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Dr Aarti

Dr Aarti Bakshi  | Answer  |Ask -

Child and Parenting Counsellor - Answered on Aug 09, 2023

Dr Aarti Bakshi is a psychologist licensed by the Rehabilitation Council of India.
A school counsellor, she has worked for 15 years with young adults.
She has two PhD degrees -- developmental psychology from Global Institute of Healthcare Management and clinical psychology from Singhania University.
She is on the CBSE panel for counsellors and special educators. She collaborates with SAAR Education to help children develop life skills.
She has authored SEL (social emotional learning) journals for Grades 1-8.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 31, 2023Hindi
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My 6-yr-old daughter has understood that if she shouts at the top of her voice, throw tantrums and cries then her bid will be done. More so as we live in a joint family, where she has grandparents and uncles and aunts. Nonetheless, during the pandemic, especially lockdown, it was me who gave her everything she asked for because I wanted her to remain safe at home and cut outside interaction. But now it has become problematic. Becoming very tough suddenly doesn't look like as a solution. What can be done so that she can be handled without giving rise to unnecessary hue and cry?

Ans: No means a no, for you as a parent and for your daughter. If you have said a no, please give her logic as to why you are saying a no. Her father will convey it to the family that if your kid goes to anyone, they should say let’s ask your mom/ dad. Both you and your husband need to be on the same page, both say yes or a no.
Habits take 6 months to be made , unlearn and relearn , please be consistent for the duration.
Crying needs hugs and conversations, avoid feeling upset. As the child is already upset.
DISCLAIMER: The answer provided by rediffGURUS is for informational and general awareness purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical diagnosis or treatment.
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Dear Anu, I have a ten year old daughter studying in 5th std in a reputed school of Delhi. I think the Covid lockdown has had a negative impact on her behaviour. She has become notoriously obstinate and her behaviour has become a real concern for us. She has become a compulsive liar and lies mostly for no reason at all. Also she quarrels and fights with other children in the colony. Please help us to get her back to what she was before lockdown.
Ans: Dear VG, the online structure has messed up the minds of many children and adolescents.

I don’t have much information from you and have to assume that nothing significant has happened after which her behaviour has changed.

Lying and hiding is common when children are scared of doing something that they have been warned against and it could be something that excites her and gives her immense pleasure.

Quarrels and fights is common assuming that your daughter must be around 10 or 11 which is when their struggles for creating their identity causes much ruffles in their minds.

It could also be because of increased usage of the internet as there is enough there to mess with the minds of kids; violence, bullying…the list is endless…

Also, I have been noticing that with the lockdown, kids have forgotten what socialising means and it has become convenient to live at home with free WiFi and food. Convenient pleasure…

Try and be out of home with her every day, good amount of physical activity is a great one too, dancing and pottery are good things for her to indulge in.

It will be a struggle initially; but persist and if necessary one of the parents can become her hobby buddy to help her transition into the ‘normal’ way of life.

Whatever you do, be really patient.

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I am writing to express my concerns about my daughter, who is 10 years old. Over the past six months, she has been experiencing difficulties at school due to bullying from one of her classmates. This classmate has been isolating her from her other friends and has been making her feel uncomfortable. Consequently, her grades have started to decline, and she has been expressing a reluctance to attend school. My daughter has confided in me about this issue, and she is desperate to distance herself from this classmate. However, she is feeling scared and lacks the confidence to do so. Additionally, I have observed changes in her behavior at home. She has become more irritable, moody, and adamant. I believe this may be due to feelings of being neglected in comparison to her younger brother, who is three years old. While she loves her brother dearly, she sometimes feels that I give him more attention due to his age. As a parent, I am trying my best to support and reassure her, but I feel that I may not be providing enough help. I am seeking your guidance and assistance in addressing these issues and helping my daughter navigate through this challenging time.
Ans: Bullying in the school has to be taken seriously by the school and parents. I am glad that you are trying to provide her with strength to deal with this. Try to understand about the other child who is doing that,if possible take the help of teachers,peers and counselors in the school to counsel the child . Meanwhile try to help your child to develop self confidence and deal with this confidently. Make your child have strong self belief to have a better self esteem.

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I am seeking guidance on my current financial situation. I am 50 years old, with a net take-home income of 1.42 lacs per month, while my wife earns approximately 75k monthly. We have two daughters pursuing higher education, with annual fees totalling 6.10 lacs. In the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic, I faced a significant setback when I was unable to pay my home loan EMI, leading me to opt for a moratorium. Despite having already paid approximately 43.85 lakhs towards my home loan of 58.50 lakhs taken in 2017, the principal outstanding has astonishingly increased to 59.45 lakhs. I now find myself committed to an EMI of 65,000 monthly, further straining our financial resources. To cover both my daughters first-year college fees, I took out a gold loan of 5.5 lakhs, for which I currently pay 50,000 a month. I had invested in a family health insurance policy with Star Health, covering 10 lakhs, but due to poor service I stopped paying my premium, which had an accrued value of 17.50 lakhs. I hold a provident fund account with a balance of 2.5 lakhs. I am concerned about planning for my elder daughter's wedding in the next 2 to 3 years and my retirement. I would appreciate any advice or strategies you could provide to help me navigate this situation effectively.
Ans: Hello;

Try and understand from the home loan lender as to how 59.45 L principal is overdue despite paying a sum of 43.85 L, despite factoring 80% of this as interest payment, the overdue principal should be below 50 L.

Double check if this is as per the terms of moratorium.

If you are not satisfied with replies from the lender escalate the matter to the highest authority at lender or RBI.

Lender can't behave irrationally just because you availed moratorium during COVID.

In my view you should have just sold the gold rather then taking loan against it.

That way you could have lessened EMI burden on your finances and ensured investments for retirement and other goals.

Unfortunately we have a tradition of attaching emotional value to precious metals and real estate.

The best "jewellery" you can offer to your kids is good education, which you have already done.

In matters of health insurance never discontinue a policy due to dissatisfaction with the insurer, port it to another insurer, 1.5/2 months before the renewal date so that your benefits remain intact. Now you may be need to find another health care insurance.

You may begin a monthly sip of 25-30 K in diversified large cap oriented mutual fund for 5 years.

Also give a thought to NPS, you can contribute till 70 age, for retirement pension.

Best wishes;

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I am 42 years old male currently working as a software engineer in a private company and drawing 1.1 lakhs per month. I have 2 school going kids. My monthly expenses are around 80K per month including rent. I don't have any personal property in my name. I have invested 50L in postal term deposit(yearly payout), 20L in Shriram transport finance FD(monthly payout), 11 lakh in HDFC balanced fund dividend(monthly payout), 6L in bank FD(monthly payout) all in my wife's name. I have invested 28L in my HUF account against Shriram Transport Finance FD (monthly payout). I have around 20L in EPF and Gratuity. I have around 8 lakhs in miscellaneous Mutual funds with a monthly sip of around 36K. Most of my investments pay me monthly return except this SIP. I have done so as software job is very fragile which can go any time. However I have maxed out on the return I can take per year on my wife's head (7L) and HUF(2.5L) without tax liability. Please advise how I can invest further to get returns so that I can quickly withstand any job loss.
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You have already made sufficient provisions to survive a job loss because your passive monthly income is now almost covering your monthly expenses.

But if you need added back-up you may keep expenses worth 6 months(@ 5 L) in a liquid type mutual fund.

Focus on 3 goals;
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If you again keep investing in fixed income bearing instruments then you may not be able to grow a corpus to fund these goals.

A mutual fund sip(36 K) is a step in the right direction. I believe these are scheme with Growth option.

Hope you have EPF/NPS/PPF investments as well.

Happy Investing;

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