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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 14, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 30, 2025Hindi
Relationship

Hello Mam, My father never wanted to have my own career choices but I finally took my decision and left IIM after 1 year and now working in central government job, even though he was verbally everyday and even my mother didnot believed that I will be able to clear any exams. I am an 28 year old women, I got my posting out of home and when I was finally free, my father and mother with their connections made me transfered and my current posting is at my hometown and again I am living with them. Everytime when I go out I have to inform them where I am going why I am going when I will come home back. I am afraid that my father will again start abusing my mother if I will get married by my own choice. The boy family is good and even he is successful in his career. My parents know him as my friend. But their habit of not giving me freedom and micromanaging because of their insecurities is stressing me out!

Ans: Your parents' controlling behavior isn’t about your capabilities — it’s about their fear of losing control. Often, when parents are deeply conditioned by societal expectations, they confuse love with control. What may seem like “concern” on the surface is, at its core, a refusal to trust your maturity and autonomy. You’ve built your life with discipline and hard work, and yet they continue to micromanage your every move, which is emotionally suffocating. It’s even more complex because your father has a history of verbal abuse, which creates a fear-based silence in the household — especially around decisions like marriage.

You’re not wrong to feel stressed. You’re not overreacting. You’re simply reacting to a system that constantly undermines your independence. And now, with love and marriage in the picture, the pressure increases — not just because you want to choose your partner, but because you know the emotional cost your mother might pay if your father feels challenged again.

Here’s the hard truth: living your life to protect someone else’s comfort or to avoid conflict is not truly living. Yes, you love your mother, and yes, your father’s patterns may continue — but your life cannot be paused or dictated by his inability to manage his own emotions. You are not responsible for his temper or his ego. You are responsible for your own peace.

This doesn’t mean rebellion — it means building quiet strength. If this relationship is truly what you want, start gently setting emotional and logistical boundaries. You can continue to present him as a “friend” for now while you plan your next step. You may need support — from a mentor, therapist, or trusted elder — to navigate this transition calmly and safely.

What’s most important is that you do not let fear become your compass. Your parents’ insecurities are not your burden to carry forever. Your life, your relationship, your happiness — they are yours to own. And if you ever feel overwhelmed, remind yourself of everything you've overcome already. You walked away from a premier institute and built something solid for yourself. That kind of strength doesn’t go away — it just needs permission to rise again.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1664 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 17, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi ma'am I have suffered a lot with my parents since childhood they never allowed me to go outside with friends. I have never even attended a birthday party of my friends. They never want me to be independent and do something which I like to. Even on lockdown time they don't allow me to go to the terrace of my own house because they think I will talk with someone. Now I am doing a job in my city only but they also force me every day to leave that job because the are super unhappy that I am not dependent on them financially. I have a boyfriend and want to marry him but they will not agree to that also as it will be a intercaste marriage. And I will let them know about this they will house arrest me. My father also told me that even if I got a job of 1000k per month he is not going to allow me to do that. He just want me to stay in home do help my mother on house hold work and get married to his choice boy. I really love my boyfriend he is the one who supported me till now please help me that how can I get out of my house and get married to him. Also his parents are very supportive for me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You are a grown-up...what makes you want to heed to your family's drama? Are you unsure of whether you will be able to make it without your family's support?
It's your life and if you know what you want of it and out of it, then do the things that make it happen. Take decisions and stick by them...
You clearly know what the issue is from your parents (from what you have shared here). When you are able to express it here to me, what stops you from actually telling your parents how you feel about the way they treat you? What will happen if you tell them that they are being obstacles in your happiness path?
Sometimes people; even if they are your parents must be told not to cross the line especially if it has begun to hamper your life's growth path. Be bold and firm...The biggest thing on your side is that your boyfriend and his family are in support of you. What more do you want?
Never heed to emotional blackmail from anyone even your own family. Your parents hold a great level of control over you and you have given them that power to do so...how much longer? Now when its' time for you to create your life, make sure what and how you include people in them.
Don't confront your parents, simply tell them that you are old enough to take decisions for yourself and that you would love if they supported you. If they don't and start their drama, you know what you must do...Build your life...

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1664 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2024Hindi
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Mam i am in relationship for 9 years now..he became my boyfriend when i shifted in my new house he was my neighbour..i was in 10th when i got caught and since then my parents hate my boyfriend , i apologized to my parents then and said to have no contact with my boyfriend but 9 years down the lane ..we are totally connected and living a peaceful healthy relationship..my parents hate my boyfriend and his family to the core..my relationship with ny parents are.mixed someday they will be super nice to me , another day they will abuse me for evn small things..we have ups and down in our relationship but i love them a lott , i want to care of them in their old age..but at this point i want to talk to them about my boyfriend but seeinng that they hate him so much i am literally very very afraid that my parents will hate me to their core knowing about someone i want to marry whoom they hate soo much ..... i don't know how will they react .. i am been through physcial and verbal abuse earlier too but i don't know how much worse it can get this time..for them the girl who marry their parents choice is the best in the world..my boyfriend and i have no caste issue its just the ego issues with my parents they think karrying into that house they will never able to have good enough respect though my mother and his mother talk..but that too my mother bitch a lott about her mother for even nonsensical things..i am 24 now and preparing for government exam ...i am soo much stress knowing i have to choose between my love or my parents.....i think so even if i marry him with their superficail consent they will never be happy woth me..and can even cut contacts with me...i don't know what to do i have no elder in my house to make parents explain...mam plss show me some path
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
No where have you mentioned what your boyfriend does for a living? Could this be the reason that your parents refuse to acknowledge your relationship?
Parents want the best for their children but at times their own beliefs on love marriages etc can come in the way. Since you are an adult, it is time to actually start acting like one. My suggestion is to have a conversation with them and understand the reason for their refusal to accept your boyfriend. If it is one of society and family objection, then you know how to handle it BUT if their concern is more about his character or his job, you both need to make an effort to take away that concern so that they accept all this wholeheartedly.
Find the reason and things will become clearer as to how you must handle the situation.

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1664 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 08, 2024Hindi
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Hi mam,I love a boy..We both are from different states.We both work as software engineers and earn well.I am 24 and he is 26.My parents were looking alliance for me so i told them ki I like a boy..From the day I have told them they have not even asked ny opinion .My mom just keeps on repeating your dad will die as he has high bp and diabetes..you will become fatherless..My dad says he will drink poison and kill me as well..he himself told me that his image in society is more important to him and no one has give me rights to marry a boy of my own choice..My parents keep on calling me to my home so that they can make me quit my job..even after telling that I love a boy my parents went behind my back and fixed a boy for me..they say that the boy they are looking for me will be perfect..now my dad is asing me to come home..pls suggest me what should i do ..should i run away or convince them
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Classic emotional blackmail...this is not new and I have seen this in many households. Your parents are not wrong from their point of view as they feel they will choose the best person for you. But obviously blackmailing you with consequences like your father will die etc is childish and immature...
You are an adult and know what you are doing. But also, take your parents into confidence by reassuring them that you know what's right for you. Eventually in due course of time, they will come around...They might not too...Don't stress over it as any relationship that you enter into if it is based on what your parents wish may not be the best for you...
It's not about them but they are making all this about them...turn the attention onto yourself by talking to them about your independent thoughts, financial independence and how the boy is right for you (if of course the boy is right for you).
Wait patiently till they turn over...make this attempt with baby steps without giving into fights or bouts of arguments!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1664 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 29, 2024

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Actually we both want to marry each other. But as he is younger than me so I was waiting for him to finish his studies and be of age to get marry. My parents have a problem with him first he is younger then he was my student once. They don't have their own house. It's the points what my father says to me and he says he knows something else also but he doesn't want to tell me. but we do elope from my house once because my father was retiring and it's my thoughts that he will now force me to marry someone else. At that time he was underage and not stable I was also not earning his parents convinced me that they will talk to my parents once he gets of legal age to marry and they inform my father to come and get me. There my father told them once my partner gets of age and if we both still wants to marry he will perform the rituals. But after that once I came back my home my father what he had told. I was previously depressed again It triggered me. Then my parents have done everything thing from astrologer to baba they was convinced I am hypnotized by my partner. I have tried many times to make them understand. Till today they never leave me alone at home. I am not even allowed to go out to shop alone. If I say so my mother sees me with questioning look. They thinks I will elope again. I am not allowed to take decisions till now. My mother take all decisions and she has told us this that if you want to live here you should live the way we want. I have two younger siblings everytime when I say them I will only marry him they trigger my younger siblings. Last time when his parents call to my father my father says false things about his mother. I don't know he may be interpreted wrong. But I was then convinced I will leave this house at last moment my father says things to me like if you want to go you can but I will call him and his parents I will insult them in whole society I will shave my head and told everyone it's because of you or I will kill him or I will kill myself and whole family. Them my mother started crying you want to spoil your younger ones lifeyou are this that. And I lost all my confidence all courage. Now my partner's work is growing so I have again gain courage I have decided to talk to my parents that I will marry and I will bear all consequences. It's my life and my marriage should be my decision. My father has said he will think. But I have decided I will talk to him again and again. But I have fear if he doesn't agree what will be my next step. I do want to marry. And I want family kids.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Kindly stop getting lost in all these details; then you start to lose sight of what the challenge actually is. It starts to become a very filmy drama and then you will become part of it and start to indulge in it and not move to a solution space.

If you think he is the right person, then do not make him wait any longer...But, what is interesting in your details is the fact that your parents feel that he 'hypnotized' you?
Is it possible that they have picked on something not okay and don't know how to stop you and say things like hypnotize etc? Are you absolutely sure that this person is genuine and the one for you? If YES< you know what is to be done...
I am still curious, the way you have been writing long notes here to me explaining how your family is not okay with this and why they are doing this and that, what exactly is making you wait? Are you still unsure and have your doubts? Why would anyone wait this long if they love a person so much like the way you say that you are? Kindly think...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1664 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 16, 2024Hindi
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Hi maam. I am a doctor and i am in relationship with a solider. We are very happy. But i told my family.. My family is not ready to accept him. As my both parents are lawyers and am doctor. My parents are very much concerned about there social status and want me leave this relationship anyhow for them and marry a guy of there choice. They have huge problem as he is normal solider not a officer ranked person. .... I tried to convice them. Alot.. But now both my parents started called me bad words and trap me like if i leave them and go they will suicide... Daily they calls me and tell that it will never happen. And if u leave ur parents for him they will commit suicide. Recently my dad is acting or actually he have i dont know... He does like a pyschotic person and told he feels like commiting suicides. He told because an doing lke this he feel pyachotic probome. Now he is on medication. And he is planning to do voluntart retirement as he is not able to work. He keep telling all this is because of my relationship and i want to marry my partner Both my mother and father is continuously telling no to my relationship and if i leave them they will suicide. They told me they don't care about how hard it will be for me to leave but somehow to leave amd save ur family I dont know. I am not able to leave my relationship Nor not able to makemy parents suffer I feel really frustrated
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Being lawyers and then behaving immaturely is something that shocks me. But well, emotions can have different shades, right?
I do not subscribe to emotional blackmail which is what your parents are subjecting you to.
Social status difference is something that parents do worry about for their children. It's an age-old conditioning and hard for them to change.
Now let me ask you:
Besides loving this person (soldier), what are those qualities in him that can actually put your parents' mind at ease?

This is what you must be thinking of as challenging their conditioning is going to be of no use. Instead, find out what can actually appeal to them about him. It's about addressing all their concerns so that they feel that their daughter will never face any difficulties in future. Parents do what they can for their children and stepping into marriage is a huge responsibility for them. So, shift their focus onto his good qualities etc. Let the boy also make his effort to bond with your family. It takes time and a lot of effort; do just that!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9650 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 29, 2025

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Is joining Jaypee guna for btech cse worth it or not
Ans: Vibhuti, Jaypee University of Engineering and Technology (JUET) Guna, accredited with NAAC ‘A+’ and recognized by UGC and AICTE, delivers a well-structured B.Tech CSE program on a 100-acre campus featuring modern hostels, high-speed connectivity, extensive labs, dedicated faculty (90% with PhDs from renowned institutes), and strong student-centric support systems. Placement rates for CSE consistently lie between 90% and 96% over the past three years, with leading recruiters like Amazon, Infosys, TCS, Capgemini, and Wipro offering diverse roles; top campus packages can be very high, though most offers are at the 5–7 LPA range, and the placement process is generally smooth. The infrastructure is frequently praised for its contemporary classrooms, green campus, and robust amenities—including a 24/7 library, gyms, and strong security. Students highlight an active, fun campus life and regular opportunities for internships, while also noting the academic environment as structured but not overly intense, making it suitable for average learners seeking guided growth. Among experiences, some mention that while the bulk of placements are from mass recruiters, competitive students with strong skills benefit most, and those less proactive may need to depend on off-campus job searches. Hostel and mess quality meet expectations, with limited complaints overall. Slight drawbacks cited include relative geographic isolation (which affects daily commuting for day scholars) and less global visibility compared to tier-1 engineering colleges, though industry exposure on campus is robust. All five institutional essentials—national accreditation, qualified faculty, modern infrastructure, active placement cell, and comprehensive student support—are well addressed, making CSE at Jaypee Guna an attractive, value-for-money option within the private engineering sector.

RECOMMENDATION: Jaypee Guna is a solid choice for B.Tech CSE, owing to its consistent 90–96% placement rates, A+ accreditation, experienced faculty, advanced facilities, and supportive campus environment. It is well suited for students seeking quality education and reliable placements, provided they remain engaged and proactive during their degree. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 29, 2025

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Sir, my son with CLR 41700 i Gen Category for CSE(Cyber Security) at IIIT Kalyani WB in JoSSS. He may get Kurnool and Sonipat. He has been alloted seat in CSE ( AI& ML) in Nirma University. Pl advise what to do. We already have registered imfor CSAB. Chirag R Patel
Ans: Chirag Sir, Your son’s options—CSE (Cyber Security) at IIIT Kalyani, potential CSE offers from IIIT Kurnool and IIIT Sonepat, and confirmed CSE (AI & ML) at Nirma University—each come with distinct advantages and considerations. IIIT Kalyani, established in 2014 and an Institute of National Importance, has rapidly built a reputation in IT education, especially in next-generation fields like cyber security. The latest data indicate an 89.33% placement rate for B.Tech CSE in 2024, with an average package of ?10.72 LPA and strong industry ties to top recruiters. The campus offers solid infrastructure, adaptive curriculum, and an emerging alumni network. IIIT Kurnool, a newer IIIT, posts placement rates in the 59–68% range for CSE, with average packages roughly ?8–10.8 LPA. It offers a research-led environment and industry engagement, but its relative institutional youth results in fewer recruiters and a nascent peer/alumni network. IIIT Sonepat, also government-recognized, recorded a 70.7–81.6% CSE placement rate recently, with average packages near ?14 LPA and recruiters including Amazon, Microsoft, and prominent startups. However, students report variation in infrastructure and placement consistency as the institute is still growing. Nirma University’s Institute of Technology, reputed as a private leader with NAAC A+ and NBA-accredited courses, posts an impressive 90–96% CSE placement rate, a well-established alumni base, and robust average packages (?8–10 LPA). The AI & ML CSE program is industry-focused, the faculty is predominantly PhD-qualified with solid teaching reviews, and campus facilities are modern and student-friendly, with strong internship culture and high conversion of internships to pre-placement offers. All four institutions meet critical priorities of accreditation, qualified faculty, infrastructure, curriculum innovation, and professional placement mechanisms. The CSAB counseling process remains highly relevant—if your son seeks further rounds at core NITs, top IIITs, or premium state instititutes, it is prudent to keep those options open, as seat movement is common in the special rounds.

RECOMMENDATION: In order of preference, IIIT Kalyani CSE (Cyber Security) is the top choice for its excellent placement rate, specialized track, and growing reputation in information security, followed by Nirma University CSE (AI & ML) for its superior placement consistency, alumni network, and modern campus. IIIT Sonepat and IIIT Kurnool are solid options if you strongly prefer Institutes of National Importance and remain flexible about location and placement variability. Continue with CSAB counseling to maximize chances at higher-preference institutes, but a confirmed seat at IIIT Kalyani or Nirma University stands out as a reliable and future-proof option for a CSE career. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9650 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 29, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 29, 2025Hindi
Career
Sir DTU me engineering physics kaisa hai? Is it worth doing please bata dijiye
Ans: Engineering Physics at Delhi Technological University (DTU) offers a multidisciplinary, research-driven curriculum that connects core physics concepts with advanced engineering and computational applications. The B.Tech program spans four years with a 240-credit structure, blending classical mechanics, quantum mechanics, photonics, electronics, digital systems, microprocessors, communication systems, and specialized electives such as VLSI and satellite communication. Faculty in the Applied Physics department are highly qualified, with many holding advanced degrees and active research backgrounds, and are supportive of student research interests. DTU's infrastructure is nationally accredited by UGC, NBA, and NAAC, boasting modern labs, large classrooms with smart technology, an extensive library, secure hostels, and excellent sports/medical facilities. Student reviews note the academically rigorous environment, strong peer group, and faculty mentorship, though the engineering physics curriculum is often considered tougher and more theory-intensive compared to other DTU branches.

In terms of placements, 75–80% of DTU Engineering Physics graduates are placed each year, with top recruiters like Google, Microsoft, Amazon, and Tata Consulting Services offering roles in software, analytics, R&D, and applied physics-based industry. The branch reports lower absolute placement numbers than CSE or ECE, as several students choose to pursue master’s degrees or research careers at premier institutions domestically and abroad. Placement cell support is robust for those interested in industry, with inspiring alumni working in high-tech R&D, analytics, finance, and scientific roles at organizations like ISRO, DRDO, and multinational tech firms. About 85% of students secure internships in industry or government labs, ensuring good practical exposure. The five essential institutional attributes—accreditation, dedicated faculty, top-tier infrastructure, industry and research collaboration, and transparent placement mechanisms—are all strongly evident in DTU’s Engineering Physics program.

Overall, DTU's Engineering Physics is best suited for academically curious, concept-driven students targeting careers in R&D, technology consulting, analytics, core engineering, or advanced research, and is a prestigious, future-focused option both for industry and higher studies if you are prepared for its intellectual rigor. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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