Dr. Aarti, my sons dob is 18/12/2005 and he is in 11class. His problem is that he is not sharing anything with us. not speaking to anybody neither with his friends nor with parents. He is so much anger and irritable that some time he is heating to his mom. He is very much good in studies and got 91 percent in 10th ICSE exam. what should we do for his improvement of communication skill?

Ans: Silence is a beautiful and powerful language. Communication is both by talking and by our body-language. Home is his familiar place where he knows everyone and can talk. But school he must be trying his best behaviour, working on academics and observing everything by being silent. A few suggestions:
1. Connect with a few mothers from his class, meet for fun play in the park, perhaps 2-hours with other children at home as aplay-date.
2. Make him join an activity class where his classmates are going so that he builds friendship and starts to talk.
Do write back, on the progress.

Ans: Instead of confronting him directly about his change in behavior, try to create a safe space where he feels comfortable opening up. Let him know you’ve noticed the change and that you’re there to listen whenever he’s ready. Sometimes, asking indirect questions about the holiday—who he met, what he did, and how he felt about the trip—can give you some clues about what might have triggered this shift.

If he is unwilling to talk, don’t push too hard. Instead, observe him closely. Has his routine changed? Is he withdrawing from friends, studies, or activities he used to enjoy? If this continues for a long period, you may need to consider speaking to someone he trusts—a sibling, a close friend, or even a counselor—who might be able to help him open up.

Sometimes, young adults go through emotional turbulence that they don’t know how to express. The best thing you can do right now is to be patient, keep communication open, and let him know that whatever it is, you are there for him without judgment.

Ans: Let me reassure you that you’re not alone in facing this challenge, and what you describe is quite common in teenagers. The teenage years are a time of immense internal transformation. It's as if your son is building a new version of himself, one brick at a time, and sometimes, in that process, he may feel the need to pull away to figure things out.

You see, as children grow, their world expands. Their focus shifts from being family-centered to exploring who they are in the larger world. This doesn't mean he cares any less about you; it simply means he’s working on something deep within himself—maybe even trying to understand emotions and situations he doesn’t yet have the words for.

Now, instead of trying to make him talk, which might feel like pressure to him, consider this: how can you create an environment where he wants to open up? Imagine if, instead of asking direct questions or expressing concern, you shared a small, non-threatening piece of your world. Maybe a funny story about your day or a memory of when you were his age. Sometimes, starting with something light gives him permission to engage without feeling interrogated.

Another way to open doors is through shared experiences. Teenagers often speak more freely when they're not face-to-face. Maybe a walk or a ride, cooking a meal together, or even playing a video game could become moments where he feels comfortable talking.

And when he does speak, no matter how small the opening, meet him with curiosity, not judgment. If he shares something, reflect it back to him in a way that says, "I hear you, and I value what you're saying." For example, if he mentions feeling frustrated, you could say, "It sounds like something’s been tough for you lately," rather than jumping to advice.

Finally, remind yourself—and him—this is a phase, not a permanent state. He is still that talkative child deep inside, but right now, he's learning to balance his need for independence with the safety of your love. Your steady presence, even when he seems distant, will be his anchor.

You’re already asking the right question, and that shows how much you care. Trust the process, and trust your connection. It’s still there, even in the quiet moments.