I had a 2 years relationship with a girl. Last year she left me for another guy and gave him her virginity and got pregnant. After getting abortion that guy left her. Now she came back to me and talked to me for about 2 months just as friends but i loved her so much that i forgave her and accepted her and we got in relationship. But one night she told me about all her past with her 2nd boyfriend. Now i don't want to keep relationship as her past makes me shiver and i promised her for marriage but i can't get over the fact that she cheated me and lost virginity to another guy then came back and wants me to marry her. So if i am not sure of marriage should i involve in physical activities with her ( we never envolved in physical activities before ) or should i avoid doing that until i am sure of marrying her.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry that you are hurting but her past truly should not matter to you in the present. Ideally, I am not in favor of pushing people to disclose their past experiences, especially if they are not comfortable with it. But I agree that she was wrong to get into a relationship with you when you specifically showed dislike towards the things you mentioned. I suppose she liked you too much and did not want to ruin her chances. I should also mention that judging a person by their past or because they had certain kinds of relations with their ex is not fair; you were not in the picture. Regardless of it, your pain is valid. It isn't easy to come to terms with new information about your partner's past.

Now hear me out, past is in the past. It can only hurt you if you let it. Think about it properly- did she do anything in the present to hurt you? NO. Can you or she change the past? NO. Should she apologize for having a past? NO. Should you move past this and work towards a better future? That's the only thing in your control. Chose wisely. If you think you will hold her accountable for this forever, then you both should reconsider this relationship. If you think this fight is meaningless, and want to move forward with your relationship, then great.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Dear Himanshu,
How does her past matter in your present and future? Exactly how will her living together with her ex, at a point in time when you did not exist in her life, matter to you today? Why are you judging her based on the fact that she loved someone else before you? I understand that these feelings can creep in, but you have to counsel yourself. She isn't at fault here because everything that is bothering you today is in her past and she cannot change that, and why should she have to change it, anyway? Every time you find yourself feeling this way, you can ask the same question and answer honestly. And in case you think you cannot get over these thoughts, let her go. No one deserves to be in a relationship where they have to be constantly reminded of their past or judged for it.

Best Wishes.