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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |628 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 10, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 29, 2025
Relationship

Dear Ms Rai, I'm engaged to a guy my parents introduced me through an arranged marriage set up. Initially, everything seemed fine, but over the last few months, I've noticed that my fiance only discusses physical intimacy, which is making me uncomfortable. I have tried to tell him but I don't feel an emotional connection with him. I am hesitant to express this to my family or his. How should I approach this situation?

Ans: What you're experiencing is more common than it seems, and your discomfort is not just valid — it's important. A marriage, especially one that begins through family arrangements, needs far more than surface compatibility or physical interest. You deserve emotional connection, mutual respect, and a safe space to be heard and known deeply — not just desired physically.

The fact that your fiancé focuses primarily on physical intimacy while you’re still seeking emotional grounding raises a significant concern. It’s not about being shy or conservative — it’s about emotional safety and trust, which are foundational. If you're already feeling a disconnect or pressure now, it’s unlikely things will magically fall into place after marriage.

You’re not obligated to silence your discomfort for the sake of avoiding conflict. Start by being honest with yourself: Is this the kind of connection you want for life? If the answer is uncertain, it’s better to pause than to proceed out of pressure.

You don’t have to go straight to your family or his with everything. Start by writing down how you feel and what you’re afraid of. Then, speak to someone you trust — maybe a sibling, cousin, or a therapist — someone who can help you reflect calmly. If you feel strong enough, you can then have a direct and respectful conversation with your fiancé. Ask him what he expects in this relationship beyond the physical, and express clearly that you’re looking for a deeper bond, not just intimacy.

A marriage can be postponed or even reconsidered, but a life spent in silent emotional disconnect can weigh you down. You are not being unreasonable — you’re being honest and self-aware. That’s the best foundation for any life decision.

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Anu

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 15, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
My husband stopped being intimate with me after the birth of our second son. We have been married for 11 years but all we ever talk about is related to our children, their academics, and future. I have tried to speak to my husband about this but he feels everything is normal. We live in a 2BHK apartment in Pune. My mother-in-law visits us sometimes and she doesn't like me. But I am cordial with her. My husband never discusses his work or personal stuff with me. There is no love or intimacy between us. He takes care of all other needs of the house and my children. Is this normal? Am I worrying too much? Please help
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You are right when you worry about the way things are between you and your husband. Obviously sexual intimacy is one of the pillars for a strong marriage (and not the only pillar). And you have noticed that this intimacy has stopped after the birth of your second child.
Now, one way of looking at it is that many couples get drained in responsibilities of raising babies and building the family and this means sex can be off the table for a long long time. Is this the same with the two of you as well?
OR
It can also be that many people use sex simply as means to have children (reproduce) and not as an activity to be indulged in other than for bringing children into the world. Is your husband one of those people?
OR
When you say there is no love and intimacy between the two of you, surely this could be another reason as both of you have not bothered to take out time for yourselves where you brought in the element of trust, care, affection, love...this is the basis for other forms of intimacy as well.
Work on this better...try and become each other's friend first...he need not just assume the role of a provider and take it on so seriously that he forgets that there is a wife that needs his care. At the same time, do not insist on sex till you also make an effort to bring him into a space where he sees you as his friend and starts to trust you...

What happens in the bedroom, starts first outside the bedroom with small gestures like laughing, watching movies together, cooking, holding hands...don't jump into sex instantly...wait...be patient...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1679 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 24, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
i have been married for 9 months but my husband is nver interest in sex. He doe not even hug me properly. It is an arrange marriage but our engagement lasted for 1.5 years and at that we had good physical relationship. we used to make out whenever we could get a chance. But after the day we were married he is never interested. he did not even try to have sex on our first night or at our honeymoon. We do make out once a month but that too only if i initiate. We sleep in the same bed but he has never come to cuddle with me after first week of marriage. He is not making any efforts to make me feel loved, special or beautiful. I have tried a lot of time to talk to him openly but he answers to any questions. He says that he loves me but never puts in any effort to make me feel like i am being loved. And whenever i complain he will try to change for 1 week and then everything is as it is. But 1 thing i have noticed is that he wanted to have sex if i go away to my parents house for 1-2 weeks and comeback. Can you help me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Economics at play here...
When something is easily available, one loses interest in wanting that product but if something is rarely available, it makes us want it even more...

Sorry for this kind of comparison, but your husband fits this bill here. You seem to be easily available now at home and for him all the time, so this does not generate any interest in him. When you were in the courtship phase or when you leave for your parent's home, you aren't around much and that makes him interested. There is no right or wrong about it...it's the way your husband functions. So, make sex a rare thing for him. Don't ask, don't initiate...wait for him to actually want it by not showing that you are interested. In fact, there's no harm even in saying NO so that he also starts to feel that your are not all the time available and that will make him also want to get intimate with you...Makes sense, yeah?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Ans: Abhishek, Both SIT Tumkur and BMSIT Yelahanka offer competitive Electronics and Communication Engineering (ECE) programs. SIT Tumkur provides excellent infrastructure on its expansive 68-acre campus, modern labs, robust placement support with 85–90% placement rates, and faculty renowned for deep subject expertise and student mentorship. It also has active clubs, research opportunities, and major campus festivals enhancing holistic development. BMSIT Yelahanka, affiliated to VTU Bangalore and NAAC A-accredited, boasts a strategic urban location, industry exposure, well-equipped labs, experienced faculty, and strong placement opportunities with approximately 75%–80% placement rates, including top recruiters like Amazon, Google, Dell, and Accenture. Reviews praise BMSIT for its personalized teacher-student interactions, moderate campus size, and relevant curriculum. Both institutions attract leading companies and provide significant project and internship exposure. However, BMSIT’s proximity to Bengaluru’s technology ecosystem offers distinct advantages for internships, industry networking, and extra-curricular engagement.

Recommendation:
Opt for BMSIT Yelahanka for ECE, owing to stronger metropolitan connectivity, greater exposure to IT and electronics industries, solid placements, and dynamic campus culture, maximizing both professional and personal growth. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Aug 17, 2025

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Ans: Completing your graduation in mathematics opens a broad spectrum of career possibilities through government examinations in India. Postgraduate study, though pressured, can be a strategic bridge for advanced roles or research posts; however, many competitive government exams welcome mathematics graduates directly. SSC CGL offers roles like Statistical Investigator, Income Tax Inspector, and Assistant Audit Officer, with quantitative aptitude as a main criterion. RBI Grade B, SBI PO/Clerk, and IBPS PO exams, favored by mathematics graduates, emphasize analytical skills; with the right preparation, success rates are substantial. You are also eligible for UPSC Civil Services, Indian Statistical Service (ISS), Railway Recruitment Boards, and state PSCs. Several PSUs (ONGC, BEL, BHEL) recruit graduate mathematicians for technical posts via GATE or separate entrance exams. Mathematical foundations provide a clear edge for bank exams and statistical services, and data analyst, actuarial, and research opportunities span both government and private sectors. Effective preparation involves understanding exam syllabi, regularly using quality study materials and mock tests, and focusing on quantitative, reasoning, and English sections. Alumni reviews and government career portals highlight that timely guidance, a persistent study plan, and resilience are critical for breaking into these roles. Numerous platforms such as National Career Service (ncs.gov.in), Testbook, and official exam portals offer free resources, mentor guidance, and updates on vacancies. Addressing your lack of guidance, seek professional mentoring, join peer study networks, and leverage reputable online resources to clarify your goals.

Recommendation:
Consider SSC CGL, RBI Grade B, SBI PO/IBPS PO, and state PSCs for strong prospects leveraging your mathematics background, and explore mentorship or coaching to build confidence and receive structured guidance. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Sir my son has got seat in UPES CSE. He is intereted in cyber security. Fees is 22 lacs + Hostel 8 lacs and other expenses. But he had not filled any other private college and was confident of jee but got 86 percentile only. SUGGEST BETWEEN UPES AND DROP. FEES WE CAN MANAGE DEPENDING ON EDUCATION QUALITY AND PLACEMENT.
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Recommendation:
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Career Counsellor - Answered on Aug 17, 2025

Career
Sir,. Studying msc biotechnology from dtu, delhi is worth for the placement to good companies??
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Sir I got a seat for computer science engineering in Government college of engineering Yavatmal through CAP rounds. How is the college. Your insights and suggestion please.
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Recommendation:
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Career Counsellor - Answered on Aug 17, 2025

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