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Why Can't I Bond with my Older Brother?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1617 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 26, 2025

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Mar 06, 2025Hindi
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Relationship

I always have difficulty bonding with my brother. He is four years older than me and he is not at all sensitive or a good guider when it comes to navigating ups and downs of life. There are so many sibling relationships in which the elder sibling is open minded and it helps the younger one to navigate challenges easily. Also he is not at all good with communication and he does not express his emotions or becomes very awkward doing so Is it normal to have a sibling whom you can't really look upto

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Yes, it's absolutely normal to have a sibling with whom you can't really look up to. The key here is to accept people for who they are and what they put into a relationship especially when it comes to sibling associations. The more you start to demand in your mind, the more your brother will keep falling short and the chances of a healthy connection will go missing. Instead, you can put what you wish to into the relationship without really expecting nothing much in return. In fact, you will be at peace...
Difficult to do but not impossible...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |600 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

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Relationship
I am the eldest sibling in our families and aged 51. Normally, whenever anyone in the family has a problem - financial, mental, psychological, issue with people or anything else, they come up to discuss with me and share. Well, many would say I am lucky as people look up to me when they are in any kind of a problem. But that is not the case. Sadly no one is around with whom I can discuss or even think to share my issues, my problems. I do not have any friends. Sadly, yes, that is a fact and at my age, I dont expect that here we have a culture where we can get to making friends, at least the kind of friends with whom you can confide, share your feelings, problems. I tried and failed. Maybe because I am introvert or maybe I am too cautious. To make it more complicated, I dont work in the regular kind of job. I am a lone person who works as a freelance from home. This limits my outreach when it comes to interacting with real people. I have clients, business contacts, but I cannot get personal with them. It will never be a good choice. My wife is busy with her job + we do not have any relation beyond the daily matters related to household and it has been more than 10 years now that we live this way. Tried to sort out things with her but she just does not have time and interest (after all who wants to add on to tensions, stress). My daughter is after all my daughter - I cannot share these with her, and definitely at 10 she is too young to be one to discuss such stuff. I am not sure how far this issue can be fixed but I am hopeful to find some path here.
Ans: Dear Kevin,
Starting small can be helpful. Consider connecting with people through shared interests or hobbies, either online or in person, where the pressure to immediately open up is minimal. Online communities, local meetups, or volunteer activities can create low-stakes opportunities to connect with like-minded individuals. The goal isn’t to instantly find someone to confide in but to slowly build a sense of belonging and companionship.

Your relationship with your wife appears to be another significant source of emotional distance. While her lack of interest in deep conversations may seem like a barrier, it’s worth exploring other ways to reconnect—perhaps by spending time together in shared activities or revisiting moments that once brought you closer. Sometimes, relationships stuck in routines benefit from new experiences or even professional counseling to navigate the underlying dynamics.

Regarding your daughter, while it’s clear she cannot shoulder your emotional burdens, she can still be a source of joy and connection. Investing time in activities with her can provide a sense of fulfillment and grounding that counters loneliness.

Above all, remember that reaching out for professional support, such as therapy, is not a sign of weakness but an act of self-care. A therapist can provide a safe space to express your feelings and help you develop strategies to foster deeper connections and manage emotional isolation.

You deserve to feel supported and connected, and even if the journey to finding that seems long, every step you take toward opening up or seeking out others is a move toward a more fulfilling and less lonely existence.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1617 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I live in a joint family with my brother and parents. I’ve been having a hard time managing my relationship with my bhabhi (sister-in-law). We live in the same house, and things have been tense lately. I’ve always tried to be polite and respectful, but there are constant little misunderstandings between us, and it’s starting to affect my peace of mind. We both want to keep things cordial for the family’s sake, but it feels like there’s always some tension whenever we interact. The problem is, I tend to get defensive whenever she says something I don’t agree with, and I know it’s only making things worse. I’m also trying to stay calm in front of everyone, but it’s hard not to let these small issues build up in my head. I really don’t want to keep feeling frustrated, but I don’t know how to change my approach. I love my brother and I want to improve the atmosphere at home and make sure I’m not letting these things affect me so much. Please help.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Joint family systems are filled with adventure and these things that you have brought up are part of that adventure.
Take things as they come and make sure you train yourself not to react...is this possible? YES, it is!
Let's say your Bhabhi accuses you of something, maybe your first reaction is to get defensive and explain or argue. Instead, what if you trained yourself to say: Okay, she's again accusing me of something; let's see what is the new thing that she has invented and let me have fun by simply listening.

This will ensure that your part of adventure gets playful and it will also enable you to respond rather than react. Now, does this happen overnight? NO, it requires a lot of mind training but start somewhere to get to someplace different.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 06, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 06, 2025
Money
I am 33 and I have around 6.4 Lakh Invested in Axis ELSS Tax Saver Fund,3 Lakh in SBI Long Term Equity Fund, 2.2 Lakh in SBI Bluechip Fund & 1.4 Lakh in SBI Focused Equity Fund. I am also running a 30000/- monthly SIP with almost 40% of it in Smallcap segment and 20% in Gold Fund. I have a NPS Auto Choice Account of 17 Lakh with a yearly addition of 1.2 lakh. How much can all this generate by the time of my retirement?
Ans: You have a strong base already. You are only 33 years old. You have around 25 years to grow your wealth till retirement. Let us analyse your total investments and long-term potential from a 360-degree view.

We will assess every part of your portfolio, the risks, the growth potential, and how you can improve it step by step.

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Your Present Investments in Mutual Funds

You have invested Rs. 6.4 lakh in ELSS, Rs. 3 lakh in a long-term equity fund, Rs. 2.2 lakh in a bluechip fund, and Rs. 1.4 lakh in a focused fund.

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Your total mutual fund lumpsum investment is Rs. 13 lakh.

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These funds are mostly equity-oriented and for long-term growth.

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ELSS funds are locked for 3 years but give tax benefits under section 80C.

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Your mix of ELSS, large cap and focused funds shows good diversification.

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The focus is more towards tax saving and large cap growth.

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This is suitable for someone with a stable income and long-term view.

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But your fund mix should be reviewed every year.

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Some funds may underperform over time and need replacement.

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Active monitoring gives better results than just investing and forgetting.

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A Certified Financial Planner can help you review and restructure if needed.

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Continue tracking performance every 6 months to stay on track.

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Your Monthly SIPs and Allocation Pattern

You are running a Rs. 30,000 SIP each month.

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40% of it is in small cap funds.

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20% is in gold mutual fund.

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The rest 40% seems to be in large/multi-cap or other diversified equity funds.

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Now let us analyse this composition:

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40% in small cap is quite aggressive.

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Small caps are very volatile. They can give high returns but also deep corrections.

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Keep small cap allocation below 25% in total equity SIPs.

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You can move some SIP amount to a balanced advantage fund.

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Balanced funds give stability when markets are down.

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20% in gold mutual fund is on the higher side.

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Gold is not a compounding asset like equity.

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Over long term, gold delivers lower return than equity.

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Use gold only for 5-10% of total portfolio. Not more.

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The rest 40% in equity is fine, but needs regular review.

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Maintain SIPs in regular plans through Certified Financial Planner.

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Direct funds give no handholding or guidance when markets fall.

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Regular plans help you stay committed and balanced.

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Rebalancing SIPs every 12–18 months improves returns and reduces risk.

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Your National Pension System (NPS) Contribution

You have Rs. 17 lakh corpus in NPS Auto Choice.

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You are adding Rs. 1.2 lakh per year to NPS.

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NPS Auto Choice invests automatically in equity, debt and govt securities.

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Your allocation will shift towards debt slowly as you age.

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This reduces risk after age 45.

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NPS is a good retirement asset due to long lock-in.

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But maturity proceeds are partly taxable and partly annuity.

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So don’t depend only on NPS for retirement.

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Use mutual funds also to build tax-efficient corpus.

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NPS is a supporting vehicle, not a full retirement solution.

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How Much Can All These Generate Till Retirement?

Let us assume you invest for 25 more years.

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You will add Rs. 30,000 monthly SIPs. That’s Rs. 3.6 lakh/year.

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You will also add Rs. 1.2 lakh/year to NPS.

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Your mutual fund lumpsum of Rs. 13 lakh continues to grow.

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Based on long-term equity CAGR of 11% to 12%, your corpus will grow strongly.

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In 25 years, your MF corpus alone can become several crores.

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Your NPS corpus can also cross Rs. 1 crore to Rs. 1.5 crore.

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Final retirement wealth can range between Rs. 3.5 crore to Rs. 5 crore or more.

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This depends on SIP discipline, fund choice, rebalancing and staying invested.

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Direct fund investors often lose returns due to fear and wrong decisions.

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Regular plan investors with Certified Financial Planner stay more consistent.

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That helps in wealth creation without panic or stopping SIPs.

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Improvement Areas in Your Current Strategy

Let us now talk about areas of improvement in your plan.

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Reduce gold fund SIP to 5% or 10%. Use rest in hybrid or flexi cap funds.

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Reduce small cap SIP exposure to 25% or less. Add large and balanced funds.

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Monitor ELSS performance. Don’t hold old ELSS just for tax benefit.

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Move older ELSS units to better performing funds after 3-year lock-in.

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Use a Certified Financial Planner for fund selection and annual review.

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Avoid investing through apps that show direct funds without guidance.

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Do not fall for lowest expense ratio trap.

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Many direct funds underperform due to no tracking or correction.

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Regular plans give you peace of mind and expert handholding.

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Start tracking goals – like retirement, home, child’s education.

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SIPs done without goals often get withdrawn during market dips.

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Emergency fund must be built separately. At least 6 months of expenses.

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Do not mix emergency savings and investments.

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Taxation Awareness You Must Keep in Mind

As your investments grow, tax rules will affect your returns.

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For equity mutual funds: LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh/year is taxed at 12.5%.

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STCG (less than 1 year) is taxed at 20%.

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For debt funds: gains are taxed as per your slab.

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NPS maturity is partly tax-free, partly annuity and taxable.

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Gold fund redemptions are taxed as per type of asset (debt-based).

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Plan your redemptions with tax calendar in mind.

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Avoid frequent switches. It reduces compounding and increases tax.

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Rebalance with minimal taxation in mind.

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Long-Term Stability Recommendations

You are already doing great.

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But to ensure success for next 25 years, follow these:

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Stick to SIP discipline no matter what market says.

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Review SIPs every year with Certified Financial Planner.

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Don’t change funds just because of short-term performance.

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Add hybrid and flexi-cap funds to reduce ups and downs.

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Avoid investing heavily in gold for long term.

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Shift risky allocation slowly to stable funds as you near 45.

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Use NPS only as a support system for retirement.

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Track your wealth growth every year without panic.

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Focus on goals and time horizon, not only on returns.

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Build Rs. 3 crore to Rs. 5 crore corpus slowly with consistent habits.

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Compounding rewards patience. Not shortcuts.

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Finally

You are already ahead of most investors of your age. Very disciplined.

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But success is not about starting alone. Staying the course is more important.

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Avoid gold fund overuse. Reduce small cap exposure slightly.

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Add stability via hybrid and balanced equity funds.

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Don’t switch to direct plans. They seem cheaper but may cost more emotionally.

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Investing through regular plans with Certified Financial Planner is safer.

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Continue current path with corrections. Retirement will be stress-free.

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Stay consistent. Review yearly. You will reach your wealth goals peacefully.

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Best Regards,
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K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
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Chief Financial Planner,
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www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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