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Dr Aarti

Dr Aarti Bakshi  |40 Answers  |Ask -

Child and Parenting Counsellor - Answered on Aug 09, 2023

Dr Aarti Bakshi is a psychologist licensed by the Rehabilitation Council of India.
A school counsellor, she has worked for 15 years with young adults.
She has two PhD degrees -- developmental psychology from Global Institute of Healthcare Management and clinical psychology from Singhania University.
She is on the CBSE panel for counsellors and special educators. She collaborates with SAAR Education to help children develop life skills.
She has authored SEL (social emotional learning) journals for Grades 1-8.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 31, 2023Hindi

My 6-yr-old daughter has understood that if she shouts at the top of her voice, throw tantrums and cries then her bid will be done. More so as we live in a joint family, where she has grandparents and uncles and aunts. Nonetheless, during the pandemic, especially lockdown, it was me who gave her everything she asked for because I wanted her to remain safe at home and cut outside interaction. But now it has become problematic. Becoming very tough suddenly doesn't look like as a solution. What can be done so that she can be handled without giving rise to unnecessary hue and cry?

Ans: No means a no, for you as a parent and for your daughter. If you have said a no, please give her logic as to why you are saying a no. Her father will convey it to the family that if your kid goes to anyone, they should say let’s ask your mom/ dad. Both you and your husband need to be on the same page, both say yes or a no.
Habits take 6 months to be made , unlearn and relearn , please be consistent for the duration.
Crying needs hugs and conversations, avoid feeling upset. As the child is already upset.
DISCLAIMER: The answer provided by rediffGURUS is for informational and general awareness purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical diagnosis or treatment.

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Dear Anu, I have a ten year old daughter studying in 5th std in a reputed school of Delhi. I think the Covid lockdown has had a negative impact on her behaviour. She has become notoriously obstinate and her behaviour has become a real concern for us. She has become a compulsive liar and lies mostly for no reason at all. Also she quarrels and fights with other children in the colony. Please help us to get her back to what she was before lockdown.
Ans: Dear VG, the online structure has messed up the minds of many children and adolescents.

I don’t have much information from you and have to assume that nothing significant has happened after which her behaviour has changed.

Lying and hiding is common when children are scared of doing something that they have been warned against and it could be something that excites her and gives her immense pleasure.

Quarrels and fights is common assuming that your daughter must be around 10 or 11 which is when their struggles for creating their identity causes much ruffles in their minds.

It could also be because of increased usage of the internet as there is enough there to mess with the minds of kids; violence, bullying…the list is endless…

Also, I have been noticing that with the lockdown, kids have forgotten what socialising means and it has become convenient to live at home with free WiFi and food. Convenient pleasure…

Try and be out of home with her every day, good amount of physical activity is a great one too, dancing and pottery are good things for her to indulge in.

It will be a struggle initially; but persist and if necessary one of the parents can become her hobby buddy to help her transition into the ‘normal’ way of life.

Whatever you do, be really patient.

Happy transitioning!

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Asked by Anonymous - May 06, 2024Hindi
I am writing to express my concerns about my daughter, who is 10 years old. Over the past six months, she has been experiencing difficulties at school due to bullying from one of her classmates. This classmate has been isolating her from her other friends and has been making her feel uncomfortable. Consequently, her grades have started to decline, and she has been expressing a reluctance to attend school. My daughter has confided in me about this issue, and she is desperate to distance herself from this classmate. However, she is feeling scared and lacks the confidence to do so. Additionally, I have observed changes in her behavior at home. She has become more irritable, moody, and adamant. I believe this may be due to feelings of being neglected in comparison to her younger brother, who is three years old. While she loves her brother dearly, she sometimes feels that I give him more attention due to his age. As a parent, I am trying my best to support and reassure her, but I feel that I may not be providing enough help. I am seeking your guidance and assistance in addressing these issues and helping my daughter navigate through this challenging time.
Ans: Bullying in the school has to be taken seriously by the school and parents. I am glad that you are trying to provide her with strength to deal with this. Try to understand about the other child who is doing that,if possible take the help of teachers,peers and counselors in the school to counsel the child . Meanwhile try to help your child to develop self confidence and deal with this confidently. Make your child have strong self belief to have a better self esteem.

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