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Dr Aarti

Dr Aarti Bakshi

Child and Parenting Counsellor 

40 Answers | 14 Followers

Dr Aarti Bakshi is a psychologist licensed by the Rehabilitation Council of India.
A school counsellor, she has worked for 15 years with young adults.
She has two PhD degrees -- developmental psychology from Global Institute of Healthcare Management and clinical psychology from Singhania University.
She is on the CBSE panel for counsellors and special educators. She collaborates with SAAR Education to help children develop life skills.
She has authored SEL (social emotional learning) journals for Grades 1-8.... more

Answered on Aug 09, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 28, 2023
My kid with mild autism keep throwing objects out of house window. I understand that there are no medicine. But is there any trick or technique using whitch i can stop his habit politely?
Ans: Dear Parent, find included a few suggestions:
1. Visual Schedule and Choice Board - Create a visual schedule and choice board for your son. This will provide a clear structure and routine for him, reducing anxiety and the need for escape behaviors. Include preferred activities and breaks in the schedule to motivate him. When he shows signs of wanting to throw something out of the window, redirect his attention to the visual schedule or choice board, allowing him to make a choice of what activity he would like to engage in.

2. Sensory Breaks - Provide him with sensory breaks throughout the day. This can include using sensory tools such as fidget toys, stress balls, or sensory bins. These sensory breaks can help the child to regulate his sensory needs and reduce the urge to throw things out of the window. Teach him to use these sensory tools as a replacement behavior when he feels the need to throw something.

3. Social Stories - Create and use social stories to teach your child appropriate behavior and alternatives to throwing things out of the window. The social stories should include visuals and simple language to explain why throwing things out of the window is not safe and the consequences it may have. Reinforce positive behavior and provide praise when your son chooses an appropriate alternative behavior, such as asking for help or using a sensory tool.

4. Communication Support - Implement a communication support system as a family, such as a picture exchange communication system (PECS) or a communication app on a tablet. This will allow him to express his needs and desires without resorting to throwing things out of the window. Provide positive reinforcement when he uses it appropriately.

5. Environmental Modifications - Make modifications to the environment to reduce the likelihood of your son throwing things out of the window. This can include securing windows with childproof locks or installing window guards. Ensure that your child's preferred toys or objects are accessible in a safe and supervised manner, reducing the need for him to throw them out of the window.

Answered on Apr 27, 2023

My five-year-old child has just started going to school a month ago. She has never been out without her parents. This is her first time outside in a big set up with complete strangers. Initially, she cried a lot and we tried leaving her at school first and then staying with her there for some time. But the school authorities took things in their hands a couple of days ago. My child started sitting in the class and stopped crying, and according to them 'she is fine now'. But she became very quiet after coming back. Her usual playfulness was missing. She was not speaking much and was mostly nodding her head in response when asked anything. Even the things she is usually excited by were not interesting her. She went out to play but came shortly saying 'I am tired'. I took her out and after very long time she started talking normally. I spoke to her teachers and they said we were a bit strict with her today as it was needed. They're saying we should send her to school and this behaviour would be over within a week or so. But my wife and I are very worried that her childhood is being lost in this exercise. What should we do?
Ans: It is trying as a parent to see your child grow and develop in so many ways. It takes a village to bring up a child. Parenting is an art and you learn on the job. Averagely schools build discipline, consistency and hardwork. Parents build social connectedness, and support a child to see the real world. Trust professionals and be there as parents to hug and be hearing ears. But you are a team with the school faculty so you could reach out and connect with them. Hear their views, state yours views positively, and work towards the betterment of your child, trust processes. Children are precious and entry into the real world is tough for any child away from the cocoon of home. You both are her trusted adults, support the teacher to be her trusted adult too. Positive words fun and play are wonderful additions in a child’s life. Revert back with your way forward.

Answered on Apr 23, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 21, 2023
Hi Madam, I am a 46 yrs old male doing business, my wife is a housewife and 37 yrs old and we have a baby boy of 8 yrs old studying in class III in a reputed ICSE board school. My issue is with my child. Issue no. 1. Most of the time, he does not listen to both of us, whether we are telling him in soft voice or in angry voice. It is applicable not only in studies but also in other activities also. Issue no. 2. He is telling unnecessary lie. It is related to studying, playing and also day to day activities. Issue no. 3. This is most vital, he is studying in one of the best school in our city. But he is not at all interested in writing, we every time need to push him a lot for writing in the time of studies. His teachers often complain that even in exam time he is seating idle and they used to push him to write. But as he is now in class III, it is not possible for the teachers to push him to write in the exams. We are very much scared about this issue. Pls help.
Ans: Dear Parents, here are a few suggestions:
1.Find out the root cause- is it too much technology and that’s why the child cannot concentrate; or learning gaps and your child is unable to understand his studies. Or is he getting tired of writing? Or a focus concern?
2. Peer check: find out what he enjoys with his friends, and work in short periods to revise his studies, write in bullet points and then play. Come back, blurt his study understanding and do a little more studies.
3. Fear builds escaping attitude: once cause is settled, building on his basic knowledge can start.
4. Talk and express as a family: it helps to build relationships.
Do let me know the progress!

Answered on Feb 09, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 08, 2023
Hello, I am Arvind aged 55, I have 2 kids, elder one is son ( age 26 yrs ) and is already in good job at IT sector in south India, Myself and my wife are raising our daughter who is 8 yrs younger to my son in North India. Our problem/Expectations: My son will not call any of us at his own, He hardly wants to share any part of his routine life, whats going on, untill we will ask him specifics. However, he prefers to just respond only when we initiate the call, txt etc. he would talk as much we asked in limited sentences, bare min txt like OK/Yes. Sometimes, many days would pass even without exchanging any call/txt/msgs- but it does not make him bother to know-hope everything is fine from his side. I mean we are not finding the warmth of son-parent relationship despite the fact that we are not keeping any expectation in terms of money, responsibilities etc. I have tried once/twice to explain that such behaviour hurts all of us. Do not know how to change such behaviour of ignorance, carelessness/avoidance. Pls advice.
Ans: Dear Arvind,
the most fantastic thing of having grown-up children is the world that they can show. Their world is the same as yours, just a different lens. Young adults when guilty shy away/keep to themselves/ or talk in few words. to bridge the conversations my suggestion is talking on neutral grounds. Both you and your child are viewing the world with different perspectives. A few questions that may start a conversation, on your next call, could be:
1.What is that fun app that I don’t have on my phone?
2. What music bands are you listening to these days?
3.Can you send me the link/ play me one of their best songs?
4.Who is your best friend right now? Which activity do you enjoy doing together?
5.Where would be an awesome place to go for a family vacation? Let me know your next break.
6.Did I ever tell you about how I met your (mother)?
Being a loving parent takes sacrifice, but he is an individual. sometimes inspite of being an adult he may not know how to bridge the gap. Do revert, I wish you and your family laughter and conversations.

Answered on Feb 04, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 03, 2023
Hello Doctor, my 19 year old son is suffering from extreme mental health issues. *. He is not interested in studies, says he cannot concentrate at all. *. He is always sleeping. *.Don't want to attain college classes but need attendance to avoid debarred list. *. Just want to go to college for modelling in college fashion shows & college fests. *. Want to spend life like an page 3 celebrity. *. Don't want to write exams but still worried that he cannot clear his graduation. *. Not at all respectful to his Mom. *. Always worried to enhance his looks. *. Needs expensive new clothes & beauty products. *. Doesn't understand value of money at all. *. Has nothing in his mind about his future. *. Cries very easily. *. Thinks he cannot do anything. *. 0% household help or support from his side. *. Always confused, nothing remembers. *. Doesn't like visiting our native place & talking to relatives. There are still to many issues. I don't understand what I should do? Please help.
Ans: Pre-frontal cortex is part of the brain which helps us make responsible decision making. It gets fully developed by 25 years of age. Yours is developed and functioning and your boy's is in the process. Have faith, you have brought him up and he will mirror your actions, your words, the tone of voice soon. Adolescence stage a teen is looking to showcase his self-esteem and identity. Dressing up, looking a certain way is part of the routine and they love adventure. My suggestions: 1. Listen and then respond. Talk of things he does at college, ask him his dreams, help him set one goal at a time and help him to achieve them if he needs help. 2. Make visiting the native place an adventure: let him plan the journey, the time, the food to carry the presents to give everyone there. Even cajole him that he would be able to make some reels there and share with all. 3. Ask for help: be a human who has emotional needs, gets tired, needs help to finish house work. Your child would be seeing you as an established adult, who manages everything, and then imagine you are asking for help from him to do things at home. 4. Career counselling and meeting people from different professions will clear his mind to choose what he loves. 5. Attending college: Ask him about his favourite subjects, what he finds easy and difficult. Peer support and sitting with friends to revise helps to attend college. do encourage that.
Show your boy you love him but also demand from your son that he is responsible for his world. He is an adult in the eyes of law and his actions has a consequences. Money matters can be solved by giving him a fixed amount to run his week. There is a balance between discipline and respect, treat him like a young adult and not a child. You are a good parent, be kind to yourself and meet your friends too. Do revert with the progress!

Answered on Feb 04, 2023

Hi Dr Aarti. For past past three months we've noticed our 2 year old son has developed a habit of screaming (glass shattering magnitude) in the middle of the night. The bouts last from a few mins to 45 mins and it gets incredibly difficult to pacify him. We have noticed most of the time it is correlated to TV Time alloted to him in the evening so we've stopped that practice altogether but sometimes the screaming can occur despite that. We also thought it was a response to bad dreams triggered by a general feeling of abandonment cause we both work and one parent has to go to work twice a week. He usually does use it as a technique now and then during the day to blackmail us to give into his demands but we've stopped giving in. He is incredibly social, talkative and quick to pick up knowledge however doesn't get the opportunity to interact much with other children (cause our work timings collide with his play time) so we are thinking of enrolling him in a pre nursery school so that he gets that time and space to express himself with other children. We are hoping this would also have a positive impact on his sleep pattern. Do you think the screaming is a normal phase and he'll grow out of it or do you think it's part of a deeper problem and needs to be addressed with a child psychologist in person? Would appreciate any inputs
Ans: Hi Gautam,
Seperation anxiety strikes at night too. Scare of darkness plays havoc with the thinking. When your toddler wakes to find they're all alone, they may react by crying or screaming uncontrollably. I can empathise with your disruptive sleep, this is a phase your child will grow out of with time.
A few suggestions:
1. Monitor (cctv/baby monitors/hidden) too the time that you are not with the child and find out details when child is spending time during the day without parents. Who's incharge of hima and his activities? A clear picture of scares, build up of seperation anxiety could help you with the trigger.
2. Boundaries matter: It is commendable that you have found about the temper tantrum bargains and have held yourself from giving in. Do continue that and behavior boundaries will fit in.
3. Peer support: Enrolling for play school is lovely. He will build friendships and be physically tired to sleep through the night.
Hug him tons, cuddle him, read bedtie stories, create memories of running after him, dancing on music whatever the hours you are together. Do let me know the progress!

Answered on Jan 19, 2023

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