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Dr Aarti

Dr Aarti Bakshi  |40 Answers  |Ask -

Child and Parenting Counsellor - Answered on Jul 24, 2023

Dr Aarti Bakshi is a psychologist licensed by the Rehabilitation Council of India.
A school counsellor, she has worked for 15 years with young adults.
She has two PhD degrees -- developmental psychology from Global Institute of Healthcare Management and clinical psychology from Singhania University.
She is on the CBSE panel for counsellors and special educators. She collaborates with SAAR Education to help children develop life skills.
She has authored SEL (social emotional learning) journals for Grades 1-8.... more
Manoj Question by Manoj on Jul 06, 2023Hindi
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Sir, I am 43 years old have a 14 years old son. I have very good bonding with him, but, from last few months, he is avoiding me and feels stress. He don't to listen me anymore. What should I do?

Ans: Continue being there for him. Teens try to find themselves during adolescence creating an identity for themselves.
2. Find out about his friends- what are they spending time on to support safety of your child.
3. Monitor sleep quality- sleeping late affects cognitive functioning making teens cranky.
4. Avoiding sarcastic remarks, having family time at dinner table.
DISCLAIMER: The answer provided by rediffGURUS is for informational and general awareness purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical diagnosis or treatment.
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Dr Aarti

Dr Aarti Bakshi  |40 Answers  |Ask -

Child and Parenting Counsellor - Answered on Feb 09, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 08, 2023Hindi
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Hello, I am Arvind aged 55, I have 2 kids, elder one is son ( age 26 yrs ) and is already in good job at IT sector in south India, Myself and my wife are raising our daughter who is 8 yrs younger to my son in North India. Our problem/Expectations: My son will not call any of us at his own, He hardly wants to share any part of his routine life, whats going on, untill we will ask him specifics. However, he prefers to just respond only when we initiate the call, txt etc. he would talk as much we asked in limited sentences, bare min txt like OK/Yes. Sometimes, many days would pass even without exchanging any call/txt/msgs- but it does not make him bother to know-hope everything is fine from his side. I mean we are not finding the warmth of son-parent relationship despite the fact that we are not keeping any expectation in terms of money, responsibilities etc. I have tried once/twice to explain that such behaviour hurts all of us. Do not know how to change such behaviour of ignorance, carelessness/avoidance. Pls advice.
Ans: Dear Arvind,
the most fantastic thing of having grown-up children is the world that they can show. Their world is the same as yours, just a different lens. Young adults when guilty shy away/keep to themselves/ or talk in few words. to bridge the conversations my suggestion is talking on neutral grounds. Both you and your child are viewing the world with different perspectives. A few questions that may start a conversation, on your next call, could be:
1.What is that fun app that I don’t have on my phone?
2. What music bands are you listening to these days?
3.Can you send me the link/ play me one of their best songs?
4.Who is your best friend right now? Which activity do you enjoy doing together?
5.Where would be an awesome place to go for a family vacation? Let me know your next break.
6.Did I ever tell you about how I met your (mother)?
Being a loving parent takes sacrifice, but he is an individual. sometimes inspite of being an adult he may not know how to bridge the gap. Do revert, I wish you and your family laughter and conversations.

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Anu Krishna  |1044 Answers  |Ask -

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my husband died when my son is12.5yrs. he was fond ofcricket and after my sons birth he trained him my son is now 15 he is spineer and play verywell. secondly after my son sbirth he always with my son because he left job and taken vrs. i m single mother now. my son didnot cry cry when he dead nor whenever i talked withhim he didnot want to discuss about him . he irritate. and never from his side he talked about his papa. why i didnot understand. and what to do so that he will talk about his papa. iknow he has verygood memories with him he alawys pamper my son when he was alive. suggest what to do
Ans: Dear Shobha,
I am truly sorry for your loss...Loss of a loved one is one of the toughest phases in anyone's life!
Also, you must understand that each of us have a different way of dealing and coping with loss. Your son possibly feels more comfortable masking his sadness and not talking about how much he misses having his father around. Since you say that he has good memories of his father, spend time with him not discussing his father but actually playing on those memories and keeping those happy memories alive. Since, they bonded over cricket, talk more about that with him and how his father would have been proud of him now. Someday, when he is ready to talk about his father, he will...give him time and replay the good times as a family and especially cricket with his father.
The only time you need to be concerned is when he starts to show any signs of withdrawal from life in general...since you haven't mentioned this, I assume that your son is fine and is just not willing to discuss his father. Let him be...each of us process grief differently. Just bond with him as a caring mother that you are...that will keep him safe and stable.

All the best!

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