Why Can't I Bond with my Older Brother?

Ans: Cousins getting along well is normal; a wife feeling insecure as a result of that is not. Haven’t you got a brother or male relative you’ve bonded with since childhood? Still, giving the benefit of the doubt to your instinct as his wife, I would suggest you look out for subtle signs of anything more than familial ties. Does he look for any excuse to spend time with her? Do they meet alone very frequently? Do you pick up on any romantic vibes between them? Hugging between cousins is very normal, but are they overly tactile? Short of any of that, leave it alone and address your own insecurities.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Kindly stand up for your wife; your younger brother may not get along well with your wife or not like certain aspects about her but he has no right to talk behind her back and especially to you. Put an end to it so that you draw a clear boundary on this, one that he does not cross. Why are you expecting your parents to do the deed? You must step in and call out this behavior of hers as it is disrespectful to your wife. So, kindly do the needful...
Family relationships however close must have boundaries around them as they help in keeping them healthy and clear.

All the best!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
When you say criticizes your choices and invades your personal space, they are two different things...
You can't do much when people criticize your choices. If the choice you have made is wise for you, ignore what people say and move on. Choices on food, clothes, etc are so personal...
But if it concerns any important decisions of life, I would suggest that you take a moment and understand why that person is criticizing your choice; is the criticism part of how they show care? While it's very easy to criticize someone who criticizes you, always know the space they come from. Some people do not know how to show care and do it through authority and imposition which of course is never pleasant.
When it comes to invading your personal space, I am unable to imagine what that means in your case as it is too generalized. Anyway, if it feels uncomfortable, draw a boundary and make sure that you do not allow them to violate it. Initially, they will talk of you being very disrespectful, but stay on course and sooner than later they will get used to a newer way of interacting with you.

On whether you are being too sensitive: that's why I found your post very generalized. A few instances could have painted a better picture and also tell you whether your reaction is necessary or is the other person actually prying too much.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
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