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Divorced Twice in Three Years: Seeking Advice for Daughter's Return

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1563 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 19, 2025

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Mar 07, 2025Hindi
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Relationship

My daughter married in 2020 and divorced in 2023 after six month she married again to the same person but staying with him for seven month again she is on path of divorce she was staying canada now she wants to come back india and do job here stay with us what to do now

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What can you do but to understand that your daughter was okay being 'foolish' the second time around? She's old enough to marry, divorce, marry the same person again and divorce again, then she surely needs a lesson on how to grow up and make responsible decisions. Allow her to grow up without shielding her; as difficult and cruel as it may seem, she needs to take responsibility for her actions. As a parent, support and love her without telling her what to do and not to do. That will enable her to become rational about life and life's decisions.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1563 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 22, 2022

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Hi, my daughter got married in 2018. Her husband works in the US. Immediately after marriage she left with her husband to the US. My daughter is a single child and had a protected sort of life. At times immature and stubborn, she also has anger issues. She was not supposed to work, as my SIL wanted a housewife.There was compatibility issues between them from the beginning. He is from a very conservative family which we were not aware of before marriage. She got depressed there as the climate did not suit her and had no one to talk to. Most of her neighbours were working. SIL was busy with his work. They used to go out for drives or visit nearby places.We were not allowed to visit her. She finally came down to India homesick and in depression in 2020. Since then, he seems to be totally indifferent to her. She misses him terribly but he seems disinterested. He is only career driven and she has to message him always. He doesn't want to video chat or voice-call her. It’s nearly two years now. We tried talking to his parents but since they are financially dependent on him, they are not doing anything. What is to be done in this case? Please advise.
Ans:

Dear MM,

I am not against getting daughters married to people who live abroad, but at the same time, there’s only little that you know of them.

Just because the boy lives in the US, does not mean that he is broad minded and progressive.

Sadly, your daughter has fallen into a family that does not value feminine charm and power and wants to cull it before it can spread its magic around.

How do you explain something like this to her?

As a woman and mother, will you tell your daughter to grin it and bear it?

Someone who doesn’t have the decency to initiate a call to talk to his wife, sitting on a throne waiting for her to call? (I am going by the details provided by you as I don’t know his side of the story here).

It might be worth the effort to talk to your daughter and find out, if she has also put in the necessary work into growing into the marriage; as living far away from the family might have made her homesick and not working might have made her feel lonely.

This might have also caused her to isolate herself from the marriage which in turn would have caused cracks in it.

Hear both sides, and then come to a wise decision! Ultimately, she’s your daughter and I do know that you want what’s best for her.

So, think and act in a manner that’s best for her; unbiased to begin with.

Best wishes!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1563 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 27, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 26, 2023Hindi
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She was waiting for a person like me and I met her first time after 2.5 years of her marriage. The girl, currently aged 22 years was married (at her 14 years of age as per document or at 12 years as per actual (child marriage)) and has one girl kid aged 5 years. She is not comfortable with her husband from the day of her marriage due to daily harassments, abusing her parents, siblings etc., and she is trying to take divorce from his husband (also her parents agreed her decision too). Her husband(aged 38 years) is reluctant to the divorce due to honour issues. I am unmarried and all my well wishers are keeping pressure to marry and are ready to find/fix matches, but I am already in a relation with that girl and ready to take care of her which my family or anybody doesn’t knows. What should be my and her move?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your move should be to simply support the girl. It is highly possible that she is attracted to you more as a friend after going through a marriage at a young age and bearing a child as well.
She was looking out for a saviour and you happened to be at the scene. Let her breathe first from the shackles of a forced marriage before she jumps into another one with you. the emotional wounds from the first one must be allowed to heal before you pursue any relationship with her.
Kindly expect your side of the family to oppose this situation as they might not be in a position to understand the girl and what she has been through.
So, first...let all the legal matters get done and let her heal well from the past before she starts a new life. I don't know if you are patient enough for this and if she is emotionally mature to understand that you are not spurning her, but it is for her own good. Also, do know that you might expect unhappy family members; so be prepared to handle them as well.

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |556 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 05, 2023

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Dear Madam I am a mother of 24 year daughter. She studied in a reputed school with convent background till class XII. After that she went to Bangalore to study Mass comm but came back to her home town. Here again she got admitted to a new college but due to influence of drugs she could not continue. However she is out of that now. In 2020 she fell for a guy who is two years older and started living with him separately without our consent .She was working with a tier 1 IT company then and later she was asked to leave due to attentdance. After that she joined many company but could not continue. Though the guy work sometimes but the main point is he beats her up. Many times she came out but again she goes back saying she cant leave him. She has 5 dogs. Recently also something happened and her friends from canada called me . We asked her to come back but then later she backed out. We are afraid that we might lose her. We are just clueless what to do. How to convince her as she never listened to us. She is our only daughter and me and my husband are working parents.
Ans: Dear Nibedita,



I'm sorry to hear about the situation you're facing with your daughter. It's understandable to feel helpless and unsure about what to do next.

First and foremost, it's important to remember that your daughter is an adult, and ultimately, it's her decision on what choices she makes. However, as her parents, you can still offer support and guidance to help her make the best decisions for her well-being.

It's concerning to hear that your daughter is in an abusive relationship, and it's crucial to ensure that she understands the gravity of the situation. One option is to speak with a professional, such as a therapist or counselor, who can provide insight on how to approach the topic and offer guidance on how to support her.

Additionally, it may be helpful to reach out to organizations that specialize in supporting victims of domestic abuse. They can provide resources and advice on how to deal with the situation and can even offer assistance in finding a safe place for your daughter and her pets.

It's important to maintain open communication with your daughter and let her know that you're there for her, no matter what. Try to avoid blaming or shaming her for her choices, as this can further isolate her from seeking help. Instead, express your concern and offer to assist her in finding a solution that works for her.

Ultimately, it's essential to prioritize your daughter's safety and well-being, even if it means taking difficult steps such as seeking legal action or involving authorities.

..Read more

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |550 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Mar 19, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 02, 2025Hindi
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Hello sir/ma'am...i am a girl of 21 yrs and my bf 24yrs.We met each other through an online friendly chat app.Since 1yr,we r chatting,video and voice calls.He told me,he loves me and wanna marry me.I too liked him and I took the matter to my parents and they agreed for our marriage also.I made him talk to my parents.He didn't still let this matter know to his parents.Recently,without my permission..my cousin sis took his insta id and chatted with him like an unknown girl for fun.She created an account in insta and sent a request to him n he accepted that request and continued chatting with her.She told him like she saw his profile and interested and so given a request.He was asking her for voice call,video call,but she didn't accept.She sent some other picture when he insisted her pic and later he asked her "do u like me" for which she funnily replied love at first sight and love you.He told her he want to express his love to her in voice call and later he too proposed..she showed all those screen shots to me. I am broken.I questioned him what is all this?...for which he replied...he just chatted to find out whether that account was a fake account or real account...but,the screen shots were showing something different..when my cousin called him bro..he was very upset and scolded her too. Now,he saying he thought it's a fake boy id and wanted to make fun of and even fought with me saying i don't trust him and without his acceptance..i gave his id to my cousin..but,i havent given.. He is saying he wanted to test whether it is a fake or a real account and so he made fun off and didn't mean it and that too just chatting it is n not to take it seriously and he loves me much.. I am confused after this whether to proceed for marriage..he isthe first guy and love in my life...should i believe him or let him go or should i give him one more chance?..please give u r advice..thank you
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am so sorry that you are in this situation. While I can't make a decision for you, I can help you by pointing out how this looks like from an outsider's perspective- your BF's interactions with this profile do not really support his claim of "just testing if it's a fake account." It seems like he was interested in chatting and continuing the flirty conversations. This does not mean he is in love with the person behind that online profile, but it surely looks like he can go behind your back for some thrill.

Trust and honesty are two very important things in a relationship, and if you are planning on getting married, this is not a good start. Moreover, his getting angry at you upon confrontation is a red flag- he tried to gaslight you.
It's your choice whether you want to leave or give him another chance but before you make a decision in haste, ask yourself-
1) If he loves you, would he flirt with someone or even chat with a stranger for entertainment?
2) Would you do the same to him?
3) Is he taking responsibility and asking for forgiveness?
4) Can you trust him completely after this or would you always keep wondering if he is cheating on you?
Once you answer these honestly, I think you will know what's the right thing to do.

Hope this helps.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8111 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 19, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 17, 2025Hindi
Money
I am 39 years old and my wife is 38 working and my son is 7 years. I earn 35LPA my wife 15LPA. I started with zero as from a young age I took care of my parents by paying tuition and funded by my education. I completed engineering and started paying off my education loan from my first day of work. 2015 I got married and in 2016 we bought our first house. I moved my parents there and I take care of them they are financially dependent on me and I have a 4L health insurance for them. The first house is now worth 55L and I have paid off this loan. We built our 2nd house its worth around 1.2 crore and I have a loan of 70 lakhs left. I have a plot worth 30L which I have bought. I have 40L in MF and stocks, I do SIP of 1Lakh per month ( XIRR was good at 20% but now it's at 13%). I have 20L in gold and 10L in EPF. I have a 1cr term insurance and I do Jeevan umang of 4L per year started last year and Jeevan tarun for my son for 1.5L per year started 2 years ago and I have 40k of Jeevan anand started in 2011 for 25 years. My fear : My parents were dependent on me, and I had nothing to fall back on when I started my career. I do not want to be the same for my son. I want to be financially self-reliant when he starts his career and his life. I want to ensure that he doesn't worry about us when he starts his work life or if he wants to start a business, he has the freedom to do so. I have 15 years left in my career. I want to make sure my wife is also secured if I am not around. My questions is what can I do more to ensure we are financially well off?
Ans: You earn Rs. 35 LPA, and your wife earns Rs. 15 LPA.

You support your parents financially and have Rs. 4L health insurance for them.

Your first house is worth Rs. 55L and is fully paid off.

Your second house is worth Rs. 1.2 crore with a Rs. 70L loan.

You own a plot worth Rs. 30L.

Your investments include Rs. 40L in mutual funds and stocks.

You invest Rs. 1L per month in SIPs.

You have Rs. 20L in gold and Rs. 10L in EPF.

Your term insurance is Rs. 1 crore.

You have investment-linked insurance policies.

Your goal is financial independence for yourself and your family. You want to ensure your son does not have financial burdens when he starts his career.

Strengths in Your Financial Planning
You have built wealth despite challenges.

Your high savings rate helps in wealth accumulation.

Your SIPs give long-term compounding benefits.

Your first home is debt-free, providing stability.

Your gold holdings offer liquidity in emergencies.

Your EPF provides retirement security.

Your term insurance gives financial protection.

Areas That Need Improvement
Your insurance-linked policies are not wealth creators.

Your home loan is a major liability.

Your gold holdings may not generate high returns.

Your current insurance cover may not be enough.

Your parents’ health cover might be inadequate.

Your son’s education and future needs require better planning.

Steps to Strengthen Financial Security
Increase Term Insurance Cover
A Rs. 1 crore cover is low given your income and liabilities.

You should have a cover of at least 15 times your annual income.

Increase your term insurance to Rs. 2.5 crore for full protection.

Ensure your wife has her own term cover as well.

Reassess Your Insurance-Linked Investments
Traditional insurance policies offer low returns.

They do not provide inflation-beating growth.

Surrendering them and shifting to mutual funds is a better option.

This will give higher returns and better flexibility.

Pay Off Your Home Loan Strategically
Your home loan balance of Rs. 70L is a major liability.

Focus on repaying it within the next 5-7 years.

Increasing EMI payments or making part prepayments can help.

Avoid extending the tenure to reduce interest burden.

Optimise Your Mutual Fund Investments
Your SIP of Rs. 1L per month is a strong wealth-building tool.

XIRR of 13% is still a good return for long-term investing.

Ensure your portfolio has a mix of large-cap, flexi-cap, and small-cap funds.

Actively managed funds will help in capturing market opportunities.

Avoid index funds as they limit potential gains.

Strengthen Your Parents’ Health Insurance
Rs. 4L health cover for them may not be enough.

Increase their health insurance to Rs. 10L with a super top-up plan.

This will prevent financial stress in case of medical emergencies.

Plan for Your Son’s Education and Future
Higher education costs are rising rapidly.

Start a dedicated mutual fund portfolio for his education.

Avoid insurance-linked child plans as they offer poor returns.

SIPs in equity funds can provide high returns over 10-15 years.

Ensure flexibility in investments to support his career or business plans.

Secure Your Wife’s Financial Future
Your wife should have her own investments independent of you.

Ensure she has adequate insurance and retirement savings.

Consider joint ownership of assets for financial security.

Encourage her to invest in equity mutual funds for wealth creation.

Retirement Planning and Wealth Creation
You have 15 years left in your career.

Focus on accumulating at least Rs. 10-12 crore for retirement.

This will ensure financial independence and a secure future.

Continue SIPs and increase them whenever income grows.

Diversify into debt funds for stability in later years.

Systematic withdrawal plans (SWP) will help manage post-retirement cash flow.

Finally
Increase your term insurance for full protection.

Reallocate funds from low-return insurance policies to mutual funds.

Focus on clearing your home loan early.

Strengthen health insurance for your parents.

Create a dedicated fund for your son’s education.

Ensure your wife has financial security even in your absence.

Keep investing for long-term wealth creation and retirement security.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8111 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 19, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 17, 2025Hindi
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Money
Hello Sir - I have taken a HDFC Unit Linked pension plan in 2008 and the fund value is approx. 49 lakhs. The policy matures in 2030 and allows for commutation of 1/3rd of fund value (with mandatory annuity for balance 67%). My HDFC Life Relationship manager is suggesting that he will transfer the proceeds of this fund to a new HDFC Smart life pension plan (via surrender of old policy and immediate reinvestment as single premium in the new policy) for a term of 5 years. At the vesting date, I will be allowed to remove 60% of the fund value as tax free commuted pension and will need to take annuity only for remaining 40% of fund value. This is beneficial for me (since tax free commutation will be 60% instead of current 33%). In such a case, will the surrender of old policy and immediate reinvestment into new smart pension plan be a taxable transaction in India? I have claimed 80CCC benefits for part of premiums paid in the past. HDFC has informed me that the surrender value will not be taxable as no amount is received by me and the full amount is reinvested into the new policy (HDFC will also not do TDS). Is this correct? Thanks for your advice.
Ans: You have invested in a unit-linked pension plan since 2008.

The current fund value is Rs. 49 lakhs.

The plan matures in 2030.

As per the policy, you can withdraw 33% tax-free and the rest must be used for annuity.

Your relationship manager is suggesting surrender and reinvestment into a new pension plan.

The new plan allows 60% tax-free withdrawal instead of 33%.

You need to evaluate whether this switch is beneficial from a taxation and financial perspective.

Taxation on Surrender of Old Pension Plan
Pension plans under section 80CCC get tax benefits during investment.

If you surrender, the surrender value is taxable as per your income slab.

HDFC claims that no tax will apply as the amount is reinvested directly.

However, as per income tax laws, surrendering a pension plan leads to taxation.

Even if reinvested, the surrender value is added to taxable income.

Since you have claimed 80CCC benefits, surrendering can result in tax liability.

Misconception About Tax-Free Transfer
HDFC is not deducting TDS, but that does not mean no tax is due.

Income tax liability exists even if the amount is not received in hand.

If tax authorities later verify, you may face penalties or additional taxes.

You need written confirmation from HDFC and a tax expert’s opinion.

Evaluating the New Pension Plan Offer
The new plan allows 60% withdrawal instead of 33%.

The remaining 40% must still go into annuity.

Annuity income is fully taxable every year.

The new plan has additional charges, which can reduce returns.

The lock-in period of 5 years restricts flexibility.

If your goal is wealth creation, better options exist.

Should You Switch to the New Plan?
The tax-free withdrawal of 60% seems attractive, but consider the surrender tax.

If you are in the highest tax bracket, surrendering can be costly.

Locking funds in another pension plan reduces flexibility.

Instead, investing in mutual funds can give higher returns and better control.

You can withdraw systematically without annuity restrictions.

Reinvesting in a pension plan limits future financial choices.

Better Alternatives for Retirement Planning
Instead of shifting to another pension plan, consider equity mutual funds.

Mutual funds allow withdrawals with lower tax impact than annuities.

Debt mutual funds provide stability while maintaining flexibility.

Systematic withdrawal plans (SWP) help manage retirement income efficiently.

Combining equity and debt investments gives better post-retirement security.

What Should Be Your Next Steps?
Consult a tax expert before surrendering your pension plan.

Get written confirmation from HDFC on taxation treatment.

Compare annuity income vs. mutual fund withdrawals for retirement.

Ensure flexibility in withdrawals rather than locking into another pension plan.

Build a diversified portfolio that balances risk and liquidity.

Finally
Surrendering your pension plan may trigger tax liability.

Reinvesting in another pension plan may not be the best financial decision.

You need flexibility and better returns for retirement.

Mutual funds offer tax-efficient and high-growth alternatives.

Evaluate all options before making a final decision.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

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