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Dr Aarti Bakshi  | Answer  |Ask -

Child and Parenting Counsellor - Answered on May 30, 2023

Dr Aarti Bakshi is a psychologist licensed by the Rehabilitation Council of India.
A school counsellor, she has worked for 15 years with young adults.
She has two PhD degrees -- developmental psychology from Global Institute of Healthcare Management and clinical psychology from Singhania University.
She is on the CBSE panel for counsellors and special educators. She collaborates with SAAR Education to help children develop life skills.
She has authored SEL (social emotional learning) journals for Grades 1-8.... more
Lakhbinder Question by Lakhbinder on May 24, 2023Hindi
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Hello Mam, my son is 17 years old and just completed his +2 class but his score is low. He is careless in studies though we are much concerned with his studies for last three years and push him to get good marks so he can make good out of his life. but i feel that he is low in confidence and also do not give his 100%. This is the peak time to make the career but still i do not see any significant change in his behaviour and routine. I scared a lot now that whether he will be able to make a good career and be successful in life. what should i do to make him confident, determined and focused so that he do good in life. Please advise..

Ans: Dear Lakhbinder,
Marks support but not destroy a future. Find his interest and allow him to do a course in that interest. It will support him immediately. Motivation and family support helps a young person feel calmer and helps him work towards his interest.
DISCLAIMER: The answer provided by rediffGURUS is for informational and general awareness purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical diagnosis or treatment.
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Mam, my son has just completed his 12 class in commerce stream. His self confidence is low and in exams he failed to give his 100% and score low marks than his capability. His is also careless in studies. please guide how we can help him and how he can improve on this. We are very much disturbed due to this. Please help...
Ans: Dear Lakhbinder,
That age is a very confusing time for youngsters as they not only have to deal with the expectations of the school and parents but also 'fit in' with their peers.
It is natural to be defocused from academics and not do their best and I do understand your worry especially if he is aiming at a highly academic course after Class 12.

In my experience, working with youngsters, this is what I have understood:

Youngsters are not careless with their studies without reasons.
- They are doing a course which they were forced into or don't have an aptitude for
- They have immense pressure at home and school to perform
- They have been subject to a lot of comparison with those performing well in their class
- They have a lot of unwanted influences through chat apps and social media apps
- They are constantly monitored as to how much effort they are putting
- They are simply giving into their rebellious streaks given the age

It could be any of the above. Do identify and if there are things as a parent you can do, kindly step in NOT as a friend but by being more accepting and FRIENDLY. If it's about focus orientation, seek an expert who in one session will be able to help him through re-training the mind hacks which are simple to follow with amazing results.

All the best!

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I am seeking guidance on my current financial situation. I am 50 years old, with a net take-home income of 1.42 lacs per month, while my wife earns approximately 75k monthly. We have two daughters pursuing higher education, with annual fees totalling 6.10 lacs. In the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic, I faced a significant setback when I was unable to pay my home loan EMI, leading me to opt for a moratorium. Despite having already paid approximately 43.85 lakhs towards my home loan of 58.50 lakhs taken in 2017, the principal outstanding has astonishingly increased to 59.45 lakhs. I now find myself committed to an EMI of 65,000 monthly, further straining our financial resources. To cover both my daughters first-year college fees, I took out a gold loan of 5.5 lakhs, for which I currently pay 50,000 a month. I had invested in a family health insurance policy with Star Health, covering 10 lakhs, but due to poor service I stopped paying my premium, which had an accrued value of 17.50 lakhs. I hold a provident fund account with a balance of 2.5 lakhs. I am concerned about planning for my elder daughter's wedding in the next 2 to 3 years and my retirement. I would appreciate any advice or strategies you could provide to help me navigate this situation effectively.
Ans: Hello;

Try and understand from the home loan lender as to how 59.45 L principal is overdue despite paying a sum of 43.85 L, despite factoring 80% of this as interest payment, the overdue principal should be below 50 L.

Double check if this is as per the terms of moratorium.

If you are not satisfied with replies from the lender escalate the matter to the highest authority at lender or RBI.

Lender can't behave irrationally just because you availed moratorium during COVID.

In my view you should have just sold the gold rather then taking loan against it.

That way you could have lessened EMI burden on your finances and ensured investments for retirement and other goals.

Unfortunately we have a tradition of attaching emotional value to precious metals and real estate.

The best "jewellery" you can offer to your kids is good education, which you have already done.

In matters of health insurance never discontinue a policy due to dissatisfaction with the insurer, port it to another insurer, 1.5/2 months before the renewal date so that your benefits remain intact. Now you may be need to find another health care insurance.

You may begin a monthly sip of 25-30 K in diversified large cap oriented mutual fund for 5 years.

Also give a thought to NPS, you can contribute till 70 age, for retirement pension.

Best wishes;

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I am 42 years old male currently working as a software engineer in a private company and drawing 1.1 lakhs per month. I have 2 school going kids. My monthly expenses are around 80K per month including rent. I don't have any personal property in my name. I have invested 50L in postal term deposit(yearly payout), 20L in Shriram transport finance FD(monthly payout), 11 lakh in HDFC balanced fund dividend(monthly payout), 6L in bank FD(monthly payout) all in my wife's name. I have invested 28L in my HUF account against Shriram Transport Finance FD (monthly payout). I have around 20L in EPF and Gratuity. I have around 8 lakhs in miscellaneous Mutual funds with a monthly sip of around 36K. Most of my investments pay me monthly return except this SIP. I have done so as software job is very fragile which can go any time. However I have maxed out on the return I can take per year on my wife's head (7L) and HUF(2.5L) without tax liability. Please advise how I can invest further to get returns so that I can quickly withstand any job loss.
Ans: Hello;

You have already made sufficient provisions to survive a job loss because your passive monthly income is now almost covering your monthly expenses.

But if you need added back-up you may keep expenses worth 6 months(@ 5 L) in a liquid type mutual fund.

Focus on 3 goals;
1. Children's education
2. Retirement
3. House

If you again keep investing in fixed income bearing instruments then you may not be able to grow a corpus to fund these goals.

A mutual fund sip(36 K) is a step in the right direction. I believe these are scheme with Growth option.

Hope you have EPF/NPS/PPF investments as well.

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