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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |597 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 07, 2025
Relationship

After a fight between a married guy and my husband on pretext of calling me characterless and unhappy in my marriage. That married guy complaint against my hubby in society office that it's my husband who follow, flirts with his wife. But the allegations are false. That married guy was doing all these things or chasing me even after knowing m married. But falsely he shifted the blame on my husband. Society chairman called us to sign a peace treaty which my husband signed bt that guy dint appear to sign. What does he want is still not clear.??? He doesn't wanna end this matter or what ??? He still walks around looking at us but from distance.

Ans: In such cases, it's important for you and your husband to stay emotionally steady and not engage with his tactics. Reacting to him or showing you're disturbed by his behavior may be exactly what he's looking for. If his behavior escalates or continues to make you uncomfortable, you might want to quietly document what happens and consider involving local authorities or legal counsel if it crosses into harassment.

Right now, your focus should be on protecting your peace and your relationship. Keep communication open with your husband and support each other through this, because this kind of external stress can silently damage trust if not handled carefully. The more united you two are, the less space there is for anyone else to create confusion between you.

It’s unclear exactly what this man wants, but based on his pattern, it seems he either wants attention, control, or to destabilize your marriage out of resentment or personal failure. Either way, you don’t need to carry his emotional mess. If you continue to stay calm, ignore him, and document anything serious, you'll be in a stronger position to protect yourselves.

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |119 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Relationship
Hi Dr Ashish., Please keep it as anonymus. I am married from the past 7.7 yrs outside my community. It was an arrange cum love marriage. He was a kind of aurthodox mindset and I agreed to all his terms & conditions without understanding peroperly before marriage. Then after I tried my level best to do as I was agreed to it. For an example not having friendship with the opposite sex etc. His father is a negative person and always doubt on me if I speak to my real & close cousins(Kaka's son). I stopped talking to my friends& cousins for him. This went till a year, then his father beaten me when I back answered him for something, then after we left the house. Since then we are staying separately from his father but he keeps coming to our house in my absense. I had left my job after marriage then after 3 yrs of marriage I again started working, I continued my futher study(LLB). Now his father is getting older, he wants to keep his father with us. By keeping everything a side I agreed. But as the domestic violance was already happened in the past, he is fearful if it happened for 2nd time I may take a legal action which I had not done earlier. Now he is asking me to give divorce and to stay together. He says is the relationship is only with the paper.We won't tell this to the world, it would be confidential between you & me. I want you & need you but I know my fathers nature & your nature. There are possibilities that the same incident may repeat in the future. If we divorce then you won't be able to take a legal action. I want to be anxiety free. I am egoistic, sometimes speaks rudely & trust me I am working on it and I am observng the changes in me as well day by day, still when he provokes me my temprament goes up. Since we married we hadn't a good relationship bcoz he feels I have cheated him because I speak to my male friends, male colleaugues, hand shake etc buy I know it is only professionally. He says you have less introspection, I am literally failed to convince him.Neither I like or go out with my male friends, after office either I go to temple or home. I handle all the household chores with my job. Still he doubts & although he is saying he is liberal but genetically the suspicous mindset comes naturally in his behavior. And also he didn't want to start the family, still I accept it. He never make me the nominee of his savings nor he shares about his future plannings. I always share about future, family, my salary & savings. Just bcoz he is not keeping me as nominee I also have stopped him. After every fight, I stop talking to him for my mental peace, take my space then we sit discuss & conclude. Now my mind is saying to move out, but I know after his father there is no one in his life to take care of him. I am disgusted with his mood & mentality. I don't know shall I listen to my heart or mind. Need your guidance.
Ans: Thank you for sharing your story with such honesty. It’s clear that you’ve put immense effort and sacrifice into your marriage, often compromising your own needs to meet the expectations placed upon you. However, the situation you are in is both emotionally complex and mentally exhausting. Let’s carefully explore the dynamics and steps you can take.

Key Themes in Your Situation
Emotional Sacrifices vs. Trust Issues:
You’ve made significant sacrifices—distancing yourself from friends and family, adjusting to a different lifestyle, and even tolerating past mistreatment. Yet, your husband’s lack of trust and persistent suspicion continue to dominate the relationship.

Past Trauma with His Father:
The physical violence and controlling behavior from your father-in-law have left deep scars. Even though you’re willing to let him live with you again, your husband’s unusual request for a confidential divorce signals that he prioritizes his own fear of legal repercussions over building trust and stability with you.

Lack of Reciprocity:
While you share your financial plans and contribute to the household both emotionally and financially, your husband appears to withhold significant parts of his life from you. This lack of mutual transparency creates an imbalance.

Communication and Conflict:
Despite your efforts to manage conflicts through discussions and introspection, the cyclical nature of fights suggests that deeper issues—such as trust, control, and insecurity—remain unresolved.

Your Inner Conflict:
You feel torn between your empathy for his loneliness and your need to protect your mental health and autonomy. This inner struggle is a testament to your strength and compassion but also highlights the toll this relationship has taken on you.

Questions to Reflect On
What Do You Want from This Relationship?
Is this marriage providing you with emotional security, mutual respect, and a sense of partnership? Or is it mainly a source of stress and self-doubt?

Is the Current Dynamic Sustainable?
Considering the repeated conflicts, unresolved trust issues, and the request for a confidential divorce, ask yourself whether continuing in this relationship aligns with your personal growth and mental well-being.

What Do You Value Most?
Do you prioritize staying in this marriage to support your husband and his father, or do you feel the need to reclaim your independence and peace of mind?

Recommendations
Seek Clarity about the Divorce Proposal:
Have an open and honest conversation with your husband about his request for a divorce while staying together. Ask him:

“What do you believe this arrangement will solve? How do you see it benefiting both of us?”
This can help you understand his perspective and decide if it aligns with your values and goals.
Set Clear Boundaries:
If his father moves in, establish clear rules about behavior and communication. Ensure that your husband fully supports and enforces these boundaries to prevent any repeat of past violence.

Evaluate the Trust Issue:
Trust is the foundation of any relationship. If your husband continues to doubt your professional interactions or friendships despite your transparency, consider whether this suspicion is something you can work through together or if it’s an inherent barrier.

Seek Professional Mediation:
Consider involving a counselor or mediator to help you both communicate more effectively. A neutral third party can help address unresolved issues, including trust, respect, and shared responsibilities.

Prioritize Your Well-Being:
You’ve been handling multiple responsibilities—work, studies, household chores, and emotional compromises. It’s essential to focus on your mental health. Taking time for self-care isn’t selfish; it’s necessary to make sound decisions.

Plan for Independence:
Whether you choose to stay or leave, ensure you have a solid plan for your financial and emotional independence. Keep your career and savings intact and consider leaning on trusted friends or family for support.

A Gentle Reminder
A relationship is meant to nurture, support, and inspire both partners. If it consistently drains you or leaves you questioning your worth, it’s worth reconsidering its place in your life. Empathy for your husband and his situation is admirable, but it should not come at the cost of your own peace and happiness.

Take time to reflect deeply. Whether you decide to stay and work on this relationship or move forward on your own, the choice should align with your core values and long-term well-being.

If you’d like to discuss further or need help navigating this situation, I am here to guide you.

Warm regards,
Ashish Sehgal

..Read more

Love Guru

Love Guru   |213 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 27, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi mam plz help me to solve my problem , I was in relation with a guy I met him in office , and he is good boy because he helped me alot in my tasks , slowly I got attracted to him , and the attraction turns into liking ... I did not refused what he says I have to do it ..that time I was engaged ...and he wants me to meet him privately and refused that sir I am engaged I can't do this ..but he threatens if you will not come i will tell to your fiance and it will affect to your marriage ..I am agreeing what he says and he forced me to do this ..now I am married and my husband is abroad ..now he threating and harrassing me for s*x ...he says he will tell your husband ..I am in so much of stress plz help me mam to get rid of this situation what should I do if he tells my husband ..he will ruin my life and can't involve my parents they are both patient ...he is threating me so much if I tell to police they will involve my parents as well which I don't want ...I blocked him from all the social media but he kept messaging because I am getting notification from blocked messages ..and he keep threating me
Ans: The first thing you should do is come clean to your husband. Spare him the sordid details and just tell him this ex-boyfriend is trying to stir up trouble for you both. How long do you want to remain so stressed? Tell him and end the matter once and for all. I hope he has the good sense to accept your past. And then ignore this idiot, period. Once your husband knows, his game is up. With your husband’s support you may even consider filing a police complaint to teach him a lesson.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1612 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 16, 2025
Relationship
Dear Anu, Am Shilpa,36 years old.Got married to a friend in 2015.It was a love come arranged.Initially married life was going smooth.I was working before marriage and due to marriage and relocation , discontinued the job. After marriage i started new job even though my husband was against it.Some misunderstanding started between us slowly and most of the adjustments were done by me to avoid fights.After 2 years we were blessed with a baby boy and i had to reluctantly and was also forced to quit job to take care of our kid.And i agreed and things went smoothly again for 3 more years.I got busy with my motherhood. I felt my husband was happy and was changing for the happy family. But i was wrong, he had a physical relationship with his ex college friend. They used to have sex in hotels. They even had sex chats and used to share nude pictures . This broke my heart completely and was disturbed mentally. I wanted to enquire my husband with all the proofs in my hand.without the proof he would prove me mentally retarded women. Initially he asaulted and abused me for blaming on him.But when he knew abt the proofs, he accepted and apologised for his mistake and begged me not to take divorce only for the sake of our son.Even i dropped the idea of divorce thinking the future of our son.Later few months he acted as if he changed himself completely but he always had disrespect on me and my parents. I even suffered domestic violence once which shattered me into pieces. Even then he apologised me and forced me to drop the idea of divorce. I again started to adjust and compromise with my life only because of my kid and his good future as all elders advice. This adjustments continued for few more months.But once i saw his ex girlfriend calls and daughter pics in his mobile, i was again mentally disturbed and after thinking many times, i made up my mind and left him without explanning him . I packed all my luggage and came to my parents with my kid. Now i got a job in which i opted work from home so that i can concentrate on my kid and support myself financially. Am trying to move on but my true love towards him is making it difficult. Please advice me on this Anu mam. The step which i took is right ? After seperation he is harassing me to visit son and kidnapped him 2 times. I really don't want to share my son with him.Please advice what should I do.
Ans: Dear Shilpa,
You have done what you needed to in order to protect your child and your sanity. Your husband could never get over his affair and he possibly won't. He maybe never even tried...

I firmly suggest you go to the cops so that he does not try to take the child away...Also, have you thought about a legal separation? That will offer you and your child enough protection and it will stop his harassment. This is not an easy decision to make BUT what choice is he leaving you with? Kidnapping the child? If by kidnapping you mean that he takes away the child without informing you, please watch out and contact a lawyer. A BIG BIG RED FLAG...Act soon...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |597 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 23, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 16, 2025
Relationship
Ma'am The guy who had a fight with my husband over a text asking him why he stare became a matter of dispute between my husband and that married neighbourhood guy. He thinks m the one flirting with him Over msgs. He still crosses and pass very closely with my husband while going for an evening walk. He is not troubling me and my daughter anymore. He is just busy with my husband now. He would always walk across us. I don't know what else he wants . Do u think my husband should talk with him or wr just have to ignore him. ???
Ans: whether your husband should confront him or ignore him, it depends on what the goal is. If your husband is calm and emotionally steady enough to have a neutral, non-confrontational conversation just to clear the air and draw a respectful boundary, that can be effective. But if there’s any chance the talk would escalate into another argument, it’s better not to feed into the tension. A calm discussion works only when both sides are open to resolution. Otherwise, it can do more harm than good.

Ignoring him, on the other hand, might feel unsatisfying in the short term but often proves to be the most mature and self-protective path in the long run. Some people thrive on reaction. When they don’t get one, they eventually stop trying.

The deeper work here is about your family’s emotional boundaries. Keep your focus on your husband, your daughter, and your home’s peace. Don’t let someone else’s unresolved emotions hijack your daily life. If this man isn't actively threatening or interfering anymore, let silence and indifference be your strength. Let your husband know that you trust his judgment but also encourage him to respond from a place of calm—not pride or anger.

Sometimes, the most powerful message you can send to people like this is that they no longer hold any space in your mind, heart, or life. Peace is more powerful than confrontation.

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