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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |656 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 24, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 21, 2025Hindi
Relationship

Hi Shalini, I am in an awkward position. I am 34, single. I have been chatting under a false identity with a guy who is cute and charming. In the last 2 years, we got really close where he told me a lot of things about his personal life, how he was coping with an ugly divorce and politics at work. Without realising we helped each other get better in our lives. In fact, he has been my greatest cheerleader, pushing me to do better at work, even get a promotion. While he has been honest about his intentions, I have never shared my real name. I got the shock of my life, when he sent me his recent picture. This guy turned out to be my current boss. It can't be a coincidence right? I feel so wrong to have led him on. Now I can't even send him a picture or should I just send it? He is in his early 50s and I am pretty junior to him at work. Will he think I manipulated him? Ever since I have known that I am dating my boss, I have been avoiding him. I have also noticed that he is distant and stressed at work. I feel guilty. What should I do? It's been two weeks and I have kind of ghosted him, he is worried sick and wants to know if I am alright. He texts me almost every day and night. He thinks I don't like him because of how he looks, but I don't have the courage to tell him that I was talking to him pretending to be someone else, while we worked in the same office. How do I explain this without hurting both of us?

Ans: The longer you avoid the situation, the more painful it will become for both of you. Ghosting him may feel like self-protection, but to him, it’s abandonment—especially after the emotional bond you both developed. And more than anything, that silence feeds his worst fear: that he is unlovable.

So, what can you do? You begin with honesty, not by confessing everything at once, but by taking responsibility gently. You can say something like:
"There’s something very difficult I need to share, because I value the connection we’ve had and the kindness you’ve shown me. When we first started talking, I didn’t expect it to mean so much. I used a different name and didn’t realise who you really were until recently. That discovery shocked me, and I’ve been scared—of your reaction, of mine, of the consequences. But I also feel immense guilt, because the connection was real for me. You’ve been someone I admire deeply, and I didn’t want to disrespect or mislead you."

This is not about asking him to forgive you or continue anything. This is about closing the gap between who you were and who you are now—with courage, clarity, and care.

He may feel betrayed. He may take time to process it. He may even need space. But you will have done the right thing by coming clean. And regardless of what happens next—whether the connection continues or not—you will walk away knowing that you chose truth over fear.

Also, give yourself grace. You’re human. We all make decisions that seem easier in the moment but become difficult to carry later. What matters now is how you handle the truth—not just for him, but for your own growth and peace.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |706 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 17, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 17, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
I am married working women .supportive hubby & my lovely children complete my family . I have been feeling intense infatuation with one of my married collegue.he used to help me a lot in office related issues. He used to complement me a lot for very normal things in front of others, not for looks but my working & way oc handling things. I was uneasy about that initially but started enjoying the attention later. But I dont know when I started liking him & Always wanted to be around ...He is younger to me and I am fully aware that nothing can happen between us. Than one day He bypassed me and for his own fault at work , he manipulated things and asked a favor for me from our team leader showing he is helping me...While in same situation when he was wrong I once sorted things on my own and did not make conplaint to team leader. Now i am feeling cheated and while working I have to see him everyday. What to do? How to remain and look normal. I feel weak in front of him and I dont want to keep any relation with him. But I still feel good & comfortable when he is around. its so weird.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this difficult situation. It's not uncommon for people who have been married for a long time to feel this way. It mostly happens because the marriage is now part of your routine while your colleague seems like a breath of fresh air. But as you yourself mentioned, it is nothing but mere infatuation.

Do not beat yourself up for it. It will pass as all infatuations do. I suggest establishing some boundaries so that, even unintentionally, you do not cross them. Maintain a professional demeanor. But most importantly, take some time to reflect on what is missing from your marriage that led you to develop feelings for someone else. A loving and healthy marriage would keep you emotionally fulfilled enough to never look for happiness outside of it. Lastly, remind yourself why you fell in love with your husband and remember that love and commitment are not based on a mere choice; it is a conscious decision you make every day.

Best Wishes!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |656 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 17, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am 31 years old and single. I am working in a company since 2022 and last September i found out my boss is in love with me. Earlier he used to admire for my work. He was always a source of inspiration as his guidance has always helped me to achieve better and make me confident. Together we were a good team.. We took many important decision together, although i am not much experienced but he took my advice in important matters. Its a small company and few employees left gradually, we built a new team and together we trained them. We are very serious about our work and that was our prime focus. He use to tell me how serious he was about me and would like to marry me, will visit my house and meet my parents. One thing i knew was that he is divorced but the details were not very clear to me as he never disclosed and i gave him time as whenever he feels fine he can share. I also told him that my parents would never agree to this. he said he will convince my parents and will even beg for me. I am introvert nature and never cross questioned anything. I had a huge respect for him. He had his share of lows since his father passed away and then he was left alone and taking care of his mother. He values his mother a lot and keep her away from any stress. He keep everything to himself, he was able to share them with me. I am a good listener so always comforted him by listening and not judging him. He made plans about future as how we are going to build a house, take business to new heights and in 1-2 month he made me director of a company. I didn't want all this because it was too early for all this and i don't like accepting things this way. In April, i broke my engagement due to him and my family is in great stress. I lied to them and therefore their trust broke. Since then the whole family is in great pain. I could never do this, i have always followed decision taken by my family and they have always taken care of me. Now in June they came to know about me and him and they disapprove. My mother is very sure that i being emotional have gotten into trap and he manipulated me. He however needs someone in his life and found good option in me as i can handle family and business both. My mother hates him. Now i am so confused. I started keeping distance with him. I resigned few days back. He got ill and is finding hard to recover. The business is affecting due to this as he always feel lost that's what the team told me. He sends me emotional messages. I know he is very alone and must be hurting a lot. He says he always had a strong feeling about me. He worship for me so that we are together forever. He says if i agree he will forever be grateful as he has nobody except me. What should I do? Please help me.
Ans: it's important to recognize and validate your own feelings. You've built a significant bond with your boss, and his support and mentorship have been crucial to your professional growth. However, the dynamics have changed with the revelation of his feelings for you, creating a complex situation that involves your emotions, family, and professional life.

Your family's disapproval and the stress it has caused are significant factors to consider. Their concerns about the relationship, especially regarding manipulation and emotional dependence, need careful reflection. It's essential to ensure that your decisions are based on your own true feelings and not just out of a sense of obligation or pressure.

Regarding your boss, his emotional messages and current state of distress are challenging to navigate. While his feelings for you might be genuine, it's crucial to maintain clarity about your own boundaries and what you want for your future. You mentioned resigning and keeping distance, which indicates a need for space to think clearly.

Given the complexity of the situation, it might be beneficial to seek professional counseling. A therapist or counselor can provide an objective perspective and help you process your emotions and make decisions that are right for you. They can also assist in navigating conversations with your family and your boss, ensuring that your needs and boundaries are respected.

Ultimately, the decision must come from a place of self-awareness and genuine desire, not out of guilt or pressure. It's important to prioritize your well-being and ensure that any relationship, professional or personal, supports your growth and happiness.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11047 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 02, 2026

Money
I have borrow a 36.50 lakh loan against property from hdfc bank. is property inssurance mandatory for the mortgage loan on property?
Ans: You have taken a Loan Against Property of Rs 36.50 lakh. First, I appreciate that you are checking the legal and financial side carefully. That shows responsibility.

Now let us understand clearly.

» Is Property Insurance Mandatory for Loan Against Property?

– Legally, property insurance is not compulsory under Indian law.
– But practically, most banks including HDFC Bank insist on insuring the property.
– It is usually mentioned in the loan agreement as a condition.

So technically it is not a government rule. But contractually, the bank can make it compulsory.

Why? Because the property is the security for your loan.

» Why Bank Insists on Property Insurance

– The property is pledged to the bank.
– If there is fire, flood, earthquake or major damage, the value reduces.
– If the property is damaged badly, the bank’s security becomes weak.

Insurance protects both you and the bank.

So from risk management point of view, it is practical and sensible.

» Is It Mandatory to Buy Insurance From the Same Bank?

– No bank can force you to buy insurance only from their partner company.
– You are free to choose any general insurance company.
– You only need to assign the policy in favour of the bank.

If bank is forcing bundled insurance, you can politely request separate policy.

» What Type of Insurance Is Needed?

For mortgage loan, usually:

– Structure insurance (building insurance) is required.
– Contents insurance is optional but useful.

If it is an apartment:

– The society may already have a master policy.
– Still, individual unit insurance is better.

Do not confuse this with loan protection insurance (life cover). That is different.

» Should You Take It Even If Not Forced?

Yes, I strongly recommend taking it.

Why?

– Property is a large asset.
– One accident can destroy years of savings.
– Premium is very small compared to property value.

It is not an expense. It is protection.

» Check These Points Carefully

– Insured value should match reconstruction cost, not market value.
– Natural calamities must be covered.
– Policy should be renewed every year without fail.
– Bank clause (assignment clause) must be correctly mentioned.

Do not ignore renewal. If policy lapses, risk comes back to you.

» 360 Degree Protection View

Since you have a loan:

– Ensure you have adequate term insurance to cover outstanding loan.
– Ensure you have proper health insurance.
– Maintain emergency fund for EMI continuity.

If something happens to income, EMI must not suffer.

Property insurance protects asset.
Term insurance protects family.
Emergency fund protects EMI discipline.

All three together create safety.

» Finally

Property insurance may not be legally compulsory, but practically it is required and financially wise.

Do not see it as bank pressure. See it as risk control.

A small premium today can prevent a huge financial shock tomorrow.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11047 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 02, 2026

Money
Hello Sir, I am 43 year old, having investment in 1. Own House-No Loan 2. MF holding 14.0 Lac, 3. FD 44.0 Lac, 4. Pure Gold 40.0 Lac, 5. PPF 5.0 Lac, 6. EPF 27.5 Lac, 7. NPS 9.0 Lac 8. Bank Account 10.0 Lac 9. Monthly SIP 44000 Rs [Multicap, Two Mid Cap, Two Small Cap, Large and Mid Cap] 10. Term Plan 50.0 Lac My child is 16 years old, i need your advice for my child education, marriage as well as my retirement.
Ans: You have built a very strong foundation at 43. Own house without loan, good savings in FD, gold, EPF and mutual funds – this shows discipline and stability. Many people at your age struggle with liabilities. You are in a safe position. Now we must organise it properly for your child’s higher education, marriage and your retirement.

» Current Financial Position – Overall Assessment

– Own house without loan gives you emotional security.
– Total financial assets are well diversified across FD, gold, PF and mutual funds.
– Large allocation to FD and gold gives safety but lower long-term growth.
– Mutual fund exposure is moderate and SIP is healthy at Rs 44,000 per month.
– Term cover of Rs 50 lakh is on the lower side considering child age and future costs.

You are financially stable. Now the focus must shift to growth and protection.

» Child Higher Education – 2 to 4 Year Planning Window

Your child is already 16. That means higher education funding is very near.

– Education corpus should not depend on equity-heavy assets now.
– Avoid taking high risk in small and mid caps for this goal.
– Start segregating money required in next 2–3 years into safe instruments like short-term debt or high-quality fixed income.
– Do not disturb EPF and NPS for education unless absolutely necessary.

If needed, you can use part of FD and bank balance. Education goal is priority one.

Important: Avoid selling equity mutual funds in panic. If you sell equity funds:
– LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.
– STCG is taxed at 20%.

Plan redemption carefully and gradually.

» Child Marriage – Long-Term Goal (8–12 Years)

Marriage is not urgent. So this can stay in growth assets.

– Continue SIP.
– You are currently investing across multicap, midcap, smallcap and large-midcap. That is fine for long term.
– But review allocation. Too much mid and small cap increases volatility.

Keep marriage goal in a separate mutual fund bucket. Track it independently.

» Retirement Planning – The Most Important Goal

You are 43. You have around 15–17 years for retirement.

Current retirement assets:
– EPF Rs 27.5 lakh
– NPS Rs 9 lakh
– PPF Rs 5 lakh
– Mutual Funds Rs 14 lakh

This is a decent start but not enough for long retirement life.

You must:

– Increase retirement-focused equity allocation gradually.
– Continue EPF contribution strongly.
– Continue NPS for tax and discipline, but do not depend fully on it.
– Increase SIP gradually every year, at least 5–10% step-up.

At your age, growth is still required. Too much FD and gold will reduce long-term wealth creation.

» Asset Allocation Correction

Current allocation shows heavy weight in:

– FD Rs 44 lakh
– Gold Rs 40 lakh

Gold and FD together form a very large portion. Gold does not give income. FD gives safety but post-tax returns are moderate.

Suggestion:

– Do not exit gold fully. Keep reasonable allocation.
– Slowly reduce excess FD over next few years and move towards diversified equity mutual funds for long-term goals.
– Keep emergency fund of 6–9 months in bank and FD. Beyond that, excess idle cash should work harder.

» Insurance Review

Term cover of Rs 50 lakh is low.

– Considering child age and inflation in education, you should review and increase total term cover.
– Aim for at least 10–12 times annual income protection.

Health insurance is not mentioned. If not adequate, increase family floater coverage.

» Risk Management & Behaviour Discipline

– Do not frequently change funds based on market noise.
– Review once a year.
– Keep goals separated mentally and financially.

Your SIP structure is good. Just rebalance and align with time horizon.

» Tax Awareness

– Equity mutual fund gains above Rs 1.25 lakh (long term) are taxed at 12.5%.
– Short term gains are taxed at 20%.
– Debt fund gains are taxed as per slab.

So plan withdrawals smartly. Do not redeem in one single financial year if avoidable.

» Action Plan – Next 12 Months

– Separate education corpus immediately.
– Increase term insurance.
– Gradually rebalance FD surplus into long-term mutual funds.
– Step-up SIP yearly.
– Create clear written retirement number target.
– Review NPS asset allocation to ensure enough equity exposure.

» Finally

You are not late. You are actually ahead in discipline and savings. Only re-alignment is required.

Education funding needs safety now.
Marriage needs growth.
Retirement needs structured and increasing equity exposure.

If you implement these corrections calmly, you can achieve all three goals without stress.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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