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Dr Aarti

Dr Aarti Bakshi  |40 Answers  |Ask -

Child and Parenting Counsellor - Answered on Feb 28, 2023

Dr Aarti Bakshi is a psychologist licensed by the Rehabilitation Council of India.
A school counsellor, she has worked for 15 years with young adults.
She has two PhD degrees -- developmental psychology from Global Institute of Healthcare Management and clinical psychology from Singhania University.
She is on the CBSE panel for counsellors and special educators. She collaborates with SAAR Education to help children develop life skills.
She has authored SEL (social emotional learning) journals for Grades 1-8.... more
Utkarsh Question by Utkarsh on Feb 28, 2023Hindi
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Health

I always worry about my 5-year-old child falling ill or getting hurt. Even a small injury or illness freaks me out. So much so that I am even apprehensive of sending my child to school. My wife and others in my family have grown weary of my habit. But I genuinely feel anxious all the time. What should I do to put my mind at ease with my child's growing up?

Ans: Watching your child grow, do mundane activities is seeing your heart walk around. Being concerned is fine, being overtly worried is not, here are a few suggestions:
1. In and out of control- your voice, behaviour and actions are in your control, but others actions are not in your control. Teaching your child safe and unsafe touch, to tell you before going anywhere should be taught by you, but giving a little freedom to your child helps him grow.
2. Mindfulness- doing slow breathing, with tip of tongue to your palette will help you calm down. Gardening, going for a walk, following a hobby will support further.
3. Exercise- regular and at least 45 minutes as a sport will build calming and feel good hormones.
Every parent wishes the best for their child. Being over protective will hurt your child more. It will not allow your child to take risks, make responsible decisions or even make friends. Support your child to grow.
DISCLAIMER: The answer provided by rediffGURUS is for informational and general awareness purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical diagnosis or treatment.
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Hi Anu, I'm a guest faculty working at a government educational institute. I have a son who will be 5 years on August 13. He is very active, smart and kind. Recently I have noticed him crying and scared of death- Thanatophobia. Every day in the evening he will start crying thinking the world will end. He will die or me and his Dad will die. I explained him quiet spiritually that no death can come shiva will protect us. But he is not satisfied. This particular behaviour of him has started since his school started. Is this separation anxiety. Please help me how do I make him lead a normal life as he used to be?
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Dear NS,

When did this exactly start after he started school?

It helps to go back to that point in time to when this first started to affect him.

Was there a death in the family? A movie that he watched? A story that was narrated to him? Someone in the school shared some content that is frightening?

It is unlikely that he might suddenly have this kind of a fearful reaction.

To assess if this is separation anxiety will require a detailed understanding of his situation.

Children that age as your son can extrapolate one story into another and weave a new story that might have never happened.

Their imagination can take on new dimensions. It will be worth the effort talking to his teachers and the school counsellor.

My suggestion to you is to gather all this information and go to a professional who can handle this.

Is this necessary? YES, as they are trained to deal with fears and panic.

This will help him release these unwanted feelings and breathe easy. Wait no longer.

Till then, surround him with much love and support him by reassuring him that his family loves him no matter what.

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Hi Anu, I'm a guest faculty working at a government educational institute. I have a son who will be 5 years on August 13. He is very active, smart and kind. Recently I have noticed him crying and scared of death- Thanatophobia. Every day in the evening he will start crying thinking the world will end. He will die or me and his Dad will die. I explained him quiet spiritually that no death can come shiva will protect us. But he is not satisfied. This particular behaviour of him has started since his school started. Is this separation anxiety. Please help me how do I make him lead a normal life as he used to be?
Ans:

Dear NS,

When did this exactly start after he started school?

It helps to go back to that point in time to when this first started to affect him.

Was there a death in the family? A movie that he watched? A story that was narrated to him? Someone in the school shared some content that is frightening?

It is unlikely that he might suddenly have this kind of a fearful reaction.

To assess if this is separation anxiety will require a detailed understanding of his situation.

Children that age as your son can extrapolate one story into another and weave a new story that might have never happened.

Their imagination can take on new dimensions. It will be worth the effort talking to his teachers and the school counsellor.

My suggestion to you is to gather all this information and go to a professional who can handle this.

Is this necessary? YES, as they are trained to deal with fears and panic.

This will help him release these unwanted feelings and breathe easy. Wait no longer.

Till then, surround him with much love and support him by reassuring him that his family loves him no matter what.

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I am 42 years old,done B.A and B.ED.I feel anxious whenever i sit with others.Even i can't share my feelings. I am a housewife. When i cook food i feel anxious whether others will like my food or not.Each work give me anxious moment. I am married and have a adopted male child.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What will happen if someone does not like your food?
What will happen if someone does not like something that you said or did?
What will happen if someone does not like you?
That's okay...we are all entitled to our opinions, aren't we? We like something and we dislike something, we like some people and dislike a few others.
So what?
You might have to learn to accept that a few people may not like you, like what you wear, like what you cook, like what you say...and that's fine...does that change anything about who you are? NO!
Then pull yourself up and step out of this zone where you spend time feeling anxious about things that are not within your control...Learn to live with a simple fact that you maybe serving food to a person who dislikes your food...expect a few comments from them, brush it aside, take a deep breath and move on to the next thing.
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If the person genuinely means well and sharing their feedback with you, take it well as it goes a long way in your self-improvement...we are constantly learning, right?

Also, if there is something that you can do with your amazing qualifications, you will have less time to mull over these things. Use your time wisely...

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What are the chances to get merit out in afcat for flying branch if you've cleared all stages till medical but with a slightly average written marks?
Ans: Hi Gaurav,
Greetings.
Whenever we decide to take an entrance exam, it’s important to review the guidelines thoroughly. Like other entrance exams, CDAC has provided details on their website regarding the examination process. Admission is based on the vacancies available in the respective areas, and candidates will be admitted after a proper evaluation.

As you mentioned, there are several stages that candidates must clear for admission, if a candidate achieves average marks (Point 8a. (v) In order to rationalise the marks scored by candidates appearing in different shifts in an objective manner through a statistical method, before declaration of result marks scored by candidates will be Normalised based on the formula ), it can be challenging to predict their likelihood of admission. The Air Force has the discretion to set qualifying marks for any or all subjects of the examination. Below are points extracted from CDAC to provide more clarity about the admission process.

Sometimes, they may even consider a second cut-off if necessary ( Based on organizational requirements, IAF may impose a second cut-off for particular branch and call additional eligible candidates for SSB testing. These candidates will be shortlisted purely based on order of merit for the particular branch. That particular branch should be one of the choices submitted by the candidate at the time of registration. The candidature of candidates thus shortlisted, will be valid for that particular branch only and not for any other branch. In the overall Order of Merit, they will be placed below the last candidate qualifying the First AFCAT cut off marks {Para 9(a) above}. If successful in the selection process, these candidates will be inducted into that particular branch only, subject to vacancies and order of merit. These candidates would be required to submit an undertaking to this effect).

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My daughter scored 94.62 percentile in IIT JEE mains exam 2025 session 1. She belongs to general category. Which colleges she have chances to get admission
Ans: Dr, Here is, How to Predict Your Daughter's Chances of Admission into NIT or IIIT or GFTI After JEE Main Results – A Step-by-Step Guide

Once the January JEE Main session results are declared, many students and JEE applicants start asking common questions about eligibility for specific institutes (NITs, IIITs, GFTIs, etc.) based on their percentile, category, preferred branch, and home state.

Providing precise admission chances for each student can be challenging. Some reputed educational websites offer ‘College Predictor’ tools where you can check possible college options based on your percentile, category, and preferences. However, for a more accurate understanding, here’s a simple yet effective 9-step method using JoSAA’s past-year opening and closing ranks. This approach gives you a fair estimate (though not 100% exact) of your admission chances based on the previous year’s data.

Step-by-Step Guide to Check Your Daughter's Admission Chances Using JoSAA Data
Step 1: Collect Your Daughter's Key Details
Before starting, note down the following details:

Her JEE Main percentile
Her category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
List of at least 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
Step 3: Select the Round Number
JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
If you are open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
Step 6: Select Her Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
Enter the branches you are interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories.
Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in.
This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
Step 9: Adjust Your Expectations on a Safer Side
Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
Example Calculation:
If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.
Follow this approach for Other State candidates and different categories.
Pro Tip: Adjust your expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

Can This Method Be Used for JEE April & JEE Advanced?
Yes! You can repeat the same steps after your April JEE Main results to refine your admission possibilities.
You can also follow a similar process for JEE Advanced cutoffs when applying for IITs.

Want to Learn More About JoSAA Counseling?
If you want detailed insights on JoSAA counseling, engineering entrance exams, preparation strategies, and engineering career options, check out EduJob360’s 180+ YouTube videos on this topic!

Hope this guide helps! All the best for your daughter's admissions!

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