Hi , I am 26 years old and married for four months now , I have a good relationship with my husband and in laws while staying in their home. My parents stay at a distance of 30 mins from my in laws home , while my parents expect me to be with them at least two days a week , I have tried to cut the days down. Now I am with my husband but as my father went out of the station for 5-6 days and my mom can't stay alone , I want to go and support her. Is that correct? I am with my husband from past 8 days nonstop n didn't go to my parents, now if I go it seems to have a problem with my in laws as they think I am going to my home very often

Dear Anu, I have been married for 3 years. Everything is going well with my husband except there is one problem. If there is anything wrong done by his parents, he never takes a stand or protests.My in-laws are not very friendly people.After our marriage they have never tried to keep in touch with my parents or at least have the courtesy to invite once to their house. My parents have frequently tried to invite them and also tried to keep contact but nothing is achieved if it's one-sided. I told my husband about all this but he never ever tried to explain or correct them of their wrong doings.My mother-in-law had also insulted me few times raising questions on how I was brought up within the first year of our marriage. And later as well. I work and sometimes due to prolong working hours I am not able to contribute to household work. My mother-in-law started asking if at all I do any household work or whether I am always busy with my office work. She already knew that I would be working after marriage and was fine with it.Because of the lockdown we are staying with them for a long period and I am embarrassed to tell this but every day is killing me. When I stay with them I have to be a totally different person. I have to live their lifestyle which is totally opposite to how I used to live with my husband alone.Because of all the above circumstances, I am not keen on staying with them. I don't see a future where I can stay with them. I am ready to take care of them but can't stay under one roof. My husband is well aware of my feelings. But never does anything about it. Every time I tell him, he blames me that I don't want him to stay with his parents. Else he takes good care of me and is a good person. My parents also like him except this one complaint.I am totally clueless now how to make him understand because we end up fighting rather than discussing. In the long run I can't stay with my in-laws because our lifestyle doesn't match and of course the hurtful things they have done. They are not even ready to adjust rather would expect me to completely change for them. And that's what dreads me.I can't live in this way for long. It is causing me a lot of mental stress.Please provide your valuable suggestions.

Hello Anu, I am from Lucknow, with a pregnant wife and a son. I moved out of Lucknow after 2006 and since then I have never lived with them. But since Covid, I suffered a few setbacks in career and had to move back to Lucknow to live with my parents. It was a move out of force. Now, I am kind of doing ok in my career but feel like stuck at home. I don't get respect from my parents, there's absolutely no communication. My father is borderline narcissist and alpha male - everything has to happen the way he wants. His behavior changes drastically if we do anything without asking him or his consent. My mother and wife are not in best terms though I cannot say they are enemies. My mother has a super soft spot for my sister who lives in another city, she seems the pain even for my lady cook but not for my pregnant wife. Some times I have seen things in front of my eyes and I didn't like how my wife was treated. I feel no one deserves this - I would not have tolerated it myself so I cannot expect her. Now the thing is I want to move out of my parents place but without hurting their feelings. They are attached to their grandson and I feel I will be called out as the bad guy here if I try to move out. I feel that some distance will actually mend things as things were not this bad when I was living in another city. I don't know how to put up this conversation since it will mostly be striked out in the first place, I am scared of their reaction as they don't really support me or my concerns most of the time. I feel stuck every day and want to live life on my own, want to do things on my own. Make mistakes, but my mistakes. Also if I start this conversation, there's a chance that my parents might feel that this is because of my wife! Though that's not the case, it's me. If you can provide me any inputs or help, that would be great.

Hello, I am 38 years old. I have been living abroad since I was 21 years old. I have been focused on my career since then. I got married in 2021 in India and just after 4 months living in India, we again moved abroad. This country was new for me and my my wife, but my brother was already settled in this country with his family. As I was living away from my family for many years, me and my wife decided to live in a joint family with my brother’s family. However, I was quite busy adjusting to my new job, my wife couldn’t adjust well to my side of the family, my brother, his wife and my mother. After living together with everyone for a year, me and my wife decided to live separately from my side of the family. Now after 5 months my wife became pregnant and we both wanted to have a child. So even though my family was quite close and could have supported us during this time. I decided to sponsor my in laws on a visa so that my wife could feel supportive during this time. We had a girl child and I have avoided to communicate to my family during this one year so that my wife doesn’t get any stress or anything from my family. However as soon as we had a child, I have invited my mother and my brother family to visit my daughter. Now my in laws have started quarreling with me once in a while. And they convinced my wife to go to India with them. My wife has been living in India since last 6 months, they would never let me see my daughter over the phone call, and whenever I called them they would ask me for the money/gifts. Let me add to that when I went abroad, my wife was not working initially and I used to give her 30% of my salary and I used to bear all the expenses. When my in laws started living with us, I over heard them talking if I continued having relationship with my side of the family, she would buy her a home in India and take my daughter away from me. Now recently I came to India to get everything sorted, I do not think my wife would be willing to come with me without my in laws. How could I convince her to start over and repair our relationship for us and our beautiful daughter.

I've been married for 19 years. We live in a joint family with my husband and in-laws. Since last year, my father has recently become bedridden and needs constant care. Since he lives in another city, I have been travelling constantly to take turns to attend him. I want to bring him to our home, but my mother-in-law strongly objects saying they will lose their privacy. My husband tries to mediate but often ends up siding with his mother, saying she's getting old too. I am not able to decide being a daughter and a daughter-in-law. Is it unfair of me to expect support for my father, or am I compromising too much in this marriage?