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Dr Aarti

Dr Aarti Bakshi  |40 Answers  |Ask -

Child and Parenting Counsellor - Answered on Feb 28, 2023

Dr Aarti Bakshi is a psychologist licensed by the Rehabilitation Council of India.
A school counsellor, she has worked for 15 years with young adults.
She has two PhD degrees -- developmental psychology from Global Institute of Healthcare Management and clinical psychology from Singhania University.
She is on the CBSE panel for counsellors and special educators. She collaborates with SAAR Education to help children develop life skills.
She has authored SEL (social emotional learning) journals for Grades 1-8.... more
Utkarsh Question by Utkarsh on Feb 28, 2023Hindi
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I always worry about my 5-year-old child falling ill or getting hurt. Even a small injury or illness freaks me out. So much so that I am even apprehensive of sending my child to school. My wife and others in my family have grown weary of my habit. But I genuinely feel anxious all the time. What should I do to put my mind at ease with my child's growing up?

Ans: Watching your child grow, do mundane activities is seeing your heart walk around. Being concerned is fine, being overtly worried is not, here are a few suggestions:
1. In and out of control- your voice, behaviour and actions are in your control, but others actions are not in your control. Teaching your child safe and unsafe touch, to tell you before going anywhere should be taught by you, but giving a little freedom to your child helps him grow.
2. Mindfulness- doing slow breathing, with tip of tongue to your palette will help you calm down. Gardening, going for a walk, following a hobby will support further.
3. Exercise- regular and at least 45 minutes as a sport will build calming and feel good hormones.
Every parent wishes the best for their child. Being over protective will hurt your child more. It will not allow your child to take risks, make responsible decisions or even make friends. Support your child to grow.
DISCLAIMER: The answer provided by rediffGURUS is for informational and general awareness purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical diagnosis or treatment.
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Hi Anu, I'm a guest faculty working at a government educational institute. I have a son who will be 5 years on August 13. He is very active, smart and kind. Recently I have noticed him crying and scared of death- Thanatophobia. Every day in the evening he will start crying thinking the world will end. He will die or me and his Dad will die. I explained him quiet spiritually that no death can come shiva will protect us. But he is not satisfied. This particular behaviour of him has started since his school started. Is this separation anxiety. Please help me how do I make him lead a normal life as he used to be?
Ans:

Dear NS,

When did this exactly start after he started school?

It helps to go back to that point in time to when this first started to affect him.

Was there a death in the family? A movie that he watched? A story that was narrated to him? Someone in the school shared some content that is frightening?

It is unlikely that he might suddenly have this kind of a fearful reaction.

To assess if this is separation anxiety will require a detailed understanding of his situation.

Children that age as your son can extrapolate one story into another and weave a new story that might have never happened.

Their imagination can take on new dimensions. It will be worth the effort talking to his teachers and the school counsellor.

My suggestion to you is to gather all this information and go to a professional who can handle this.

Is this necessary? YES, as they are trained to deal with fears and panic.

This will help him release these unwanted feelings and breathe easy. Wait no longer.

Till then, surround him with much love and support him by reassuring him that his family loves him no matter what.

All the best!

..Read more

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Anu Krishna  |1604 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 11, 2022

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Hi Anu, I'm a guest faculty working at a government educational institute. I have a son who will be 5 years on August 13. He is very active, smart and kind. Recently I have noticed him crying and scared of death- Thanatophobia. Every day in the evening he will start crying thinking the world will end. He will die or me and his Dad will die. I explained him quiet spiritually that no death can come shiva will protect us. But he is not satisfied. This particular behaviour of him has started since his school started. Is this separation anxiety. Please help me how do I make him lead a normal life as he used to be?
Ans:

Dear NS,

When did this exactly start after he started school?

It helps to go back to that point in time to when this first started to affect him.

Was there a death in the family? A movie that he watched? A story that was narrated to him? Someone in the school shared some content that is frightening?

It is unlikely that he might suddenly have this kind of a fearful reaction.

To assess if this is separation anxiety will require a detailed understanding of his situation.

Children that age as your son can extrapolate one story into another and weave a new story that might have never happened.

Their imagination can take on new dimensions. It will be worth the effort talking to his teachers and the school counsellor.

My suggestion to you is to gather all this information and go to a professional who can handle this.

Is this necessary? YES, as they are trained to deal with fears and panic.

This will help him release these unwanted feelings and breathe easy. Wait no longer.

Till then, surround him with much love and support him by reassuring him that his family loves him no matter what.

All the best!

..Read more

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Anu Krishna  |1604 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 12, 2023

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Hello Anu - we have a 5 year old son and he's getting out of our control these days and we don't know how to handle him. His actions and tantrums are mischievous and hurtful at the same time. Earlier he used to get scared from his mother but she's also losing control over him these days. If we scream or shout, he repeats the same things that kind of irritates us more. If we try to be reasonable with him, it's of no use - he takes us for granted. If we tell him about repercussions on his actions like a timeout or no tv time or no play time, he does not listen and at the end we give him to his crying. He also becomes uncontrollably violent at times - though he thinks it's a game, but in reality his actions literally hurt us. I know partially I am to blame as when he was younger, these violent games looked fun but now that he's older and stronger, they are not fun anymore to me or anyone in our house. I've tried to explain him, but at the end he is just 5 years old! Every morning to night it's a mountaineous challenge for us. My wife and I talk after he sleeps, decide what to do or not do from the next dat but bam! it's just the same routine every single day. Moreover my wife is pregnant with our second child so I fear this might have a bad effect on our 2nd baby as my wife remains stressed out. I know this could be every parent - but then if it happens that often, is there a solution? Can you help us?
Ans: Dear Shubham,
How is it possible for a 5-year old to understand logic when he is throwing an emotional fit (tantrum)?
Like you said it yourself; when it could have been stopped and changed, it wasn't done. He probably felt that it was fine to behave 'violently' (though I don't understand the context in which you use this word).
Now. all of a sudden when you and your wife are trying to stop him, he is pulling away as this behaviour was rewarded earlier. he has your earlier silence as your love and affection for which which he fears will be withdrawn now if he stops his behaviour.
So, logic isn't going to work; it doesn't work with adults, and here the child is merely 5 years.
So undoing what was done is going to take a lot of effort and patience (beyond all the talk that you and yoir wife are doing).
Start by:
- ignoring his tantrums; he will time-out himself in exhaustion
- talking to him at his eye level; get down on your knees, so he doesn't feel intimidated by your height
- hugging him a lot; a caring touch is worth a thousand words
- telling him how excited you both were when he was born; this can ensure that he will be special even after the arrival of the new baby
- distracting him with creative things; story telling and fine motor skill games improve focus and concentration
- cutting down on foods filled with sugar; sugar boost is artificial and can make a child or anyone go a little anxious
- ensuring him that he is loved a lot; saying it aloud while hugging him will soften his behaviour over time

Try these and I hope they work. If not, kindly without delay seek an appointment with a professional who can deal with children at your son's age.

All the best!

..Read more

Dr Aarti

Dr Aarti Bakshi  |40 Answers  |Ask -

Child and Parenting Counsellor - Answered on Apr 27, 2023

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My five-year-old child has just started going to school a month ago. She has never been out without her parents. This is her first time outside in a big set up with complete strangers. Initially, she cried a lot and we tried leaving her at school first and then staying with her there for some time. But the school authorities took things in their hands a couple of days ago. My child started sitting in the class and stopped crying, and according to them 'she is fine now'. But she became very quiet after coming back. Her usual playfulness was missing. She was not speaking much and was mostly nodding her head in response when asked anything. Even the things she is usually excited by were not interesting her. She went out to play but came shortly saying 'I am tired'. I took her out and after very long time she started talking normally. I spoke to her teachers and they said we were a bit strict with her today as it was needed. They're saying we should send her to school and this behaviour would be over within a week or so. But my wife and I are very worried that her childhood is being lost in this exercise. What should we do?
Ans: It is trying as a parent to see your child grow and develop in so many ways. It takes a village to bring up a child. Parenting is an art and you learn on the job. Averagely schools build discipline, consistency and hardwork. Parents build social connectedness, and support a child to see the real world. Trust professionals and be there as parents to hug and be hearing ears. But you are a team with the school faculty so you could reach out and connect with them. Hear their views, state yours views positively, and work towards the betterment of your child, trust processes. Children are precious and entry into the real world is tough for any child away from the cocoon of home. You both are her trusted adults, support the teacher to be her trusted adult too. Positive words fun and play are wonderful additions in a child’s life. Revert back with your way forward.

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8511 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 24, 2025

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Hi Sir, I'm a 36 yrs aged software employee working in Hyderabad with monthly in hand salary of 120k and withs 2 kids my son(his age is around 4 yrs) and my daughter (her age is around 2yrs). I have the following investments as of today. 1) PPF -8.5 Lakhs (12500/- monthly contribution) 2) Sukanya(SSY)- 4.8 Lakhs (12500/- monthly contribution) 3) NPS - 1.5 lakhs (8560/- monthly contribution) 4) EPFO - 6.5 Lakhs 5) NPS Vastalya (My son) - 13k (1k monthly contribution) 6) Post office RPLI (My wife) - 1.3 lakhs (22000/- yearly contribution) after the above all deductions, I can save 50k per month. My long term goal is buying a flat/house along with my retirement plan in next 10 yrs and need take care of my children education & marriage. I don't have any accumulated amount for down payment for buying a flat/house. What would be best approach to purchase a flat/house in Hyderabad ? should I take a home loan and buy a flat immediately in next 1/2 yrs (or) Should I invest an SIP of 50K per month for 5/10 yrs then buy ?
Ans: Thank you for sharing detailed information. You already have a disciplined approach to savings. You are clearly focused on long-term goals. Let's now look at the best approach to meet those goals.

 
 
 

Income and Savings Review
Your monthly in-hand salary is Rs.1.2 lakh. That gives a good base.

 
 
 

After all deductions, you can save Rs.50,000 monthly. That is a strong habit.

 
 
 

With two kids, financial responsibilities are high. You are still managing savings. Appreciate it.

 
 
 

Let’s now assess each of your investments.

 
 
 

Review of Existing Investments
PPF of Rs.8.5 lakh with Rs.12,500 monthly. Good for long-term. Safe and tax-free.

 
 
 

Sukanya for your daughter with Rs.4.8 lakh is well-planned. Continue it till she turns 14.

 
 
 

NPS of Rs.1.5 lakh with Rs.8,560 monthly. It builds retirement corpus. Continue it.

 
 
 

EPFO of Rs.6.5 lakh is part of your salary benefits. That’s a stable addition to retirement.

 
 
 

NPS for your son is a new initiative. It’s too early to predict its usefulness.

 
 
 

Post office RPLI in wife’s name with Rs.1.3 lakh. Yearly Rs.22,000 is manageable.

 
 
 

Overall, you have built a strong base with safe and regular investments. But these are mostly conservative. They may not beat inflation by a good margin.

 
 
 

Let’s now look at your primary goals.

 
 
 

Goal 1: Buying a Flat in Hyderabad
This is a big financial goal. Needs careful planning and timing.

 
 
 

You have zero savings for down payment now. That limits immediate action.

 
 
 

Buying now through a loan will put pressure on your cash flow.

 
 
 

If you go for loan now, EMI may be Rs.30,000–Rs.35,000 monthly.

 
 
 

That leaves you with very little for future goals and emergencies.

 
 
 

It is better to avoid rushing to buy flat now.

 
 
 

You can start a savings plan for down payment. Build at least Rs.6–8 lakh in 3–4 years.

 
 
 

Then you can take loan for balance amount. EMI will be safer then.

 
 
 

This way, your financial stress remains low.

 
 
 

Should You Wait or Buy Now?
Let’s compare both approaches carefully.

 
 
 

Buy Flat Immediately:

EMI pressure starts immediately. About Rs.30,000–Rs.35,000 per month.

 
 
 

You won’t be able to invest Rs.50,000 monthly anymore.

 
 
 

No funds left for kids’ future or your retirement.

 
 
 

You will be forced to stop current PPF or NPS contributions.

 
 
 

Not a safe approach. Will affect your other goals badly.

 
 
 

Wait and Invest for 5 Years:

Invest Rs.50,000 every month for 5 years.

 
 
 

You can build a down payment corpus of Rs.6–8 lakh easily.

 
 
 

Invest this amount in regular mutual funds with CFP guidance.

 
 
 

You can plan your home buying calmly. With less loan burden.

 
 
 

Your EMI will start only after 5 years. By then income also will grow.

 
 
 

Verdict: Wait and invest. Buy later. More secure path.

 
 
 

About Mutual Funds for SIP
SIP is best way to grow money in a planned way.

 
 
 

You should go for actively managed mutual funds.

 
 
 

Avoid index funds. They just follow index. No protection in falling market.

 
 
 

Actively managed funds try to give higher return than index.

 
 
 

They select good companies using deep research.

 
 
 

Use regular mutual funds through MFD with CFP support.

 
 
 

Avoid direct mutual funds. No help, no monitoring, no personal advice.

 
 
 

Regular funds provide tracking, rebalancing and expert guidance.

 
 
 

For you, regular plans through CFP will reduce risk and improve returns.

 
 
 

Start SIP of Rs.50,000 monthly in 3 to 4 funds.

 
 
 

Mix of large, mid and flexi-cap funds can work well.

 
 
 

Over 5 years, this SIP will help in flat down payment.

 
 
 

After that, you can reduce SIP and start EMI for flat.

 
 
 

Also continue SIP with lower amount for retirement and kids’ goals.

 
 
 

Retirement Planning
You are 36 now. Planning retirement early is smart.

 
 
 

NPS and EPFO are your current retirement tools.

 
 
 

They are safe but not flexible. Returns also moderate.

 
 
 

Mutual funds SIP gives better flexibility and return potential.

 
 
 

You can assign one fund’s SIP fully to your retirement goal.

 
 
 

You need bigger retirement fund. So SIP is needed even after NPS and EPFO.

 
 
 

Don’t rely only on NPS. Add mutual fund SIP to build a proper retirement fund.

 
 
 

Children’s Education and Marriage Planning
Your son is 4. Your daughter is 2. You have 13–16 years for education planning.

 
 
 

Sukanya is good for daughter. But more is needed.

 
 
 

For both kids, education cost will be high.

 
 
 

Start separate SIP for each child’s education.

 
 
 

You can start with Rs.10,000 each per month. Adjust based on your income.

 
 
 

Use separate mutual funds for these goals.

 
 
 

Later, assign some part of PPF maturity also for child marriage.

 
 
 

Avoid child insurance plans. Low return, high cost, and lock-in.

 
 
 

SIP in regular funds gives better flexibility and growth.

 
 
 

Emergency Fund
Emergency fund is must for every family.

 
 
 

Keep at least 6 months’ salary as emergency money.

 
 
 

That is Rs.7.2 lakh in your case.

 
 
 

Use bank savings or liquid mutual funds for this.

 
 
 

Emergency fund is not for investing. Don’t mix it with SIP.

 
 
 

Build this fund slowly over 6–8 months.

 
 
 

Insurance Review
You have RPLI for wife. That is a savings product.

 
 
 

You need pure term insurance. Sum assured of Rs.1 crore is needed.

 
 
 

Premium is low. Life protection is high.

 
 
 

No need for ULIPs or investment-cum-insurance plans.

 
 
 

Also check for proper health insurance for family.

 
 
 

Don’t depend only on office health plan.

 
 
 

Tax Efficiency
Your current investments give good tax benefits.

 
 
 

PPF, Sukanya, NPS all have tax benefits.

 
 
 

EPFO also gives tax-free interest.

 
 
 

Mutual funds have long-term tax advantages too.

 
 
 

LTCG above Rs.1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.

 
 
 

STCG taxed at 20%. Still better than FD or RD taxation.

 
 
 

Mutual funds help in better tax planning in long term.

 
 
 

What You Can Do Now – Step-by-Step
Start SIP of Rs.50,000 monthly in 3–4 mutual funds.

 
 
 

Take help from CFP for selecting right funds.

 
 
 

Review current RPLI. Keep only if not affecting liquidity.

 
 
 

Buy term life cover of Rs.1 crore immediately.

 
 
 

Start emergency fund. Target Rs.7.2 lakh over 1 year.

 
 
 

Start planning for home buying after 4–5 years.

 
 
 

Rebalance your investments every year with your CFP.

 
 
 

Track progress of each goal separately.

 
 
 

Don’t take any loan now. Wait until you are ready.

 
 
 

Finally
You have done a good job with disciplined savings.

 
 
 

But now, you need to shift from saving to smart investing.

 
 
 

Mutual funds with CFP guidance will take your goals forward.

 
 
 

Avoid direct funds and index funds. Use active regular funds.

 
 
 

Delay home buying. Build your down payment through SIP first.

 
 
 

Continue PPF, NPS and Sukanya. But add mutual fund SIP for higher growth.

 
 
 

Keep insurance pure and simple. No ULIPs or endowment plans.

 
 
 

Follow this roadmap. All your goals can be met peacefully.

 
 
 

Best Regards,
 
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
 
Chief Financial Planner,
 
www.holisticinvestment.in
 
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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