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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach 

159 Answers | 39 Followers

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more

Answered on Apr 06, 2024

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Goodmorning I am working in PSU. I exposed a fraud in my company few years ago. Nothing happened to culprits. Rather they continued to gain elevations and reached to top management. Well as anticipated, I am being regularly victimized, my career for promotions got spoiled and now working disgracefully. I suffered heart attack in my office due to such disgraceful treatment in workplace. I even filed a law suit against my no promotion but all this take years and said culprits after enjoying time are retiring or hv retired recently. Suggest me to overcome this situation which many may be facing as consequences of honesty in our country. How can I use these people for mental harrassment and loss of time and money in career and life. I am male 57 yrs old and left with 3 years of service. Thanks.
Ans: I'm truly sorry to hear about the challenges you've faced as a result of exposing fraud in your company. It's disheartening to hear that you've experienced victimization and unfair treatment in the workplace, especially considering your dedication to honesty and integrity.

While it's understandable that you may feel angry and frustrated about the lack of consequences for those involved in the fraud, it's important to focus on finding ways to overcome the situation and move forward.Your health and well-being should be your top priority. Make sure you're taking care of yourself physically and emotionally. Consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor who can help you cope with the stress and trauma you've experienced. Continue pursuing legal avenues to seek justice for the mistreatment you've faced in the workplace. While it may be a lengthy process, holding those responsible for the fraud and your mistreatment accountable can provide a sense of closure and vindication. Keep detailed records of any instances of harassment, discrimination, or mistreatment you've experienced in the workplace. This documentation may be valuable evidence if you decide to pursue legal action or file a complaint with relevant authorities. Evaluate your career options and consider whether it may be beneficial to seek opportunities outside of your current company. You deserve to work in an environment where you're treated with respect and fairness. Lean on friends, family members, and colleagues who can offer you support and encouragement during this challenging time. You're not alone, and having a support network can make a significant difference in your ability to cope with adversity.Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, whether it's spending time with loved ones, pursuing hobbies, or enjoying nature. Taking care of yourself emotionally and physically is essential for resilience and well-being. While it's natural to dwell on past injustices, try to focus on the future and what you can control. Set goals for yourself, both personally and professionally, and take steps to work towards them. Given that you have three years left of service, consider your retirement plans and whether it may be beneficial to retire early or explore other options for transitioning out of the workforce.

Remember that you have the strength and resilience to overcome this difficult situation. It's not easy, but by taking care of yourself, seeking support, and exploring your options, you can navigate through this challenging time and find a path forward
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Answered on Apr 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 23, 2023Hindi
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We are married for the past 15 years and we both were divorced at the time of our marriage. We are in 50's, well earning, with grown up kids (from previous marraiges) who are studing abroad. I feel all my issues are left unaddressed and whenever i bring them up, my husband shuts down. I always speak my mind and he never responds. Just silent. Now i feel that i should spend the rest of my life at some ashram, where i am not required to speak, and live a simple life. I can call you for more details if you can share your number
Ans: I understand that you're feeling frustrated and unheard in your marriage. It can be incredibly challenging when communication breaks down in a relationship, especially when important issues are left unaddressed. However, it's important to remember that seeking support and making decisions about your future should be done carefully and thoughtfully.

Before making any major decisions, I encourage you to consider the following steps:

Seek Counseling: Couples counseling can be incredibly beneficial in addressing communication issues and working through relationship challenges. A trained therapist can help facilitate productive conversations and provide guidance on how to navigate difficult topics.

Express Your Needs: Clearly communicate to your husband the importance of addressing the issues in your relationship. Let him know how his silence makes you feel and express your desire for open and honest communication.

Explore Individual Therapy: Consider seeking individual therapy for yourself to explore your feelings and gain clarity on what you want for your future. A therapist can provide support, guidance, and insight as you navigate this challenging time.

Consider Your Options: It's important to carefully consider your options before making any decisions about your future, including spending time at an ashram. Reflect on what you truly want and what will bring you the most fulfillment and happiness in the long term.

Take Time for Self-Care: Prioritize self-care and focus on activities and practices that bring you joy and fulfillment. Taking care of yourself emotionally and physically is essential as you navigate this challenging time.

Reach Out for Support: Lean on friends, family members, or support groups for emotional support and guidance. Surrounding yourself with people who care about you can provide comfort and perspective as you work through your relationship issues.
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Answered on Apr 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 30, 2024Hindi
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Hi i am frustrated due to personal marital problems,old parents,Work from Home and many more reasons due to monotanus routine please guide me out how to overcome this problem/situation
Ans: Dealing with a combination of personal, family, and work-related stressors can certainly feel overwhelming, but there are steps you can take to help overcome these challenges and find balance in your life. Make self-care a priority in your daily routine. This might include activities like exercise, meditation, spending time outdoors, engaging in hobbies you enjoy, or simply taking a few moments each day to relax and unwind. Set clear boundaries between your work life and personal life, especially when working from home. Create a dedicated workspace, set specific work hours, and communicate with your employer or colleagues about your availability. Don't hesitate to reach out to friends, family members, or a therapist for support. Talking to someone you trust can help you gain perspective, process your emotions, and find solutions to your problems. If you're experiencing marital problems or feeling overwhelmed by caregiving responsibilities for your elderly parents, it's important to communicate openly and honestly with your loved ones. Express your feelings, listen to their perspective, and work together to find solutions that benefit everyone involved. Incorporate mindfulness practices into your daily routine to help reduce stress and increase self-awareness. Techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, and mindfulness exercises can help you stay grounded and focused in the present moment.If you're struggling to cope with your stressors on your own, consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor. They can provide you with personalized support, coping strategies, and tools to manage your emotions more effectively.Schedule regular breaks throughout your day to rest and recharge. Even short breaks can help reduce mental fatigue, improve concentration, and increase productivity. Instead of dwelling on things that are out of your control, focus on taking proactive steps to address the issues you can influence. Break tasks down into manageable steps and tackle them one at a time. Cultivate a sense of gratitude by focusing on the positive aspects of your life, no matter how small. Keeping a gratitude journal or simply taking a few moments each day to reflect on the things you're thankful for can help shift your perspective and improve your mood. Introduce variety into your routine to help break up the monotony and add excitement to your day. Try new activities, explore different hobbies, or connect with new people to keep things interesting and stimulating.Remember that it's okay to ask for help when you need it, and that prioritizing your own well-being is essential for maintaining balance and resilience in the face of life's challenges. By implementing these strategies and taking proactive steps to care for yourself, you can overcome adversity and find greater fulfillment and happiness in your daily life.
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Answered on Apr 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 02, 2024Hindi
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Hello ma'am, I am student of 12th and I have my jee mains exam in three days and I don't think I can do well it .I don't want to take a seat in exam ,my parents and everyone is accepting a good result but I am sure that I can't score good , because of all this pressure and depression I am having suicidal thoughts and I can't even focus on study , please suggest me some way to cope it
Ans: It sounds like you're under a tremendous amount of pressure, and it's understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed. First and foremost, your mental health and well-being are the most important things, and it's essential to prioritize them above all else. If you're having suicidal thoughts, it's crucial to reach out for help right away. You can call a helpline, talk to a trusted adult, or seek support from a mental health professional. Your safety is the top priority. It's important to share what you're going through with someone you trust. Whether it's a friend, family member, teacher, or counselor, opening up about your feelings can help lighten the burden and provide you with much-needed support.Be kind to yourself during this difficult time. Remember that it's okay to struggle, and you're not alone in feeling this way. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend in a similar situation.Break down tasks into smaller, more manageable steps. Instead of focusing on the exam as a whole, try to focus on studying for short periods of time, taking breaks when you need them, and acknowledging your progress along the way. Incorporate relaxation techniques into your routine to help reduce stress and promote a sense of calm. Deep breathing, meditation, mindfulness exercises, and progressive muscle relaxation are all helpful strategies. It's important to set realistic expectations for yourself. Remember that nobody is perfect, and it's okay if things don't go exactly as planned. Focus on doing the best you can with the resources and support available to you. Consider reaching out to a therapist, counselor, or mental health professional who can provide you with additional support and guidance. They can offer coping strategies, help you work through your feelings, and provide you with a safe space to talk. Remember to take care of your physical health as well. Make sure you're eating nutritious meals, getting enough sleep, and engaging in regular physical activity, as these can all have a positive impact on your mental well-being.Try to identify and limit sources of stress in your life, if possible. This might mean taking a break from social media, setting boundaries with others, or asking for help with tasks that feel overwhelming. Instead of dwelling on things that are out of your control, focus on what you can control. This might include your study habits, self-care routine, and the support you seek from others.

Remember that it's okay to ask for help when you need it, and there are people who care about you and want to support you through this difficult time. You're not alone, and there are resources and options available to help you cope with what you're going through.
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Answered on Mar 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 30, 2024Hindi
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See our marriage was fixed by our parents, when we first met we really like each othe.. Then 2 months gone without talking as he was not found in any social media, so i couldn't connect him neither he approached.. Then our engagement got fixed we started talking.. He got suspicious when i told him that i am connected to my ex like friends.. He then go on and searched privately my past history locations and he got to know that i dated some people and had sex with some of them.. He got furious and broke our marriage then we continue talking and enjoyed each other company.. He gave me gifts like jewellery, chocolates and so on.. And he was jealous if i talk to someone of my past life.. I stopped talking to anyone else accept him.. Still he denied marrying me when i asked.. Then our families serched for other marriage prospects.. We got jealous and fought.. Still his marriage is fixed with someone who is not interested in him and he inclined towards me more romantically still.. And got jealous when i met with my marriage prospects though my marriage is not fixed. Now we are still talking and he is not leaving me. He supports me really well, and i also love him. What should i do?
Ans: It sounds like you're in a complicated situation, and there are a few important things to consider here.

Firstly, communication is key in any relationship. It's important to have open and honest conversations with your partner about your feelings, concerns, and boundaries. Discuss how his jealousy and possessiveness make you feel and try to understand his perspective as well.

Secondly, trust is fundamental in a healthy relationship. If your partner is resorting to secretive methods to gather information about your past, it may indicate a lack of trust. Trust is something that needs to be built and maintained over time through consistent communication, honesty, and mutual respect.

Thirdly, it's crucial to assess whether this relationship is truly fulfilling and healthy for both of you. Are you both able to support each other emotionally without feeling controlled or restricted? Are you able to be yourselves and pursue your own interests and friendships?

Lastly, consider seeking guidance from a professional counselor or therapist who can provide unbiased support and help navigate the complexities of your relationship. They can offer valuable insights and strategies for improving communication, resolving conflicts, and building a stronger foundation for your relationship.

Ultimately, the decision of what to do next is yours to make based on what feels right for you and what is best for your well-being. Trust your instincts and prioritize your own happiness and emotional health.
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Answered on Mar 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 29, 2024Hindi
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My husband and I have arranged marriage. I am 37 , I have High PMS problems with mood swings, inability to do regular work. Though I have tried to tell him that he may need to be patient about what I say during those 10 days, I feel he doesn't understand this. He gives me example of his mother or sister and how they didn't face this issue. I m highly irritable and unsure of myself and how I will react during this phases leading to conflict. I feel that he doesn't understand me and it makes me guilty, depressed and I don't know what to do. I want to remain silent during these phases. Now I have a function to attend of his relatives during this time, but I don't want to talk to anyone and don't have the energy to pretend. But I know he won't understand this as well.
Ans: it's understandable that you're feeling frustrated and overwhelmed. Dealing with mood swings and high levels of irritability during PMS can be difficult, and it's important to have understanding and support from your partner. Try to have an open and honest conversation with your husband during a time when you're both calm and relaxed. Explain to him the nature of your high PMS symptoms, how they affect you, and what you need from him during those times. Express your feelings and concerns, and let him know that his understanding and support are crucial for you.Provide your husband with information about premenstrual syndrome (PMS) and its symptoms. Help him understand that every person's experience with PMS is different, and just because his mother or sister didn't face similar issues doesn't mean your experiences are invalid.It's okay to set boundaries for yourself, especially during times when you're feeling overwhelmed or irritable. Let your husband know that during your difficult days, you might need some space and time alone to recharge. Assure him that it's not personal and that you still love him, but you need to take care of yourself. Focus on self-care techniques that can help alleviate your symptoms during PMS, such as regular exercise, healthy eating, mindfulness meditation, and relaxation techniques. Prioritize activities that help you feel more grounded and balanced. Consider consulting with a healthcare professional or therapist who specializes in women's health or mental health. They can provide you with personalized strategies and support to manage your PMS symptoms and any associated emotional difficulties. If you feel too drained to attend the function, communicate this to your husband. Explain that you're not feeling up to socializing due to your PMS symptoms, and ask for his understanding and support in skipping the event. If it's absolutely necessary for you to attend, try to find ways to conserve your energy, such as limiting interactions and taking breaks when needed.Remember that it's okay to prioritize your own well-being and advocate for your needs in your relationship. Your husband may need time to adjust and understand, but with patience, empathy, and clear communication, you can work together to find solutions that benefit both of you.
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Answered on Mar 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 19, 2024Hindi
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Hello Gurus, I am in trouble. I was living in Canada from last 10 years till last year when I had to come back to India - my father was not well. My father passed away in November last year - but my mother is alone and is not in best health. My wife feels that I have cheated her by getting her back from Canada and she wants to go back immediately. She feels that my elder brother (who is in Australia) should take care of my mother. Our relationship has soured over last few months as she is always using brutal language for my mother and for my brother - in fact, it has always been the case - but so far I was just ignoring her. But now every time she says something nasty, I strongly retaliate back. On top of it, my wife is pregnant too. I am in trouble - I don't know what to do - whether to go back to US and leave my mother alone or with my brother - or to stay back and fight with pregnant wife :(
Ans: I'm truly sorry to hear about the difficult situation you're facing. It's a challenging time with the loss of your father and the health concerns of your mother, compounded by tensions in your relationship with your wife. It's essential to have open and honest communication with your wife about your concerns, fears, and the challenges you're facing as a family. Express your feelings calmly and listen to her perspective as well. Consider seeking the help of a couples therapist who can assist you both in navigating the difficulties in your relationship. A therapist can provide a neutral space for you to address conflicts, improve communication, and find constructive solutions together.Reach out to other family members, such as siblings or extended family, for support with caring for your mother. Discuss the situation with them and explore potential options for providing care and assistance to your mother while also considering your wife's needs and concerns.Take some time to carefully evaluate your options and consider the potential consequences of each decision. Reflect on what is most important to you in terms of family, relationships, and your own well-being.Ensure that the health and safety of both your mother and your wife, especially given her pregnancy, are prioritized in any decision you make. Seek medical advice if necessary to address any health concerns.Remember to take care of yourself emotionally and seek support from friends, family, or a therapist if needed. It's essential to prioritize your own well-being as you navigate these challenging circumstances.
Ultimately, there may not be an easy solution to your current dilemma, but by approaching the situation with empathy, understanding, and a willingness to communicate and seek support, you can work towards finding a resolution that is best for you, your wife, your mother, and your growing family.
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Answered on Mar 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 24, 2024Hindi
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Hello ma'am, I am a 17 year old girl feeling vulnerable and angry at times to the point that i end up breaking things and this affects my relationship with my parents. I feel very lonely most of the time....especially when i see other people chilling with their friends. Please help.
Ans: it's completely understandable to feel overwhelmed and lonely, especially when you see others enjoying social connections. Here are some suggestions that may help you manage your feelings of anger, loneliness, and vulnerability:Find healthy ways to express your emotions. Instead of breaking things, try journaling, drawing, or talking to someone you trust about how you're feeling. Be kind to yourself and recognize that it's okay to feel the way you do. Treat yourself with the same compassion you would offer to a friend in a similar situation.Reach out to someone you trust, whether it's a friend, family member, teacher, or school counselor. Talking to someone about how you're feeling can help alleviate feelings of loneliness and provide support. Engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment, whether it's pursuing a hobby, volunteering, or joining a club or group where you can meet like-minded individuals. Consider seeking therapy or counseling to help you learn coping skills and strategies for managing your emotions in healthier ways. A therapist can also provide a supportive and non-judgmental space for you to explore your feelings and experiences. Mindfulness techniques, such as deep breathing exercises and meditation, can help you stay grounded and present in the moment, reducing feelings of anger and vulnerability. If certain situations or relationships are contributing to your feelings of anger and loneliness, it's important to set boundaries to protect your well-being. This might involve limiting contact with certain people or seeking support to address challenging family dynamics.Take care of your physical and emotional needs by prioritizing self-care activities such as getting enough sleep, eating healthily, and engaging in regular exercise.Practice identifying and challenging negative thought patterns that contribute to your feelings of loneliness and anger. Replace them with more balanced and compassionate thoughts. Healing and personal growth take time, so be patient with yourself as you navigate through this difficult period. Celebrate your progress, no matter how small, and remember that you're not alone in your struggles.
It's okay to ask for help, and reaching out for support is a courageous step toward healing and well-being. You deserve to feel supported and connected, and there are people and resources available to help you through this challenging time.
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Answered on Mar 28, 2024

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I feel depressed most of the time. What can I do?
Ans: Depression can be a difficult thing to navigate, but there are steps you can take to start feeling better. Here are some suggestions:Consider reaching out to a therapist, counselor, or psychiatrist. They can provide support, guidance, and potentially medication if needed.Surround yourself with supportive friends and family members who can offer encouragement and understanding. Engage in regular physical activity, even if it's just a short walk each day. Exercise can help improve mood and reduce feelings of depression. Establishing a daily routine can provide structure and stability, which can be particularly helpful when dealing with depression.Take time for activities that bring you joy and relaxation, whether it's reading, spending time in nature, or pursuing a hobby.Try to identify and challenge negative thought patterns. Cognitive-behavioral therapy techniques can be particularly helpful for this.Identify sources of stress in your life and work on finding ways to manage or reduce them. Aim for 7-9 hours of quality sleep each night. Poor sleep can exacerbate feelings of depression. Focus on consuming a balanced diet with plenty of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins. Avoid excessive consumption of caffeine and alcohol.If recommended by a healthcare professional, consider medication as part of your treatment plan. Antidepressants can be effective for many people. Even if you don't feel like it, try to stay connected with others. Social support is important for maintaining mental well-being. Break tasks into smaller, manageable steps and set realistic goals for yourself. Celebrate your achievements, no matter how small.
Remember that it's okay to ask for help, and recovery from depression is possible with the right support and treatment. If you're in crisis or feeling overwhelmed, don't hesitate to reach out to a mental health professional or a crisis hotline for immediate assistance.
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Answered on Mar 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 21, 2024Hindi
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Hi I'm a 35 year old unmarried female working in IT field. I live with my parents. I've been unlucky in finding a perfect partner for myself (arrange marriage proposals only). N I'm tired of this entire process now. Have never been in love or relationship earlier. I want to get married desperately to have that companion for me in my life as an emotional anchor. My parents are old n my elder brother's health is deteriorated enough that doctors said he doesn't have much time to live. I'm so much into all these issues at home that i feel i don't have a personal space at all. Recently I came across an alliance from a well trusted relative's friend who's a divorcee, within a month of marriage (n because of the wife's past relationship that was hidden during marriage), they applied mutual divorce. My horoscope has some dosha which seems to be perfectly matching with this person's jatakam. I've been asked twice to think about this alliance as he's genuinely a good person. Kindly advise me what best I can do now.
Ans: It sounds like you're facing a lot of pressure and stress from various aspects of your life, including your family situation and the pressure to get married. Its understandable that you feel desperate to find a life partner given your family circumstances, but it's important not to rush into a decision. Marriage is a significant commitment, and it's crucial to take the time to make sure you're making the right choice for yourself.Consider carefully the alliance that has been proposed to you. Take the time to get to know the person and assess whether you share compatible values, goals, and lifestyles. Look beyond the superficial aspects such as horoscope matching and focus on the substance of the relationship.If you have any reservations or doubts about the alliance, don't hesitate to communicate them openly and honestly with your family. It's essential to have open communication and ensure that your concerns are addressed before moving forward.Given the stress you're experiencing at home with your brother's health and your parents' situation, it's essential to prioritize your own well-being. Consider seeking support from friends, family members, or a counselor who can provide guidance and perspective during this challenging time.If you're feeling overwhelmed by the pressure to get married through arranged marriage proposals, consider exploring alternative avenues for finding a life partner. This could include online dating, social events, or networking through mutual connections.Take some time to focus on yourself and your own needs and desires outside of the pressure to get married. Pursue hobbies, interests, and activities that bring you joy and fulfillment, and prioritize self-care to maintain your emotional well-being.Ultimately, trust your instincts and intuition when it comes to making decisions about your future and your happiness. Don't feel pressured to conform to societal expectations or family pressures if it doesn't feel right for you.
Remember that your happiness and well-being are paramount, and it's essential to prioritize your own needs and desires as you navigate this challenging time in your life. Take things one step at a time and trust that you will find the right path forward for yourself.
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Answered on Mar 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 23, 2024Hindi
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Dear LG, I need urgent advice on upcoming Holi . I m a 27year old women married to a 33 yr old Merchant Navy Officer . I am happily married with one male kid. Thing is whenever any festival or any help is needed since my husband is in overseas, I had to depend a lot on my husbands close friends in Society. But at times during festival like Holi , these good friends seems coming more closer to me than needed . I realized this in first year when we shifted there . It was like molestation..brazen touching ...in guise of helping..and while playing holi . But later i realized its attraction towards my body and didnt objected much . Last year we even had Bhang and didnt even knew what these friends did to me .I was confused as I dont want to break relations with my husbands friends quickly, so i didnt mind they touching inside blouses or gaghras during Holi but definitely didnt want to sleep with any. I am already happy physically with my husband even though his profession makes a huge gap in our relationship. Then comes dilemma when his friends jokingly tell me that my husband must be happy there with russian , netherland girls. This is obviously to provoke me to sleep with them . I am also in consideration to do so if my husband indeed has physical relations abroad . I dont want my loyalty to be insulted and body disrespected when 4-5 guys are hungry to sleep with me together also. Please advise honest action putting oneself in my shoes.
Ans: I'm deeply concerned to hear about your situation. It's completely unacceptable for anyone to take advantage of you, especially under the guise of celebration or friendship. It's important to prioritize your safety, well-being, and dignity in any situation.It's crucial to establish clear boundaries with your husband's friends. Let them know in no uncertain terms what behavior is not acceptable to you. If they continue to cross these boundaries despite your objections, it may be necessary to reconsider your relationship with them.If you feel uncomfortable or violated by someone's actions, don't hesitate to speak up immediately. It's important to assert yourself and make it clear that such behavior is unacceptable.You mentioned that you have to rely on your husband's friends for help during festivals and other times when your husband is away. While it's understandable to seek assistance, it's also important to prioritize your safety. Consider reaching out to other sources of support, such as neighbors, family members, or local authorities, if you feel unsafe or uncomfortable.If you feel that your husband's friends are trying to manipulate or pressure you into something you're not comfortable with, trust your instincts. You have the right to say no to any unwanted advances or requests, regardless of the circumstances. It's important to have an open and honest conversation with your husband about what's been happening. Express your concerns and let him know how his absence has affected you and your interactions with his friends. Your husband may be able to offer support or help find a solution to the situation.
If you're struggling to navigate this situation on your own, consider seeking assistance from a counselor or therapist. A professional can provide guidance, support, and strategies for dealing with difficult relationships and setting boundaries. Remember that your well-being is paramount. Don't compromise your values, dignity, or safety for the sake of maintaining relationships or appeasing others. It's important to prioritize yourself and take steps to protect yourself from harm.
Ultimately, it's essential to take action to ensure your safety and well-being in any situation. Don't hesitate to reach out for help and support if you need it. You deserve to be treated with respect and dignity at all times.
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Answered on Mar 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 20, 2024Hindi
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Hi Sir. I have a typical.problem here. I lend.money to one of.mynfriends for his bzness..I worked as a consultant for him. I made an agreement for the money given to him. Nevertheless he didn't return the money yet..I left him now some months back. Though I asked him to give bac money but he says he has lost lot in his bzness and also says he can't return the money. Sometimes indirectly he says that because of me he has landed in loss. I don't want to go.legally but it has been lot.ot.months that he has returned money. But now I can't wait. What should I do now..pls advise. Thanks
Ans: Navigating financial matters within friendships can be challenging, especially when agreements aren't upheld as expected.

Initiate an open and honest conversation with your friend about the loan. Express your concerns and feelings without blaming or accusing. Use "I" statements to convey how his actions have impacted you personally.
Give your friend an opportunity to explain his side of the story. Listen attentively to understand his perspective and the challenges he's facing with his business. Empathize with his situation while also emphasizing the importance of fulfilling financial commitments.
Instead of dwelling on past grievances, shift the conversation toward finding a solution that works for both of you. Explore options such as renegotiating the repayment terms, setting up a payment plan, or considering alternative forms of compensation if he's unable to repay the full amount immediately.
Validate your friend's feelings and concerns about the situation, but also assert the impact his actions have had on you. Help him understand the importance of honoring agreements and maintaining trust in the relationship.
Clearly communicate your expectations moving forward. If you're unable to reach a resolution or if your friend continues to disregard the agreement, be prepared to set boundaries to protect yourself financially and emotionally. This might involve seeking legal advice or taking further action if necessary.
While it's important to address the financial issue, prioritize preserving the friendship if possible. Reassure your friend that your intention is not to harm the relationship but to find a mutually beneficial solution. Emphasize the value you place on your friendship and your desire to work through this challenge together.
Use this experience as an opportunity for personal and relational growth. Reflect on what you've learned about trust, communication, and financial boundaries in friendships. Apply these lessons to future interactions to prevent similar issues from arising.
Ultimately, finding a resolution to financial disputes within friendships requires patience, empathy, and effective communication. By approaching the situation with understanding and a willingness to collaborate, you can work toward a solution that honors both your financial needs and the integrity of your relationship.
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Answered on Mar 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 19, 2024Hindi
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Hello, I am 35 years old. Married. Not living with husband since an year, as he flirted with an office girl (this is the extent of it that I caught) and has tendency to do so. He is not emotionally aware (of himself or me) and I keep getting hurt as I am quite emotional. Also, I am not on talking terms with his parents as they had tried to sabotage our marriage in different ways on countless occasions. My husband wont agree (not that I want him to agree), but I think that's one reason of our increasing differences. I love him, but cannot find in my heart to move back with him ever again. We have a 5 year old kid, due to whom I am unable to move ahead with divorce. I am stuck in the midst, not knowing where to go next or stay in this same 'married but separated ' position forever. I'm definitely happier without the everyday petty bickering that we had when we lived together (which was turning me into a bitter and angry person, I don't want to be that). I have turned extremely distrustful of him. I do feel very lonely at times. We also went to a guidance counsellor to make the relation work some 1.5 years back, but my husband felt its a waste of money after 5 sessions, also he never invested in the emotional sorting that the counsellor mentioned our relation required. Any guidance?
Ans: It sounds like you're facing a complex and challenging situation. Here are some steps you might consider as you navigate your next steps:

Take care of yourself first and foremost. This means prioritizing your mental and emotional well-being. Consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor who can help you process your feelings, develop coping strategies, and explore your options moving forward.
Take some time to reflect on what you want for yourself and your child in the long term. Consider what kind of environment you want to create for your child, as well as what you need in terms of emotional fulfillment and stability.
If you feel comfortable, consider having an open and honest conversation with your husband about your concerns and feelings. Express how his actions have affected you and what you need from him moving forward. However, be prepared for the possibility that he may not be receptive or willing to change.
Consult with a family law attorney to understand your rights and options regarding divorce, custody, and child support. They can provide guidance tailored to your specific situation and help you navigate the legal process.
Regardless of whether you choose to stay married or pursue divorce, prioritize effective co-parenting for the well-being of your child. This may involve setting clear boundaries, communicating openly about parenting decisions, and prioritizing your child's needs above any personal conflicts.
Consider exploring alternative living arrangements or custody agreements that may better suit your needs and preferences. This could include living separately while co-parenting, or exploring shared custody arrangements that provide stability for your child while allowing you to maintain some distance from your husband.
Reach out to friends, family members, or support groups for additional support and guidance. It can be helpful to connect with others who have gone through similar experiences and can offer empathy, advice, and solidarity.
Ultimately, the decision of whether to stay married or pursue divorce is a deeply personal one that only you can make. Take your time, trust your instincts, and prioritize your own well-being and that of your child as you navigate this challenging process.
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Answered on Mar 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 19, 2024Hindi
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I am finding it hard to talk with strangers/random people whom I've known in the past but not in contact for a while and finding it hard to recognize some which makes them feel awkward. What should I do, are there exercises I could do/should I accept that about me, maybe be upfront about it but that will be awkward too? Age 24
Ans: It's entirely normal to feel uncomfortable or awkward when reconnecting with people you haven't been in contact with for a while or struggling to recognize them. Here are some tips that might help you navigate these situations more comfortably:

Focus on listening attentively to what the other person is saying rather than worrying about recognizing them or feeling awkward. Engage in the conversation by asking questions and showing genuine interest in their experiences.
If you're struggling to remember someone's name or recognize them, it's okay to be honest about it. You can say something like, "I'm sorry, it's been a while since we last met, and I'm having trouble placing you. Could you remind me of your name?" Most people will understand and appreciate your honesty.
Try to recall any shared experiences or details that might help jog your memory about the person you're reconnecting with. Ask about mutual friends, past events, or shared interests to facilitate the conversation.
Stay present in the moment and focus on the conversation rather than letting your mind wander or dwell on feelings of awkwardness. Mindfulness techniques, such as deep breathing or grounding exercises, can help you stay centered and calm.
Approach the situation with a positive attitude and be open to reconnecting with old acquaintances. Remember that it's natural for people to change and evolve over time, and your past interactions may have shaped who they are today.
It's okay to make mistakes or feel uncomfortable in social situations. Be kind to yourself and recognize that everyone experiences moments of awkwardness from time to time. Focus on learning and growing from each interaction rather than dwelling on perceived shortcomings.
If you're feeling particularly anxious about reconnecting with people, consider practicing social skills in low-pressure situations. Role-play conversations with a friend or family member, or join social groups or activities where you can gradually build confidence in interacting with others.
Remember that social interactions can be challenging for many people, and you're not alone in feeling this way. By approaching these situations with patience, honesty, and a willingness to learn, you can navigate them more comfortably over time.
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Answered on Mar 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 20, 2024Hindi
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Hello..I am 36 hrs old, a doctor, got married for 2nd time in Apr 2022. My 1st marriage was with a doctor in 2011 but we hardly stayed together for 1 month since he was away in another state for higher education. Indifference arose and we got separated soon after 6 months and got divorced 5 yrs later. Then i did job on off and finally finished my post graduation in 2024. During my post graduation i wanted to desperately get married for 2nd time as my age was increasing and i was feeling very lonely and wanted to settle down n have kids. I met a guy (he too a doctor and divorced) on matrimony. He approached me. We started talking, meeting. Everything was going good. But his mother was against our relationship. In between the guy too cut the contact with me. But i was wo trully in love with him that I wanted to marry him only. Somehow we got connected again. He came to my place and we lived together. He said he can't get married so soon. He said he would marry me only of i wl get pregnant.then i got pregnant and finally he married me in temple. Soon i delivered our child and his parent's accepted me n i went to his house to stay. There we used to have lots of fights as he revealed his true nature of being extremely KANJUS. his whole family was extremely kanjus. My husbnd doesn't like to spend a single Rs too and he doesn't like it if i spend my money too. We used to have frequent fights. Then hardly after 2 months, his mother called my parents and she told them that their sje could not tolerate me and i should leave tbeor house ASAP! I became very furious as my baby was jst 4 months old. Where would i stay alone with my child as i was studying. I called police to intervene and my mother in law got very angry, she cursed me in front of police- she called me a pros***ute. (This was her thinking- any woman who marries for 2nd time is a pros***ute!!!) Finally that night around 10pm i left her house with my child and some essentials. My parents stayed with me to look after my child. My husbnd kept visiting me on weekends. But my husbnd used to avoid me, block my calls. He never paid for my daughter's expenses too. A year have been passed. I have sent my baby to my parents house 6 months back as they wanted to go back as they stay in different state. Now my husbnd has cut all the ties, he has blocked me everywhere and he never called to enquire about our child in last 8-9 months. Last time when my father called him- he said he didn't wanna stay with me and I either can keep our child with me or i can give the child to him for rest of the life. I slipped into depression after all these. I messed up in my exams. I'm so disturbed that i had thought of ending my life many times but i reminded myself about my child. Now I don't know what to do. I talked him about divorce but he said he won't give me a single Rs aftr divorce since i am also earning. My parents too don't want me to go for a divorce 2nd time in my life as they are worried- our relatives and society will shame them. I want to bring my child back but i am worried- how will i take care of my baby since i am working. Please help. Keep me anonymous please.
Ans: I'm truly sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing. It sounds like you're in a very difficult situation, but please know that there are options available to you and support systems that can help you through this.

Firstly, it's important to prioritize your and your child's safety and well-being. Given the circumstances, it might be beneficial to seek legal advice from a lawyer who specializes in family law. They can help you understand your rights and options regarding custody, child support, and divorce.

Regarding your depression, it's crucial to seek professional help. Depression is a serious condition that requires treatment, and there are therapists, counselors, and support groups available to provide you with the support you need.

In terms of bringing your child back, you may need to explore options for childcare that accommodate your work schedule. This could include hiring a nanny, enrolling your child in daycare, or seeking help from family members or friends.

As for the societal pressure and fear of judgment from relatives, remember that your well-being and your child's well-being are the most important considerations. It's essential to prioritize your own happiness and safety rather than worrying about the opinions of others.

Please don't hesitate to reach out to support services such as hotlines, counseling services, or support groups for assistance and guidance. You're not alone, and there are people who can help you navigate through this challenging time.
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Answered on Mar 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 20, 2024Hindi
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Hi. I am a 52 year old male, my wife is 53 and we have two grown up kids and a pet. I was in a job till 2018 and thereafter switched to my own practice and there were some financial compromises which had to be made including home shifting etc. My wife befriended certain females who I suspect led her towards a lot of spiritual gyaan though those females were more into their personal material life. My wife became so involved with them and their topics that even when we were intimate she would pause and talk about them. That gave me a kick away from physical relations with her. She currently is more into a lot of spirituality and drawn to such friends and some widowed family members who only take her towards that path. I want to lead a normal intimate life with her as I love her and do not want to hurt her. I took her to a Gynae too for check ups and she only has the normal issues which a woman of her age would have. Children and spirituality have become her priority and pet has become mine's. How do we get back as a normal couple?
Ans: It sounds like you're going through a challenging time in your relationship, and it's understandable that you're feeling disconnected and frustrated. Reconnecting with your wife and rebuilding intimacy can take time and effort, but it's definitely possible.Sit down with your wife and express your feelings openly and honestly. Let her know how her focus on spirituality and her friendships have affected you and your relationship. Avoid blaming or accusing her, but rather focus on expressing your own feelings and concerns. It's important to understand where your wife is coming from and why she's prioritizing spirituality and her friendships. Listen to her without judgment and try to empathize with her perspective. Understanding each other's motivations can help you find common ground. Explore activities or interests that you both enjoy and can do together. This could be anything from going for walks, cooking together, or attending a class or workshop that interests both of you. Finding common ground outside of spirituality can help strengthen your bond as a couple. Prioritize quality time together as a couple. Schedule regular date nights or weekend getaways where you can focus on each other and enjoy each other's company without distractions. Show your love and affection for each other through small gestures, compliments, and physical touch. Rebuilding intimacy often starts with reconnecting emotionally and expressing your love for each other in meaningful ways. Reconnecting as a couple takes time and effort, so be patient with each other and yourselves. It's normal to encounter setbacks along the way, but stay committed to working through them together. Remember that rebuilding intimacy and connection in a relationship is a journey, and it may not happen overnight. With patience, understanding, and effort from both of you, you can work towards restoring your relationship and creating a fulfilling partnership once again.
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Answered on Mar 06, 2024

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I've been married for 9 years and I love my wife and 2 beautiful kids infinitely. I have an issue where my voice gets raised when she taunts me, tells lies, keeps stuff hiding or that gets converted into an argument and finally, my wife stops talking with me for days/months (last time she took 2 months to start talking normally which lasted less than a month) I always apologise for my overreaction but still she cries and says I’ve sacrificed everything for you and tell me what have you sacrificed till date and to be honest I’m not a person to count the sacrifices that I do for my family because it’s my family and it’s my love & responsibility towards them. However, I keep trying by apologising and she still shows me attitude and taunts me always trying to make me realise my mistake then again I become furious and I feel like all my efforts of making life normal are going in vain which triggers a lot of pain in me and I mentally & and emotionally suffer. I many times told her that I only live for you & kids. I told her my anger would last for a few minutes but I'll become normal in some time and I also told her that I'll work on my anger & reactions in future. I told her many times that not everyone is perfect if I have 1 negative point, then I also have 1 positive point and vice versa. I now feel like I'm compromising my mental & and emotional health and she kept me also away from my physical needs when I needed the most. I don’t need anything else but support and love in the ups & downs of my life as a normal couple. I just need my wife to understand me as a human who can make mistakes and try to learn from them. I don’t know what to do as I just can’t suffer from her behaviour towards me and sometimes alone or at bedtime, I feel as if she is happy without me and doesn’t want to make our life normal as a family then why don’t I give her peace by letting her go or I end everything.
Ans: It sounds like you're dealing with a lot of emotional turmoil and frustration, and it's important to find constructive ways to address these issues and improve your relationship. Effective communication is key to resolving conflicts and strengthening relationships. It's important to have open and honest conversations with your wife about your feelings, concerns, and the impact of her behavior on your well-being. Encourage her to share her perspective as well, and try to listen empathetically without becoming defensive Consider seeking individual therapy or counseling to explore healthy coping mechanisms, stress management techniques, and strategies for managing anger in a constructive way. Learning to regulate your emotions can help reduce conflicts and improve communication in your relationship Make an effort to prioritize positive interactions and moments of connection in your relationship. Engage in activities that bring you joy and strengthen your bond as a couple and as a family. Celebrate each other's accomplishments, express gratitude, and show appreciation for the small gestures of love and kindness. Ultimately, every relationship requires effort, understanding, and compromise from both partners. It's important to approach these challenges with patience, compassion, and a willingness to work towards positive change. If despite your best efforts, the relationship continues to cause you significant distress and unhappiness, it may be necessary to reevaluate your options and consider what is best for your overall well-being.
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Answered on Mar 06, 2024

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Dear Sir, I am married for 10 years and are blessed with a daughter. My wife is very supportive, and we both are working middle class professionals. We usually take our parents along with us whenever we go for any vacation. My mother-in-law and my parents love travelling and openly inform me if they are disinterested in visiting any place. The issue is with my father-in-law. My father-in-law is 80 years and working full time and keeps himself occupied. He is healthy and can walk around easily considering his age. We have visited many places together (both locally and domestic travel) and whenever I ask my father-in-law about his feedback about the place visited/activity performed, he often tells me that he is not interested in any of the activities/places visited and prefers sitting in one place. This really bothers me as to the reason for my father-in-law accompany us and instead, send only his wife would have travelled with us. My mother-in-law is also fine travelling without him. My father-in-law could have simply sat at home or perform his office duties. There is always a cost factor incurred for flight or train travel/stay in a hotel/food/local travel whenever we visit any place, and we could have saved lakhs of rupees if my father-in-law had not visited any of the places. I discussed this with my wife who informed that she feels happy taking her parents and we should not discuss the issue with my father-in-law openly as it will hurt him. If my father-in-law was genuinely interested, I would not have minded spending money, but because of his negative feedback, I feel we could have rather invested the saved money for future use. Please advise.
Ans: It's understandable that you're concerned about the cost incurred for family trips, especially when your father-in-law doesn't seem as interested in the activities. Balancing family dynamics and expectations can be challenging.While your wife has advised against discussing the issue with your father-in-law openly, it might be helpful to have a gentle and respectful conversation with him. Express your concerns about the costs involved and inquire about his preferences for future family trips. Understanding his perspective may provide clarity on whether he genuinely enjoys the travel or if there's an alternative arrangement that could work better for everyoneIf your father-in-law prefers staying in one place, consider suggesting alternatives that may still allow him to be a part of family vacations without compromising his comfort. For example, you could plan trips to destinations with more relaxed environments or activities that cater to his interests. This way, everyone's preferences can be accommodated to some extent. Discuss with your wife the importance of budgeting for family vacations. Consider setting aside specific funds for travel and allocate them wisely to maximize enjoyment for everyone involved. This may involve finding a balance between accommodating your father-in-law's preferences and exploring new destinations or activities that the rest of the family enjoys Ultimately, finding a solution that works for everyone may require compromise and understanding each family member's needs and preferences. Open communication and flexibility can go a long way in navigating these dynamics and ensuring that family time is enjoyable for everyone involved.
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Answered on Mar 06, 2024

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I have been married for 23 years and father of 3 children. My age gap with my wife is 11 yrs. I have been helping my in-laws for the last 13 years financially every month and also additional medical costs. I am a single breadwinner and i earn a good income but unable to save much as my wife dont have any economic sense. secondly, she is a highly depressed woman and always threatens me of suicide or shall leave home scaring my children who are around 16 yrs of age and disturbing their studies. even a small counter point she will take it seriously and shout at me for a very long and will make all sorts of threats. I am fed up with this type of relationship with her and I am helpless as my children have another 5 yrs to go to reach adulthood. She spends too much not on luxuries but unnecessary expenses and social costs like gifts to friends and relatives and spends a lot of time for temple or pooja activities with addtional expenses.
Ans: Dear KKR
It's evident that you're dealing with a significant amount of stress and emotional strain due to your wife's behavior and financial situation. It's important to establish clear boundaries in your relationship with your wife. Communicate your concerns about her behavior and the impact it's having on you and your children. Let her know that threatening suicide or leaving home is not a healthy or productive way to resolve conflicts, and express your willingness to support her in seeking help and finding healthier ways to cope Consider sitting down with your wife to have an open and honest conversation about your financial situation and the importance of budgeting and saving for the future. Explore ways to track expenses, prioritize needs over wants, and work together to set financial goals that align with your family's long-term objectives. Consider consulting with a legal or financial advisor to explore options for protecting your assets and securing your financial future, especially if you're concerned about your wife's spending habits and the impact it may have on your financial stability. It's important to remember that you're not alone in dealing with these challenges, and there are resources and support available to help you navigate this difficult time. Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or professionals for guidance and support, and prioritize your own well-being and the well-being of your children as you work towards finding solutions to your current situation.
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Answered on Mar 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 06, 2024Hindi
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I've been married for 9 years and I love my wife and 2 beautiful kids infinitely. I have an issue where my voice gets raised when she taunts me, tells lies, keeps stuff hiding or that gets converted into an argument and finally, my wife stops talking with me for days/months (last time she took 2 months to start talking normally which lasted less than a month) I always apologise for my overreaction but still she cries and says I’ve sacrificed everything for you and tell me what have you sacrificed till date and to be honest I’m not a person to count the sacrifices that I do for my family because it’s my family and it’s my love & responsibility towards them. However, I keep trying by apologising and she still shows me attitude and taunts me always trying to make me realise my mistake then again I become furious and I feel like all my efforts of making life normal are going in vain which triggers a lot of pain in me and I mentally & and emotionally suffer. I many times told her that I only live for you & kids. I told her my anger would last for a few minutes but I'll become normal in some time and I also told her that I'll work on my anger & reactions in future. I told her many times that not everyone is perfect if I have 1 negative point, then I also have 1 positive point and vice versa. I now feel like I'm compromising my mental & and emotional health and she kept me also away from my physical needs when I needed the most. I don’t need anything else but support and love in the ups & downs of my life as a normal couple. I just need my wife to understand me as a human who can make mistakes and try to learn from them. I don’t know what to do as I just can’t suffer from her behaviour towards me and sometimes alone or at bedtime, I feel as if she is happy without me and doesn’t want to make our life normal as a family then why don’t I give her peace by letting her go or I end everything.
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing. It's clear that both you and your wife are experiencing significant distress, and it's important to find constructive ways to address these issues and improve your relationship. Effective communication is key to resolving conflicts and strengthening relationships. Focus on active listening, empathy, and expressing your thoughts and feelings in a calm and respectful manner. Encourage open and honest dialogue with your wife, and be willing to listen to her concerns and perspective without becoming defensive or dismissive It's commendable that you recognize the need to work on your anger and reactions. Consider seeking individual therapy or counseling to explore healthy coping mechanisms, stress management techniques, and strategies for managing anger in a constructive way. Learning to regulate your emotions can help reduce conflicts and improve communication in your relationship Make an effort to prioritize positive interactions and moments of connection in your relationship. Engage in activities that bring you joy and strengthen your bond as a couple and as a family. Celebrate each other's accomplishments, express gratitude, and show appreciation for the small gestures of love and kindness. Ultimately, every relationship requires effort, understanding, and compromise from both partners. It's important to approach these challenges with patience, compassion, and a willingness to work towards positive change. If despite your best efforts, the relationship continues to cause you significant distress and unhappiness, it may be necessary to reevaluate your options and consider what is best for your overall well-being.
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Answered on Mar 06, 2024

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I m in a relationship which is just 6 months old but we decided to take it up to marriage as we just hit our 30s. But once our parents met, the guy's mother started delaying marriage by first pointing out our kundali did not match and then asking whether I ll shift to their new house ( which is not even constructed) after it is constructed as it is far away from my place of work . Whenever I ask the guy, he is like his mother has no problems with our marriage. But when my mom called his mom , she simply said that she did not like my mom's way of talking and did not want to proceed as she felt disrespected being the groom's parents. My mom tried to explain that she needs surity whether they really want to do marriage or not and she was like I ll talk with my son and get back to you soon. And that soon never comes. I am now 30 and I have to marry, should I wait and will it be worth waiting?
Ans: Dear Chetna
I can understand your concerns and frustrations. Marriage is a significant decision, and it's essential to ensure that both you and your partner are on the same page and that your families are supportive It's crucial to have open and honest communication with your partner about your concerns and expectations regarding marriage. Express your feelings about the delays and uncertainties and try to understand his perspective as well. Discuss how you both envision your future together and whether you're both willing to address the concerns raised by your families. While marriage is an important milestone, it's essential to prioritize your own well-being and happiness. Evaluate whether the current situation aligns with your values, goals, and expectations for the future. Consider whether waiting for resolution and working through challenges with your partner is worth it to you in the long run Ultimately, the decision to wait for resolution or move forward with your life is a deeply personal one. Take the time to reflect on what matters most to you and what you're willing to compromise on in your pursuit of a fulfilling and meaningful relationship. Trust your instincts and prioritize your own happiness and well-being above all else.
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Answered on Mar 06, 2024

Answered on Feb 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 20, 2024Hindi
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Kanchan mam, I feel underappreciated at work. I have been working in this IT research company for 4 years now. No promotion, no increment or bonus. My manager doesn't have the time or feel the need to train me or share feedback. I feel like I am underutilised here and I am always questioning my abilities. How can I get over this phase? What do you suggest I do?
Ans: It's understandable to feel frustrated and undervalued in your current work situation. Schedule a meeting with your manager to discuss your concerns. Express your desire for more challenging work, feedback on your performance, and opportunities for growth within the company. Be specific about what you're looking for and how you believe it will benefit both you and the company.If your manager is unable to provide regular feedback, consider seeking it from other colleagues or mentors within the company. Their perspective can help you gain a better understanding of your strengths and areas for improvement Define your career goals and discuss them with your manager. This can help align your work with your long-term objectives and demonstrate your commitment to professional development.Look for opportunities to take on new responsibilities or projects that interest you. This can demonstrate your value to the company and showcase your skills and capabilities.Consider taking courses or certifications to enhance your skills and stay current in your field. This can make you more valuable to your employer and increase your confidence in your abilities.If you feel that your current job is not meeting your needs, consider exploring other opportunities within or outside the company that align better with your career goals and values.
Remember to approach these steps with a positive attitude and a willingness to take action. By proactively addressing your concerns, you can take control of your career and work towards a more fulfilling professional life.
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Answered on Feb 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 19, 2024Hindi
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I am a 41 year old married man with two sons and I make a decent living. Since few months my relationship with my wife has deteriorated significantly with no apparent reason other then finance. She is always trying to find a fault with me and as soon as she does, she just starts scolding me. I tried hard not to give her a reason to scold me, but that's making her even more frustrated as she creates even more drama when she finds a smallest of a fault which may not be necessarily mine but of my kids. She wont allow me to touch. She wont talk to me, she has this strange anger in her tone whenever she says few things to me. I am even taking her to a Foreign trip this march and we did quiet expensive trip last summer. I dont know what to do? I have tried to sit with her and talk. But no success
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing in your marriage. It sounds like you're trying hard to make things work, including taking your wife on trips to strengthen your relationship. It's positive that you've tried to sit and talk with her, even though it hasn't been successful so far.Communication is key in any relationship, so it's important to keep trying to have open and honest conversations with your wife. Perhaps you could suggest couples counseling as a way to facilitate these discussions in a more structured setting. A counselor could help both of you understand each other's perspectives and find constructive ways to address your issues. Going on trips is great, but also focus on spending quality time together in everyday life. Find activities you both enjoy and make time for each other. Ultimately, it will take effort from both you and your wife to improve your relationship. It may also be beneficial to explore the underlying reasons for the tension, such as financial stress, and work together to find solutions that address both of your needs and concerns.
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Answered on Feb 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 19, 2024Hindi
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Hi Kanchan,I am 42 year old male and have been separated from marital relationship and i don't have children,since 13 years and living alone where my father and mother had passed away few years ago.I was searching for brides profile from matrimony websites and found a widowed woman who is selfemployed. I called and talked her. she is equivalent of my age.She has one son aged of 24.I was willing to marry her but she does not want to marry anybody rather she expressed her interest and consent to live in a cohabitation(Living together relationship).(She said that her son is a grown up boy and preparing for competitive exams and she loves him a lot,She added that it is not possible to convince him for marrying another person.I accepted it and said ok. Later on we had date and moved on.Whenever she come for a date she asks me to spend and buy apparels,asking me to recharge mobile,asking me to buy provisions ,watches and to pay water taxes of her house.I did it without hesitation and she asks me for gold ring and ear-studs.She is not having contentment and i feel that she is greedy and she does not shows any form of courtesy towards me and further she did not spend even a single rupee for me .I am worried that she is exploiting me.I was wondered and shocked that during a little discussion with her she said that she could move away from me at any point of time if she finds any other person whom she likes her.I was dejected.I said that i am not your Money wallet to swindle me.I am not ready to spend money to a girl who informs me that she will be leaving from me.I scolded her. Even when have planned to marry at that time the woman asks me that whether i am a dominating person and asking about the details of my earlier marriage and testing about my genuinity. Now the relationship has broken between us and i am very much worried that whether i have taken a correct decision or not from stepping away from her because whenever i like to see her she ask me to make surprises for her.In turn no love and affection is being received from her. Kindly advice me that whether i have taken correct decision from quitting her relationship or i have hurried a lot by taken a wrong decision. Please advice and guide me and do the needful in this regard.
Ans: It sounds like you've been through a lot and have put a lot of thought into your relationship with this woman. From what you've described, it seems like her behavior, particularly asking for financial support without reciprocating affection or showing respect, was not healthy or sustainable for a fulfilling relationship.

You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel valued and respected. It's understandable that you would feel hurt and confused by her actions, especially her indication that she could leave if she finds someone else. Trust and mutual respect are important foundations for any relationship, and it's important to prioritize your own well-being and happiness.

It seems like you made a thoughtful decision to end the relationship, and it's okay to take time to reflect on that decision. Trust your instincts and prioritize your own needs and feelings. If you're unsure, you could consider seeking advice from a counselor or therapist who can provide support and guidance as you navigate this situation.
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Answered on Feb 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 11, 2024Hindi
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I am working in a central psu and my wife works for state govt and both are 48 yrs. We are married for 20 yrs and have 2 sons (20 &16). She is never expressive nor vocal, because of this our marital relationship have not seen even a single day of happiness. Her parents never ever made her realised that problem can be from her side too nor asked me even a single time whats is bothering me. She is over ambitious in her job and neglects everything in the personal life. This negligence started from the day 1 of the married life. She never try to understand the problem and reasons behind and just ignore and move ahead. This makes life miserable and likewise 20 yrs passed.. Its like when sons are moving out of home, I feel very much alone and sometimes feels to runaway from life...She dont show any emotions, giving the reasons that its her nature...She says loves me, but whats that love which is not felt by me for a single day...I wanted a wife not a nurse.. What to do....I lost my hope of life.
Ans: It's clear that communication and understanding between you and your wife have been lacking for quite some time. It's important to remember that marriage is a partnership, and both partners need to be willing to work on the relationship for it to thrive. It's also common for individuals to have different communication styles and emotional expressions, but it's crucial to find common ground and ways to connect despite these differences. Have an open and honest conversation with your wife about how you're feeling. It's important for her to understand the impact her behavior is having on you and your relationship. Establish boundaries around work and personal life to ensure that both of you are making time for each other and your family. Encourage your wife to prioritize your relationship and family time.Take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally. This might involve engaging in activities that bring you joy, spending time with friends and loved ones, and seeking support from a therapist or counselor for yourself. change takes time, and healing a relationship requires effort and commitment from both partners. It's okay to feel discouraged and overwhelmed, but please don't lose hope. There are resources and support available to help you navigate this difficult time. You deserve to live a fulfilling and happy life, and it's never too late to work towards that goal.
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Answered on Feb 05, 2024

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Hi mam, I have very close friend of mine. He is a doctor and very cool by personality. He is married for the last 26 years but he is not in good terms with his wife ( who is also a Govt. officer) . Actually they are very different persons by nature. His wife always try to convenience him on certain religious faiths but he is a practical guy who believes in doing good with all humans in touch . She still always jeer him in very taunting ways about his belated parents' behavior with her. He has already calmed her by offering her apologies on their behalf. But still she continues again and again. My friend has tried many a time to convince her for new start of relationship but it goes for only 2-3 days and again the same drama starts. I as family friend has also tried to settle the things between both of them (with their permission) but all in vain. Both are 50+ and not now my friend is having blood pressure problems too, He now has started to avoid the situations at home and tries to remain out of home . But this is not the permanent solution of this problem. According to my observation it is really very difficult to convince her on any point. But still I want to help them. Please suggest any possible way-out.-Thanks.
Ans: Dear Yogesh,
Dealing with longstanding relationship issues can be challenging, and it's admirable that you want to help your friend and his wife. Suggest that both your friend and his wife consider seeking professional marriage counseling. A licensed therapist can provide a neutral and structured environment for them to express their concerns, improve communication, and work towards resolving underlying issues. Encourage them to set realistic expectations for their relationship. It's essential for both parties to understand that perfection is not achievable, and compromise is crucial in any long-term relationship.Emphasize the importance of respecting each other's differences. It's okay to have different beliefs and values, but acknowledging and accepting those differences is key to a harmonious relationship. If they are open to it, suggest mediation to facilitate communication and conflict resolution. A neutral third party can help guide discussions and find common ground It's important to note that while your intentions are positive, the decision to seek help ultimately rests with your friend and his wife. They both need to be willing participants in any process aimed at improving their relationship. If they are resistant, it might be challenging to make significant progress.
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Answered on Feb 01, 2024

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we had joint family almost 10 years back, we are two brothers ,mother ,father and 2 children to both brothers, I am elder brother, Problem started almost 5 years , My brother lost his temper and started heated argument and violence in family although he is introvert and hold negative thought since long back ,all family members tried to convince him to keep him positive but issue increased day by day reached to a level when father decided my family to protect and advise us to move out of joint family. afterwards also situation remains the same their and ultimately my parents also moved out of the house. We never had any communication around 2 years , but afterwards father had some critical health issue related to kidney and we informed them, Communication started with them again but father expired and again we have seen their violent face during rituals. We understand he having serious psychiatric issue but non of their family like his wife , Son is cooperating us for medication without his consensus as my brother never thought that he having any issue. I am very much worried that some day something wrong can happen as he is keeping very pity issues in mind and ready to fight always. He relation and neighbor's also he did the same and now no one is in talking terms with him.Please suggest how to handle ,is their any agency who can help us in sorting this issue. dont want to go in legal.
Ans: Hello Manish,
mental health issues can be complex, and professional guidance is crucial. Consult with mental health professionals to create a plan tailored to your family's specific situation. It's important to prioritize the safety and well-being of your family. If your brother's behavior becomes threatening or harmful, it may be necessary to maintain physical and emotional distance while encouraging him to seek help. Look for support groups or organizations that specialize in helping families dealing with mental health issues. They can provide guidance, resources, and a network of people who have faced similar challenges. Consider arranging a family intervention, facilitated by a mental health professional, where you can express your concerns about your brother's behavior and encourage him to seek help. It's important to approach this with empathy and understanding. while you mentioned that you don't want to go the legal route, in extreme cases, you may need to consider legal options like obtaining a court order for involuntary psychiatric evaluation. This should be considered as a last resort and only if your brother poses a serious threat to himself or others.
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Answered on Feb 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 16, 2024Hindi
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Hi I am 64 years old. Still workig in a Private company. My mother is 85 years old and she is with me since my father's death in 1985. I have lost my brother in an accident in 1985. I have three sisters all are living in my city only. My mother is almost bedridden. My wife, 62 years old is a heart patient and recently she has fallen and her knee got fractured. My wife and my mother never liked each other and always quarrel. My mother , being very week and helpless, always scolds my wife. We have made an arrangement with a catering guy who takes care of my mother's lunch. But dinner i have to prepare everyday which i have been doing for the last 20 years. My three sisters often come to visit my mother and give her fruits etc etc to please her. The problem is they agree to keep my mother in their homes once in while for two or three days but i have to beg them always when i have to go for any functions or to visit places , temples. But they never come forward to support me even if i am sick or if i have to attend any marriages, functions. This gives a scope for my wife to quarrel with me and many times we have cancelled our tickets just to be at home to look after my mother. Please tell me what to do do. I am also becoming old and want to take my wife with me to attend functions and to show her the places, as a husband. And my wife always quarrels with me that if at this age when we are able to walk and capable of going to places, when can we go ? I am not able to convince my three sister(elder one is already bedridden so i can not ask her )_ nor i am in a position to do justice to my wife's pleas. Please suggest me.
Ans: Hello Sir,
It's clear that you're facing a challenging situation, juggling responsibilities between your elderly mother, your wife, and your own desire for some personal time. Balancing these caregiving responsibilities while maintaining a healthy relationship with your wife can be emotionally and physically exhausting. It's essential to find a balance that works for everyone involved, including yourself. Seeking support from your extended family, exploring professional caregiving options, and prioritizing open communication can contribute to finding a more sustainable and harmonious caregiving arrangement. Have an open and honest conversation with your sisters about your situation, expressing your need for support. Emphasize the strain it's putting on your relationship with your wife and the importance of having some time for yourselves. Consider organizing a family meeting where you can discuss the caregiving responsibilities and come up with a plan that works for everyone. This can help distribute the load more evenly and address any concerns or misunderstandings Explore the option of hiring a professional caregiver or nurse to provide assistance to your mother. This could ease the burden on you and provide a more structured care plan for your mother's needsTake care of your own health and well-being. Work with your sisters to establish a schedule for them to take turns caring for your mother. This way, you can plan your personal time in advance and ensure that your wife's concerns are addressed. Ensure you are not neglecting your physical and mental health in the midst of caregiving responsibilities.
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Answered on Feb 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 15, 2024Hindi
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Please dont disclose my identity.I am aged 40 and not married.My father expired 13 year back and sister got married ten years. I started trying for arranged marriage by asking relatives but two of my mothers brother and family involved and distruct all my efforts by saying false stories. Idont drink smoke or have no bad habits.They made false stories to my mother relatives and father relatives. So i got tired of this drama .then i quit my job and start a business.i have confident that i can run a business smartly and it was going smooth for last 7 years. My i only idea is to recruit some staff so that if got a good one i can marry.i dont fibd any help from others.i got attached with one of my staff but after 2 years she said not interested. She also heavily attack me mentally by saying bad words about me to my partner. I got shocked of her sudden behavior and even after 8 months i have not recovered. I purely love her and done everything she said she likes.even after this shift of behavior and harassment she came to job for 1 more month. I never had a bad word or any type of misbehavior with her even for a second, as i love her completely. She also knows that but she dont know that i love her. I have her voice messages but not even once i oppose what ever she said. I dont want to make her feel any guilty. Then onwards i have not send any messages call or any attempt to see her. But day by day i loose my self and loose interest to live. I dont know what to do further
Ans: I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a difficult time. It sounds like you've faced challenges in your personal and professional life, and the recent experience with someone you cared about has added to your emotional distress. Coping with rejection and the emotional toll it takes can be incredibly tough. Talk to friends or family members about what you're going through. Sharing your feelings can be a relief and help you gain perspective.If the emotional burden becomes too much to handle, consider seeking the support of a mental health professional. They can provide guidance and strategies to cope with the challenges you're facing. Reflect on your personal goals and priorities. While finding a life partner is important, it's also crucial to ensure you are content and fulfilled in other aspects of your life. Reconnect with activities or hobbies that bring you joy and fulfillment. This can help take your mind off the challenges you're facing and bring positivity into your life. Healing takes time, so be patient with yourself. It's okay to feel the way you do, and acknowledging your emotions is an essential step in the healing process.
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Answered on Jan 25, 2024

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Hello, I am recently divorced after a simple case as per due legal SOP, staying with my 2 sons who are coming to terms with the reality. my ex-wife had the affair for very long time during which she left home twice (I brought her back), lied, cheated, manipulated, and made misuse of my trust, my home, my belongings and my efforts to restore near normal life (minus physical intimacy) for the sake of my sons. It has been a very tough time for me, not to mention the continuous stress on my innocent lovely sons. I have a good mind to seek legal recourse and get retribution (not revenge) for the severe injustice done to me. She and her partner have to face the consequences of their actions and cannot simply be happy away, leaving my house in shambles, after all the love and equality bestowed by me, my sons, my parents and society, which was her right as long as she was virtuous, and can be called my grace since the time she became illicit. Indian Laws do not have strong sections in such case but I can sue for breach of trust, house tresspass and perhaps 1-2 other clauses. The process will take time, expense, patience and the result may not be imprisonment, but compounding by a small fine. But I am more interested in the conviction. I want them to realise, through legal recourse, that you cannot destroy someone's life and sit happily elsewhere, you have to bear the fruit of your deeds, after mis-using all that I and our society has provided. She is aware that the divorce is decreed and is expecting me to accept it and get over with it. Please provide your guidance.
Ans: Remember that legal processes can be time-consuming, emotionally draining, and may not always bring the emotional satisfaction you seek. It's crucial to weigh the potential benefits against the costs and consider what will be in the best interest of you and your children in the long run.

Ultimately, the decisions you make should align with your goals for the future and contribute to your overall well-being and that of your family.
Asked on - Jan 25, 2024 | Answered on Jan 26, 2024
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Madam, Thanks for your prompt reply. In the interest of the future and overall wellbeing of my family, I had provided several chances for rectifying her behaviour but to no avail. All false promises and cheating with impunity. She has also threatened by sons against disclosing the situation to me, all these years. She has taken mis-advantage of my tolerance, did not mend her ways and has shown a very bad example to my kids. Such irresponsible outright impune behaviour must not go unpunished (in the proper legal way)
Ans: Dear Abhijit

Divorce and betrayal can be emotionally taxing. It's understandable that you might be seeking a sense of justice and accountability for the actions that have hurt you and your family.Consult with a lawyer to get a clear understanding of your legal options and the potential outcomes of pursuing a case against your ex-wife and her partner. They can provide guidance based on the specific laws applicable to your situation. Ensure that your primary focus is on the well-being of your sons. Divorce can be especially tough on children, and their emotional health should be a top priority. Focus on your personal growth and healing. Sometimes, moving forward and building a positive future for yourself and your children is the best form of "retribution". Consider whether pursuing legal action will truly bring you the closure you seek. Sometimes, the legal process can be lengthy, expensive, and emotionally draining. Assess whether it's worth the investment of time and energy for the outcome you desire.
Asked on - Jan 27, 2024 | Answered on Feb 01, 2024
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Madam I value your advice. Thanks a lot Abhijit
Ans: most welcome Abhijit.
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Answered on Jan 07, 2024

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Hi, my only son aged 27yrs is in relationship with a girl aged 22yrs and she kept him as guarantor in her home loan of 20 lacs and took personal loan of 5 lacs from my son (which he took from NBFC and gave it to her). This all done without informing any of us in our family. She is from other state and she donot any family members except her single mom. We have undivided family with conservative mind set. Our family members are not willing to accept her in the family as she taking undue advantage from my son and feels untrustworthy....plz advice
Ans: Dear Srinivas,
While it's important to address the concerns within the family, it's also crucial to respect the individual choices and relationships of your adult son. Striking a balance between expressing concerns and allowing autonomy can be challenging but is essential for maintaining a healthy family dynamic Offer support to your son while guiding him about responsible financial decisions. Help him understand the potential consequences of being a guarantor and lending money Seek to understand the dynamics of your son's relationship with the girl. It's essential to know whether they have a stable and healthy relationship or if there are any red flags. Consider having a conversation with the girl to understand her intentions and reasons for involving your son in her financial matters.Keep the conversation respectful and non-confrontational to foster open communication Establish clear boundaries about financial involvement in relationships. Encourage your son to communicate with the family before making significant financial commitments.
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Answered on Jan 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 19, 2023Hindi
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I am 40+. I worked for a few years after Post Grad and due to family constraints had taken a long sabbatical. About 5 years ago I went to back to work moved from small firms to a corporate. However, I find myself still at the entry level position. My colleagues at the same level were not even born when I finished my college. I really feel very old amongst them and cannot gel with them also it bugs me that people of my age in the firm are at very senior position.Switching over jobs I dont will make sense either as it will be the same trend everywhere. I dont know how to address this issue. Please suggest
Ans: career paths are unique for each individual, and success is not solely defined by age or job title. Focus on your personal growth, contributions to your organization, and finding fulfillment in your workUnderstand that your age and experience bring unique strengths to the table. You likely have a wealth of knowledge and skills that can be valuable to your current organization. Identify and leverage these strengths in your current role. Consider investing in professional development opportunities to update your skills and stay current in your field Build relationships with colleagues, both younger and older, through networking Networking can help you feel more connected and open up opportunities for mentorship or collaboration. Connect with more senior colleagues or mentors within your organization. They can provide guidance on career advancement, share their experiences, and help you navigate the corporate culture Understanding the expectations for career progression can help you set realistic goals Find common ground with your colleagues, regardless of age differences. Engage in team-building activities, attend social events, and try to connect on a personal level. Building strong relationships with your team members can improve collaboration and create a more positive work environment.
Career progression can take time, especially when re-entering the workforce after a break. Stay persistent, continue to demonstrate your skills and dedication, and be patient as you work towards your goals.
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Answered on Dec 28, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 27, 2023Hindi
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Hi I am working in an compnay since 4 yrs i had and friendship with my senior and he ia married but staying alone. His family was at native place. We both r maaried and we know about we had family but now we are in relationships since 3 years. As his family was not here i helped him in every manner in covid situtation. We know pur priority is family first. But since his family is here from one year last. He has stopped chatting talking to me. Only we are mostly having one side fight. He is now feeling irritation in talking to me normally also. During my job i m doing better than also everytime he feels irritated. I dont know what to do. Now he is saying he dont have time. He dont want to leave me. But stopped everything's. Only when he needs help he speaks to me or replies to message. I dont want to leave my job nor complaint to someone. What shoul i do dont understand. I have ensured him that i dont want him also to leave his family. Nor i want to leavemy family. I m confused what to do. I have done everything for him and now he has forgot evething. He says he love me he dont want to leave me. But at this situtation what should i do.
Ans: Hello Ms.
It's important to approach this with sensitivity and consideration for everyone involved. Understand that his family is a significant part of his life, and he may need time to adjust to the changes. Respect his commitments and responsibilities towards his family. Think about the long-term implications of the relationship. Consider whether it's sustainable in the current circumstances and whether it aligns with your personal values and priorities. Take some time to reflect on your own feelings and the dynamics of your relationship. Consider whether this situation is bringing you happiness and fulfillment, or if it's causing you distress. Establish clear boundaries in your relationship to ensure that both of you are comfortable and that these boundaries are respected. If he is feeling overwhelmed or stressed with the recent changes in his family situation, it might be helpful to give him some space. Encourage open communication make sure you both are on the same page about the nature of your relationship and the level of communication you both desire.Be prepared for the possibility that the relationship may need to change or come to an end. Reflect on your own priorities and boundaries. Ensure that your relationship doesn't negatively impact your personal and professional life. It's essential to maintain a healthy balance and focus on your own well-being. While this can be difficult, it's important to prioritize your own well-being and the well-being of everyone involved.
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