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Anu Krishna  |1725 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 19, 2025

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 09, 2025
Relationship

I am a 45-year-old divorced entrepreneur based in Pune. Over the past few years, I have been in three short-lived relationships -- all with people who couldn't commit or were emotionally distant. I have done some introspection and even tried therapy, but I still find myself falling for the same type of women. I want to understand what's drawing me to them and how to break this cycle.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
At times, people try and undo what they did in their failed relationships just to prove to themselves that they can make a new relationship work. But that sadly may not work. There's no point in jumping from one relationship into another until you heal from the relationship that didn't work...
Since you state that therapy did not work for you, kindly introspect as to what did not work in it and what could have been done to make it work. It will help in setting a clear boundary in a new relationship and also you will be clear in terms of what you want in and from a relationship.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Love Guru

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Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 29, 2021

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I am a 53-year-old male, serving in the Indian defence sector. I have always had a soft corner towards beautiful ladies. I have my family -- two grown up sons and a wife. My wife is not so beautiful enough and so I get attracted by beautiful women who speak with a smile. In the last four years, I have made friendship with three ladies. Their age group is around 25 to 30. These ladies are having so many boyfriends, but they don't accept it in front of me. I am wasting my hard-earned money for their happiness, but in return I don't get love or anything. Out of all three, one girl aged 28 calls me daddy because of her personal vested interest for online shopping. My financial crunch is getting worse. I want to get rid of this nonsense, but due to my nature I cannot avoid them. I still have friendship with them. I know they are not loyal to me. Please guide me in this regard.Name withheld on request
Ans:

There's a name for your predicament, pal -- you've become what is commonly known as a 'sugar daddy', an elderly man who lavishes young women with money and gifts and maintains their lifestyle in exchange for a relationship. And, in your case, it's without the side benefits!

There's no fool like an old fool, so I'd suggest you stop wasting your hard-earned money on pretty young things who are fonder of your money than they are of you.

Cut them off and remain faithful to your wife; these dalliances on the side are doing nothing but buying you some time with a pretty face -- at prices that you can't afford.

The word is ‘No’ -- learn how to use it!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1725 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 07, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 03, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
hello, I am 36 years old divorcee. I was in a relationship for 3 years with one person after 2 years of my divorce and he ditched me by saying that he is not ready for any commitment (as he is going through his divorce too). Now, I am completely devastated because I invested way more than I should on him. I tried different matrimonial sites for searching good mate/partner but eventually everyone I met turned out to be sex oriented. It's been year of my breakup with my ex, but I still crave for him. why? And day by day I am loosing hope to get settle down in my family bcz of finding such non-serious and one tracked minded males. what to do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Yes, you have invested more than what you could have...but don't we all do that when we want something to succeed.
After your divorce, maybe you wanted the next relationship to succeed and you gave it your all. But the man was not yet ready for his own reasons. What can you do about it? You were true in your intent...leave it at that without dissecting every element and turning its shadow onto future opportunities.

Move on; it's tough but understand that if you keep pining and obsessing over someone who is not available, you are only going to feel the pain again. For now, make that a closed chapter.
And once you close that chapter, only then you will be willing to explore newer opportunities with a full heart and an open mind. Yes, I do agree that you will find many wanting physical connections and not a relationship. But not all are inclined that way.
Once you direct your energies into a new avenue, it will yield results...and yes, I do believe in what I am saying here! Not all apples are rotten though a few might be and yet you don't dismiss eating apples, do you?
Get the drift?

All the best!

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |673 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 02, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 01, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi,i am a 28 year old woman being at crossroads when it comes to relationships. I am one of the unluckiest souls in this universe.An old school romantic being following the philosophy of one man woman.My love life consists of numerous one sided loves,crushes,2 three year old failed long distance relationships and terminating one potential long term romance(this was also long distance)See,I would want to be in a loving and long term relationship resulting in marriage.I guess i have always dated to marry. But unfortunately, my search for that one true love is still not coming to an end. I don’t know where am i going wrong? Am i asking for too much? Because the moment i said yes or responded to their advances ,they would become way too busy and i become an option. Before i say yes,they would always court me. I have to initiate the conversations every single time. As i result i stopped looking for love and start working on myself. I don't mind being single forever and skip marriage.I know there's something wrong in my apporach. Just tell me where am i going wrong?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

There's nothing wrong with your approach but I want to share a piece of advice that might help you in your dating journey. Instead of approaching relationships with the sole intention of finding a life partner, consider dating for the sake of love and happiness. Not every person you meet will be your soulmate, and that's perfectly okay. Sometimes, we need to experience a few heartbreaks and failed relationships before finding the right one. I appreciate that you have started focusing on yourself, but that does not mean you have to stop looking for a companion. Both are not mutually exclusive. And it's sad but some men indeed lose their interest in a woman as soon as the "chase" is over. But the good news is, it is only some men, not all.

I say stop looking for a man to settle down with because that might lead to compromises to make the relationship work. Instead, find a man who makes you happy. Enjoy the process of dating and evaluate the individual based on genuine compatibility and shared happiness.

Best Wishes!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1725 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 24, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I had an arranged marriage at the age of 30 which ended within a year as she had a lover and went back to him, in the process took away my money putting a false domestic violence case to claim alimony. My dream of happy married life was shattered, I lost faith in concept of marriage and remained single just focusing on my work. I never had any relationship with any female all through these years due to the phobia that women bring trouble to my life :) Now I'm 45 and feel the need to have a trustworthy life companion. The problem I'm facing is the trust issues and female phobia. Also since my so called married life was very short, I'm not mentally ready to consider marriage proposals of divorced women who got divorced after 4-5 years of their bad marriage since they have the past luggage. Its difficult to find unmarried singles also. Can you guide me on how can I overcome this situation and find a trustworthy, reliable companion for rest of my life?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There is no need to jump into a marriage right away, right?
Start by expanding your social circle that includes a good mix of people from different backgrounds and work spheres. You might just end up finding someone who matches your thinking, ideals and lifestyle.
Cross this before you start bride-searching. You need to get your faith back into wanting a life partner and in the institution called marriage. So, baby steps...Trust builds over time so, give time for yourself to heal while you explore the idea of socializing. It acts as a good bridge not knowing someone and knowing someone. The concept of 'Dating' will ideally fall here and you might find someone with whom you can spend the rest of your life with.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10810 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 03, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 03, 2025Hindi
Money
Hello, I am 30 year old female and am currently suffering because of credit card and app based loans from last three months. The loans amount to 3lakh and my monthly salary is not sufficient. I have considered enrolling with lawyer panel for loan settlement as I am facing harassment from recovery people calling if I miss emi even for two days. Its causing me great distress. I dont want my parents to suffer and also my job. I earn more than 50k per month. Guide me kindly on whether i should enrol for settlement and if not how do I become debt free.
Ans: First, thank you for sharing this openly. It takes courage to talk about financial distress. You’re not alone — many good earners fall into debt traps because of high-interest credit cards and instant app-based loans. You can come out of this with structure and patience. I’ll guide you step by step.

» Understand your situation clearly

You owe around Rs. 3 lakh and earn about Rs. 50,000 per month. That means your debt is roughly six times your monthly income — manageable with proper planning, but it needs strict discipline. The main issue is not the amount, but the interest rate and harassment from unregulated lenders.

» Avoid informal “loan settlement panels” or unverified lawyer groups

It is risky to enroll in private settlement panels or so-called “lawyer panels” unless you’ve verified their legitimacy through a trusted source. Many such agencies:

Charge high upfront fees.

Promise settlement but fail to negotiate effectively.

May worsen your credit score or even lead to legal complications.

Instead, always deal directly with your bank/NBFC. If the app-based loan is from a registered NBFC, you can file a complaint with the RBI Ombudsman if harassment continues.

» Take these first actions immediately

1. Stop taking new loans.
Do not take any new app loan to pay another. This only deepens the trap.

2. Create a clear list of your debts.
Write down:

Lender name

Total due

Interest rate

EMI amount

Remaining tenure

Once it’s all on paper, clarity replaces panic.

3. Prioritise debts.
Pay highest-interest debts (credit cards or app loans) first. Keep making minimum payments on others to protect your credit score.

4. Negotiate directly with lenders.
Call your credit card customer care and ask for a one-time settlement or EMI conversion plan.

Most banks will convert dues into a lower-interest monthly plan if you explain hardship honestly.

Never ignore calls. Always request written communication.

Keep records of all calls and emails.

5. Deal with app-based recovery harassment properly.
If recovery agents threaten or harass:

Record the call.

Report it to the National Cyber Crime Portal or RBI Sachet portal.

Many instant loan apps are unregulated or even illegal — you can refuse unlawful demands and lodge a complaint.

» Build a repayment structure

Your take-home pay is Rs. 50,000. Let’s keep your plan practical.

• Basic expenses: Around Rs. 25,000–28,000 per month for living needs.
• Debt repayment: Start with Rs. 15,000–18,000 monthly.
• Emergency & family contribution: Rs. 3,000–5,000 for safety.

With Rs. 15,000–18,000 monthly repayment, you can close Rs. 3 lakh debt within 18–20 months if you secure reduced-interest restructuring.

You can:

Combine smaller loans into one personal loan at lower interest (from your salary bank) to simplify repayment.

Avoid co-signing or using family credit.

Once repaid, never borrow from credit cards or loan apps again — rebuild only with emergency funds.

» Manage your credit cards

If your debt is mainly on credit cards:

Request EMI conversion or balance transfer to a lower-interest card or bank loan.

Stop using the card until the balance is zero.

Ask the bank for temporary interest waiver if financial hardship is documented.

» Psychological and job safety

Debt stress affects sleep, health and job focus. Recovery agents try to shame people into paying faster — ignore emotional blackmail.

Block harassing numbers after noting details.

Tell them to contact you only through official email.

Never let them involve your office or parents. That’s illegal under RBI’s Fair Practices Code.

If harassment becomes severe, file a police complaint under IPC Section 506 (criminal intimidation) or approach a local Legal Services Authority (free legal aid) for guidance.

» Steps to rebuild after clearing debt

Once loans are closed, take written closure letters and update CIBIL.

Keep one credit card with very low limit and pay full amount monthly to rebuild score.

Start a small emergency fund — Rs. 1,000–2,000 monthly until you have at least 3 months of expenses.

Then slowly begin investing in safe mutual funds or recurring deposits — never in credit-like products.

» Finally

You don’t need any paid settlement service. You can recover on your own with patience and structured repayment.
Avoid app loans, avoid quick-fix “lawyer settlements”, and use official channels only.
You have income, youth, and awareness — that’s your biggest advantage. In one to two years, you can be fully debt-free and emotionally free too.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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