Can I save my marriage without a divorce or suicide?

Madam, I am 61 years old , retired from Govt service an year ago. I have a problem in my family. Though my wife is a post graduate, she refused to take up any Job and wants all others including her in laws to give her money eternally. Misbehaved with my parents & sent them out of our house for their supposed conservative style and refused to allow my sisters family on a visit and quarreled with me on this ground time & again. She quarrels with me on silly issues loudly infront of kids. She reflects her mother`s attitude in dealing with my parents & relatives. Later She re-started her love affair with her ex lover . Fed up with quarrels at home and keep her away from unwarranted affairs, I decided to go abroad and took her also with me with our 2 daughters. There again, she started another illicit affair with my classmate cum colleague (whom i knew for 2 decades and i treated like a brother and was already married with kids). After 18 months of secret affair , behind me, they finally disclosed and wanted to elope leaving their families behind. Stunned by their ghastly betrayal , I sent my family back to India and also reported the matter to boss, who repatriated that Traitor back. I had to forgive my wife for sake of my Daughters who were aged 12 yrs and 9 yrs then. I am unable to come to terms with their ghastly actions though 2 decades have since passed. We sleep in separate rooms and I have no physical relation with her, ever since as our marriage is over for all purposes. I believe that mutual Trust & respect are the foundations of any marriage. Both are lost in our case. Now my daughters aged 31, 29 are Post graduates but are sitting idle at home wasting time in TV and refuse to do any job as their mother keeps telling them why should women work ?. They refuse to receive any external counselling nor willing to get married nor take up a job nor pursue any studies. They are financially dependent on me. I am now retired and live on Govt Pension. They refuse to understand the reality around them. They have no friend either in Relatives or in their college circles. What to do with their Intransigence? .

Hi Anu, I got married about 6 years ago. It was an arranged marriage. But it was I who went alone to see her. We got married after 10 months. All things are good between us. However my parents are very controlling. Initially they were not living with us. So there was not much of issues but since the birth my daughter they have made out life hell. My wife asked to visit her mother's place and my parents went nuts over this. They are very controlling. My elder sister who I think is emotional immature, initially supported us but things went south after she came to our home on Rakshabandhan last year. My wife wanted to go to her brother's house but my parents wanted his brother to come. Initially my sister didn't mind but my parents pressured her and she chicken out instead of supporting us. Now she is full on toxic and has convince herself that she is right. Since that incident my parents confidence has grown. My father started using abusive words with me but not in front of my wife. Soon they left us but they keep ob giving us mental torture. I always call them and then never tell me speak. They give bad wishes to us but sometimes says they never wish for us. Now they have started posting in family group and how the new generation is not respecting parents. They emotionally blackmailing me to get the things in their favour. I think they have my wife. They would have hated had it been some other women. From last one year I have built lots of tolerance. Earlier I used to get sleepless nights. But they keep on abusive me whenever they start this topic. I think this is quite a common problem. I need advice on how to handle typical manipulate, insecure and abusive Indian parents.

Hello ma'am! I live with my wife, daughter and in-laws in a flat allotted to my wife. In-laws are living with us for the last 8 years. They came to help during the early years of daughter. But they stayed. Over the last few years my relationship with my wife and of course in-laws has turned sour. We often fight and these don't get resolved easily. Most of the decisions are taken by them. I often feel like an outside person. My contribution has gone down both financially and physically. I tried to persuade my wife to move some where else but she refused. Discussed the same with in-laws but surprisingly accused me of playing tactics to make my wife follow my terms. The child over the years seeing all this follows only her mother. No one seems to be interested in any remedial measures. Wife (multiple times) and father in law have suggested divorce. Despite all this and multiple discussions with wife things are not moving forward. My parents don't support separation at this moment. Completely puzzled how to move forward. [I am 47 years old]