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Kanchan Rai |646 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 23, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more

Asked by Anonymous - May 11, 2025

Hello ma'am! I live with my wife, daughter and in-laws in a flat allotted to my wife. In-laws are living with us for the last 8 years. They came to help during the early years of daughter. But they stayed. Over the last few years my relationship with my wife and of course in-laws has turned sour. We often fight and these don't get resolved easily. Most of the decisions are taken by them. I often feel like an outside person. My contribution has gone down both financially and physically. I tried to persuade my wife to move some where else but she refused. Discussed the same with in-laws but surprisingly accused me of playing tactics to make my wife follow my terms. The child over the years seeing all this follows only her mother. No one seems to be interested in any remedial measures. Wife (multiple times) and father in law have suggested divorce. Despite all this and multiple discussions with wife things are not moving forward. My parents don't support separation at this moment. Completely puzzled how to move forward. [I am 47 years old]

Ans: At this stage, you are not just puzzled—you are emotionally stuck. So here’s what you need: clarity, not just from them, but from yourself. Ask yourself, truly and without fear—can I continue to live like this for the next 5 or 10 years? Is preserving this situation in its current form serving anyone’s emotional well-being, especially your own?

You don’t need to rush into decisions, but you do need to step into a position of emotional self-respect. You have the right to seek peace, meaning, and mutual respect in a marriage—and if that space no longer exists in your current home, then you are justified in seeking a new one. Sometimes, the courage to choose your own sanity is the first real step forward.

Whether that means separation, legal counseling, or even mediated family intervention, it’s time to act—not just wait. You’ve already been told where they stand. The question now is: where do you stand, and what are you willing to accept for the rest of your life?

The answer may not be easy, but it will be yours—and that is the beginning of reclaiming your strength and direction.

Asked on - May 23, 2025 | Answered on May 25, 2025

Thanks

Ans: best wishes

Asked on - May 26, 2025 | Answered on Jul 24, 2025

I got your point. The reason I am still in this relationship is the child. Scared of the possibility that my separation from the family will negatively inpact her mental well being and growth. This is despite the fact that I don't carry much importance in her life at this moment. It's a tough decision indeed.

Ans: The truth is, children don’t just hear what we say—they absorb the emotional environment around them. Even if your daughter seems distant now, she notices the tension, the imbalance, and how you're being treated. Growing up in a home where one parent is sidelined can quietly shape her understanding of love, respect, and relationships.

If you choose to separate, what matters most is how you do it—and how present and consistent you remain as her father. A peaceful co-parenting dynamic can sometimes offer more stability than a hostile, emotionally divided home.

You haven’t failed by staying this long. But it's also not wrong to want peace and dignity. This decision isn’t easy—but choosing your emotional well-being can also be an act of love toward your child. Consider speaking with a family therapist to help plan your next steps.