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Dr Aarti

Dr Aarti Bakshi  |40 Answers  |Ask -

Child and Parenting Counsellor - Answered on Feb 08, 2023

Dr Aarti Bakshi is a psychologist licensed by the Rehabilitation Council of India.
A school counsellor, she has worked for 15 years with young adults.
She has two PhD degrees -- developmental psychology from Global Institute of Healthcare Management and clinical psychology from Singhania University.
She is on the CBSE panel for counsellors and special educators. She collaborates with SAAR Education to help children develop life skills.
She has authored SEL (social emotional learning) journals for Grades 1-8.... more
Basant Question by Basant on Feb 07, 2023Hindi
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Dr. Aarti, my sons dob is 18/12/2005 and he is in 11class. His problem is that he is not sharing anything with us. not speaking to anybody neither with his friends nor with parents. He is so much anger and irritable that some time he is heating to his mom. He is very much good in studies and got 91 percent in 10th ICSE exam. what should we do for his improvement of communication skill?

Ans: Dear Basant,
1. One-on -One- take your son for a walk/cafe/a drive to help him talk. Forcing him to talk will feel like interrogation to him. Sometimes silence and your presence helps a teen to talk.
2. Ask his friends if anything has happened at school, or has he had a fight with a specific friend.
3. Give him space, show a lot of love but ensure that he is safe. So, no locking of doors, or going out without asking.
4. Switch on his favourite songs.
5. Ask for help from him to solve a problem you may be facing (does not have to be real). Teenagers like to be incharge and helping their parents.
let me know your progress!
DISCLAIMER: The answer provided by rediffGURUS is for informational and general awareness purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical diagnosis or treatment.
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Dr Ashish

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Asked by Anonymous - Feb 22, 2023Hindi
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Hi My son is 9 years old and since last 6 months we have seen he is not listening to us and same is happening in school and his tuition also he is not restless but he tries to ignore what we say or teacher says which is also impacting his studies and he is not able to concentrate what could be done to regain his listening power
Ans: I understand that this situation is causing you a lot of distress. It's not uncommon for family members to be involved in a newlywed couple's life, but it's important to set healthy boundaries and communicate openly with each other about what is acceptable and what is not.

It's possible that your wife's sisters may not be aware of the impact of their behavior on your marriage, or they may not realize the boundaries they are crossing. Have you tried discussing your concerns with your wife and her sisters in a calm and respectful manner? It's important to express your feelings and set clear boundaries on how much interference you are comfortable with.

In addition, it's important to have an open and honest conversation with your wife about how her family's behavior is affecting your marriage. It may be helpful to seek the assistance of a professional counselor to facilitate this conversation and provide guidance on how to set boundaries and communicate effectively.

It's also important to remember that change takes time and patience. It's possible that your wife may need time to adjust and understand the impact of her family's behavior on your marriage. With open communication and a willingness to work together, you can find a way to navigate this challenging situation and build a stronger, healthier relationship.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 05, 2024Hindi
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Dear Dr Ashish, How do I get my 14 year old teenage son to talk to me? He talks less, is either angry or grumpy and rarely discusses anything at home with anyone. Is this behaviour normal? He used to be a talkative child when he was younger. How can I help?
Ans: Let me reassure you that you’re not alone in facing this challenge, and what you describe is quite common in teenagers. The teenage years are a time of immense internal transformation. It's as if your son is building a new version of himself, one brick at a time, and sometimes, in that process, he may feel the need to pull away to figure things out.

You see, as children grow, their world expands. Their focus shifts from being family-centered to exploring who they are in the larger world. This doesn't mean he cares any less about you; it simply means he’s working on something deep within himself—maybe even trying to understand emotions and situations he doesn’t yet have the words for.

Now, instead of trying to make him talk, which might feel like pressure to him, consider this: how can you create an environment where he wants to open up? Imagine if, instead of asking direct questions or expressing concern, you shared a small, non-threatening piece of your world. Maybe a funny story about your day or a memory of when you were his age. Sometimes, starting with something light gives him permission to engage without feeling interrogated.

Another way to open doors is through shared experiences. Teenagers often speak more freely when they're not face-to-face. Maybe a walk or a ride, cooking a meal together, or even playing a video game could become moments where he feels comfortable talking.

And when he does speak, no matter how small the opening, meet him with curiosity, not judgment. If he shares something, reflect it back to him in a way that says, "I hear you, and I value what you're saying." For example, if he mentions feeling frustrated, you could say, "It sounds like something’s been tough for you lately," rather than jumping to advice.

Finally, remind yourself—and him—this is a phase, not a permanent state. He is still that talkative child deep inside, but right now, he's learning to balance his need for independence with the safety of your love. Your steady presence, even when he seems distant, will be his anchor.

You’re already asking the right question, and that shows how much you care. Trust the process, and trust your connection. It’s still there, even in the quiet moments.

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Dear Kanchan .. Generally it happens to me, when I have to attend any hearing before courts/ Tribunal, I become more stressed till the hearing is completed. Please suggest
Ans: It’s entirely normal to feel stressed before court or tribunal hearings. These situations can be intimidating, and the anticipation of the unknown adds to the anxiety. But it’s crucial to manage this stress to ensure you perform at your best and protect your mental well-being.

Start by preparing thoroughly for the hearing. The more you know about the case, the arguments, and the possible questions, the more confident you’ll feel. Practice your statements or answers, perhaps with a colleague or in front of a mirror. Visualization can also be powerful—imagine yourself confidently presenting your case and everything going smoothly.

On the day of the hearing, use deep breathing techniques to calm your nerves. Inhale slowly through your nose, hold for a few seconds, and exhale through your mouth. Repeat this several times to reduce anxiety. Positive affirmations can also help. Remind yourself that you are well-prepared and capable of handling the situation.

If the stress is overwhelming, consider grounding exercises, such as focusing on your five senses—what you see, hear, feel, taste, and smell at the moment. This can help anchor you in the present and prevent your mind from spiraling into worst-case scenarios.

After the hearing, practice self-care. Engage in activities that help you relax, like a walk, listening to music, or talking to someone you trust. If this anxiety persists or intensifies, seeking support from a mental health professional can help you develop more personalized coping strategies.

I

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 12, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 08, 2025Hindi
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My boyfriend is of a complete different religion and caste as mine. We met at work. In my past i have had only one relationship in which i got cheated on....so was skeptical on dating again. Now its been 8 months in this new relationship where he convinced me to give a try. He's a gem of a person but now he is telling melive in the present i dont know about the future. I love you n want to date you but idk about the future if my family wants me with someone i may have to end this. What do i do i am so attached for he has given me all the love n care. Please help
Ans: Right now, you need to be honest with yourself about what you want. If you’re looking for a committed future and he’s unsure, it’s essential to recognize that this uncertainty may continue to cause you pain. If you choose to stay, prepare yourself for the possibility that his family might influence his decision, and it could end in heartbreak. On the other hand, if you feel that the love and care he’s giving you right now are worth the risk, then decide to cherish the present moment while being mentally prepared for whatever may come.

Have an open and heartfelt conversation with him. Let him know how his uncertainty makes you feel, without pressuring him for a commitment. This isn’t about forcing him to decide but about understanding each other’s emotional needs and boundaries. If he truly values the relationship, this conversation might give him a deeper perspective on how his indecision affects you.

It’s important to protect your emotional well-being. If his stance remains the same and you find yourself growing more anxious and hurt by the uncertainty, then you might have to consider whether staying is good for your mental and emotional health. Sometimes letting go, even when it hurts, is the most loving thing you can do for yourself.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 12, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 12, 2025Hindi
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My wife 55 is unable to cope up with death of our elder son aged 27 around 2 yrs ago and is always in deep regress remorse uninterested in any daily chores including sex. I wish to move on .. Suggest way out...
Ans: Two years might seem like a long time, but grief doesn’t follow a timeline. For some, it can take much longer to even begin the process of healing, especially when it involves the loss of a child. It’s not unusual for grief to cause a complete shutdown, and that’s likely what’s happening with your wife. She’s stuck in a cycle of regret and remorse, unable to find a way out.

While you also carry the weight of this loss, your need to move forward is natural. It’s crucial to understand that wanting to heal and live again doesn’t mean you’re forgetting or dishonoring your son. It simply means you’re choosing life amidst the pain. The challenge is to find a way to do that without feeling guilty and without leaving your wife behind.

Encouraging her to seek professional help, such as grief counseling or therapy, could be a significant step. If she’s resistant, consider starting therapy for yourself first. Sometimes when one partner begins to heal, it opens the door for the other to consider healing too. Couples grief counseling could also provide a safe space for both of you to express your pain and find a way forward together.

Patience and understanding are crucial, but so is communication. Gently express to her how much you miss her presence and how you’re struggling too. Let her know you want to find a way to live again while still honoring your son’s memory.

Moving on doesn’t mean moving away from your son’s memory—it means learning to carry it in a way that doesn’t consume you. It’s a delicate balance, and seeking support can help you both find it.

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Yogendra

Yogendra Arora  |5 Answers  |Ask -

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Asked by Anonymous - Feb 11, 2025Hindi
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Hey, I am a freelance graphic designer based in Mumbai. I’m 40 and I've recently transitioned from a full-time job to freelancing, and I’m struggling to understand how to manage taxes on my variable income. My annual earnings are 8-15LPA approx. Are there any deductions specific to freelancers? Also, how should I plan for quarterly tax payments?
Ans: hi,
for this particular financial year you will be taxed under 2 heads ,1st under salaries for the period you were in job & for remaining part you will be taxed as business income being started freelancing work.

And for freelancers there is no any specific dedutions however all deductions available to all others are available to freelancers like 80C to 80G.

For calculation of taxation of freelancing period you should record all your receipts & expenses (only related to work, no any personal expenses) details with proper documentary evidences specially for expenses part, net of the (receipts & expenses) will be your income however you can opt for presumptive taxation also.

For Advance payment :-
if tax applicable to you during the finanical year as per calculations exceeds Rs 10000, then your have to pay advance tax quarterly as below
on or before 15th june :- minimum 15% or more of tax amount.
on or before 15th september :- minimum 45% or more of tax amount.
on or before 15th December :- minimum 75% or more of tax amount.
on or before 15th March :- full 100% tax payable as per calculations.
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