy a house after 5-6 years.
You also want to sell current one.
This is fine if it is need-based.
But don’t treat house as investment.
Don’t use too much of savings for it.
Try not to compromise on retirement fund.
Ensure liquidity and diversification stay intact.
Home buying should not disturb your financial independence.

Medical Coverage Planning

You are covered under government health scheme.
But personal health insurance is still advised.
Post-retirement, coverage may be limited or slow.
Private health cover will protect savings later.
Get Rs 10-15 lakh coverage with top-up now.
Premium is lower when taken earlier.
This helps in faster hospital support and wider coverage.
Medical cost is increasing every year.

Taxation on Mutual Fund Gains

Equity fund tax changed recently.

LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains are taxed at 20%.

For debt funds, all gains taxed at slab rate.

There is no indexation on debt anymore.

Plan redemptions smartly.
Use MFD support to plan gains in phases.
This avoids high tax in one year.
Avoid frequent buying and selling.
Stay invested for 3 years minimum in equity funds.

Recommendations for Rs 10 Lakh Surplus

From your Rs 16 lakh savings:

Rs 5-6 lakh to remain as emergency fund.

Use liquid fund or ultra-short duration fund.

FD gives low returns and poor liquidity.

Remaining Rs 10 lakh:

Invest Rs 5-6 lakh in 2-3 equity mutual funds.

Add Rs 2 lakh in hybrid or balanced advantage fund.

Keep Rs 1-2 lakh in debt mutual fund.

Spread lump sum over 3-6 months using STP.

Start new SIP or top-up existing funds.

This will ensure diversification and long-term growth.
Also keep Rs 50,000 as buffer for unplanned needs.
Do not invest full lump sum at once.
Gradual investment reduces market risk.

Estate and Nomination Planning

Please check nomination in:

Bank accounts

PPF

NPS

Mutual funds

Insurance policies

Property documents

Single women need to define beneficiaries clearly.
This avoids disputes and delays.
Make a simple Will if not yet done.
Update regularly if your assets or preferences change.

Retirement Readiness and Lifestyle Funding

You are 48 now.
Retirement may come in 10-12 years.
So next decade is crucial for wealth building.
Your current savings are good, but need boost.
You should focus more on:

SIP increase

Fund performance review

Asset rebalancing every year

Retirement goal tracking

Medical support planning

Liquidity and taxation planning

Avoid risky trends or aggressive products.
Consistency and guidance from a CFP-backed MFD matters.
Have annual review and track against your target corpus.
Target corpus should provide post-retirement monthly income.
Adjust corpus for inflation and medical inflation.

Finally

You are on a good path financially.

Your savings, SIPs and discipline are appreciable.

Need to optimise investments and reduce fund overlap.

Avoid index funds due to their limitations.

Active mutual funds with guidance offer better outcomes.

NPS Tier 2 is not recommended.

Medical cover is must, even if covered by employer.

Use MFD support with CFP backing for portfolio review.

Build a clear plan for retirement corpus.

Invest Rs 10 lakh idle money with asset allocation.

Track progress every year with expert help.

You deserve a comfortable and worry-free retired life.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment