Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1745 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 02, 2025

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 23, 2025
Relationship

I've been married for 19 years. We live in a joint family with my husband and in-laws. Since last year, my father has recently become bedridden and needs constant care. Since he lives in another city, I have been travelling constantly to take turns to attend him. I want to bring him to our home, but my mother-in-law strongly objects saying they will lose their privacy. My husband tries to mediate but often ends up siding with his mother, saying she's getting old too. I am not able to decide being a daughter and a daughter-in-law. Is it unfair of me to expect support for my father, or am I compromising too much in this marriage?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You surely are walking on a thin rope trying to balance both sides...it seems unfair, yes!
What I can suggest to you is: Find out what exactly is your mother-in-law's concern? What does she mean by 'lose their privacy'?
Usually, these statements are just reactionary to a much deeper concern. Try to address what bothers her; it could be as simple as your attention moving away from home and other responsibilities...she may possibly feel awkward being around your father...all these facts get masked under broad statements which to you may seem like excuses...so instead of playing this dance being the daughter and daughter-in-law, dig out more information, so that you can address concerns and not the reactions from them.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |645 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 01, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Please keep this anonymous Sir my husband is aged 65 yrs, and i am 60 ,both are retired and get pension My husband has a younger brother and sister.Both are married and well settled..We are settled and stable My inlaws are aged 91 and 86 respectively My father inlaw is bedridden since 15 years due to a stroke and is taken.care by my mother inlaw. They are financially stable with pension and house..My husband and his sister take turns in supporting them morally physically and help My husbands brother just comes occassionally for one day and visits and returns back..He never takes any responsibility of offering any type of physical and moral support.. My husband father has made a will of equally dividing his apartment worth around 65lakh and fds worth 30 lakh equally among the 3 children..I feel this to be unfair given the effort taken by my husband to take good care of them physically, morally Kindly advice anonymous
Ans: Navigating family dynamics and inheritance issues can be challenging, especially when there's a perceived imbalance in contributions. It's understandable to feel that your husband's significant efforts in caring for his parents should be more recognized in the will.

Parents often aim for equality in their wills to avoid conflict. They might believe that dividing assets equally is fairest, even if contributions differ. Your in-laws may not fully understand the support disparity or have other reasons for their decision.

Having an open, respectful conversation with your in-laws might help them see your perspective. If that's difficult, consider a family meeting to discuss everyone's views. Consulting an estate lawyer can clarify the will's implications and explore options for change, though this could strain family relationships.

Emotionally, support your husband by acknowledging his efforts. Sometimes, the satisfaction of caregiving can outweigh financial concerns. Propose compromises like including compensation for his contributions while maintaining equal asset division. Sentimental items could also recognize his efforts.

If the situation causes stress, a therapist can help manage feelings of resentment and provide strategies for maintaining family harmony. Balancing fairness with family relationships and emotional well-being is key. Open communication, legal advice, and emotional support will help navigate this complex issue.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |645 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 03, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I recently got married. I find it hard to live with my mother in law as she wants to micromanage. My husband keeps telling me that things are gonn be alright once you both understand each other ( His mother and I) due in time. My husband hardly stays at home due to work. I find it unfair that I’m made to adjust to his difficult mother while he continues to go about his life. Although we agreed to stay together with his mother after we are married, now that I’m finding it hard and I have requested him multiple times to do something about it since it’s effecting my mental health. And my point is that since it’s hard for me and since he is my husband why can’t he make some arrangements for me to live separate, example by making excuse of my workplace being too far from his house etc. But what he only says is ‘ Everything will be fine with time’ and I find this statement itself dismissing my difficulties. While he hardly stays at home he leaves me behind to adjust to his difficult mother is also something I find unjust. What shall I do
Ans: You’re absolutely right to voice your concerns; it’s a major transition, and feeling micromanaged can take a toll on anyone. But it’s also clear that your husband feels a sense of duty towards his mother and believes that, over time, things may settle naturally as you get to know each other better. While his optimism might feel dismissive, it’s likely coming from his hope that time will help ease things for both of you.

Taking a step back, it might be helpful to consider his perspective. For him, there’s likely a deep-rooted loyalty and sense of care for his mother, perhaps much like what you might feel if it were your own mother. He might hope that the three of you can coexist peacefully and that, with patience, you and his mother will reach an understanding. It’s possible he’s trying to avoid confrontation, believing it will make things harder for everyone.

Perhaps, try to find a balance that respects both your needs and his family obligations. You could approach him with empathy by acknowledging, “I understand that you want us to grow closer and that it’s important for you to support your mother. I’d feel the same if it were my own mother.” But you can gently express that, despite your efforts, the situation is taking a toll on your mental health and that a temporary solution, like living separately, could actually help everyone in the long run. Let him know that you want to build a strong relationship with his mother, but to do so, a bit of breathing room may help you approach her with more patience and understanding.

Opening the door to his perspective in this way might soften his stance and encourage him to consider arrangements that balance everyone’s well-being. By approaching the situation together, as a team, you’re more likely to find a solution that honors both his responsibilities and your need for space, making room for a more peaceful family dynamic in the long term.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |645 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 04, 2025

Listen
Relationship
Me and my wife don't get along well...She thinks my family members are not good enough, so she has no relationship with them. Earlier I was not in good shape due to my friend's circle and did not give quality time to my wife when we got married. A few years back there was a misunderstanding between both families. Mistakes were from both sides. Now my in-laws and wife do speak to any member of our family and have broken all relationships. This is for the past several years since they have stopped talking. My father is a cancer patient and wants to come and stay with me. He is 80 now but my wife is deadly against this though I have not discussed this yet with her. I need your guidance as to how to handle this situation and restore a good relationship between both families. My mother-in-law had fought with me in the past as well and held me responsible for her daughter's plight. My wife is very secretive and does not reveal anything be it about her salary/job etc. I am fed up and now I have started to think of separating if she does not allow my father to stay with me. Our marriage is almost 24 years now. I am 50 and she is in her late 40's....I want to get these things right and maintain a good relationship between both families. Kindly advise
Ans: Dear Trilok,
From what you’ve shared, it sounds like past misunderstandings between both families have turned into a long-standing rift. It’s understandable that you want to fix things and create harmony, but the resistance from your wife and in-laws makes it complicated. Before addressing the larger family conflict, the first step is to work on communication with your wife. You mentioned that earlier in the marriage, you weren’t able to give her enough quality time due to personal struggles. Do you think she still holds on to resentment from that time? If so, addressing those unresolved emotions could be a starting point for rebuilding some connection.

Since she is very secretive, it’s possible that she also feels disconnected from you in some way. Instead of making the father-staying discussion an immediate confrontation, try to understand her underlying fears. Is she worried about responsibilities, space, or past issues with your family? Bringing this up as a conversation about caregiving rather than a demand might help.

If her resistance is absolute and she refuses to even consider it, you’ll have to decide how much compromise you’re willing to make for the sake of your marriage. If you feel separation is a real possibility, ask yourself whether the relationship still has a foundation worth saving or if both of you have simply grown too far apart.

Would she be open to counseling or mediation? Sometimes a third party can help break the cycle of blame and secrecy. Do you feel that she still values this marriage, or has she emotionally distanced herself completely?

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |645 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 22, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 20, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi , I am 26 years old and married for four months now , I have a good relationship with my husband and in laws while staying in their home. My parents stay at a distance of 30 mins from my in laws home , while my parents expect me to be with them at least two days a week , I have tried to cut the days down. Now I am with my husband but as my father went out of the station for 5-6 days and my mom can't stay alone , I want to go and support her. Is that correct? I am with my husband from past 8 days nonstop n didn't go to my parents, now if I go it seems to have a problem with my in laws as they think I am going to my home very often
Ans: Wanting to support your mother while your father is away is not just correct — it’s deeply human. She’s alone, and your presence may be emotionally and practically important for her right now. At the same time, it’s understandable that your in-laws may feel a bit sensitive if they perceive frequent visits as a lack of “settling” into their family. But this isn’t about frequency — it’s about transparency and intention.

Rather than asking for permission or sneaking around the discomfort, try being open and respectful in your communication. You could say something like: “My mom is alone for a few days while dad is out of town, and she’s not comfortable being alone — so I’d like to stay with her just to support her emotionally. I’ve been here continuously and want to return soon after this short visit.”

When your in-laws see that you are considerate and not abandoning your responsibilities, but simply being a good daughter too, they’re more likely to understand. Over time, your consistency and maturity will build trust.

It’s also okay to gently help your in-laws understand that both families are important to you — and your presence in each doesn’t threaten your role in the other.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10872 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 06, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 06, 2025Hindi
Money
Dear Sir/Ma'am, I need some guidance and advice for continuing my mutual fund investments. I am a 36 year old male, married, no kids yet and no debts/liabilities as such. I have couple of savings in PPF, NPS, Emergency funds and long term investing in direct stocks. I recently started below mentioned SIPs for long term to grow wealth. Request you to review the same and let me know if I should continue with the SIPs or need to rationalize. Kindly also advice on how to invest a lumpsum amount of around 6lacs. invesco small cap 2000 motilal oswal midcap 2700 parag parikh flexicap 3000 HDFC flexicap 3100 ICICI prudential largecap 3100 HDFC large and midcap 3100 HDFC gold etf FOF 2000 ICICI Pru equity and debt fund 3000 HDFC balanced advantage fund 3000 nippon india silver etf FOF 2000
Ans: You already built a solid foundation. Many investors delay planning. But you started early at 36. That gives you a strong advantage. You have no liabilities. You have long term thinking. You also have diversified savings like PPF, NPS, Emergency funds and direct stocks. That shows clarity and discipline. This approach builds wealth with less stress over time.

You also started systematic investments in equity funds. That is a positive step. Your selection covers multiple categories like large cap, mid cap, small cap, flexi cap, hybrid and precious metals. So the intent is right. You are trying to create a broad portfolio. That gives balance.

» Your Portfolio Composition Understanding
Your current SIP list includes:

Small cap

Mid cap

Flexi cap

Large cap

Large and mid cap

Hybrid category

Gold and Silver FoF

Equity and Debt allocation fund

Dynamic hybrid fund

This shows you are trying to cover many segments. But too many categories can create overlap. When there is overlap, you get confusion during review. It also makes portfolio discipline difficult. You may think you are diversified. But the holdings inside may repeat. That reduces efficiency.

Your portfolio now looks like:

Equity dominant

Hybrid for stability

Metals for hedge

So the broad direction is fine. But simplifying helps in long-term habit building.

» Fund Category Duplication
You hold:

Two flexi cap funds

One large and mid cap fund

One pure large cap fund

One mid cap fund

One small cap fund

Flexi cap funds already invest across large, mid, small. Then large and mid also overlaps. So the large cap exposure gets repeated. That may not add extra benefit. But it increases monitoring complexity.

So I suggest rationalising. Keep one fund per category in core. Keep satellite space for only high conviction.

» Core and Satellite Strategy
A structured portfolio follows core and satellite method.

Core portfolio should be:

Simple

Long term

Stable

Satellite portfolio can be:

High growth

Concentrated

Based on your thinking level, you can structure like this:

Core funds:

One large cap

One flexi cap

One hybrid equity and debt fund

One balanced advantage type fund

Satellite funds:

One mid cap

One small cap

One metal allocation if needed

This division gives clarity. You can continue SIPs with review every year. No need to stop and restart often. That reduces behavioural mistakes.

» Your Current SIP List Review with Suggested Streamlining

You can consider continuing:

One flexi cap

One large cap

One mid cap

One small cap

One balanced advantage

One equity and debt hybrid

You may reconsider keeping both flexi caps and both gold silver funds. One of each category is enough. Because too many funds do not increase returns. It complicates tracking.

Precious metal funds should not be more than 5 to 7 percent in your portfolio. This is because metals are hedge assets. They do not create compounding like equity. They act as protection during cycles. So keep them small.

» How to Use the Rs 6 Lakh Lump Sum
You asked about lump sum investing. This is important. Lump sum should not go fully into equity at one time. Markets move in cycles. So use a staggered method. You can invest the lump sum through STP (Systematic Transfer Plan). You can keep the amount in a liquid fund and set STP toward your chosen growth funds over 6 to 12 months.

This reduces timing risk. It also creates discipline. So your Rs 6 lakh can be deployed gradually. You may use 50% towards core equity funds and 30% toward satellite growth category. The remaining 20% can go into hybrid category. This gives balance and comfort.

» Regular Funds Over Direct Funds
One important point many investors miss. Direct funds look cheaper. But they demand deep knowledge, discipline, and behaviour control. Most investors lose more through emotional selling and wrong timing than they save on expense ratio.

With regular funds through a Mutual Fund Distributor with Certified Financial Planner qualification, you get guidance, structure and correction. The advisory discipline protects you during market extremes. That is more valuable than a small saving in expense ratio.

A personalised planner also tracks portfolio drift, rebalancing need and category shifts. So regular fund investing gives long-term benefit and behaviour coaching.

» Actively Managed Funds over Index or ETF
Some investors choose index funds or ETF thinking they are simple and cheap. But they ignore drawbacks.

Index funds or ETF will not avoid weak companies in the index. They will invest whether the company grows or struggles. There is no fund manager decision making. So when markets are at peak, index funds continue aggressive exposure. In downturns also they fall fully. There is no cushion.

Actively managed funds work with research teams. They can avoid bad sectors. They can shift allocation based on market and economy. Over long term, this gives better alpha and stability. So continuing with actively managed funds creates better wealth compounding.

» SIP Continuation Strategy
Once the rationalisation is done, continue SIPs every month without interruption. Pause and restart behaviour damages compounding power. SIP works best when you go through all market cycles. You benefit more during corrections because cost averaging works.

So continue SIP amount. You can also review SIP increase every year based on income. Increasing SIP by 10 to 15 percent every year helps you reach large corpus faster.

» Asset Allocation Based Approach
One key point in wealth creation is having the right asset mix. Equity gives growth. Hybrid gives balance. Metals give hedge. Debt gives safety. Your asset allocation should stay aligned to your risk profile and time horizon.

Since you are young and have long term horizon, higher equity allocation is fine. But as time moves, rebalancing is important. Rebalancing protects gains and restores allocation.

So review your asset allocation every year or during major life events like child birth, home buying or retirement planning.

» Behaviour Management
Many portfolios fail not due to bad funds. They fail due to bad decisions. Selling during correction. Stopping SIP when market falls. Chasing past return performance. These mistakes reduce wealth.

Your discipline so far is good. Continue to stay patient during volatility. Equity rewards patience and time.

» Financial Goals Clarity
Since you have no children now, you can decide your long-term goals. Typical goals may include:

Retirement

Future child education

Dream lifestyle purchase

Health care reserves

When goals are clear, investment purpose becomes stronger. So you can map each fund category to goal horizon. Short-term goals should not use equity. Long-term goals should use equity with hybrid support.

» Role of Review and Monitoring
Review once in a year is enough. Frequent review can create anxiety. Annual review helps check:

Fund performance

Expense drift

Category relevance

Allocation balance

Then adjust only if needed. This progress helps you stay confident and aligned.

» Taxation Awareness
Equity mutual funds taxation rules are:

Short term (below one year holding) taxable at 20 percent

Long term (above one year holding) gains above Rs 1.25 lakh taxable at 12.5 percent

Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income slab.

So always hold equity funds for long term. That reduces tax impact and gives better growth.

» SIP Increase Plan
You can create a simple plan to increase SIP over time. For example:

Increase SIP at every salary increment

Increase SIP during bonus time

Use rewards or extra income for investing

This habit accelerates wealth. So by the time you reach 45 to 50 years, your investments could reach a strong level.

» Insurance and Protection
Before investing large, ensure you have term insurance and health insurance. If not already done, it is important. Insurance protects wealth. Without insurance, even a small medical event can impact investment plan. So review this part also. Since you are married, cover both.

» Wealth Behaviour Mindset
You are already disciplined. Just keep these simple principles:

Invest without stopping

Review once a year

Avoid funds overlap

Follow asset allocation

Avoid reacting to media noise

This helps you reach long term milestones.

» Finally
You are on the right track. Only fine tuning and simplification is needed. Your discipline is visible. Your portfolio will grow well with structure, patience and periodic review. Use the Rs 6 lakh with STP approach. And continue SIP with rationalised categories.

With time and consistency, wealth creation becomes effortless and peaceful. You just need to stay committed and avoid overthinking during market movements.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Dr Dipankar

Dr Dipankar Dutta  |1837 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Dec 05, 2025

Career
Dear Sir, I did my BTech from a normal engineering college not very famous. The teaching was not great and hence i did not study well. I tried my best to learn coding including all the technologies like html,css,javascript,react js,dba,php because i wanted to be a web developer But nothing seem to enter my head except html and css. I don't understand a language which has more complexities. Is it because of my lack of experience or not devoting enough time. I am not sure. I did many courses online and tried to do diplomas also abroad which i passed somehow. I recently joined android development course because i like apps but the teaching was so fast that i could not memorize anything. There was no time to even take notes down. During the course i did assignments and understood the code because i have to pass but after the course is over i tend to forget everything. I attempted a lot of interviews. Some of them i even got but could not perform well so they let me go. Now due to the AI booming and job markets in a bad shape i am re-thinking whether to keep studying or whether its just time waste. Since 3 years i am doing labour type of jobs which does not yield anything to me for survival and to pay my expenses. I have the quest to learn everything but as soon as i sit in front of the computer i listen to music or read something else. What should i do to stay more focused? What should i do to make myself believe confident. Is there still scope of IT in todays world? Kindly advise.
Ans: Your story does not show failure.
It shows persistence, effort, and desire to improve.

Most people give up.
You didn’t.
That means you will succeed — but with the right method, not the old one.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x