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Girl in balcony catches my eye - How do I approach her despite family concerns?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1561 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 18, 2025

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Pursottam Question by Pursottam on Mar 16, 2025Hindi
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hello mam, i live in a residential area and i have a girl in a balcony front of my house. at first i liked her but she never looked at me. but after i gave her signs and wave she is now interacting. she always opens her curtains while studying so i can see her and even waves to me with her torch at late night. I want to express my true feeling but i am afraid of her family. i reaklly love her and we both are of same caste. things are in our favour. i want her badly. please mam help me please.

Ans: Dear Pursottam,
Looks a bit filmy, right? To assume that moving of curtains is leading to love is only fooling yourself. And based on this assumption, you want to express your feelings...How are you so sure that the girl feels the same?
By the way, how old are you? You have left that part off while writing your query.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Love Guru

Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on May 30, 2022

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Hello Ma’am/Sir. I, Shivam Sharma. I want a suggestion for the problem I am facing right now. Before that I am going to share my story with you. It is about 2018 when I joined a gym near-by my house. I got a crush on a girl. She came with her sister and brother. I used to watch her in gym. Later I found that I love her. I have had her in my dreams. After some time I think she knows that I watched her in gym and got a crush on her. Then she, her sister started watching me every day and sometimes they smile sometimes they used to make a strange face like angry or something but I didn't understand at all (mixed reactions). All this went for a long time till 2020 before COVID-19. I know her Instagram and Facebook handle but I didn’t her send her a request becoz of reputation. Even I can't able to talk to her in gym becoz of reputation. After that I didn't get the time to join the gym till now. Now the situation is I joined the gym but still I got mixed reaction sometimes smile or strange or no reaction. I don't able to understand what is going on in her head. I really want something to happen but in a positive way. I really like this girl I want to spend my whole life with her. I want to marry. I want this to happen in 3 months becoz after that I will move to some other state for my further studies. I don't have enough time. Ma’am, please help me how can I approach her. How can I make her feel positive or to like me and relationship all. I can't able to understand what I am going to do.  Shivam
Ans:

Whoa, slow down Romeo!

Just seeing a girl in the gym is different from spending the rest of your life with her.

Please be a little practical...you know NOTHING about her. So I’d suggest that you make a move to get to know her first, because you haven’t for three years!

And stop building her up so much in your head, it’s not healthy.

You’re obsessed with someone you don’t know. Go up to her and her sister in the gym, introduce yourself and maybe ask them both out for coffee after your workout session and get acquainted first.

You can think of marriage when you’re dating a person, not when you don’t even know her name! 

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1561 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 05, 2024Hindi
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I wanted to get clarity on my situation. I am 24yr old and i am working person. I am loving a girl in my office since two years and she also accepted. We are from intercaste and her parents accepted. But my parents are not in a way to get convinced no matter what. They want the caste to be same also and they are completely saying that what society will tell if you are doing like this and we cant live if you do like this. But i loved the girl the most and took care of her and being with her each and every second. I dono what to do. The only idea i m having is to go away from home , do my job and be with her. Now my parents are not allowing me to go to job also instead they asked me to take wfh. Please give me some suggestions on this. Please mam. Whenever i think of her that i left her and came i m getting so much chest pain which i cant bear. please help me with this. Constraints they are saying is its intercaste and age difference as she is 3yrs elder to me. But we feel that we are more compatible and more understanding. Girls side family agreed for this as they want their daughters happiness, but from myside they are doing emotional blackmail that they cant live if i do this and all. I am in hopeless situation, please help me with some suggestions.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
At the risk of sounding judgemental, I am going to say this...you can wait a few more years to actually get married. It will offer you financial stability which can act in your favor when you actually take the news to your parents. With financial stability, comes a certain level of confidence that you can use to stand your ground and make a decision. After all, you are an adult.
Caste beliefs are very strongly etched into minds in our society and take an entire generation change to accept a person from another caste/faith/religion...
So, you can either succumb to what your parents want OR wait patiently to tell them what your decision is. But whatever it is, make sure you don't make the girl wait and them 'dump' her after a few years...that is not OKAY! Stay firm and proceed. And as for the emotional blackmail from your parents on how they will live if you do this etc, it's a very unhealthy way of holding on to what they believe and want to to be pressured by all that drama. To counter this drama, you are falling back on your financial position and the confidence that comes with it.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1561 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 17, 2025Hindi
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Hi Everyone, I'm 28M, IT employee, please do think from my perspective what am I about to ask. Since according to indian standards I'm already late for marriage. Now the thing is I've seen enough of failed marriages, not only in news but in own family and not everytime it was fault of the female part but I've seen good men struggling to handle themselves, few times their parents in jail. Thing is I won't be able to tolerate this kind of situation and I'm afraid of myself if I'm ever in this situation. My mother has sacrificed enough to put me through school and college and I do not wish to put her in any trouble because someone had a previous relationship which they are not able to forget or they don't like me then but get's married for the sake of it. I've never been in relationship and has been introvert throughout my life. Things that I've seen in my office and on news and at home have shaken my trust into anyone. A guy like me who use to trust anyone just because they say so is not struggling to even trust my own parents sometimes. Now please don't give me argument like not evey women is like this. I know but I just can't trust anyone and I've told this to my parents yet they insist on me being married. Everyone around me is just telling me how important it is to be married but I just can't. Since I'm only kid of my parents now my mum stopped talking to me a d I've given her my side yet she is pretty adamant on me getting married. Kindly let me know how should I proceed. Also I'm not interested even in being live in or having a girlfriend. I just don't know what to make of my life. So pretty confused, angry, frustrated and what not. Also my mother says that she'll have a thorough background check before taking things any further. I know how cute she is. She thinks everyone is as honest as her. Kindly guide me about how should I proceed since most of the people in my family is now not talking to me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
How have you managed to confuse yourself so much? You know how?
By reading into situations that have happened outside of you way too much. Yes, I will say this to you; not all women are the way you perceive.
If you got attacked by a cat, you will say...All cats are aggressive and dangerous. Is this true? Are all cats that way or just the one that you got attacked by?
In your case, you have only seen failed marriages and you have concluded as some universal truth that things will go bad and then you have gone to the extent of protecting your mother. Do you not see what rigid thinking can do? Confuse you, derail you, disillusion you...
If you wish to set things right, change the way that you are thinking of marriage, potential partners for marriage...focus on what can go wrong rather than on what can go right, will help you a lot in this.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1561 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 15, 2025Hindi
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Hi Anu, My 24-year-old son (he is a Person-with-Benchmark-Disability with UDID registration) has mild ASD, Adult ADHD (leading to serious Executive Functioning Disorder) and a few PD traits causing significant difficulties in emotional regulation, impulsivity and perfectionism. They also cause serious relationship issues for him within our family (especially with the father probably as he is perceived as the authority figure to externalise blame on), in building and sustaining social relationships outside and so on, apart from many other challenges. You are aware far more than me:). He has been under medication and cognitive behavioural therapy for nearly 13 years now. Unfortunately he is not regular with medication. Frequency of ongoing online therapy sessions for the last few years has been once a week. The approach is therapeutic relationship building, and it seems to be working moderately well though the executive dysfunctionalities seriously interfere with his actual action-on-ground on the coping strategies / techniques / suggestions received or accepted. With all this, though difficult, he has managed his life well so far with support from family, school and so on. He is intellectually brilliant, a UGC scholar, published writer etc. At the moment he is preparing for his Masters admission. After a recent assessment, NIMHANS has recommended family therapy sessions for all of us. Can you suggest an experienced therapist in Bengaluru specialising in family therapy covering above issues who can undertake family therapy (online / offline)? His current therapist cannot take up family therapy as well for obvious reasons. Face-to-face sessions in NIMHANS is not feasible due to time and distance issues for each member of family. Also, he might be leaving Bengaluru soon for his Masters. TIA Regards
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Kindly follow what NIMHANS has suggested. They know what they are saying and well, for the wellness of the family, each member must make it to the family therapy whenever sessions are scheduled. These sessions not only handle the challenge at hand but also guide each of you on how to communicate with one another in the face of challenges. So, my suggestion would be that you follow what NIMHANS has advised until the point that your son has to leave Bengaluru. A little bit of understanding within the family can go a long way on easing relationship dynamics within the family and also establish better between all of you.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

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