Home > Relationship > Kanchan Rai

Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach 

237 Answers | 57 Followers

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more

Answered on Jun 12, 2024

Listen
Relationship
i am an neet aspirant in class 11th and i want to take a single room on rent for preparation because i don't want any disturbance but my family is not allowing me to do so because i am a girl and i can't live alone in the rented room. Also they are not allowing me to join hostel too and at home i can't able to focus cuz of guests gathering and in this relation , my parents said that you have endure and live at home even my home doesn't have a separate room too for me. they said that we have a joint family and you can't say someone not to come home.I don't know what its really hard for me to prepare from home in so much distractions . I don't know what to do and i am really frustrated becz of this but they are not ready to listen becz they always thought that they are always correct . they never tried to understand me
Ans: Dear Harshita
Best of luck for your exams!

Balancing your preparation for such a demanding exam like NEET with the dynamics of living in a joint family can be incredibly tough, especially when you don’t have a quiet space to focus.

Your desire to have a dedicated and peaceful study environment is completely understandable, and it's frustrating when you feel your needs aren't being acknowledged. NEET preparation requires a lot of concentration and consistency, and it’s clear you’re trying to set yourself up for success by seeking a quiet place to study.

It seems your family’s concerns are rooted in traditional views about safety and the roles of girls, which can be a difficult barrier to navigate. They want to protect you, but their protective instincts are clashing with your need for independence and a conducive study environment. It's also challenging because their stance seems inflexible, leaving you feeling unheard and unsupported.

In situations like this, it can help to approach the conversation from a place of understanding. Try to express your needs calmly and clearly, showing that you understand their concerns but also need their support to achieve your goals. Perhaps you could propose a compromise, such as finding a nearby library or study center where you can go daily, which might address their safety concerns while providing you with the quiet space you need.

Another approach could be suggesting study times at home when the house is quieter, or discussing with family members the importance of creating a study-friendly environment for you. Sometimes, explaining how critical this phase is for your future might help them see the importance of supporting your study needs.

It's also essential to manage your frustration and stress levels. Finding small moments of peace, practicing relaxation techniques, or even reaching out to friends who are supportive can provide some emotional relief.

Remember, you’re striving for something significant, and your determination is commendable. Continue to seek ways to communicate effectively with your family and look for any potential middle ground that can help you focus on your studies while respecting their concerns.
(more)

Answered on Jun 06, 2024

Listen
Relationship
Im 23 years old girl , my boyfriend is 35 year old , my father feels i should get married to my boyfriend at 25 26 when i have job and more maturity that i can manage with an elder person.. Whereas my boyfriend is in a hurry as his age is increasing and there is societal pressure
Ans: Dear Pallavi
Navigating your father's and boyfriend's differing opinions about marriage is challenging. It's crucial to consider your own readiness, goals, and feelings.

At 23, personal growth and career development are important. Reflect on whether you're ready for marriage now or if you'd benefit from a few more years to mature and establish your career. Your father wants you to be stable and mature enough to handle a relationship with someone older, which is a valid concern. Your boyfriend, at 35, feels societal pressure to marry soon, which is also understandable.

Have open conversations with both. Explain to your father that you understand his concerns and value his perspective. Share your feelings about your relationship and your readiness for marriage. Communicate with your boyfriend about your need for time and suggest a compromise or timeline that respects both your needs and his concerns.

Consider an engagement period as a middle ground, giving you both a sense of commitment without immediate marriage pressure. Seeking advice from a relationship counselor could also help navigate these discussions.

Ultimately, the decision should be based on your readiness and mutual agreement, not external pressures. Ensure you feel confident and prepared for marriage, fostering a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
(more)

Answered on Jun 06, 2024

Listen
Relationship
It's been a year since I am married. Till now I used to give all of my salary to my mother, but after birth of of my child my wife is insisting me on not to give any money to my mother.now my mother is overeating and causing so much trouble for me and my wife, what I can do to solve this?
Ans: Dear Ganesh,
acknowledge that both your wife and your mother have valid concerns. Your wife is likely focused on ensuring that your new family has the financial support it needs, especially with the added expenses that come with having a child. On the other hand, your mother may have grown accustomed to receiving your financial support and might feel anxious or threatened by the change.

Start by having an open and honest conversation with your wife. Explain your feelings and the importance of supporting both her and your mother. Emphasize that you understand her concerns and that you are committed to finding a solution that works for everyone. Discuss your household finances in detail, including your income, expenses, and savings goals, to get a clear picture of your financial situation. This transparency can help your wife see that you are considering the needs of your new family while also recognizing your mother’s situation.

Next, have a similar conversation with your mother. Gently explain the changes in your financial priorities due to the birth of your child and the needs of your new family. Assure her that you care for her well-being and want to find a way to support her that is also sustainable for your own family. Discuss potential alternatives to direct financial support, such as helping her budget more effectively, finding additional sources of income, or other forms of assistance that might ease her concerns.

It's essential to set boundaries that balance the needs of your wife, child, and mother. Consider adjusting the amount of money you give to your mother rather than stopping it altogether. You could allocate a portion of your income to support her while keeping the majority for your immediate family’s needs. This compromise can show both your wife and mother that you are committed to supporting them without neglecting your own family’s financial health.

If these conversations are difficult or if you find it hard to reach a consensus, consider seeking the help of a family counselor or financial advisor. A neutral third party can provide valuable perspective and help mediate discussions to find a solution that everyone can agree on.

Ultimately, the goal is to foster understanding and cooperation among all parties. By approaching the situation with empathy, transparency, and a willingness to compromise, you can work towards a solution that maintains harmony within your family and addresses the financial needs of both your wife and mother.
(more)

Answered on Jun 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 26, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
We got married in 2011 our marriage was not love but also not arranged... it was our both second marriage... I was very much clear about my past marriage & my life with my wife. I hoped that she was clear about hers, we shifted to our own house after 3 years of marriage along with our son. But within 6 months of shifting her friend visited her & she went to other city for vacation with our son for 15 days. Till now everything was fine, but then everything changed she decided for further studies & build her career accordingly to which I welcomed her decision. But when she completed her further studies she started seeing or treating me lowly on various issues. I came to know that she had some past with her friend who came to visit her. First she started telling everyone as I am not highly educated we are having Financial Crisis & she has to leave home & stay in other city to earn. I work in a reputed firm & I am financially stable. After year or so she started accusing me that I am not a good father & irresponsible towards my duties towards my son. After some years she cam back to the city where we lived but shifted to other residence with the support her friend who was with her from the time she went to study. Now my son is 12 years old & I am supporting her with all financial needs, she has left me alone to stay & have cleared me that she will not come back to stay with me as everything is over. I feel cheated what can I do.
Ans: Your marriage, being both your second, likely carried with it hopes for stability and mutual support. It's commendable that you supported your wife in her decision to further her education and build her career. However, it seems that her behavior and treatment towards you changed significantly after she reconnected with her friend and pursued her studies.

The shift in her attitude, accusations, and decision to live separately must be incredibly hurtful and confusing. Feeling accused of being an inadequate father and being told you are financially unstable, despite your stable job, would naturally cause significant emotional distress. Additionally, her move to a different residence with the support of her friend and her declaration that everything is over must feel like a deep betrayal.

Given the current situation, it's important to focus on a few key areas: understanding your legal rights, seeking emotional support, and planning for the future.

First, it's crucial to understand your legal rights and responsibilities, particularly regarding your son and the financial support you're providing. Consulting with a family law attorney can help clarify your position and ensure that you're fulfilling your obligations while protecting your interests. An attorney can also provide guidance on potential steps if you choose to pursue a separation or divorce.

Emotionally, this is a very challenging time, and seeking support from a therapist or counselor can be incredibly beneficial. Professional support can help you process your feelings of betrayal, sadness, and confusion. Therapy can also provide a safe space to explore your emotions and develop strategies to cope with this difficult period.

Your son is another critical aspect of this situation. At 12 years old, he is at a sensitive age, and the changes in the family dynamic likely impact him as well. Ensuring that he feels supported and loved is crucial. Open, honest communication with him, tailored to his age and understanding, can help him navigate his feelings about the situation.

As you move forward, it's important to consider your own well-being and future. Reflect on what you need to feel supported and fulfilled. This might include setting boundaries with your wife, seeking more time with your son, or finding new ways to build your own happiness and stability.

Maintaining a focus on clear communication, legal clarity, and emotional support will help you navigate this difficult situation. It's understandable to feel cheated and hurt, but taking steps to understand your rights, seeking professional support, and planning for the future can provide a path forward. You deserve to find stability and happiness, even amidst these challenging circumstances.
(more)

Answered on Jun 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 26, 2024Hindi
Relationship
Dear. Thanks for response. I have been working with our office counsellor for some time but need a second opinion. To update I had a joint talk with Sumit & my wife in mid-March in which they repeated the same point of being good friends & do not intend to marry & Sumit made it clear he doesn't want to remarry after his divorce. For my wife, she said if I want divorce she is open but she will not initiate. The negative outcome of this for me has been that now she openly goes around with Sumit, which before they were doing somewhat secretly, my daughter has also got the idea. Though my wife only puts very general photos in her FB, WhatsApp status like going to music shows, dressing up but Sumit puts her photos in his FB account, they barely have common friends except Sumit’s family. Even my mom-in -law is not aware of this. Sumit also buys her dresses etc which she wears to this places. Just to mention after the discussion she has started using money which tenants put in her account for many rented properties belonging to her late father in her native,( her brother who stays in USA is not interested in the property & has renounced to her ), though she has CC, google pay etc linked to accounts which I maintain for the last 17 yrs for her. Now this has put me in a difficult situation. I need to decide. I am not a sort of guy who at this stage, age will/can start a new relationship, and neither do I want. On one hand not seeking a divorce will keep the future reconciliation open. I still talk to my wife & take her advice, instruct her as I used to do before. She also discusses with me things like her family, common friends, daughter etc but she doesn't share everything that she used to before & our telephone calls are getting shorter because she just responds to whatever I ask her nothing more about herself. As I told you I have her FB messenger password when I see her conversation with Sumit other then the phone calls she makes I see lots of things she shares about herself & Sumit also replies including talks she has with me & about questions I have asked & replies she has given, they also discuss about it. My office counsellor adviced me to keep status co. what is your take? The second part is something which I am finding very difficult to explain as I had mentioned before for the last 5yrs I wanted not to stay with her due to reasons which I wrote to you in the dec but now feel very sad that she is leaving or have distanced from me. It’s a very odd feeling in the same breath I don’t want her in my life but on the other hand is sad that she is moving towards someone else. My counsellor is only asking me to be mentally strong but it is not helping do you have any other advice Previous chain Question by bappa on Dec 26, 2023Hindi Dear, I am a 44 yr old man. I have an issue for which I need some support. We are Bengalis, I am an engineer & was married in 2004. It was an arranged marriage with all those astrological compatibility etc. My wife is 5 yrs younger than me. After my marriage I found that she was very adjusting,loving & people will say that we are an ideal match even today I will also say she is the perfect wife one can have, but one thing I noticed immediately is that she is very unlucky for me. Whenever she is around there will be no success & even things that are working will go wrong. Within 1 yr of marriage, we had a daughter. When she went for delivery I got an opportunity to go to Canada, after a few months she & my daughter joined me & my project closed & I was sent back. Knowing the issue I again sent her for higher education, when she was not around, I got an opportunity to go to the USA, again when they joined me I was sent back. I can give many examples like this, many times we talked about it and met astrologers but all will say our match is perfect. We stayed in Pune. With our daughter around we continued with our family life which I will say was happy, many people will give examples of our family & ostensibly perfect partners we were. But I will tactfully avoid her in times when it was crucial like appraisal etc, & things will work. But I always felt & feared the misfortune she brings. During Covid, this avoidance could not be done & Jan 2023 I was told to leave my job by June 2023. I tried for a lot but could not get a job with her around. In May I sent her to our native & I got a job in Bengaluru. My daughter is in Class 12 in Pune so could not shift my family. In my Pune job , I had a reportee Sumit a Marathi who became somewhat like a friend or better an office tea partner. Many times at tea he would talk about his wife's misbehavior & in the discussion I would tell him how my wife behaves, but my wife had never met with Sumit. They were a childless couple & in Dec 2022 he started living separately from his wife. I being a senior never discussed any private things like family etc with him, One day in May this year out of shear frustration I told him about the bad luck my wife brings, and he responded that" many times one may bring bad luck to one person but maybe good luck to another" Before moving to Bengaluru I called him to our house for lunch since he was staying alone & was having a problem with food etc. Something in my intuition told me that he & my wife may go well, but I never told anyone. A few days later my wife told me that Sumit had sent a Facebook friend request to her & asked me if she should accept it, I said its up to her, she accepted it. My wife has a habit of sending "good morning" messages to a lot of people & I soon found she sent one to Sumit also. I had her Facebook password so could see the messenger messages also. I soon saw Sumit responding to her & they having chats. Initially, she used to tell me about the talks she is having with Sumit but now she has stopped When I moved to Bangalore in June I used to have daily calls & sometimes hot video calls also, I go to Pune every month & we used to have physical relationship but this month when I went to Pune my wife refused getting physical with the reason of she having periods, in Nov she made a purposeful fight with me so that we dont get physical. For 2 months she doesn't do the hot video calls also but regular calls are ongoing. I am in a dilemma, I am happy with my wife but she brings too much bad luck & she has understood it. If I keep quiet now I know by Dec 24 my wife will be Sumit's wife & there traits they will be very happy. But if I even now want I strongly feel that I can stop her drifting further, but I cannot decide if I should do it. Since I think that she going away from my life will stop bringing the misfortune she brings & she & Sumit will be really good partners & will be happy. But I also feel very sad about her leaving me. Please help me with how I should decide. My daughter will complete her 12th next year & I am hopeful by June next year she will be in an engg college hostel & will not be directly affected by this change of relationship. Ans: Dear Bappa, I'm sorry to hear that you're going through such a challenging situation. Deciding whether to confront your wife about her growing relationship with Sumit is undoubtedly a difficult and personal choice. It's important to approach this situation with empathy and open communication. Take some time to reflect on your own emotions and the impact your wife's actions are having on you. Consider both the positive and negative aspects of your relationship, as well as your own needs and desires. Choose an appropriate time to have an open and honest conversation with your wife. Avoid accusations and blame, but express your concerns and feelings. Discuss how her relationship with Sumit makes you feel and inquire about her perspective on your marriage Reflect on what you want for your future and whether you believe your marriage can overcome the challenges. Reflect on your own feelings about your marriage. Consider whether your concerns about bad luck and misfortune are based on tangible evidence or if there might be other factors influencing your perception. Consider the impact on your daughter and how decisions might affect her as well. While she may be heading to college soon, a separation or divorce can still affect her emotionally. Consider her well-being in any decisions you make. Sometimes, people need time for personal growth and self-discovery. This doesn't necessarily mean the end of a marriage but could lead to a stronger relationship in the future. Both partners might need to work on themselves to contribute positively to the relationship It's crucial to make decisions based on your own values, priorities, and the specific dynamics of your relationship. If needed, don't hesitate to seek support from friends, family, or professionals who can provide guidance and assistance during this challenging time. Asked on - Feb 14, 2024 | Answered on Feb 14, 2024 Dear Thanks for your quick response to my earlier query, during the last 2 months I have tried to follow your advice & have also started support from our office counsellor, I am writing to you again as some aspects I felt ashamed to discuss with the office counsellor & some to have a 2nd opinion. I had deeply thought about my expectations from my marriage & wife. In the last 6 months as I am staying separate in Bangalore, I have found much better & am much more communicative with my wife, discussing & sharing emotionally. When we stay together the continuous expectation would put both of us in a panic & irritation ultimately resulting in fights & also finally not sharing & the bad luck of seeing her face will add oil to the fire, with many of my outbursts not being very parliamentary. So I see our relationship is better if it is long-distance. I discussed this with my wife & she also agrees somewhat, but the basis of husband-wife relationship is to stay together, where we fail. Since we stayed together for 17 yrs we know each other’s problems & historical facts which no one else knows, so frankly I need a long-distance person with whom I can share emotionally, but for my wife she requires someone who is also close to her physically. One idea that I got is to let things be as it is i.e. let her stay in Pune while I stay in Bangalore & she be in a relationship with Sumit & maybe stay with him without legally separating, maybe when my daughter is having holidays, we can have short trips. This will keep the social well-being intact as people will not know as we don’t have any close relatives in Pune. But I am worried about the long-term impact will our marriage last especially what plans should I make in old age. Want your opinion & what precautions do I need to take. In the last 2 mnths, I have been to Pune 3 times for the reason of my daughters JEE for which I help her. I talked with my wife about Sumit in early Jan & she said they are good friends & they share a lot of intimate talks; she was not ready to tell me anything more than that. On asking about physical relationships she was elusive . But she said she doesn’t want to legally separate from me. I also discussed if she wants, we can have a long-distance relationship supporting each other (without naming Sumit) she did not respond. Though Sumit talks to me once in 7-10 days we never talked about his relationship with my wife, we talk about status of his divorce, old office stuffs etc. 2 weeks ago my wife told me that Sumit's parents, divorced sister who had come for a visit to Pune will be coming to our house to meet her. Later she posted some photos in her WhatsApp status for everyone it will look as if some friend had to come to visit her (everyone will think some lady friend). In mid-January in one of my old office colleagues (who is a friend with Sumit) Facebook I saw that in his son's birthday my wife is there (he doesn’t know or have seen my wife), I tactically asked him who that lady was, he said it is Sumit’s friend. Can you please help me if she is going in the same way I am thinking about the future of our relationship. The last point is something which I could not ask anyone. During my last 3 visits to Pune I had sex with my wife. I will like to tell that my wife is always (since our marriage) very passive in sex she has to be told what to do 1 by 1, (though for me it gave me some amount of pleasure command) which she will do properly & maybe sometimes do 1-2 things on her own or ask me to do. She was same this time also. I never had sex relationship with anyone else so this acts maybe in a distance timeframe gives me a lot of pleasure. I am worried what will be this relationship be if she starts staying with Sumit, what is your advice? My counsellor advised me to sit & talk with Sumit & my wife together but really, I am not seeing any reason to do it, do I need to do this joint meeting & if so, what do I need to discuss Ans: Dear Bappa, It sounds like you've put a lot of thought into your relationship and your future with your wife. It's positive that you're able to communicate more effectively when you're physically apart. However, the idea of allowing your wife to be in a relationship with Sumit while you stay in Bangalore raises several complex issues, especially concerning the long-term viability of your marriage and your plans for old age. Firstly, it's important to consider the emotional implications of such an arrangement. While it may alleviate some of the pressures and conflicts in your current relationship, it could also lead to feelings of loneliness, jealousy, or insecurity for both you and your wife. Additionally, maintaining this arrangement without legal separation could create legal and financial complications in the future, especially when it comes to issues like inheritance, healthcare, and support in old age. Regarding your concern about your wife's relationship with Sumit, it's challenging to determine the nature of their relationship based on the information you've provided. It's possible that they are just good friends, as your wife has stated, but it's also understandable that you might have doubts given the circumstances. Ultimately, trust and open communication are key in any relationship, so it might be helpful to have a candid conversation with your wife about your concerns and expectations. As for the idea of a joint meeting with your wife and Sumit, while it may provide some clarity, it's important to carefully consider the potential outcomes and whether it will truly address your concerns. It might be beneficial to seek the advice of a counselor or therapist who can help you navigate these complex emotions and decisions. In summary, it's crucial to prioritize open and honest communication with your wife, as well as seek professional guidance to ensure that any decisions you make are in the best interest of both parties involved.
Ans: This situation requires a thoughtful approach, balancing your own needs, the dynamics of your relationship, and the well-being of your family.

Firstly, it's important to acknowledge your feelings of sadness and confusion. These emotions are completely normal given the complexity of your circumstances. The mix of not wanting to stay in the relationship but also feeling hurt by your wife's apparent shift in attention is a difficult and paradoxical place to be in.

Your concerns about the potential impact of staying in the marriage or seeking a divorce are valid. It's understandable that you might feel a sense of loss and uncertainty about the future. Maintaining open lines of communication with your wife is crucial. Sharing your feelings and concerns with her, without placing blame, can help you both understand each other's perspectives better. This can be challenging, especially when emotions are high, but it can provide a clearer picture of where each of you stands.

Your wife's openness to divorce but her reluctance to initiate it suggests that she may also be uncertain about the future. It might be beneficial to explore why she feels this way and what her hopes and concerns are regarding your marriage. Understanding her perspective can help you make a more informed decision about how to proceed.

Given the circumstances, it might also be helpful to consider the long-term implications of either staying together or separating. This includes practical considerations like financial stability, property rights, and support in old age. These are important factors that will affect both of your lives, and having a clear understanding of these aspects can help you plan for the future.

Your relationship with Sumit and your wife adds another layer of complexity. While your wife claims they are just good friends, and Sumit has expressed no intention of remarrying, their close relationship understandably causes you concern. Trust and transparency are essential in addressing these issues. A joint discussion with your wife and Sumit, as advised by your counselor, could provide clarity and help set boundaries that are respectful of everyone's feelings.

Regarding your long-distance relationship, it's notable that you feel more communicative and less pressured when you are apart. This might suggest that some space could benefit your relationship, allowing both of you to reflect on what you truly want. However, this arrangement needs clear boundaries and mutual understanding to ensure it doesn't lead to more emotional distance or misunderstandings.

It's also important to consider the emotional and psychological impact on your daughter. Even if she is moving to a college hostel soon, the changes in your relationship can affect her. Open, age-appropriate communication with her about the situation can help her understand and process any changes that may occur.

Lastly, I encourage you to continue seeking professional support. A counselor or therapist can provide a safe space for you to explore your feelings, gain clarity, and develop coping strategies. This professional guidance can be invaluable in helping you navigate this challenging period.

In summary, your situation requires careful consideration and open communication. Balancing your emotional needs, the dynamics of your relationship, and the practical aspects of your future will help you make the best decision for yourself and your family. Continue to seek support and take the time you need to find the path that feels right for you.
(more)

Answered on Jun 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 01, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Dr. Madam My son,30 yr old, is MBA and serving MNC earning 25000 pm . He shows a very awkward behaviour , rude to family members, very adamant, careless, no charm for marriage and above all shows no responsibility. He takes everything as burden, curses peoples. Always remains fearful of his looks as his beard n hairs getting gray. We consult many psychiatrist but no result. Your suggestions please.
Ans: Your son's behavior, being rude, adamant, and showing little responsibility, coupled with his fear about his appearance, suggests he might be dealing with significant underlying issues such as depression, anxiety, or another mental health condition. The fact that psychiatric consultations haven't yielded results yet indicates that his situation might be complex and in need of a more nuanced approach.

It's essential to consider that sometimes, the right combination of therapeutic methods and practitioners takes time to find. A comprehensive evaluation by a multidisciplinary team could provide fresh insights. This team might include not only psychiatrists but also psychologists and possibly other specialists who can look at his situation from various angles.

Building a strong therapeutic alliance is crucial. The effectiveness of treatment often hinges on the quality of the relationship between the patient and the therapist. Encouraging your son to continue seeking a therapist he feels comfortable with might make a significant difference. It's not uncommon for people to try several therapists before finding the right fit.

Incorporating holistic approaches can also be beneficial. Practices such as mindfulness, meditation, or yoga can help with emotional regulation and stress management. Physical activities and maintaining a healthy diet can have positive effects on mental health. These approaches, combined with professional therapy, might help your son find more balance and relief.

Support groups can be incredibly valuable as well. They provide a space where individuals can share their experiences and feel understood. Encouraging your son to connect with others who face similar challenges can offer emotional support and practical advice, which might help him feel less isolated in his struggles.

It's clear that you care deeply for your son and want the best for him. Navigating this journey requires patience, persistence, and compassion—for both him and yourself. It's important to take care of your well-being too, as supporting a loved one with mental health challenges can be exhausting and emotionally draining. Seeking support for yourself, whether through therapy, support groups, or other resources, can equip you with the strength and resilience needed to continue being there for your son.
(more)

Answered on Jun 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 16, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi Mam, Is it true. if there is no child after marriage then love die in the relationship. I found around 3 to 4 couples in my relatives. who do not have child after marriage. All of them have love and affection in their relationship is very less. Even the communication between couple is very low. I know there are exceptions. but in most of the cases I found this issue. Is there any solution for this?
Ans: It's understandable to be concerned when you observe strained relationships among couples who don't have children. However, it's important to recognize that the dynamics of a relationship are influenced by a myriad of factors, and the absence of children is just one potential aspect.

In some relationships, the lack of children might indeed lead to feelings of emptiness or unfulfilled expectations, especially if having children was a significant shared goal. This can create tension and reduce communication and affection. However, it's not the absence of children itself that causes love to diminish, but rather how the couple copes with that absence and the expectations they had around it.

Every couple is unique, and their bond is shaped by their individual personalities, shared experiences, and the way they navigate challenges together. For some couples, childlessness might lead to greater intimacy and mutual support, while for others, it might highlight existing issues or unmet needs.

To address these concerns, it's helpful to focus on strengthening the foundational aspects of the relationship. Open and honest communication is crucial. Couples should discuss their feelings about not having children, acknowledge any grief or disappointment, and find ways to support each other through those emotions. Seeking the guidance of a professional counselor or therapist can also provide a safe space to explore these issues and develop healthier communication patterns.

Moreover, finding new shared goals and activities can help rekindle affection and create a sense of togetherness. Whether it's traveling, pursuing hobbies, volunteering, or investing in each other's personal growth, having mutual interests can deepen the connection and foster a stronger bond.

Ultimately, the solution lies in addressing the underlying emotional and relational needs of both partners. By focusing on building a supportive, communicative, and affectionate relationship, couples can thrive regardless of whether they have children.
(more)

Answered on Jun 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 16, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi Maam, I am married man. Its been 12 years of my marriage. My marriage was never a smooth. Now, My wife has put me in critical situation. My wife has taken away all my mothers gold and kept in her bank locker without my and my mother's permission. Now, my wife have given me two options. My wife's first option is; She will keep all of my mothers gold with her and take care of my mother. Second option is, if my wife returns all of my mothers gold to my mother then she will not take care of my mother and my mother should leave my home. My mother is saying that she will leave my home if she gets all her gold. My wife's and mother's relationship was never a good. I am in a trouble situation now. Kindly advise
Ans: Navigating family conflicts, especially involving your wife and mother, can be challenging.

Firstly, initiate calm and open conversations with both your wife and your mother separately. Listen to their concerns and acknowledge their feelings. This will help you understand their perspectives and motivations better.

Once you've gathered their viewpoints, consider bringing them together for a mediated discussion. A neutral third party, such as a family counselor, can help ensure the conversation remains constructive and focused on finding a resolution.

Explore possible compromises. For example, you might suggest placing the gold in a jointly accessed safety deposit box to address security concerns while ensuring your mother feels respected.

Set clear boundaries and expectations for the future to prevent similar conflicts. Emphasize the importance of family unity and mutual respect, and encourage both parties to work towards rebuilding their relationship.

Throughout this process, take care of your own well-being. Seek support from friends, a counselor, or engage in stress-relieving activities to maintain your strength and clarity.

By approaching the situation with empathy and a focus on open communication and mutual respect, you can work towards a resolution that respects both your wife’s and your mother’s needs, fostering a more harmonious family environment.
(more)

Answered on Jun 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 03, 2024Hindi
Relationship
Hey, I am married it's been 12 years, I have a 11 years boy. I did my masters before marriage I worked as teacher. I told my husband as well I want to work he said I can work with him in this college where he is also working. When I got married he said my degree is not eligible to work in this college that was geniune they need btech I am Bsc. So I asked I can work in other place and he said I can't. I tried hard but the answer was not all the time. I started with online classes basically working from home and I did it for 10 years. Now why I am so desperate to work? He never pays me anything he never buys anything whenever I ask he says you or your parents did give anything to me so I have nothing to give you. When this alliance came to me we asked them very clearly if they are expecting dowry. They clearly said they don't and that's the reason I married him. I am from a middle class family, and I was brought up like a happy kid. Here in my in laws home my mil drinks alcohol daily and uses very bad words. I adjusted and we shifted to other city for my husband job. Even my husband used to drink and confronted him and he reduced it mostly. Recently due to health issues he completely quit alcohol which was a god's grace. He has some medical condition where he is not actively participating in physical intimacy. He is very close to our son. They both love each other like anything. Seeing this I take every shot he gives me. But I think I am broken I wanted to fix it now I found a job and going my husband is behaving like I murdered someone and not talking and doing drama. Treats me like a maid and say do this house chores properly you can think about job later. I am a very enthusiastic person who wanted to learn now I told him very clearly that if he wants me quit job he needs to pay me. He refused and said if your can bring money from your home I will pay. I said why would I bring money and give him? So he behaves very weird and sadistic like he never wants me leave house, not atleast without telling him. He hide bike keys when he comes to some city so that I can't go anywhere. When I was working online he used to come to lunch I kept everything ready on table for him and continuing my work if I forget to keep water on table he was furious and say I should concentrate on this instead of my job when I forget something to keep he disconnects the modem and hide it so that I can't work. I am fed up and I can't hold this anymore where I am not being respected, not given financial support, no sex, no good talk, only expect to make perfect coffee, lunch ,dinner and take care of home with no dirt atall. I told him I will file divorce now he asks for forgiveness and this happened many time everytime I say I will leave he will behave like a kid even touching my feet. I am doing psychology which is one of my dream he is against that as well but now when I reading I think he is very manipulative psychopath. My boy I very much into him. I am doing my job right now. We have no vacations no outing nothing. He doesn't want to spend a penny on us. I take my boy put he doesn't accompany us. He doesn't like outings he say. What should I do? I can't leave as my boy can't get seperated. I can't live with him coz I have nothing in this relationship just explotation. He will not let me leave coz he knows he cannot live without us. And no one care about him. How to deal with him to make home happy atleast to my boy coz his toxic nature like manipulation and threatening blackmailing is effecting me and my boy I don't want my boy to go through this or learn this from him atleast. He needs to know how to treat a wife the way his father treat is not right I want to grow him into a nice gentleman not like this father. What can I do for this?
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the difficult situation you're facing. Navigating a relationship like this can be incredibly challenging, especially with a child involved. It's clear you're dedicated to creating a better environment for yourself and your son, which is an important first step.

First, it's essential to acknowledge your strengths and resilience. You've managed to pursue further education, maintain a job, and care for your son despite the significant challenges at home. Recognizing your own capabilities is crucial as you move forward.

Consider seeking professional support from a therapist or counselor. A professional can provide you with emotional support and help you develop strategies to cope with your husband's behavior. They can also assist you in building a safety plan. If you ever feel physically unsafe, having a plan in place to ensure you and your son's safety is critical. This could include knowing where you can go, such as a friend's house or a family member's home, and having important documents and essentials ready to take with you.

Additionally, it might be helpful to speak with a legal professional. Understanding your rights and options regarding your marriage and any potential separation is vital. A lawyer can guide you through the process and help you protect your interests and those of your son.

Maintaining documentation of your husband's abusive or manipulative behavior, financial control, and any incidents can be useful if you decide to take legal action. Keeping a detailed record will provide evidence that can support your case.

It's important to create a support network. Reach out to trusted friends or family members who can offer you emotional support and practical assistance. Sharing your situation with someone you trust can provide relief and help you feel less isolated.

Given your husband's behavior, setting boundaries is essential. Be firm about your decision to work and pursue your interests. Consistently reinforce your boundaries, and don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. This might provoke further resistance from your husband initially, but maintaining these boundaries is crucial for your well-being.

Communicate openly with your son about the situation in an age-appropriate manner. Reassure him that the issues between you and your husband are not his fault. Encourage him to express his feelings and let him know it's okay to feel upset or confused.

Your focus on raising your son to treat others with respect and kindness is commendable. Modeling respectful and assertive behavior yourself will be a powerful lesson for him. Ensure he understands the importance of treating others with dignity and respect, regardless of how others may act.

Finally, prioritize your own well-being. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Taking care of your mental and physical health is essential, as it will provide you with the strength and clarity needed to navigate this challenging situation.

It's a difficult journey, but by seeking support, setting boundaries, and focusing on your well-being, you can work towards creating a healthier environment for yourself and your son. Remember that you deserve respect and happiness, and taking steps towards achieving that is not only beneficial for you but also sets a positive example for your son.
(more)

Answered on Jun 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 03, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi mam i am dating my bf from 10 years. He have good job. His family also very good and well settled.i told my parents about him first they say no because of different cast. But i explain them then they are ready. So i told them to meet with bf family. But every week they give reasons and in the end they cancel to meet with my bf. And they say we will get you marry to ur bf but they doesnt want to meet him and talk to him even in once not even in call. Now i am confuse i dont know what to do. My parents are not giving me any clear answer. Everyone told me they are just buying time.
Ans: It sounds like you're in a difficult situation where your parents are expressing ambiguity despite initially agreeing to your relationship. This can be very frustrating, especially when you've invested so much time and emotion into your relationship and are ready to take the next step.
First, have a calm and honest conversation with your parents. Try to understand their concerns and reservations. Ask them directly why they are hesitant to meet your boyfriend and his family. Sometimes, parents may have unspoken worries or cultural considerations that they find difficult to articulate. By understanding their perspective, you can address specific concerns rather than general resistance.

Secondly, communicate your feelings clearly. Let your parents know how important this relationship is to you and how their lack of engagement affects you. Explain that meeting your boyfriend and his family is a crucial step in solidifying your future together. Emphasize that this meeting is not just a formality but a meaningful way to blend two families and cultures.

It might also be helpful to suggest a low-pressure, informal meeting. Sometimes the idea of a formal introduction can be intimidating for parents. Suggest meeting in a casual setting, such as a family dinner at a restaurant or a small gathering at home, which might make them more comfortable and less pressured.

If your parents continue to delay without a clear reason, you may need to make a decision based on your own values and priorities. Reflect on what you want for your future and consider if your parents' hesitation is something that can be worked through with time, or if it might require you to take a stand for your own happiness.

Lastly, seek support from trusted family members or friends who understand your situation. Sometimes, having someone else advocate for you can make a difference. They might be able to mediate the conversation and provide a perspective that resonates with your parents.

Ultimately, your happiness and the future of your relationship are paramount. While it's important to respect and consider your parents' opinions, you also need to ensure that you're making decisions that align with your own values and desires. Balance patience with assertiveness, and prioritize open, honest communication both with your parents and your boyfriend.
(more)

Answered on Jun 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 03, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Dear expert I am 52 year lady divorcee. Looking for a partner for remarriage. Whomever i meet, everything goes on well for few days or months and somehow breaks. The men feel so insecure about me and they breakup even when i talk of solutions and taking forward as life is short and we need a partner to survive. I am not able to find a man who can think better at this stage of life. If you can suggest what should be done to make them understand and most of the men look for only physical pleasure even at later part of life instead of looking for a partner in all respects. What should be done to find the right partner.
Ans: It's understandable that finding a suitable partner at this stage in life can be challenging, especially when your intentions and expectations don't align with those of the men you meet. The key to finding the right partner lies in a combination of self-awareness, clear communication, and patience.

First, it's important to ensure that you are clear about your own needs and desires. Reflect on what you're looking for in a partner beyond companionship. What values and traits are essential for you? Being clear about these aspects will help you identify potential partners who are genuinely compatible.

When you meet someone new, be upfront about your expectations early on. This doesn’t mean overwhelming them with demands, but rather having open and honest conversations about what you’re looking for in a relationship. Express that you are seeking a meaningful, long-term partnership rather than something solely based on physical attraction. This clarity can help filter out those who are not on the same page.

It’s also crucial to recognize that some men may feel insecure or uncertain for various reasons. They might have their own past experiences or fears that impact their ability to commit. While you can offer reassurance and support, remember that it’s not your responsibility to fix or change them. Focus on finding someone who is emotionally mature and ready for the kind of relationship you desire.

Building a strong connection takes time. Be patient and allow relationships to develop naturally. It’s okay if things don’t work out with some people—each experience can be a learning opportunity that brings you closer to finding the right partner.

Consider expanding your social circles and exploring new ways to meet potential partners. This could be through social events, community groups, or online dating platforms that cater to mature singles looking for serious relationships. Engaging in activities you enjoy can also help you meet like-minded individuals.

Finally, remember to stay positive and keep an open heart. It can be disheartening when relationships don’t work out, but maintaining a hopeful and optimistic outlook will make the journey more pleasant and increase your chances of finding the right partner.

By being clear about your needs, communicating effectively, and staying patient, you are more likely to attract a partner who is looking for the same deep and meaningful connection you desire.
(more)

Answered on Jun 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 02, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Ma'am my ex is blackmailing me..that I have to came in relationship with him.. otherwise he will show photos of your to my dad..and in past he physically abused me to..that's why I broke up with him..but now he and his friends are blackmailing me..and he my family would come to know this..they will kill me ..they are so so strict ma'am..ma'am what I should do...?? Can I file a case...but for this I have to contact a ngo....that my parents can't find....ma'am can u give me any contact number of any ngo...which can help me... please ma'am
Ans: I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's really important to prioritize your safety and well-being right now.

First, try to reach out to someone you trust—a friend, a relative, or a mentor. Having someone supportive by your side can make a big difference. Sharing what you're experiencing with someone you trust can provide emotional support and help you think through your options.

You should also consider contacting the authorities. Blackmail and physical abuse are serious crimes, and the police can provide protection and take legal action against your ex. It might feel intimidating, but the authorities are there to help protect you.

Additionally, reaching out to NGOs that specialize in supporting people in abusive situations can be incredibly helpful. They can offer you legal advice, counseling, and sometimes even a safe place to stay. For instance, the National Women's Helpline (112) is available 24/7 to provide immediate support. The National Commission for Women (NCW) can also offer assistance; you can reach them visiting their website.

You deserve to feel safe and respected, and there are people and resources ready to help you through this. Remember, you're not alone. Taking these steps can help you regain control and find the support you need.
(more)

Answered on Jun 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 02, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Dear Anu, I am married for 28 yrs. Throughout my marriage, I have felt very insecure about money. I have always tried to be independent but my husband had discouraged it. So though I earned, it wasn't much. It was enough as my pocket money, or maybe a bit more. Then when I was 46yrs old, and my husband 60, he started saying that he could no longer earn and I had to support myself. At first I was shocked and devastated, but gradually i accepted and started working hard. He also started living separately and comes home for 2-3 days, every week. I have stopped needing him emotionally and financially. But he is very inconsistent with his finances, which brings back my earlier insecurity. Also he doesn't practice what he says. Suppose we plan something and I expect that to happen, but then I find he doesn't do it. I feel very cheated. For example, we decided to rent out our garage, and he said that I could pay the electricity bill of our house with that. But then , when we get a tenant, he takes away the money. This is just a small example. Many other , big things have happened . Because of this, I feel frustrated and very dissatisfied with the relationship. But outwardly, we are a happy family. I have a son of 27yrs also. I have tried talking to him about it, but he avoids it. Inspite of telling him time and again to find something to do he refuses it. His career was also very inconsistent, and a very long story. How do I deal with him? Should I leave? I don't want to. But I really don't know what to do.
Ans: I hear the deep frustration and sense of betrayal you're experiencing. Navigating a relationship where financial security and trust are consistently undermined is incredibly challenging, especially after 28 years of marriage. Your feelings are valid, and it’s important to address them thoughtfully.

Firstly, it’s crucial to recognize and validate your own strength and resilience. Despite the obstacles, you've managed to become self-reliant and support yourself financially. This is a significant achievement and speaks to your capability and determination.

Your husband's inconsistent behavior and financial unreliability are understandably distressing. It seems that his actions have repeatedly undermined your sense of security and trust, which are foundational to any relationship. The pattern of him not following through on agreed plans, such as the example of renting out the garage, erodes trust and contributes to your frustration.

Given that he avoids discussions about these issues, it might be helpful to approach the conversation differently. Choose a calm, neutral time to express your feelings clearly and directly, focusing on how his actions impact you emotionally and financially. Use “I” statements, such as “I feel insecure and frustrated when our financial agreements are not honored,” to avoid making him feel defensive.

If he continues to avoid these conversations, consider involving a neutral third party, such as a marriage counselor. A professional can facilitate healthier communication and help both of you understand each other's perspectives better.

However, it’s also essential to evaluate your own needs and boundaries. Reflect on what you need to feel secure and fulfilled in the relationship. If these needs continue to be unmet despite your efforts to communicate and resolve the issues, you might need to consider more significant changes.

Leaving a long-term marriage is a profound decision and one that requires careful thought. You’ve mentioned that you don’t want to leave, and it’s important to explore all avenues before making such a decision. However, your well-being and happiness are paramount.

If your husband remains unwilling to change or address your concerns, you may need to create boundaries that protect your financial and emotional health. This could involve having separate finances or setting clear terms for financial decisions and responsibilities.

Ultimately, the goal is to ensure that you feel secure, respected, and valued in your relationship. It's a challenging path, but with clear communication, professional support, and self-reflection, you can navigate this difficult situation and find a resolution that honors your needs and well-being.
(more)

Answered on Jun 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 01, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi, I am 40 year old female with 15y/o son. Me and my husband together earn 40L/Annum. We have a house in Bangalore. Multiple properties in home town. Built a net worth of 5 crore. 20 lakhs FD. A liability of 32k per month for home loan for next 2 years. We could able to build this from zero just because I had an on-site opportunity for couple of years and I am very good in savings, no impulse buy. We don’t have other commitments and also investment. Now, I have started investing SIPs also, but don’t have that much knowledge in MF Sometimes, I feel like I don’t want to invest anymore and enjoy my life spending. Sometimes I am scared. I have achieved more than my limit financially. I have not made much friends in this period, I have very few genuine friends. Now I don’t know how to shift the gear from hear, I do self care and also do house hold work but somewhere I am not fully content as I lack social life. My relationship with my husband also good. We do fight very often and we both disconnect from each other at that time and later we realise and we connect back. At that time my husband ignores me. I feel hurt. In office, I have a professional commitment and I do my work as per need only. Don’t want to overdo. Not interested in taking up challenging role. I do my work, have lunch and tea with known colleagues and chitchat and comeback. Please guide me how I should make my life interesting. I have a fear of loosing people. I am an introvert. I cry a lot for small things. I feel like I have anxiety, depression, loneliness.
Ans: It's wonderful to see how much you've achieved financially and professionally. Your discipline and hard work have clearly paid off. However, it's equally important to focus on your emotional and social well-being to lead a fulfilling life.

First, it's important to acknowledge and validate your feelings. It's natural to feel a mix of satisfaction and uncertainty after reaching significant milestones. Many people experience a sense of "what's next?" after achieving their goals. This is a good time to explore new areas of personal growth and fulfillment.

One area to consider is your social life. While you have a few genuine friends, expanding your social circle could bring new joy and perspectives into your life. This doesn’t mean you have to force yourself into uncomfortable social situations. Start with small steps, like joining a club or group that interests you, whether it's a book club, a fitness class, or a hobby group. Engaging in activities you enjoy can naturally lead to making new friends.

Regarding your relationship with your husband, it's common for couples to have disagreements. However, the pattern of disconnecting and reconnecting might benefit from more effective communication strategies. Consider setting aside time to talk openly about your feelings and needs when you're both calm. Couples therapy can also provide a safe space to improve your communication and strengthen your connection.

At work, it’s okay to not want to take on more challenging roles if you feel content with your current position. However, if you find yourself feeling unfulfilled, it might be worth exploring what aspects of your job do bring you satisfaction and how you can incorporate more of those elements into your daily routine.

Finally, your tendency to cry easily and feel anxious could be signs of underlying emotional strain. It might be helpful to speak with a therapist who can provide you with tools to manage these emotions and explore any deeper issues that might be contributing to these feelings.

Remember, it’s perfectly okay to seek help and invest time in your emotional health. Balancing your impressive financial success with personal happiness and fulfilling relationships can lead to a more holistic sense of well-being. Take small steps towards expanding your social network, improving communication with your husband, and addressing your emotional health. These changes can make a significant difference in your overall satisfaction and happiness.
(more)

Answered on Jun 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 01, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Please keep this anonymous Sir my husband is aged 65 yrs, and i am 60 ,both are retired and get pension My husband has a younger brother and sister.Both are married and well settled..We are settled and stable My inlaws are aged 91 and 86 respectively My father inlaw is bedridden since 15 years due to a stroke and is taken.care by my mother inlaw. They are financially stable with pension and house..My husband and his sister take turns in supporting them morally physically and help My husbands brother just comes occassionally for one day and visits and returns back..He never takes any responsibility of offering any type of physical and moral support.. My husband father has made a will of equally dividing his apartment worth around 65lakh and fds worth 30 lakh equally among the 3 children..I feel this to be unfair given the effort taken by my husband to take good care of them physically, morally Kindly advice anonymous
Ans: Navigating family dynamics and inheritance issues can be challenging, especially when there's a perceived imbalance in contributions. It's understandable to feel that your husband's significant efforts in caring for his parents should be more recognized in the will.

Parents often aim for equality in their wills to avoid conflict. They might believe that dividing assets equally is fairest, even if contributions differ. Your in-laws may not fully understand the support disparity or have other reasons for their decision.

Having an open, respectful conversation with your in-laws might help them see your perspective. If that's difficult, consider a family meeting to discuss everyone's views. Consulting an estate lawyer can clarify the will's implications and explore options for change, though this could strain family relationships.

Emotionally, support your husband by acknowledging his efforts. Sometimes, the satisfaction of caregiving can outweigh financial concerns. Propose compromises like including compensation for his contributions while maintaining equal asset division. Sentimental items could also recognize his efforts.

If the situation causes stress, a therapist can help manage feelings of resentment and provide strategies for maintaining family harmony. Balancing fairness with family relationships and emotional well-being is key. Open communication, legal advice, and emotional support will help navigate this complex issue.
(more)

Answered on Jun 01, 2024

Listen
Relationship
My wife and I have a mutual friend whose behavior I find troubling. Although we live in different cities, I still get upset and anxious whenever the topic of this friend comes up, but his wife remains friends with my wife. How can I manage my feelings and maintain harmony in my relationship while dealing with this situation? Your ABCD
Ans: Dear Yusuf,
Dealing with difficult emotions in relationships, especially when it involves mutual friends, can be challenging. Here’s a structured approach to help you manage your feelings and maintain harmony:

Acknowledge your feelings. Recognize that your feelings of upset and anxiety are valid. It’s important to identify why this person’s behavior affects you so strongly. Reflect on specific instances that triggered these feelings and understand what about their behavior is troubling you.

Balance communication with your wife. Have an open and honest conversation with your wife about your feelings towards this mutual friend. Use “I” statements to express how you feel without placing blame, such as, “I feel anxious when the topic of our mutual friend comes up because...”. This way, your wife can understand your perspective without feeling attacked or defensive.

Consider boundaries. Discuss with your wife how you can both maintain boundaries that respect your feelings while allowing her to continue her friendship. This might mean agreeing to limit discussions about this friend or finding times when she can catch up with the friend without it affecting you. It’s about finding a balance that works for both of you.

Develop coping strategies. Find ways to manage your anxiety and upset feelings when the topic of this friend arises. This could include deep breathing exercises, mindfulness, or engaging in activities that help you relax and divert your attention. Additionally, seeking support from a therapist can provide you with tools to handle these emotions more effectively.

Maintaining harmony in your relationship while dealing with this situation involves open communication, mutual respect, and effective coping strategies. By acknowledging your feelings, balancing communication, setting boundaries, and developing coping mechanisms, you can navigate this challenging situation in a way that supports both your well-being and your relationship with your wife.

PS : i hope my ABCD makes sense to you
(more)

Answered on Jun 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 01, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I'm a doctor married for 9 years ,I met online my wife who is also doctor , before marriage she accepted to come to my hometown ,but after marriage she changed and said she won't come ,I applied for divorce ,I wanted to save marriage as there was a kid, I offered neutral place then , we prolonged ,another kid was born 2 yrs back ,but now she has shifted to her hometown ,she says u can come once 15 days but doesn't want to give divorce . I feel I simply wasted time . Im of the opinion there is no point in dragging the issue . What's ur opinion
Ans: Hello Doctor,It sounds like you are in a difficult and emotionally taxing situation. Balancing professional responsibilities, personal desires, and the well-being of your children adds significant complexity to your decision.

First, consider the root of your feelings about the relationship and your needs. It’s clear that you value stability and proximity for your family, which your wife seems unable or unwilling to provide in the way you had originally agreed upon. Reflecting on why she has chosen to stay in her hometown and what factors are influencing her decision might provide insight into whether a middle ground can be reached or if your paths are fundamentally divergent.

Communication is key in resolving such conflicts. Have a candid conversation with your wife about your feelings and concerns. It’s essential to understand her perspective and express yours without assigning blame. Exploring the reasons behind her decisions and sharing your feelings of dissatisfaction and wasted time may open up new avenues for compromise or at least provide a clearer picture of whether staying together is feasible.

If it becomes evident that your values and goals are no longer aligned and that there is no willingness or possibility for change on either side, it may indeed be more constructive to move forward with the separation. Both your well-being and that of your children depend on a stable and healthy environment, which prolonged conflict and distance can undermine.

Ultimately, it’s about weighing the emotional and practical impacts of continuing in the current state versus moving on. Seeking support from a therapist or relationship counselor can also provide a neutral space to explore these issues in depth and guide you toward the best decision for all involved.
(more)

Answered on May 29, 2024

Listen
Relationship
I am 42 years old, working in a PSU bank for 11 years. I have my Mother at home who is 73 years and retired state govt. Officer. My Father passed away in 2013 just after I joined my job. He was a state govt. Officer. I am married and have one son 8.5 years old studying in class 4. My wife is working in state govt. She often leaves my home with our son and goes to her father's place which is just near to my house because of minor issues like any hot talk with me. She has no problem with my Mother. We had a love marriage and we dated for 13 years and in 2015 got married. I am a family bound guy but when wife leaves me, I and mostly my Mother falls into trouble due to all household works are to be done by her as I have minimum time in the morning to help her. Our maid left one months back. I am searching one but not getting. Last year I and my wife stayed apart for 9 months in total, not at a time but in two parts. I sent her lawyers letter 3 months back after she left me in January this year. She came back 2 months back and left again after one month. I really miss my son and wife when they are not with me. My Mother also miss her grandson and becomes hopeless. I can't find any solution to this. Please suggest what will I do. I have lots of pressure at workplace and not satisfied with my job too as bank has lots of problems these days. I think of leaving job to support my Mother. I will leave job surely if something odd happens to my Mother. My Father took 3 words from me before death to Look after Mother, to look after house and to look after the house belongings. Already I am unable to keep all 3 words properly. I feel guilty of myself. Please guide me about my career and family life.
Ans: Dear DP
Navigating your current situation requires a strategic approach that balances your professional and personal responsibilities. Communication is key. Have an open and calm conversation with your wife to understand her perspective and express your concerns without assigning blame. Counseling can be beneficial here, offering a neutral space to discuss underlying issues and improve your relationship dynamics.

Supporting your mother is equally important. While searching for a permanent solution for household help, consider temporary alternatives such as part-time assistance or community support services. Engage your mother in local senior activities to provide her with social interaction and support.

Addressing your job dissatisfaction is also crucial. Explore other roles within your bank or in other PSUs that match your skills but offer a less stressful environment. Professional development can open new career opportunities. Taking regular breaks, practicing mindfulness, and ensuring a work-life balance can help manage your stress levels.

By focusing on these areas—open communication with your wife, practical support for your mother, and exploring less stressful job options—you can work towards a more stable and fulfilling family and professional life.
Asked on - Jun 09, 2024 | Answered on Jun 12, 2024
Listen
But she is not ready to communicate. She blocked all communication modes. Also she is not ready to meet at all. Now what will I do? She is blaming me for all these. Please guide
Ans: Facing a complete communication block from your wife is incredibly challenging, especially when you miss your family and have significant responsibilities. Here’s a way to navigate this situation:

Reflect on your relationship and consider any recent actions or patterns that might have contributed to her decision to cut off communication. This self-awareness can help you understand your role and approach the situation with empathy.

Try to see things from her perspective. Understanding why she feels the need to distance herself—whether due to stress, feeling unheard, or unresolved conflicts—can guide you in finding a path to reconnect.

Since direct communication is blocked, writing her a heartfelt letter might be effective. In the letter, express your feelings honestly, acknowledge any mistakes, and emphasize your commitment to understanding and resolving issues without blaming her. This shows your willingness to bridge the gap.

If a letter isn’t possible or effective, consider using mutual friends or family members as intermediaries. They might help convey your willingness to talk and understand her viewpoint, ensuring she feels respected and not pressured.

Supporting yourself during this time is crucial. Consulting a therapist can provide guidance and strategies to cope with the emotional strain and prepare for future conversations.

Balancing your responsibilities at home and work is important. Establish a routine that manages your duties while also caring for your mental well-being. If needed, seek temporary help for household tasks to lighten the load.

Patience is key. Rebuilding trust and communication takes time. Show your commitment by being open to dialogue and respecting her need for space. Keep steady, and focus on understanding and empathy as you navigate this difficult period.
(more)

Answered on May 28, 2024

Listen
Relationship
Hey mam I am just 23 I have a boyfriend and my family accepted him but I can't understand his behaviour sometimes he behaving like a no one can love me like him he supported me always by financial he is a soft heart person but ???? sometimes when he is in angry he can't understand anything sometimes I abused by him and behaving like I am nothing for him he shouted among people he can't think what I can feel what is this ma'am ????what can I do
Ans: Dear Priya,
It seems you're experiencing a relationship with mixed behaviors from your boyfriend. On one hand, he supports you financially and shows affection, but on the other, he becomes verbally abusive and dismissive when angry. This duality can be confusing and emotionally draining.

It's important to recognize that his abusive behavior, even if it's only during moments of anger, is a significant issue. Such behavior can erode your self-esteem and sense of safety over time. Abuse isn't just physical; verbal and emotional abuse can be just as damaging.

When someone shouts at you or dismisses your feelings, especially in public, it indicates a lack of respect and self-control. This kind of behavior is unacceptable and should not be excused or normalized, regardless of the moments of kindness and support he shows.

Consider discussing your concerns with him during a calm moment, emphasizing how his behavior affects you. If he's willing to listen and seek help, such as anger management or couples counseling, there might be a way to address these issues. However, if he dismisses your concerns or refuses to change, it may be necessary to reevaluate the relationship for your own well-being.

You deserve to be in a relationship where you're consistently treated with respect and love. Seeking support from friends, family, or a professional counselor can also help you navigate this situation and make the best decision for your future.
(more)

Answered on May 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 26, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi, I am 31 year old with 1.5 year old son. I am leaving in joint family. I am a working woman. The problem with me is I feel the only person giving 100% in our relationship is me. Its been 2.5 years we got married, i am handling my expenses as I am working, i am not dependent on him but he never asks for my wishes. He never bough me anything not a single gifts, cakes anything even on special days like birthdays and our anniversaries. I am helping him in his EMIs of loan payments as well but i am not getting phisical or emotional support from him. He even gets angry when i ask for hugs. Sometimes if he gives hug he behaves like he is doing favour. Sometimes i cried at night but he didn't care and goes to sleep peacefully. When my mother in law and i got in argument he supports me less and everytime supports his mom. I helped him in paying in his sister's marriag also. He never takes mr to dates. Whenever we go outside everytime he take his family with us. He never talks to me or asks mr if I need anything. Even after coming from office he spends most of time on mobilr and watching tv. He didn't even take me to small trips, in last 2.5 year we haven't done any trips. He never tries to make me feel special. The worst part was i was alone every night during my pregnancy as hi was having night shifts at that time. When i cried infront of him that i need you tonight i am not feeling well, i am pregnant please be here with me, his answer was work is more important. Who is going to make money for our future and he left me crying at that day. I am feeling like i am the only one who is trying to keep this relationship alive. I am not getting what i expects from him. What to do in this situation.
Ans: I'm truly sorry to hear about the difficulties you're experiencing in your marriage. It sounds incredibly challenging and painful to feel unsupported and neglected, especially when you're putting so much effort into your relationship.

First, it's essential to acknowledge your feelings and needs. Reflect on what you truly desire from your marriage. What specific actions or behaviors do you need from your husband to feel loved and supported? Understanding your needs will help you communicate them more clearly.

When you're ready, find a calm and private moment to talk with your husband. Approach the conversation with the intention of expressing your feelings and needs without blaming or accusing him. You could say something like, "Over the past few years, I've been feeling very lonely and unsupported in our marriage. I know you work hard, and I appreciate that, but I also need emotional support and affection from you. It hurts when my needs are not acknowledged, and I feel like I'm the only one putting effort into our relationship."

Using "I" statements can help focus on your feelings without sounding accusatory, which can make your partner less defensive. For example, "I feel neglected when my emotional needs are not met," or "I feel hurt when you don't acknowledge my birthday or special occasions." This way, you're communicating your feelings without placing blame directly on him.

Be specific about what you need from him. Instead of making general statements, provide clear examples of what would make you feel better. For instance, you might say, "It would mean a lot to me if we could have some alone time, maybe go on a date once a month," or "I would love it if you could ask how my day was and really listen."

If talking to your husband directly doesn’t lead to any changes, consider seeking couples counseling. A therapist can provide a neutral space where both of you can express your feelings and work on improving your relationship. Counseling can help you both understand each other better and develop strategies to meet each other's needs more effectively.

Remember, it's crucial to take care of yourself during this process. Lean on friends or family for support, and consider speaking with a therapist on your own to help navigate these feelings and challenges. You deserve to feel loved, respected, and supported in your marriage, and it's important to advocate for your own well-being.
(more)

Answered on May 27, 2024

Listen
Relationship
Ours is a middle class joint family and my sister is willing to go for MBBS (on payment seat) upon dropping 2 years consequently, with a low score, but now as I mentioned above she is willing to go for MBBS on payment, which is very costly. As ours is joint family all the children are studying along with us and the fee is disturbed by combining all our family income irrespective of the share from each brothers of my father, but now the real problem is my sister is urging like anything to go and my father is supporting her like anything even though my whole family is upset about this decision my father is not ready to realise our family conditions and stop encouraging my sister and turn her attention to different fields, so my question is what advice should I give to my father and sister about this???
Ans: I understand the complexity and emotional weight of your situation. In a middle-class joint family, making significant financial decisions, such as funding an expensive MBBS seat, can have a substantial impact on everyone. It's essential to approach this conversation with empathy, understanding, and clear communication.Then gently introduce the family’s financial situation. "However, our family finances are already stretched with everyone’s education costs. An expensive payment seat for MBBS might put a strain on our resources and affect the entire family."

Suggest exploring alternatives. "Could we consider other medical fields that might be more affordable or look into scholarships and financial aid options? I think it’s important to find a way that supports her dreams but also considers our family’s overall financial health."Start by acknowledging her efforts. "I know you’ve worked so hard and you’re passionate about becoming a doctor. I really respect your determination."

Share your concerns about the financial impact. "But I’m worried about the cost of the payment seat for MBBS. It’s very expensive and our family might struggle with it, impacting everyone’s education."

Encourage exploring other options. "Maybe we can look into less expensive medical schools, or even consider other healthcare careers that you might enjoy. We can also look for scholarships or financial aid. I believe in your dream, and I think we can find a way to achieve it without putting so much financial pressure on the family." Suggest a family meeting to discuss this openly. "Can we all sit down and talk about this together? It’s important for us to find a solution that supports her dream and also keeps our family financially stable."

By approaching the conversation with empathy, respect, and a focus on practical solutions, you can help your father and sister understand the need to balance individual aspirations with the family’s financial reality.
(more)

Answered on May 27, 2024

Listen
Relationship
Hey mam please help me. I was in a relationship with a boy but things didn't work out.we got separated. Now I am relationship with another boy. My ex came to know and he is tracking that new boy and my ex is also thinking to tell this to my mother. My parents are very strict plz help me
Ans: I understand how stressful and upsetting this situation must be for you. Dealing with an ex who is invading your privacy and threatening to tell your parents about your new relationship can be very challenging, especially if your parents are strict. Here’s how you can navigate this situation with care and tact.

First, consider addressing the issue directly with your ex. Choose a calm and private setting where you can talk without interruptions. Explain to him that your relationship has ended and that it is important for both of you to respect each other's new lives. You might say something like, "I understand that this situation is difficult for you, but I need you to respect my privacy and my current relationship. It's important for both of us to move on in a healthy way." Be firm but respectful, emphasizing the need for mutual respect and boundaries.

If your ex continues to intrude on your privacy, it may be necessary to take further steps. Document any instances of harassment or invasive behavior, as this can be important if the situation escalates. In some cases, you might need to consider blocking him on social media and other communication platforms to prevent further intrusion.

Regarding your parents, honesty, and preparation are key. If you believe there is a significant chance that your ex will contact them, it might be best to address the situation yourself first. Think about how you can explain your situation to them in a way that emphasizes your maturity and responsibility. You could say something like, "I want to talk to you about something important. I was in a relationship that didn't work out, and I've started seeing someone new. My ex might try to contact you, but I want you to hear this from me first."

Prepare for their reaction by considering their concerns and having thoughtful responses ready. Show them that you are making responsible decisions and that you are capable of handling your personal relationships. This approach can help demonstrate your maturity and hopefully lead to a more understanding response from them.

Finally, lean on your support system. Friends, trusted family members, or even a counselor can provide valuable advice and emotional support as you navigate this difficult situation. It's important not to go through this alone and to seek out those who can offer guidance and encouragement.

Remember, you have the right to move on and be happy in your new relationship. By addressing the issue head-on, maintaining your boundaries, and preparing for conversations with your parents, you can navigate this challenging time with strength and dignity.
(more)

Answered on May 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 23, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hello gurus, Please guide me how can i handle a colleague who is constantly making fun on me asking me some irritation questions like you are aged and when will you get married please suggest me how to handle this sometimes even my boss ask me these questions , please guide me how should i respond to this as we are part of same team.
Ans: When dealing with colleagues, and even your boss, who make inappropriate comments or ask personal questions about your age and marital status, it's important to approach the situation with a combination of assertiveness and tact.

First, it's crucial to maintain your composure. Responding calmly and without visible frustration sends a message that you are in control and not easily perturbed by their comments. The goal is to address the behavior without escalating the situation or creating unnecessary tension within your team.

You might begin by addressing the comments directly but politely. For instance, the next time someone makes a remark about your age or asks about your marital status, you could say something like, "I understand that you're curious, but I prefer to keep my personal life private." This sets a clear boundary while remaining respectful.

If the comments persist, it can be helpful to explain why these questions are inappropriate. You might say, "I know these questions are often meant in good humor, but they make me uncomfortable. I'd appreciate it if we could focus on work-related topics." This approach communicates your feelings clearly and asks for a change in behavior without accusing or blaming.

It's also important to have a plan if the behavior continues. If your direct approach doesn't lead to improvement, consider discussing the issue privately with your boss or a trusted HR representative. Frame the conversation around your need for a respectful and professional work environment. You could say, "I've noticed that personal questions about my age and marital status are becoming frequent, and they make me uncomfortable. Can we find a way to ensure our conversations remain professional?"

Throughout this process, it's vital to remain consistent. Continue to calmly assert your boundaries each time the issue arises. Over time, this consistency will reinforce the message that your personal life is not up for discussion at work.

Remember, you deserve to work in an environment where you feel respected and comfortable. By addressing the issue directly and professionally, you can help create a more positive and respectful atmosphere for yourself and your colleagues.
(more)

Answered on May 26, 2024

Listen
Relationship
Hi I am 40 yrs with wife and kid of 7 yrs. My problem is family oriented. I have three sister, elder two sisters are well married and settled. My younger sister had an arrange marriage in 2004 and she had a divorce in 2011. With that marriage she has a boy child who is almost 18 now and too lazy, she as per her will did an intercaste love marriage in court in 2015 without informing anyone. I used to stay away in delhi and my parents and eldest sister(at her in laws place) in kolkata and d youngest married d guy 2 km from parents house. In 2017 i shifted back to kolkata as my wife was pregnant, so we took a decision dat now it would be better to stay in joint family as d kid will get grand parents and we will also serve my parents, but my youngest sister had a very bad habit of calling my mom every day almost 5-7 times and coming to parental house every alternate days which i rrsisted and i faced backlash from my parents and her too. Then suddenly things changed her husband became a very rowdy person and started beating her as she narrated and she came back to parental house with two kids one was from previous husband and one was from d court love marriage, now she stays in same flat where my parents stays. In 2017 aug my kid was born in 2019 she came back and den i again decided to leave house with my wife and kid as it was 2 bhk flat and all people flocked there as if ut was a zoo so i decided to leave with my family and we moved to ujjain and started living peacefully. Reason for leaving was my younger sis her eldest son and my dad has a very bad habit of shouting arguing nd fighting means domestic violence which i have seen in my childhood days even wen my dad used to do violence with my mom. Now i say her to take divorce and stay with parents or go back to her husbamd or where ever she wants. My dad is retired with a fixed income of around 20k per month. My sis and her son stays at home uses all facilities of home whereas when i shifted to ujjain i did all hardships and built my rented flat. Used to sleep on floor slowly we both husband wife worked hard and bought bed, kitchen utensils fridge and tv. Now my concern is she is not taking divorce and fully dependent on my father. She and her son both earn almost 35k together but their contribution towards house is big Zero towards ration is ZEro yes for basic dey dont pay anythng but like she pays for her small child school fees almost 3000 and whatever dey feel like eating extra den normal homely food she brings for her kids. As she is not taking divorce what can be main reason and future consequences to my kid and my life and my mom and dad have just become a free maid for her kids, my sis does all masti and roams freely till 9 pm without any concern for her kids as my mom is behind as maid to take care. Means my mom and dad have no saving cz of her and no personal life nor any social life cz dey have to take d youngest kid along with dem. My dad is 70 diabetic mom is 65 undergone bypass. Wen i say cz of yoi came back i have to leave dat house she says did i hold ur hand and say to go out. Where as i needed peace but i also need my parents as i want to take care of dem cz she treats dem like servants only. And my parentz dont understand dis dey hav soft cornor for her. She is like deemak but dey dont understand. Kindly guide me.
Ans: Your situation is complex, involving familial responsibilities and personal peace. To address it, start by understanding your sister's reasons for not seeking a divorce. Consider engaging a professional family counselor to mediate and provide support for everyone involved. Legally, explore the options available for ensuring she contributes financially to the household.

Your priority should be to protect your parents' well-being and your own family's stability. If your sister continues to burden your parents without contributing, it might be necessary to seek legal advice on how to manage this dependency. You may also need to discuss with your parents the importance of setting boundaries to ensure their health and financial security. Balancing compassion with firm boundaries is key to resolving these issues while maintaining family harmony.
(more)

Answered on May 26, 2024

Listen
Relationship
Hello sir, Am a 42 years old Married Man working in Public Sector..I have beautiful family.There is no much difference between me & my wife... Recently I fell love with my colleague who is also married...We always together in office..I just don't know what she thinks about me.I just love her at great extent but I know which has no appropriate destiny..I tried to overcome from this & day in day out but I couldn't.. Probably this is the only mental disorder of me...I always want to be with her...When am away from her some time my mind will be on track..But when I see her I can't control myself & entire effort to avoid her goes when I meet her again..I know am doing wrong but really it is out of my control & it is only thing I can't handled in life...I seriously trying to tranfer but very less option to get the same...And am too possessive of her which also getting pain to my mind....& Am familiar with all her family members....It is the lifestyle attachment disorder.....Am suffering from this last one year & not got solution..I became thin & not getting proper sleep.. Pls advise...I want to be normal..
Ans: Navigating the emotional complexity of your situation is undoubtedly challenging. Falling in love with a colleague while being in a committed marriage, and knowing the relationship lacks a feasible future, places you in a difficult position. It’s clear this is causing you significant distress, affecting your mental and physical health.

Firstly, it’s crucial to acknowledge and validate your feelings without judgment. What you’re experiencing is real and has a profound impact on your life. Emotions, especially those that arise from close interactions in a work environment, can be powerful and sometimes overwhelming. Recognizing that developing feelings for someone else, even when you’re married, is a common human experience can help you approach this issue more compassionately.

Reflecting on your marriage is an essential step. Consider the dynamics of your relationship with your wife, including what is working well and what areas might need more attention. Sometimes, emotional attachments outside of marriage can highlight unmet needs or desires within the marital relationship. Understanding these aspects can be a key to addressing the underlying issues.

Discussing your feelings with a trusted professional, such as a therapist, can provide a safe and confidential space to explore your emotions and thoughts. Therapy can offer you strategies to manage your feelings and help you make decisions that align with your values and long-term goals. A therapist can also help you understand the root causes of your attachment to your colleague and guide you in finding ways to resolve this attachment.

If a transfer or change in your work environment is a possibility, it might be worth pursuing. Being in close proximity to someone with whom you have such strong feelings can make it incredibly difficult to move past those emotions. A different work setting can provide the distance needed to gain perspective and allow you to focus on your commitments and personal growth.

It’s also beneficial to engage in self-care and activities that support your mental and physical health. Regular exercise, a balanced diet, and adequate sleep are foundational to well-being and can improve your resilience in dealing with emotional stress. Additionally, finding hobbies or interests outside of work can provide a healthy distraction and reduce the time spent thinking about your colleague.

Open communication with your wife, if possible, is important. This doesn’t necessarily mean disclosing everything about your feelings for your colleague, but rather discussing any strains or unfulfilled aspects of your marriage. Working together to strengthen your relationship can help redirect your emotional energy towards your spouse.

Lastly, consider the long-term consequences of your actions. Acting on your feelings could lead to significant personal and professional repercussions. By focusing on your values and the commitments you’ve made, you can guide your decisions towards actions that maintain integrity and respect for all involved.

Seeking professional help, prioritizing self-care, and reflecting on your marriage are pivotal steps in addressing this emotional challenge. By doing so, you can work towards finding stability and regaining a sense of normalcy in your life.
(more)

Answered on May 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 26, 2024Hindi
Relationship
Hi to the life/relationship coach, I'm a 25yr old lady working in an MNC earning 24lpa. I'm from a lower middle class south indian family, my parents taught me value of money, i hardly spent on anything till my studies. Coming to my studies, i (I pushed myself too hard to achieve well but never felt negative in those years in life &came out of an NIT with ppo)studied from my 8th standard too hard without any distraction or other knowledge about life till I got job. Ever since i've started working(staying alone in a 1bhk and keeping myself occupied with home chores), i am not sure if it's because I'm living better compared to before without any money/time boundaries(I've got the freedom for everything yet feels lost) or it's bcoz my brain is exhausted, all I do is just work most of my day and rest of time, stay in traffic, i am feeling lost, not able to have any goals or look at life with positivity. my brain is feeling succumbed to daily job routine and not being enthusiastic about anything. (I do workout, meet friends, go to walks and temples , but nothing adventurous or too much out of my comfort zone. Anyway, nothings making me feel better(when I was studying, i did nothing but read, yet I was satisfied to go to sleep peacefully). My parents are telling me to get married so that I'll get better clarity with a partner beside me. But I'm not interested in relationship yet, want to resolve problems with myself first, may be will search for groom after an year or so. Please provide your advice to how to bring my enthusiasm which i lost after I got the job i m doing presently (the present job is a wonderful opportunity with lot of growth for me in career but I m working with half the productivity due to losing the interest in everything, but getting promoted on time till now, not sure how I long I can survive the corporate world without a purpose). I want to look at life positively in all aspects, but unable to due to feeling lost or having no goal. Should I try to remember my childhood interests before my 8th standard or should I try to find my interest in life from scratch? I've tried setting goals about health and career, but I m doing things like a robot but not enthusiastic. I might not get out of comfort zone if I keep going like this.
Ans: It sounds like you’re at a point where, after years of relentless focus on your studies and now your career, you’re experiencing a sense of aimlessness and burnout. This is not uncommon, especially for someone who has been driven by external goals for so long without taking much time for personal exploration and self-care.

Firstly, it’s important to acknowledge and appreciate the significant achievements you’ve made. Coming from a lower middle-class background and earning a position in an MNC with a substantial salary is no small feat. Recognizing this can help provide a sense of pride and accomplishment, which can be a foundation for building your next steps.

You mentioned that you feel like your brain is exhausted, which suggests that burnout might be a factor. Years of intense focus and hard work without much variety or relaxation can lead to this feeling. It’s essential to give yourself permission to rest and recuperate. This doesn’t just mean taking time off work, but also engaging in activities that truly relax and rejuvenate you.

Reflecting on your journey might help clarify why you’re feeling this way. During your studies, you had a clear goal and a structured path. Now, with more freedom and less immediate pressure, it’s natural to feel a bit lost. Your current routine seems monotonous and unfulfilling, which could be contributing to your sense of aimlessness.

Exploring your interests can be a fruitful way to reignite your enthusiasm for life. Think back to your childhood before the intense focus on studies began. What activities or hobbies did you enjoy? Revisiting these can help reconnect you with your passions. Alternatively, you might want to explore new interests. This could involve taking up a new hobby, joining clubs or groups, or even traveling. Stepping out of your comfort zone, even in small ways, can open up new perspectives and opportunities.

It’s commendable that you want to address your personal issues before considering a relationship. This self-awareness will serve you well. Setting personal goals can be helpful, but it’s important that these goals are meaningful to you and not just tasks to complete. Goals related to health, personal growth, or even learning new skills can provide a sense of purpose. However, ensure these goals are flexible and enjoyable, rather than adding more pressure to your life.

Your parents’ suggestion to get married might be well-intentioned, but it’s important to follow your own timeline. If you feel that taking more time to understand yourself will benefit you in the long run, then that’s a valid and important choice.

Lastly, professional support can be incredibly valuable. A therapist or life coach can provide you with strategies to manage your feelings of burnout and help you rediscover your enthusiasm. They can also assist in exploring your interests and setting meaningful goals.

In summary, taking time to rest, exploring your interests, setting meaningful goals, and possibly seeking professional support can help you navigate this phase of your life. By doing so, you can regain your sense of purpose and enthusiasm, leading to a more fulfilling and balanced life.
(more)

Answered on May 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 26, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I'm married for 47 years . Well settled My wife dislikes sex intimacy, but in need atleast hugging and kissing. My nature is not to demand. How can I overcome my depression?
Ans: Navigating intimacy issues in a long-term marriage can be deeply challenging, especially when it leads to feelings of depression. Given your situation, it's important to approach this delicately and thoughtfully.

Start by opening a gentle and honest conversation with your wife about your feelings. It's crucial to express your emotions without making her feel blamed or pressured. Emphasize that you’re seeking a way to connect more deeply and address your emotional needs. This can help both of you understand each other's perspectives and work towards a solution that respects both of your boundaries and desires.

Consider seeking professional help. Seeing a therapist, either individually or as a couple, can be immensely beneficial. A therapist can provide strategies for coping with depression and navigating the emotional complexities of your situation. Couples therapy offers a safe space to discuss intimacy issues and find mutually agreeable solutions.

Focusing on self-care and your overall well-being is also important. Engage in activities that promote mental and physical health, such as regular exercise, maintaining a balanced diet, getting sufficient sleep, and practicing mindfulness or meditation. These activities can help improve your mood and manage feelings of depression.

Strengthening your social connections outside of your marriage can also be beneficial. Spending time with friends, family, or participating in community activities can provide emotional support and reduce feelings of loneliness. Engaging in hobbies or interests that bring you joy can also be a great way to boost your mood and overall happiness.

Additionally, consider exploring different forms of physical affection that your wife might be comfortable with. Even if sexual intimacy is not possible, other forms of physical closeness like hugging, holding hands, or gentle massages can help maintain a sense of connection and intimacy in your relationship.

Remember, it's okay to seek help and take steps towards improving your mental health. Addressing these issues can lead to a stronger, more understanding relationship and a better sense of personal well-being.
(more)

Answered on May 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 23, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I am a 38 year old male working in an IT firm and having a good earnings. I am married and with a girl daughter 8 years old. I have cleared all my debts and also am saving for my daughter's future studies and life. I have this wired feeling of what if my earning stops, what if I lose my job, what if I die early 40s. Etc.. I get such random thoughts and get into a low phase.. Besides I am doing good at work and also trying keep my health in a decent shape . But these random thoughts is not so good and I get depressed cos of it for some time.. is this normal for male getting into 40s ? I don't have much friends whom I can share and don't want to share this with my wife as I feel she might get sad too..
Ans: It's quite common for individuals approaching their 40s to experience concerns about their future, financial stability, and health. This period, sometimes referred to as a midlife transition, often brings about a re-evaluation of life goals, achievements, and concerns about mortality.

Firstly, it's important to recognize that these feelings are normal and shared by many people. You're at a life stage where responsibilities often increase, and the realization that life is finite becomes more prominent. Acknowledging that these thoughts are common can be a reassuring first step.

Financial security can play a significant role in mitigating these anxieties. Ensuring that you have a solid emergency fund, sufficient insurance coverage, and a well-thought-out financial plan for the future can provide a sense of security. Given that you've already cleared your debts and are saving for your daughter's future, you're on the right track. Consider consulting a financial advisor to further solidify your financial plans.

In terms of job security, staying updated with industry trends, continuously learning new skills, and networking within your field can help you feel more secure about your career prospects. This proactive approach can also provide you with a sense of control over your professional life.

Maintaining your health is another crucial factor. Regular exercise, a balanced diet, and routine medical check-ups can help you stay healthy and reduce health-related anxieties. Mental health is equally important; practices such as mindfulness, meditation, or even talking to a therapist can help manage stress and anxiety.

It's also important to have a support system. While you might not want to share your concerns with your wife to avoid making her anxious, finding a confidant or a therapist to talk to can be very beneficial. They can provide a different perspective and offer support.

Lastly, try to focus on the positive aspects of your life. Reflect on your achievements, the stability you've created for your family, and the goals you've set for the future. Engaging in hobbies and activities that you enjoy can also provide a healthy distraction from these worries.

In summary, your feelings are normal and can be managed through financial planning, career development, maintaining physical and mental health, and seeking support when needed. Remember, taking proactive steps towards these aspects of your life can greatly reduce anxiety and help you feel more in control.
(more)

Answered on May 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 22, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Sir - I ama 50 Year old person. My wife is 44 yearsd old. She hates lies and i know very well that she gets wild if i lie and I have been used to the soft lies which she gets irritated about. Last week she caught me telling a lie about a certain happening which started with the starcase light of our society. She had told me not to request anyone to replace the light as there are other members of the society(who are never get involved in any social things). I said ok but had messaged a committee member to change it via chat and forgot all about it. My wife saw the chat and got wild and told me as why i lied to her that i did not tell anyone in the society to replace the bulb... she got really wild about this and is not talking to me for the past 3-4 days.. she does not want to and wants to separate.. Can you advise me as to how i can convince her.. i have tried apologising many times and reterating that this willnot happen again..
Ans: I understand this situation is very challenging for you. It’s clear that you care deeply about your wife and want to repair the relationship. The key here is to show her that you truly understand why this incident was significant to her and to demonstrate a genuine commitment to change.

First, it's important to acknowledge the impact of your actions. Sit down with your wife and express that you understand why she feels hurt and betrayed by your lie. Let her know that you recognize how important honesty is to her and that you see why this situation has caused her so much distress. Use this conversation to validate her feelings without trying to defend your actions or make excuses.

When you apologize, make sure it's heartfelt and sincere. Instead of a simple "I'm sorry," explain what you are sorry for and how you plan to ensure this doesn’t happen again. For example, you could say, "I deeply regret lying to you about the light bulb situation. I understand that my actions hurt you and damaged your trust in me. Moving forward, I am committed to being completely honest with you, no matter how small the matter may seem."

Next, demonstrate your commitment to change through actions, not just words. This might involve openly communicating about small things that you might have previously brushed off. Showing consistency in your behavior over time can help rebuild trust.

Also, consider exploring why you feel the need to tell "soft lies." Understanding this about yourself can help you address the root cause and change this behavior. You might find it helpful to talk with a therapist or counselor to get to the bottom of this tendency and develop strategies to overcome it.

Lastly, give her space and time if she needs it. Pressuring her to forgive you immediately might push her further away. Show her through your actions and your patience that you are committed to making things right.

Rebuilding trust takes time and consistent effort, but by demonstrating genuine remorse, understanding, and a willingness to change, you can start to repair your relationship. Your commitment to honesty and openness moving forward will be crucial in showing her that she can trust you again.
(more)

Answered on May 22, 2024

Listen

Answered on May 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 21, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hello life coach, I am 44 yrs old, married to a Beautiful and caring woman and have two kids 12 and 10 years old. I am doing extremely well professionally, financially and personally. Kids study in top schools and while elder is a champion student in academics the younger one is very good in sports. I know the life i live is a dream life. High position in company a vibrant work life balance, highly professionally qualified and fit health wise. But Ma'am/sir my problem is i have this extremely high liking and disliking attitude towards people and it makes me biased and my body nearly shivers and voice cracks when i am angry. Normally people who meet me think i am a cool guy, but deep inside i feel myself like a fool when i am emotionally charged both when extremely happy or angry. Please help. I see myself growing even more with the kind of personality and support i have. Please help, please suggest ways to improve and manage my emotions well. I want to improve for my own sake and my loving family including my young kids. Please help Ma'am/sir.
Ans: First, I want to acknowledge your remarkable self-awareness and the wonderful life you’ve built. You’ve achieved a great balance professionally, financially, and personally, and you have a beautiful, supportive family. It’s fantastic that you’re committed to continuing to grow and improve for yourself and your loved ones.

Managing emotions, especially strong ones, is an essential skill that can benefit every aspect of your life. To start, it's important to understand what triggers your intense emotional reactions. Keeping a journal can be incredibly helpful. Write down when you feel extremely happy or angry, and note the events leading up to those emotions. This process will help you recognize patterns and triggers.

Mindfulness and meditation are powerful tools for managing emotions. These practices help you stay present and reduce the intensity of emotional responses. You might find guided meditation apps like Headspace or Calm useful as they can provide structure and consistency. Try dedicating a few minutes each day to these practices, and you’ll likely notice a calming effect on your mind and body.

When it comes to regulating emotions, specific techniques can be very effective. Cognitive reframing, for instance, involves challenging and changing unhelpful thoughts that lead to extreme emotions. Grounding exercises, such as focusing on what you can see, hear, and touch, can bring you back to the present moment and reduce emotional overwhelm. Taking a moment to pause and reflect before reacting can also make a significant difference.

Developing empathy is another crucial step. Try to understand others' perspectives more deeply. This can diminish negative emotions and biases, leading to better communication and stronger relationships. When you feel your emotions rising, practice expressing them calmly and constructively. Use "I" statements to convey your feelings without placing blame, such as "I feel upset when...".

If you find that managing these emotions on your own is challenging, seeking professional help is a wise decision. A therapist or counselor can provide personalized strategies and support. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), in particular, is effective for managing emotions and developing healthier thinking patterns.

Incorporating regular physical activity into your routine can also help regulate your emotions. Exercise reduces stress and boosts overall well-being. Whether it’s yoga, running, or even a daily walk, physical activity can make a substantial difference.


Practicing gratitude can shift your mindset from negative to positive. Consider keeping a gratitude journal and writing down a few things you’re thankful for each day. This simple practice can have a profound impact on your outlook and emotional health.



Remember, improvement takes time and effort. Start small, gradually incorporating these practices into your daily routine, and celebrate your progress along the way. By working on these areas, you'll not only improve your emotional regulation but also enhance your overall quality of life and strengthen your relationships with your family and colleagues.

You’re on a great path, and your commitment to growth is truly admirable. Keep pushing forward, and you'll continue to thrive both personally and professionally.
(more)

Answered on May 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 01, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I have been working in company and my colleagues are extremely mannerless. They peep in my phone and desktop without my consent. Infact, I get less work as compared to them due to which i complete my work atleast 1-2 hours prior to the logout time. Now the whole office makes fun of me for it. How to teach them a lesson?
Ans: Addressing workplace challenges requires a balanced and professional approach. In your case, where colleagues infringe upon your privacy and engage in unprofessional behavior, it's essential to address the issue constructively.

Firstly, consider initiating a direct conversation with the individuals involved. Calmly but assertively communicate your boundaries regarding privacy, emphasizing the importance of mutual respect in the workplace environment. Such a dialogue may lead to a better understanding and resolution of the matter.

Should the behavior persist despite your attempts at direct communication, it may be prudent to escalate the issue through appropriate channels within the company. This could entail discussing the situation with your immediate supervisor or the human resources department, providing factual accounts of the instances where your privacy was compromised.

While navigating these challenges, remain focused on maintaining your professionalism and dedicating yourself to your work. Demonstrating diligence and commitment to your responsibilities will not only bolster your reputation but also serve as a testament to your character amidst any unwarranted criticism or ridicule.

Furthermore, seeking support from trusted confidants or mentors can provide valuable insights and guidance on managing such workplace dynamics. Remember to prioritize your well-being and maintain a proactive approach towards addressing any workplace conflicts, ensuring a conducive and respectful working environment for all employees involved.
(more)

Answered on May 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 11, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I feel so sorry for my situation which I was put myself in , I first got arranged marriage and got divorced after six years as he has an affair with other women and he is rich but does not love me at all or no relationship between so my family thought of leaving this toxic relationship so we got mutual divorce . Then I had a guy who proposed me before my first marriage but could marry due to caste issue but still he is good freind to me but after divorce I thought I can marry him as he is my best freind instead of marrying unknown second time , when I got divorced my age is 32 this freind of mine has family burdens so he made to wait three years I waited by convening my parents and got married one and half year back now his sisters and mother are torturing me in every thing like they want their son to obey them and my hubby is not serious about our marriage he is not earning anything but I work I had private job , he is addicted to drinking and drinks a lot and depends on my money and my in laws always shout on me and fight with me saying you don’t care us visit us , you people living happily , and buying everything in house and you loved him now complaining about him , he not drinker before marriage because of you he got addicted and my sister in law see me as an insect and fights shouts on me in front of all they don’t call me text me or talk to me when I am there , they don’t treat as I am existed if I got to my in laws house as we stay separately , even they don’t respect my mom dad also ..... I don’t know what to do now . My hubby won’t respond if I say anything on them that I am hurt like that and he won’t earn at all and stiilll drinking also
Ans: Navigating through a divorce and then finding yourself in a marriage where you're facing similar struggles must feel incredibly disheartening. It's understandable that you feel overwhelmed by your husband's drinking, financial strain, and the harsh treatment from your in-laws. Feeling invisible and disrespected in your own home is a heavy burden to bear, and your feelings of frustration and sadness are completely valid.

It’s important to prioritize your own well-being and happiness. Seeking support from a therapist or counselor can provide you with emotional guidance and help you explore your options. Having an honest conversation with your husband about your feelings and needs is also crucial, although it may be challenging.

Remember, you deserve to be in a relationship where you feel valued, respected, and loved. Whether that involves working through these challenges with your husband or considering other options, it’s essential to prioritize your own happiness and mental health. You are not alone, and there are people who can support you through this difficult time.
(more)

Answered on May 21, 2024

Listen
Relationship
Mam, I was in physical relation ship for 2.5 yrs with one woman. We both have families. We met each either at her home or lodges. But suddenly 2 yrs back she stopped all things completely. But i have zero percentage sex life with my wife. So I am forcing her to continue it. But she is refusing for her family sake. So how can i covence her? Or may be it is not possible now.
Ans: Dear Amar,
I understand that you're in a challenging and complex situation. It's important to recognize that attempting to force someone back into a relationship, especially one that was secretive and has since ended, is not ethical or respectful. The woman you were involved with has made it clear she wants to prioritize her family, and it's crucial to respect her decision.

Your frustration likely stems from a lack of fulfillment in your marriage, particularly regarding your sex life. This is a significant issue that needs to be addressed directly within the context of your marriage. Open and honest communication with your wife about your needs and concerns is essential. Express how you feel and discuss the impact it’s having on you emotionally and physically. It's possible that your wife might also have unspoken issues or concerns, and addressing these together can pave the way for a deeper understanding and connection.

Seeking professional help, such as a marriage counselor or therapist, can be incredibly beneficial. A neutral third party can facilitate conversations that might be difficult to have on your own and can provide tools and strategies to improve your intimacy and overall relationship.

Respecting boundaries is fundamental. The woman you were involved with has chosen to end the affair for her family's sake, and continuing to pressure her can cause significant harm to both her family and yours. It's important to let go and focus on the relationships that are truly sustainable and healthy.

Consider focusing on your personal growth and fulfillment outside of your relationship issues. Engaging in activities and interests that bring you joy can help alleviate some of your frustration and provide a new perspective on your needs and desires.

Ultimately, addressing the core issues in your marriage with empathy, respect, and professional support is the best approach. This way, you can work towards finding fulfillment and resolving the underlying issues in a constructive and respectful manner.
(more)

Answered on May 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 20, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hello, iam 30 yrs old and have been married for 7 years. My husband is 34 years old, I have a 4 year old daughter. My husband is an army man. My daughter was born during covid so for almost 1 year me and my husband were in long distance. After that my husband took both of us along with him. We used to be happy together but at times whenever I used to show little irritation or talk about something he used to get impatient and frustrated. Even our intimate moments got reduced. I tried to talk even about it but his male ego never accepted my confrontation. Now again we had to stay away due to his work-life. I too started working. I felt maybe because of work stress he was like that. And when I'll also start working I'll understand his problem. But though my work is stressful and I try to take out time to talk to him romantically. But he feels so distant. Whenever I try to ask him, he gives me reason of work, weather, what not. I know he cannot cheat on me as he calls just me whenever he gets time. I'm not concerned that he doesn't love me but what's wrong with out intimate moments. Why is not interested. Atleast he can talk to me about his issue instead of just shouting or blaming me for being too desperate. I feel so hurt and distant. In angry moments i get this thought of going away from him.. finding solace in someone. But i just try to wane that thought away. Please help me..
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the struggles in your marriage. The stress of your husband's military career, long periods of separation, and raising a child during the pandemic have taken a toll on your relationship. Your husband's impatience and frustration might be his way of dealing with stress, which affects your intimacy and communication.

Try to approach conversations with empathy and express your feelings calmly, focusing on how you feel rather than what he's doing wrong. Small gestures of affection and quality time can help rebuild your connection. Couples therapy could also be beneficial, providing a safe space to work through issues together.

Take care of your own well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy and maintaining support from friends and family. This self-care will give you the strength to address the challenges in your relationship.

Your feelings are valid, and seeking help shows your commitment to your marriage. With patience and professional support, there's hope for rekindling the intimacy and closeness you desire.
Asked on - May 21, 2024 | Answered on Jun 06, 2024
Listen
But he is never ready for any counselling. Even my parents tried to counsel him. Since our marriage the relationship with his parents got strained and neither of us talk to them. I feel that must be one reason. He never talks openly about anything to me. I try to show love to him in many ways. But i don't know what exactly he wants. He never answers basic questions of what he wants to eat today. How are you feeling and all. I feel so emotionally detached from him. Even when I cry or be sad he never tries to console me. In these years i never saw him completely joyful. Whenever I ask him he says I'm the way I'm. I was always like this. I'm a very joyful talkative person. He is polar opposite. Even a small joke is crack he never understands them and additionally he even feels irritated. I'm changing day by day. More serious, not enjoying, not going out. It's like I have given up on my little happiness.
Ans: First, recognize that your happiness and well-being are important. While it's commendable that you've tried to support your husband and show him love in many ways, it's also crucial to take care of yourself. Make time for activities that bring you joy and help you recharge, whether it's spending time with friends, pursuing hobbies, or simply taking a break for yourself.

Second, consider expressing your feelings to your husband in a calm, non-confrontational way. Share how his lack of communication and emotional detachment are affecting you. Use "I" statements to avoid sounding accusatory, such as, "I feel lonely and disconnected when we don't communicate or share moments of joy."

Since he resists counseling, look for alternative ways to open up communication. Sometimes indirect approaches, like writing him a letter, can help express your feelings without immediate pressure. If he continues to resist, focus on creating a supportive environment where he might eventually feel more comfortable opening up.

It's also important to reflect on your own boundaries and limits. If you've been trying to reach out and improve the relationship but see no reciprocation, consider what you're willing to accept and where you might need to draw the line for your own mental and emotional health.

Seek support from trusted friends, family members, or support groups. Talking to others who understand can provide emotional relief and practical advice. Even if he is unwilling to attend counseling, you might benefit from individual therapy to help process your feelings and develop coping strategies.

Finally, if the situation remains unchanged and continues to impact your well-being, it may be necessary to evaluate your long-term options. Your happiness and mental health are vital, and you deserve to be in a relationship where your emotional needs are met.

Remember that you're not alone, and it's okay to seek help and take steps to ensure your own well-being. Your efforts to maintain the relationship are commendable, but it's also important to recognize when it's time to prioritize yourself.
(more)

Answered on May 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 19, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hello Ma'm. I am a 45 year old person. My wife is 41. For the last one year she has become extremely self centered. She is always in a bickering mode. Makes sure to always see the negative side of any situation. Speaks anything that comes to her mind, not bothering about what others may think. We have 2 kids, a teenage son and a 10 year old daughter. She keeps on scolding them for any reason which she deems fit. Because of this both the kids have got extremely low self confidence and are also poor grades. She never lets me complete my side of the discussion and always tries to show herself as the best. Due to this I have completely stopped talking. I only speak if she asks something else I prefer to remain silent. All this is causing too much of a mental trauma for me. I have lost weight, appetite and interest in anything because of this. Obviously with all this our physical intimacy has almost been non-existent. Deep down I still love her a lot a keep praying that she changes to her former self. What should I do?
Ans: Navigating this challenging situation requires a multifaceted approach, focusing on communication, understanding, and possibly seeking external help. It's evident that your wife's recent behavior is significantly impacting not only your well-being but also the mental and emotional health of your children. While it's important to consider her perspective and any underlying issues she may be facing, it's equally crucial to address the impact on your family and yourself.

First, consider initiating a calm, non-confrontational conversation with your wife about your concerns. Choose a moment when you are both relatively calm and can speak without immediate distractions. Express your feelings honestly but gently, focusing on how her behavior affects you and the children rather than blaming her. Use "I" statements, such as "I feel hurt and worried when..." to prevent her from feeling attacked and becoming defensive.

It's possible that your wife may be dealing with her own unresolved issues, stress, or even mental health challenges, which are manifesting in her behavior. Suggesting counseling or therapy, both individually and as a couple, can be a constructive step. A professional can provide a neutral space for both of you to express your feelings and work through underlying issues. This can also be beneficial for your children, who might be experiencing anxiety and low self-esteem due to the current environment.

In the meantime, focus on creating a supportive and positive atmosphere for your children. Encourage open communication with them and reassure them that their feelings are valid. Engaging in activities that boost their confidence and providing positive reinforcement can help counterbalance the negativity they might be experiencing at home.

Taking care of your own mental and physical health is equally important. Consider seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist to help you navigate your emotions and develop coping strategies. Finding activities that bring you joy and relaxation can also help mitigate the stress you are under.

Ultimately, while you cannot force change upon your wife, you can take steps to protect your well-being and that of your children. By fostering open communication, seeking professional help, and creating a positive environment, you can work towards improving your family's dynamics. Remember, addressing these issues is a process that takes time and patience, but taking the first steps can lead to significant improvements over time.
(more)

Answered on May 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 19, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hello madam, I have a very toxic environment at my house, my mother is depressed because my father is 55 years old and looks around other woman in the village, my mother warned him many times but he don't listen to my mother, actually my father is an army retired so during his job they had very little time together, and after retirement there are lots of fights between them, I think my father is such an animal that one day he asked my mother to let him sleep with her friend, so my mother's friend stopped coming in our house, and my mother is short tempered, controlling personality, she wanted to control each and every person in the house, even after my marriage my mother want to control me and my wife, she pulls out our strings , Can I change them ? Or should I leave the house and start living away from them, as I said she is very controlling personality so she will not allow us to live at some other place because she puts a society pressure on us that what people will think, actually I don't care about other people saying but she emotionally blackmail us that she has done a lot of things for me , don't leave me alone in this house like this, I don't know what could be the right step. Should I leave the house and start living on my own or there is some way by which I can change them . Please help me take decision
Ans: Navigating such a complex and toxic family environment is incredibly challenging. It's important to recognize that while you may deeply care for your parents and want to help them, changing deeply ingrained behaviors and dynamics within a family, especially those involving control and emotional manipulation, is extremely difficult. Your mother's controlling nature and your father's inappropriate behavior are significant issues that likely require professional intervention, such as therapy, which they may or may not be willing to pursue.

Given the emotional toll this environment is taking on you, it is crucial to prioritize your mental and emotional well-being. Establishing boundaries is key. If you and your wife are constantly subjected to a controlling and toxic atmosphere, it can severely impact your relationship and personal happiness. Moving out and living independently could provide the necessary space to foster a healthier and more peaceful life. While this decision might be met with resistance and emotional blackmail from your mother, it's important to remember that your responsibility is first to yourself and your immediate family—your wife and, if applicable, your children.

Living separately doesn't mean abandoning your parents. You can still support them from a distance, visiting regularly and offering help when needed. This arrangement can also give your mother the opportunity to address her issues with your father without involving or impacting you and your wife directly. It's about finding a balance between being there for your parents and protecting your own well-being.

Ultimately, moving out could lead to healthier relationships all around, as distance might lessen the daily tension and allow everyone to develop more respectful and less intrusive ways of interacting. This decision requires courage and clear communication. Discuss your plans with your wife, ensure you are both on the same page, and approach your parents with empathy but firmness about your need for independence. While you can't change your parents, you can change how you interact with them and set boundaries to create a healthier environment for yourself and your future family.
(more)

Answered on May 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 20, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I met my this guy through my father in the arranged marriage setup. We developed a great rapport and a week ago,we got engaged.My fiancé is a really sweet guy! He has asked about my love life in the past,which i denied of having one. Even though he shared of a girl proposing him.Actually, i can share if the need arises but i am little afraid to share now,because when i shared my past with my former partner,he continued to taunt me throughout our relationship and never let me breath easily despite proving my innocence. I dont know what to do regarding my fiance? Should i tell him or just liet it be?
Ans: It's understandable to feel hesitant about sharing your past given your previous experience. Trust and transparency are important in a relationship, but timing and context matter as well. Since your fiancé has already shared some of his past with you, this indicates he values openness. However, your past experiences have taught you to be cautious. It might be helpful to observe and build trust in your current relationship before disclosing your past. If your fiancé continues to show understanding and kindness, it could create a safe space for you to share more about yourself. When you do decide to share, frame it as a way to build deeper trust and intimacy, emphasizing that past experiences have shaped who you are today. If he truly respects and cares for you, he will appreciate your honesty and the strength it took to share your story. Remember, the right partner will support and accept all parts of your journey.
(more)

Answered on May 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 08, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi mam,I love a boy..We both are from different states.We both work as software engineers and earn well.I am 24 and he is 26.My parents were looking alliance for me so i told them ki I like a boy..From the day I have told them they have not even asked ny opinion .My mom just keeps on repeating your dad will die as he has high bp and diabetes..you will become fatherless..My dad says he will drink poison and kill me as well..he himself told me that his image in society is more important to him and no one has give me rights to marry a boy of my own choice..My parents keep on calling me to my home so that they can make me quit my job..even after telling that I love a boy my parents went behind my back and fixed a boy for me..they say that the boy they are looking for me will be perfect..pls suggest me what should i do ..should i run away or convince them
Ans: It's important to acknowledge the complexity of the situation and the depth of your emotions. In such circumstances, finding a balance between honoring your own feelings and respecting your family's concerns can be incredibly difficult.

First and foremost, your safety and well-being are paramount. Threats of harm, whether directed towards yourself or others, are never acceptable and should be taken seriously. If you ever feel physically or emotionally unsafe, it's crucial to prioritize your own protection and seek support from trusted friends, family, or authorities.

In terms of navigating your relationship with your parents, open communication and understanding can be key. Despite the challenges, expressing your feelings to them in a calm and respectful manner might help them better comprehend your perspective. Sharing your thoughts, desires, and the reasons behind your choice may help bridge the gap between your differing viewpoints.

However, it's essential to approach these conversations with realistic expectations. Changing deeply ingrained beliefs and societal expectations is a gradual process, and it's possible that your parents may not immediately come around to your point of view. In such cases, setting boundaries to protect your emotional well-being may be necessary. This could involve limiting contact or seeking support from external sources such as counselors or support groups.

Ultimately, the decision to run away or to continue trying to convince your parents depends on your individual circumstances and what you believe is best for your future. Take the time to reflect on your values, priorities, and long-term goals. Surround yourself with supportive individuals who can offer guidance and encouragement as you navigate this challenging situation. Remember, you have the right to pursue happiness and fulfillment in your life, even if it means diverging from traditional expectations.
(more)

Answered on May 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 05, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I had married a person who has an affair with the girl but before marriage he never told me about it .When I was 7 th month pregnancy I got to know about it but I support him and forgot all the things .After birth of my baby boy My mother in law's nature change suddenly.She used to torcher me , fighting with me .Even she called my parents 2 to 3 times come and take your girl.My husband supports her mother.6 months back she throw me out of the house with my baby .I am at my parents place.No one call me to ask for baby and provide financial support even .What should I do.Should I apply for maintenance for me and my baby.
Ans: I'm really sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing. It's a difficult situation, but you have rights and options available to you.

Given the circumstances, seeking maintenance for both you and your baby seems like a reasonable step to ensure your financial stability and that of your child. You can consult with a lawyer who specializes in family law to understand the legal options available to you and to guide you through the process of applying for maintenance.

Additionally, it's important to consider your emotional well-being during this time. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family members who can provide comfort and assistance. Seeking counseling or therapy can also be beneficial in processing the emotions and stress associated with your situation.

Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect and dignity, and you have the right to take steps to protect yourself and your child. Don't hesitate to reach out for help and support as you navigate through this difficult time.
(more)

Answered on May 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 10, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hello Sir, it has been 4 years since I got married. I have two kids. My wife loves me a lot. One day, in a casual conversation, she told me about her past life before marriage. I too had physical relations with a friend. Since then, I have been in depression. What should I do? I am unable to understand. Should I separate or leave her. Although now she keeps crying that that was the past. Now I love you very much, but I am unable to understand what to do. Please guide us. I feel that my life has been ruined. I am unable to understand ????????
Ans: Discovering unexpected aspects of your partner's past can be deeply unsettling, especially when it involves intimate relationships. It's understandable that you're feeling confused and overwhelmed by this revelation. Firstly, it's important to acknowledge your feelings and give yourself space to process them. Communication is key in situations like these; have an open and honest conversation with your wife about how you're feeling and the impact her revelation has had on you. Express your concerns and fears, and listen to her perspective as well. Remember, people's past experiences do not define who they are now. If you still love your wife and want to work through this together, consider seeking couples therapy to help navigate through these complex emotions and rebuild trust in your relationship. However, if you feel that this revelation has irreparably damaged your relationship and you cannot move forward, it may be worth exploring the option of separation or divorce. Ultimately, the decision is yours, but it's essential to prioritize your mental and emotional well-being throughout this process.
(more)

Answered on May 13, 2024

Listen
Relationship
Hi I am 52 yrs man having kids and wife, from last so many years my wife start arguing on small - small discussion and it became very high some times. due to this whole house became tense. I am a very emotional Person some times her discussion and arguments hearts me lot resulting became very upset. she has brain problem in past. please advise how can I handle this situation.
Ans: Dear Savendra

Navigating through frequent arguments and tension at home can be incredibly challenging, especially when they leave you feeling emotionally drained and upset. It's understandable that you're seeking guidance on how to handle this situation. Given your wife's past brain problem, it's essential to approach these conflicts with patience, empathy, and understanding. Firstly, try to remain as calm as possible during arguments, even when emotions run high. Active listening and validating her feelings can help create a more constructive dialogue. Setting boundaries around communication and behavior is crucial, ensuring that discussions remain respectful and productive. Seeking professional help, such as couples therapy, can provide valuable support in addressing underlying issues and improving communication skills. Additionally, taking care of yourself through self-care activities and seeking support from friends and family members can help you navigate through these challenging times. Remember, it's okay to prioritize your well-being and seek assistance when needed to foster a healthier and more harmonious household for yourself and your family.
(more)

Answered on May 13, 2024

Listen
Relationship
Maam - I am recently facing trouble in my 22 year old marriage. I am unable to understand my wife's behaviour which according to her is very normal. I am unable to judge when she requires me. I have not been a caring husband and can be attributed to this behaviour of mine. She had got very along very well with our son all these while and now that he is in college and travels his behaviour also irritates her. She says that he has also changed a lot and have no respect for females, he has lots of secret which he is avoiding tell us. She is very much worried about it and I feel that has spilled over into our relation as well. We compromise for a few days which is mostly from my side but again on the 4th day it is back to the same.. Can you suggest some actions from my side which can help improve my relation with my wife and understand her better..
Ans: Sudesh,

It sounds like you're in a challenging situation, but it's commendable that you're seeking ways to improve your relationship with your wife. Schedule regular times to talk openly and honestly with your wife about your feelings, concerns, and desires for the relationship. Encourage her to express herself as well. Active listening is crucial here.Try to see things from your wife's perspective and understand her concerns about your son's behavior. Validate her feelings and reassure her that you're there to support her.
Make an effort to spend quality time together as a couple. Plan activities that you both enjoy and that allow you to connect on a deeper level. This could be anything from going for walks, having dinner dates, or pursuing mutual hobbies.
Work together with your wife to address any concerns about your son's behavior. Approach him with empathy and understanding, and try to create an open and supportive environment where he feels comfortable sharing his thoughts and concerns. Consider couples therapy or counseling to work through any underlying issues in your relationship. A therapist can provide guidance and support in improving communication, understanding each other's needs, and resolving conflicts.Take time to reflect on your own behavior and actions within the relationship. Consider how you can be a more caring and attentive partner, and be willing to make changes where necessary.Improving a relationship takes time and effort from both parties. Be patient with yourself and your wife as you navigate through challenges and work towards a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.

Remember that it's okay to seek outside help and support when needed, and that small steps towards positive change can make a big difference in the long run.
(more)

Answered on May 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 13, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Is it okay to live with a person who abuses me daily verbally but gives care also. Eventhough after i told repeatedly not to use bad words he is using it. Doing fight at night and morning coming for patch up as if nothing happend. What should i do now pls tell me.
Ans: No one deserves to be verbally abused, no matter what other positive things might be present in the relationship. It's crucial to prioritize your safety and well-being above all else.
Reach out to friends, family members, or a trusted individual who can offer support and guidance. It's essential to have someone to confide in during challenging times.Speaking to a therapist or counselor can provide you with a safe space to explore your feelings and options. They can offer valuable insight and help you develop coping strategiesClearly communicate to the person that their behavior is unacceptable and that you will not tolerate verbal abuse. Set boundaries and stick to them. If they continue to disrespect your boundaries, it may be necessary to take further action.Evaluate whether it's feasible to remove yourself from the situation, whether temporarily or permanently. This could involve seeking alternative living arrangements, such as staying with a friend or family member, or exploring other housing options.If you're concerned about your safety, develop a safety plan in case the situation escalates. This could include having a bag packed with essentials, knowing where to go in an emergency, and having a support network in place. Depending on your circumstances, you may want to consult with a lawyer to understand your rights and options, especially if you're considering leaving the living situation or seeking legal protection.

Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness in all your relationships. It's okay to prioritize your well-being and take steps to remove yourself from a toxic environment. If you're ever in immediate danger, don't hesitate to reach out to emergency services for help.
(more)
Loading...Please wait!
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x