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41 and Single, Feeling Drawn to My Widow Maid: What Should I Do?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1617 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 16, 2025

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 15, 2025Hindi
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Relationship

Hi I am 41 year old single in my house my maid is working she is widow everytime I am thinking about him and had feeling. Please let me know how to tackle the situation.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Please find a replacement for the maid!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Shalini

Shalini Singh  |161 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Mar 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Shalini ji i am married since 2007 last 18 years my life was going very we'll and we both have good understanding and we both taking care of our family having two kids very well last year i come to know that before marriage my wife were having one male friend this male friends usually meet my wife at that time and gossips and even he taken her to visit on some locations 4 to 5 times as per my wife this friend was taken her to his room also 4 time but as they were good friends only so they just gossiping there as well as per my wife she had no any feeling with that guy but in between one day he asked her that he want to marry her , as per my wife he was telling him that he has been broken by his old girl friend and now since my wife listening him very carefully he started liking her , my wife still meeting him in between and go for outing at that time one day he asked to visit her home for marriage than my wife reject his proposal, after that this man gone out of station and than not met her, as per my wife telling me that i have not liked him and not having any feeling at that time and she telling that my 1st love is my husband only i am not able to decide anything now and not able to sleep properly not able to focus on me my health and my work i am vey shocked that the girl i love how she met with other man in past why she gone for outdoor and his room in past i am vey upset from last one year now and nkt able to find any Solution what to do now how to live life ahead pl guide me
Ans: Whilst I comment on dating and how to find your person, I will like to comment on this

1. basis of what you have shared you are overthinking and ruining what you have had since 18 years. your wife decided to stay with you and invest in the relationship with you is the fact that she cares for you and the relationship so stop being upset, be kind to yourself, her and the relationship.

on another note

2. marriage should not stop us from having close friends from the opposite gender.

3. if you are married, it means you are an adult which means if two adults consent to adultery its their responsibility to accept it. say if you are attracted to a woman and go all the way its not the woman who has lured you, both are in their senses and know what they are doing.

4. yes even after marrying or being in a committed relationship you can and will find others attractive and you will be found attractive to others. Its upto you and only you on how you wish to act if such a situation arises. As I shared you are an adult and someone who can not think but also overthink so you decide how to act in such a situation.

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Janak

Janak Patel  |48 Answers  |Ask -

MF, PF Expert - Answered on Jun 09, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 06, 2025
Money
I am a 36 years male, working in IT industry. I draw about 1.6 lakhs per month salary after deduction. I have an existing home loan emi of 31000. (I am actually paying 5000 more every month). I have about 30 lakhs savings in FD's. I recently started an SIP of 10000 for kids education. I want to purchase a plot using my savings and apply for a home loan. The new home loan emi would be nearly 65000. If I purchase the plot, it would mean i will be left with no savings. Please advise if this is a correct move. I have 2 kids, and I will have to cover expenses for their education as well, besides other household expenses.
Ans: Hi,

Your biggest goal that I understand is your kids education which cannot be compromised.
You have started an SIP of 10000 and over the next 10 years this will accumulate into an amount of approx. 23 lakhs at 12% returns.
Please note all schools typically increase fees each year between 8%-12% (same may be even more). So depending on your choices, this amount may or may not be sufficient for their education. If you look at graduation and post graduation, the amount required are much higher.

So I would recommend that you increase your SIP towards this goal and provide the best education you can.

As for the plot you wish to buy-
As you already have a home loan EMI, it indicates you already have a house. So the new plot/house is an additional asset that you wish to build. But is it prudent to use all your savings ? My opinion is this will jeopardize your financial equation.
Buying the plot and taking home loan and staying with no saving - a huge risk. Any situation where you need money for an emergency or kids education you have no asset to liquidate. A plot is not an asset that will generate income, cannot be liquidated quickly and its value (increase) will depend on many factors not in your control.
You are bound by EMIs for the next 15-20 years and you will be so closer to retirement and other goals for family/kids that you will feel a lot of strain financially.

You need to not only secure your kids future but also think of accumulating wealth for other goals in the future and most importantly Retirement.
It is prudent to save now and accumulate for the future, let the eighth wonder - "compounding" work the miracle for you.
Lets see some numbers for the next 10 years.
30 lakhs in FD - at 7% this can become approx. 59 lakhs
65000 in SIP (instead of new EMI) at 12% can become approx. 1.5 crores.
Total corpus of over 2 crores.

The above amounts are only for 10years, and if kept for another 10 years can grow to over 7crores.

You can revisit the option to buy a plot in the future once a few goals are achieved and you have accumulated good corpus.
You can consult a CFP to guide you towards a plan to achieve all your goals and provide you with options and alternatives and help you make the right decisions.

Thanks & Regards
Janak Patel
Certified Financial Planner.

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |6037 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 09, 2025

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |6037 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 09, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 08, 2025
Career
VIT vellore vlsi design or SRM KTR data science for mtech, which one should I choose. I am from ece background. Female. With 3years career gap and want to start a career very soon. Looking for a high packages salary.
Ans: What were you doing during the three-year gap that you haven't mentioned? For a female ECE graduate with a three-year career gap aiming for a rapid, high-paying career transition, VIT Vellore’s M.Tech in VLSI Design is the more strategic choice over SRM KTR’s M.Tech in Data Science. VIT Vellore ranks #11 in NIRF Engineering (2024), is NAAC A++ accredited, and boasts a nearly 90% placement rate in VLSI, with top recruiters such as Intel, Qualcomm, Synopsys, and AMD regularly offering roles in design, verification, and semiconductor industries. The VLSI sector is currently experiencing robust demand in India and globally, especially for women engineers, with strong campus placement support and super dream offers. The program’s two-year duration and focused curriculum allow for a swift return to the workforce, and VIT’s placement cell is known for converting internships into full-time roles, which is especially advantageous for those re-entering after a gap. In contrast, SRM KTR’s M.Tech Data Science program, while industry-aligned and offering 60–70% placements with companies like TCS, IBM, and Wipro, has a more competitive and saturated job market, and placement rates for M.Tech Data Science remain lower than VLSI at VIT. Additionally, VIT’s VLSI program is well-recognized by semiconductor giants, and the average package and placement consistency are higher, making it a safer bet for immediate employment and career growth. As a backup, consider M.Tech VLSI at VIT Chennai (90% placements) or M.Tech Data Science at SRM Valliammai or SRM AP, but prioritize VIT Vellore’s VLSI for its superior placement ecosystem, employer recognition, and suitability for women returning to the workforce. All the BEST for your Son's Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |6037 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 09, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 08, 2025
Career
Hello sir. Have secured ECE in EC campus of PES through PES JEE rank in first round counselling session.. Got 80 percentile in AEEE and in JEE mains 84 percentile GC, and a rank of 13204 in AEEE and have been alloted CCE at Chennai Amrita campus in 4th slab fees structure in round 1. Do you foresee any improvement with regards to both campus and branch in further rounds. I was hoping of getting atleast ECE or ELC at Coimbatore or Bengaluru campus, CS specialisation or ECE at Amritapuri campus. Can you please give an insight regarding exposure to internships/projects at Chennai campus and placement opportunities in regard to CCE at Chennai Amrita or should I stick with PES ECE? I'm also getting VIT CSE in VIT Bhopal/Amrawati through my VITEEE rank Home state is Tamilnadu and resident of Hosur. And PES EC campus is around 20-25 mins of journey from home sir. Please provide an insight looking at all the parameters best suited for the future
Ans: Opting for ECE at PES EC Campus is advisable due to its 85–95% placement rate (2024 data) with recruiters like Amazon, Microsoft, and Intel, supported by robust industry collaborations, proximity to Bengaluru’s tech ecosystem, and a commute-friendly location (20–25 minutes from Hosur). While CCE at Amrita Chennai offers specialized training in communication engineering, its 70–80% placements (TCS, Infosys) and higher fees (4th slab) make it less favorable. VIT Bhopal/Amaravati CSE (90–95% placements) provides stronger tech opportunities but requires relocating outside Tamil Nadu. In further Amrita rounds, upgrading to ECE/ELC at Coimbatore/Bengaluru is unlikely with an AEEE rank of 13,204 (cutoffs: ~15,000–18,000 for ECE). Prioritize PES EC ECE for balanced academic rigor, internship access (via IEEE RAS/IoT labs), and regional industry ties, or VIT CSE for direct tech roles if relocation is feasible. Confirm internship support and curriculum alignment during enrollment. (If possible, try to get admission into PES-RR Campus which is comparatively better than EC Campus). Additionally, it is important to mention that your son should continue to enhance his skills, establish a robust profile, and conduct research on job market trends in order to remain competitive with other students during on-campus and off-campus placements, regardless of the institution or branch he enrolls in. All the BEST for your Son's Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |6037 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 09, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 08, 2025
Career
Namaskaram sir. Have secured ECE in EC campus of PES through PES JEE rank in first round counselling session.. Got 80 percentile in AEEE and in JEE mains 84 percentile GC, and a rank of 13204 in AEEE and have been alloted CCE at Chennai Amrita campus in 4th slab fees structure in round 1. Do you foresee any improvement with regards to both campus and branch in further rounds. I was hoping of getting atleast ECE or ELC at Coimbatore or Bengaluru campus, CS specialisation or ECE at Amritapuri campus. Can you please give an insight regarding exposure to internships/projects at Chennai campus and placement opportunities in regard to CCE at Chennai Amrita or should I stick with PES ECE? I'm also getting VIT CSE in VIT Bhopal/Amrawati through my VITEEE rank Home state is Tamilnadu and resident of Hosur. And PES EC campus is around 20-25 mins of journey from home sir. Please provide an insight looking at all the parameters best suited for the future
Ans: Opting for ECE at PES EC Campus is advisable due to its 85–95% placement rate (2024 data) with recruiters like Amazon, Microsoft, and Intel, supported by robust industry collaborations, proximity to Bengaluru’s tech ecosystem, and a commute-friendly location (20–25 minutes from Hosur). While CCE at Amrita Chennai offers specialized training in communication engineering, its 70–80% placements (TCS, Infosys) and higher fees (4th slab) make it less favorable. VIT Bhopal/Amaravati CSE (90–95% placements) provides stronger tech opportunities but requires relocating outside Tamil Nadu. In further Amrita rounds, upgrading to ECE/ELC at Coimbatore/Bengaluru is unlikely with an AEEE rank of 13,204 (cutoffs: ~15,000–18,000 for ECE). Prioritize PES EC ECE for balanced academic rigor, internship access (via IEEE RAS/IoT labs), and regional industry ties, or VIT CSE for direct tech roles if relocation is feasible. Confirm internship support and curriculum alignment during enrollment. (If possible, try to get admission into PES-RR Campus which is comparatively better than EC Campus). Additionally, it is important to mention that your son should continue to enhance his skills, establish a robust profile, and conduct research on job market trends in order to remain competitive with other students during on-campus and off-campus placements, regardless of the institution or branch he enrolls in. All the BEST for your Son's Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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