Hi, I'm 44, never married. I have been on several dating apps and matrimonial sites. Every time I start talking to someone or go on a few dates, my family finds out and starts interfering. My mom would ask questions, judge what I am wearing. Worse, she will investigate the guy on his social media. She has sent friendship requests to so many strangers just to get access into their account. I am tired of being treated like a teenager. I want to explore relationships at my own pace without being shamed or forced to explain every choice. How do I draw the line?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There's nothing right or wrong BUT doing things on an impulse will possibly backfire on your moral value system; are you someone who will be able to have a relationship outside of marriage? Every person has their own moral compass to work with and around!
Why don't you start by actually devising a strategy to work on your marriage...yes, it's gone downhill BUT nothing lasts forever, right? There are children involved and the wise thing would be to attempt to set your marriage on the right track...yes, much water under the bridge, but there's hope always.
Consult with a marriage therapist/coach who will be able to guide the two of you to be strongly committed towards one another and keep interference from the outside at bay. Once the emotional ground is set, physical intimacy will sway along...be patient!
At least, give it a shot, yeah?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Ans: Tanya, I can feel the weight of the dilemma you’re facing, and it’s a difficult place to be.
relationships don’t exist in isolation; they’re influenced by the families and cultures we are part of. Your family’s reservations are not just about his family’s values but how those values could impact your life, your autonomy, and your emotional wellbeing within the marriage. They want to ensure that you step into a life that feels aligned with who you are, not one where you might feel pressured to conform to expectations that don’t sit well with you.

The examples you shared highlight a contrast in priorities and lifestyles. Your upbringing focused on academics and independence, while his family seems to place a strong emphasis on traditional roles, such as cooking or managing a household. The comment from his mother about handling the child might seem casual on the surface, but it reflects an underlying expectation that could affect you in the long run. It’s not just about whether you know how to cook or manage children, but whether you’re ready to embrace the responsibilities they may assume are natural for you after marriage.

The key question here is whether these differences will feel manageable to you over time. Every marriage requires compromise, but those compromises should not come at the cost of your sense of self or emotional wellbeing. If there are already signs that these expectations clash with your own values, you need to consider whether you’ll have the space and support to negotiate these differences. Will your boyfriend actively advocate for your needs within his family? Can you see yourself thriving in an environment where the lifestyle and expectations differ so much from what you’re used to?

It’s also important to think about how this affects your family. They’re your strongest supporters, and their concerns are rooted in love for you. While they’ve approved of your boyfriend, their discomfort with his family’s expectations is valid. If they’re seeing red flags, it’s worth pausing to understand why. They don’t want you to lose the independence and opportunities they’ve worked to give you.

Take time to reflect on how you truly feel—not just about your boyfriend, but about his family and the life you would be stepping into. Marriage is not just a union between two individuals; it’s also a partnership between two families, especially in a culture where families are deeply interconnected. You need clarity about whether you’ll feel supported, respected, and valued—not only by your boyfriend but by the family you’ll be a part of.

Have another honest conversation with your boyfriend. Share your family’s concerns without blame, and ask him how he sees the future, especially in situations where his family’s expectations may conflict with your values or comfort. Does he see those moments as challenges you’ll face together? Does he have a plan for how you both can set boundaries and create a balance that honors your individuality?

Tanya, this decision is ultimately about your long-term happiness. Whatever you decide, let it come from a place of self-awareness, respect for your values, and clarity about what you need to feel secure and loved in your marriage. You deserve a partnership that nurtures your growth, honors your strengths, and creates a life where you feel truly at home.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
When you say criticizes your choices and invades your personal space, they are two different things...
You can't do much when people criticize your choices. If the choice you have made is wise for you, ignore what people say and move on. Choices on food, clothes, etc are so personal...
But if it concerns any important decisions of life, I would suggest that you take a moment and understand why that person is criticizing your choice; is the criticism part of how they show care? While it's very easy to criticize someone who criticizes you, always know the space they come from. Some people do not know how to show care and do it through authority and imposition which of course is never pleasant.
When it comes to invading your personal space, I am unable to imagine what that means in your case as it is too generalized. Anyway, if it feels uncomfortable, draw a boundary and make sure that you do not allow them to violate it. Initially, they will talk of you being very disrespectful, but stay on course and sooner than later they will get used to a newer way of interacting with you.

On whether you are being too sensitive: that's why I found your post very generalized. A few instances could have painted a better picture and also tell you whether your reaction is necessary or is the other person actually prying too much.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Ans: When speaking to your family, try to approach the conversation from a place of empathy. Acknowledge their intentions by telling them you understand their worries and that they want what they believe is best for you. Express gratitude for their care—it often helps diffuse their defensiveness. However, it’s equally important to gently but firmly assert that your happiness is not dependent on remarriage. Share how content you are with your current life, emphasizing your financial stability, fulfilling friendships, and personal growth.

Sometimes families struggle to accept choices that diverge from traditional norms, often driven by fears about societal perceptions or imagined futures. Reassure them that your decision is rooted in thoughtful consideration and self-awareness, and that you’ve built a life that brings you peace and joy. If they bring up concerns like loneliness or old age, you can address these by expressing how you’ve cultivated strong support systems and how your independence equips you to face challenges.

It might also help to set gentle boundaries. For instance, you could say, “I appreciate that you care for me, but I’d like our time together to focus on enjoying each other’s company instead of discussing remarriage.” It’s okay to redirect conversations or take a break from them when you feel cornered.

Lastly, remember that changing deeply ingrained beliefs takes time. Your family might not immediately understand your perspective, but consistency and calm communication will help over time. It’s not your responsibility to conform to their expectations if doing so diminishes your sense of self. By staying true to your values while showing compassion for their concerns, you’re paving the way for mutual respect and understanding.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
When the right person comes along, you will know it. Until then, enjoy the process without being too attached to the outcome. If something clicks, then it does...why fret over anything?
Your mother is just doing what she is out of love and concern; so, let her! By pushing her back it will only heighten her concern and it will come back to you in other unhealthy ways. Go along with it and just play the wait and watch game. A good way to convert your frustration into something more useful and light.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/